6:01 AM - COULD IT BE?...

must have never been so much
I think.
     its a lie to say anything was ever easy.
 could it be that I am lying
 could it be that i am dying
 i always seem to get it wrong.
  its all because somebody once said to me,
  you are powerful,
 but you  are not strong.
     But i haven't carried a song this long
 to let it all come out wrong
   or fall on deaf ears
        or fall on all fours.
   could it be I miss the man i used to be,
 could it be I burned the bridge of your body
     could be I buried the blade and spent the money.
          so i see it now,
    disappearing..
 so i see it now
               disappeared..
  that's the want that's the want
    forgive me but
i never knew
 your
     name...
 

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1:24 AM - GROUNDED

I breathe.
    It cannot be.
 so much I knew has come undone
   I know nothing. I know nothing still.
    It is as an animal I came to one
         it is as an animal
   it is as an animal I understand
         I will spend tonight unfastening
     my ankle from the chain
          can I believe that it is understood, that I been burned by this fire.
 This fire
 This fire not extinguished
      can I believe that it is understood, that I have been
       beaten by this heart.
 this heart
   this heart like a bird
 grounded.
  can I believe that I have been grounded by this life
  this life
        this life, this movement. like up a mountain.
     and at its summit, no air.
          now downward
 to be grounded
           like the fawn
           like the pawn
   like the ignorant boy that is put upon.
         mistakes wander like bandits in the street
    inevitably bound to repeat
    repeat
 repeat
      is that the shadow of my soul leaving?
          I say to you now
              I
          do not
      need  anything
  not now.. not ever.
       do as I did,
but ground the cage that held you
  and ground the soul that kept you.
    and ground the earth that birthed you.


         
      

Currently listening : Samme Stof Som Stof By Under Byen Release date: 2006-10-24

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1:08 AM - SO LONG.....

the sun, The Sun,
  has been up so long. 
 Not so long have I,
        I want to remember all that when,
  when it did not mean a fucking thing,
        so long, so long,
  so long ago, not even an option then, like empty longing
like the yellow light bulb like names like I just can't connect it to a face
 like love but, no. not like that not like that at all
        if that was love I shoved down into the bottom of my pocket
     if that was love I shoved down under my shoes
      it would have surely worked it's way up by now
  but did you bury your lovers.. along with thier letters..
in some handsome box
   and was I in there
 so long as you said
   so long as you said maybe goodbye
           maybe so long.
 so long as this year, i can disappear
          I never learned the words to read my own palm
that I wrote on myself
  that i embellished with scars,
that line on my hand, like the line in the sand, jump over it, jump over it,
and you did..
      so far I can hardly see,
   how is the air
 up there
               how is the air up there
        so long consecration
 so long vision
          so long fragile knowledge
 so long all that knew me
 so long all that loved me
          so long
 since you've been
         .
       gone.
    
        
         

              
     
    

Currently listening : Folklore By 16 Horsepower Release date: 2002-08-06

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12:10 AM - BLACK GIRL...

So you spend your days in preparation,
  i bury ideas, but one at a time
maybe you like to make me feel ashamed
       like to make me feel obligated
 In the night you disappear
but you made your intentions clear.. like the animal that you were.
  I bet you remember
           the hand that feeds you
 I bet you remember  
                the bed you crawl back to
 Black girl my muse outright
  my companion in the night
      do you know what time it is?
  I should know you at least love me
          if not you could gnaw me
down to the bone.. if it were your want.
   Black girl know that I am at least on your side
  and I stretch out with you at midnight
      and in exchange for your unfeeling hand, I forgive..
 I forgive.. 
   and with a look, i am forgiven..
       although I am alone, your shadow weighs me down,
   and for a moment, I am
     all too human.
  black girl we share same struggle, the same oppression.
     nobody likes us,
    nobody loves us.
             my black girl and me.
  nobody ever heard of us
   but there you are
           nobody likes us
       I carry you like a good luck charm
 nobody loves us
          I remember you like somethig long and lost.
   you listen like I have the cure
       and I have you eating from my hand
             
             
           
                
 
      
           
 
   

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10:15 PM - ALL THE MONEYS GONE...

she had been such a nice girl
   no ill will in her whole life
 with a rubber band
 an unsteady hand
  She became a poor man's wife
          Young lovers brave
       before a young lover's grave
    young lovers live off of young love
   my flesh and blood
the only compensation
when all the moneys gone
 now all the moneys gone
  all the moneys gone
    but dont get me wrong
 we all got to go sometime..
        Put me together when I come apart
     tell me that everything is fine
 Put me on the stand      and raise my hand
     I will corroborate every lie that you pine
in exchange for that young lovers hand
   that young lovers mouth
that says that
all the moneys gone
  seems all the moneys gone
       you and me we have to be strong
now that all the moneys gone.
       but we all got to go sometime..
you may have known other lovers
 you may have known delicate hands
       to whom it never mattered
  when you broke into that well rehearsed song
  about all the money being gone
      when all the moneys gone
    that all the moneys gone
           we all have to go sometime
 but not now.
             we soar,  we soar, and yet...
       we are not eagles,   we are not birds of prey
  but only blackbirds
            but we soar
nonetheless
in the black landscape
         we soar
      
 

Currently listening : Regard the End By Willard Grant Conspiracy Release date: 2004-02-17

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11:49 PM - HOMESICK BLUES....

you are as you were.
that voice.  that voice.
I exist as I was.
Guilt by suspition.
just an apparition.
conjured when you call.
passed on , and im only wanted for the same reasons. that im the opposite....
The sun it fell on cast down eyes
on heated tongues with lies reprised
I heard it said all over
and again, just to reassure
.
the broken bike in the middle of the street, the worn down shoe.
the tomb the empty purse.
Its like the End I plotted out never came, and the chapters lost
I tore up and threw away in someone elses trash
.......the ocean sings of the motherless child.
the abandoned body,,, the homesick blues.
the home never had.
the home on your back the only home unless it rains..
the faded jaded momento, the souvenir of past lives.  apparently im waiting.
For The volumes spoken by your body
for the inspirtation.
that hesitation
that comes before the disaster.
the homesick blues of fathers and thieves in a littered parking lot
the homesick blues of bastards passing through
of  men with brown eyed love forgotten
with well watered mouth and gods begotten from the stones of worn out fucking
and you ...........
.,...put me.
in ..............that
                               box.....
..in that box.
how grateful were your words before
the fabric  of the night is tore
in two
between you
and I wore
those words whispered like a shroud..............
..........homesick but for life.....so long.
the answer isnt always wrong.
but daddy was at one time..
big and strong.

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10:47 PM - WHERE IN THE WORLD....

I remember you one so young.
  nodding in agreement with me
       the sound of brakes in the driveway
 and with haste you said goodbye. .
       where in the world
 where in the world
   is my little girl?
I had so much written, in ancient prophecy
     who cares .
who cares so much now..
      I have buried myself
and broken the neck of young lovers too many times
              and where in the world
where in the world
                  can you hide from me now?
 I have twisted you arm
 I have shown you how
              I am a prisoner
   but not like john the baptist
      I get no last dance
            no last warning
               where in the world is that girl
      who told me that this would be
allright...
               
             

Currently listening : Ghetto Bells By Vic Chesnutt Release date: 2005-03-22

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10:38 PM - AN AMBIENT NOISE.....(song)

 Bless-ed be
    The  stories and the fables
Bless-ed be
 The bleeding heart that bleeds eternally
And Bless-ed Be
 not me
     save it for the younger heart
the unsoiled soul
with perfect parts
greater than the whole
  while I..
waste mine.
    while I......
waste time
     in amber haze.
           surrounded in an ambient noise
      I can hear it
I can hear it
  can you hear it or have you missed it
           I bet you probably missed it
 Bless-ed be
    the weakened fist
 Bless-ed be
 the thirty years I have swung and missed
       and Blees-ed be
 not thee
    neither a borrower nor a lender be
        but cast the curse
of husbandry
          upon me
  Save yourself
 like on a sinking ship
   like from the masters whip
          while I...
waste mine
     while I..........
sacrifice  my time for
an ambient noise
 or at least a silhouette
      of that long...long..gone
 attention
Let Bless-ed  Be upon
            the fortunate ones
let the eager minds....devour
   and the vultures of our hearts take what is left over
Bless-ed be
me although I have been passed by
       
            
     


 

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12:06 AM - TOO MANY EAGLES...

was there ever a time of famine
    when the earth churned in dust
 and a voice rose
  so many ladies
    never had death on thier minds, 
 or had it never occured ?
          or left unsaid like faults go unmentioned
   Like harps and arrows go unstrung.
there are a hundred miles between the lines
          and what is in the way?
   There are too many eagles
            and not enough prey
  Lady of shallot, sail on
          abandon the house haunted
  neglect at once the nest for the heart the mind once wanted
        Lady the curse is upon thee
 as one like me, as one who sees the promised light
  but I am born to endless night
      and you are born in the virgin rays
         where there are too many eagles
     and too little prey
         and tell me how
and tell me how
        burned like one burning flame together
   words forsee
and outgrow the fear
        and in a city burning, you emerge.
 and I wonder who else
has heard...
             and although I believe nothing
   and my thoughts are laid waste
            God in his mercy
lend her grace...


(for maggie)
                 
  
 
 
       
          
   

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1:08 AM - MY BLUE EYED SON.....

Have you seen my blue eyed son?
    still for a moment and off he runs..
Have you felt the blue eyed sun?
     on your shoulders in the open lawn.
 save me
  close your eyes
  hold me closer
listen to my lies
           this fragile earth we are borne unto is only temporary
  believe what you read
          take down that tattered shroud
   stay as you are all smiles
 and trust that wherever  I roam
    your light the indignant  urge
calls me back home
       Have you seen my blue eyed son?
casting rays of light on everyone
       No dogma no tretise no call to arms can compare
              can compete
  Have you felt my blue eyed sun?
              the warmth that at once had saved my life..
   and spared a whole nation.
   reapeat that, absorb that, and ask yourself...
                have you felt the question why?
     have you felt the need to die?
         that feeling is gone, and replaced with
the rightouse one
              have you seen my blue eyed son?
      or am I the only fortnate one? 
             he has not grown into being a ghost as I have
  but you saved my life
        you saved my life
and all the rest of you.. have you even considered...
          how much of yourself  there will be left
               when we first say goodbye
 good
          bye.
     

            
 

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11:32 PM - A LOSER....

I am not low enough it seems
  not enough
    when I hear the hands come drawing back
 when I see on the horizon, the dreaded army come falling back
      and like any man, I withdrawl
 I have not lost enought to be a loser.
        trust that mended fence I never walked
    make my name like a ghost.
             take me in your shouts
to vagrant bulls not fit to die
         of halloucinations of the percieved sky
   of matters at hand
      and here I am.
           one goes on.
  and one remains.
          one in space
  and one left  to claw
     at the promiscuous earth.
                    
           

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11:36 PM - ITS A MOTHER FUCKER......

Black coffee
put me to sleep
black coffee run out
yours is the after thought that has run out
    your love like the cup
grown bitter and cold
drank out of sympathy
or perhaps habit
      sufferable in its prescription
strain to replace somethign stronger
I am poured out often
and left to waste
   and should I be sorry,  grown cold
        should I be sorry?
Its a mother fucker,
        that is for sure
 the silent resound one presence introduced.
the concussion of a  hundred hammers
          and I stammer
an apology
     lost as it may be
among the drum of a hundred stomachs a thousand reasons.
It's a Mother Fucker
 Thats for sure
I am poured out often, laid to waste
and down the  drain
  I drink black coffee and do not complain
I never let the guard down
  there may be no pictures of us smiling on the proverbial beach
      there may be no contracts drawn up in childish eager
lipstick intoxication
      there may be no evidence that we ever were,
 I have stolen                  stolen everything
          Its a mother fucker
   what can I say
          Its a mother fucker
   how I can twist history into my own words
      how I can take whomever you may be and spread the seed
of destiny
            and dull the sword of damacles..
 so those motions, who needed them?
            so those verses, who reads them?
       so those memories....
    so the drastic reflux
     I never had a chance, I never had a chance
            Its a mother fucker
      that one,
         That I can't seem to shake.
       
  
    
     

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