Day 1...again
Category: Travel and Places

So, we get to the hotel, check our bags (can't check in for another 4 hours), and jump on the subway.  Our plan was to head down to see the Statue of Liberty first, then possibly check out Central Park (2 1/2 blocks from the hotel) if we had time before having to get ready for Phantom of the Opera on Broadway that night.  Slight problem: at Canal Street (about 4 stops short of Whitehall St where you pick up the ferry), the train changes route due to construction, and suddenly we're in Brooklyn.  My wife...FREAKED.  Not because Brooklyn is bad, but just because she had NO idea where we were or how to get where we wanted to go.  Fortunately, the subway system isn't tough to figure out; you hop off the train, cross the platform, and catch the same route going uptown instead of downtown, and worst case scenario you're back where you started.  As it turns out, only the downtown stops were under construction in lower Manhattan, so when we hopped on the uptown train coming back, we got to Whitehall St no problem.  Unfortunately, when we got to Battery Park, we found that it was a 45 minute wait to get tickets for the ferry, and another 3 hour wait to get ON the ferry.  With the heat index pushing 105, we decided to skip it.

So, what to do with an extra 3 hours you didn't think you'd have?  If you answered, "sex on the subway," then you think just like me.  You do not, however, think like my wife.  So, instead, we went to Canal St. in Chinatown.  For those of you who aren't familiar with this area, Canal St. is basically lined with little, closet-sized shops.  Each of the shops has a little Asian lady sitting out front, and as you walk past, she whispers things in your ear.  Things like, "Chanel, Coach, Gucci, you like?"  When you say yes, she ushers you to the back of the store, where someone meets you and takes you through a hidden door in the back, which usually leads to the kind of places where the cops end up finding dead bodies, bound and gagged, having been violated.  But none of that really happens; what does happen is you enter a room filled with designer-brand bags that they sell for next to nothing.  We went into one of these rooms, and came back out with a new Gucci bag for Jess (a $500 bag that she paid $40 for).  I don't know what truck these things fall off of, and I don't care.  All I know is that, after the bag, and Jess' new Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses (she talked the guy down from $60 to $20), I walked back to the subway station feeling as though I was in desperate need of a shower.

We get back to the hotel, and our room isn't ready, which is fine since we're about half an hour early.  So, we go to the hotel bar for a drink.  And that's when it hit us: New York is OBSCENELY expensive.  We each had one drink, and our tab was over $30.  We looked at the appetizer menu.  Cheeseburger: $18.  Buffalo wings: $21.  Fortunately, I had budgeted for this, but it still puts you in a bit of a state of shock when you see it.

Our room was actually very nice: We had a corner room with a total of 4 windows, including one in the shower, which was a bit unsettling, but it was interesting being able to people-watch from 8 floors up while you take a shower.  Unfortunately, the a/c wasn't working well.  This would be the source of major discomfort for us for two days, as the hotel staff did everything in their power to prevent us from changing rooms.  We did eventually get a new room with a fully functioning a/c unit, but not until Monday.

Saturday night, we had tickets to see Phantom, so when we got back to the hotel, we got cleaned up quick, grabbed a bite to eat, and headed out for the 6 block walk to Times Square (The Majestic theatre is one block off of Times Square).  The show was spectacular; both the male and female leads were nothing short of phenomonal, and it really is a very moving performance.  After the show, we walked through Times Square.  If  you go to NYC, you really do need to see Times Square on a Saturday night.  The entire place is filled, literally shoulder-to-shoulder, with people.  It's crazy.  Times Square itself, however, kind of reminds me of your frst car out of high school: When it was brand new, it was probably really fancy, a finely-tuned piece of machinery that really turned heads.  Now, after years of use and abuse, it's still kind of nice to look at, but the engine's broken down a bit, the doors stick, and there are a few tears in the vinyl.  Times Square is still flashy and fun, but it's really dirty even by New York standards, and it comes complete with a smell that you can't quite identify, but seems to have just a hint of urine.  Nevertheless, it was a fun experience, and it's worth it just to see things like a 4-story Toys R Us store with an actual working ferris wheel in the middle.

All in all, a very fun and busy first day...which really set the tone for the rest of the weekend.  Day 2 is on its way.

10:59 AM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Day 1
Category: Travel and Places

So, our flight left at 6 AM.  And my in-laws were watching the boy for the week.  Which meant that on Thursday, we got to drive to Eau Claire, then drive back Friday afternoon, where we finished packing and got to bed way later than we should have.  It's hard to get excited about a trip when you're driving to the airport at 4 AM after sleeping for 2 1/2 hours.  And here's the thing: I snore.  LOUDLY.  I actually have obstructive sleep apnea, which means I stop breathing and end up waking myself up by sucking massive amounts of air in with this bizzare, semi-revolting SNORKH sound.  According to my tests, this happens about every 22 seconds.  Needless to say, this makes me a bit self-conscious about sleeping in any kind of public setting, such as family gatherings or AIRPLANES.  So, I did not sleep at all on the plane.  The flight was pretty uneventful, although the landing was...creative.  I will say this: FLY SUN COUNTRY.  If you fly in the morning, you get a complimentary breakfast sandwich, and if it's in the afternoon/evening, you get a cheeseburger.  Not much, granted, but it's more than you get anywhere else.  And the staff is genuinely nice.  But I digress...

We caught our shuttle at the airport, and were off to the hotel.  A quick tip if you find yourself in a vehicle travelling in New York City: strap yourself in, say a very sincere prayer, and shut your eyes tight.  No matter what happens, no matter what you think you want to see, DO NOT OPEN YOUR EYES until you have arrived at your destination.  The joy and excitement of seeing the NYC skyline can't hold a candle to the terror of watching the van you're in appear to be magnetically attached to the bumper of every vehicle in front of you during lunch rush in the city.  I can honestly say that I would rather be punched in the balls repeatedly than make another 45-minute drive through Manhattan.

OK, I'm realizing very quickly that I'm writing way too much to keep these to one post per day.  Hell, this is a full post, and I'm not even at the hotel yet.  This is gonna be a looooong couple of days...I would apologize for the length of these posts, but you're the one choosing to read it, so really it's YOUR fault.  Thanks a lot, jerk.

10:39 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

It’s a nice place to live, but...
Category: Blogging

I should probably apologize to the few regular readers I have.  I haven't writeen anything here OR on Blogspot for almost a year.  I'd try to make some excuse, but the truth is that I just haven't felt inspired to write anything.  But hell, if your first trip to New York City can't inspire you, you should probably consult a doctor, as you've likely been dead for several hours.  Over the next day or two, I'll be posting 4 or 5 blogs, maybe more.  My plan is to post one for each day of my trip, but if any of them get too long, I'll break it down.  This will probably be insufferably boring for most of you; if that's the case, feel free to not read it.  I personally find my trip to NYC terribly exciting, but then I'm a far more interesting person than you are in general anyway, so it just makes sense.  At any rate, it was a fun trip, and for those of you who choose to read the details, I hope you enjoy.  See you in the next post.

10:23 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

My New Home
Current mood: nervous
Category: Blogging

Well, the time has come, sexy readers.  My blog is moving.  I've decided to take the plunge and get out into a venue that is more likely to be viewed by a wider audience.  Unfortunately, this probably means I'll have my ass torn off by the end of the month.  But in the end, there's only one way for me to really see if this is something I want to do, or if there are really more than just a few who want to read what I have to say.  I hope you will follow me; this link will always be here, or you can bookmark the new blog space.  I'm still looking for comments from more than just a couple readers; 557 views and only 30 or so actual comments means I have a lot of lurkers.  I've said before, the only way I know whether you like what I'm writing or not is for you to speak up.  So, please, make yourself heard on the new site.  Even if you disagree with me, or hate what I'm writing.  Seriously, I'm egocentric enough to be cool with that.  Thanks for reading; I hope to see you all on the new site.

What's that?  Oh, yeah.  The link.

7:54 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

It's a long season
Current mood: chipper
Category: Sports

So, the Yankees have won 5 of their last 7, and they play fucking PITTSBURGH this weekend.  Oh, and The Rocket makes his season debut in game 2 of that series.

Meanwhile, Boston has lost 4 straight, cutting their lead over the Yankees to 10 1/2 games.  Oh, and they play NL West-leading Arizona this weekend.

When asked for comment, Theo Epstein said, "FUUUUUUCK!!!!"

9:46 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Coors wants you to have cold beer, sex
Current mood: amused
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

So I'm sitting here watching the Yankees play the Red Sox, and they cut to commercial (right after the Yanks score 3 to go up 4-0 in the fifth...SUCK IT, BECKETT!!).  It's the Coors Light commercial where the dad is talking to his son about how he's coming of age, starting to party and meet girls, blah blah, and how he needs to start thinking about protection.  The son says, "Dad, I'm 26!!" Turns out dad just hands him a can of ice cold Coors Light, kept cold because of its protective can liner*.  It got me thinking of the other recent Coors Light ad, where they advertise the label that changes color.  Boyfriend and girlfriend (or hubby and wife, I don't know and really don't care enough to check) both get excited because "it's BLUE!!"  Wifey is talkin about her pregnancy test, and hubby is talking about the new label where the mountains turn blue when the beer has reached the "optimal temperature."

Am I the only one who sees the obvious message here?  The good people at the Coors Brewing Company obviously want us all to get drunk and have lots of sex.  In one scenario, the dad wants his son to use protection, while in the other, the wife is having a baby, so I'm unsure of Coors' position on pregnancy, but they are obviously pro-drunken orgy, which officially makes them the greatest company of all time.  You might even call them heroic.  I know I would.

*Sorry, sexy readers, but I couldn't find a linkable video clip anywhere.  HOW THE FUCK can there not be a copy of these ads somewhere on Youtube or something??

6:53 PM - 2 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment

New to the blog? Read this.
Current mood: moody
Category: Blogging

Well, since Trish was kind enough to post a bulletin advertising my blog, I figured I'd better put this out there (thanks Trish!).

First off....holy shit, the world is coming to an end.  I can actually tag this with the category "blogging."  That means Myspace apparently had enough people BLOGGING about BLOGGING that they had to create a damn category for it.  Seriously, this is like the first time I saw two Starbucks across the street from each other.  The apocalypse is nigh, my friends!

Second, and nearly as important: If you are new to my blog, you need to know a few things about me.  First and foremost, I am called the Moody Bastard for a reason.  I am one of the most opinionated, outspoken, and straight-laced people you'll ever meet.  I don't candy coat one damn thing, and I don't apologize for my views.  You may like what I have to say, you may hate what I have to say.  The simple truth is, there is no part of me that cares if you agree with me.  It's my blog, it's my viewpoint.  Feel free to say anything you want in the comments; I won't be offended.  I might respond, if your comments are worth responding to.  Or I might not.  Really, it just depends on how much time I have available between downloading Girls Gone Wild video clips training to be a cage fighter and rescuing orphans from burning buildings.

Also, and this is very important: if you actually like my blog and want to add me as a friend, you need to do two things: 1) See a doctor immediately, because that fall you took down the stairs obviously had some long-term effects, and 2) SEND ME A MESSAGE FIRST.  Due to the insane amount of naked webcam/win a free wii/join my Christian chat group/get paid to take surveys spam, I have a standing rule that I automatically deny any friend request from anyone who doesn't send me a message first explaining who they are and why they want to be added.

Lastly, and I cannot stress this enough: If you are in any way easily offended by ANYTHING (gay jokes (I don't bash, but I have been known to kid from time to time), pornography, foul language, or someone occasionally claiming that George Bush is NOT a Nazi)...you should leave now.  You will not like what I have to say, and most likely have lived a very sheltered life.  So sheltered, in fact, that you may actually die of shock just from reading some of the things I write.  It's that powerful, people.  Seriously, one time I showed a copy of my blog to a kid from Edina who forgot to wear his helmet, and his face melted off.  True story.

For the rest of you, enjoy.  Feel free to comment; I appreciate any and all feedback.  Of course, don't be surprised if you bash me and I fight back.  ;)  Thanks for taking a look.

9:56 PM - 5 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment

My first LIVE blog
Current mood: drained
Category: Sports

Bottom of 2nd, no one on, no one out, Giambi batting: FUCK.  I got home late.  Combination of work and weather kept me.  Sorry, folks, but you can't fight an act of God.  On the plus side, the Yanks are up 3-0 already.  I'll have to check on how that happened.

Bottom 2, 0 on, 1 out: ROBINSON CANO, BIYATCH!!  Gotta love a player who's willing to throw down a bunt like that.

 Bottom 2, 1 out, Cano on first: OK, so I just read up on how the Yanks got up 3-0.  Jeter extends his hit streak, and Matsui goes yard on Schilling, all in the first inning??  Oh, it's a GOOD night!

 Bottom 2, 1 out, Cano on first: Seriously.  I love Doug Mientkiewicz, but SWING THE FUCKING BAT, DOUG!!  This guy has been in an offensive shithole for far too long.

 Bottom 2, 2 out, Cano on first: My spellcheck just exploded while trying to comprehend "Mientkiewicz."

 Bottom 2, 2 out: HAHAHAHA!!!  Nice play, Lugo.

 Bottom 2, 2 out: OK, these people are idiots.  Saying Youkilis was going for the ball is like saying I'm trying to be an astronaut: sure, I might have aspired to it at some point, but it's not like I had ANY realistic opportunity.

 Bottom 2, 2 out: Wow.  This is gonna be a long night for Curt.  And in no way is that upsetting to me.

Bottom 4: Wow, I've got a lot of catching up to do.  The wife decided it was crucially important that I drop what I was doing so I could watch they boy while she read her book.  I'll keep up better from here on out, I promise.

Bottom 4, 1 out: DOUG MOTHERFUCKIN MIENTKIEWICZ!!!

4:33 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Greatest threat to national security? Volcanoes!
Current mood: pissed off
Category: News and Politics

Unless you're a pathetic loser who listens to talk radio and pays attention to the ridiculous political crap that goes on in Washington, you probably missed this.  Fortunately for you, faithful readers, I am exactly that kind of pathetic loser.

The Democrats muscled through a bill this week that would require the use of US security satellites and other resources in determining the threat of global warming on national security.  That's right, folks.  Rather than paying attention to terrorists or scanning Iran and North Korea for nukes, our poor misguided (and misinformed) left-wing pals in congress think it would be better to take a look at coral reefs and volcanoes:

"Climate change can have a serious impact on military operations and exacerbate global tensions," said Rep. Silvestre Reyes (D-Texas), chairman of the intelligence committee.

So, according to the Dems, the primary threat to national security isn't Iran.  It isn't North Korea.  It isn't al-Qaeda, and it isn't even ultra right-wing nutjobs with truckloads of fertilizer.  No, far more pressing than that, is a theory about climate change that quite a few environmental scientists reject.  First off, let me be very clear on one thing: I don't believe the hype surrounding global warming.  The earth has been around for millions of years, and as anyone who has actually studied this can tell you, it has undergone MANY natural heating and cooling cycles during that time.  The Democrats would have you believe that the earth has never heated to the extent that it is now.  This is a lie.  The Medieval Warming Period was actually far worse than this.  And if that isn't enough to kill the global warming hype, consider this: a recent study found that all planets...every single fucking one from Mercury to Neptune...is currently undergoing the same warming trend.  Don't believe me?  Look here.  Or here.  Is this due to Martians with large SUV's, running their air conditioning full blast year-round and using more than one single sheet of toilet paper (thanks to Sheryl Crow for that imagery, by the way)?  Or could it be that our warming and cooling cycles have more to do with the fact that we are part of a solar system, and that the sun, being the unstable mass of gasses that it is, may potentially burn hotter at times?  No, no, you're right; I'm just talking nonsense.  There's no scientific basis for that theory.  No, it's far more rational to believe that we humans, in the span of a couple hundred years, have done more damage to the planet than our predecessors did over the course of several million years.  Yes.  That makes sense.

Now, coming back off that tangent, let's get back to the topic at hand: even if there were such a thing as global warming (which there isn't), how many of you fair readers would consider volcanoes and melting icecaps to be one of our top 3...or 5....or even 900 security threats??  Those of you who raised your hands, please hand over your brain now.  It's apparent that you won't be needing it.

The best part about all of this, is that the Democrats have once again forced themselves into a situation where they can use the American public's general ignorance to make the Republicans look bad.  Look at it this way: let's say we use our satellites to track this global warming issue, and nothing happens.  We don't get attacked, we find bin Laden and cut his nuts off and feed them to him (I believe this punishment is spelled out very clearly in the Geneva Convention), and all is well.  The Dems can point to this and say that it is proof that these things are not a threat to security, and that this global warming thing is resources well spent.  Now, let's say that we divert these resources to the global warming thing, and all hell breaks loose.  Bin Laden remains at large, the Iranians develop nukes and are threatening everyone who's ever hurt their feelings, and we've undergone three major terrorist attacks.  NOW, the Democrats can point to the Bush administration (as they have been all along) and scream, "how could you let this happen??  Why haven't you found bin Laden yet??  How could you allow such a serious breach in security???"  And once again, as in the past, the ignorant and mindless American public would believe every word.

I should probably make note of this now: I am not a Republican.  I am not a Democrat.  I believe that both parties are equally harmful to our society and our way of life (although the Democrats seem to be leading the way lately).  I also believe that anyone who makes a decision based on party lines, rather than objectively listening to the evidence and making an informed opinion, is a fucking moron who should be lit on fire while their children watch.  I currently support a Republican in the 2008 Presidential election (you can determine who it is by looking at my friends list), but that is because I believe in the man and his ideals, not because of his party affiliation.

The bottom line is this: we are being fed very select bits of information through mainstream media.  Oftentimes, the most important stories are the ones we never hear about.  It's this kind of ridiculous, irrational behavior that is threatening our way of life.  Don't let that happen.  Pay attention to what your legislators are doing, and when they get out of line, let them know it.  It only takes 5 minutes to write a letter to your congressperson.  And if they don't listen to you now, then let them know about it when you step into the polling booth.  Finally, remember that the earth is not your mother.  If you want a reminder of that, just ask Nancy Pelosi, who has been screaming about the global warming thing to anyone within earshot, and yet who has also demanded her own private jumbo jet (the same model plane that the Vice President uses) for all of her travel needs.  But who can blame her?  I mean, sure the environment's important and all, but those commercial flights get really packed.  Most of the time, there's hardly any room for your laptop, and the stewardesses usually cut you off after like 3 drinks.  What the fuck is up with that?

9:13 PM - 5 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

The Red Sox Can Beat Up Your Crippled Grandmother
Current mood: indifferent
Category: Sports

So, the Red Sox swept the Yankees in Fenway Park for the first time in 17 years this weekend.  Oh, and they tied a Major League record by hitting four consecutive homeruns yesterday.  I guess people think this is a big deal.  I'm not sure why, to be honest.  Let's take a quick look at the Yankees' planned Opening Day roster: Left Field: Hideki Matsui.  Injured.  Center Field: Johnny Damon.  Injured.  Catcher: Jorge Posada.  Injured.  Pitchers: Mike Mussina, Carl Pavano (big surprise here), Chien Ming-Wang, Andy Pettitte.  All injured or ailing.  For those of you keeping score at home, that's EIGHTY FUCKING PERCENT of their starting rotation.  Which means we have to rely on people like Jeff Karstens, Darrell Rasner, Chase Wright, and Sean Henn.  Don't get me wrong; all of these guys can (and probably will) be great eventually.  But this is a year or two early.  You know what happens when you take a cake outta the oven before it's done baking?  It caves.  So, to be honest, I don't expect my beloved Yankees to do much between now and the first week or two of May.  When half of your starting lineup is down with injuries, you just make due and pray you play close enough to .500 ball to stay in there.

What IS news (although you wouldn't know it by reading the headlines anywhere), is the fact that the Yankees absolutely WRECKED Daisuke Matsuzaka yesterday.  Five runs in seven innings?  That's an ERA in the neighborhood of 7.  Interesting what happens when Dice-K faces a real ballclub, as opposed to the Royals and the Mariners.  You know, the more you see of Matsuzaka, the less impressive he becomes.  This "gyroball" that everyone's talking about isn't even a real pitch, if you listen to most experts.  And even if it does exist, it may actually not do anything.  And even if it does do something, Matsuzaka may not even actually know how to throw it.  But the sheer RUMOR of its existence, and of Dice-K's ability to throw it, has put this image in opposing batters' minds, making him appear unhittable.  Good thing that kind of thing really doesn't phase Yankee hitters; they teed off on him like the ball was a piñata filled with booze and blowjobs.  And apparently, Derek Jeter really likes booze and blowjobs, because he knocked the ball halfway to New Hampshire.  And if you slow the tape down to frame by frame, and look really really closely to determine what pitch it is that DJ hit out...I'll bet it's a gyroball.

3:55 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment