Great story...kinda sad it is over.
Current mood: melancholy
Category: Blogging
Ever read a book and gotten to the ending and then been sad that it was over. Not cause the ending was sad, but because it was this great story, and it came to an excellent climatic ending...and now it's over and you don't get to see what's next...well you kind of do, but still, it's done.
Feeling about like that right now. Only worse, because you can always pick a book back up and read it...
We ended our Shadowrun story tonight. Not that it was intentional, one of the players followed what his character would do and ended up forcing the climatic conclusion to the final battle. And it was a good conclusion, all the bad people died, the party survived...we put our differences behind us, since the ending few scenes put us on opposing sides. But really, given the options my character and the other one didn't have a choice.
But I'm going to miss the character. I really am. He was fun...the first character in a long time I've really gotten into, and everything was going so right for him. He was this loner outcast 17 year old gangbanger who got thrown out of his brother's gang for not being able to get cybered out. So after helping the party in a million little ways (Thanks to picking up a varied assortment of skills most of the others didn't have) and generally making himself useful, he realized his magical potential and started becoming a mage. He was taken under the wing of another mage who trained him, and kind of became a sort of father figure. One of the few people he would listen to and trust completely. And in between all this training he was doing runs with the group.
Then Dragons came into the picture. For those of you that don't know Dragons are absolutely insane in Shadowrun. I mean feasibly in DnD you could kill a dragon, and I'm sure at Epic levels it becomes almost trite. But in Shadowrun they are nigh unkillable...well I take that back, they are unkillable. Without the right weapons. So his mentor told him that the Dragons needed to die and that he knew a way. So they made dragon killing swords, and his mentor revealed that he himself was a half dragon. After that he made my character a dragon.
For those of you that know Shadowrun, and just shit bricks, I repeat he made me into a dragon.
Can you tell this is not a normal shadowrunning campaign yet?
So basically tonight, what happened is the party member most in the dragon's camp became a dragon himself and forced us into a confrontation together. Oddly enough it was 3 on 3 which was fitting, although 4 on 1 with dragon killing blades would have been more...agreeable? I guess.
Here's a short rundown. The dragons fought it out with the 3 mortals (2 PCs and 1 NPC) fighting the third dragon inside. The main bad guy faced off with my character's two draconic buddies and briefly the other PC and I faced off. Then he completed the death blow on my mentor/father figure, and I went over the edge. I tried to kill him by shifting back to human form and landing on his head and then stabbing him, but he blew an Edge to not let it happen. So instead, next pass I did a crazy anime run across the falling dead body of my Daddy dragon and do a leap at the dragon he was fighting and slice his neck in twain. I succeeded, and fell with the body, and then shifted back and begain to rip apart and eat the body in a blood frenzy. The other PC ran away, seeing that he was more or less f-ed in the A if he stayed. The other PCs fighting in the building still got blown out by an explosion...and caught by my friendly dragon and taken away.
Then about 3 seconds later, the other PC dragon's last ditch death blow triggered since his vitals disappeared when he teleported. Seeing an explosion starting to form I teleported away with my meal, leaving the city we were in to be blown up by an atomic explosion spreading radiation and biochemicals all over the North American continent (eventually).
Then, well the rest of my character's story is basically saving the NPC he cared about, and was kind of heading towards a romantic relationship with....the other PC dragon reconciling with him and basically calling for peace...and he and his lady wandering the Earth and doing whatever they wanted to at the time.
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Oct. 26 is World Zombie Day! Shreveport will have it's First Annual Zombie Walk! This free, all ages event will be held at Mall St. VIncent from 6 pm until 9 pm (or until all brains are eaten and all humans are turned!).
Not only will we be participating with over 50 cities around the world, we will also be part of a Guinness World Record Attempt! Shreveport is the only city in Louisiana to participate!
All participating zombies are encouraged to bring non-perishable food items, as the zombie walk will benefit the Northwest Louisiana Food Bank. They really need it since the hurricanes have depleted their stock.
Please register at the specified table so we can keep up with numbers for the World Record!
So please shamble in ready for some fun, contests with prizes, and to help a wonderful local cause!
The Highs and Lows
Current mood: melancholy
Category: Life
I've noticed something about myself.
Well, I've known about this for a while. No matter what I feel I want to feel it to it's fullest extent.
If I'm happy, I push myself to enjoy it so I can squeeze every bit of happiness out of things. I replay things in my mind and remember the last time I was with that person, at that place, doing something similar, etc... And I well and truly enjoy myself.
And the opposite is also true. When I am feeling down, I listen to sad music, remember all the bad times, all the things I've done I regret replay through my head again and send me spiraling down, down, down, until I hit rock bottom. Maybe not as rock bottom as I ever have been, but still...lower than most people sink when they just "been feeling a little down lately".
A few things spring to mind to explain this...maybe I think it makes me stronger to find my limits and push just a little farther. Maybe...maybe doing these things helps me stay laid back and neutrally content most of the time. Maybe I'm just a masochist...or maybe a little of all three.
I doubt either of these practices is very healthy, but then who out there is a picture of mental, emotional, and physical help. Maybe some monks somewhere living away from most of society and perfecting the body, mind, and soul. But a monk I am not. Although I have considered it...only if it came with kick-ass martial arts skills. :P
And part of me believes that to really know what something is you have to experience it's opposite. I mean you can't know what happiness is if you've never known sorrow...I don't think you can truly know love, until you know what hate and jealousy is. Some might disagree with such a stance, but I really do think you cannot recognize good, until you have at least faced the evil inside of you.
Sorry about that, started biting around the edges of something religious. Maybe if I back away slowly, noone else will notice. :D
"If I was chocolate, I swear I’d eat myself right now"
Category: Blogging
Name that quote.
Anyone that can gets...well nothing. Sorry. But thanks for playing.
So...Seth wrote this blog.
And it got me thinking. We talked at work one day about some things...how we both felt like we had lost parts of ourselves. He obviously has come to some decisions as to how, and why, and how to fix it. Me?
Well like I said, I started thinking. And I came to my computer, opened up this nifty new program I got with Microsoft Office called OneNote and started typing. Now as an aside, this program lends itself very well to stream of consciousness type writing, because you just click anywhere on the page and start typing...and from there you get a little text box you can drag and drop and resize and once you've completed a thought you can toss it out of the way somewhere and click somewhere else and start something new.
So that is what I did until I stopped...Either my brain meats ran out of soul juice, or something in my unconscious realized I had revealed enough to answer my question. So then I set about the task of organizing and analyzing the random assortment of diarrhea of the brain that spewed out all over my monitor. Mmm, that is a wonderful mental image, eh?
One thing I came to realize...by the end of this long and woeful diatribe of how stressed I am, how much my life sucks, and how it is very hard for me to trust people with anything I consider to be feelings...that I will spare you the gory details...is that my basic problem is just this. I'm fucking scared.
I don't have the balls to put myself out there anymore. I am generally content with my life, but...sometimes I feel like it's a waking nightmare...some hellacious nightmare where I am stuck like a zombie in a stupor for the rest of my days. Those are the days I want to pack a bag, and stick out my thumb and see where the world takes me (I've written a blog on that subject already).
"The only difference between a dream and a nightmare is how big your balls are, bitch." - The Fox
And I guess that is what it comes down to. I need to play like I've got a pair (trademark Privateer Press :D) and just...get the fuck out there and grab life by the throat.
And who knows...maybe that is really what I want deep down...maybe it's not my pulse quickening in fear, but in anticipation. I yearn for new experiences, so why do I feel like I am too afraid to go out there and find them?
Well, I guess it's back to the drawing board, kiddos.
""Whatever else I am, I'm a sheperd and a farmer. That's all." "Well, the sword that could not be broken was shattered in the end, sheepherder, but it fought the Shadow to the last. There is one rule, above all others, for being a man. Whatever comes, face it on your feet."
Some days you just wake up and want someone that is special to you, completely unprompted tell you how much they love you.
Some days, you wish someone would just rush into your arms and give you a big hug...just because.
Or maybe that's just me.
But I think even the hardest mother fucker out there...even the guy who would sell his grandma for booze money...wakes up every once in a while needing a hug.
Maybe that's just wishful thinking so I don't feel like a pussy.
Eh, who cares?
Some days you just need to kick back and enjoy a beer. It's been a while since I've just relaxed. Kick backed, and just chilled. I've been so tense and stressed lately because I don't relax...*sighs*
Ah well. Some day I'll get someone who will do the first two...right now I'll settle for the beer.
Again, start the music....it’s a good video and a good song. :D
Go....keep your eyes on the goal. Don’t get distracted. Run...
It’s funny...I haven’t slept easy almost this whole week. Although this is the first night I’ve been up at 4 AM writing a blog. But if I can make it work, I feel like I have never been happier.
What you ask?
Close your eyes, don’t lose focus. Keep your eyes on the goal. Don’t let it distract you, know matter how pretty it is.
Well that’s not important is it? As long as I’m happy. Which I haven’t been...for a long time. I always thought that was for a reason...that I’m not so sure of anymore. Maybe I was wrong...maybe I haven’t been happy just because it wasn’t that time yet. Now I know I should have been focused on the goal all along instead of getting distracted, because when you get distracted 5 years fly by and you are still sitting in the same place you were....wondering where the time went.
I really don’t know which way to go from here, but sometimes you’ve just gotta keep climbing the mountain and hope you get to the top soon....someone very important to me taught me that once.
One step after the other, ignore the pain, ignore the sweat. Take the next step. Go to that rock, ok, now that tree. Keep moving. Don’t stop. Stopping just makes it harder in the long run. Don’t slip. Focus. Don’t get distracted.
I don’t know if I have what it takes, but all I can do is keep moving. If I do that, everything in my life will fall into place eventually...right?
1. I'll respond with something random about you. 2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you. 3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle you in. 4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me. 5. I'll tell you my first memory of you. 6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of. 7. I'll ask you something I've always wondered about you. 8. If you do this you MUST post this on yours
The proof is in the pudding...in this case the pudding is known as idiocy
Before you read further..go here and read the article.
Now I would ask you, if you feel uninformed about the issue I have with this, to also go here and here as well as watch this video.
Now, first off with the easy reason this man is wrong. It has a M rating meaning you have to be at least 17 to purchase the game. MEANING it is the parents fault if they don't screen the games they give to their children. In this day and age, a non -technological parent is going to be duped by their children. The fact is that that blame cannot be laid at the feet of the game developers.
Secondly, what they have done is create an entire virtual world, and everything within it is optional. The point I am making is that any kind of sex act within the game certainly will not be necessary to proceed. Besides the fact that it would offend a lot of people and their delicate sensibilities, most games are about action, adrenaline pumping cutscenes and being a hero. Which has nothing to do with sex.
The whole things...well it seems about the equivalent of blaming Playboy because your kid steals one of your magazines. The only difference is that parents are uninformed about what content might be in today's games. I certainly hope once a few more years pass, and more parents are gamers themselves these kinds of people will shut the hell up. Because the fact is that is the best way...and as the more techno-geek generation, the ones that were bottle fed the internets, start having children, these people won't have a congregation to preach to.
So yeah I'm just blowing steam because it's better than trying to find this guy so I can punch him in the face. :P
Only in retrospect do you realize how many chances for happiness have passed you by...or supposed happiness. You think, maybe if I tried just a little harder. Maybe if I changed myself to be more like the person they wanted me to be. Maybe if I had been more confident, or more aggressive. Maybe if I had pushed for another chance, instead of settling...maybe we could have had a life together instead of all this distance.
At this point, I am about convinced I won't find someone who will fit right with me. There are so many rare qualities I am looking for...at least one of which I HAVE to have in someone I'm going to be with for the rest of my life....it would be like hunting a species that is down to only one in existence. The chances are majorly stacked against me.
And I just don't think God is a matchmaker. So maybe I should just take what happiness I can get out of life, and not worry about marriage, or children, or any of that. Being a bachelor for the rest of my life would be ok right? Right?
And hey, just one less thing I have to worry about.
Video Games...the Silent Killer????
Category: Web, HTML, Tech
It's funny. Every time I turn around people are blaming video games for something new.
"Oh remember that psycho that killed lots of people a few years back...he played video games!"
Yeah, him and at least 70% (a low estimate) of the world's population...
"If you didn't play games all the time, you would do well in school/life/whatever you are trying to do"
Uh, no. Not playing video games is not a magical cureall. If all video games were eradicated at this instant, it's not like suddenly every college slacker who is one bad grade from dropping out would become the perfect student...or every person out there with the potential to become a sociopathic mass murderer will suddenly be better.
Video games by themselves aren't the CAUSE of anything. They don't FORCE us to be anything. Sure, they are enjoyable...but if I didn't play video games I would have to find SOMETHING relaxing to do with my free time. Because I have tried not playing video games...and I lasted about a month and a half. It was the most crazy, stressed out, taxing month and a half I have ever gone through.
Why?
Because I don't have any other outlet for my stress. And for some reason, even though they are just pixels moving around the TV screen, games help me relax, and get away from life for a little while.
It's funny how easy it is to blame things we can't understand. And how easily we make excuses. I am quite aware that if I fail...it's not the video games that made me fail. That would be stupid and the easy way out to blame them. All they do is sit there, passively waiting for me to put them into the drive. Now if they could somehow psychically reach out and MAKE me play them...well then of course they are to blame.
Sorry, just a little rant....feel free to ignore or comment as you will.
melancholy
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