the giving of thanks
Current mood: determined

the giving of thanks
Current mood: determined

I am thankful for the warmth of the sun, for the tiny little buds that rip forth from the branches as the snow thaws. For the smell of winter, the magical crinkle that leaves make when you walk through them and all else is silent. I am thankful for my hands, my daughters eyelashes, that my heart works without asking...I am thankful for the glorious sounds of youth on every playground everywhere on earth. I am thankful for silence, for prayer, for communication with the divine.

I am thankful for love and the capacity to feel loss. I am thankful for Tootsie and that while she was here she ran in many a field and ate many a crabcake. I am thankful some day I will see her again. I am thankful for my proud, wise grandmother...an amazing woman that defended me when I was a boy and taught me that women can kick ass at anything a man can, and can usually do it better. I am thankful for Christmas cookies. I am thankful for the beautiful memories I have of being a child. I am thankful for the tree I played under every day at school, and the crabapple tree I read in. I am thankful for my little girl and for her beautiful voice and heart.

I am thankful that I can write and for the sounds that ring in me. I am thankful that even in the gathering darkness humanity and compassion always rear their peaceful heads. I am thankful for all the communities and cultures I have seen and have yet to see, and I am thankful for all belief systems, may they all lead us to some truth in our days here.

I am thankful for empathy.


I am grateful for the ability to give thanks. I am thankful for my pain, I am thankful for my growth. I am thankful for my mind and my genetic proclivity for organization. I am thankful for my father and what he taught me about mathematics. I am thankful for my mother and her incredible devotion to helping others. I am thankful to my sister and in awe of the work she is doing with her time here. I am thankful to Elmo for loving her, and me and impacting the lives of so many, so deeply. I am thankful for the sea and the overindulgent beauty of all the creatures that inhabit it. I am thankful for elephants, for dogs, for leafy sea-dragons and lemon sharks, for the stillness under 80ft of water and for puppy breath.

I am thankful for hope, and I am thankful for courage. I am thankful to be alive and thankful for light. I am thankful for the sound that matches make, and crickets and snow. I am thankful for subtlety and for truth and it's ability to trump anything. I am thankful for birthday cakes and sea lions, for music, for the number zero, for lucid dreams and for granular synthesis. I am thankful for the arts and the brave souls who lift up their importance in our schools. I am thankful for the sound of the cello.

I am thankful for it all...

Dark, light and what most everything really is,
somewhere in the middle.


I am thankful, hopeful, grateful...


Happy day of giving thanks.
Always
B

11:11 PM - 58 Comments - 122 Kudos - Add Comment

ones and zeros from amsterdam
Current mood: artistic

There it is again, it knows no quiet in my presence.
Singing softly...sweetly, with that same golden stillness I have know since my first moments in a body.
A quiet ephemeral voice that evaporates like dew at first light and whispered musings in the wind; Like shadow people that dance off into darkness when lights enters the darkness, or any other number of things that pull some heisenberg  type shit during direct observation.

The presence of nothing. The possibility of all things.

What a road.

I am looking right now at the chard remains of a hill, a park that knows thousands of my footprints and the sound of my breath at dusk. All that remains is white ash, a sprinkling of trees that through luck, fate or perseverance, dot the burnt horizon.

Thankfully this is natures way it to propagate the soil rich with nitrogen, so when life returns, it is greener and more resplendent than ever. From the end, the beginning, from the beginning the end.

I have not written for months. Any-thing. Not a note, not a poem, not a stroke of a painting. The longest period of abstinence in this artist's life. Silence (well there anyway).

This christmas, I began to regroup. I looked deeply into the cracks, the fabric, the materials and convictions that held the walls of my life in place. In some ways, the way tales of the psychedelic and/or transpersonal experience is often relayed. The subdivision of subdivisions and thoughtful questioning of why. Why each branch, each word, each hand, each thought, each molecule stood where it stood.

Some of you who have heard me speak have hear me say this.
There are quite simply 2 ways of being. In art, in life, in spirit, in presence.

Your either telling the truth
or your lying.

There is also in this what I will call the 80% law in effect at all times.. There is no 80 percent truthful, that would be called lying.

This echoes the sentiments of many traditions : from the duality of being and non-being,the presence of darkness and light, right down to the subatomic realm where existence and nonexistence and the rate at which they occur determine the building blocks of material reality.

Rhythm, frequency, periods and cycles, biorhythms, the Schumann resonance, string theory, wave propagation, constructive and destructive interference....all things undulate, swirl and swim everywhere and through everything, living and non-living. The quantum soup that is material reality stirs, and we, our loved ones and pop-tarts stir from the silence for an instant before returning to the everything.

We are almost nothing, yet in the small little something we are, is everything.

All there is to do here on this ball of dirt I am convinced is love.
Love your mom, your partner, your children, the trees, the sunsets, passerby's.
Just make more love.

Love as a way of being, not an act, action,or belief system.
Let me clarify. You can act loving, you can believe in love, create loving words or gestures.
These are good, just, powerful things. They certainly calibrate above integrity. New thought (not a but) BEING love is not an act, belief or idea,
It is just that, a way of BEING.

Beingness creates a charge that draws in like ways of being.

In the chaos that was Christmas / the sameness of my little neck of the known universe, all the unseen began to crawl into the visible. The mesh, the intent, the frame; silent functions of my little culdisac, took on brilliant glowing embers of enunciation I had yet to see.....or wished not too in most cases.

What we see and what we do not see is often a byproduct of a myriad of things : our social conditioning, our belief system, how we were raised, our conditioning etc. All these small rivers run into the ocean of our perception, and to each and every one of us, this finite capacity to interpret the great resounding song of the universe that dances around us is like an flat worm trying to explain a multi-dimensional object like an apple to...well, himself !!! (much less his friends)

Our experience is so powerfully subjective, and intimately intertwined with the interpreter. Not to mention...every though, belief and action becomes manifest in each of our small spheres. Wether conscious or unconscious.

Our small seeds become divine manifest.
Our perception is also both sides of the looking glass, both creator and creation.
One can only exist in the others presence as they are only exist in symbiosis.

It's a hundred o'clock ion Wednesday, on a plane over the ice caps....and Kaia and I just watched Happy Feet. Some where in some corner of Europe we set up shop for a month, and have the amazing joy of just singing for a month.

What do you tell a three year old that looks you dead in the eyes and says......"Dad, Anakin was good, and then he became Darth Vader, why did he turn to the dark side of the force" (this question is not paraphrased for dramaticism)

That was a two hour talk, on a small patch of grass in griffith park.....a patch that is probably no longer there.
Makes you want to know when your moments are happening.

What a moment to moment blessing beingness is. Parenting is my greatest joy. Who would have known, such beauty and joy can come from simple watchfulness, attentiveness and love without condition. Before I became a father.....well I don't even know, I feel like there never was that moment. My life is in devotion to raising a smart, ass kicking princess warrior. Thank you God for the opportunity..

All efforts of late have been on dismantling the hideous and egregious system and machine I have unwillfully built over the last period of what feels like a thousand years. I thought the people around me, treated their work with the same integrity that I treat mine. Remember I live in a world divided into a samples (int the literal not the vernacular). A new friend of mine that is an amazing animator said to me he experiences life 24 frames at a time. God did I understand that! I experience it in clicks of on and off the thickness of a hair on your arm. My work and my perception is molecular. It is with great intent I have created phrases such as "Nano-correcting". I live at the smallest level of sound, and even more importantly, in-fact most importantly in the intention and spaces between it.

So for for my myopic sins I have paid dearly. I looked around and suddenly my life was ripe with rotten fruit. Counselors, employees, "friends", confidants all sat at the table to drink my wine, eat the food I had spent years just tilling the soil to plant. And every single one of them, invited in with a smile and a waft of my own hand.

I look at someone like Britney Spears with such deep compassion. Although it's been quite some time since I've seen her, I intimately understand the feeling of looking in every corner of your life and realizing that it's all polluted. The managers, lawyers, the business...egregious, lecherous organisms that cannot survive without a host.

The man who used to manage me said confidentially to a friend of mine "I wish I had 10 clones of BT, I'd work them until they dropped and then replace them with his clone.....they only last seven years anyway, and then they end up addicts or dead".

Not something you really think is underneath the furniture when your busy creating techniques and technologies and trying to nudge the human narrative to the plus side a little.

What do you even say to that?

At any rate, the ebb and flow beneath all of my life and work has been rife with shady, lascivious entities that feel entitled to be apart of what I have spent my life creating......and creating with integrity.

Christmas, the ax fell. I fired 11 people and de (or more appropriately re) formed the terrain and fabric of my life. They fell like flies from a carcass. Even better, they were happy to go, because they all thought I was quitting. Little did every single one know, there was only one way to conjure their true face...tell them, show them, it was over.

Show me their faces they did. Every single one of them. I pounded the Earth ferociously and all matter went flying. The shit, the dirt, the excrement....waste flew miles into the atmosphere.....and now all that remains are the few 20+ year trees that are my friends, my tribe, my work, my daughter.


Anything without roots has been unveiled and extricated.

All I can see for miles around me, is fertile, nubile, tilled soil. What beauty lies ahead. What devotional music to write, art to create, techniques, and words, and strokes, notes to organize.

What beauty.

Do you ever think about organization in this way? Everything already exists. You could say the potential for everything already exists, but I think even stronger language than that is necessary here.

This laptop I am writing on began 2 ways. First there was an idea, a infitestimal fluctuation in the collective that graced an individual here among us with an spark...in-fact, this laptop is the byproduct of many many small downloads of information from the collective consciousness that created the frame work from with which to make a plan. That is part 1. Part 2 is, it already existed.

How?

(an aside note, in all things, ask WHY not HOW, in this case we will deal with the how, but if you listen to a piece of music and find yourself asking how?.....for the most part run to something that makes every cell in your being resonate with why. In the how is the show, in the why is the humanity.)

Always.

So here we ask how did it already exist. Every material, every atom, every bit of metal and plastic and silicone were assembled, organized from quanta that is in the here. Imagine all the other devices, and acts that are around us! Next time you look at the dirt or a cactus, think about that. All these beautiful and even hideous things, all here for organization and reappropriation. All things already exist, we just have to organize them.

Now I fly to be with a friend, to sing in-front of many.....and to dig in me and try to spread some light into the world.
I am deeply grateful for the opportunity.

Last week, the sample lawsuit ended, and it was ruled in our favor, and I am forever grateful to my attorneys Julie, David, Anthony, Lauren, Jennifer, Eric, Shireen and Lawrence Lessig for his guidance and fight for fairness in copyright law. Glasses up to Kirkland and Ellis and The Creative Commons. I will never be able to fully express my gratitude. This group of incredible people have freed me to return to my art.
Wining is nothing.

Fighting for the truth and winning is everything.
With deep respect
??B?

11:11 PM - 118 Comments - 240 Kudos - Add Comment

1 degree off a full headwind
Current mood: bouncy

These on and off bits are streaming from computer to a wi-fi network on an intranet on a Korean air flight from Jakarta to Seoul. The are bouncing from this airplane to earth on a beautiful starry night in September of 2006. And like the original magics; fire, alchemy, space travelwe bend technologies as to more fully communicate.

So that all that makes us human,
may continue.

(this morning)))))
I am sitting on the end of a long stone jetty,
old slate grey barnacled rocks clumped together.stringing out to the sea.
Its several hours after sunrise, the sound of call to prayer
Ringing forth from a thousand mosques still dreamily looping in my ears.

There are little red ants that have decided to make this laptop their new home.
Its Saturday morning in Jakarta.

A beautiful but very scrawny orange and white tabby cat has decided to keep me company, she seems certain that her new western friend will make crab hunting easier

Its funny the things we think and the assignments we make. Even cats, lol.

I watched a fisherman at sunrise in the bay, at first I thought it was a man in the sea meditating. His arms outstretched in the faint silent orange light, the searing calls from mosques in the distance.he moved with such poise and purpose, slower and more thoughtful than a panther perched waiting for his prey. Then in the silence, stillness, like the moment when youve fully exhaled and have yet to take your next breath..in slow motion, with the sacrosanct movement of a monk; a net leapt forth. And tonights dinner curled up in his net,
and the cycle continues..

Around my feet there are rats, and crabs, and the sea is splashing up loudly around me. Sounds like shes saying welcome home although shes probably saying why do you leave me for so long or maybe both. I am both at peace and deeply engaged in thought. Still motion.

It is astonishing what you can conjure when you are quiet. Just the act of being still is sacred. No wonder all the spiritual traditions focus on breath and stillness.

To give you an idea of the randomly juxtaposed images here, there are flower pedals in the surf break with a dark smokestack from the local factories in the horizon. The new and the now.

So here I sit, and in she comes..stillness.

The crabs are eating the barnacles, my cat friend is trying to catch crabs, rats or anything else that is even remotely edible, and I am here somehow..just where I am supposed to be, taking it all in. One breath at a time.

What always impresses me in any situation, is both the humanity of every interaction, and the available access to the divine at any given moment. Its so hard to remember that! At any moment, in an argument, in a heated interaction with someone in traffic or on the phone with 411, ANYWHERE, there is an opportunity for divine interaction. Ever heard where two or more congregate in my name, I am there? May we all live that truth daily : )

Several weeks ago I had the good fortune of taking a cab in clear water Florida. I will never be able to express in words how profound and affirming of an experience this ride was, but let me say..its reminded me how beautiful the design is, and how blessed I feel to be here just breathing.

My drivers name was Jeffery. We sat and talked and interacted in such powerful truthfulness, it reconciled a thousand meaningless or hostile interactions Ive had in my life. What an empowering and beautiful experience. I was telling him how he was an affirmation that I have an ongoing conversation with the universe, that takes different situations and circumstances and begins the next line of a sentence that spilled forth from someone completely unrelated (in our worldviews) mouth. He started 3 conversations that had been ongoing in my little sphere that day. He told me beautiful stories, about his family, about his mother, about humanity, about his passengers. One that was so important for me to hear was about gauging a situation by feeling as opposed to conditioning. He told me a story about driving into the ghetto on a call for a driver, that none of the other drivers would take. Cabs would sometimes get called to a dead end street, the driver pulled from the cab and beaten, all his money taken and sometimes even the cab for parts. He took a call one night that could have well ended that way, but far from it.

Darkness is the absence of light, and thats all.

He pulled down to the end of a long string of row houses, in a really rough neighborhood, round about 3am. From the last house a figure appeared in the doorway, silhouetted, hobbling, emaciated, forlorn she struggled down the sidewalk and hobbled up to the car. She could barely open the door he recounted, but in time she did. His first thought was she was a crack addict or intravenous drug user. Oh our first thoughts sometimes right! She slumped in the seat and asked to be taken to the hospital. He turned around and started down the street. The were not in the car for even 5 minutes when it began. She went into a full grand mall seizure. He recounted holding the wheel with one hand and reaching into the back seat with his other hand to hold her tongue, her teeth involuntarily lashing at him. He drove like an insane person he told me, running lights and at one point juggling the steering wheel with one hand and his CB to call his dispatcher to have the hospital ready. They flew into the parking lot of the emergency room, he flung open the doors and pulled her frail little body from the back, still shaking and in the throws of the neural thunderstorm we call a seizure. He went running in the door of the hospital and as they did, she opened her eyes. Looking up, completely lucid she said weakly sickle cell shock and slowly you saved my life, I was out of medicine.

He handed her fragile being to the doctors and as they put her in a stretcher to take her away for treatment she said wait wait!! I forgot to pay you

That lady would have probably died. There is a contextual fabric, like a shawl woven around the universe, that holds and cloaks, protects, covers, seals, uplifts all action and activity. When one piece of that fabric is pulled, you may be the thread in some small, unknown netherworld that is called into being, to protect the natural balance. It is the obligation, I believe of all conscious entities to willing serve this great balance. However, if your not serving it, your serving it anyways!! (but dont let that give you any ideas).

In light of my current struggles, guffules, lack of sleep, relationship drama, massive work drama, and a slew of other undesirables, I am drawn to a concept my mother taught me about sailing, that I think just about summarizes my life.

I often say to people, anything with purpose or profound or universal meaning is not easy to bring forth, to witness or to create. You know I just thought of a MUCH better description of myself than a composer, or artist or whatever. I am a midwife for the truth. Thats it plain and simple. And truths, although simple, can be so expensive to birth..both energetically, physically etc.

So back to this concept in sailing. My mom, told me the greatest feeling shes ever had in a sailboat, is to sail almost directly into the wind. I really didnt get this at all, honestly. That threw my Bernoullis principle, thermo-dynamics into a blender and rendered any and all, scientific knowledge I had about such a possibility, useless. At any rate, after much diagramming, and discussion (which I will not go into here, but is really cool to understand if your interested, (worth the google read for sure). This concept is astonishing. A skilled sailor knows how to use a direct (1 degree off direct) headwind, and sail straight at it. Its also the hardest thing you can ever do in a sailboat. Hence it also yielding such a tremendous sense of accomplishment. My mom told me, the hardest and best thing she ever did in a boat was rip forward across the water, 1 degree off a direct head wind.

That friends has been my whole life.

Ive been in such a panic, realizing I am often surrounded by people who do not understand what I am trying to birth, and asking for their help in supporting my art. Praying, begging, screaming..I received thousands of messages from people that could not even find my record in stores last week (on a side note I am going to send a bulletin where to find TBU in stores, but for now, if you cant find it you can order here from Amazon here http://www.amazon.com/This-Binary-Universe-BT/dp/B000G8OZ16/sr=8-1/qid=1157990568/ref=pd_bbs_1/103-5996454-1281405?ie=UTF8&s=music

2 years of work and then this?

Its nothing 6 months of 20 hour days can solve I can tell you that..but it is in Gods hands now. I know whats been said, and witnessed its truth speak, and my only wish is for people to receive that. I feel like that record is like an amulet. Like I can hold it in the air and it can deflect bullets, no words or negativity can penetrate it, and it gets stronger, the longer it is outside my head and in peoples hands. People empower it with their compassion. I have never felt so thankful about a body of work and I am beyond humbled and grateful..

So there it is..Pull my hoodie up over my ears, Kaia tack and batten down the hatches; ) I set a course one degree off this headwind I have learned to circumnavigate, and do not know where well land..

But as usual, I know it will be beautiful.

With every speck of love in the universe that is mine to share : )

B

p:s: I had what I think is a super cool idea.....I set up an IM account BTlaptopsymphony. You can now IM me when I am performing. Obviously I can't IM you back, but if you've got a song you want me to play....blow my shit up and I will try to accomidate!!! Thank you all tonight for Atlanta :)

1:17 PM - 61 Comments - 112 Kudos - Add Comment

The Blank Page.....
Current mood: calm

A blank page…..
My favorite feeling in the world.

I remember when I was about 11 or 12. Something that my father did for me that I really appreciated, he would bring me a couple blank cassettes now and then. I get the same feeling with a clean hard disk, virginal snow, buying canvas, a new instrument....

They are unpolluted, sacrosanct in their in experience, or lack there of, willing, waiting, representing infinite possibility, potential. And even better, they make no promises, and ask nothing. They just are. I love that. And you can walk in the snow, or paint on the blank canvas, or burn magnetic information on the cassette, and like your efforts or not;
and they don't care, there is no judgment, attachment to a specific outcome, they are just there willing to receive information. This is how I wish to live, come to think of it :)

Receptive, open, non-judgmental, willing, excited to experience without attachment to a given out come. Anthropomorphic? Yeah maybe, but everything is charged with life, even if it does not breathe….and wouldn't it make us all more comfortable to not think that we have some sort of responsibility to the snow :)

Planes, trains and automobiles again > Well in correct order, a cab mini van, the monorail and next NW flight 867 to Memphis and then back to Lost Angels.

Being a father has changed everything about how I see the world. Not only are the colors richer, my experiences have acquired a profound depth….even the seeming mundane acts have tremendous significance, consequence, possibility; but there is something else, and it comes to me all the time.

It's something about humanity that I have never thought before and if I did, certainly not assimilated experientially. It's that each of us was once a child and have been broken and exalted in certain ways, and more than that most of us are living from that place of want and desire to be cared for and nurtured to, and we look outwards to the world to confirm or deny the things we've been told about ourselves, by our parents and our families, and we seek those affirmations in our daily living by the choices we make, the situations we gravitate towards both positive and negative; most of our internal compasses are piloted instead of by will, and openness, by a lost little four old that wants his moms arms around him or her.

That's the person I see now in every interaction.

Ed, the guy that drove me to the airport. Somebody changed that guys diapers, cared for him, held him when he cried and made him (hopefully) feel like that even though being here and experiencing this life can be extraordinarily painful, that there is always love, and the possibility of anything, both good and bad. This just makes me want to put my arms around everyone I meet.

Kaia, you have given me a gift I will cherish until my last breath…

We all have our brokenness, and challenges, and some of us can seem like real assholes some of the time. Instead of wanting to judge what I don't understand, being a father has taught me that we've got more in common that we don't; and at the root of it all, we are living in a world where the common denominator is the want for love.

50 cent, Paris Hilton, Samui, my house plants…you, and I, my beautiful daughter, the whole world just wants to feel loved. We act this out and search for it in a plethora of different arenas, both healthy and unhealthy but there it is at the root of every interaction.

Scappa said to me, every act is either a call for love or an act of love.

I think I've written that here before > but it's too good to not repeat. Kaia you've made me want every moment of consciousness I have left to be an act of love. Thank you for the greatest gift anyone's ever given me.

I saw some friends I'd not see for way to long last night here in Tampa. Bill Hamel, Mica, Jason, Chris, it was wonderful to see you, and Netty (spl?) it was really fantastic to meet you. It was killer to play you some of the This Binary Universe record Bill, and thank you for your words man J It is my most proud musical achievement to date. Everything that I am, and hope for is in those 7 compositions. I can't wait for you guys to hear this shit, as Bill said to me last night, it's pretty indescribable, so I wont even tempt to explain other than to say I wrung my soul out on this one, and for once, giving birth didn't hurt at all >

God, so much to talk about, what I originally wanted to write this blog about was manifest destiny, synchronicity and an event that set off the course of action in my life that I have traveled for the last 14 years >

I love when you get a glimpse of the path, like staring at one of those 3d paintings in the mall, suddenly in one revelatory moment, it appears, it congeals, and coalesces and we connect with it

I love that……

When I turned 21 I was was living in Los Angeles, in a tiny little apartment, with my O3rw, a D-70 and S900, an MPC-60 and an incredibly supportive and encouraging girlfriend, a handful of close friends and a lot of hope and frustration, and a great want to make a living making music.

I wish you could all see the sky right now. A low covering of Strata - cumulus clouds, she is beautiful today the sky. I spent so much time up here >

Anyway, at 21 I was going to the airport to pick up my father. He was coming to LA to visit me, and he had not come before, and he only came one time after, and not only was it an important event for me on many levels, but this day smelled of the sub atomic fabric, the ether banging and clouding together, conspiring, plotting, making a plan, the electrons and neutrinos all gathered for drinks giggling about my soon to be "miss "fortune, that was a curveball for a slight change of course, by even less than a degree, that sent me sailing into the wind, tacking a degree off a straight headwind, and has brought pain and joy in equal amounts.

In my little black 89' beaten to shit Honda accord, rushing to the airport

BANG!!!!!!!

Just below Santa Monica bvld, on La Cienega. A car hit his breaks, and I slammed into them hard without warning, the chance to think, or to act accordingly.

How can an accident be beautiful you ask? Well, by the little tear in the space time fabric it eschewed, and the impetus to land a tow at least in the right spot at the right time, so to speak >


Here's what happened. All the sudden, there was a tow truck there. In LA, tow truck drivers will check the accident reports and be there to tow you to a certain garage (with I am sure some kind of profit sharing incentive) before you even get a chance to call the police, AAA, anyone. I didn't know that then, but even knowing it now, it's beautiful and fortuitous. It's amazing the judgment we get caught up in, by the messenger, or the event, the "how" something beautiful unfolds. There is beauty and promise, in even the darkest, or seediest events. It's there, it's in everything, the blank canvas, possibility, sometimes we have a tendency to spit in it's face, because it does not come delivered in the need little shrink wrapped package we want it in, and we miss, something of great significance.

This is an ongoing lesson for me, and one of my greatest ones. To listen, everywhere, even when it looks crazy, sounds stupid, or comes from someone I feel I have nothing in common with.

Anyway, there he was, my tow truck driver, picking me up before I could call to ask for one, trying to earn his 5% or whatever of the repair cost of my car.

Formalities and the event at hand are discussed, I get into his tow truck, we head off for the garage and after a while we begin to talk.

What do you do?

I am an artist >

What kind of artist? Do you sing?

Well yeah, I do, but I do a lot of other things too, it's kind of confusing ( it still is, but now I'm proud of that, lol)

Well you should enter talent contest, if you win you'll get a record deal.

Long story and years later, here's the story….I did enter, and I didn't win, and for the love of GOD I hope no one has a tape of that.

But here's the path, from this event, I met my voice teacher at the time Seth Riggs, and then my friend Aaron, and then Vie and then my dear friend Tony Stewart and then Tommy Page, and then I produced my first record and then I had the money for studio time so Ali and Sharam and I had the resources to start Deep Dish, and then Larry Flick from Billboard wrote "deep dark and subtle, look no further than The Moment of Truth by BT on Deep Dish (my first press ever)

…..and then meeting Kurosh (who is still my friend and attorney, and those words don't usually follow each other in a sentence….at least in my experience), and Kurosh sent me to England to work with Guy Oldhams in Manchester, and I wrote Quark and Tripping the light fantastic, and then Guy introduces Sasha to my music and he calls me and says "what your doing is important and the people in England are going to totally embrace it"

…..and Kurosh and Music Now flies me BACK out there, and on that trip I meet Spencer Baldwin and Paul Okenfold, and they listen to my music (I carried IMA around on DAT's in a sock, because I couldn't afford a DAT bag), and they loved what they heard the night I met Spencer at Sasha's studio and he said, come into the office tomorrow to show everyone what you do

….and I went there and met Max Hole (the MD at the time) and Paul, and after formalities they said….."Okay, let's hear this music Spencer has been raving about" and I didn't bring the sock, instead I brought my guitar, and they were like WTF? And they took the phones off the hook and I sang and played for them about 10 songs, including, Embracing the Future, Live and Learn and Give Love a Try and a ton of other things you guys have never heard (that I may share someday J )

…..everyone applauds and are really kind and into it etc, and after, Paul comes up to me and says "I don't know what the hell your doing but it's great (a little fortuitous, lol) and I get my first record deal on that trip

….and then I tour and live in England on and off for 5 years, and start producing other artists, and have a couple UK top 10's and then I move back to MD with Dominique, I meet Doug Lyman, I score my first film, and then before you know it I am at Peter Gabriel's house,and performing for thousands of people and a long list of other childhood dreams and checked off, and I write, and I write and I write…..

There is my path.


Thanks God for the accident, and thanks for my fortune >

Next time it looks dark, or strange, or unfamiliar, try to take your judgments out of the situation and ask yourself, what is it that is really happening here, and what could I be possibly overlooking that is a gift that is trying desperately to give its self to you.


I speak for myself here as well J Thank you all for your support, for some kick ass shows this weekend, and more beautiful life experience

go with love >>>

B


Ps: anyone here that is a geek, here's a little gift for you. I am going to publish the whole thing with the This Binary Universe record. I wrote one of the songs completely in code in cSound. The song is called "everything that makes us human, continues". If you have cSound (it's a free download if your don't and are interested), compile this and you'll hear one of the main riffs from the song. Like I said when the record comes out, I will publish the whole thing, this whole thing I wrote in Thailand last Christmas, from scratch. Enjoy J

Copy paste this into the orchestra file :



sr = 44100

kr = 4410

ksmps = 10

nchnls = 2


instr 101


.r{}

itempo = 100
kenv linseg 14000, .12, 8000, .15, 3000, .12, 1200, .11, 400, .7, 0
kenv2 linseg 15000, .11, 2000, .16, 900, .11, 500, .12, 200, .8, 0
kenv3 linseg 25000, .09, 9000, .6, 4000, 1, 0
ktone line 0, p3, 1
kbrite line 6.2, p3, 6.2
kbrite2 line 7.6, p3, 7.6
kfadefilter line 1500, p3, 25000
kfadefilter2 line 100, p3, 8000
kverbpan3 lfo 20, p3*.02
ileveloscs = p4
a1 hsboscil kenv*.18, ktone, kbrite, cpspch(p5+2.0), 2, 3, 10, -1
a2 hsboscil kenv2*.18, ktone, kbrite2, cpspch(p5+3.0), 2, 3, 10, -1
a3 oscil kenv3, cpspch(p5+3), 4
a4 oscil kenv3*0.01, cpspch(p5+1.6), 4
a5 oscil kenv3, cpspch(p5-2.4), 4
a6 oscil kenv3*.2, cpspch(p5-2.0), 4
a7 oscil kenv3*.2, cpspch(p5-1.4), 4
a5hp butterhp a5, kfadefilter2
amixhp1 butterhp a1+(a2*.1), kfadefilter+1000
amix = amixhp1*.1+a3+a5hp+a4+a6+a7
acomb comb amix, .007, .01, 4.0
al, ar babo acomb, kverbpan3, 0, 0, 8.39, 7.86, 40,
ahilinput = (amix+a3+a5hp+a4+a7) + (al*.3)
kfreq linseg cpspch(p6), p3, cpspch(p6)+.001
ahilL, ahilR hilbert ahilinput
asin oscili 1, kfreq, 5
acos oscili 1, kfreq, 5, .25
amod1 = ahilL * acos
amod2 = ahilR * asin
aupshift = (amod1 + amod2) * 0.71
adownshift = (amod1 - amod2) * 0.7
aoutL = aupshift +ar*.1
aoutR = adownshift +acomb*.3
khpline line 440, p3, 180
kpanL line 1, p3, 0
kpanR line 0, p3, 1
aoutLhp butterhp aoutL* ileveloscs, khpline
aoutRhp butterhp aoutR* ileveloscs, khpline

ilevl = .71
itap1 = 0.3
itap2 = 0.45
itap3 = 0.6
itap4 = 0.9
ifdbk1 = 0.75
ifdbk2 = 0.69
ifdbk3 = 0.71
ifdbk4 = 0.72
irate1 = 0.7
irate2 = 0.2
irate3 = 1.1
irate4 = .5
ifdbk = 0.059

atap1 init 0
atap2 init 0
atap3 init 0
atap4 init 0

ataps sum atap1, atap2, atap3, atap4
afdbk = ataps*ifdbk
afdbk1 = atap1*ifdbk1
afdbk2 = atap2*ifdbk2
afdbk3 = atap3*ifdbk3
afdbk4 = atap4*ifdbk4
apan1 oscil .5, irate1, 1
apan2 oscil .5, irate2, 1
apan3 oscil .5, irate3, 1
apan4 oscil .5, irate4, 1
kfilt1 lfo .01, irate1/4, 5
kfilt2 lfo .01, irate2/4, 5
kfilt3 oscil .5, irate3/2, 5
kfilt4 oscil .5, irate4/2, 5
apan1 = apan1 + .5
apan2 = apan2 + .5
apan3 = apan3 + .5
apan4 = apan4 + .5
atap1 delay aoutLhp + afdbk1, itap1, itap1
atap2 delay aoutLhp + afdbk2, itap2, itap2
atap3 delay aoutRhp + afdbk3, itap3, itap3
atap4 delay aoutRhp + afdbk4, itap4, itap4
atap1rf butterlp atap1, 5000*kfilt1, 200
atap2rf butterlp atap1, 2700*kfilt2, 230
al = atap1rf*sqrt(apan1) + atap2rf*sqrt(1 - apan2)
ar = atap1rf*sqrt(1 - apan1) + atap2rf*sqrt(apan2)
al = al + atap3*sqrt(apan3) + atap4*sqrt(1 - apan4)
ar = ar + atap3*sqrt(1 - apan3) + atap4*sqrt(apan4)

aoutLhpan = aoutLhp*kpanL+aoutRhp*kpanR
aoutRhpan = aoutRhp*kpanL +aoutLhp*kpanR
aoutsL = aoutLhpan + al*ilevl
aoutsR = aoutRhpan + ar*ilevl


outs aoutsL*.7, aoutsR*.7
endin

instr 102


.r{}


itempo = 100
kenv linseg 14000, .12, 8000, .15, 3000, .12, 1200, .11, 400, .7, 0
kenv2 linseg 15000, .11, 2000, .16, 900, .11, 500, .12, 200, .8, 0
kenv3 linseg 25000, .09, 9000, .6, 4000, 1, 0
ileveloscs = p4
a3 oscil kenv3, cpspch(p5), 4
a4 oscil kenv3*0.01, cpspch(p5+1.7), 4
a5 oscil kenv3, cpspch(p5-2.4), 4
a6 oscil kenv3*.2, cpspch(p5-2.0), 4
a7 oscil kenv3*.2, cpspch(p5-1.5), 4
anreverb nreverb a3+a4+a5+a6+a7, 3.9, .2
adryL = a3+a4+a7
adryR = a5+a6+a7
ahilinput = adryL
kfreq1 linseg 0, p3, 1
kfreq2 linseg 0, p3, 1
ahilL, ahilR hilbert ahilinput
asin oscili 1, kfreq1, 5
acos oscili 1, kfreq2, 5, .25
amod1 = ahilL * acos
amod2 = ahilR * asin
aupshift = (amod1 + amod2) * 0.7
adownshift = (amod1 - amod2) * 0.7
aoutL = adownshift
aoutR = aupshift
khpline line 120, p3, 180
kpanL line 1, p3, 0
kpanR line 0, p3, 1
aoutLhp butterhp aoutL* ileveloscs, khpline
aoutRhp butterhp aoutR* ileveloscs, khpline
aoutLmix = adryL+(aoutLhp*.01)
aoutRmix = adryR+(aoutRhp*.01)
ilevl = .50
irate1 = 0.7
irate2 = 0.2
irate3 = 1.1
irate4 = .5
ifdbk = 0.059
apan1 oscil .5, irate1, 1
apan2 oscil .5, irate2, 1
apan3 oscil .5, irate3, 1
apan4 oscil .5, irate4, 1
apan1 = apan1 + .5
apan2 = apan2 + .5
apan3 = apan3 + .5
apan4 = apan4 + .5
iptest = p6+p7+p8+p9
if iptest == 4 kgoto outnoramp
if iptest != 4 kgoto outramp



outnoramp:

aeighth = .50
adottedeight = .75
aquart = 1.00
adottedquart = 1.50
atap1 flanger aoutLmix, aeighth, .75
atap2 flanger aoutLmix, adottedquart, .69
atap3 flanger aoutLmix, aquart, .71
atap4 flanger aoutLmix, adottedeight, .72
atap1rf butterhp atap1, 300
atap2rf butterhp atap1, 300
al = atap1rf*sqrt(apan1) + atap2rf*sqrt(1 - apan2)
ar = atap1rf*sqrt(1 - apan1) + atap2rf*sqrt(apan2)
al = al + atap3*sqrt(apan3) + atap4*sqrt(1 - apan4)
ar = ar + atap3*sqrt(1 - apan3) + atap4*sqrt(apan4)
aoutLhpan = aoutLhp*kpanL+aoutRhp*kpanR
aoutRhpan = aoutRhp*kpanL +aoutLhp*kpanR
aoutsL = aoutLhpan + al*ilevl
aoutsR = aoutRhpan + ar*ilevl
outs (aoutsL*p4)*.5, (aoutsR*p4)*.5


outramp:

adelayline linseg 1, p3/32, .5, p3/32, .25, p3/32, .125, p3/16, .0625, p3/16, .03125, p3/16, .015625, p3/16, .0078125
kdelayup downsamp adelayline
kdelayline portk kdelayup, .2
adelayup upsamp kdelayline
atap1 flanger aoutLmix, 0.50* adelayup, .89
atap2 flanger aoutLmix, 1.50* adelayup, .79
atap3 flanger aoutLmix, 1.00* adelayup, .69
atap4 flanger aoutLmix, 0.5* adelayup, .74
atap1rf butterhp atap1, 300
atap2rf butterhp atap1, 300
al = atap1rf*sqrt(apan1) + atap2rf*sqrt(1 - apan2)
ar = atap1rf*sqrt(1 - apan1) + atap2rf*sqrt(apan2)
al = al + atap3*sqrt(apan3) + atap4*sqrt(1 - apan4)
ar = ar + atap3*sqrt(1 - apan3) + atap4*sqrt(apan4)
aoutLhpan = aoutLhp*kpanL+aoutRhp*kpanR
aoutRhpan = aoutRhp*kpanL +aoutLhp*kpanR
kline linseg 0, p3/2, .4, p3/3, 1
iline = i(kline)
aoutsL = aoutLhpan + al*ilevl
aoutsR = aoutRhpan + ar*ilevl
outs ((aoutsL*p4)/2)*kline, ((aoutsR*p4)/2)*kline
endin





and this into the score >




.r{}



f1 0 32768 10 1
f2 0 4096 10 1
f3 0 1024 -19 1 0.5 270 0.5
f4 0 4096 10 1
f5 0 16384 10 1

t 0 75

..define BELLSOFLIFE ..

;inst start dur vol Pitch HilbertPitch

i101 0 8 1 4.00 8.00
i101 1.25 8 .9 5.00 6.00
i101 3 8 1 4.00 6.00
i101 4.5 8 .85 4.00 7.00
i101 5 8 1 4.00 8.00
i101 7.5 8 .79 3.00 6.00
i101 8 8 .62 4.00 8.00
i101 9 8 1 4.00 8.00
i101 9.25 8 .13 3.00 6.00
i101 10.5 8 .92 5.00 6.00
i101 13 8 1 4.00 6.00
i101 14.5 8 .67 4.00 7.00
i101 15 8 1 4.00 8.00
i101 17.5 8 1.21 3.00 6.00
i101 17.75 8 .33 4.00 7.00
i101 18 8 .7 4.00 7.00
i101 19 8 .5 3.00 8.00
i101 20 8 1 4.00 3.00
i101 21.5 8 .67 4.00 12.00
i101 22 8 1 4.00 9.00
i101 22.5 8 1.21 3.00 5.00
i101 22.75 8 .33 4.00 4.00
i101 23 8 .7 4.00 6.00
i101 24 8 .5 3.00 10.00 ..

..define SINE ..

;inst start dur vol Pitch DelRatio1 DelRatio2 DelRatio3 DelRatio4

i102 0 8 1 4.00 1 1 1 1
i102 0 1 .3 6.07 2 2 .5 8
i102 0.5 8 .6 5.00 1 1 1 1
i102 1 8 .6 3.00 1 1 1 1
i102 1.50 8 .13 5.00 1 1 1 1
i102 2 8 .85 7.00 1 1 1 1
i102 2.5 8 .6 6.00 1 1 1 1
i102 3 4 1 6.00 .25 .50 4 2
i102 3.5 8 .6 7.00 1 1 1 1
i102 4 8 .9 4.00 1 1 1 1
i102 4.5 8 .6 5.00 1 1 1 1
i102 5 8 1 6.00 1 1 1 1
i102 5.25 8 .15 5.00 1 1 1 1
i102 5.5 8 .5 7.00 1 1 1 1
i102 6 8 1 5.00 1 1 1 1
i102 6.5 8 .4 7.00 1 1 1 1
i102 7 8 1 4.00 1 1 1 1
i102 7.5 4 .6 7.00 2 2 1 2 ..



$SINE.
$BELLSOFLIFE.
b 8
$SINE.
b 16
$SINE.
b 24


e

11:11 PM - 53 Comments - 69 Kudos - Add Comment

the 06 :)
Current mood: rushed

What a journey this year has been. One of the hardest, most confusing, turbulent, powerful, constructive, exhausting, overwhelming, important, frustrating, cacophonous, yet creative and beautiful years of my life.

I gotta admit.

Not one that I will be unhappy to say goodbye too.
With exceptions of course. What a beautiful year of growth watching and parenting Kaia. Watching her walk, sign, speak, swim…..beauty indescribable.

But personally, a train wreck, four huge legal wars, that alone have not only eaten my savings, but have put me so far in debt it may take me years to recover….that is if I escape bankruptcy. One lawsuit is ongoing. There is a guy in New York, that claims ONE loop on my sample CD (a one bar loop) is his. A composer used it in a Pfizer commercial and he heard it, say’s it’s his (I made the loop in Reason in about 5 minutes, and furthermore after paying a musicologist 10,000$, found out that it’s the first beat in the book “Intro to drumming”, literally the first beat they teach you when you learn to play drums). Well how’s this for the American legal system…..

He is suing me for 10 MILLION DOLLARS.

Not joking. He’s also suing East/West the company that distributed my CD for 10 million dollars and Pfizer etc. We have done FFT analysis of the loop, showed the judge waveforms, etc…..does not matter, in America, you can sue anyone for anything. Here’s the kicker…..I have to pay for my own defense, and this guy has some ambulance chaser attorney working on a percentage with nothing better to do than try to force a settlement with a huge corporation, and some guy that just loves making music and sounds, so he can sit on his ass and smoke weed all day. I swear sometimes I want to renounce my citizenship.

Anyway, all this anti-legal, expatriate sort of stuff may be coming from the fact that I am in one of the most beautiful, eco friendly, amazing people, food, diving, jungle, unreal places on the planet…

Costa Rica

God can I rant sometimes, you should try being in my head. Can you imagine borrowing someone else’s thought process? I bet that would be the most confusing but cool thing ever. Just as long as you could make it stop when you wanted. Some straight William Gibson stuff. I heard that Nicoli Tesla (one of my SUPERHEROES) was working on a medium for recording and playing back thought when he died. PS: almost all his discoveries were made classified and his citizenship renounced after his death. The government also took all his works in progress and notes, none of which have ever been published. We get the Tesla coil and the neon light…..meanwhile, it is rumored (yet highly corroborated) that he also invented means for group thought entrainment (see HAARP if your interested, but get ready to walk down a dark scary path) and wireless power. But I suppose it made better bombs than commercial technologies. Can a mofo at least get some wireless laptop power? Lol

Anyway, I am at a dusty sweaty corner in Montezuma, a cacophonous overture of languages and colors flurrying around me. The green is truly greener here and the sky in bluer than I’ve ever seen. This is a corner, throbbing with life and culture.

I am growing weary of growing weary of the way we live in Los Angeles.
I am tired of complaining.

It’s time to slowly act. Or more act cautiously with speed.

I love what America stands for and is founded on. What a beautiful document the deceleration of independence. Beautiful like religious texts and full of altruism and clear intention.

Now we are starbucks, and consumption, FOX news, persecution of peoples of other colors and religions, a country divided, segregated, separated and unconscious.

Not all, but most.

What did you do today? Go to work, slave for someone else, put yourself further in debt paying for food and goods on credit cards, had your buying preferences ranked and logged in a database that categorizes demographically buying habits and preference so you can be properly marketed too.

We are fucking sheep.

The undead, the Truman show, the half awake, the quickening is coming and it’s burning the beauty out of us all.

When it ends, I don’t want to regret a moment of how I’ve lived.

Do you?

Well it’s a new year, a new season, a new birth, beginning. They say new years resolutions never stick. Probably true. I sure never make them; but I’d love to share a way I reorganize in a new year in hopes that you can try it and it helps you too.

I make a list for the year.

Everything I will do and accomplish that takes effort and planning. It’s a lot easier that tying string around your fingers. If I did that, I’d have no hands by now. Every year I do this and I slowly check off things on the list and by years end it’s done. And it feels fantastic. Some things on my list this year; play in Nicaragua, Make a bell/shell instrument out off all the bells and shells, get a piece of wood and fishing wire for this and spread them out nice, drill it nice etc, Learn to wire a 555 circuit, Get new infinity working on this laptop, Take some more drum lessons and more counterpoint, maybe supercollider at Cal Arts.

Stuff like that; and ask me next year those above and everything else on the list will be done.

I think life is about follow through.


I’ve been back now since Wednesday. I am with Carlos, were flying back from Denver, we had an awesome show last night. Played a Beatport party.

It’s hard for me to talk about, but it’s hard for me to stay in the hotel Monaco. I love that place, I have some really wonderful memories there, just hard. It’s a beautiful grand, old place, dark colors, rich curtains and they love dogs there. There are always beautiful little dogs when you stay there.

The clouds over the Rockies are beautiful right now. It’s such a blessing to get to see the earth from this perspective…..100 years ago this was impossible. Now I am pissed I can’t get web access on planes. The clouds look like glaciers or frozen milk….there is so much beauty here.

Last night I met a friend of Carlos named Monique. She had some food with us after the gig, cool girl, pensive face, and tentative but pretty affect. She began to tell stories, and I listened while I sat on the floor munching on some bread, glass of wine and a soldering iron, wiring new potentiometers and capacitors into my latest creation. (ps if any of you feel like the step up in security is working, I flew with a power drill, exchangeable bit set, about 100 pots, 200 caps and a ton of resistors, cable, solder, wire cutters, needle nosed pliers etc………SCARY!!)

Anyway, Monique began to tell stories, they were insane. She was in a car with 3 friends, they were hit head on, 5 people in another car and 2 of her friends were killed instantly. She was almost abducted by a serial rapist/murderer last week, she’d been in 9 accidents, insanity…..it was unreal.

I don’t know if I am going to get into ghost stories right now, although I have some REALLY good ones, or the supernatural….but I was overcome with the feeling that something was attacking, praying, feeding, latching to this girl. I told her, to find someone, not a schmuck, or crystal toting tree-hugger, someone with a gift in the healing arts, and ask them to clean her off. There was something REALLY heavy going with this girl. I suspect she has something important to do. I have never met ANYONE, that had a purpose the involved or effected a large group of people, that there is not a energetic war fought over. Sounds a little nuts hunh? You’d not believe some of the things I have witnessed. In fact if I told you, you wouldn’t believe half of them. There is the world around us, that we like to call reality that is not even half the picture, it’s a head fake like they use in magic, a dangling toy on a string…”look at the bunny”. What is it? Kind of a control mechanism. A means for homogenized living, civil rest, a lack of seeking a questioning. But beneath the 9 to 5, and calling your mom, and high sugar, indigestible foods, behind the wool we live with over our eyes, is the real world, and it is a world where the unexplainable happens on a second to second basis, where a particle shot at a metal plate with 2 holes in it passes through BOTH when it is not observed, where twins know when the other is hurt, were instinct or even voices change our path to protect our livelihood, were animals wait at the door when their owner leaves the office, where creatures flock together in one direction with out a single sign communicated, where particles that are paired when split will change spin if one of the partners spin is changed, where ghosts, and angels and thoughts, our energies and entities both manifest and unseen move and act and create and destroy. Once you have an experience with any of this, it’s kind of like your first earthquake. You’ve stood on the ground your whole life and it’s never moved. You just take for granted that the earth under your feet, stays right where it is; until it does move. Then your perspective shifts, and you realize, take nothing for granted, and not to judge things by what they always have done, but to realize there is possibility and potential stored into every atom of everything, that at any moment may behave unpredictable, and that usually leaves you feeling a combination of awed and unstable, like scuba diving into “open blue” with no reference point where the top or bottom is. Just look at your bubbles. That’s which way is up.

That means something but I don’t know what J

I am going to post some great new pictures. I love Costa Rica. I am elated about the New Year, and I am thankful for all of you.

With love,

B

11:11 PM - 71 Comments - 95 Kudos - Add Comment

Sudafed, circuit breaking (umm I mean bending), and the super flu
Current mood: busy

There it is again. That blurry haze of glowing lights. Grids of life expanding to the horizon in every direction. Los Angeles. The temptress. All things it proclaims to be, its not. Not all of them at least....

But the lights. How beautiful. There is not much man has made in the last 300 years that impresses me. These blips, little beacons, courtesy of Thomas Alva Edison, say something powerful to me. They say there's life here. WE exist.

And what it makes me think is this.

For every one of those lights, there are vast polarities of human experiences and situations. Couples making love, friends arguing, someone at the end of a beautiful life, children taking their first steps, a kid with a gun trying to prove he's a man, someone with a drug habit that no one knows anything about praying its his last day, people night diving, kids making out in a car, gas station employees dying to get home to their kids, a father beating a mother that does not know to get free, flowers that only bloom at night like jasmine, kids studying, people crying because they are so alone, joy, sadness, beauty, hate, love, envy, humility....the human experience.....spread out like a tapestry made of light.


It's all there to be had.

You chose the good stuff, or the darkness. Every second your making a choice, even if your choice is inaction, that's the hugest choice ANY of us make!

On the other side of the wall that you may be sitting next too;
the exact experiences you want in your life may be unfolding this very moment.
Get off your ass and dare to live. Being alive and present and checked in are painful and hard but bear greater fruits than anything that comes from passivity.


So here's what I wrote before my nap and some Csound oppcodes.........


HOW THE HELL IS SUDAFED LEGAL?

Okay, Mr. My mom is a psychologist that deals primarily with addiction so have practically no drug experience, needs to know from those of you that do. Is this what it feels like to take something like Acid?

I cannot believe how, disassociated, out of my self, surreal, crazy, this crap makes me feel!! Nor, can I believe that this is legal. If the government is trying to control the country's ability to regulate brain states via chemicals, TAKE THIS SHIT OFF THE MARKET!!! There has got to be something better to clear your head. Funny choice of words; to help with your congestion and not POLUTE your head!

Did I mention I have the flu? I thought I was a total warrior. I fly so much every year, and get exposed to such nasty bugs; it's really built up my immune system. I mean the last bad thing I remember having was SARS. Did I mention ever that Carlos and I brought the SARS epidemic to California? That's a funny story for another time. We were patient zero in California and I've got the SARS protein antibody test to prove it, but I digress.

My immune system is strong.....buuuuutt and here is the big but; kissing on one's beautiful daughter all day long when she is super sick, well, not much can stop you from getting exposed. It's worth getting sick to kiss on Kaia when she feels so bad.

So here's my Friday; up super duper late on Thursday night finishing the record Tommy and I started last week. Didn't mean for that to happen! Were supposed to be scoring a film together and we sat down to write a song for it and ended up writing eleven! And they all sound like "I circuit bent Carlos' mom"....sike!". Their beautiful, Indy.....found sound ditties, that I found myself playing everything from bass, drums, glockenspiel, accordion, concertina, mandolin and melodica, right through to a pillow (for a kick with a tympani mallet) and a pan (for a snare) in the backyard. Thank the maker I have kind neighbors.

Anyway, Thursday was a late night and then I woke up Friday sick as a dog. All good, show must go on. Corissa and I pack up my stuff while Mike and Brian are time correcting their asses off, I destroy another one of Kaia's toys on the kitchen table with potentiometers and a soldering iron (actually this time I did it!!) I will post a picture and a sound clip. So then I kiss the girls and I am off.

Car to airport (long) check in (longer) security (now I am going to hurl) and wait at the gate. Thank god for Wi-fi or I would have been completely nuts. So I get on the flight to Phoenix, short nice flight even though my head feels like a balloon filled with jello and I am tripping balls on Sudafed.....I make it there with eardrums intact (great fear of mine, Jon Digweed burst an eardrum diving and Sasha did it flying with a head cold). SCARY!!!

So I get to Phoenix, find the strength to de-plane, walk to baggage claim, wait an inordinate amount of time, get my check in bags and go outside. Okay its 36 degrees FUCK ME!! Wait don't you guys live in the desert? I now it "cools off" at night but can anyone say Global Warming? Thanks for signing the Kyoto treaty Bush you douche bag! Sorry, it's the Sudafed talking. I swear I could, rob a bank on this stuff, or run through the airport with my underwear on my head screaming "the British are coming!!' hahahahahaa. See what I mean?

So anyway, phoenix is FREEZING. I find my ride, get the bags in the car, get to the hotel (which is super cool btw, the james I think it's called). Check in AND MY CREDIT CARD DOES not WORK!! Goes like this "Hi I am checking in my name is..."

"I know who you are, I am so stoked you're here were all coming to the show tonight!"

"Wow, killer, what's your name I'll put you on the guest list"

"Sweet, here's my name, can I get your credit card for incidentals?"

"Sure no problem, here you go."

"Sorry, I, uuummm, your card was declined"

"Can you try it again?"

"Sure, sure no problem......yeah, ummm, yeah still same thing"

"Okay cool, no problem"

(whips out blackberry and sends a fiery email to David-business manager, DUDE I AM IN ARIZONA WITH A 102 fever and CAN'T GET DINNER, DID YOU NOT PAY MY CREDIT CARD BILL!@..!@.."

Anyway, got to an ATM and got some food, read some Anti-theory guides to circuit bending and Csound tutorials and went to the club.

Okay, here's my question, I love Arizona. Love it. Had many a great show there. What to do you people like to dance too?? Not to mention that by this time I am having a shamanic peyote experience on Sudafed and a 104 fever!!! Yeah 104!! I swear to god, it's a miracle I did not lay down on the floor in the DJ booth, put on Rhapsody on a theme from Paginini by Rachmoniv and G-Unit over top of it and go fast to sleep.

OMG, ps, I did what I think is the funniest mash up I've ever heard (but it's too slow to play out) my friends and I CRYED laughing while I was doing it. It's a DMX vocal over top of "Let it Be" by the Beatles. DMX is like "Fuck a bitch you ho" and Lennon is all "....mother mary come to me, there will be an answer". My how times have changed. Makes me feel like crying right now instead of laughing until I cry but that again is probably the Sudafed talking. If I have to take this shit one more day, I am going to start wearing tie-dye shirts and listening to Phish while playing hacky sack. Lol

Anyway, after the gig, I got literally MAULED buy a bunch of people sweating profusely with dilated pupils...it sucks cause out of 100 people that are like, "Dude I've never heard of you but you fucking RIIIIIPPP bra!!! Fuckin sweet, I can't get my camera phone to work can you make out with my girlfriend she thinks your fucking hot dude!!!" (this for real, has happened and more than once). So for every 50 of those guys, you've got 2 humble guys and a girl that want to tell you a wonderful story, or want to say thanks, or whatever, and it makes all the other insanity worth it (kind of).

So, I got out of there, went to the hotel, collapsed, took more medicine, and my temperature (104.3).....this is getting scary. Into bed, wake up in a puddle of sweat. Aren't you glad I shared that?! Lol

Pack my things (a huge project always)....get my bags downstairs, check some email on the blackberry, get some food and then call Alex.

Alex, Alex Alex. What a rad guy. I saw a post from him on the Norg that said, "Dude I bought tickets to the BT show and I just found out I can't go cause I am underage and it's on my 19th birthday". Screw that!!!! I looked everywhere for him, found him, and cut to us having dinner in my hotel in Chicago and circuit bending a Wal-Mart keyboard. (after, car, plane, check in, security, starbucks, pre-boarding, loading bags in to overhead bins, de-plane, reclaiming said baggage, call car, find car, pack car, get to hotel, check in, get bags to room, collapse, lol)

What a blast to hang with you Alex you're a really nice guy, good luck to you in school next year and with your girl and looking forward to checking out your IT work. I snuck him into the club with me, he hung out for the whole set and then we said goodbye. Felt good to be able to do that, it's the kind of thing I wished so many times someone had done for me :)

So here I am writing to you from a flight on the way back to LA. I missed trimming the tree tonight, I hope you guys waited for me!

Such is the life of a traveling musician. You win some you loose some. I'll be recovering for days but seeing Alex in Chicago light up like he did this Saturday, made it all worth while. This weekend was hard, but meaningful. And isn't everything of value in life,
just like that :)

Love to you all >

B

11:11 AM - 48 Comments - 61 Kudos - Add Comment

Color Alphabetize :)
Current mood: artistic

Okay note to selves, Buenos Aires is far. Like really really far. Imagine when walking and sailing were the primary means of transportation. Not to mention if you got hurt or bitten by some strange creature in the hills of Ecuador or something you were shit out of luck.

Pretty incredible what a bad ass someone like Darwin was. Sailing the world and walking the land discovering. Amazing.

I wont get into creationism versus evolution, but let’s just say I believe the two ideas can peacefully exits quite nicely. Of course God made everything, and of course it evolved. Welcome to the petery dish we call earth.

I also believe that manifest destiny and free will co-exist quite nicely as well. Kind of like every life has a “choose your own adventure” type book written for it before birth and we choose which pages to read and which story to follow. All possible permutations are already written for each of us, and we choose which one we actualize on this timeline.

God I have to shut up or this is going to go all wormholes and multi-verses, damn sleep depravation.

Argentina = Amazing

What a beautiful country and what beautiful culture, people, foods, customs and cities and towns. So much in this world to see. It’s funny the more I travel, the more I see similarities in cultures and scenery, people and customs; yet the more amazing diversity I see in the subtitles. I think that everything in this life that is truly beautiful has such powerful subtle complexities to it. I am almost never attracted to overt beauty. It bores me honestly. Things that I like on first listen or taste I usually can’t stand but a couple times. Things that confuse me or prod me, confront me with their profound elusive sense of uniqueness are always my great loves.

Walking through customs, someone walked up to me, crew cut, dark hair, put out his hand and said “BT?”

Half awake (after 11 hours of flying all night making beats and watching south park) I answered “Yeah”

He says “I am Trent Reznor, I really dig your shit”

That was a weird one! I dig your shit too dude > We made pleasantries and I ran off to catch my next flight Delta 110 from Atlanta to LA at 8:30 am. How strange.

I haven’t written a word yet about what I wanted to write about in this blog.

I am superstitious. Not it the normal, black cats and ladders kind of way. In a more, well I don’t know I just have to give examples.
If I see a car seat left forward in a parked car, I feel like I am going to a. puke b. die on the spot or c. a combination of the two.

I prefer (a nice way of putting it) things on right angles. Especially in my work area.
I can’t work unless it is neat and quiet, although paradoxically I love making messes, and being in the moment in a pile of patch cables and modular synths, just when I am done, every cable will get re-wrapped a certain way, and put back in labeled boxes and put away.

Okay, interesting the turn my mind has taken here, I was going to talk about superstition and I have ended with OCD sounding behaviors. Mind you not to worry I don’t wash my hands a million times a day, but God if I don’t have to step on a crack in the sidewalk, you can bet your ASS I wont, lol.

See to me these two things are highly interrelated. I think everyone does things like this. Some more than others. I like to color alphabetize my clothes. I count how many times I brush my teeth. Why?

Simple, the same reason anyone does anything that follows a pattern or irrational or non-traditional organizing system. To control the uncontrollable. Life is chaos. Having my clothes go from black to white from left to right in my closet makes me feel a little more in control of my little universe, and that makes me feel more productive and somehow more safe.

I started an email account before Kaia was born and I have been sending her email for almost 2 1/2 years now. Telling her what we did today, where I am, how much I love her…..my beliefs and hopes for her. I am so excited to give them to her someday. What a blessing she is.

Okay I am gonna hop back on south park and some fucking mental sound designing. Did I mention I just recorded a concerto for atm machine, a dot matrix printer and my voice?

That weirded out some Argentineans for sure.

God bless that new m-audio 24 bit handheld recorder that thing is fucking sick.
Time to go fold my napkin symmetrically and wrap my cables, lol.

Love to you all >

B

p:s: since this blog I have so many stories my head is going to explode.....more in a couple days > recording like a madman :)

4:11 AM - 37 Comments - 50 Kudos - Add Comment

I am thankful :)
Current mood: thankful

I am on a plane to Chile.

Boredom could not even begin to describe where my head is at.
I just made a bunch of patches for my plug-in. They sound fucking sick, it’s just hard to program, because it’s not optimized yet so I can only make one or two sounds at a time. Buckle up when this thing comes out, no one has ever seen the likes of it. Getting exponential on your ass.

But GOD, I am the only one awake on this plane except the flight staff, and they are nice, but cracked out on cheap coffee, and chatty and want to talk about my haircut. I am going to puke if I have another superficial conversation.

I am starting to measure good in moments, in events, in thoughts.
Not micro - quantifying, just appreciating.

Dude if this guy does not stop snoring I am going to kick him in the nuts.

Can you imagine if it was socially appropriate to just kick someone in the nuts?

I am retarded right now.

Anyway, yesterday was beautiful. We had an amazing dinner at Richard my managers, house. His home (and I choose this word over house after thinking about it) is amazing. I love seeing a place that has love put into it.

It’s hard to be around that after the last 3 years of my life. Creatively I am a success, but in the way the world judge’s success, it’s a bit of a different story, in most areas of my life. Such a shit thing judgment. Especially of ones self. After tax bills, lawsuits and personal and public legal battles I sit here wondering how I am going to pay the light bill this month, and my employees.

I remember learning about accepting responsibility when I was about 22. It was when I was living in Maryland, in therapy with a woman named Karen. She was wonderful at helping me come to terms with the abuse I grew up with and helped me to sever the toxic (and at the time ongoing) relationship with my father. She taught me that if something outside you is “acting on you” you have no control. Often though when we feel like there are forces outside ourselves conspiring against us, it is our shadow that is conspiring to keep us stuck, and ourselves that we have to battle with.

So much harder to look at your life, the things you are not happy with, and accept how many of the situations you directly created…..but when you do, when you see yourself and your behaviors clearly, then you can choose different. Accepting responsibility gives you the power to change things that often feel unchangeable.

We make choices based on our interaction with the world and our families at a young age, so much of the time; it’s hard to separate almost autonomic responses to situations, with outside forces acting on us.

So I have created the me that I am now.

I like some of me, and I don’t like some of me.
The part I like I am trying to grow and the rest I am trying to identify so I can be kind to him too and make him some hot tea, give him a blanket and then put him to bed J

I keep sampling the room tone on the plane through reactor patches out of sheer boredom.

Tomorrow I have a gig and then straight back. I hate being away for too long now.
Kaia was going nuts this morning, she can sense when I am leaving I think. Leaving her is terrible.

We had such a wonderful time as a family yesterday. Richards was nice, but a little hard for me, because like I was saying above. Patty came to Carlos’s and Ashley and I put Kaia to sleep and we all hung out and laughed and had drinks. Nothing you would call spectacular, but just beautiful. It was really really good.

Ashley looked beautiful, Kaia was happy, Patty and I were ranting like creative lunatics and Carlos cooked his famous Kaluah and apricot preserve turkey. In short it was perfect.

So it was a good thanksgiving.

I am thankful for so much in my life. I have so much beauty and love around me, creativity, support, what am I bitching about. I do have things to show for my work. And I am starting to have things to show for my emotional progress too. Today I am thankful.

I heard they have a hot sauce in Chile made out of fire ants. If that is true I am sooo trying that shit it is not even funny.

I am going to do some coding, a little Csound, maybe watch some South Park and read some more of blink.

When the hell are they going to have wi-fi on planes????
Okay, more bitching at least I have laptop power.

Thankful, Brian Thankful.

I am thankful for my friends, for Ashley, for Kaia, for music, for laptop power, my ideas, my emotional growth, my Mom and Sarah, Samui, for the lessons I practice daily that Tootsie taught me, for diving, puppy breath, analog synths, exponential triplets, thrashers French fries, breasts, Belize, breakbeats, rain, God, love, Thailand, Maryland, crickets, this beautiful laptop I am typing on, Dr B and his lessons, Tony Paul and the beautiful things he’s taught me, my intuition, drum machines, IM, OS9, metasynth, blackberries, my health, my healing arm, Dr Mike and Emma, my home, therapy, Scappa, fall in Boyds, horses (especially Elmo the wonder horse) The ability to hear, to see, touch, feel, and too understand, math, physics, and of course music

Thank you God for giving me the chance to experience this beautiful crazy place.
Today I am thankful.


B

11:11 PM - 36 Comments - 52 Kudos - Add Comment

lefty
Current mood: lonely

I am sitting in a ditch
A rain gutter actually……

Hard to write on my laptop in here.
Organizing I go to the first thing in my mind, I was born left handed

(sips metRX)

For real I was born left handed, and at private school (landon School for Boys, Bethesda Maryland) they made me write with my right hand. Curiously after the injury in my right arm I have been recovering from over the last 3 years, I began working with my left hand again…and my left hand only. I still paint and write right handed, but now at the computer I use a mouse and other peripherals lefty.

There’s a metaphor in there, but I am too lazy to find out what it is right now. You decide. So Thursday night I flew to Puerto Rico. Well, through DC to Puerto Rico, I stayed the day in LA (Ashley and Kaia were still in Atlanta) to finish mixing some more guitars, synths and stewarts drums. Sounds AWESOME. I have no idea what kind of music this record is, never heard it before, but I fucking love it. It sounds like Death Cab for Cutie trying to play a Sasha remix. Makes no sense at all. But do I ever? That’s the fun of it, stumbling into a room you never knew was in your house.

At any rate, I think frequently about all the distortions and half-truths I was exposed to by my father. I think about them a lot, especially because now I am a parent.

“you kids have destroyed me”
“I have holes in my pants and my teeth hurt so bad I want to kill myself but I am paying for your school”
“it would be better if I did kill you”
“you’ll never amount to shit, your guttersnipe (I still don’t even know what this is but it sounds pretty bad”
“everything I had you kids took from me”
“I have nothings for myself”

the list could take 2000 years to write, it’s endless. Another thing pops into my head a couple times a day. It’s a wonder I feel safe leaving my house, much less trying to commit to deep personal friendships and high functioning intimate relationships.

One or two that always come back to me are, “everything I had you kids took from me” and “I have nothing for myself”. These are obviously severe distortions, riddled with faultfinding, a lack of personal responsibility and a shitload more, YET. These two statements I can understand the underlying FEELING. I will never be able to empathize with him even sharing what should have been talked about in his own therapy (that he’s never had) but I can understand how he must of felt.

Being a parent means being selfless. Your child’s needs come before yours. You can say this, and then to live it is 2 different things. Kaia, is rounding the corner into the terrible two’s as their called, and she’s transitioning amazingly. Especially the sign language is helping her communicate her needs, be it safety, help, scared, love, hunger, she is able to c communicate so much more than most children. These needs are the ones that are addressed first. Always.

Many of you know that Ashley and I have had a rollercoaster of a relationship that began with me being very publicly humiliated and has been up and down and on and off for years. I got so hurt in the beginning of our relationship that I was really cruel to Ashley about her past mistakes, and life, and never let her of the hook for her acts and behaviors and never saw the person she was and is growing in too. This dynamic has hurt us so much as a couple and created so much mistrust and baggage, I sometimes wonder how I can possibly find a way to the other side of it. Ashley and I both come from severely abusive homes, her house unfortunately included drugs and promiscuity; mine just repeated physical and emotional abuse.

The saddest thing is there is more love between us that I have ever felt on the earth. How could there not be look at our beautiful little girl.....

I guess finding music was my one saving grace. We’ll kind of saved me. I did not exit my youth unscathed. It left me begging to be loved and understood, and a bottomless feeling of emptiness in me that at best I am able to roll a rug over in my psyche, just please don’t step there. In coming to terms with myself, and who I am, the choices I’ve made, and the things I allow, contribute to and condone, I’ve realized, there is no way to parent properly unless your :

1. dealing with your shit and
2. have people supporting you in the process and thinking about and fulfilling YOUR needs.

Filling you back up with the love you are giving to your child. I am not saying my mom could have fixed my dad, because he could have only (and probably only partially) done it for him self. But if they had worked together, he may have felt loved and more understood, and maybe he wouldn’t have had that feeling he said to me almost every day for 20 years. All just a big maybe, and in the now, it does not matter anyway. What’s done is done. I just look back so I can choose differently.

You can’t give it all away.

Ever hear the Indian expression first you keep enough grain for yourself, then your partner, children, friends and family, then the community, then everyone else

I spend most of my time giving my grain to “everyone else” and now I am learning to save some first for myself, my partner, my daughter, my family and my friends

I just need to be held sometimes. To feel attractive, and intimate, powerful, sensitive, sexual, loved, adored, understood, and simpatico….

Having a lonely Sunday…guess I should go put this in music, that’s what I am good at :)
With love >

B

11:11 AM - 27 Comments - 30 Kudos - Add Comment

bbv-hhhhhhhhhhfhj (kaia just named this blog, lol)
Current mood: artistic

I am sitting on the floor in the bathroom, in a hotel in Atlanta.
I have such a strong love hate relationship with this place, ahh the metaphors…..

I am tired and weary of concrete and headshots, Avids and psychopharmacologists, the LA skylie (wow and I typed that by accident) the lights that burnt themselves into my 15 year old psyche like diamonds that are nothing more than 7-11’s sparkling in the smog. Lost Angels…

I can’t believe there were ever angels there.

But this place, it keeps secrets, hushed secrets of the south. Words spoken from tree to tree in hushed tones, sounds uttered over hundreds of years with patience. That soul warming accent, kind eyes, rolling green, and sweaty nights that is Georgia.

10 kind experiences to every 1 negative one.

How

….Kaia and I have colds. No big deal, were just the sick ones of the bunch. Ashley and Kaia and I went to a wedding last night. A formal nighttime southern affair. Black tie and a huge church, a string quintet, huge pipe organ. All in their Sunday best. What a beautiful spectacle and sacrosanct pact marriage is. The words that are exchanged in tradition and have been for thousands of years are so weighted, so powerful and clear. The biggest promise a human can make to another. I thought about the way the world goes, and what we prioritize while I watched these two beautiful, smart, kind, young, friends exchange these promises. The world is rife with dishonesty, selfishness, abandoned loyalties. We are taught, that faster is better, more beautiful is better, sexier is better, more accoutrements and accolades are better, more, more more. More shit.

Those kind, humble, honest, pure, timeless, authentic words I witnessed exchanged by Lauren and Don are all there is. They are they anti-entropic force in the universe, the ability to create, to love, to actualize, to nurture, in a universe that has been in decay since it sprang forth in the silence.

My therapist says there are only two actions in the universe. An act of love, and a call for love. I have spent so much of my life calling for kindness and compassion, empathy and understanding…and in so many of the wrong ways. Even by hurting people I love, all in the hopes that they will demonstrate to me, in spite of me I am worthy of love. Scappa said to me even the darkest, most heinous things that humans are capable of perpetrating on one another are a call for love. I have though about this long and hard and I completely agree with his words.

Watching last night, such a beautiful act of love….by two people, in authenticity, with families who love them, friends who love them, reminded me that the 80-20 thing is real and pervasive everywhere in everything. It’s 80 percent bullshit and the 20 percent like last night is what you remember in your last breath.

Things are good with the music. My secret little project has shaped up to be something magical. Something I listen to and don’t even understand. That’s when it’s real….for me at least.

Over the last couple weeks I have been moving leaps and bounds with number 6. I recorded Stewart Copeland playing drums for the whole album. Insane, I would mute the tracks as we were recording and be teleported back to riding my GT bmx bike to congressional plaza, eating hot tamales on a thick Maryland summer day, bumping Ghost in the Machine on my walkman. What an honor. One of my heroes playing on my music. God thanks for this. Awesome. And ps, he was not just playing, he was tearing shit up. Wait until you hear electronic music with Stewart Copeland rocking the live beats. Insane shit J

I have been renting and pulling out PILES of analog synths for this album. I had COMPLETELY forgotten how unreal they sound. They are like little characters, each with such distinct personalities. The oberhiem SEM is fucking retarded, I got some duran duran arps and cars(ish) leads out of that thing that could NEVER be had on a soft synth. The pro-1 the Jupiter 8…..un fucking real. ..6 will have nothing but analog synths on it unless it’s Kyma or Reaktor.

I am going to get Kaia and take a bath…let Ash sleep…yesterday was beautiful but tiring.

Love to you all >

B

11:11 PM - 26 Comments - 30 Kudos - Add Comment

statistics, AC-30's, God and math
Current mood: artistic

“the purpose of art is to encourage people to make the right choice, by choice”
-Marcel Duchamp

Well, this is a good place to start.

Sitting at my kitchen table with the guys comping guitars for ..6. Man is re-micing fun. All the guitars we recorded in Australia we took the dry, non-plug-in effected versions and rented a shitload of vintage amps from the 60’s and ran the dry signal into them and “mic-ed” them “again” (hence the name re-micing) and treated all the guitars and bass through all these classic amps. I am freaking the fuck out how dope they sound. Note to self a fender 67 silver faced super reverb and a killer AC-30 are an untouchable combination.

Insanity.

Not that my neighbors liked that much though. We recorded them day one in my garage and we made for like 4 hours before they called the cops, lol. It was a little loud……

Okay it was metalica loud. But anyway. Day two we recorded at a rehearsal space. Kaia in earplugs screaming “guitar!!” and “beats!!!” priceless :)

So back to Marcel.

Who says something like that? What a big statement. Is that the purpose of art, and or the creative spirit? Conveying emotion, empathy, an unspoken language, yes….and to influence choice? Big words but I think yes. I am sure yes. And not just for the listener, for the person that creates anything. THAT MEANS YOU. In my humble opinion, a grilled cheese sandwich can be an artistic experience, rife with purpose and integrity. Can I live that everyday? NO! Do I get pissed off in LA traffic? YES! Do I strive to create, and not just in music but in living with integrity? YES, ALWAYS.

But can our creations influence other peoples actions and choices?

This is big. I think yes, I am sure yes.

I am sure because my heroes in music and art, quantum mechanics, Christianity, Buddhism, philosophy, you name it, their creations have influenced my choices. And how? I’d like to think because they have had profound and lasting impact on my internal locus. The me I am without the construct. And that influence has fundamentally changed in beautiful and meaningful ways how I act, re-act and interact with the world.

This could go in to a HUGE long tirade about statistics and quantum theory, and I will try to keep it in a manageable place but here goes….

The other day, Mike and Brian my intern were arguing about statistics, roulette, craps, coin tosses, probability and the like. It was dragging on for hours. In fact they are still going, lol but hearing them made me think about something that moves me physically. Drives me to explore and experiment and create and live and experience. I will call it simply the anomaly.

Okay, Mike and Brian both had compelling arguments about probability and that basically even though every event has a 50/50 chance, that by picking a side, because of the law of averaging that a weighting over time occurs. This is called binomial distribution or the central limit theorem. I will not elaborate on these here, look them up if your interested. Brian keeps caning traditional statistics theorems over and over. Mike the more esoteric stuff.

They’re both right, and or wrong.

I mean, if we are in fact living in a multi-verse as many quantum theorists believe, who cares, time is irrelevant and every possible permutation of everything is playing itself out at the same time anyway. It’s all-good either way. Both have compelling arguments, and they are both very bright so it was a very engaging conversation to say the least.

What it brought up for me was what is beauty, aesthetics, why do certain things resonate with our very souls, and how did those things get here?

The anomaly.

It’s like the “God” in math. I wont elaborate on this thought, just anyone who does not believe in an organizing intelligence in the universe, I’d point you straight to math for evidence. In fact, just read about the Fibonacci sequence and all of its permutations in nature from a conch shell to a fifth. God’s fingerprints are everywhere. ESPECIALLY in music, and math. And all music is, is expressed mathematics. But I digress.

The anomaly.

Why do we have flowers? Or music or anything beautiful? How did these things come into being and what purpose do they serve?

Okay so some would argue flowers exist because, it’s natures system for re-propagation, bees, the stamen, fertilizing other flowers and the eco-collaborative that ensues effects everything. Okay great that’s why, we think, and certainly some truth there. But why are they so beautiful, and how did they come into being. Okay insert God and Darwin in any permutation and we’ll get close to the truth.

I keep raising questions, but here’s one thing I believe to be an answer or better yet a truth.

Beauty, and creation are all a byproduct of the statistical “anomalies” that occur. Everything meaningful, I would argue is the 100 heads out of 100 tosses. The occurrence of something impossible.

And from that springs something so useful
so beautiful that it survives flourishes, reproduces
and quickly assimilates into this big beautiful mass of everything we swim in.

Accidents, anomalies, there he is….

It’s such a beautiful design
Today, I am overwhelmed with joy to be alive….
And just because J

Until next time >

B

11:11 PM - 26 Comments - 36 Kudos - Add Comment

rain
Current mood: calm

It’s pouring down rain outside…..
You know what I love about the rain? There are so many things to love about rain.

I love the sound. It’s the sound of everything being okay. It’s the sound of a clean start. It’s powerful and peaceful all at once, in short it is what I hope sounds to be, like rain.<