Kevin Smith (Silent Bob) Q&A in London last night
Current mood: content
Category: Blogging

• Anal sex is like pancakes it sounds like a great idea at the time. You love the idea of pancakes but then end up feeling stuffed and shitty, you love the idea of anal sex but then you just end up with your dick smelling nasty
• After going to a strip club he went with a friend to an ATM machine, opened his friend's condom, spat in it and left it on top of the machine obviously making it look like it had been used. They stood there for about half an hour waiting for someone to show up and look horrified but nobody came. He completley forgot about it til he got a call from the police asking for him to go to the station about a 'banking issue'. He completely denied the charge even when they showed him photographic evidence of him doing it
• He used to suck his own cock and compared himself to the contortionists in Cirque de Soleil, worst blow job ever - and his Mum walked in during the act
• He's nearly finished writing his next comedy, wouldn't say anything else except that it has a really obvious title, but he'll bring out a horror film before it
• Jersey Girl never really stood a chance because Gigli was so bad - it had the Bennifer efffect
• He wishes he'd never cast Jeremy London in Mallrats becuase he was such a terrible actor. He used to give Jason Lee acting notes which should've been acting notes on how much better Jason Lee was than him
• Linda Fiorentino was far too anal on set, if actors had a few days off because they weren't shooting their particular scenes she really resented them leaving the set. He compared their relationship to childhood sweethearts because she wouldn't speak to him for literally whole days which he found really hard to direct - basically a right stroppy cow
• He was asked to do Die Hard but still had to audition, I forget who but there was a guy there who had a lot to do with Underworld 2. Kevin feels like they got on because he got slated so much for Underworld 2 and actually got cast in the role because they got on so well rather than his actual audition. He also rewrote a lot of his lines and they took them on board.
• The first time he ever met Bruce Willis on a boat in Cannes a few years back, Bruce walked past him and was all like ''Sup homes, smokin' weed? Not done that shit in years man" Kevin thought he was speaking to him when he said "So why do they call Lindsey Lohan firebush" so Kevin responded with "Cos she's ginger" but he was actually talking to Justin (Long??) who was in Herbie with her.
• Kevin's character in Die Hard lives in his Mum's basement with a fuckload of IT equipment, he's a web nerd and conspiracy theorist. His nickname is Warlock.
• Before they start shooting Willis comes to the basement set and is all like 'Shouldn't I be smoking this criminal's place for weed?" (Boat reference)
• Bruce obviously knowing nothing about Kevin, after taking on board some of Kevin's scene rewrites suggests he should actually try writing movies for a living !
• Willis is on the phone to producer or director suggesting these scene rewrites and actually says along the lines of "How many Mcleans have you got to do this movie?" The sarcasm on his face suggests he doesn't mean it, but he has so much clout it gets done anyway !
• Kevin nearly came in his pants when McLean goes to hit him
• Bruce wasn't actually there for his scene with Kevin, they put a stand in just so Kevin had someone to look at to deliver his lines. Kevin wrapped it on the second take. Bruce got there and was like "I was watching King Kong, have you seen that movie? Big fuckin' monkey, man"
• He was asked to do Daredevil 2 but declined
• They should have stuck with the idea of the giant spider in Superman Returns because the film sucked so bad, and was as boring as church, but at least you get wine in church. Superman's emo in the hospital. In Superman 2 he shagged Lois Lane but then her memory's wiped. So therefore why's it not such a shock when in Superman Returns she learns that her son is Superman's? She should be crying rape !
• Hates the militancy of flying, the whole turning your IPOD off when you're landing. He reckons as the plane was flying into the World Trade Center they were running up and down the isle asking the passengers to put their seat upright and their tables up
• He has 3 lines in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles which Mewes was really pissed about.
• He'd like to call a son Batman to ensure he gets laid a lot
• Talking of Chasing Amy he thought the art of fisting must be quite sexy til he actually saw it on video. He goes on to talk about a website called sexylabia.com for women with incredible oversized labias. Lovely flappy meat curtains, giant flappy pussy. Dick like lips. Engorged. They actually have exercises to make them bigger.
• He bought his first labrador Scully, she cost $600 and is a right dullard - she'll eat poo out of the toilet if you don't flush. He bought another labrador for $6000 and he's a genius - he called him Mulder. Scully literally puts her pussy on his entire face and he just takes it, not even remotely interested.
• He then bought a tiny Weiner which was never ever going to get any bigger. He dresses her up in Geisher outfits and cute hats. All was well until she came onto heat and big old Mulder decided to shag her. He said the poor little dog was dragging lips around like something from sexylabia.com. You could trip over them. IT must have been like Mulder strapping her on like a condom she's so small in comparison. He'd even go and hump her cage with dog semen flying everywhere.
• Because we eat blood pudding (black pudding) we're a nation of vampires !
• In Clerks 2 Weinstein wanted him to show Pillowpants because the "Europeans want to see the pussy troll" He considered doing one like something out of Ren & Stimpy, then the Weiner's enlarged pussy, then Mewes surrounded by a gigantic wooden pussy with the brightly coloured standy up hair. Mewes said he'd do it if he got to keep the wooden pussy. It wasn't until right before the premiere that Mewes asked if they were going to still do it or not.
• Spielberg and George Lucas apparently at Thanksgiving compare each other's websites and then look at lingerie porn

1:36 AM - 16 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Wendigoo Taggage
Current mood: giddy
Category: Blogging

I got done by Wendiblow

Rules are as follows: if you get tagged you have to make a list of  "six wierd things about you" on your blog. Then you have to tag 6 other people, stating the rules clearly and making a list of their names. Don't forget to let them know that they have been tagged either by leaving a comment or email.

I have chosen to tag:

Ally

Brad

Rob

Miller

Ames

Jimbob

Alrighty, here's mine:

1) I have a 4th hole. It doesn't go anywhere but I actually do have one. From birth a lickle hair grew inwards. Really rare apparently

2) I don't have the ability to burp. Every few months or so I'll let out something relating to a burp and I get a letter from The Queen and everything. So all you burpy bastards need to quit showing off !

3) I once washed Phil Collins' hair

4) I'm actually Tom. I will not answer questions about this, just take it that I am. Or else.

5) I fell off a stage type area in a nightclub one night and knocked myself clean out.

6) I once played tenis for Hampshire

I really struggled with those, if the rest of you remember anything let me know !

Edit: I've remembered another one. I'm actually a Lady. Seriously, I'm Lady Louise Golder - hah !

7:35 AM - 5 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Fucking thing
Current mood: sick
Category: Life

Heard this really loud buzzing and was trying to work out forever where it was coming from, finally look behind me as the buzzing gets louder and see the mother of all huge wasps.
As I'm legging it out of the room I turn round for one last glance as it jumps head first into the uplighter. There's a frazzling sort of sound followed by smoke and now it stinks in here, but at least it's gone....even though I am inhaling toasted wasp !!

11:05 AM - 2 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment

Disturbed last night
Current mood: drained

I went to see them again last night, and it has to be said I think they just get better and better. I'm sure some people would think David Draiman's 'my brothers and sisters in arms' comments which he tends to say @ every show would get old but he draws you in so much ! Phenomenal front man if you ask me.

Anyhoo, can't wait to see them again, they really are one of the best live bands out of my time.

4:05 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Is it possible for me to ban people from life?
Current mood: drained

Since joining this magical merry-go-round we call myspace, I've encountered a few loons to say the least, but to be honest it makes the day go quicker and some of them have ended up as people I can actually call friends, so what's with the 'hey sexy here's my webcam address' and 'hey Louise, wanna chat?' sometimes from the same people over and over again? Maybe I could abide it a bit more if we had an ounce of common ground to mull over, but isn't it quite obvious from my profile what I'm into?

(ooo, cheers Scuzz, I've just discovered I quite like Eighteen Visions...and that was a touch hard to type because when I threw my drink all over my laptop, in panic to dry it off quick the 'z' key came off, how ironic that it was the least used letter though)

Anyhoo, here are some of the more 'WTFies???' PMs I've received lately, should I be worried?!!!

How are u doing today,hope all is well with you ,I am Johnson Jerry By Name,i was born in Texas where i attend (JUDSON COLLEGE) and i grew up in Houston Ky where i finally get married and have a daughter of 10 years old called Smith,i lost my wife last 2 years and am a widower now for 2 years that makes me so lonely ,and looking forward to meet a lovely and caring woman that i will give all my heart to ,that can take care of me and my daughter and i will do all as well for her ,I am 49 year old ,Love to listening to Music ,Play games, Movies and go fishing sometimes , i will be coming back from Spain. where i worked to come and settle down back in the state and spent the rest of my life with a caring woman and i can see u have a nice profile also, Thanks hope to hear from you soon,and waitin
.....Johnson

Hi Dear,
It is a gvreat pleasures to have seeing you on the net with your porfile that impressed me a whole lot.Well,I I am so much interesting in you in making a serious relationship with you leading to everlasting Marriage forever.Well,as time goes by we will get to know each nother very well,and I will tell you more about myself nextime in your reply.This is my email address:talk2rufus2000@yahoo.com or 0060172841664
I will also sent you my photos next time when you sent me your regular email address ok?I hope to hear from you soon next time Dear.I really Love people from your country,and I am so glad to meet you on this Matchdoctor my Dear.

HELLO MY DEAR HOW ARE U TODAY? MY NAME IS FRACIS FROM NIGERIA OK AND I LOVE TO BE YOUR GOOD FRIEND SO PLEASE U CAN'T CALL ME ON MY TELEPHONE NUMBER +234-8028-371037 OR U E-MAIL ME (francis28111974@yahoo.fr)SO THAT I WILL SEND U MY PICS OK OR U SEND ME YOUR E-MAIL AND TELEPHONE NUMBER FOR ME TO CALL U, I LOVE U AND I NEED U OK .

GOD BLESS U.

FRANCIS

PLEASE MY DEAR CALL ME OK..........

I mean really? What are these fucktards thinking? I'll happily chat to anyone really if we have something in common, but a 49 year old  widower who's after a mother for his kid? Are they just spamming? Sadly I might feel slightly sad if that is the case, I should probably look into that, and get some socks for my cold feet while I'm at it 

11:53 AM - 8 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment