conduct
Current mood: frustrated
Category: Life

i puzzle at certain things and wonder if my inability to see them as wrong shows some deficiency on my part. my son got written up for swearing on the bus -- ok, i understand that there are certain places where certain language is appropriate and it's something i am conscious of myself, so hey, that might be an important lesson to learn. now the second thing, getting written up for chewing gum -- that to me doesn't seem like such a big deal. if he were putting the gum in someone's hair or spitting it out somewhere where it might cause damage then that might be problematical.

looking at the forms they send home the offenses range from the petty to the serious and i acknowledge that the serious offenses must be tackled. what i am wondering is -- do you have to start at such a small level and clamp down on every little thing to be able to keep them in check so the big things don't arise? or does focusing on the nitpicky insignificant things cause the kids to become worn down and cynical about authority to the degree that the big things suddenly flare up?

if these small things that the kids are doing are causing no harm to anyone then does attention need to be drawn to them? does something that is perhaps a natural thing that people are inclined to do become a bad habit because we frame it in such authoritarian terms? because we make it seem rebellious? do we amplify the significance of events to a degree where instead of stopping bad behaviour we push people towards it?

did the foundation which i rely on to decide whether something is right or wrong come from the constant nagging and badgering or was it something that would have inevitably arrived anyway? nature or nurture are too far apart as poles, too black and white.

i suppose the point i want to make, which i should have just come out and said, is that punishment needs to be appropriate -- and making it hard for someone to get to school who needs to be in school learning seems a stupid idea. how many kids actually want to be in school? how many do all their homework? and they stop that kid from getting in by bus? gah.

Currently listening : No Wow By The Kills Release date: 2005-03-08

7:49 PM - 2 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment

bugged
Current mood: bitchy
Category: Life

so, today i got doorstepped by this christian guy -- i think one of the boys went to his church or something. i thought we would just have a quick conversation -- i thought that was what i was walking into when i went to see who wendy was talking to, but no, i couldn't have been more wrong.

we had just dropped the boys of at church. now if that seems a contradiction bearing in mind what follows think of it like this -- me and wendy do not wish to go to church because we do not hold their beliefs and we wish to explore our ideas and live our lives in a different way, but we see no reason why our children should not be able to choose their own path: hence their being at the church of their choice.

i talked earlier on this week about a conversation that i had with someone about the tenets of their faith amongst many other things and i respected the fact that despite having strongly held beliefs he was ok with the idea that other people did not believe the same thing. why should someone else's lack of faith affect his own? he had strong convictions.

i expressed my own position as being open to a lot of different ideas, as wanting to explore as many different philosophies as possible. i said that i hadn't found jesus but i didn't rule that out as a possibility in the future -- you know, all in line with my openness to any experience; which i don't think is a bad thing. held up against my willingness to say that anyone might be right -- that i hadn't decided yet, might never decide, who i agreed with -- he held up this idea that there is only one way and that jesus was it and that if i didn't find the lord and the truth in his teachings then i was pretty much headed for hell.

he talked about a guy, a reporter, who had gone looking for evidence in support of god and had been converted and said he would drop the book off to me. i said i'd read it because i thought it might be interested and i didn't want to be rude.

i am beginning to think that being rude might have been better. as i have stated i want to live in tolerance and acceptance of other people's lifestyles and i expect the same courtesy to be extended to me. i don't need to be told that no matter how good i live my life if i don't find myself drawn towards jesus then i will not be ok. i don't like the idea that i am a sinner from the get-go. you want to believe it? go believe it? i don't push my beliefs down your throat. is it strange that i felt somewhat persecuted at the end of the exchange? bullied by a believer.

sure take a look at my tattoos and assume that i do drugs, drink, whatever. god visited you so you know my whole story. you can walk a mile in my shoes? do i sound bitter? gah. you assume that because i don't believe that i haven't read the bible. you assume that because i don't choose to devote myself to god that i am misguided. you may understand the teachings of a book you have read, but please don't presume to know me on the basis of a ten second conversation.

Currently listening : Crocodiles By Echo & the Bunnymen Release date: 2004-01-27

1:35 AM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

conversation
Current mood: relaxed
Category: Life

I like conversations. I sometimes find myself to be an odd individual in that I will often flaunt my misanthropy and talk of how I am an unsociable animal and then I find myself in a social situation, one where I could quite easily walk away and not allow the interaction to continue and I seek to prolong it. So, I think in essence it must be a control issue -- the feeling of being forced into doing something. Once that element of undue coercion is dealt with I am fine.

So -- conversation, why do I enjoy it? Well, you learn a lot about someone from one of those free-roaming conversations that you often find yourself in, and you also learn a lot about yourself. I like the idea that you can be open minded but still possess definite ideas. You know what you believe in and why you believe it but you are willing to explore someone else's point of view, even if only for the purpose of being able to be informed about them and to be able to converse or argue a point with them.

Conversation is a give and take. You can also determine the geography of where any future interaction might exist -- areas where you might be on a tricky footing, areas where you agree, and areas you should probably steer clear of. I think of myself as a good listener and often find myself in the position of knowing more about another person than they know about because I let them do the talking; I take part in the dialogue but I am able in some sense to withhold myself and determine which facts about myself need to be disclosed and which ones are better left alone.

My life, my attitudes, and my ideas are my own -- I do not need to ram them down anyone's throat or use them as a fuck you to someone else. Sure, I write and I share my opinions that way, and that is where I allow myself to be forthright and outspoken. Why there and not so much in general day to day living? Well, generally someone coming to my work is going to have a pretty good idea of what is on offer and if they don't they will once they start reading -- at the point where they don't like what they are reading they can stop. I find that opinions are sometimes not like that when shared in the normal course of a conversation -- you can't just put things down and walk away from them. You have other people in your life that you have to consider and if making it difficult to deal with someone you need to see on a regular basis makes that impossible and impacts on those you care about you are not helping anyone.

Does this make me some kind of coward? No, I don't think so. I still have the courage of my convictions and, if pressed, I will voice them. I think it makes me tactful, diplomatic, a considerate human being. Why should having an opinion cause so much friction in your life? I deal with people who I know have completely different world view than mine and it doesn't bother me because I am open to that idea -- I withhold voicing my own opinion sometimes because I am not so confident that other people are so inclined.

Currently listening : Set the Twilight Reeling By Lou Reed Release date: 1996-02-20

5:50 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

palahniuk, bjork, cats, wives and an ohio friend
Current mood: happy
Category: Life

i am sitting here reading 'fugitives and refugees' by chuck palahniuk, listening to bjork singing 'venus as a boy' and watching my beautiful wife and our new cat who seems to be going by the name 'mittens' for the moment, and i just received an email from a good friend in ohio -- how can you be mad at the world when things like this are so wonderful and present and insistent in your life?

sure, if you believe the doom mongers the methane gas pumping up from the arctic sea is going to finish us off quick-smart but i am sure there has been an equivalent doom facing humanity going back through the entire time we have been on this planet. today, one time offer, or maybe not -- just look around you and see how fucking beautiful and wonderful your life is!

p.s the cat's lips are quivering in its sleep which just made me smile

Currently listening : Debut By Björk Release date: 1993-07-13

6:09 AM - 2 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment

teaching teachers
Current mood: frustrated
Category: Life

one has to wonder what they teach teachers in florida. i have a great deal of respect for teachers and the job they do -- i considered going into teaching at one point, and anyone who reads this regularly will know that i was responsible for home schooling our youngest son last year. i know that teaching is not always the easiest job -- hence people moving on from it so regularly and the difficulty in filling positions, the levels of stress.

this week i have had one teacher calling about our eldest "doing impressions", basically popping his mouth and drumming in the class, and then today our youngest was causing disruption by singing in the class. now i understand that both of these things are problematic but shouldn't they be able to deal with them in school? is that an unreasonable thing to expect? we are happy to discipline the kids at home and make them do their homework when they have it but how are we supposed to regulate them in school as well?

what does the job of teacher entail if not communicating respect? we try to teach it at home. there has been talk of positive reinforcement in school but they have been giving out rewards when nothing good has been done. when nothing has been done there is nothing to be reinforced and the prize is for doing nothing -- if nothing gets you a prize why bother doing anything? if you get the idea that what you are doing is ok and that you can do whatever you want and still get a prize then you aren't going to bother behaving, are you? does this make sense?

they want us to do our job and their job, and this is impossible. he does his work fine when he is at home when he knows what to do and doesn't seem to have any problems at all with comprehension -- he's a bright kid. why is he acting up? i think it must be boredom -- they aren't holding his attention.

is this all really so difficult?

Currently reading : Ruins Book One Men On Fire (Marvel Alterniverse, Book One Of Two)

6:06 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

ask or tell?
Current mood: awake
Category: Life

you ask people to do things because you figure that if you ask them rather than tell them that you are showing them respect -- at least that's the way i have always thought. if i was told i needed to do something i always felt put upon and wanted to balk against it, but if i was asked to do it then it was a whole different ballgame. sometimes it doesn't work that way though -- people don't feel like doing something and they will feel like it's an imposition no matter how you try to get them to do it.

some things you just have to do. some things only become a big deal when you make them so. how often do people spend more time arguing about doing something than it would have taken to do it? why? to prove a point? i suppose -- i mean i am not above this kind of behaviour, who is?

i suppose i need to start practising what i preach.

Currently listening : Vitalogy By Pearl Jam Release date: 1994-12-06

7:24 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

finger toe counting
Current mood: awake
Category: Life

well, seems like after something of a drought in the blogverse i have been hit with an urge to just waffle on about all the bull-crap that is floating through my head.

all the things that i have been reading lately seem to have a lot to do with the shifting shape of identity, and in particular what it means to be a male in this modern day and age. it's in fight club, it's in the filth, identity occupies doktor sleepless, the beats were tied up in the whole notion of it if you believe the second hand account of the beat generation and the first hand accounts of the good blonde and other stories. californication is about it. you have to wonder if you're magnetised to this shit -- if it's floating out there in the ether like iron filings just being drawn in and down towards you? or are you looking for answers so you find it more easily? that old question bugged everyone from the dawn of time -- who am i? i am just a slice of bread on the other side of a couple of millennia's worth of culture staring across that vast acreage at some neanderthal thinker with same self doubt and questions.

sometimes you have to think it would be so much easier to be stupid -- to not have these constant thought process spinning through your head, because doesn't thinking about them make them more complicated? don't the people who this kind of shit never occurs to glide through life much easier? isn't being enlightened and one with the universe pretty much the same as being stupid? they say ignorance is bliss but they are saying that from the outside and they are being ironic and i don't think they really get it.

i feel a bit melancholy today -- perhaps because i am watching melancholy things and it is pushing my buttons but i am not unhappy. i am productive at the moment, i am very much in love -- i am proud of my family; happy with my new pet. if i were to sit down and start counting the good things in my life i wouldn't have enough fingers and toes.

Currently reading : Kill Your Boyfriend By Grant Morrison

6:15 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

slings and arrows
Current mood: awake
Category: Life

they say that only the ones who love you can hurt you -- and sure it is true that the degree to which they can you hurt is much greater than that which a stranger is capable of effecting you, but to think that the words of someone you barely know can't destabilise your ideas about yourself is erroneous.

if there is something about you that transmits far enough for someone else to be able to make a comment about then perhaps it is something that you should worry about. does it matter if what was said seems unfair? do you think it was unfair because there may be a grain of truth to the statement? does it matter that the person who said the thing was being a hypocrite?

i think if you have to ask yourself whether you should worry about it then maybe you should. if you believe there is a grain of truth to a negative statement about yourself and it worries you as it should, then you should do something about it if you are any kind of decent person at all, and i do consider myself a decent person. it doesn't matter if the thing that was said was said by hypocrite if they were even close to the truth -- what matters is the truth of the statement; their hypocrisy only shows that they have their own cage to work to unlock.

i'm a work in progress -- i hope the shit on the inside hangs together better than the shoddy outside.

Currently reading : Fight Club: A Novel By Chuck Palahniuk

5:52 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

fathers
Category: Life

with the general portrayal of modern man tending towards the negative it is not surprising to be sat here watching a depiction of yet another bad father -- one who lives his life as if he were an adolescent with no responsibility. it seems stupid, pointless and petty to point out that there are just as many bad mothers out there -- that the prolonged adolescence is the modern condition and not just something limited to the male half of the population.

ok, blame apportioned equally let's move on -- because at the end of the day demonstrating that women are as bad at parenting as men is not any kind of victory -- it just highlights what a sad state of affairs we are in.

they say there are no schools where you can learn how to be a parent but that takes a very narrow view of where we get our schooling. i learned how to be a parent by being parented by my immediate ancestors otherwise known as mum and dad.

i have come to understand that being a parent is not easy. it's not that i ever thought it was easy -- i think it's that before i became one i didn't think about it at all. am i a good parent? as judged against my parents? and how do you do that? do you consider their job done because i have reached adulthood? and then wouldn't me judging myself and how i have turned out be entailed in the judging of them? you would have to throw my brother in the mix. are we bad people? i don't think we are? and all i can say of myself thus far regarding my parenting skills are that it's too early to tell. well, maybe not -- there are people that could be asked, of course.

so did that blog go anywhere he says to himself. was it an exercise in throwing bait out there? no, i would hope it comes across as more than that. in the quest to work out who i am i now have a new role, a new criteria by which to judge myself.

ok, well, the inspiration was this character saying to this guy that he was not his father and that was good because his father was a crap dad. if someone said to me that i was not my father i think i would have once thought this was a good thing, but if i could be half as good a parent as he is, as my mum is, then half the battle would be won.

what do i want from my life? to be a good husband, to be a good father, and to be a good pet owner. oh, and you can add to be a good writer too, if you want.

Currently watching : Californication - Season One Release date: 2008-06-17

4:22 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

a redhead with green eyes
Current mood: awake
Category: Pets and Animals

so we have a new addition to the family and it has made idiots of us all. it turned up on the weekend and has thus far not yet got a name -- or rather it has had several names: DAT (Dorien Asher Two (named for my youngest son)), Mittens, Simba,and Boba Fett.

notionally it is the kid's pet but i, the person that was most resistant to having it in the house, am the one who spends the most time with it. it's a cool cat and yeah it is damned cute. i used to be allergic -- i suppose as he gets older he might bring out the reactions again or like all the other things i had in good old blighty -- perhaps it has evaporated.

last night he was a little sod but after putting him out of the room a couple of times when he was crying at the door i had to let him back in -- useless, eh? i spend most of the night watching my wife to make sure she doesn't squash the cat and watching the cat to make sure it doesn't bite my wife's feet. i did not get enough sleep last night -- after running the sleeping assault course that is my sleeping wife the cat was somewhat adrenalised and it would not settle and therefore i couldn't settle.

as i sit here typing this he is asleep worn out. i am awake worn out. we have a kitten :D

Currently watching : Californication - Season One Release date: 2008-06-17

1:26 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment