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Tuesday, July 22, 2008
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Bad News
I'm sure you are all expecting something from Grant here and it to be funny but i'm sorry i have to report his death on the weekend.
He died in a car crash late satyurday night. I know he woud have wanted me to write something here and also to say he was rubbish and stuff but i didn't think he was.
He was the most amazing friend and a truly special person. He will be missed.
Rest in peace buddies!
Mark
3:39 AM
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Friday, July 11, 2008
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Leather container
If my penis was a satchel i would keep your facial products and toiletries in it.
I would make sure they didn't puncture my tube by wrapping them in bubble-wrap, this would help protect them from the urine also.
When I masturbated i would push them further in so my hand could fit as snuggly as usual. And when i came i would present you with your make-up.
My penis would make a good hold-all. We could put the tent and sleeping bag in there and go on a trip. When we found a nice spot i would simply use my pickle onion grabber to remove what we needed.
I can't park vehicles in my penis but if i could i would let your park your 07 plate Ford Ka in there so long as you use your steering wheel clamp to prevent thieves joyriding around my testicles.
If you don't want to store anything in my penis can you store it in you vagina along with my toothbrush and deodorant.
5:34 PM
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4 Comments - 4 Kudos
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Monday, June 02, 2008
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Dirty bastard
She kissed the floor. He always made his victims kiss the floor. He stood behind her and lifted her to her knees. Her face still pursed against the solid wood floor. He spat on his finger and rubbed it on her arsehole. In one swift movement he pushed it deep inside her. She let out a moan and turned her face to the side. Her cheek grazed on the floor.
He pumped his wrist rhythmically. She moaned. He smiled. With his other hand he reached for the hammer. The held the shiny wooden handle firmly. He squeezed it. She was still moaning. He said something like, "Now I'm going to fuck you,."
The hammer and a large flat surface on one side where nails are hit and on the other was a claw. A sharp prong that splits in two for retrieving nails. He slowly and gently rubbed the handle of the hammer on her pussy. Still penetrating her ass with his finger. Then he eased the handle inside her. Thrusting in and out she was moaning loudly. Then he said something like, "Take care of yourself for a bit will you?"
She grabbed the hammer and put two fingers up he ass and started writhing on the floor. He went to the cupboard and got out a skewer. He went back to her, lifted her head and shoved his cock in her mouth. So deep she nearly choked. Then he said something like, "Close your eyes I, I wanna spunk in your face."
She closed he eyes. He took the skewer and thrust it into he face. The handle buried in her cheek and the skewer visible where it exited he chin and entered he neck. She couldn't scream. Moaning still. Violently thrashing on the floor with fingers up he ass and a hammer in her pussy. The hammer's claw ripping at her. He said something like, "That's it bitch."
He took the hammer from her pussy and put it through the top of her head. She twitched. He fucked her. He said something like, "Bitch!"
3:11 PM
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Saturday, May 17, 2008
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Costume Drama
..TR>
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It was cold outside. I knew that because i had only recently entered my house. My house was warm inside. If it had been moist i would have said it was like being back inside my mother's womb.
I stood at the bottom of my staircase, looked at the ridiculous clothes i was wearing and sighed a shameful sigh. What was i thinking wearing my perv pants to a fancy restaurant.
Wasn't it obvious my penis and testicles would vacate my loose covering and reveal themselves when the soup was being delivered.
Wasn't it obvious that when i got up to apologise to the waiter that my penis would be visible to the young girl on the table opposite us.
Wasn't it inevitable that when her father punched me and i fell to the floor unconscious that even my arsehole would be visible through the gaping hole of my perv pants.
What was i thinking?
Anyway, with it all over and done with i think i'll go up stairs and masturbate over those memories. | ..TABLE>
5:09 AM
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Monday, February 25, 2008
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Goodbye
I am leaving the myspace areana. I won't be deleting this profile, partly because i can't find the delete button and partly because i'm the kind of twat that will come back in 6 weeks like i never said this.
I want to say thankyou to everyone who has frequented these blogs. Your consistent liking of poor grammar and insufficient data has made me feel good.
I would especially like to thank the following people, albeit their myspace names (i the kind of twat that doesn't ask or remember people's names) because i felt a connection with them. I felt a connection with more than this list but this list acontains the ones i can remember (twat). In no order.
Earthy Mother
Spooky Joe
G
Lant 70
Kirsty's Teapot
The Colour Yellow (or is it color?)
Mi - Mistress of Darkness
Minx - changes this bit every week
Jessie
Lost in Loganville
Drunken Insomniac Writer.
Thank you these people for making me believe in cyber friendship. If you are unaware you have told me many times that you love me, i often have conversations with you and perform your side of it, so i thankyou for that aswell.
So,
Goodbye everyone. May happiness and wealth hold hands with you.
Grant
5:53 AM
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5 Comments - 8 Kudos
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Monday, February 18, 2008
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A day in Paris
If you're going to rip it off
Then do it quickly
Don't let the sound of my voice put you off
Grab it in the corner and pull it fast.
I promise i'll still love you.
Even if you take the skin with it.
And you see my viscera.
I'll still love you if you can forget that sight.
That day you put your hand inside me.
That day you were sick to my stomach.
I'll still love you.
Just rip it off and close your eyes.
8:48 AM
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6 Comments - 6 Kudos
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Thursday, February 14, 2008
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I can do things
I can say, "Hello".
I can close my eyes.
I can smell test tubes,
I can give out nicknames.
I can act surprised.
I can draw corners.
I can use free samples.
I can sell bread.
I am proud of myself.
5:11 AM
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3 Comments - 6 Kudos
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Wednesday, February 13, 2008
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If I can see it then it must be real
Squatted.
Far away but in sight.
In plain sight.
Not a care in the world.
That it could be seen.
Eating throat lozenges and custard creams.
Playing with it's testicles like a pair of stress balls.
There in the distance.
Sitting.
Dribbling.
Was the ghost of my father.
Balls in hand.
Eating lozenges and custard creams.
5:17 AM
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1 Comments - 4 Kudos
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Tuesday, February 12, 2008
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Lozenge
I saw them crack the Locket. Slowley, releasing its strangely arousing essence, the liquid poured from the broken throat sweet.
I had no idea it would look like that. I'd never seen it naked before.
This was their 100th Locket. They had emptied 10s of packs into a beaker and it was nearly near the top.
Monkeys and mice, in the background, feasted on the discarded Locket shells. Their eyes wide and bright like wild animals caught and fed sweets.
While i was looking at the monkeys eating Lockets i missed what they had done with the Locket juice. The beaker was empty. I felt an odd rush on anger and sexual frustration climb up from my testicles to my ears and round to my asshole which was now twitching.
Bastards drunk all the Locket juice. Didn't leave me any Locket juice. There's only one thing that comes close to drinking a beaker of Locket juice and that's a lubricated wank.
I just hope i can shake the images of wide eyed monkeys before i get home.
6:01 AM
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1 Comments - 2 Kudos
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Monday, February 11, 2008
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under garments
You dare wear a fucking petticoat and i'll snatch the life out of you.
I'll cut your throat and stuff that fucking nighty wannabe into your gullet.
If you think it helps with the cold or if you are just insecure about your varicose viened legs then you should consider long johns.
If you look at me like that again i'll cut your fucking tits off.
5:21 AM
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3 Comments - 2 Kudos
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Thursday, February 07, 2008
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Sand-widge-d
Sandwiched between two swans is not the way I'd like to go.
Sandwiched between a rock and a hard place, presumably some dry compact earth or metal, is an even more unwanted way to go.
Sandwiched between the earth and the sky is too vague and not a true demonstration of the term 'sandwiched between'.
Sandwiched between copies of myself is quite exciting.
Sandwiched between breasts and dragons is more exciting.
So long as I'm sandwiched I will be happy when I go.
2:59 AM
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8 Comments - 8 Kudos
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Sunday, January 27, 2008
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GIGGAGE TONIGHT and a poem about cancer
ANYONE LIVING IN THE VICINITY OF NEWPORT SHOULD GO CHECK OUT THE BAND POKKURI ON SUNDAY IN THE RIVERSIDE TAVERN.
SUNDAY 27TH JANUARY
RIVERSIDE TAVERN
POKKURI
IT'S FREE TO GET IN.
NOW A POEM ABOUT CANCER:
The thing about my parents is
One is dying the other's dead.
The Big C - I call it Carl
For better or for worse he's changed my life.
He's violated all I love.
Desecrated
Penetrated them with his long black fingers
His warm and sticky fingers.
He doesn't know what he has done.
He doesn't know who he has touched.
Their loving mark left on him
But he dies with them.
My parents introduced me
It will be my time soon
To face Carl and tell him
"Rape me with your tentacles but know this,
I love you for it."
CHECK OUT POKKURI ON MYSPACE
http://www.myspace.com/pokkuri
7:53 AM
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3 Comments - 6 Kudos
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Tuesday, January 08, 2008
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Balls
"Are there any skills you can bring to this position?"
"I can throw soft balls onto people's heads."
"How about you put your balls on my face?"
"I'd like to ask what the salary is."
"Put your balls on my face."
"I have small testicles. You wouldn't like it. Plus it's cold and my scrotum is hard and wrinkly. It'll be like rubbing a load of elastic bands on your face."
"Put your balls on my face."
"Okay."
6:12 AM
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9 Comments - 14 Kudos
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Friend deletion
I think it's time for me to give up the dream of being a writer.
I may continue posting blogs but there will be less. I need to let go of this delusion.
I am therefore going to reduce the number of friends down so that all that remain are true friends and people who enjoy my blogs. I already know who some of you are.
If you would like to remain friends then pleas ecould you leave a comment here as i am using this blog as basis for deletion. If you haven't read this blog, and you're not reading this passage right now, then i guess we'll drift apart without goodbyes. Maybe fate will bring us back together.
Thanks for all your support. I've appreciated the number of people who visit here and the special people i've interacted with.
Grant
3:27 AM
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40 Comments - 22 Kudos
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Wednesday, January 02, 2008
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Sandwich
Cold
Black
The iron fist that closed my jaw.
Brown
Warm
Eyes closed but so aware.
Near
Strange
The bristles on your chin to my cheek.
Skin
Numb
You took it with your icecream hands.
Mind
Alert
But cannot face the music yet.
Cold
Black
The iron fist that closed my jaw
And fed me tuna sandwiches
with cheese and sweetcorn.
4:40 PM
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4 Comments - 7 Kudos
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