I need someones help now Once again I have fallen down Shards of me are on the ground And it seems like no one hears me shout
It feels as if theres no one that cares Sometimes it feels like no one is even there And I feel as if no one can even see That this life is slowly breaking me
It feels like Im lost and cant be found As if Im stuck in a maze with no way out Pleading to heaven that I need an angel For it seems I have gone and lost my halo
Haunted by memories no one can ever know Covered in scars that I dare never show My past is riddled with many a regret And many mistakes I would rather forget
In photos of my youth I dont recognize the face I cant believe that boy and I are one and the same My life has been like one never ending fight An uphill battle that has no end in sight
Id like to think that one day the sun will rise That there will be a dawn after this terrible night That something will save me from all this strife But years have gone by and Im still not alright
It seems like my spirit is always breaking And words cant describe the toll that its taking My soul is drowning in anger, pain, and doubt Id like to believe in myself but dont remember how
So you see Im afflicted with my own disease Blinded by pain and unable to breathe Not sure anymore if anyone can save me So please just leave me be
This is the story of a young man grown old His life an open book, a tragic story to be told Always hiding from the demons in his head Haunted by every mistake in the life hes led
Like the withering flower waiting for the rain All he wanted was someone to take away the pain Afraid of being hurt, he never let anyone close Like a fire he burned everything that mattered most
Guilty of countless lies and many misdeeds Whatever it took to suit his every need He created an illusion of invulnerability To hide from the world his insecurity
Committed far too many sins to ever atone And slowly everyone he cared for left him alone Tried to keep his shame secret, locked deep within But eventually even his brothers would abandon him
Always tormented by pain that was never shown He found no solace, not even in his own home Forever replaying the pain, the shame, and the guilt Drowning in the ashes of everything he ever built
This vicious cycle brought him to his knees As if fate enjoyed watching him bleed After so much pain there are no more tears The only thing thats left is wasted years
If he could hed take back every last mistake Go back and retrace every step he ever made But time stops for no one and its far too late Now he begins to accept his inevitable fate
He always knew that it would come to this For years he saw the end coming all along Now all he has is just one simple wish That they all forgive him when hes gone
Im confused, angry and dont know what to say And Im growing tired of this silly game we play You came to me for advice and I found you inviting There was something about you that was so enticing
And so you found a safe haven in my arms Knowing that Id never do anything to bring you harm I thought I was special, you made me believe Now Im starting to think your words were to deceive
I treated you like an angel sent down from above And for awhile I actually thought it was me you loved I let myself fall under your spell, I was hypnotized Now Im wondering if the time we spent was a bunch of lies
So now Im sitting here with the bottle in my hand Desperately trying my hardest to understand He treats you like shit and yet you take him back And now Im left wondering what it is that I lack
The truth is youre young and you crave attention And youre playing more guys than I care to mention Everytime you broke I picked the pieces off the floor But Im tired and wont let you use me anymore
I refuse to put myself through hell, not for you So this is me saying fuck him and fuck you too Quite frankly Im sick and tired of this shit And now Im done with it
You asked me why I love you, let me count the ways Because when I look at you I finally understand That as long as Im with you it doesnt matter where I am And I have never felt this way in all my days
Because when I get lost in your beautiful green eyes Its like you understand, you see deep inside You heal all the pain that has come before When Im with you none of it matters anymore
When Im with you its like having a brand new start I no longer care about all those who broke my heart All the people in the past who did me harm They were stepping stones leading me to your arms
Because when youre in my arms holding me tight Only then in that moment do I feel truly alive When you first looked at me with that cute little grin Only then in that moment did life truly begin
You make me feel a way that no one else can Taking me to a dreamland where I have never been And theres nothing I wouldnt do, nothing I wouldnt say To keep this feeling here and never let it fade away
I honestly dont know what more I can say Other than no one else has made me feel this way I cant put it to words, it just feels right Because I have never felt this way in all my life
So you asked me why I loved you, and I tried But the truth is there are no words to describe How you touch me somewhere deep down inside I meant it when I said I loved you and now you know why
The two of us lying here not looking at the clock Both of us wishing that time for us would just stop If only there was a way to stay in this moment Someway for us to cherish it, pause it, and hold it
Theres just no way to describe how I feel inside Lying here nose to nose, gazing into your eyes If only I had a way to freeze this moment in time And stay here forever with your head against mine
A feeling like none other I have ever known Here next to you I have never felt more at home As the sound of your breathing lulls me to sleep This moment is ours alone, forever to keep
I would love nothing more than if we could stay But the clock threatens to take our moment away Stealing a little more time, a little longer we linger As we lie awake playing with each others fingers
And I just cant stop the smile thats a mile wide As you gently rest your hands over mine I forget all the hurt and pain I have been through Here in this moment where all that matters is me and you
All too good to be true, this must be a dream If it is please dont wake me, just let me sleep These precious moments which no one can ever take These are the moments out of which heaven is made
Im all out of reasons to believe in me My vision is gone and I can no longer see Out of reasons to look forward to better days What was once so clear to me has become a haze
Im out of reasons to not lay down and die This heart has been broken one too many times Im out of reasons to hope things will ever change I look out the window and the skies are always grey
Im out of reasons to keep going and stay Im too cold and jaded to ever be the same Im out of reasons to not close my eyes and fade away For this broken soul has seen far too much pain
But Im out of reason to keep listening to lifes deceit What I deserve surely sooner or later I will receive Im out of reasons the truth inside I cant reject Whats done is done and I have to accept
Im out of reasons to keep reliving all this pain Yesterday is gone and things can never be the same Im out of reasons to keep dwelling on the past I have seen enough bad times to know they dont last
Now Im all out of reasons to sit here and cry Adversity giving me the strength to make it this far in life I have been to hell and back, I have seen the fiery pit I have seen life at its worst so now Im out of reasons to quit
I sit here alone as the storm rages outside my room Thinking about all the things life has put me through When I was young I would dream of the things I would be But now its clear that dream was never meant for me
Most people are blessed with a happy childhhod Light and free from worry like all children should But Ive been collecting scars since I was in grade three That happy normal life was never meant to be
Most people are blessed with a kind and caring family Just like the ones you always see on the tv But these past several years have made me see That a dysfunctional brady bunch is all we'll ever be
Most people dream of finding that one true love To be with forever, an angel sent down from above But I've been cold so long Im beginning to see That this just isn't going to happen to me
Most people dream of the house with the white picket fence Working their nine to five, with a warm loving family But with all due respect and no intended offense Myself in this happy picture I just don't see
Their inner demons most people are afraid to feed Afraid of tearing open the wounds and letting them bleed Fearful of what other scrutinizing eyes might see But hiding what I really am just isn't me
Most people never really amount to anything All too happy just living the average American dream Perfectly comfortable just settling for mediocrity But that ordinary life is just not for me
I stand here taking a long look over realitys edge Wondering if I jumped would anyone stop or follow me Realizing that Im the only one keeping me on this ledge And that if I were to fall in time all would forget about me
Forces beyond my control pull me back and forth To a place no one should ever go it takes me Filled with cries of agony I can take no more All alone inside my head it slowly breaks me
You say there is hope, some light for me to see It must be nice where you live, home for the foolish and naive But the demons that reside in me you would never believe For Ive felt more pain that those thrice my age can concieve
Ive spent years alone searching for this so called light Spent so long trying to stop the wounds from bleeding But I grow old and weary from this never ending fight So tired of hiding from the world how Im feeling
And so I surrender to the monster that lives deep within Finally accepted this as who I am now Im giving in Like a warm blanket I feel the shadows envelop me Flying on black wings past the shallow waters of sanity
I used to think someone would save me someway, somehow But surely if that was going to happen it would have by now And so as if repenting for some sin for which I must atone Ill resign myself to this prison and serve my sentence alone
Alone in this room, silence never sounded so loud On reality my fingers finally loosen their hold Letting all of my inner darkness come pouring out Opening my arms and embracing the Cold
I just cant silence the voices in my head They wont stop until all my demons are dead Ive got to kill them all, every last one Its time to end it all so go and get my gun
The first to go is the one who ruined my life He is the reason for all this pain and strife He lied to me and stole her like a rat So Ill send him to hell and theres no coming back
The second is one whom in his stupidity Had the audacity to go against me After I punished him he wished he was dead Now Ill grant his wish and put a bullet in his head
The third is one who I truly despise For filling her head with obsurd thoughts and lies Sorry my friend but you wont be here for judgment day Now that Ive killed you and put you in a grave
The next is a boy who thought he was superman Foolish little boy so little it is you understand She was where I wanted her when you got in the way So now Ill put a gun to your head and blow you away
Now as I look at her tears run down my face This is all her fault for she pushed me away So to punish her for all she put me through I squeezed the trigger and killed her too
Now theyre all dead but the voices still remain I sat in the dark and for hours I wept I killed them all but I couldnt kill the pain Then I looked in the chamber and one bullet was left
"Tell Me Why (A Conversation With God)"
Current mood: artistic
Category: Writing and Poetry
Gather round one and all, Ill tell you a story Of a young man consumed by his own tragedy Unable to cope with the stress, the pain, and the strife So he put the gun to his head and took his own life
Rising up to heaven his whole life passed through his head So he stood there stoically looking through the pearly gate But as they were about to let him in this is what he said "Let me speak to God Ive got some things to say"
Tell me why as a child cruelty was all I would ever know Their words and taunts piercing me like so many arrows God said I made you suffer all their stinging blows So that one day true kindness you might show
Tell me why I never had a father to call my own That special father-son bond I would never know God said I did that so that one day you might become The father that you never had for your future sons
Tell me why I watched my family crumble before my eyes At fifteen I saw that all I ever knew was a bunch of lies God said I did that my son so that you would see So you would build what a real family should be
Tell me why I never had any siblings to share the weight No brothers or sisters to help show me the way God said so the true value of best friends you would see And a true best friend you would in turn be
Tell me why you saw fit to brand me with this curse Why the voices in my head I must endure God said child I gave you the gift of verse To use your pain and help others with your words
Tell me why I had to go through life cold and alone When all I wanted most was someone to hold And God looked at this broken soul unsure what to say "Poor child I sent you an angel but from her you walked away"
And all he could do was kneel and shed endless tears But a warm hand on his shoulder made him stand up Then suddenly it all became oh so very clear And in a cold sweat the young man woke up
©2007-2008. Nathan McKinney. All materials contained in this blog are the property of the aforementioned person. No reproduction of this material in any form or medium is permitted without the expressed permission of the author.
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