Take the good with the bad
Current mood: miserable
Category: excited Life
I've managed to do something very few people could accomplish: I got kicked out of my doctor's office this week simply because I told her she was "acting very, very, very, very stupid."
She very promptly declared "No one calls me stupid," which I didn't, which kind of puts things - and her intelligence - into perspective.
For many months, we've been battling over my Vicodin prescription. For a year now, I've been taking 5 pills a day. If you do the math, a 30 day supply is 150 pills. After I lost my health insurance and started seeing Dr. Jessica Cook at the McGregor clinic, I took all of my prescriptions to show her how much I was taking of what. She wrote a script for 100 pills. After one rowe where I again showed her my prescription bottles, she bumped it to 120 and told me to "make it last." I don't know of any ethical doctor who writes scripts for less than what is needed for a medication and tells their patient to make it last.
After the all the phone hang ups and the run around she got with the nurse the last time I tried to get my Vicodin refilled, my mom wanted to meet Dr. Cook and see what is going on with her. She's of the same opinion I am concerning Dr. Cook now.
And Dr. Cook wasn't too happy about me getting pain meds from an ER doctor. She stated, matter-of-factly, that she did refill my prescription on the day in question at precisely 5 p.m., she all but accused me of conning the doctor to get more drugs so I could get high. Seeing as how the pharmacy I have to use with her closes at 5 p.m., her logic falls flat on its face. She told I had violated our agreement that she and she alone would write my hydrocodone prescriptions. The way I see it, she violated it first by not writing the proper prescription and then not even giving timely refills on those prescriptions.
That means she is either a) lazy, b) incompetent or c) negligent. I was doing her a favor by saying her actions were incompetent because the other two have severe legal ramifications. But since she refutes that, and then threw me out of her office knowing full well that I was out of two much-needed medications for a chronic condition, that just leaves us with a doctor begging for my lawyers to sue her.
The hypocratic oath says "do no harm" but she has persisted in causing harm. Psychologically, I'm just at an end with dealing with negligent doctors. One crippled me for life then blamed me for getting a chronic pain condition even though he damaged my nervous system and I have a neurologist to prove it. My blood pressure has gotten dangerously high in dealing with Dr. Cook as well. High enough I did actually worry about tachycardia. High blood pressure and stress cause me to experience more pain, just like depression does. She was just reading up on that before coming into the exam room, which is probably why it took her 45 minutes to come in. That or a nurse told her I had back up in the form of a very angry mother.
She began lecturing me on my condition, as though I hadn't bothered to at least Google it over the last two years. She conveniently forgot about when I told her that I diagnosed myself a full two months before any doctor. The last time I saw her, she was surprised that I had a cane. Something that has literally been at my side every day for two years. And I don't know why we bother going in an exam room. I've been going to her since February and she has not once examined me or my leg.
I think Dr. Cook will be hearing from my lawyers in the near future and I'm taking the ER doc's advice. I'm getting a new doctor.
It's not all bad news, though. My mom has been trying to get rid of her gas-guzzling Chevy Avalanche for a while now. She finally made the decision that she was just going to have to let it go back, even though it would be a major blow to her credit score. The way the car market is, she was just never going to get over the negative equity between what she could get on trade in and what is left on the note.
So we stopped off at the Honda dealership and she was sold on the Honda Element, which I have to say I like as well. A recent episode of Top Gear confirmed that it is indeed a cool car. After picking it out and talking some price numbers, I happened to mention that I wanted a new car, too. I paid for my Chevy Cavalier all on my own, but it had zero impact on my credit score because it was never in my name. We remedied that by having me co-sign the loan on a 2005 BMW 325i that we got at quite a good price. A lot of people apparently looked at it, but I said yes before I even saw the interior.
So now I drive a German sports sedan and women have responded. I don't even have to say anything, they can just sense the German engineering and leather interior and become very interested in everything I say. It's enough of an impact that I think I could swing the election by taking a road trip and stopping at every bar and strip club I see. I'm getting girls in groups surrounding me and I'm not exaggerating. Barack Obama could win Texas simply because I drive a Beamer and have tremendous oral skills... and I'm not talking about public speaking.
Things are as they always are. A miserable, banal levelness in the good and the bad in my life. Hopefully I can overcome that with some action on my part to make things better. I have some plans that should bring more money and independence and much better medical care into my life while I await the results of my malpractice lawsuits, which I hope leave me substantially better off than I am now. Not only am I a cripple; I'm a broke cripple that lives with my mom. That needs to change soon.
My complicated life
Current mood: angry
Category: Life
After suffering for 2 years, I've had it with the modern medical profession. Out of a dozen or so doctors, I've only dealt with one really competent one: My longtime personal physician Dr. Speckmiear.
The straw that broke the camel's back came Tuesday when it was time to refill my hydrocodone prescription. Well, that's actually misleading since it was actually a week after I needed it refilled. My current doctor, Dr. Jessica Cook, has been continuously writing scripts that don't meet my needs for a one month supply. She was writing them for 100 pills and I managed to get her up to 120, but that still doesn't meet the needs of someone who takes 5 pills a day. I've been taking 5 pills a day for a year now and I reached that number after consulting my physician and after a botched sympathetic nerve block.
When I called the pharmacy to see if my pills were finally ready, they weren't. My mom called the clinic to see what was going on and they hung up on her 3 fucking times! So she went up there demanding to see Dr. Cook. They would only let her see her nurse who had no answers and couldn't tell her why Dr. Cook wouldn't write the correct prescription or why she hadn't bothered to take 5 minutes to sign a damn refill order and fax it back to the pharmacy.
All the stress was making my leg hurt even more. So I finally just snapped. I've sort of just taken the crap I've had to deal with from doctors thinking I didn't really have a choice. I've always looked up to doctors and could never imagine being one of those people who sued them.
The only thing we could do was take me to the emergency room at Providence Hospital. Even though there was a strict rule against giving narcotics to people off the street, the doctor risked his license and his job to get me Vicodin so I didn't walk out of there suffering. He gave me enough to get me to the next day so that I could sort out my refill.
Considering I don't have health insurance or a job, just a gold Good Health Card from County Welfare, they wanted to know how I was paying for my visit. The lady couldn't understand why I didn't have the blue card, which basically pays for everything everywhere. I'm living off my mom's spare change and whatever and she can give me. That and my credit cards, both of which are now maxed out. Neither could the person at the pharmacy the next day. There's no reason why I don't have the blue card except that the people in the welfare office were adding in my mom's income, which they aren't supposed to do.
In the ER, they took my basic vitals. I had just taken my last two Vicodin because my leg hurt so much. With 20mgs of hydrocodone, my blood pressure was 143/110 and my heart rate was 91 bpm, way above normal for me. I'm usually 110/80 and around 67 bpm, but I was so stressed from dealing with my own doctor's negligence that even a drug that is supposed to lower heart rates and breathing wasn't doing much of either.
So, in the span of 2 years I've had a surgeon ruin my knee so that I can't use it anymore, blamed me for not getting better, called me pathetic to my face and disregarded me when I told him I though I had complex regional pain syndrome which another diagnosed after 2 seconds of looking at my leg 2 months later. Great job Dr. Ellis.
I've had a pain specialist, Dr. Hurley, that everyone who has ever met him regards as a total dick promise me a "one shot cure" to my chronic condition which made me worse than I was before. And while I was laying on his exam table in agony, he decided it was the perfect time to test if I was double jointed. I was in so much pain from him twisting my knee around that I was biting my hand to keep from screaming and he told my mom that was okay as long as I didn't break the skin. I spent the next two days in bed barely able to move and my mom had to keep sharp objects away from me because I convinced myself that if I cut off a pinky finger it would take my mind off how much my leg hurt.
And now there is Dr. Cook, who is roughly my age, has absolutely no medical knowledge of my condition and won't write the correct prescriptions or even talk to my mom when she screws up. If she thinks I'm abusing narcotics, then don't give me any. But she can't do that because my doctor, a three-phase bone scan, a pain specialist and a neurologist have all confirmed I do indeed have a chronic pain condition and I need pain meds. So she should prescribe the correct amount. You don't write half a month's script for blood pressure medication and tell them to make it last. That's negligence.
So I spent Tuesday night going through the yellow pages with my mom looking at every malpractice attorney in Waco because I've decided to sue all three of these assholes. And sue them big. It's not even about getting money, even though being crippled for life and not being able to work at the age of 25 kind of necessitates getting a lot of money from somewhere. I want to take it as far as I can and take so much money from their insurance companies that there is no way that they could possibly get malpractice insurance in the future and thus never do what they've done to me to anyone else. I want to ruin their names, their practices and let them get a little taste of the hopelessness that comes from not knowing what is going to happen to you for the rest of your life.
I’ve quit my job
Current mood: aggravated
Category: Life
Well, after five years at the Trib, I had to give up the ghost that I could keep up with the pace they wanted me to. I was spending my days off sleeping because the work week had me exhausted.
I didn't even get to finish on a strong note. My last day, my mom had to call in and tell them I was too sick to make it in.
I went to a new doctor, a neurologist, who gave me a new drug because they don't want me on Vicodin so they gave me a drug called Lyrica which is just like the gabapentin I already tried that didn't work before. I have a weird feeling of deja vu because this happens everytime I go to a new doctor. Vicodin, even though it works, is bad, and all the crap that doesn't work is good. You would think that people who have spent as much time in school as a doctor wouldn't be such a moron. They base their policy entirely on hearsay evidence because I have yet to find a study that says longterm opioid analgesic therapy is either detrimental or ends with a 100% addiction.
They just assume that because Paris Hilton takes Vicodin recreationally, that me and my chronic pain condition don't need a pain killer. It pisses me off to no end.
So it will be a couple of months before they are satisfied that yes, the Lyrica doesn't work and I should probably be able to drive myself and remember what day it is because that's what this drug does. I've got huge holes in my memory since I started taking it, so much so that I keep forgetting to take my other medications. And I just tried to drive myself to a convenience store only to suddenly realize that I was going 30 down the highway where the speed limit was 55 and I had a line of cars honking at me.
I turned 25 today and I got to celebrate by getting up at 8 a.m. to get ready to go see another orthopedist.
Luckily, Dr. Battle isn't a total douche like my previous doctor, Dr. Penis... I'm sorry, Dr. Ellis. After some talking and some X-rays we ruled out more surgery. Yay for me!
Unluckily, however, he was surprised at the amount of muscle atrophy and weakness. And the lag in my knee extension. He's come to hypothesize that there might be an underlying neurological cause to my continued joint pain and knee locking. Some kind of neuropathy, which would explain some symptoms we've just kind of ignored in CRPS diagnosis.
Interestingly enough, there is a CRPS Type 2, called neuralgia, that causes nerve damage. I think it would be fascinating if I actually had both types. If there is some kind of neuropathy, I'm pretty much screwed for life, but it would be fascinating. I'd have to research it to find out if anyone else has ever had both types. I could be a cool case study to be written up in a medical journal.
No presents to speak of, except some really hot pictures of my friend Chissa as Miss April and the fact that a DVD featuring only the gorgeous Eva Angelina who I would have gladly gotten fired over was released today. She did her first anal scene on my birthday last year and now this. I'm not one to be all superstitious, but that she does really important things on my birthday and she fits every single criteria I have for who I would marry (except she doesn't have a twin sister... that I know of) makes me pause to think.
Here is the post that got me in so much trouble at work that they literally took down my blog, then wiped everything clean so as to leave no trace that it ever existed. Thank God for Google caches.
It's easier if I just link to it rather than try and put it here.
My Tribune-Herald movie blog, Cinema Toast with Nate, was taken down today because of a specific post in which I brought up the subject of porn (which is a kind of movie after all). You can read all about it here.
I'm either going to keep blogging about movies at my old Common Sense site or maybe even here on Myspace. Whichever is the easiest for me. But I'm gonna keep on keeping on.
What condition my condition is in
Current mood: anxious
Category: Life
After the spectacular failure that Dr. Hurley, the pain specialist, was with his "one shot cure," I'm left to sort of one alternative.
For an indefinite period of time, I'm going to be taking 75mg of Effexor, 3-4 Vicodin (that would be the 10/650 variety), and about 4 mgs of clonazepam a day. All to manage my mood, my pain and my sleep.
That indefinite period of time will probably be the rest of my life... or as long as I have insurance to pay for it. The coverage from my mom runs out in January, so I'm actually going to have to apply for Social Security disability. I'm going to need it to keep seeing my doctor and to keep getting my meds. If I get turned down, I might have to move to a country with national healthcare just to so I don't have to go through hell with my insurance anymore.
By the way, if you haven't seen Michael Moore's latest movie, I suggest you do. And if you feel spurred to action, write your Congressman and tell him we pay enough in taxes that health care should be free for everyone. For chrissake, Cuba takes better care of its people. Cuba!
Oh, and some of you new people I just added
Current mood: chipper
Category: MySpace
I'm really, really vain so I've spent the last hour and a half just adding really hot chicks to my friends list. Just accept and take it as a major compliment. I mean, you're hot, you know, I know it and now it is something we share in a weird ethereal sense.
Long time, but I'm fine now
Current mood: chipper
Category: Life
OK, really, I'm not. I've tried all the traditional treatments for my chronic pain and the only thing that seems to work are a cocktail of Vicodin, Effexor and Klonipin. They keep me functional and the cane keeps me walking.
By the way, I totally got a new cane. A bitchin' one.
So between the drugs, the cane and regular trips to Two Minnies, I'm doing great.
Oh, and I did this whole thing where I ditched my girlfriend and completely burned my bridges friend wise with anyone except Space Monkey. I was on Cymbalta at the time so... nah, I was just being a jerk like I always am.
Now I do have three friends, but two are waitresses at Two Minnies so I'm not sure if they count.
I would never do anything to harm my Myspace friends, though. It's how I objectively measure my own self-worth. More Myspace friends=more of me to love!
Currently
listening
:
Me and the Devil Blues
By
Robert Johnson
Release date: 16 November, 2004
miserable
angry
aggravated
anxious
contemplative
chipper
