When Reading Makes You Pee Your Pants
Current mood: excedrin migraine rocks
Category: excedrin migraine rocks Writing and Poetry
Having just crawled out from under a rock, inside a cave at the center of the earth, I have discovered David Sedaris. Actually, my brother had mentioned him to me a long, long time ago... but I digress.
Mr. Sedaris recently appeared on The Daily Show to promote his new book, "When You are Engulfed in Flames." Just the cover art alone was enough to convince me to drop everything, run to the computer and instruct Amazon.com to send me everything he has ever written in one shipment so I get it faster.
I started with Holidays On Ice. Besides the obvious "Christmas in July" theme - (get it?) it was small and easy to carry on my travels. Talk about pee your pants funny! Well, not the entire book, but a good 80% had me laughing out loud while sitting by myself reading in a restaurant in Frankfurt, Germany. Now the Germans ARE convinced all us crazy Americans really are crazy.
Anyway.... read his stuff. My brother assures me Naked and Barrel Fever are hilarious.
I'll be engulfed in flames for the plane ride home. Do you think the air marshals will find humor in that?
Offensive? Distasteful? Satire?
Current mood: out of my mind!
Category: out of my mind! News and Politics
Offensive? Distasteful? Satire?
You be the judge. Comment away.
This is the real and true cover of coming issue of The New Yorker Magazine.
While I "get it", I am not so sure his opponents will do the same and therefore am not quite convinced this cover art was necessary.
However, there is also the possibility that putting this "out there" as such may just spark enough conversation so as to show the ridiculous nature of all these false assumptions about Mr. Obama.
Stephen Colbert does this all time time on his show. He always has some kind of picture depicting Obama as a "secret Muslim terrorist". We all laugh at that. So, what is different about this cover art? Is it because it is not accompanied by comedic banter? Is it because it is on a major magazine publication, whereas The Colbert Report is "just on Comedy Central"? Even the "fist bump" has become almost a democratic salute! Everyone is doing it now as a joke to emphasize how absurd it was to call it a "terrorist fist bump" in the first place.
Sigh....
Let's just hope this cover does what it was indended to do...hold up a mirror to the negative detractors to show them just how idiotic they are.
Why is a funeral or memorial service considered a "developing story"?Errr, the person is already dead!If anything, that story line is more like decomposing.
T Boone Pickens is going to build the worlds largest wind farm.Expect to see someone try to own the wind – or sell wind options.Maybe all the windbags can now become productive members of society?
If there are more hostages being held by that militant group in Columbia, why are we sensationalizing how they were "fooled"? Fool me once you go free.Fool me twice you get dead.Oh, I see, I get it now. THAT would be a developing story.
Why does it always take a "study" to tell us something that we already know?Just once I'd like to see the headline "Study reveals previously unknown facts."
Some airlines are starting to remove things from the planes to save fuel.Unfortunately it is not the annoying passengers.US Airways has announced it is removing the in-flight entertainment systems which add 500 pounds to the weight of the flight.Great, leave me with the annoying passengers and no headphones. Well, they were once called Agony Air.
The G8 agreed to cut emissions in half by the year 2050.This is much too late.It is already too late.Talk about closing the barn door after the horses have died!2050 is 42 years from now – tell me, what will a child born today have to look forward to?
I wonder if people will start to "foreclose" on their behemoth vehicles when they can't sell them or afford to fill with gas.No, wait – insurance fraud will be a more profitable alternative.Damn, maybe we should start burning down all the Mc Mansions?
A man in Japan has died from too much work.This is a true story.He was working on developing a hybrid version of Toyota's Camry line.Talk about pressure.Can you imagine?
Will Samuel Jackson's next movie be "Tick's on a Plane"?Look for it to premiere on a United flight – assuming they leave the in-flight entertainment systems.Oh, wait, the ticks are already on the plane.How much do they weigh?
In the eyes of a foreigner, the dollar is so cheap now. It goes for 2-for-1 against the Pound Sterling and is at about $1.60 against the Euro.Expect more outsourcing companies in India to open offices in America.The term is "near-shoring" and this has already happened.America is the next low cost processing center – just watch.
Some banks are now going to offer people a debit card that is linked to a 401(k) (Very true story.)This makes the mortgage industry predatory lending practices look like goodwill – now we will have "shoot 'em in a barrel lending".Anyone who does this is too stupid to live. But wait, we'll need them to fill all the boring near-shoring jobs. Problem solved!
One of the New York City Waterfalls
Current mood: film editors ROCK!
Category: film editors ROCK! Art and Photography
I took still shots from the Staten Island Ferry and edited them together in this oh-so-crude teeny weeny movie.
This is just one of the New York City Waterfalls that has been constructed along the East River. More information is available at www.nycwaterfalls.org
When our humanity is no more......
Current mood: no words can describe
Category: no words can describe Life
.......where can we go? I guess only straight to hell.
Any staff member anywhere near that emergency room should be fired and loose their license. Hospital management should also be fired. This has got to be one of THE most inexcusable inactions ever.
The media is also out of line here. The fact that this is available on video is even more disturbing. Is there no indignity we will not watch?
Apparently the 49-year-old psychiatric patient collapsed to the floor of King's County Hospital on June 19, and according to the videotape, two security guards with the hospital saw her and did nothing to assist the woman. Also on the tape a doctor apparently walks by the waiting room, looks in and keeps on walking.
The videotape shows the woman laying on the floor moving her legs, and then trying to get up before she died. After about 45 minutes from her collapse, a nurse apparently kicked her to see if she responded and discovered she was dead.
The New York City Health and Hospitals Corporation released the following statement:
"It is clear that some of our employees failed to act based on our compassionate standards of care. Immediately after the incident was discovered on June 20, and following a preliminary investigation by HHC staff, HHC President Alan D. Aviles directed the suspension and termination of those involved. The case and video surveillance tapes were immediately turned over to a number of health oversight agencies, medical misconduct boards and law enforcement.
For the past year, we have been making improvements to the psychiatric program at Kings County, including adding more staff, improving crisis management training to care for patients in distress and expanded space to address the overcrowding. As a result of this tragic incident, we will put into place additional and significant reforms to help ensure the care and safety of psychiatric patients under our care is not compromised."
Got Milk?
Current mood: amazed at our stupidity
Category: amazed at our stupidity News and Politics
We are a society of retards.
An article in today's NY Times describes a new milk carton design that "are cheaper to ship and better for the environment, the milk is fresher when it arrives in stores, and it costs less."
Ok.Cool - Another green innovation.We could use more ideas like this.
However….
Consumers are reacting like retards.Feedback quoted in the article include:
Why's it in a square jug?
Why's it different?
I want the same milk.
What happened to my old milk?
It spills everywhere.
It's too hard for kids to pour.
Come on!When did a child ever pour from a gallon of milk and NOT spill it?Why is our society so reluctant to change a simple package?!
The milk I have seen for sale in Germany is sold in short, square, paper cartons, probably about a quart, that are unrefrigerated. I've never seen a gallon jug.
Europe also has other innovative milk packaging products.In the UK, they recently introduced Eco Pak , a milk bag!Hey if the folks in the UK can figure out how to pour milk from a bag, you would think us stupid Americans could deal with a redesigned plastic jug!
Or how about the "Major Innovation Award for manufactures of Ecological Products 2007" – a liquid dairy package made out of 40% chalk!!It is kind of half bag/half carton.The company, Ecolean , has a virtual showroom that demonstrates how to pour from the carton. It IS that simple.
People, if we are to economically survive as a society, we have to embrace change – not shrink away from it.So, stop being retarded and go out and buy milk in the new weird carton.Its just one small green step to oil independence!
Wednesday was another slow day at Elgudzha Koyenishvili's liquor store in a strip of shops on Lincoln Avenue in the small-town Staten Island neighborhood of Grant City.
At noon, Mr. Koyenishvili locked up and went around the corner to Josef's Barber Shop. "On the sides a little bit shorter, on the top a little bit trim, and that's it," said Yuriy Bababekov, who had been cutting Mr. Koyenishvili's gray hair for five years. "Not too short."
In front of his store, Lincoln Liquors, Mr. Koyenishvili, 67, shot the breeze with Miguel Aponte, a street mechanic. He asked him to check the brakes on his Toyota. "He heard squeaks," Mr. Aponte said.
Just before 8 p.m., Mr. Koyenishvili made a sale. Kevin Greene, a retired grocery seafood clerk, came in for a bottle of Bacardi rum. "I was talking to him — 'How was your day?' — just making conversation," Mr. Greene said. "He said it was O.K."
Another man came in a few minutes later, the police said, but he was not a customer. He pulled a gun. There was a struggle, the police said, but Mr. Koyenishvili, who had a baseball bat, was outmatched. The man shot Mr. Koyenishvili at least twice in the chest, ran out with the cash register, and sped off in a blue pickup truck, said Detective Joseph Cavitolo, a police spokesman. Mr. Koyenishvili was pronounced dead at Staten Island University Hospital.
That was Wednesday.
Thursday unfolded differently. In the morning, the police found the pickup truck in Midland Beach, about a mile from Mr. Koyenishvili's store. Its owner told them she had lent the truck to a neighbor, John Lanorith, 40, whose prison record includes at least two terms for burglary. Mr. Lanorith, who neighbors said worked as a plumber or possibly a mechanic, was picked up by the police at his home on Kiswick Street, a narrow run-down bungalow with a sagging roof and an old Chevrolet Monte Carlo in the yard.
By lunchtime, he was charged with Mr. Koyenishvili's murder. Later, the police said he was also charged with criminal possession of a weapon. They said they did not know how much money was taken in the robbery.
Mr. Koyenishvili's friends and relatives were at a loss to make sense of his death. "He gave his whole life for his family," said a man who identified himself as Mr. Koyenishvili's nephew at the Koyenishvili house a few neighborhoods west in New Springville. "And for what?" He burst into tears. Mr. Koyenishvili left a wife, two children and two grandchildren, neighbors said.
Mr. Koyenishvili had run Lincoln Liquors for at least 10 years and always worked alone, surrounded by bottles of spirits and photographs of his grandchildren and an extensive display of wines from his native country, Georgia. He did not seem to mind the leisurely pace.
"He said he liked to get out to work, even if he just sat in his store," said Eddie Castella, a regular at Partners Pub down the street. "He said, 'I want to keep busy. It makes me happy.' "
David Tepper, who owns a pizzeria nearby, stopped in regularly. "Every time you went in he was either playing solitaire or reading a book," Mr. Tepper said. "If he had $40 in the register I'd be surprised."
That did not stop people from trying to hold up the store. "There were three guys who came in to rob him and he locked them in the store and fought with them," said Dan O'Byrne, the manager of Partners Pub. He said there had been at least three other attempts in the last couple of years. "He caught a beating a couple of years ago," Mr. Tepper recalled. "He got hit with a couple baseball bats."
In Midland Beach Thursday afternoon, Mr. Lanorith's house was guarded by a police car. Up the street, a woman at the home where the blue pickup truck was registered declined to answer questions.
"We don't know nothing," she said. "Take your cameras and get out of here."
In New Springville, Mr. Koyenishvili's son was in no mood to talk, either.
"I don't want an interview, please," he said. "I just want to bury him."
