Thank you...
Current mood: thankful
Category: Friends

Last night, I was reminded of what I have been feeling but not "noticing" about myself for a while. Too much pain has emerged around my heart and wrapped it's loathsome self around every person in sight and at the same time, causing me to have some very rebellious actions and loss of emotional control.

There are two friends of mine I need to thank from the bottom of my heart and these people I hold extremely dear and will NEVER let go of. I will never betray and I owe so much of myself to... that it hurts.

To You:

What you said about being as proud of me as you are touched me like nothing else could. I knew you meant it and were not bullshittin' me. This is a part of you that I have always wanted but never got in the past. The strongest/equal of me there is... that is that very part of you. You told me that ever since my Dad had passed away, you've seen me really pull my shit together and get out of the slump I was in and that I really have it all in order and I'm not longer sinking.. I am rising. Above. Above it ALL. Getting another car - a better one. Getting another place... of my very own. Holding down a good job. Paying for everything on my own and plus dealing with all the other stuff I'm dealing with and taking it on with full strength and conviction. "Focus - Keep your eye on the ball, Jen".... is what you said and I cannot wipe those words, and the way your words went through my soul, out of my mind. You didn't know this when you were saying it but even though "he" (and you know who! hahaha) was making snide remarks and making us laugh... I was wiping away tears just listening to you... with the biggest smile on my face I've ever had. You also have made me realize my very own worth and how much I deserve... which surpasses anything I ever expected from you.

Your advice cannot be compared and neither are you. You can NEVER be duplicated and you are this side of the moon.... I hold dear. Even if/when I argue with you, I listen to you and will never ever stop. No matter what happens, you will always be able to count on me. Grab the booze and dial my number! hahaha.... let's giggle for a while.

Knowing what I've been through, and knowing what you have been through, has made us stronger through the years and our love has grown through shades of beautiful colors... so much so that no words can describe and we are both very lucky and fortunate to have the kind of love that is spoken and felt no matter the distance. You seriously are my best friend. Thank you for listening to my "diaries". Thank you for being my "shoulder to cry on". Thank you for being my Strength, my Rock, my Equal, my Buddy, my former Lover, my Marine and my Success. Most of all, thank you for just being there. Without realizing it, you have pulled me through the worst parts of my life without ever saying a word. I love you and always will.

I owe you so much for pushing me and never giving up. You never did. I also know... you never will. You have always seen in me things I never could see...until now.

If she does not treat you right, I will stick my foot up her ass! (not kidding) Way to go, baby! You deserve the fucking world... at your finger tips!

You KNOW who you are.....

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Now, on to YOU:

LOL! Oh my God, what can I say? Your humor and sarcasm even through my tears have kept me from going completely insane. You were there through our prior days/years, through our relationship and through our disaster. You have never let me down and have given so much to me just by being there when I needed you, the most. By listening and giving me so much advice... different advice then I am used to at times and had to think about but you would always put a comical twist in everything.

When you picked up the phone to just listen to my voice shake that morning, it really bonded us and I don't even know how to thank you. We come from the same side of the tracks. Both of us struggle and use comedy to supass all of the demons and lighting strikes around us. You made me realize when I was out of line and when I was "blabbing" on and wouldn't let go of the past. You pointed out my strong points and made me feel beautiful, sexy and charming even when you were down and out. There is not one thing you cannot count on me for.

Why you were there for me so much and still are, I will never quite understand but ever since the very first time we talked when he played that trick on me, I could tell you were special and the type of person I could become very close with. Afterall, look who our mutual friend is... hehe.

You know I will support you through whatever you go through and want to do in life, even as your friend. You know you can truly be yourself with me and never have to worry about judgement or being ridiculed. You are a very good man with a lot of promise for the future and your girlfriend (fiance) is very lucky to have you. I mean that! (conservatively) :)

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Words have become blank in my mind and the setting of the sun persists into my heart. The dawn will rise with each passing day and each breathe I take beneath the stars, I send a wish... to you and you...

Love remains... In every variation.

- Jen

1:09 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

I’m confused....
Current mood: amused

I mean no disrespect, but, is this his way of saying he likes me? LOL! Guess, men have come a long way from the sincere (1980's)"Hi, you are very pretty, my name is _____. Would you like to go out sometime?" to.................the......................(2000's) "You're popular on Myspace because I said so, and I'm SO modest... haha!"
.................................. and this e-mail I just received below (2008):

Body:

11:43 AM - 15 Comments - 7 Kudos - Add Comment

A Must Read for All Men & Women
Current mood: enlightened

Ok ladies... how many times have you found yourself "falling" or having feelings for a man you have just slept with, even once? And, men... how many times have you noticed this pattern in women, yet, you do not feel the same? As a matter of fact, the "feelings" you may have had PRIOR to having sex with this female are non existent all of a sudden?


You both wonder what is happening and try to figure out ways of "reversing" the current situation but no matter how many times you apologize to her.. or how many times she cries to you... nothing changes. It just gets worse and eventually you stop talking all together. There is something women contain in their make-up called OXYTOCIN. It's also known as the "cuddle hormone" or "sex drug". Most men call it the "crazy, psycho-bitch". Whatever you want to refer to it as, just know it is COMPLETELY normal and nothing to be afraid of or even fight.


There is a reason for this natural occurence. When a female has sex with a man (no matter how long a time or short of a time she has known him) she will automatically gain a "feeling" or more for this man, WITHOUT even realizing it. Before she knows it, he is seeing someone else and WHAM ... she goes OFF aka TRIPS! - Right, fella's? - Yep. Ok, Gentleman: Have you ever wondered WHY you have all these amorous feelings towards this lady before you sleep with her and then it just goes away suddenly? This is because you have a very high level of Testosterone with a very small amount of Oxytocin (which, yes guys, you DO have). The trouble is that there is a constant fight within your body. The Testosterone is fighting off the Oxytocin (when there is no emotional attachment to her) in your blood stream which can cause an abrupt cease to any feelings right after your orgasm.


On the other hand, ladies.. you get JUST THE OPPOSITE because there is a very large amount of Oxytocin in our bodies that gets set off during intercourse and usually traps us after an orgasm. Men believe we have just gone MAD after sex and that it means we are unstable but the truth is.. we are normally supposed to be like this as nature intended it. It is basically to calm us down and attach us to our mate for the purpose of becoming a Mother. Some men are reading this and laughing because they do not think it's all that true but, yes, it is. Do some research if you do not believe me. The women who have this natural ability of getting "attached" after sex with a man have their hormonal balance in check. It's the women out there (in the minority) that do NOT contain enough of the Oxytocin level and have more Testosterone battling it and winning that are hormonally imbalanced. Good news for men! (haha) <-- Thought you would laugh at that.


If there is any man that is reading this that is looking for a woman to settle down with soon, be careful and choose your women carefully. You do not want someone that is too insecure BUT you also do not want someone that has an over-abundance of Testosterone running through her system because that is not a very good mix. More than likely, there are many things not right in her chemical make-up and "settling down" to become a mother or even a loving care giver will not be in the "the cards". It's the balance we all need in a potential mate.

I am very glad, as a woman, to have found all of this information out that is naturally and scientifically been proven and is now being let out to the general public. I feel very liberated and free because all my life, I have wondered and been very baffled of why I would get these attachment feelings towards a man after sleeping with them and I didn't even see a good reason to BE WITH THEM. The feelings would just crop up like an arrow embedded in my heart and my chest would literally throb when I saw him with another woman after just making love to me. It completely threw me. I would ask him all the same questions I asked the guy before him ... "Why don't you want to be with me? What did I do wrong? Am I not pretty enough for you? What about the sex, wasn't good enough?" I mean.. LADIES.. YOU NAME IT I HAVE FELT IT AND ASKED IT. But, it's really nice to know that there is NOTHING wrong with any of us. I realize what the cause is and now I know exactly what to do to not let this happen again. Men, you should still be paying attention to what I am writing as well because you have a responsibility in this subject as well. And, don't you DARE say you don't. Takes two to tango, sweetheart. Enough with all of us acting ignorant over this, we know now.

Well, this is the conclusion... Men, if you are REALLY SICK of women falling for you after you have sex with them, but this is the only thing you want.. go for the women that have a very high level of Testosterone and are not prone to attachment through sex. These women are usually extremely active in sports and act just like men do on many different levels. They are easy to spot and do not have children, most of the time. Some do but it's a rarity. Unfortunately though, most of the men reading this will just go for the women that are prone to falling for them because it's an EGO booster and it drives a man's self-esteem up the wall. But, I know there are men out there that really do not want to attach someone and play with their emotions. Good for you, guys. :)

My advice to the ladies like me... Get yourself a guy that becomes a great friend to you and, over time, when you have established the EMOTIONAL connection with him and he really wants to spend a lot of quality time with you, having sex with him should not hinder the situation at all. As a matter of fact, at this time, it might even bring the two of you closer together because since he loves you as a friend and has a deep connection with you, his Oxytocin levels will be HIGHER and able to fight off the Testosterone during ejaculation. Sorry to put it so bluntly, but it's true. Very true.

Here is an example that may be easier to understand: Sex to a man is like Whiskey to a Drunk. If you hold back the Whiskey (which is their "candy"), you can bide their time with beer (which is their meat and potatoes) = love. Sex is a man's FIRST and NATURAL Primitive instinct. Love comes second to them. Give them a beer and watch them stock up their "fridge" with it. Do this for about a month or so... let them get attached to the "beer". Then, when they are good and really LOVING that beer, give them their Whiskey and watch them CHERISH it even more so then if you had given it to them in the first place. Men are a lot like children and any woman reading this that is a mother knows exactly the point I am getting at. Men, you do, too. ;)

This is the relation of me with other women in this world and my acknowledgement of how to deny myself pain in the future. This is in no way meant to put down men or women. It's just the truth and I feel more people need to realize it and be aware of it in order to prevent so called DRAMA that, honestly, everyone dislikes.

Sadly, I know some noodle brain out there will get a hair up their butt and decide to create an anti-oxytocin drug to slip in women's drinks at clubs, parties, etc., along with women doing anything to grab it off the internet and have it imported to them because of the "love" they are feeling for a man long gone. Just like they tried to do with "cloning". This may sound all fine and dandy to some of you and like a great idea but think about it... would you men really want all women to act JUST LIKE YOU? Not have any attachment feelings and start losing what men loved about women in the first place? The love, compassion, giving nature of women and their natural instinct to care for children? No, I do not think so. There is a simple solution other than drugs for women: MASTURBATION. It's not bad, I like it and I do it. Yes, I admit it... and no, I am not ashamed. I would rather do that then to get hurt. It's the way I hold myself back from something I do not want. Self control is tough but it's the best thing you can do for the long hall. Of course, as I am typing this, there is someone out there that has already made this horrid anti-oxytocin drug but just has not yet slapped a label on the bottle.

Women, I know some of you can relate to this one: "Hey hun, you do realize that by not having sex with me, you are DEPRIVING your body of what is naturally instinctive, right? It will hurt you to not have sex." Therefore, what do we do? Believe it and crawl in the sheets with them after just having been manipulated EMOTIONALLY into sex. This is why I am writing all of this because I want each and every one of you to see the warning signs. Do not lie to yourself and say you can just have a physical relationship with a man when you know you cannot. The majority of the female population cannot. Men, do not fall for this lie, either. Not unless, like I said, she is half man (excuse me on that) but, it's just the truth. 100%, full blooded females with emotions and feelings in balance and are FEMININE will fall in some sort of way.

The more we all know about this subject, the more intelligent we can become and all grow together as a team in this world. The end.


Note: These results are based upon the majority of the population. Individual results may vary.


- Jen

12:07 PM - 14 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Random Things from a Random Person (Email I got)
Current mood: calm
Category: MySpace

Below is an e-mail I received just tonight and, with their permission, decided to post it because I thought it was one of the most interesting ones I've ever gotten. In more ways than one. Needless to say, I enjoyed it. :)

Subject: Random things from a random person

Body:

9:08 PM - 4 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment

Oxytocin/Sex Drug/Orgasm Brain Scans
Current mood: froggy
Category: Romance and Relationships

The first two links below explains what happens to women that are normal during the act of sex and motherhood. This is nature's way of calming women into submission of love and raising children. We are not crazy, guys. It's natural... just all depends on how you act upon it:

http://www.oxytocin.org/oxytoc/index.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxytocin

The link below are about brain scans ran on women and men during orgasm and reveals the amount of "shutting down" the brain will do and reasons why:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9175998/

9:19 PM - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

How sweet the sound
Current mood: confident
Category: Writing and Poetry

I stood outside and listened to the church bells across my street playing Amazing Grace. That beautiful song struck me in a place I dare venture anymore and if reminded me of what I have. But, it also reminded me of what I do not have.

So many friends have come and gone and sometimes I wonder why. Why were they even in my life if all they do is go away in the end? Then, I start realizing the things they have taught me, or... while I watch them from a distance, I notice them living out something I taught them.

 At times, it's deeply distracting to actually dive into the core of yourself to think of why events occur or what everyone's position in this life really means. We are all looking for some kind of selfish gratification latching on to what we can gain from that person feeling as though we have to make a connection with everyone that comes across our path. The fact is, just noticing someone or someone noticing you can give you everything you need, at that moment.

Our memories can play games with our minds and hearts. Powerful energy radiates from within replaying the movie script of that beautiful past time, regardless of what it entailed or how it all ended. We rebel against that memory and wish it away because we feel as though it is too much to "take" when, in all actuality, it is our voice inside telling us what we "need" in the future. The more we ignore that inner voice, the more we deprive ourselves of what is good for us.

Think about it, what makes you feel bad and tugs at your conscience and what makes you feel good, motivated and driven? Whatever it is, do not pretend it is not there to fit in with what your next-door neighbor may be doing. Just go for it and trust your "gut" to show you the way.

The reason I mentioned the song above (Amazing Grace) is because it just happened to be a song that brings back certain memories for me in a "feel good" way and tugs at me. Besides that, it was being played by the Catholic church which gives me an automatic soul cry anyways. A cause of this feeling could be that it is possible I have lost my way. Because of that, my natural reaction is to ignore it. Block it out and pretend I don't feel it. Songs can make us lose ourselves for only a few minutes and put us in a time and place no one else around us is venturing in that moment. Pay attention to that feeling and the thoughts running through your mind at that time. Is there something you miss or someone you miss? Even dance music… it makes you want to move your body, doesn't it? You ever notice yourself tapping your fingers on your steering wheel or bobbing your head back and forth looking like an idiot to the car beside you? Maybe you should listen to yourself and go out that night… or…. Just go home and throw in some more music and indulge that feeling of the spotlight and dance in your living room.

My point is… don't be afraid of the "feeling" but TRUST your instinct. Follow your heart but listen to your head. If there is someone in your life you feel you should make amends to, do it. Never be afraid of rejection and never give up on what you are really after in this life. Pick up the phone and dial that number. Whoever it may be. Living with regret is the biggest mistake anyone can make. It will kill your soul, slowly. Before you know it, you have lost your core, your flare and even who you are. Never be afraid to do what is right … for you. Only fear losing yourself to someone else. You will never fail in this life if you do two things. That is… again… following your heart but listening to your head. Believe in yourself. Others will try and change you only because they are lost and fear that if people around them are not just like them, then there is something wrong with them.

If you find yourself hurting others just to benefit yourself, maybe it's time to make a change and do some very careful soul searching. It is the most beautiful thing to bring up the people around you at the same time as bettering yourself.

4:00 PM - 9 Comments - 9 Kudos - Add Comment

RON PAUL 2008
Current mood: blissful
Category: News and Politics

CONGRESSMAN RON PAUL USED TO BE AN OB/GYN DOWN IN LAKE JACKSON, TX BACK IN THE YEAR 1995. HE WAS MY OB/GYN AND TOOK CARE OF ME AND MY UNBORN SON, MATTHEW, UP UNTIL BIRTH AND I MOVED AWAY. HE IS ONE OF THE GREATEST DOCTORS I KNOW AND I WISH HIM NOTHING BUT THE BEST AND LUCK FOR PRESIDENT!! (He also delivered my best friends baby) :) He is number one on my friends list. Go to his page and  SUPPORT HIM!

Thanks :) You can also vote for him on the AOL poll below:

http://news.aol.com/political-machine/straw-poll

7:18 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

The Glory of a Woman by: Kevin Sussman
Current mood: accomplished

..> ..>

The reason why I entitled this chapter, The Glory of the Woman, is because before you can move forward in pursuing the right kind of man for your life, you need to understand why you were even placed on this earth. The first thing you need to appreciate is the wonderment of the woman's mind being more analytical than that of a man. Most men can only focus on one thing at a time, while the woman's mind practically works overtime. This is why women tend to gossip more than men, and why they seem to love to just talk and talk. You could say that their minds have been supernaturally unlocked, for they are able to dissect and examine every situation in life. It just so happens that it takes this type of diverse thinking to be a good mother here on this earth; it's not only the man who needs support, but it's the children as well who need guidance and assistance.

A woman's spiritual mind, which is the mind of the human spirit, has more contact with this natural world than man. (The clarification of this mystery is by and by construed throughout the course of this writing.) This is what makes the woman's mind so perceptive. What some would refer to as "women's intuition," is simply this vast area of perception. Consider this: If a person thinks every thought imaginable, it shouldn't seem too surprising if at most times, they hit the nail right on the head of what they feel is or might be: such as being sensitive to the subliminal vibes of other people. It's like a multiple-choice test. All the answers are given; it's just up to that person to choose the right answer. The same holds true with the woman's mind. This explains why men need women, and exemplifies the foolishness of men not listening, whenever the woman may speak and advise him regarding specific areas of his life. It's no wonder that in scripture, the word "wisdom" is often referred to as a "her" or as "a woman." Because of this difference of the woman's mind, she can easily get paranoid. This is because the woman has so many thoughts racing through her mind. Not only are you talking about the woman analyzing the issue itself, but you are also dealing with her examining "the point in question," in every thinkable way that the whole matter could possibly be searched out or examined, whether it be in the realm of reason or... Finding Your One True Love It's either fate or fake; it's either complete destiny or complete disaster. Just bumping into someone and having their books fall to where you lock eyes with one another, while shuffling around for the books, is not always fate. That is why you will find the terms, "accident" and "coincidence" in the dictionary. In finding love, one must be cautious of not getting themselves involved with deceiving circumstances. Deceiving circumstances happen when it "appears" to be love on the outside, but actually it's the same muck that you previously stepped in time after time. Either the man or the woman was putting on a front. That is the only explanation for certain occurrences veering over to complete catastrophe. There is a "perfect destiny" for everyone; it's just up to that person to find it. Keep in mind though that if people were robots, a predestined course of events would always work out for their own good. But since everyone possesses a will and freedom of choice, there is always the potential of one ruining what was once perfect. Unfortunately, this is the route that many women undertake in their lives: False fate, she decides to date, she now has hate, time for a clean slate. This is how it should be: True fate, you KNOW that you two should date, you're not irate, YOU just found your mate! If you are a believer of fate, you should know that setbacks or disappointments are either a sign that you are on the wrong track of hope, or that it is not quite your time of harvest. This includes the man you like refusing to say "Hi" to you, or refusing to initiate a conversation. As frustrating as it may seem, this also involves the man taking a strong interest in your best friend. As much of a blow this may be to your pride, self-esteem, and self-confidence, be assured that it is better to be with the right person later on, than it is to have the person that you want now, and be miserable for the rest of your life. If it's meant to be, it will happen. If it's not meant to be, whatever is presently happening at the moment, which may be disturbing to your hope and soul, is a sure sign that what you want is not how it should be. Wisdom: Fate doesn't involve the forcing of your will, but the allowance of the flow of everyday events. " - Kevin Sussman This world has evolved and America's standards are the best.  There are very good reasons for this and if you are not adaptable enough to live in today's society without not realizing mankind has evolutionized, your best bet is to just kill yourself and good riddance. Thanks, - Jennifer

12:53 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Kill Drug
Current mood: blank
Category: Writing and Poetry

When there is something you desire staring you in the face but, yet, you know it's bad for you, what do you do?

Beauty, passion and drive take over your mind. The control you once had starts to fade and you lose all power. A greater force resides amongst the clouds, far away that offers peace, comfort, serenity and grips this desire tighter than a vice. As you know this, you continue on to hit the drug that keeps you alive… that keeps your heart beating… that keeps your lips moving. That keeps your blood hot and thirsting for more.

In between hits, your constant is shattered by thoughts of wonderment and fantasy. Fantasy of the future, of the present and of this new found beauty you cannot seem to resist. What you soon realize is that it is not only you that feels the same… The fact is, so do they. Although, they will let their feelings surface in many different ways, read between the lines because in the end, when you lay your head down, it is written all over the walls. The ink cries and pulsates as it's drying.

Fear is the biggest disappointment and betrayal to mankind, for it disables us from being what we are… from saying what we want… and showing how we really feel. Not only can it eat away our souls, but also it can kill the joy and break down the one person you would give anything for. Unfortunately, we do not realize this until it's too late. Until we have pushed away from us the one thing that gave us so much hope. The past gives us all the fear we resent and "expect" in the future. It paves the way for our actions and most of us are not willing to stop and reflect this of ourselves. Instead, we continue down the same horrific path just "expecting" things to change or to have the ones we care for simply just get molded into who we are today without understanding exactly what we have "become"; And, if that is even okay.

As the situation continues on such a glorious path… the feelings and emotions reach an extreme high. As they do, the danger sets in. The fear sets in. The panic resides and buries it's way into your core setting fire to your soul. It's the inevitable but we fight it. We will fight it because we are cursed under the "written law of society". The one that states we have lost all of our humanity and have to weave ourselves into perfection at all costs in order to be accepted or to be admired. It's the one that tells us we have to keep control of the current situation because "fear of the unknown" is too great of a wonderment to handle and we may "fall" in the end. No one really knows the outcome or the key to success as long as we all continue to trail on the heels of every one before us. Making and creating the same mistakes they did just within a different mind, body and soul. Just like this is continually happening in our sub-conscience, we begin to sabotage the beauty and the "flow" with one thing in mind… Keeping the distance for "fear of"… The Unknown.

If only we could be more secure with ourselves… enough to realize we do not need everyone else around us to live and to be happy, we could be more open and less sheltered to make our own "uninhibited" decisions without worry or regret. The loss of something can mean the gain of something else… entirely different. Or, it could mean your world gets shattered into and you lose it all. But, really… consider this… if you never try and you never take chances, what have you really gained? If you never take risks and always make excuses, what have you learned? Life is a roller coaster. Enjoy the ride even when you're going down… It just may possibly be the best time of your life.

- Jen  

4:19 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Jennifer
Current mood: sympathetic
Category: Friends

There are still many things about this situation I am unclear on but one thing is for sure. My heart is going out to a woman I only met once who is dying of liver failure plus other critical conditions. Her name is Jennifer.

Without going into too much detail, I met her through my ex boyfriend who came to see me for a week and she was someone he has been best friends with for years.. her and her husband. Jennifer was at the hospital and we went and visited her. My God,  my heart broke for her so much... and everyone around me. They had hope back then in late October but now it's different. The situation has worsened. I am estranged from my ex at this point so I really don't even know if she's still alive but last I heard, she was in a coma and the doctors predicted the worst.

My prayers and heart go out to her and I always have her in my mind. No matter what is going on with anyone or anything else. She is a beautiful person and seemed to keep such an awesome sense of humor even in a very very bad situation.

I will continue to pray.....

Jen

11:55 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Dare To Dream...
Current mood: calm
Category: Writing and Poetry

Dare To Dream -

I often look at the stars at night and wonder how far this dark region goes. It seems as though you could just reach out and touch it; feeling the space surround you as you twirl 'round and 'round.

We cannot extend our arms, but we 'can' extend our imaginations. Maybe this is why some things, such as space, leave us so curious. If everything had an answer, we would never wonder, therefore, never stretch our minds and believe in the invisible and the spiritual part of ourselves.

This is a lesson that we are all being taught, day-by-day. Ever wander why we dream? I believe we dream to fulfill the fantasy created in our minds that just seems too far-fetched to live out. We notice around us that so many people "seem" to be living out their dream. Gaining riches, fame, success and glory… But, are they really living out everything they dream of? I do not believe so. After all, our imaginations change shape and form just like the world around us. So do our dreams.

My personal belief on where space ends is simple. It doesn't. We have been molded to believe that there is an end to everything and just because you cannot see it, it does not exist.  Not knowing the ending is crucial to our psyches since there is no conclusion to our brains. The ingenuity of our bodies needs to grow and progress without halter or cease. Even in death, our souls reach out to the great beyond and roam the extremities of the invincible. To be so different in life would just invite internal damnation.

Still fairly young, I have learned how to connect with my spirit and in doing so, have been able to see outside the limits of a simple mind. Your soul lives within you but it also relinquishes the character of a world we are unaware of. The world we dream of. Even throughout our daily lives, our souls dance and sing a tune only our sub-conscience understands. If we ever stopped to listen to the sound of our spirit at play, an oncoming bus would hit us. We would have to bring our bodies and mind to complete arrest just to tap into the opposite side of ourselves. 

This is why I am fairly content with the unknown. The black, deepened hole that contains billions of stars and planets we will never, in this life, know the ending of. There is a sense of comfort and security in not having an ending. If there were a boundary, I would never dare to dream again, for there would never be the amorphous genius for my imagination to explore.

-  Jennifer S.    11/25/07

8:44 PM - 6 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Mental Hospital Phone Menu...
Current mood: exhausted
Category: Life

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU



Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.



Please select from the following options menu:



If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.



If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.



If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.



If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.



If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.



If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.



If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.



If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.



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This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care.

3:11 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Sunshine
Current mood: indifferent

Sunshine lights the world…

Showing her ray

Breathes life into mortal…

As we work and play

Sunshine gives strength

…Vitality and hope

It follows our footsteps…

Wherever we go

To see what is ahead

She brings before you…

Only don't get too close

The heat will destroy you

So lovely this sight

My God…

How bright

Come hither and kiss …

Soft skin, starlight

The moon is her soul

… Always played in control

Drew you near to hold dear...

Kept secrets and fears

Would smile with your riddles

And sing with your fiddles…

Would give you forever…

Always grins, always giggles

Don't eat half of perfect….

Roses have thorns

Sunshine has night…

Every wrong has a right

Two faces of passion

Sewn into one soul

The girl with it all…

You loved to let go

- Jennifer  10/15/2007

7:11 AM - 0 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

I’m Quitting Smoking - Any Advice?
Current mood: calm
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

As of today, I have decided to put down the cigarettes for good. I know that I have done this in the past when I was pregnant but it only lasted (at the longest) a year.

This time, I want it to be forever. I want to watch my kids grow up and get old themselves. I want to be a Grandmother some day and have the full energy it takes to still run around the yard with them and go to their games. I know that is thinking far into the future but I was not put on this Earth to die young or to look old too early.

Don't get me wrong, smoking is a major addiction and anyone that says otherwise has obviously never been addicted to it... or anything for that matter. It is going to be almost impossible, at times, to succeed at this but I will do it. I will do it because I was given the choice... just by being a human being... I was given this right. The right to succeed in life or the right to fail.

There are alot of changes I've noticed as I've grown older and I know alot of them are due to cigarettes. It's a stress relief and a drug. It has been controlling me since the age of twelve and now I will fight. And, if you know me, you know I will win.

I need help though.... so, please... have any good advice or just something to say... say it. I will be going to work tomorrow, which will be my first FULL day of not smoking and on top of that, a Monday...and on top of that.

Once I learn to cope and deal with stress and anxiety on my own without smoking, I will be much stronger to deal with the rest of my life..

Thanks,

 - Jen

10:13 PM - 17 Comments - 11 Kudos - Add Comment

Trains Derail
Current mood: complacent
Category: Writing and Poetry

Trains derail and everyone turns around… just to see the mess

The chaos, the screams, the fire, the smoke and the tears

Only to step aside while others arrive to find what happened here

It only takes a moment to knock it right off the path it was going and

Will never look back.

It only took a moment to stop the locomotive, into the face of another

How beautiful they were … apart

My God, they could stop a heart…

Should have kept the train tracks straight....

Right from the very start

- Jen

8:59 PM - 0 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment