I make contact with a Peeper!!
Current mood: excited
Category: News and Politics

So it finally happened! The unbelievable has come true, and I didn't waste the opportunity to say what had to be said. On Sunday the 6th of July the same peeper who approached me a week earlier sat down, shook my hand and started a conversation with yours truly!

The Bravest Peeper sat down next to me on the steps with his squinty, fake-confidence smile and attempted to come off as a someone not to reckon with, but willing to reason this thing out with me. Let me say that I was so excited when he sat down! And I let him start the discussion, which he did.
"I.. want you to... no post my picture on the internets..."
Now mind you, when he spoke it was quiet, always with that nervous smile, exactly like a weakling pretending to be a threat.
"I want you to not take my pictures no more... to not post me... and what I do.... and you don't post... ok?"
My enthusiastic response was, "No, but you see, this is what I do! I take pictures of peepers, which is what you are. Aren't you? You like to stand and stare up girls' skirts at their panties, right?"
It was so obvious that he was completely overwhelmed by my willingness to take part in an extensive discussion on the topic. I'm sure more than 50% of what I said was completely over his head, but he definitely knew where I was coming from.
"The girls.... they like to be..." and he'd motion at his own crotch insinuating that what they did was on purpose. "They like it. heh heh"

There were two girls sitting on the other side of me listening in , and I was making it easy for them to do so by speaking loudly to him and using complete sentences that included his own words and point of view.
"So you think girls like being peeped? Like even when they're pushing their skirt between their legs and then getting up and leaving the park? You think the girls are turned on by your creep stare?" And the girls next to me shouted "Oh no we don't!"
One of his general responses was a simple shrug of the shoulders and half smile.

Another interesting thing that happened is one of the baby scenesters saw what was going on and ran over and brought two girl baby scenesters over to witness what was happening. They sat down too, and pretty soon there was a tiny audience there watching this priceless exchange.

Bravest Peeper also suggested to me as he did in our previous exchange that "maybe... you enjoy taking pictures of boys at the park" motioning his arm around and giggling a little like he had me, and the accusation was his trump card.
"Haha! So you think someone's gotta be gay if they're not spending all their free time at the park staring up skirts for 20, 30, 40 minutes at a time?"
He shrugged with that smile again.
"Oh, I have a question! Had you ever thought that maybe guys who don't rape girls against their will might also be homosexuals?" I looked around the park suspiciously at all the closeted gays.
He shrugged with a smile again, and the girls next to me were riveted.

He also said to me "iss my problem if I get caught, or if police catch me... thas my pro-blem.. not yourss.. not yourss business..."
"Oh, I don't think you'll get arrested. It's not against the law what you're doing!" I stated all this quite loudly. "What you're doing, peeping up girls' skirts at the park, isn't illegal. What you're doing is just deviant behavior, and it's societles responsibility to manage you people. And that's where I come in!"
I knew he was barely following anything I was saying, but he definitely understood that I was gonna be a complete jackass about this situation, and his hopes and dreams of free peeping were slowly being pulled out from under him.

He held out his had to stop me and said again "I wants you to stop taking my pictures... thas all. Just stop...Okays?"
I sat there and seriously tried to picture me stopping. I replied "I have to be honest. I do not see me stopping taking pictures of you peepers in the park at all. In fact, I think the only hope you have of getting me to stop is coming up to me one of these days, putting up your fists" I gave him a visual of what I was speaking of by putting up my fists much like those old vintage boxers posed with their arms at right angles putting up their dukes, "and saying to me 'You're still putting my pictures on the internets, now I'm gonna fight you.' and fighting me to see he wins, and then seeing what happens from there. I think that's your only hope to keep me from what I'm doing here with you peepers. You know?"
Then I started calling over people who were strolling by and poling them on whether or not they thought girls like being peeped, while pointing out that he was a peeper and thought it was something girls get off .. a while of my smart-alekness and gathering a crowd around to partake in the discussion he finally just got up, said "goodbye" and walked quickly away.

Twice since then when I've come to Union Square he's turned and left the park immediately.
And that's how it went down.
Fun huh??

2:22 PM - 13 Comments - 16 Kudos - Add Comment

The No-Name Orangutan

So yesterday I had the most delightful day out with my girlie. First we went to the Mermaid Parade at Coney Island and hung out with our friend Colyn at the ocean in the sun and shade. Then after a ride through the haunted house, a walk past the freak show, some horrible pizza and all the island's oddities Bobby (yes, that's her name) and I took the train back to midtown and got some decent pizza and hung at Union Square, and what a fuckin' day it was at the Square yesterday!

There were Peepers, and Gravers and baby scenesters, and the Garbage King, and Ram and everyone who comes to the park to entertain me and my darling.

But by far the highlight of the visit for me was when one of the Gravers whom I am quite familiar with from over the past 6 years finally, after many threats and promises to Skater Bob, got the nerve to confront me about his photograph on my site (Amazing Strangers pg 62 "The Evil Twin of Spring Love.")

Ever since I first found out this particular Graver has been going up to Skater Bob and telling him he doesn't know if he wants to shake my hand or punch me in the face and he's got 15 guys who are after me, I have been referring to him as the Orangutan, because he looks like a fucking Orangutan! And the Orangutan has a long history of making a spectacle of himself around town.

Anyhow, the long overdue meeting happened yesterday evening and it was priceless. He started off saying "hey Bob, you don't know me, but I'm on your site and I wanted to tell you a couple things," or something to that effect. (if anyone who was there cares to remind me how this all went down your recollections are welcome, ie Bobby, Richie Rich, Trash & Vaudeville graver, Orangutan, whoever).

I said hello to him and asked him his name to which he replied, "I don't want you to know my name," then he said to me "you have a couple pictures of me on your site and I am going to ask you to remove them. I'm in a band and I can't have pictures like that out there."
To which I replied, "First of all, if you're gonna come to Union Square and make a spectacle of yourself you better expect to be made a spectacle of."
Then he said, "I have a question for you. Do you even know where the word Graver comes from?!"

Jesus Christ! Do I know where the word Graver comes from??
"Yes I do. It's a goth raver."
"Okay, so maybe you know that..."
"I know all about you guys, from back when you were the Order of the Dragon gang at the Cube..."
"Yeah, I know. You've been around since The Cube. We weren't a gang. It was a group of us that..."
"But I read what was written on that electrical box and you were a gang! Okay, you were a club."
"We weren't a gang, or a club, it was some of us who..."
"You sounded like a gang to me picking a fight with the ravers. I'll tell you one thing, I'll believe that electrical box before I believe you! And now you're all in the Union Square FightClub! I read it in the paper!"
"We're not fight club! We never called ourselves that!"
"But I saw it right there in the papers! UNION SQUARE FIGHT CLUB it said!"
"It's not a fight club!"
"Yeah, I know. And the Order of the Dragon isn't a gang and you're not a graver and fight club isn't fight club."

So that went on for a bit, me trying to confuse the matter and such. He preceded to tell me how he'd talked to Skater Bob about he didn't know whether to... "Yeah yeah, I know. 'Shake my hand or punch me in the face.' Bob's kept me up-to-date with all the messages you told him to tell me."
My gf, Bobby, started to get a little riled by his empty threat to maybe one day punch me and pretty much was ready to kick his ass herself. Then he told me to remove his pictures off the site again, and that's when I felt the need to lecture him.
"Listen. You cannot expect to come out to the park like this and make a spectacle of yourself with your Fightclubbing and Order of the Dragon gangs, and not have a sense of humor enough about yourself to get your balls busted. "
"I do have a sense of humor about myself but..."
"Not if you're telling me to take down a picture I took of you."
"Well, I also need to have it taken down because I'm in a band and they reserve the rights to my pictures."
"And your label might sue me if I keep the picture posted?"
"Suing you would be unnecessary..."
"Oh, c.mon."
"And just so you know we're putting a YouTube video about you on the internet to see how you like it!"
"Haha! I love it! I would love if you did that!"
"What do you do anyhow? Sit and take picture at the park all day?"
"You think I wouldn't adore having you guys go through the trouble of making a video of me? And just so you know I also sell Jesus magnets on the internet," I said quite cockily.


So finally, after he saw I wasn't gonna stop with the lectures about him not being able to take a ball busting, he reached out to shake my hand and said, "So I'm gonna do what I said I was gonna do. Shake your hand and say "Fuck You," and he walked away.
And I said. "You better get a sense of humor about yourself. I'm not gonna ask you to take your 'fuck you' back. I don't care!"

And he was gone.
It was neat.
The No-Name Orangutan [click to view his image]

5:38 PM - 11 Comments - 18 Kudos - Add Comment

Peeper almost hits me!
Current mood: Heroic
Category: Heroic Life

I just now returned from Union Square where I almost just got hit by a Peepers!

So I'm there with Bob and a friend of his and of course there's a couple Peepers standing over by the garbage can peeping at two girls in skirts who're sitting a few people down from us. So I get up and walk over behind one of the peepers and snap a picture of the back of his head peeping with the girls in the background.

I sit back down and I guess I was pretty obvious because then the one Peeper who was standing way behind me when I took the picture starts trying to stare me down. He's looking at me with really squinty eyes to where it was difficult to tell if his eyes were even open. [Click to see him!] So I sit there talking to Bob and his friend about Peepers and other stuff and then I look over and the Peeper is scratching his nose with his middle finger, giving me the bird! So I say to Skater Bob "Hey look Bobo, he's giving me the finger!"
And Bobo says, "Take a picture!" like he always says.

So I look at the guy and sorta give the international hand gesture for "Can I take a picture of you?" And he sorta nods his head, but now looking back he was more jerkin his head like someone who's pickin a fight with me for being a wise-ass.

I pull out my cam and he starts walking to me, and I say "No, you gotta stand back if you want me to get a picture of it!" And he comes and stands in front of me (I'm still sitting) and he's not saying anything and I say "What?? I wanted to get a picture of that!"
Then he sorta fake moves his arm at me like he's gonna hit me, but he clearly wasn't, and I didn't flinch, and he walks behind me sorta mumbles something asking if I'm a homo then he walks away, and Bobo is laughin saying "He was gonna hit you Bobo!" (Yeah, we call each other Bobo. I know it's confusing).

Anyhow the guy walks away and is on the other side of the park now, and interestingly enough a couple of the other Peepers go over to him and look like they're mad at him. They looked like they were yelling at him and then walking away angry. I figured they were saying "If you hit that guy all those friend of his will do whatever, yadda yadda yadda" but my girlie said it was more likely them mad at him for not hitting me.

I'm not exactly sure what will happen if I get hit by a peepers, but I'll be sure to fill everybody here in if it happens.

Currently listening : Selected Ambient Works, Vol. 2 By Aphex Twin Release date: 1994-04-12

5:59 PM - 22 Comments - 31 Kudos - Add Comment

Richard Dawkins booksigning tonight

So today I’m going to go meet Richard Dawkins at Barnes & Noble for his book signing this evening at 7. I have to admit that my biggest hope is to see if I can get him to pose for a picture with a set of the Jesus magnets. Think he’ll do it? I seriously have no idea, but it’d make my day if he did.

And last night I went to Vasmay to visit my friend who’s a bartender there and I paid for the first beer, but after that she gave me the rest for free. Anyhow, she got me so drunk that on the walk back home I gave a dollar to a stray cat.

10:07 AM - 12 Comments - 18 Kudos - Add Comment

Kentucky Dream

Last night I had a dream that I was in Kentucky, not in costume, at a diner of some sort. I was there at the counter eating with some of the folks at Electric Devil (whom I've yet to meet in reality) and I had taken out a couple of my GOD IS FAKE flyers so they were sitting in front of us while we ate.

Then I remember one of the waitresses (an older lady) reading it to herself and showing it to her boss, while we just kept eating and talking amongst ourselves. Then a few minutes later a policeman came in and started talking with the waitress and her boss and a couple other people while I watched, both confused and half smirking. Then they pointed at me and the policeman came over and asked if the flyer was mine. I said "Yes, it is" and he immediately asked me to put my hands behind my back so he could handcuff me.

At this point I flew into a rage! I started yelling at the cop and the others in complete disbelief, demanding that they give me an explanation before I even considered complying. I was shouting "You've got to be kidding me! Why? Because it gives another point of view?!? Because it's different than you?!?! You're all adults here! Explain yourselves!!! Explain what you're doing!!!"

They were completely dumbfounded by my disobedience. They were all starring at me like they couldn't believe I was talking back and questioning their authority! Now that I write this out I'm realizing that it's the exact response I got a few years back at Union Square when these Christian ladies had their 13-14 yr old children come up to me with their pamphlets and I refused to take them saying I want no part of any belief that teaches you can have a paradise while other humans burn infinitely. The mothers came over trying to figure out what was holding up their children's progress and I told the parents the same thing. I said, "Look at all these people around you with different beliefs than yours. You can have a paradise while they and others like them burn, and at the same time praising the god who allows it? It's disgusting." And the mothers pulled their kids away with the same expression on their faces as these people in my dream. In fact I wanna say they were even the same ladies in my dream.

So I was going off on a tangent (in my dream) screaming about how insane they're being and shouting about the same contradictions I write back to hate mailers, and they were all speechless while the officer handcuffed me and took me away.

I never shout like that in real life, but here in this dream I was inconsolable. I was so angry and I shouted everything without fear or hesitation. Then I woke up totally infuriated at the way they were treating me! It took me an hour or so to get it through my head that it didn't really happen and it was just a dream.

Anyhow, I thought that was interesting. Worth its own blog.

4:37 PM - 8 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Jesus Dressup is 2, beating out Wikipedia!
Current mood: Excited!
Category: Excited! Life

Type in "Jesus" into Google and guess who's not only 2, but also beating out Wikipedia! Yes, I really am this easy to please! Does that mean people care more about my dressup than the actual definition of Jesus? I realize that there's no controllable logic or understandable sense to the decisions Google.com makes on a daily basis, but this one makes my day.

That all said, lemme also trumpet the visit to Kentucky I'm making in a couple weeks! Boy am I excited to go there, and they're excited as hell to be hosting me that weekend! I've never been to KY so I have very little idea of what to expect when I get there. I do know that I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get a tattoo at Electric Devil Tat (the place that's hosting me), and I have to admit I'm only partially decided on what I'm getting, and where. I'll let you all know afterwards.

Anyhow, I just wanted to let you all know I'm here still, I just haven't felt like blogging anything until now. Google Jesus. I love when this happens.

2:27 PM - 13 Comments - 16 Kudos - Add Comment

Difficulty with Dreamweaver and HTML Scripting
Current mood: frustrated
Category: Web, HTML, Tech

I am presently designing a new dressup/treasure-hunt page that's bigger than anything I've done before, but I'm discouraged at the moment because Dreamweaver always seems to have problems updating their software so that it works perfectly.

Is there anyone out there who knows html/java well enough to assist me in fixing my game page so that it works like I want it to? – Like i know it can because other dressup games I've made with previous versions of Dreamweaver have done these things I want.

The issues:
1. The "restore image" feature on rollovers. I'm having trouble getting images to restore after a rollover.
2. Images below other images (using the layers feature) pop through the layers above them when clicked on. I am wanting it so the layer above has to be moved before they can be grabbed.

These two issues are screwing up my game!

My apologies that I haven't written a blog in some time and now that I am it's all this tech stuff. But it's very important to my world of inappropriate dressup games.

Thanks you.

9:34 PM - 4 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Medusa’s Circle tomorrow!

Hey people, tomorrow is the magnet signing at Medusa's. If you're anywhere nearby you should totally come! We're on the guestlist for the after party at Neo, and the whole night looks as if it's gonna be fun as hell.

All the info is there on my main pic, or just go to this link if you haven't already:
http://www.normalbobsmith.com/tour/intro.html

I'd love to see you there.

3:08 PM - 4 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Translate my hate mail please.
Current mood: confused

Any help translating this?

Teri maa ki gaand
Suar ki aulad
Haram ki nassal

10:15 AM - 25 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Horny.
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

Christ, I'm fuckin' horny. This always happens when I go on vacation away from home and I don't know the psychology of exactly why that always is. Right now I am in Chicago in a completely sterile coffee shop on Broadway with a blandest holiday muzak killing any mood this place couldn't have without it, and all I can think about is sex. What the fuck? I mean, it is pretty typical of me to always be thinkin' about sex, but right now I am REALLY thinking about sex. I feel like I could direct and star in the greatest porno movie ever! And of course I'm also sitting here drawing a pornographic nun dominatrix dress up game which feels like a mutha fucking brilliant idea right now. You should see the naked, bald, stacked nun with sleeve-tattoos and stiletto heels I've got sitting in front of me right now. You'd understand how "focused" I am.

It also doesn't help that lately I've been getting some way too fucking hot girls messaging me on Myspace, and I'm not talkin about those spam webcam chicks with fake profiles. No, it's REAL girls who love me and my site, putting me in their top 10 and explaining to me all the things they'd like to play together with me if we lived in the same time zone. I also am subject to this horniness this time of year because the holidays are when I make the most money selling magnets with more freelance jobs than I can handle, and I feel like a total winner, shooting my confidence through the roof which makes me horny too.

But enough! Christ, Bob! Chill! The main reason I'm writing this blog isn't to tell you how sexually charged I am right now. No. The reason I'm writing this blog is to tell you that while I'm here in Chicago I'm going to be doing a magnet signing at a store here in Wrigleyville called Medusa's Circle! It's a really cool fucking store that's been selling my magnets for many years now, and my friends Pier and Lora own it, and Trisha and I thought this would be a great opportunity to have an event, make a scene and have a little bit of evil fun! I'm gonna be there from 7 to 8 pm this Thursday, and I think we'll have schoolgirls there too, and I'll be giving away a set of magnets to any girl who shows up dressed as a schoolgirl! Yes, I will be there in the tux as Satan, so if you wanna take a picture with me I'll have a smile for your camera.

Also, we're planning on having an after party to follow the signing. If you're available you should totally come out with Trisha, Pier, Lora and I. It'll be a fun, drunken night of sin. I'd really adore it if you came. I promise that wherever Pier, Lora, Trisha and I go follows a very fun, outlandish evening, so a night of adventure is promised. Especially if I'm as horny as I am. Only big trouble in store. So stay tuned for more. I've got big ideas for this evening.

7:15 PM - 11 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment