nasa -- north american sleep association
Current mood: amused
do you remember that video for van halen's song "right now"? no? well, here it is... .. it's still awesome.
anyway, long about the 3:41 mark of the video, there's a screen that reads "right now, our government is doing things we think only other countries do." i'm sure this was meant to be political by sammy, alex, mike, and eddouche... but not for me. i try to stay out of the realm of politics in this here blog for the most part. although if our government really is doing things we think only other countries do with what i am about to write about, we are all gonna be super happy.
yeah. super happy. "super happy"? genius level iq and that's all i could come up with? damnit.
so my friend patrick sent me this link today. it is for a cushy government job. and i do mean cushy. can't hardly wait? is the suspense killing you? are you thinking about that jennifer love hewitt film? are you just thinking of jennifer love hewitt? i am. but if you're not a straight dude or a super awesome lesbian you're probably thinking about what this amazing job could be, right? here it is.
THERE IS A GOD! also, if you're the slightest bit clever, you'll notice the application for this job. how awesome is that?!
Adventures at Harpeth Financial Services, volume 20
cast of characters: immigrants: immigrants who are visiting the naturalization and immigration lawyer across the hall. super hot paralegal who works in the law office across the hall (or SHPWWITLOATH): super hot paralegal who works in the law office across the hall me: moderately handsome. at least moderately handsome. striking on my good days.
enter me... walking down hall way towards my office. SHPWWITLOATH: [to some of her boss' clients and clearly not to me] "can i get you anything to drink? water, coke, anything?" me: [passing by] "how about a margarita? it is cinco de mayo." SHPWWITLOATH & immigrants: [stop and stare at me]. me: "i'm just kidding. how about a beer?"
Adventures at Harpeth Financial Services, volume 19
Current mood: geeky
cast of characters: laurie: accountant, resident complainer, hits on me all the time. me: is there anything i can't do?, resident awesome-er, avoids our accountant's rampant sexual advances.
preface: laurie and i (and a few others from the office) ran in the country music marathon this weekend past. laurie had a minor disagreement with the asphalt long about mile marker 12.9 as she was coming down victory lane which inspired a very RUDY-esque moment... some random strangers helped her cross the finish line, bloody face and all: sean astin would be proud. i can hear the chants now... "laurie! laurie! laurie!"
enter me into main office: me: "hey, laurie... here's a bill from Day or Night Towing." [distracted by some free swag on the main desk]. "oh, hey... what are these?" [these being these: ] laurie: "oh... i don't know... they're like little bags or something." me: [gives laurie the 'ohhhhhh, really?' look] laurie: "you know, those would have been awesome to have during the race this past weekend." me: [referencing her clumsiness from said race] "oh, you mean like for band-aids and antiseptic and stuff?" laurie: "yeah, like for... hey... smart ass." me: "i'm totally kidding. what we could do, though, is put like little tiny people in there for fun." [has an epiphany] "like kevin pollack in Willow!" laurie: [actually getting my pop culture reference] "yeah... that would be kinda fun!" me: "or, you know, since those guys don't really exist, we could put very small parts of real people in there." laurie: [stunned silence] me: "might get a bit messy, though... poor humans..."
Adventures at Harpeth Financial Services, volume 18
Current mood: hungry
cast of characters: casey -- vp of human resources, leaving company in three weeks, has already checked out. me -- jack of all trades, officially moving over to new position in three weeks, never really checked in.
preface: in the past week or so, i have been dilligently training on the ADP system. it sucks. but i do get to wear a neat headset that makes me feel like a cross between a phone sex operator and a pop singing sensation... every man's dream. but it is rather intensive and i can't really be disturbed during muh training, so i made the following sign to hang on the outside of my door:
enter casey into atrium... casey: [knocks softly on my office door whilst i'm in training] "hey, stephen..." me: [points to sign] casey: "oh, sorry... i didn't see that there. i'll get at ya later." me: "wait... do you have a burrito for me?" casey: "no." me: "oh... bummer."
it’s business... it’s business time
Current mood: busy
i guess there are some perks to having my new job... i mean, other than the pay and title increases.
i'm doing this training on a system called ADP -- Automatic Data Processing. and let me tell you something... it's about the most archaic piece of shit that i have ever used... well, except for when i was in Stats 215 in college and had to use this program called The Statistician that (I kid you not) was originally developed on an Apple 2. i kid you not.
aside from doing a ton of online training over the past week or so, i actually have to go and attend some classes in person. this is not something that i am a fan of doing... for the most part. i know, i know... you'd think i'd want to get out of the office, right? well, that part is correct... but it puts me behind on doing the whole "doing two jobs at once" thing that i've got going on now. blogging not withstanding. it's in my contract here at work. <-- that's a lie.
anyway, our VP of HR came up to me and informed me that there is a multi-day training seminar that i have to attend within the next four weeks. and, here's the best part, none of them are in nashville. my options: atlanta chicago new york i don't have any details yet as to dates and availability of this seminar but as soon as i find out, i will let you know... here's hoping for NYC... 'cause i know how much farron and the kibbe would want to see me.
business trips. with expense accounts. and reimbursements. sweet deal. i'm getting all growdsed up.
alright... the training for the physical challenge of 2009 will soon be underway. i've been told it's a good idea to take some time off (at least a week or two) from running after doing what i did on saturday. no complaints here about that!
starting in early may (and continuing internationally in ireland -- yes, i had to throw that out there), i will begin training for next year's challenge: a week's worth of hiking in Colorado. that's right... i'm gonna climb some 14,000-feet peaks.
i was originally planning on using the bulk of my vacation time next year to drive out to california and back to go eat at In and Out Burger because everyone keeps telling me how good it is... but this seems like a much better idea.
anyone want to come with? if so, let's start training!
I know I don't normally write about anything personal anymore - I think that the last thing I posted in here was about the death of my grandfather several months ago. But I guess this is the way this one is going to be.
I don't like church. I flat out don't like it. I haven't in years. I haven't been "active" in church since... Damn... Sophomore year of college. Back when I found faith to be easy and childlike. Back when I was dumb or na�ve enough to think that most churches didn't want money and that they didn't want to grow and they didn't want a big projector screen in the sanctuary to lead worship. I'm not here to convince anyone that they should or shouldn't go to church for any reason. I'm not here to try to prove the existence of God. I'm not here to preach. I AM here to tell you that whatever god you may or may not believe in has never asked for your money and has never asked you to do anything for it. Hell, it doesn't even say that you have to choose to acknowledge the existence of a diety. And that, to me, is pretty amazing.
At any rate, those of you who know me personally now that I don't attend church regularly. For me, I get infinitely more out of fellowship (for lack of a better word) over a few pints - to the point where loose lips that would sink ships come about. A few months ago, a friend of a friend of mine thought that she saw me at church the week that my grandfather passed away. To me, that would have been... I guess hypocritical. I feel bad for myself so I'm gonna go to church when I never go voluntarily? Naw... I don't buy it. I know my faithual (it's a new word that I just made up) limitations. I would feel like complete shit if I said "oh, hey God. it's completely convenient for me to need you now.". That's not faith.
That's convenience. And that's ugly convenience at best.
Worship is not something that you just do. It's something that you've got to mean. And, as cliche as this might sound, hearing and singing along to Thrice this weekend... That was worship for me. Hearing thousands of people cheering at the end of the marathon. That was church. Hearing that my dear friends Tom and Candace were at the hospital in the hopes and attempts of delivering their baby (outcome pending) today. That is joy. All that... THAT is church for me. It's not a building. It never has been.
I'm glad I don't have most of the answers - I'm glad I am never going to tell anyone how to live their life. I'm glad that I still find church as I've attempt to define it is still relevant in my life as rare as it might be.
I've still got so much to figure out. But I can say that without grace, I am nothing - the kind of grace that let's me get mad at everything I claim to love and still be loved in return. And I DON'T mean by just God or by just god or by my friends who I too often treat like shit. And that... That is unfathomable to me.
"But grace can still be found within the gale; with fear and reverence raise your ragged sail."
That's right. I finished. Despite hitting a proverbial wall right around mile number 10 or so and having to slow waaaaaay down for the last 3 miles, I feel I did very well. I finished just slightly behind my projected time (whatever that means) but for me it certainly wasn't about that.
I noticed that while I was trudging along, how many people were wearing shirts "in honor" or "in memory" of people. I mean, it was just amazing to me the sheer number of people who were running for someone else, as it were.
Call it naiveity, but I had NO idea that so many people ran for someone else. I certainly had no frame of reference because I had never done anything like this before. And maybe because I hadn't the thought had never even occured to me to run for anyone else but myself.
As I was crossing over the Woodland Street Bridge, I neared LP Field -- the finish line. There was going to be no way in hell that I was going to cross the finish line by mere jogging no matter what my knees were telling me. And honestly I wasn't the only person who felt that way about their performance. I noticed that EVERYONE picked up their pace. For me, I don't know if it was pride or what... But I felt that I HAD to finish as strongly as I could.
For the whole race, I had been running with my iPod blaring. I could occassionally hear some folks cheering (by the way, people who randomly cheer for others are pretty amazing). As I ran down the appropriately named Victory Lane all I could hear and see was a tunnel of complete and total random strangers cheering. I mean they were LOUD. Loud enough to practically drown out my music. And these literally thousands and thousands of people were cheering for folks like me who were about to finish in 13000th place (or whatever it was... I'm not really sure as I haven't had a chance to check it out online). I can't really explain what it was like... But I can tell you that this is easily one of my proudest accomplishments. Ever. It ranks right up there for me with graduating from college. Or getting my first "real" job.
If you would have told me three years ago that I would have entertained the idea of running a half marathon, let alone training for one, let alone successfully finishing one, I would have told you that you were completely nuts.
And, yes, this is the most physical pain that I have been in in I can't remember how long. My knees feel like they are going to explode (even 7 hours after the fact and after I have iced them down). My hips feel rusty. I have blisters all over my feet. I never really felt out of breath, though, which amazed me.
But I would do it again. And I WILL do it again next year. Maybe a little faster, though. : )
There's no real way to describe it other than it's both the about the best and worst experience of my life. And I've got the medal to prove it. I'm told that there will be pictures up online by Monday and you better believe that I'm gonna get some of those.
Yeah, this whole entry might sound haughty and self-seving and egotistical, but I think that I've earned it. As a matter of fact, I know it.
I do feel pretty epic. Not quite as epic as the THRICE show last night, but pretty close. Hehehe.
i’m half the (bearded) man i used to be
Current mood: exotic
today, i was intending to have a very simple blog: i was going to write about how excited i am about tonight's THRICE show and was probably going to post a video from youtube and that was going to be it.
but, no. this is going to be much more epic than that. by the way.. "epic" = word of the moment. can't figure it out.
i've taken to watching a little bit of "Mike and Mike in the Morning" on espn2 while i am getting ready for work. it's entertaining, it keeps me up-to-date on the opinions of folks around the world of sports -- causing me to delve a little further into nerdiness, i know. it's a good time, though, and i don't really care.
anyway, one of the Mikes will occasionally (and seemingly randomly) play a short clip of enrico iglesias' song "hero": .. posted for two reasons: 1.) jennifer love hewitt's right boob 2.) jennifer love hewitt's left boob you're welcome.
as i was walking out of my room and over towards the bathroom to take a shower this morning, i was singing the aforementioned song. i continued to sing it the whole time i took a shower... and those of you who know me in real life know that i am quite the showertime vocalist/performer. i need only to direct my doubters back to the "i'm standing in the baaaaathhh.... and i'm takin' a shoooooooower" incident of december 2006 which ended up with me on my ass feet sprawled wlidly about the tub with water cascading down on me.
i finished my shower and (luckily, as you shall see) put on my underpants. i stepped out of the bathroom (still singing, mind you) and saw a young woman standing near the front door. this was vexing because it was not either one of my roommates' girlfriends. i figured that either: 1.) i was about to get murdered, or 2.) there was a porn about to made and i was the unwitting star <-- this is in dreamland, by the way and at any moment my second grade teacher was going to show up riding a horse and telling me that we had to go a basketball tournament. i prepared for the worst. unless it was going to be death by snu snu which would have been the way to go.
"hi," she said. "my name is [insert woman's name here because i was focused on how she was going to murder me]. i'm chris' [my roommate] friend. my husband is getting our stuff out of the car."
it all made sense... "they're in town for the half marathon. i totally get it now." i thought. then i realized that i was standing in my underpants. normally, this would not be an issue. i also realized that i had been singing an enrique iglesias song very loudly. also, not an issue.
no, folks... the issue arose when i remembered that last night i shaved off half of my beard. half marathon = half beard. makes sense to me: [is that what my head really looks like from the side? hmmm...]
what an introduction! and if [insert woman's name here because i was focused on how she was going to murder me] didn't want me for snu snu by then, she wasn't ever going to. i mean, she could have left her husband whom she loves for a guy who looks like he's gonna drive a camaro over to a middle school and lure children near with the promise of cigarrettes.
i·ro·ny /ˈaɪrəni, ˈaɪər-/ [ahy-ruh-nee, ahy-er-] P –noun, plural -nies. 1. the use of words to convey a meaning that is the opposite of its literal meaning: the irony of her reply, "How nice!" when I said I had to work all weekend.
real definition: getting a burrito from qdoba for lunch and then going to the nashville health and fitness expo afterwards so that i can "officially" register for the half marathon this weekend.
suck it, webster's. my definition is way better. also, i get to eat a burrito and get to stay on the clock while walking around a health and fitness expo (hopefully without burrito residue on my shirt which is a distinct possibility) and enjoying free gatorade and powerbars.
amused
geeky
hungry
busy
exotic
