You Know What, Though? Part 2
Category: Life

1.  It's common knowledge that people who are in pain will, if you let them, hurt you.

So we remain on guard when dealing with a hurt-up individual, making sure we handle them with care and whatnot, right?

But because we're human, and every situation is different,

Sometimes, despite what our heads know,

We slip up and allow ourselves to get hurt by this hurt individual.

We know they're unwell, and because we get our psychoanalysis on, we even know the exact cause of their dis-ease.

We know why they did what they did, and said what they said.

We examine, analyze and dissect all day,

but the whys and wherefores don't do a damn thing to stop the bleeding.

Nope, not a thing--you hemorrhaging all over the place.

The analysis makes you feel better.

But ultimately, it does nothing for the injuries you suffered at the hands of a hurt individual.

2.  Attention all wives and girlfriends of men in this business:

I know y'all together, Boo-Boo.

I saw y'all come in together, I see the rings.

Yes, I know your husband, but trust me, it's only in the professional sense.

This is not a competition.  I am not a threat to your marriage or your mortgage, Mama.

I don't wanna be stepmother to your li'l nappy headed--but gorgeous--children.

I'm just talkin to the man about how we can all make some bread, so help me help your situation.

I don't want him, honey, I just wanna work.

Me and you can even be friends!  I'm real nice if you don't come at me on no tomfoolery.

So, Madame Insecurity, I beseech you

Calm down.

Stop making your li'l comments. 

Yes, I'm smiling at your man, but trust, I'm not flirting, so stop walking in between me and him as we talk, and stop asking me dumb shit.

Please, Ladybug.

Before I place my foot squarely between your two front teeth.

3.  I'm busier now than I've ever been, but a good portion of my day is spent reviewing the work of other people.

I sit through films, tv shows and radio shows, read articles, scripts and excerpts, look at EPKs, and listen to beat after beat.  I've got beat CDs from so many "producers," I'll need the rest of my life to get through it all.

While some of this work is really good, quite a bit of it is straight up horrible.

But I still make it a point to respect the artist enough to give it a shot.

I still respect the effort enough to call or send an email to the artist, complete with questions and critique.

It'd be nice if I was paid that same consideration, but from the looks of things, I better not hold my breath.

4.  I think I'm good just being Untee.

5.  As I move forward, people from my past lives keep resurfacing.

While I'm glad to see that they're alive and well, most of them make me flinch. 

6.  A few years ago, at the lowest point in my life,

A man with several degrees and almost forty years of life experience on me looked at me in all my distress and said,

"You know, you're a very powerful person!"

At the time, I had no clue what he was talking about. 

I mean, I couldn't create what I wanted most, and I couldn't fix what was broken.  His words made no sense to me, because I had never felt more powerless.

But today, as The Vision unfolds before my eyes, the power Dr. Whatshisname was talking about is more apparent.

And as I speak things into existence, I get a little closer to becoming one of those "everything happens for a reason" people.

The purpose of it all is abundantly clear, and I'm in awe as the things I said I would do become my reality.

Power, indeed.

Now, I just have to keep going.

11:22 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

They Called Him Handlebar Head
Category: Life

Handlebar Head Reed to be exact.

It was a nickname he didn't seem to mind, but one that I always thought was a tad mean.

I didn't call him that.

I, like most of the girls, called him T.R.

I know it's cliche, but T.R. was really one of the nicest guys you ever wanted to meet.

When I was a senior, he was a sophomore, and his brother Brandon was a freshman.

T.R. was the son of our basketball coach-turned-principal, but no matter who his father was, he still would have been a star on the court.  In his senior year, T.R. led our school to the 5A state championship.

Turns out that post-Birmingham-Southern, T.R. was living and working here in ATL.

He was supposed to get married this weekend.

Matterfact, he was headed down I-75 in Cobb, on his way back home to Mobile to get ready for his wedding, when he lost control on the ramp to 285 westbound.

I walked in to my part time gig at 6 AM yesterday, and all the monitors were talking about the double fatality on I-75 at 285. 

We reported it all morning, but of course, you never think something so horrible could happen to someone you know.

Especially not a guy like T.R.

Rest in peace, Thomas Reed.

And peace to Coach Reed and your family.

11:34 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Scotty, Beam Me Up
Category: Life

I tell myself there's nothing wrong

But I can't stop grittin my teeth.

Pray for me, y'all.

11:45 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

You Know What, Though?
Category: Life

Take 1

1. There is absolutely no substitute for the empathy, voice, and arms

Of someone who's Been There.

None.

2. One last time:

I'm done with weird relationships.

I'm done with awkward and stilted conversations.

And I'm done repeating myself, too.

3.  In my dreams, I am well spoken.

I never offend, I always say the just right thing to make the other side see my point of view, and I always make sense.

Yeah.

In my dreams.

4.  Sometimes, I look back on things I said or did in my youth, and I cringe a little.

Then, even though I know better than to compare myself to other people, I look around me and see people older than I am, doing the things I did when I was 18.

And I don't kick myself so hard.

5.  This is my favorite Britney song. 

Yeah, I got a favorite Britney song, nigga.

And?

6.  There's a very fine line between being honest—telling someone something they may not want to hear--and being insulting.

Assholes don't know where that line is, and they cross it on the regular.

7.  It's so good to be remembered fondly.

8.  I hate that I'm as old and naïve as I am.

9.  I also hate that men in my line of work feel entitled to my personal life. 

If they're not asking invasive questions about it, they're wanting to become a part of it.

If you don't allow them to become part of your personal life, or if you're simply not their type and they can't look at your headshot and immediately want to date and/or fuck you, there are certain men in this game who behave as though your work doesn't even exist. 

That's right, boys and girls.

The quality of the work you do, your extensive resume, and letters of recommendation from respected elders in the game are all secondary to whether a man sees you as fuckable.

Oh sure, they fall in love over the phone.  The Voice hooks em every time, and they can't wait to work with me and be friends and have lunch. 

But they see my photos before meeting me in person, or meet me in person and--despite my best efforts, and despite my winning, sparkling personality--they don't like what they see, and suddenly, all bets are off. 

That wellspring of work they couldn't wait to throw my way when we were on the phone has suddenly dried up, and my calls are not returned.

Nevermind the fact that the man in these situations is never my type, often resembling a cross between a gaboon and a borilla. 

Forget about the fact that I wouldn't fuck the man in question with my worst enemy's pussy. 

Banish from your mind the idea that my work has a national audience and speaks for itself.

None of that matters. 

The harsh reality is he doesn't want to have sex with me, so he won't hire me to do the work.

I can't really talk about it without getting pissed off, but trust me when I say that The Opposite is even worse. 

It's absolute hell for a hambeast ass dude to develop a crush on you when all you're interested in doing is working. 

Oh, CreatureFeature 'can't wait to work with you,' too.

But despite the work mysteriously never materializing--just like the other scenario--these losers still wanna call you all the time, and they still wanna "have lunch." 

Yeah.

I hate that men in my line of work feel entitled to my personal life.

10.  There are people in my life that I love, trust and regularly thank G-d for.

But sometimes, even they can't relate

don't understand the journey, the doors through which I'm being pushed,

for this journey is beyond the realm of their experience.

Mind you, that's not a diss—it's beyond the realm of my experience, too.

But with every step I take, I'm learning.

And I get so frustrated trying to explain what I'm doing and where I'm going and the problems I'm facing along the way to people I love who don't or can't see The Vision, to people looking with human eyes at what is clearly a spiritual situation.

I have to learn to let go of the heated explanations, because no matter how I say it, there will be always be people I love who don't, and likely will never, understand.

And I have to learn to allow myself to be misunderstood.

2:39 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Solitary
Category: Life

The isolation is killing me.

I have never been this misunderstood in my entire life.

I need new people! 

Nobody gets it.

I am in so much disbelief right now.

When I'm less discombobulated by the stupidity, I might be able to form more complete thoughts, but suffice it to say that my mind is blowed right now, yo.

2:40 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

New Digs?
Category: Blogging

So I'm trying out these new digs over here at Uber.com.

I don't know if I like it, but that super long post that I couldn't put here?

It's over there.

I'm able to include all the links and whatnot, but the fonts be all screwy, so I don't know what else I'ma put over there.  Don't write this page off just yet, but here's the "new" address.

If you're reading this page, you're here for a reason, so I humbly request that you not share this address:

When it comes to web stuff, I'm way past illiterate, so bear with me. 

Once I figure everything out and have the time (LAWD!), I plan on posting some original music, some exclusive pics that hopefully won't be all over the negronet, and vlogging a li'l bit, too, so if you give a damn, stay tuned.

 

1:08 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Okay. Player.
Category: Games

Disclaimer: The names have been changed to protect the Negroid (hell, the Caucasoid, too), but, like everything I post here, the following is a true story.