What Do You Say We All Take a Trip Down to the Victory Garden!?
Current mood: sleepy
Category: Parties and Nightlife

If I've said it once, I've probably said it thirteen or fourteen times: My friend Chris is not just one of the best writers on MySpace, but one of the best writers anywhere. If that doesn't mean he deserves more readers, I don't know what does. A lot of you deserve more readers. Shit, we probably all do. But Chris only has a couple people over at his traveling circus, so if you have a minute or three, we'd both appreciate it if you would head over there and be a part of all the beautiful madness.

And by the way, just because his writing is better than mine, that doesn't mean you have to stop coming over here when you're done reading his disasterpieces. We are brothers in arms, so I consider this a package deal. If you're friends with Meat, well then you're friends with me. So please do me a dead solid perfect and don't forget about me. (I'll be alone, dancing, you know it, baby.) Take your time over there, but at least come back every once in awhile and tell me I'm still in your hearts. That's all I ask.

And while you're at it, take a few more minutes (if you have 'em) and add all the kind people who comment on my blogs everyday. They are some fine motherfuckers and motherfuckettes and deserve to be celebrated. Even the guy with the lime green toupee.

And now, the message from the man himself which prompted me to post this here thing:

For the 30 or so of you who have been kind enough to pick me up again, I'd like to firstly thank you.

Chris (last name withheld by Jon to protect us from those who are not awesome)

Currently listening : You’re Good Enough You’re Smart Enough, and Doggone it, People Like You: Guided Visualizations by Stuart Smalley By Al Franken Release date: 1993-04-27

1:33 PM - 4 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

the TM Files Part IV: A Heavenly Body Trapped in the City of Sin
Current mood: lucky
Category: lucky Romance and Relationships

   Tiffany McCourt was far from a saint. I don't know if saints even exist anymore. But Tiffany could be as sugary sweet as anybody you'd ever met, and she could also be as evil as any other lover who's ever broken your heart and left without a trace. You know who I'm talking about. I believe Dr. Sex Mahoney, Esq. said that "everybody gets one". But they're all different. And I feel like I just started talking about mine.

   No matter what Tiffany could be on the surface, I was convinced that there was an angel trapped inside of her. Maybe an arc angel. Maybe she was the death angel that Tom Araya's been screaming about all these years. I'm not attracted to the traditional angelic being anyway. That idea doesn't do much for me. I like girls with flaws. I like real girls. No real girl I know is that angelic. But I still have a certain idea of what an angel is, but it's hard to describe to those who have never met the angels that I have fallen in love with. They have all had an angelic quality to them, but their individual versions were all one of a kind. I'm sure you feel the same way about your angels. Those sweet, divine things.

"I could have sworn that you were an angel; 'cause you're a sweet, sweet, sweet, divine thing; but I should have known that you were the devil; dressed like a sweet, sweet, sweet, divine thing." -- Soup Dragons "Divine Thing"

   Perhaps I was just swayed by her exterior. As corny as it sounds, Tiffany was the owner of quite the heavenly body. Like most beautiful, tortured souls I've come across, she had no idea. She covered it up with unflattering clothing. She always wore black. But the black wasn't so bad because it kind of fit her personality. But that didn't matter all that much because I fell in love with her before I knew her body was so heavenly. That was merely a bonus prize. It was like I won the showcase showdown on the Price Is Right and came within 100 bucks of the price and won both showcases. Tiffany's body was arguably better than the original showcase. But I couldn't have had one without the other. Plus I was so flattered that she even wanted me around. The first showcase was the one I won on my own and was most proud of. The second showcase was just icing on the cake and holy shit did I enjoy licking that bowl.

   As I mentioned before, when I fell for Tiffany, I was a virgin. The fact that a girl with boobies was even talking to me was a wonderful thing. An amazing thing. Virtually impossible, was the way I saw it at the time. But it was happening and I was trying not to smile so much, because I was having the time of my life. Even Jennifer Warnes and David Cook would be jealous. But nothing compared to the first time I saw her naked.

   First off, I couldn't believe she was even disrobing. There's a girl in my apartment and she's digging me and she digs me so much that she's taking her clothes off. I remember her taking her sweater off and I could see her skin glistening and her erect nipples were visible through her bra. I don't remember what I was thinking, but it was probably something similar to what Beavis and Butthead go through while watching Mariah Carey videos. Then she asked me the most awesome question of all time as she took a swig of Budweiser or whatever cheap beer I convinced the Middle Eastern guy at 7-Eleven to sell to my underage ass.

   "What would you do if I spilled this beer on myself?" asked Tiffany. I couldn't help but giggle like Urkel. "Uh...I guess I'd have to lick it up..." I replied. I couldn't think of any other logical response. It could only have worked better if Kiss' "Lick it Up" was playing on my Aiwa soundsystem at the same time. She said "Hmmm...." or "Oh!" or some other one syllable response. It didn't really matter what she said. What mattered more was that she was smiling at the time. She could light the world up with her smile, which was unfortunate because she didn't smile enough. They never do. But soon I wasn't focusing so much on the smile because she started to take off the bra. I think this would be the point where Beavis' head would just explode.

   This is where the evil, sweet, angelic Tiffany reveals her flawless nipples which are soon covered ever so perfectly with the aforementioned cheap beer. Her body was like a waterfall or something and I was like thirsty and stuff. So I licked the beer off her nipple. It was the first nipple I remember licking. All those years of watching porno must've paid off, because instinct took over. I licked all the beer up from nipple, to chest, to neck, to chin, all the way to lips, at which time we commenced with one of the most awesome make out sessions ever recorded in the history of make out sessions. Fuck what Peter Falk tells you. This was right at the top.

   I don't think she took my virginity that night because she was still feeling guilty about it, or whatever. It was like she thought I was too good for her and to me, that was exactly the point. I didn't know what I was, but I enjoyed being good for her. I wanted to be the best thing she had going for her. I wanted to rescue her from eternal heartache and misery. I wanted her to sleep in me forever. Not just occasionally fade into me. I wanted her to use me as a fortress to protect her from all the bullshit in the world that was trying to harm her. All the stuff she couldn't avoid. All the weaknesses that would eventually catch up with her. I wanted her to only remember the good times. But a troubled mind is hard to change. Permanently, anyway.

   But I feel fortunate that I got any time with her. It truly was a miracle. She came along at a great time. They always do. Whenever I'm lost and not sure what to do next, something good will happen more often than not. And she was one of the best. Probably one of the worst, too, ultimately, but I wouldn't have known that pain if I had not experienced some of the ultimate joys with her first. But she wrecked me good. Her love and her departure from my life were both as bombastic as the fireworks that have been rattling my mother's house for the last few hours.

   But for tonight, I'm declaring myself independent of any negative thoughts. I'm only going to remember the good shit tonight. Just like I wished Tiffany would. Like I have dreamed that she must do every now and then. She's got to have those moments where she thinks about me and how good I treated her and how she wishes she got more of it.

   I'm far from the best. I've made so many mistakes. I have regrets. I'm human. I would change so much if I could go back. But it's healthier to embrace the positives and for tonight, I'm going to do just that. I'll have days where the negative will creep in. Probably in the next chapter, for all I know. But there is one thing I know for sure that any negative thoughts cannot negate. As far as I know, (I don't know what happened after me) nobody loved her like I did. Nobody loved her better. Nobody loved her more. That's the bottom line and even Stone Cold Steve Austin would agree with that.

   I think we're all suckers for a bit of romance. I'm not always romantic, but there's a time when I know how to turn it on. And I think all women want it at least some of the time. I think we all get to a point in our lives when we figure out where we stand on the issue. Some people say they hate romance, but who doesn't want to be loved and pampered like crazy at least some of the time? Not everyday, but at least a healthy amount of time. I, myself, love it. I figured out at a young age that I liked the romantic stuff a lot. There are times when I don't engage either, but at other times it's a very important part of my gameplan. Except that it's not a gameplan. It comes naturally. With Tiffany, I had to work really hard. And there were times when she loved it so much. And the rest of the time she didn't know what the fuck was going on. I like to think that I was her moment of clarity at times. But I couldn't do it all the time. Maybe she found out down the line that those romantic moments were some of the best she'd ever had. I mean we had some pretty radical moments, too, that would never be mentioned as romantic but were equally awesome. I mean we're all thrillseekers, too, to an extent. But I wish she had grown up while I knew her. I wish she knew what she wanted. I wish she knew what she needed. Even if it wasn't me.

   I just wish there weren't so many questionmarks. I wish the picture wasn't so fuzzy sometimes. I wish she could always have thought clearly. But that was who she was at the time. I was incomplete, too. We all are at age 19.

   But the point, as always, is that there was too much good to go around at times. And for tonight, the rest of the night, anyway, I'm going to remember that. I'm going to hold on to those happy times and those positive memories and I'm going to sleep and dream on them tonight hoping they will stick with me for an extended duration. I should know better, but when I get like this, I don't want to come down. I just want to hold onto the happy times for as long as possible. So just let me have that for tonight at least. Thanks. I knew you would understand.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Part I: About a Girl
Part II: No Code
Part III: Gambling on a Whirlwind Romance

Currently listening : Lick It Up By Kiss Release date: 1998-09-01

1:21 PM - 12 Comments - 14 Kudos - Add Comment

Fall Back: Behind O’ the Times
Category: Life

There are a lot of things that are up in the air as it pertains to my life right now. But a few things are official:

I'm officially in Hawaii. It's good to be home, even if I don't really know what the fuck I'm doing here. I'm officially jobless and I'm waiting until I get a job before I get a car. For now I have to borrow my mommy's. Pretty embarrassing, yes. And when I say "pretty" I mean "very". But hey, you have to do what you have to do when you're trying to start your life all over again. I don't know what kind of job I will get. To be honest, pretty much anything that occupies my mind will be fine at this point. And any car that gets me to that job will suffice once I get that job.

I'm officially behind the times. You miss a couple days here on MySpace and it's like you'll never catch up. So many good blog entries and reviews of movies I haven't seen yet. I'm going to do my darndest to catch up, but I'm also officially stricken with a case of the blahs and therefore I don't feel like doing much other than taking a walk everyday and looking at the beauty surrounding me. I think if I had a car I would want to do a lot more stuff, so I guess I can't wait to get a job so I can afford to pay off my car with the money I make there.

I'm officially an idiot, but most of you already knew that. My back gave out on my last day in Tucson and I had to leave a bunch of stuff in the apartment and I feel horrible about it. I left them a sorry note and a 50 dollar bill because I was running late. I almost missed my shuttle bus to the Phoenix airport because I was limping around. We had to chase down the shuttle bus and flag them down and beg them to let me on. It was just like the movies. But I'm seriously disappointed with myself about the state I left the apartment in. But I did leave a few valuable things behind that they can sell on Craig's List and make money off of. (TV/DVD Player/CDs, etc.) I'm just hoping they don't sue me or leave me a scary voice mail or something. I'm hoping the deposit I left when I moved in will take care of any cleaning costs. I felt pathetic about it for the first couple days, but I can't really control it anymore. I guess I never really could. I didn't know my back was going to give out. But I like to think I'm more responsible than that and I wish I could have proven it to them.

So how's everybody else doing?

Currently watching : Falling Down Release date: 1999-10-26

11:01 AM - 27 Comments - 24 Kudos - Add Comment

Ask Me (I Won’t Say No, How Could I?)
Current mood: boom shakalaka
Category: boom shakalaka Blogging

The extremely lovely and infinitely talented Stacy (hubba hubba ) just virtually spanked me...ur...I mean...um...tagged me. Yeah, that's the ticket!



It's pretty simple. Just ask me anything. You can ask me multiple questions. (I actually would prefer as many questions as possible, but it's entirely up to you. Even if you don't feel like participating at all.)

Not only are personal (re: "sexual") questions completely acceptable, but they are "deeply" encouraged. But ask me anything you want. Something serious. Something silly. Something erotic. Something moronic. Anything. Seriously. Or not seriously. Just ask. This should be fun if not interesting or interesting if not fun.

And don't worry. I'm not going to tag anyone. I don't feel like getting shot at this juncture.

I'll answer the questions on a later blog. Probably in like 3 days or so, because I'm moving in a couple days and it will give my readers who usually comment later time to ask me something. Thanks.

Currently listening : The Best of Tag Team By Tag Team Release date: 2000-04-04

3:08 AM - 12 Comments - 22 Kudos - Add Comment

(a quick one) Writing vs. Blogging: There is a (huge) Difference
Current mood: calm
Category: Blogging

I remember a quote I came up with a while back that I like to use every now and then. (I'm sure other people have said it before. I'm not claiming that I created it.) That quote is "I'm a writer, not a blogger" and I have always taken pride in that.

I said that in the blog before this one and a couple people said that "we are all writers here". I respectfully disagree with them and that is not too bad of a thing because the people I'm disagreeing with just so happen to be excellent writers. Not bloggers. If I read and have read your blogs for an extended period of time, feel honored. I consider you all to be great writers and you transcend the mere, icky term of "bloggers". When I think of "bloggers" I think of people like Tila Tequila. Being a writer is a special thing and is not a title for just anyone. Anybody can blog. It takes a special talent to be able to write and write well and so many of you fall into that category and I don't think we deserve to be lumped into categories other than "good writers". I'm tired of all these great talents getting unnoticed and underappreciated while people like Perez Hilton get rich and (in)famous.

By the way, I also cleaned house the other day. Got rid of a lot of "friends" on my list. Probably about 100. Most of my friends are bands and comedians anyway, I think. But for those of you who made the cut, congratulations. There was something special about you that made it mandatory for you to be there. Don't take it lightly, because I didn't take the process lightly. You should be proud of yourselves for being real and for being you. Individuality is awesome. You are good people and that's why you remained on my friends list. So don't cross me, son!

Okay, I said this would be short, so I'll wrap this up with some things I wrote in the comment section of the blog before this one that would otherwise probably go unread. It was my response to the lovely dude and dudette who said that we are all writers here. Have a good day, everyone and enjoy your lives.

"Not at all. At least I don't think so. There are clearly some who are bloggers. Ones that pander to audiences and want to be popular and seem to do all the right {NOTE: I meant to say "wrong" here. Yep, I'm an idiot.} things. Just because I've weeded those people out doesn't mean they don't exist. Being called a writer is a privilege and some people simply don't deserve that title. You, of course, are the epitome of the term, so you don't have to worry. But stop being so kind. There's a big difference between bloggers and writers as far as I'm concerned."

"I don't remember saying all of us are writers here. I like the personal side, but I also look for quality. I don't like to read stuff that is heavily poor on the grammatic or vocabulary side. A combination of quality and personality is probably the best, but I'm not looking for a bunch of good bloggers. I'm looking for writers that inspire me. I think there is a huge difference. If you think 90% of us here are just average or bad (maybe a little high of a percentage) then that's exactly what I mean. The people who are bad (I don't consider any blog I'm subscribed to to be "bad", by the way, or I probably wouldn't be there, or I might stay because I tend to be loyal) are not writers in my opinion. Just because somebody plays catch in their backyard doesn't mean they're a ballplayer. So everybody that picks up a pen or writes a blog isn't a writer.

I'd like to think that I'm a good writer and also have a personality. As far as writing goes, I think I might choose good for myself over personable. That's probably because I know I'm personable in real life and don't always need to prove it with my writing. Sometimes it's impossible. If I'm writing satire or in a goofy or cynical mood, my personality may be misinterpreted or hard to even see, but that's kind of where this all stemmed from. I just read an article provided from my friend James in which it says that 40% of all e-mails are misunderstood. Imagine how that percentage might grow when you throw creativity into the mix. It's something to think about. An e-mail is more personal and to the point. But when writing, it can go in so many crazy directions. It doesn't always have to do with the cut and dry aspects of personality or communication. When you write you don't want to be held back by boundaries. You want to be free to say whatever is on your mind. If only everybody saw it that way, things would go a lot smoothly around here and maybe in this world."

Currently watching : The Rock: The Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment Release date: 2008-06-10

8:11 PM - 32 Comments - 32 Kudos - Add Comment

Doowutchyalike
Current mood: sweaty
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

   There are not many things in life I consider to be "important". Most of the things I stress out about are things that other people or society have deemed to be important. I think life is too short to consider many issues to be too heavy. It's not a fun way to live. There are too many fun things to care about and those are the things I prefer to focus on.

   There are times when you have to be responsible and those things that are no fun at all must be dealt with, but it's important to let them go as fast as possible and get back to all the fun stuff. At least that's how I like to look at things. Obviously, it isn't always possible to do this, but I try to do it at least the majority of the time. That's why it's been so nice to not have a job over the last month or so. I've had more time to breathe, think and write. It has made it so much easier to get through the break-up and now I'm almost washed myself completely clean of it all and now I'm nearly ready to start all over again, as nervous as it all makes me to think ahead to what will be happening over the next few months to a year. It's all up in the air. It is exciting and simultaneously wacky as all get-out. But pretty soon I will be forced to get a job and think about some of those so-called important things again. I hope I can at least find a fun job for now.

   But I also have come here to speak on what I actually do find to be something of utmost importance. It is probably one of the most important things to do and remember, if not the most.

   I pride myself on being original and diverse. When I was young, it used to bother me. People didn't get me. I got a lot of funny looks. But over the years, I have embraced it. Especially when I started expanding my artistic horizons. I realized that a lot of the world's greatest artists had similar attributes. Being an oddball could be a plus. Being different was cool. And I have no choice. It's who I am. I don't get along with everybody. I don't speak to all audiences. I enjoy taking risks and talking about the stuff that makes me happy and interested, even if nobody else cares. But I do like it when you do respond to it. It's a rewarding experience, for sure and I appreciate every view and comment that I get. It makes things a lot easier when you know at least a few people get what you're doing.

   I'm not a blogger. I'm a writer. I'm not a movie reviewer. I wouldn't mind being a music journalist, but I don't really consider myself to be any of these titles. I just like writing about many different topics because I have a passion for so many diverse things. I'm not trying to steal anyone's thunder. While I'd love to do this professionally, I don't write to be popular. I do hope at some point I gain some sort of popularity because that would probably dictate some sort of success, even though the same could be said even if you're not so popular.

   Basically I'd just love to do this for a living and be able to live comfortably. I don't need to be rich. Just comfortable enough to have a lovely place to lay my head, a car that gets me wherever I need to go and enough money to eat out occasionally and do other fun stuff and make trips and take vacations with the future woman of my dreams who will inevitably leave me.

   I don't want to be tied down to one thing. I've always had way too many interests. Variety truly is the spice of life. I think we're living in a great time. So many people complain about the state of television, but I think this is the best time for it. Even with something as simple as the advent of TiVo. And not only because Michael Ian Black can fast forward through Hal Sparks' bits on I Love the New Millennium. You can create your own broadcast schedule and there are so many reruns and classic channels that you can watch a bunch of old stuff, even if you hate the majority of the new shows. And it's even better if you're a sports fan. There are more free games on TV than ever, it seems. And it's a wonder to get to watch things like the Euro 2008 soccer tournament. Just a few short years ago these things were a lot harder to find. There seem to be infinitely more annoying things springing up around pop culture these days, but I'm happy to say that I also feel like there are more and more things that are way out there showing up, too. Look no further than Adult Swim.

   I'm sorry I took so long to arrive at my main point. I didn't mean to write this much. But the message is a simple one. The coolest, purest and most important thing you can ever do is be yourself. Especially when life is its most challenging. In the face of adversity, the most powerful thing you can do is to continue being true to yourself. No matter what anyone else tells you, or what they think, just keep doing you. If you can look at yourself at the end of the day and know you're keeping it real, that is all you really need. Sometimes it will be hard if you're an independent spirit like me. People won't always get what you're saying. Sometimes they'll even challenge you on it. But you can't always make everybody happy. It's more important sometimes to make yourself happy. Obviously, if you really care for someone, you have to make more sacrifices at times and it's great to make your loved ones happy, but it is so awesome to do all the right things in life without forsaking your integrity and I'm happy to say that I've been able to improve on it with each passing year and it has helped me become a better person.

   So if you're romantic, or political, or serious, or religious, or a goofball, or a punk, or a goth, or a scholar, or a prankster, or a thinker, or a rabble-rouser, or a free spriit, or a genius, or a slacker, or anything else, if you know you're doing these things because it is exactly who you are and what you feel and believe, then you will always have something to be proud of and trust me, it will take you a long way. Don't let anybody tell you different. Just keep doing you no matter what. In the face of madness and fear and the great unknown. No matter what Sammy Hagar tries to tell you, raw honesty is the stuff that dreams are really made of. It may just take you exactly where you need or want to go. And I believe I'm on my way to that unknown, yet undoubtedly exciting location. Should I make room for you then?

{Pick Six}
Bruce McCulloch "Not Happy"
Alien Ant Farm "Flesh and Bone"
Ted Leo & the Pharmacists "High Party"
The Strokes "Barely Legal"
Buju Banton "Vigilante"
Eyes Adrift "Dottie Dawn & Julie Jewel"

Currently listening : Doowutchyalike By Digital Underground

8:11 AM - 20 Comments - 22 Kudos - Add Comment

the TM Files Part III: Gambling on a Whirlwind Romance
Current mood: productive
Category: Romance and Relationships

   Tiffany McCourt was like all of my favorite comedians. She had a serious and even dark side that could rival anyone's, but she was also very funny and a whole lot of fun. Unfortunately, all of her games weren't the fun kind.

   From the moment that Tiffany and I became an item, there were always these little games. It was like I was being constantly tested. I would get closer and closer to her, but she would still either doubt me or herself intermittently. Her trust issues could have meant instant death, but I had already taken the gamble on her. I had it in my mind that I was going to give her a chance and that I was going to help her love herself, so she could love me like she so desperately wanted to. I had already gone all-in and it was too late to turn back.
  
   Besides, in between all the shitty hands I was being dealt, there were countless great ones, too. It could be magical and awesome and rewarding, but it was still extremely unnerving. Being in love with Tiffany McCourt was like getting a full house and it's your best hand of the night--three Queens and two 7's--so you put everything into the pot, and the guy next to you ends up with three Kings and two 7's. Instead of going home with all the winnings, you end up feeling broke and lonelier than ever. Luckily, though, it took a while before I lost all my funds. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, so I always kept a secret reserve fund on the side, in case I needed it. I did.

   When Tiffany and I were alone together, it was easy. It was perfect. It was symphonic. It was epic. But it could also be tragic. She told me about how her awful mother would cut her hair short like a boy and dress her up in boy clothes. It eerily reminded me of the Nirvana song "Been a Son". It was like her mom wished her to be a boy. Tiffany was too beautiful, soft and angelic to be a boy. But she had just enough evil in her (thanks, Mom!) to become a woman and a woman she was. But she was still a scared little child at times. She wept and trembled in my arms as she told me about the nights her mom would lock her in the bathroom with no food and no lights for hours on end. This news didn't surprise me in the least. As gorgeous and glowing as Tiffany was on the night I met her, she was also so obviously frail and broken. Her fragility was one of the first things I noticed about her and it may very well be one of the things I fell in love with.

   You may remember the asshole of an uncle that I mentioned in one of the earlier chapters. This guy wasn't hellping matters. Tiffany was living with him when I met her and he was more than just a thorn in our sides. He was the entire cactus. He was a weak little man. An angry drunk. A waste of space. A loser. But he was vicious. He reminded me so much of the "Doyle" character from Slingblade that Dwight Yoakam's performance was that much more chilling. I shudder to think about the things that her Uncle may have done to her in that tiny apartment they shared. Tiffany was too strong to let anything too extreme happen, but it still scared me that she had to live with this monster. I don't remember for sure, but I'm guessing he was her mother's brother. I am positive, however, that he was a motherfucker.

   You could make the argument that Tiffany wasn't worth my time or energy, or more importantly, my love. But I was always astonished at how relatively put together she was. She had her weaknesses for sure and a lot of them, but many women in her position, with that upbringing, would have ended up a lot worse. The fact that she was even willing to give even part of her heart (and it was a pretty big portion, I think) to me was enough to go a long way. I knew she had a long way to go, but I was proud of her for surviving all the shit that happened to her while she was growing up and for not lashing out too wildly, though there were a few times that she got close to the edge and I like to think that, for a good while, I was one of the few things keeping her from jumping.

   Tiffany didn't always know how to trust me either, (because she didn't even know how to truly trust herself yet) but she trusted me more than most and I was happy that she at least gave me more of a benefit of the doubt than most and that she kept me around long enough to be able to let go more and more.

   I think the fact that I was sweeter and more honest than anyone she had met maybe ever was one of the main things that she was drawn to. (And terrified by) But we had a lot of things in common. For one, we just clicked. Conversation was immediately easy. There was something in both of our eyes that the universe couldn't ignore and it was inevitable that, since we were in the same town and on the same block and fate or some other weird shit brought us to meet each other, we would have to be together for at least a little while, if not for eternal love (though it still pains me to think that there was a chance for that in there somewhere) then at least for the lessons we would learn from just letting our souls, hearts, bodies, minds and mouths melt into each other.

   Not that either of us was really fighting too hard to prevent this from happening. Tiffany was reluctant to take my virginity, because she didn't trust herself and she probably already had it in her mind that this wasn't going to last very long, but she loved and desired me too much for it to not happen sooner or later. Plus I'm known to be one of the best kissers in the world and that usually leads to... other stuff.

   I'm no stud. I'm too dumb, selective and shy to be a ladies' man. I'm not especially handsome and since high school, I've been in shape for a total of about 3 years combined. But when given the opportunity, I'm proud to say that I would gladly take my place among the great lovers of the world. It's not about me. It's more about what the women I'm with bring out in me. I am so infatuated and consumed that I love to pay tribute to their bodies by giving due time to each and every inch. I love to touch and kiss everything. I like to skim my lips across your hips while my fingertips glide along every curve. I love to smell them while I touch them and feel them. I love to breathe them in. I love to consume them. I want us to fade into each other and block out everything. It's not a testament to anything I do. It's a testament to the power of a beautiful woman and a good woman. I'm sure not every woman deserves this sort of attention, but all the good ones do and I'm proud to reciprocate.

   But the passion didn't happen right away. It didn't take long, but at first we bonded on our love of music and slapstick comedy. Nirvana and Chris Farley. Kurt Cobain and the State. We bonded on listening and caring and having conversations. The little things that make life so special. We bonded on love and affection and hopes and dreams. We bonded on our hatred for my pompous (at the time) roommate. We bonded on the fact that both of us made each other more happy than anyone else had in a long, long time.

   I was hoping that this would all just be the groundwork for an eternal love that was being slowly built, but, unfortunately, now it just remains as an all too painful reminder of how powerful pain, paranoia, doubt and self-loathing can be. Old habits die hard, or sometimes they don't die at all, or by the time you've overcome all your old fears, or learned how to live and love, it's too late.

   I don't know if Tiffany's old habits and fears and insecurities died, but I know I did. It took me a long time to recover from that loss. All I can say for now is I hope Tiffany didn't think that I was holding a grudge, or that I had lost my faith in her completely. It was just temporary and I needed to move .. I drove myself into an even deeper depression. I would hate to think that Tiffany gave up on trying to stay in my life because she thought I didn't want here there. The fact is until I met Stephanie (my most recent heartbreaker), I never stopped loving Tiffany and always held out hope that she would change for the better or realize what she had with me and what she had done to prevent it from becoming an even more vital part of her being. She actually did that at one point. (Cliffhanger!) And my most recent break-up has got me thinking about it all again and wondering what went wrong all over again. The bigger problem is I'm still wondering what happened with Stephanie. So now I've got two relationships that I can't stop thinking about. But I'm not letting it stop me. I'm letting it all flow out so I can move on faster this time. And I'm also reminding myself of all the good things I've done, too. Learning from my mistakes can help me with my next lover, but embracing the things I've done right can't hurt either.

   But this isn't about how it all ended. No, no, no, we're not there yet. We're still stuck in the middle of a whirlwind romance. I'm chomping at the bit to get to the end, too. But I can't rush past all the good stuff just yet. She was that good. I wish I had a picture to show you, or I wish you could see inside my mind. I guess that's what I'm doing with this series. I'm slaying ancient demons, but I'm also doing my best to paint you beautiful pictures of each scene in this romantic comedy turned tragedy. Stay tuned. The best/worst is yet to come.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Part I: About a Girl
Part II: No Code

Currently listening : Best Kisser in the World By Max Eider Release date: 2000-08-22

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My (Other) Interview with Michael Ian Black
Category: Games

I did a traditional interview with Michael Ian Black which you can see here, in case you haven't read it yet, but this is something completely different.

It was Melissa who inspired me to interview M.I.B., so I have to mention her first. Thanks, Melissa. I couldn't have got those 6 people to read my interview if it weren't for you. Seriously, though. Thanks for telling me about this.

And now, onto today's order of business. Melissa is also the mastermind behind this project. So you can thank/blame her if you eventually get tagged at the bottom here.

Recently, Michael Ian Black wrote this blog about trying to usurp David Sedaris from the bestseller list with his new book.  That's where this blog comes in. (And why I, Jonathan Medina interviewed him in the first place. Well, that, and because I'm a huge fan.)

I offered to help by creating the below tag in which Michael Ian Black provided five answers to potential interview questions .  I would later add the questions to create a (with any luck) very funny interview.  If you are tagged, you need only include the text beginning at "The Tag."

The tag:

1) You must title your blog "My Interview with Michael Ian Black" and list it under "Games."  We need to be able to click on "Games" in "Most Popular Blogs" and see nothing but Michael Ian Black blogs.  Also, I want to try to update this blog with links to the others.
2) You must use the same answers as those I've used.  These are the answers that were provided by Michael Ian Black.
3) Try to tag a minimum of five people with a certified sense of humor.  The object of this tag is to try to produce the funniest interview.
4) This is all for a cause so you'll need to have a link to Michael Ian Black's site (linked above) and to his book, My Custom Van: And 50 Other Mind Blowing Essays that Will Blow Your Mind All Over Your Face , on Amazon.com (this can be easily accomplished by posting it in your "now reading" at the bottom of your blog).

Jon's interview:

Q: There are a lot of blogs on MySpace that are inferior to yours but get far more readers. Just like television shows that are far worse than any of yours but get millions of viewers more. Tila Tequila falls into both categories. If you were on her god awful reality show, what disgusting thing would you eat to get a shot at bashing Tila in the skull until she agreed to leave the industry alone for good?
A: Leeches. Of course some people will obviously disagree, but for me, unquestionably leeches.

Q: Your former guest star on Ed, Justin Long, has somehow bagged Drew Barrymore. He must have sold his soul to the devil to achieve that milestone. You're infinitely more talented and good looking, so what would Michael Ian Black need to get Drew Barrymore into bed?
A: A certain amount of milk is helpful but not required. I'm not picky about what KIND of milk, although I draw the line at goat's milk, which I find gamy.

Q: What do Nelson's Greatest Hits, Ouija boards and anal beads have in common?
A: As a child I thought that they were only for Christians, but when I got older I came to realize that anybody could enjoy them.

Q: How does your heavenly flesh stay so silky smooth and delicious?
A: My theory is that it all comes from the sun, but I could be wrong. It's also possible that it comes from cow cud but I hope not because that would be gross.

Q: What were your favorite sexual positions and techniques that you used before you got married? (Most notably those three years you spent as Gordon Lightfoot's personal "assistant")
A: In order of preference from least to most: "lil' birdy," "ham hocks," "choo-choo," "can of Sterno," and "the gravedigger."

I tag anybody who wants to do this, but I will pick some people that I think would do really well with it. I hope some popular bloggers will do it, so we can help Michael overtake David Sedaris (AKA the Antichrist) on the best-seller list. I know everybody hates getting tagged, but at least this one involves a celebrity, so it's a bit cooler than your average tag.

Currently watching : Free Enterprise Release date: 2006-03-07

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