Bad Myspace Band Reviews No 6. - Tinderbox

http://www.myspace.com/tinderboxtheband

Step up step up.  Anyone want any terrible shoegaze?  No, I thought not.  Bad synth strings, drippy submerged vocals that would embarrass Kevin Shields, more delay than the 1815 to Euston, shortened versions of songs to fit within that tight 6 and a half minute limit on the myspace player. Yawwwwn.  So, what do you plead?

"We are tinderbox. We play for beauty and we play for joy... We have been playing together for years now and are very good. So enjoy. We'll see you on the other side. Keep passing the open windows."

I pretty much don't have to write this review.  You've written it for me.  I just have to add an ironic wink at the end.

5:38 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Bad Myspace Band Reviews No.5 - When Snow Falls

http://www.myspace.com/whensnowfalls

Click here for pisspoor recordings of bad songs played badly.  This is the sound of your next door neighbour's little brother pretending to be Nirvana.  Muffled, whiney and shite.

11:19 AM - 0 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Bad Myspace Band Reviews No.4 - The Energy

http://www.myspace.com/theenergymusic

Jeez, what are you guys? Bad ska with Gallagher-a-like vocals, I'd rather shit myself than deal with this.  Sample lyric: "She said 'Boy I really love your shoes' | La La La, I love them too'".  When I listen to band lyrics I'm not expecting Joyce but you could have tried a little harder than that surely.  Also, referencing other religions in songs does not indicate you have your finger on the cultural pulse, compare and contrast 'Hindu Times'.  I tried to listen to the rest of the songs but they were too piss poor for me to get to the end.  Warrington is an interesting halfway house, you seem to have got all the punchable "love me-love me" charm of Scouse acts and all of the unfounded dumb swagger of the Mancs.  Congratulations on making my list of bands I never want to see live. 

1:40 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Bad Myspace Band Reviews No.3 - Motion Picture Soundtrack

http://www.myspace.com/mps

Of all the bands in the world I can imagine people sitting down and saying yeah man, that band is so hot, I would love to be in a band like that, Snow Patrol come fairly low down in the list.  Perhaps the cost of Nytol is prohibitively high in Kent and your band is actually providing a public service.  Or perhaps this is the sound of some very boring men with no ideas.  Step away from the delay pedal, there is nothing new there.

1:53 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Bad Myspace Band Reviews No.2 - Serotone

http://www.myspace.com/serotoneband

Awful just awful.  You are expecting people to buy this?  Thank your friend Ferry for bringing your wares to my attention.  The last time I heard music this formulaic I was at playschool.  Does every song need a breakdown? Does every song need a bass line that doesnt mesh with the other instruments?  Just because you have 5 strings doesnt mean you have to use them all Mr Bassplayer.  Conversely just because you only like singing two notes, doesnt mean to say you should learn a few more Mr Singer.  Emo, sub-Deftones bollocks.  Im glad youre in Scotland because there is very little chance of me ever having to see your shit.

1:44 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Bad Myspace Band Reviews No.1 - The Boss

http://www.myspace.com/theboss

Your music is a shockingly bad approximation of your influences.  You want to be Gang of Four, you don't even approach the low imitation which Forward Russia are currently passing off as something new.  Your recordings are beyond lo-fi. This is not a good thing when you are attempting incisive, clipped post-punk.  Go away, spend some time considering what you are doing then spend some money on a recording and then feel free to re-add me.  I'll helpfully tell you if you rise above the level that I would refer to as total shit.  You might also want to consider getting a drummer that can manage to play the fills he attempts.  Good luck getting out of Kent.

4:55 PM - 1 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment