He name is Dawn, 47 years old, and usually trashed out of her mind when she comes to visit. She always wants a beer or a cigarette from me, and I always oblige. Often, she wants more than one of either, and I will sometimes give her more than one. She always says she'll pay me back. I know she never will, but for some reason I like her, so I feed her addictions, anyway.
Until tonight, I hadn't really cared what broke her. I've only seen her sober, once, and that was at the bank several months ago. She has short hair, and she's definitely of redneck stock -- crass, southern dialect, the works.
Over the past few weeks, I've learned that her fiance died in her arms while HIS mother bitched over who his money would go to. Dawn literally described what is known as the "death rattle" as his mother cursed her and told her that the money belonged in "the family". Some mother, huh?
To make matters worse, Dawn had/has breast cancer. She had a partial mastectomy less than a month after her boyfriend died, which was only a week after she learned she HAD cancer.. That was in March/April of this year. Just before I first met her.
When I first met her, she was wasted. I've since met her son, who was severely stoned the fist time I met him. My initial impressionwas low-class white-trash family.
Tonight, Dawn came over. She initially asked for money, which I refused. But something seemed different, so I offered her a beer, instead. We talked for two hours. I even let her smoke in my apartment, which is something even I don't do.
She talked about being lonely, and reiterated the stories she told me before about her fiance and the cancer. But this time she did something different. Something that made it hit more deeply. She showed me the breast that had the surgery. I've seen pictures of breast cancer survivors before, but I've never looked someone in the eye as they talked about it.
As the conversation went on, I realized that Dawn isn't just someone who likes the bottle, and has let herself get to this point. She's recently hurting -- a LOT. A year ago, she was a long-haired, happy-go-lucky girl with two nipples and the love of her life. Now she's on borrowed time without her best friend, and little to no support from those left who should love her most.
I've never appreciated the term "self-medication" until now.
I consoled her until she went home. I'm still stunned by the events of tonight, so I'm sure I'm not as articulate as I want to be, but it was a profound experience (I shared a bit of personal information to her, as well, but I'll keep that on a need-to-know basis).
So we literally have people walking around with antennae sticking out of their heads, these days (Bluetooth for those of you who are savvy, Walkman for those of you who are slow).
I've seen a number of shooting stars in my life. I saw a meteor cover half the sky, once. A few minutes ago, I was almost sure that one was about to hit the ground near where I live. It broke into a few pieces, and burned out just before it hit the tree line.
That was cool. And kinda scary. I was worried for the city of Charlotte, NC, for a second.
