tell me what it means
Category: Writing and Poetry

Wither thou goest, there goest I, two flames sparked but from one ember; bot forward and backward doth time fly, wither thou art, remember.

3:13 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

growing up and moving on.
Category: Life

I have a new favorite quote right now, that kind of seems fitting for this topic...  "Hitting walls and getting scars only makes you who you are, just don't let it beat you up.  Your defenses hit the ground and they shatter all around, so opened and exposed..." haha  I cant remember the rest!

So my best friend is going through a tough time right now.  and I probably love her more than most anyone in the world, so it kinda hurts my heart a little that shes so far away and there is nothing I can do to help her.   The most I can say is, that we all have tough times in our lives with people we love, or THINK we love, or THOUGHT we loved.  sometimes we just try to drown out the pain we're feeling with whatevers closest... a new person we should NEVER be with in the first place just to makeyourself feel better (kinda what I did, as everyone knows,) drinking, whatever.  but the point is, sometimes you finally reach a point where you can say 'hey, I better then this, I dont need to put myself through this.  I'm not saying that Hopes going through this, but today has just been one of those days where you kind of step back and see all the shit that is going on in other peoples lives (that you actually thought were really good, but boy are you wrong) and you can look at yourself and think  'hmm maybe this is where I FUCKED UP my OWN life.'   I dontknow Im probably not maing a lot of sense right now, Im really tired, but I just wanted to get my thoughts out of my head....  anyways my roomates back and he wanrs his computer back so GOODNIGHT!!! love ya'll.

10:46 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

time to write again
Current mood: lethargic

so i havent written one of these tings in a while and thought it time.   ok new important stuff.... 

I moved out of my moms house.  about a month and a half ago... really exciting huh?  now anyonewho hasnt should send me a present.  no really, I like presents.  I'm working like 3 jobs plus coaching and babysitting... needless to say im really fuckin tired.    I found my sister on myspace that i havent seen since I was 6... and I have no clue wether r not she even wants to know me.  thats a littke hard to deal with.    so yup thats whats going on in my life right now... HOWS YOURS???

Currently listening : Move Along By All American Rejects Release date: 12 July, 2005

2:35 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

don't tell them they can't dance
Current mood: optimistic

I got this poem from my aunt and I thought it ROCKED! 

So I think most of you know that my little brother jacob is like my favorite person in the world. There is pretty much nothing I wouldnt do for him...(even though he does sometimes REALLY annoy me. but thats what little brothers are for right?)   Anyway. I think you all also know (and if you dont you do now)  that Jacob has Autism. 

 For those of you who dont know what Autism is... it is a developmental disorder that involves deficits in social relatedness, communication, and behaviors/interests and it varies inseverity from severe to mild. 

Jacob is fortunate enough to be very high functioning...or maybe not so fortunate.  Because he is so high functioning he will always know that he is somehow different from the rest of the kids in his class he just doesnt understand why... and it breaks his heart because he knows that a lot of kids dont want to be his friend. He doesnt understand why they wont play with him at recess too. Because of this he often has 'meltdowns' in class which ends up making his classmates think he is even stranger. He is insanely smart especially when it comes to math. He is obsessed with Pokemon and video games and knows pretty much anything you ever need to know about the computer. 

Anyway because of my amazing brother I have my job, where I work with other kids with special needs.  I also coach (assistant) a special needs baseball team called the Extreme Team which has about 50 players from 5- 45 in age.  Its an amazing experience.

OK but im off track. I got this poem from my aunt and its awesome.... READ IT!!  

and while your at it... spread the love and go donate money to help fund Autism Research... trust me people everywhere will appreciate it.  thanks for reading.

I never told my son he couldn't dance

 

I never told my son he couldn't dance.
I never thought he didn't have a chance.

I never told my son he might not read.
I only sought to plant the seed.

I never showed my son a star.
That, I felt, was way too far.

I never taught my son to fly,
But I gave him wings with which to try.

I never questioned God's intent.
I only hoped my time well spent.

We never know what life will bring.
I only know that I must sing.

I never told my son he couldn't dance.
That is why he had a chance!
--author unknown

10:25 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

If you were tagged....
Current mood: amused

OK, the challenge is, once you have been tagged you have to write a blog about 10 weird things/habits you do. Afterword you have to tag 10 people and let them know and direct them to your blog

So here we go...

1.) I like to bite. I mean REALLY like to bite. not like a weird sexual thing, I just enjoy biting people.

2.) sometimes when I cant sleep, I get up and clean my room. and really clean it, empty closets, move furniture, wash clothes. and that makes me tired.

3.) I sing, really really loudly. all the time. just burst out into song because I feel the best way to get a song or thought out of your head is  to sing it..

4.) so sometimes some of the songs Im singing were made up just then, spur of the moment lyrics about whatever Im singing.

5.) I test people. do things to annoy them, hurt them, just to see what they will do, because Im convinced tey are going to leave me, dump me, hate me, whatever anyway and they only way I know they wont is to test them... I know Im a freak... trying to get over that. trust people and stuff. whatever.

6.) I cry during songs on the radio. I get to work half the time with runny mascara because some random song made me cry... can be sad, happy, whatever, it makes me cry.

7.) I clean my room in a tiara... shut up everyone knows Im a princess.

8.) The father/daughter song at weddings makes me ball like a baby because I wont ever have that and it breaks my heart.  The only damn tthing about not having a dad that upsets me.

9.)  I love pictures. taking them, looking at them, scrapbooking, self-portraits. whatever. I almost always have a camara on me or in my car.

10.) I secretly think Im not good enough. Most people who meet me think Im self-centered. (ok I kinda am), snobby, bitchy, stuck-up, and unfriendly, and sometimes overlly confident. but  my friends all know that really Im just really shy until I know you and can trust you, very self consious, nervous, and sometimes just sad and they also know I would do ANYTHING for them. but still, really since only people I know are reading this, I really am sometimes, bitchy, selfish, and snobby. haha but they deal with it! arent they the greatest  friends EVER!

Okay, so now I wonder whom I'm going to tag...hmm....let me think....hmm...

Currently listening : Taylor Swift By Taylor Swift Release date: 24 October, 2006

5:22 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

blah blah blah... my thoughts
Current mood: ditzy

Being happy doesnt mean everything is perfect.  It means youve decided to look beyond the imperfections.  So when in life does this happen? I think Im still waiting for everything to be as perfect as possible. I mean yeah Ive looked beyond a few imperfections, but how many until you realize you actually can be happy.  I think thats all I want right now, to be happy.  With my family, to actually want to spend time with the people that I love the most.  With my friends, and feel like a 12 year old trailing after the big kids trying to fit in which is weird to me, since Im the oldest out of all my friends.  I just feel so far behind them. And I want to be happy and be with a guy.  I know  you dont need a guy to be happy but having one, having someone who loves you for you are makes everything seem so much better.  Is that totally lame?  I dont know but it seems like thats what Id like. 

Currently watching : Laguna Beach - The Complete First Season Release date: 19 July, 2005

1:42 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

someone elses version of the 10 things I hate about you poem
Current mood: confused

I hate it when my cellphone rings
and your name doesn't show
I hate it when I hear our song
It kills me long and slow
I hate it when you smile at me
Even though she's by your side
I hate the nights I'm all alone
and all the time I cried
I hate the way you say my name
or just the way you look
I hate the way I know you
How aI can read you like a book
I hate the way I don't hate you
Because I still love you so
I hate the way you'll never see
and the way you'll never know...

Currently listening : From Under the Cork Tree By Fall Out Boy Release date: 03 May, 2005

12:48 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

getting what you've always wanted...
Current mood: awake
Category: Life

George Bernard Shaw once wrote, "There are two tragadies in life. One is to lose your hearts desire. and the other is to gain it."   
I didnt use to believe this. I thought 'how stupid' how can gaining your hearts desire be a bad thing?  Getting what you've always wanted should be a good thing right?  
But now I understand, to finally get your 'hearts desire' means that you finally have something to lose. And no one wants that.  Or even getting your hearts desire and suddenly everything is different. Awkward. Gaining it changes everything. Maybe the best thing in life is having dreams, but not always having them become reality, because reality isnt always all that pretty or even how you pictured it.   Sometimes you can get one small part of what you wanted and your left standing there with everyone knowing you've finally put yourself out there, done something most people would never see you doing, just to have whats left of you handed back to you ona nice little platter.
Sometimes I hate reality. I like sleeping because in my dreams, I get whatever and whoever I want and it always works out and is always perfect.  Reality is scary, messy, and painful.  And your left stannding there, longing to be back in bed where your hearts desire is right where you left it. In your dreams. and hes always happy to see you.  
So yes, losing your hearts desire is tragic. But gaining your hearts desire?  Its all you can hope for. And this year I got my hearts desire, and it hasnt turned out the way I'd hoped but,  if thats tragic, then give me tradedy, because I wouldn't take it back for the world.

Currently listening : From Under the Cork Tree By Fall Out Boy Release date: 03 May, 2005

12:26 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

wow I whine alot
Current mood: lonely

ok so I dont know whats up with me lately.  Seriously, right now life kinda sucks... and people suck.  I dont know, maybe I just expect to much of other people and I guess I expect better for myself then I deserve?  I mean I know Im not perfect but once in a while would it be okay to be treated like Im somewhere close to it. 

My 20th birthday is in two months... and the most grown up thing Ive ever done is get a tattoo without my mothers permission.  and even then my aunt had to talk me into it and hold my hand.  I ask my moms permission to go to the store and constantly have fights with her about cleaning house and paying rent.  I cant even afford to rent a one bedroom apartment, because I have a crappy barely above minimum wage job. The one time I actually had the opportunity to have a better job, #1 I dont know that the person would have actually followed through since hes not exactly the most honest person and #2 I dont know that I would have been able to handle working FOR this person because of our past...its kinda hard when you think you love or are close to loving someone and you find out they're not.     ANYWAYS. my whole point to this self-pitying entry is to ask... when do people actually grow up.  it would sure be helpful to get it overwith already.  dont get me wrong I love my family and we pretty much have a happy house to live in (we dont really mean it when we fight anyway) but I want to be a grown up, move away, and actually have my own life.  maybe it would make feeling so alone just a little bit easier.

8:33 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

You know your from REDLANDS when...
Current mood: cranky

You know your from Redlands when...
~*~*~

1. Every one of your friends, including yourself, has a drinking problem.

2. Everyone of your friends including you owns a Quad, a dirt bike, a snow board and water skis... and their parents own a yacht.

3. Everyone you know sings in a band.

4. The only way Statutory rape laws exist is if you arent careful.

19. You know at least 10 people with a tattoo of Nautical Stars, naked chicks, or Kittens.

20. At least half the guys you see are wearing Volcom and INNES.  ALL the girls wear Hurley.
21. When all of your girlfriends go off to college its decided on their majors, and when all your guy friends go off to college its decided on where all your girlfriends go and if there are good parties. 

22. You walk into a party and you've hooked up with all but 3 people there.

23. Even the people you havent seen since high school still manage to find out what and who you are doing.

24. You walk into Vons or Rite Aid and see atleast 5 people you know.

25. You have a cousin Charity.

26. You participate in the cycle of: A) Seeing old people at parties and then B) Being the old people at parties.

27. "Whatever" and "ANYWAYS" are the most common phrase in your vocabulary.

28. Everyone you know has a southern flag draped over the back seat of their cars.  

29. Everyone you know drives a big lifted truck with an Independent sticker on the back.

30. You go to Krikorian on friday night, saturday night and sunday night because there isnt much else to do...

31. You know what a Bro is, and what a Bro Hoe is.

32. You know who all the Bro Hoes are and you know that you're never supposed to talk to them.

33. when Thursday night parties are the highlight of your week.

34. you go to the Branding Iron on Wednesday nights.

35. You know what people do at "the Top of Smiley park"

36. your whole life is DRAMA.

37. You cant start a day without Starbucks.

38. You run into your ex's ALL the time.

39. All you ex's drive Mustangs...some have two.

40. When you think Yuciapa is ghetto.

41. when you have been to a 66er's game on friday night.

42. you know what the 66er's are.

43. You know and expect there to be streakers at the RHS/REVHS football game.

44. You have been to a Those One Guys concert.

45. You have been to a Vendetta Red concert.

46. you know someone who works at Leroys, Hollister, or Starbucks

47. You have flipped your truck in the hills behind Crafton College.