Nope…not even close. My disdain of Myspace continues to slowly grow & fester, but I haven't left & am not planning to.
I may stop blogging on here, however. I haven't completely decided yet, but I have been wondering more & more lately why it is that I'm giving Rupert Murdoch all of this content when I have a blog on Wordpress.
Now, keep in mind – I'm not necessarily referring to blogs like this one that you're reading now. What I'm talking about are blogs that would fall more into the realm of "creative writing" & what have you.
There's also the fact that from a geeking standpoint, Myspace can be an enormous pain in the ass.
Lately, I've actually been spending more time on my other blog & on Facebook. *gasp*…does that mean that I've been cheating on Tom?
Another reason that I haven't been around is due to the annual obligatory holiday duties that are expected of most of us at this time of year.
Since it is that Festivus time of year, my husband & I will be boarding an airplane on Wednesday morning. We'll be heading to Colorado for 2 weeks where we will drink many microbrews & will feast merrily upon Arby's, Wendy's & Taco Bell after we eat all of the food in my mother's house, of course.
I've also been busy with this fucking book thing. Ugh…what have I gotten myself into, here? Well, I've just started the 2nd draft & there's no turning back now – that would be like standing in the middle of a river like a slack-jawed idiot rather than just continuing to the dry land on the other side.
Last thing – this doesn't mean that I am blowing anyone off. I've still been coming on here to read messages & a blog here & there. But, really…there is a lot more on Myspace than blogs & blogging just like there is a lot more to life than Myspace.
So, I'll be a little hard to get a hold of for the next couple of weeks, but overall, I'm not too hard to find.
Now I must go lift weights while watching "Xena: Warrior Princess".
No. I'm not fucking kidding. There it is. Now you know – I'm not really all that cool after all.
Shitty Smell Turns Out to Be a Goddam Dead Thing
Category: Pets and Animals
LOVELAND, CO – A local ghetto was turned upside-down when a resident weirdo emerged from her ghetto unit while hysterically "going off" about "some shitty smell" coming from her apartment.
The Month of November Swallowed Me Whole
Category: Life
Ok...well, not literally. That would be weird, though...if it did. Can you just imagine it? Go ahead. Give it a try. I'll wait.
Anyway, I mentioned a couple of blogs ago that I would let you know once I figured out where I had been, so here I am, letting you know.
Maybe you heard about this NaNoWriMo writing challenge where the goal is to write a 50,000-word novel in 30 days. Ok, I guess 50,000 words is more like a novella, but doing that in 30 days without much preparation isn't all that easy, so back off.
I shunned this last year, but this year I decided to go ahead & give it a whirl just as an exercise to challenge my writing & myself. What ended up happening was a little unexpected.
I got really into it...sure, I've got a rough draft of some sloppy, unedited crap, but now that I've started something, I'd really like to finish it. Hitting the word count goal isn't going to be a problem as I'm currently 2,000 words away from the finish line & still won't be finished with it by then.
After all of that, I'm sure I'll be busy with editing & polishing. Unfortunately, that doesn't leave as much energy for blogging.
Funny thing, though...I've still been blogging lately, I just haven't been doing it much on Myspace. I've still been posting blogs on my Wordpress blog, though.
Here's the thing about that: what the hell is with all of the negativity on here? Is it just me? There seems to be an abundance of name-calling, shit-talking & backstabbing between bloggers. It's more painful than watching reality TV.
There seems to be a hell of a lot of mediocrity & bad vibes & not enough laughing & people simply communicating with their friends & acting like grownups that can wipe their own asses.
Way to show some class, there, people. Must just be a lack of writing material or creative writing ability.
I've spent a lot of time deleting people from my friends list & unsubscribing from people lately.
That made me feel a little better.
I've gotten a little behind on reading blogs because I needed a break from all of this...shit. That I do have some regret about because there are a few good blogs out there that I like reading that have nothing to do with mediocrity & reality TV.
All of this isn't to say that I'm going to go away or that I'm going be posting blogs every day again.
LOVELAND, CO - A local weirdo known only as Paco was reported to have laughed himself silly while mocking his girlfriend as they were driving through a local Wendy’s fast food restaurant on Tuesday afternoon...
I think that I have found yet another fictional character to put on a pedestal.
I don't usually put this kind of stuff on the blog, because I prefer to actually come up with my own blogs, but I just don't think that I could have said this any better myself.
Oh...& where have I been lately? Um...not sure...but once I've figured it out, I'll let you know.
Ok...it's been a while, but I was tagged again earlier this week. Lorrie asked me to come up with 12 random things about myself using words AND pictures.
Well, then...let's do this shit.
1 - Like many people, I make that fucked-up face when I put on eye make up.
2 - I like to climb around on historical shit. Like a WWII German bunker, for example.
3 - Sometimes I like to wear my husband's clothes & pretend that I'm a janitor.
4 - I walk my cat on a leash like a dog.
5 - I kick ass at video games.
6 - I like to drink juice when I have a hangover.
7 - I generally prefer to hang around with dead people as opposed to living people.
8 - I'm easy to lift up & spin around.
9 - Ever since I was a little kid, I've had an obsession with this guy:
10 - Oh, yeah...& this guy:
11 - I was going to be a crazy cat lady. The plans for that were thwarted, however, when I decided that there was actually another human being that I could stand for longer than 1 hour at a time & that I could live with him for an extended period of time without committing murder. Although...I'm still obsessed with my cat & she made the move with me from Colorado to France.
12 - I almost always wear black. That's only because I can't be bothered to match clothes together - what a bunch of fucking horse shit that is. Clothes are basically just to cover your body, anyway.
The one exception to this was my wedding day. I didn't wear black - it crossed my mind, though.
My husband prefers colors & loud, funky patters. Ugh. Whatever.
We agreed on one thing, though - for our wedding, no boring black tux & no ridiculous, virginal white gown with a bullshit fucking veil.
So...in the end, I happened to buy the 1st dress that I saw in a vintage clothes store in Boulder, CO & I married a guy with a pink ribbon in his hair.
Right, then...so there are my dozen things. Now...who to tag...hmm...ok, how about this: if your name has the letter "R" in it, you're tagged.
Or, you know...if you just want to do it, then do it. Don't let me tell you what to do. I'm not the boss of you.
Man Announces Big Plans to Buy New Speakers This Weekend
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
LOVELAND, CO – Local man Ryan O’Neill, also known in some circles as ’That one dude with the Miata", proudly threw out a big suspenseful question at lunch with his coworker today...
Area Exerciser: Ban Jumping Jacks
Category: Sports
CHEYENNE, WY - A motivated military exerciser known only as Captain James reported on Monday his extreme distaste of the words, "Jumping Jacks".
"I do 'Side Straddle Hops', sure." reported James. "However, I don't do Jumping Jacks. Jumping Jacks are for second graders and old ladies."
When pressed for an explanation of the differences between the two seemingly congruent exercises, James replied in form.
"Side straddle hops involve four basic positions, beginning with the subject standing in an upright manner with arms held to the sides and proceeding to extend all four limbs, with the legs moving 15 degrees outward and the arms moving 190 degrees upward. Jumping Jacks consist of ADD kids flailing their goddam arms and legs like a fucking Muppet."
Experts at the Institute of Exercise Science declined comment, so we'll take his word for it.
Diagram of the "Side Straddle Hop".
Artist's rendition of a fucking Muppet flailing his goddam arms & legs, or a "Jumping Jack".
Ok...most people are aware of the fact that the food here in France is fucking incredible. I mean, they can even make this nasty, slimy thing taste good.
Naturally, if you head down south toward the Mediterranean coast, there are countless places serving seafood - fresh seafood. Since I'm from Colorado, which happens to be a bit inland, I tend to get over-excited about eating seafood that didn't have to travel on an airplane, or that isn't being served at the Red Lobster.
There is one place in La Grande Motte that my husband I & like to go to - they have an awesome bouillabaisse there. You have to order it earlier that day, or the day before because it takes that long for them to make it just for you.
In case you don't know, bouillabaisse is just a type of soup that is made with different kinds of fish & shellfish.
So, we get to the restaurant...we have some wine...
...& proceeded to gorge ourselves like gluttonous fiends.
No one ever warned us...no one told us to slow down. We were never warned of the repercussions. No one bothered to tell me that if I lost control, that I could very well end up completely fucking flunched before the night was over.
So...just a word of advice to all of you...jumping haphazardly into a bouillabaisse binge can be dangerous. It can take you straight from this...
LOVELAND, CO – A local ass cheek made an exclusive appearance at the corporate offices of Kroll Factual Data last week.
The ass cheek's owner, 31 year-old Jacquelynn Beardsley, of Loveland, was reported to have been not only surprised, but also rather amused by her ass cheek's antics.
"I don't know what happened, man." Beardsley told us in a statement. "I'm just walking around through the office, chatting people up and the next thing I know, the left side of the back of my pants is gone…and there was my leopard print for the whole world to see."
It was later reported that not only had Beardsley's ass exposed itself to several of her coworkers, but also to many unsuspecting shoppers in the Loveland area during her 60-minute lunch break.
When asked about what attempts she is making to restrain her unruly buttocks, Beardsley replied, "Restrain? Why would I want to restrain them? I mean, it's ok…I have an all right ass, so if it wants out, then I say, let it out."
One of Beardsley's coworkers was overheard commenting shortly after the incident, "Dude, I'm just glad her boobs aren't big…they'd be popping out here and there causing all kinds of fucking trouble."
Words of Truth Won’t Harm the Speaker
Category: Life
Ah...so here we are, at another Monday and throughout over the course of the past couple of weeks, I have again stumbled upon another sparkling revelation: most people are pieces of shit.
Goddam.
Well, maybe I didn't just discover this…but was just again reminded of it.
People will lie to you, boys and girls. People will use your greatest vulnerabilities against you...what you fear, what you love and the flaws that make you what you are - they will take those tender spots in your soul, they will stick a wretched finger in those spots and they will twist it, digging and boring a wound until you either cannot take it anymore or until you end up wallowing in a pool of your own drunken barf and disdain.
The clock is ticking away...your life is ending as you are reading this. tick...tick...tick...who knows when the ticking stops.
My point here, people: don't let your time be wasted by fuckheads...and if you happen to be one of the fuckheads, keep your sickness and self-loathing away from anyone else that might be tainted by your wasteland of an existence.
We all have our baggage...we all have nice, thick scar tissue...we all have those scabs that someone can come along and pick off at any time.
Big fucking deal. Get over it, get on with it. Live your fucking life as it was meant to be lived - live it as if every single speck of light that hit your eyes may be that last thing you see because it just might damn well be.
Stop smearing your shit on everyone in your path like you were some goddamed plague. We're trying to have a civilization, here, so just go along with it - breathe in the sun, stumble into a campfire and burn the hell out of yourself, go ahead and get drunk and get thrown out of that dive bar, go make the first move on that person that caught your eye and intimidates the hell out of you - "everything is all right forever and ever"...just say "fuck it"...just "go to your desire and LAUGH."
Ok…so I didn't make up that last line all by myself - I had some help from someone much, much cooler than myself & a far better writer than I'll ever be. But, the guy makes a good point…even though his ticking stopped a long time ago.
PARIS, FRANCE – In what began as a simple trip to take a leak, a local man instead found himself in the midst of a nightmare filled with shame and embarrassment at the Quick fast food restaurant located at Barbes Boulevard this weekend.
The man, whose name has not been disclosed to the public, evidently found himself unable to exit through the bathroom facility's main door leading back into the dining area.
As he struggled with the doorknob, the man pushed his face against the glass of the door's window, silently pleading other customers to come to his aide. For what seemed like an eternity, rescue eluded the man as his attempts to make contact were received only with strange looks, pointed fingers, and laughter.
Hope was not lost for the poor bastard, however. A large group of what looked to be a very large family of tourists from India eventually appeared at the door. Several of the family members pushed and pulled at the door, apparently forgetting to take a look at their receipts from the restaurant, as that is where the secret code to open the door is located.
When questioned as to the covertness of the bathroom door code, one Quick employee told us, "Our bathrooms are for paying customers only. This is a system designed to prevent any fool off of the street from coming in and using our facilities. But sometimes the paying customers are fools, too. That's not our fault."
The situation was finally quelled when a restaurant employee typed in the numeric code and opened the door. The panicked man trapped inside then made a hasty exit, squirming through the throng of Indian tourists who were simultaneously swarming the bathroom.
The man was last seen wide-eyed and covered with perspiration, informing his fellow patrons of his horrifying experience.
Woman Announces Big Plans for Hedgehog
Category: Pets and Animals
DENVER, CO - Former Fort Collins resident Shayne Green spontaneously announced her plans to purchase a hedgehog this week.
"I think I want one that's kind of mean. Most people don't know much about hedgehogs, so I could probably make up some cool stuff about them when I encounter strangers while walking my hedgehog through the park."
Green went on to say that she might tell strangers that the hedgehog possesses a deadly venom in their quills just for the sake of "fucking with people" and for "sheer amusement" because of the fact that scaring people while taking advantage of their ignorance is "fucking funny".
When asked what she planned on naming her newest pet, Green quickly replied, "His name will be Porcupine Meatball".
Porcupine Meatball attempts to appear menacing just before his first walk through the park.
All you can do is stare...gazing deep into the sky as her voice drones on and on. She’s rattling on with diatribe after annoying fucking diatribe...something about hurting...something about not being what she’s looking for...
