hindsight is always 20/20 (thus the reflective 02/02). life is soo good right now. at the moment, physiologically, i have beer and two half foot subway sandwiches to thank (i love sharing with people what inspires me - so for the curious - i had a snow plow and a pacifico that i bought from bevmo just an hour ago and a cold cut combo and a double steak with pepper jack cheese) - but more than that, spiritually and emotionally - my glass is overflowing. i just changed jobs - within the same company. i'm back on days after working the graveyard shift for two and a half years and i've been reacquainted with everyone i've lost touch with while in hibernation. i'm working with one of my best friends (or will be after i've been trained)...but dude...i love my job. it requires a lot of energy and time flies by so fast i forget i'm working. and i'm on a much needed vacation that extends through new years. so pumped on it *sigh*. i'm getting married to una mujer caliente con una personali impresionante. i'm in love. over. done. out for the count. see you in the next life. we got an amazing apartment that i'm so thankful for at a discount price (thanks to perfect timing) and it opens to us on the 31st.. i just finished my first semester of spanish with two more to go. the B.A. is almost mine. i love movies. i love music. i love stories. i love people. i love my family. i had a legit Christmas full of tears (my brother is in Iraq and my sister is in England with the Air Force. it's the first time my parents and I had to celebrate Christmas without both of them). but more than that - i was able to bless both my mom and dad with gifts this Christmas that brought them to tears which was unspeakably special to me since they've lived most of their lives for their kids. but this year i was able to pull out the big guns and let em know how much they mean to me - just before i exit their home for good. moreover, i might have spent my last Christmas with my Grandpa Tom (dad's stepfather) who I appreciate more than he'll ever know. he's 90 and his physical limitations confine him to a wheelchair. as i saw him off yesterday, i couldn't help but wonder what is going on in his weary mind. he wished heather and i the best for our lives while his body refused to help him into the car. together we both said goodbye to him. but i couldn't help but consider the dichotomy before me. what a painful kiss on the cheek. one life ending while others are just beginning. one who has experienced the beauty and tragedy of life. others who are just beginning to understand both. insane. i pray for him and my sweet (but she's no doormat) grandmother. crazy. i'm just sitting here wondering what to write but at the same time feeling compelled to because i can't ignore the warm fire of my heart in such a cold cruel world. i am blessed and i know it. for the first time in my 28 years of life i think i understand the importance of family. and what an incredible family i have that i've so often overlooked because i thought i didn't need them. i was an island. hindsight. 20/20. that's why i brought it up and i've arrived at the point i'm trying to make. it's amazing what a couple of years - let alone one - can bring. so much change. so much that's unforseen. yet i doubted. i worried. i defended against my territory. i held on to my life tightly and yielded for no one. my life was my own and so was everyone elses - disconnected from mine. but God brought me to my knees and showed me what Love is through my friends and family (both of them)...and especially Heather. God has literally used her to change my life. she is the freedom I've longed for. i'm overwhelmed when i think of how far i've come. when everything seemed stacked against me...even if i did the stacking. when i seemed so empty and broken. so cynical and jaded. insecure. anti-everything. alive by moonlight and sleeping by daylight. but now i live by the sun. just a couple of weeks ago, i was stressed out and frustrated. spanish final. changing jobs. changing hours. changing coworkers. getting married. christmas shopping. apartment finalizing. budgeting. my future was daunting. and now that everything has passed (except for the wedding (which i am totally stoked on *you would hope so*)) - it didnt turn out half as bad as i expected. in fact, what i feared to suck was mindblowingly awesome. man i'm a knucklehead. why do we get stressed? why do we worry? why do we fear? i feel light. fabreezy. confident in a warm future no matter what ice storm may come. never let your circumstances control you. never let your fears grip you. never let impatience or frustration become you. hope lives and if you choose to submit your control to the providence of God, your life will be redeemed and you will receive the rain. there's so much to be thankful for. even pain. without it, sometimes we would forget where home really is. beauty doesn't just appear out of nowhere. it blossoms. it rises. if you're life is dark right now, hang in there - trust God and learn to listen to the whisper. follow cautiously but don't give up. take things day by day and be thankful for the now. the sun will shine. the rain will come. alright...i'm going to go take a nap. because i'm getting old.
09.01.07 toby keith and the state of this world...
Category: Music
So I just got back from seeing Toby Keith perform at what appeared to be a sell-out crowd at the Verizon Wireless Amphitheater in Irvine with Heather. I must say, though I'm not a huge country fan, I did enjoy the music. Country, much like beer, is an acquired taste and thanks to Heather, I'm starting to *cringe* get into it. :) But that's another story for another day. On to Toby.
Before Mr. Keith came on stage, I had a very positive image of him. Based on a few news bites here and there coupled with a few songs of his that I've been exposed to by way of radio and i-tunes (Namely the song 'My List' and the powerful lyrics of his newest song "Love Me if You Can" that Heather shared with me), I was led to believe that the man was a good man. Like Braveheart 'good'. He seemed to me to be real and honest - almost to a fault (He tells it how it is and doesn't take crap from anyone.) A down to earth good ol' American country boy who believes in hard work, family and supporting our troops as they sacrifice their lives for us. Next to the word 'solid' in my personal dictionary was a picture of Toby Keith. His unflinching public support of our troops has been especially important to me because my bro is heading back for a second term in Iraq and my sister just joined the Air Force. Even with songs like "I Love this Bar" (my first exposure to him was the music video for that song...i liked it...and we all know that no country musician is complete without their alcohol),Toby has always been someone I thought highly of. Until tonight...
Heather and I were having a good time. My friend Tom hooked us up with free food and beer. The weather went from hot to perfect in 3.5 seconds. We had orchestra seats close to the stage. We were with Heather's brother and his wife. It was really mellow. I was at peace and was actually looking forward to the concert. A new band by the name of Flynnville Train performed first and put on a decent show. Next was Miranda Lambert who Heather and I were not fond of. (Her opening song had her bragging about being a "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend" who assaults her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend at a bar (of course all in good country fun). In her last song of the set, she performed "Gunpowder and Lead", in which she murders her abusive lover with a shotgun...with a smile and a wink). While she's singing these songs, I'm looking around the stadium seeing people singing along and clapping and having a great time...as if this is normal? I can understand and get behind the whole 'girl power' thing i.e. country artist Gretchen Wilson's "Redneck Woman" but this was over-asserting feminazi power. Destructive. Ridiculous. Finally, as Ms. Lambert exited the stage, there was anticipation in the air. I was ready for Toby. The lights came on and our party resumed conversation. Everything was going smoother than butter.
The lights went out. People stood up and the place went nuts. A white curtain was hanging over the stage, obstructing us from its view. A projected video started playing on the curtain. It's "Toby Keith and Possum Boy" (Larry the Cable Guy) in a weird Ford commercial movie trailer parody sketch. Ummm...yeah...it made no sense and was pretty lame. The curtain dropped and bam! the confetti flies and the pyrotechnics flair. Toby enters into his performance to the sound of sell-out mayhem. I was actually kind of pumped.
Now, if you know me at all, you know that I don't turn my mind off. Ever. I may turn it down a few notches, but the wheels are always turning and the filter is always on. Nothing ever gets in that I don't invite in. I'm constantly auditing my world - from the subtleties in nature to the lyrics in music and themes in movies. I understand the power of media and its contribution to social conditioning and the propagation of good and evil. That being said, Toby Keith's set was...to put it bluntly...evil. I know that word gets thrown around a lot, but I mean it as it is defined here: anything that diminishes the beauty or stunts the growth of life as it was intended by God to be experienced. Simply put: anything that is anti-life. And it doesn't have to be blatant or intentional. Often it's subtle. (It's almost ironic that evil is live backwards). Anyway...let me explain why:
As Toby began his set, my hot dog, fries, beer (Dos Equis...I highly recommend it) and the nachos Heather gave me were gone. I was feeling relaxed. I was feeling content with the world. Like I mentioned before, everything was in the right place at the right time. I was at peace. So there I was movin' to the music with my left arm around Heathers neck, resting comfortably on her shoulders. My hand was dangling and interlocked with hers. Good stuff. Good times. Good man playing Good music. Nothing should have ruined my mood. Nothing. Now, personally, per the aforementioned blurb about my consistent mental occupation, I can't enjoy any form of music without considering the lyrics. The very reason any song exists is for the purpose of communication. So why wouldn't I listen to the lyrics? The reason any musician ever picks up an instrument in the first place is because they have something to say. Whether it be through music alone or purely cathartic vocal expression, the soul speaks. We're all interconnected as the core of the meaning of life is primarily predicated upon relationship. So I want to do my part and connect with you through listening to what you have to say. Through your soul inspired instrumentation, song or both, I am captive. And there I stood or should I say 'country crunked' with my ears atuned. The first song was awesome. Toby talked about his upbringing and from where and whence he came. A video presentation accompanied the performance with clips of him growing up and followed him down the road to his present day success. Pictures of his family, his grandma and the troops proliferated the stadium screens. That was legit. By the second song, the curtain lifted.
His true colors shined through when he started talking about his drunk pursuit of one night stands and bragging about his sexual performance. My heart sunk in disappointment. I knew nothing of this kid other than whats been handed to me on a plate. I should have checked the lyrics before I went, but I trusted him and what I knew of his reputation. I gave him a chance, but once I noticed the murky consistency of his lyrics, I removed my hand from Heather's and slumped down into my chair and scanned the stadium in awe at the numbers of people absorbing the experience. And this time, I didn't see a healthy communal gathering of good ol' down to earth country fans who came down to support their boy. This time I saw zombies. Mindless zombies swaying and singing and dancing and drinking and cheering without a clue as to what it all meant or without a care as to what was being preached. In fact, I'm pretty sure Toby gave an endorsing breath to their lifestyles. My heart joined me in my chair as it sunk too. So I sat there and I paused to absorb every word that sprung from his soul. They weren't the songs I heard on the radio...or on I-tunes. They weren't from the Toby Keith I saw supporting my brother on tv. They certainly weren't the songs Heather heard on the radio. He altered the lyrics on stage. He inserted his true self into what he was singing about. So this is the man of conviction? The same man who is worried about what kids' learn from TV? ("Love Me if You Can") This same guy finds it funny to tell a story through song about picking up a fat girl at a bar and having drunk sex with her in a cheap hotel room? While making fun of her weight in graphic detail? This same guy who gives his girl a kiss on the cheek would sing about enjoying one night stands, threesomes and stealing other dudes' girlfriends? This same guy who 'prays to Jesus' and 'puts an extra five in the plate at church' sings about smoking weed and getting hammered only to end his song with commenting on the 'fake titties and hookers' he saw back stage? It pissed me off. As the songs wore on, I remained sitting in disbelief at the intake of blatant hypocrisy that I was witnessing. I was totally afraid that my sensitive spiritual sensibilities would put Heather off, but she felt the same disappointment that I did. And we were able to dissect our individual experiences and really talk about it.
This is the world we live in. Where promiscuity and sexual disrespect is normal. Using and giving yourself to be used is the way it is. Love? What's that any more? Proclaim belief in Jesus in a song then go spit on Him in the next? Sacrifice your body to indulgence and God gets the leftover hearltess lip service? This is what I'm pissed at. Hypocrisy. Dude...you're not a believer? You don't have or want a relationship with Jesus? That's cool. Party it up. I'll tell you its empty but no coercion here. It's your prerogative and after your last breath on earth, it is you who will have to give an account for your own actions. I feel sympathy for sure....but pissed? No. I understand. You have no allegiance to the standards to which I have commited myself to therefore you are free from them and you are free to journey. Stay within the lines and show respect to your fellow man, but nonetheless, carry on. Be honest. Be true. Be real. Be consistent. BUT on the other side of the coin, if you proclaim allegiance, then COMMIT. You can't keep one foot in. Either you're in or you're out. Don't put on a face and preach to the congregation only to go screw the pastor's wife after the service. This is the ultimate evil. When those who know right from wrong choose wrong anyway.... and not in the process of learning and growth. We all do this. We're human. We suck sometimes. But if our hearts recognize this constant condition yet yearn for growth...to know Love and be known by Love, then we are in a good place. But those who knowingly screw up and justify it without giving a rat's ass about their neighbor and continue to do (and promote) whatever the hell they want for their own sake while at the same time foolishly thinking their pullin' a fast one on God...fuhgetaboutit. So who are you really? Toby?
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again i reference 2 Timothy 3:
You can be certain that in the last days there will be some very hard times. People will love only themselves and money. They will be proud, stuck-up, rude, and disobedient to their parents. They will also be ungrateful, godless, heartless, and hateful. Their words will be cruel, and they will have no self-control or pity. These people will hate everything that is good. They will be sneaky, reckless, and puffed up with pride. Instead of loving God, they will love pleasure. Even though they will make a show of being religious, their religion won't be real. Don't have anything to do with such people."
i love how rhetoric saves the conscience from conviction. you can spin anything, neutral or negative and turn it into a positive. abortion isn't the killing of life (whether or not you believe in the snuffing of the soul is irrelevant. the fact stands that abortion kills life is scientifically proven). no, abortion isn't pro-kill, it's pro choice. maybe hitler should have adopted that muzzled phrase when it came to his policy for the jews. pro-choice. has a guilt-free ring to it. (i am talking about the act of abortion and the support of its practice. i realize there are people we all know and love who have regretfully gone through the procedure. these people are no better or worse than myself and need forgiveness just like me. and even moreso, they are more than just physically wounded but spiritually and emotionally wounded and need compassionate restoration. i do not judge. i empathize. its the ongoing support of both the philosophy behind abortion and the procedure itself that is abhorrent)
now for atheism and agnosticism - which inspired these thoughts today. (i saw an ad on myspace moments ago directing me to their "free-thinkers" website) the atheists and agnostics, instead of leaving their belief system bare for all to see just as they are - as those who are without a belief in God or who have an honest unsureness of God's existence, have for some reason felt the need to sugar-coat in condescending fashion toward the 90% of us in this world who believe in a life bigger than self by calling themselves 'free-thinkers'. this term doesn't help anyone. its arrogant, dishonest and condescending. i guess in order to be a free thinker, one has to free themselves from the notion of a Higher Power and instead replace God with the god of self. it's trading one set of chains for another. so who's really free? i do not respect atheism in the slightest because it is either willful ignorance or outright intellectual arrogance that rests one there. agnosticism, however, i can handle because it admits an honest human position of ignorance - to simply not know or be sure of something intangible. that is honest. but to set yourself apart from the religious as a "free-thinker" presupposes everyone else is weak-minded. but i guess its consistent with social darwinism. survival of the fittest. and in this case, the intellectually fit. but i'm confused. atheism asserts a meaningless material existence with no transcendent virtue and only man-made constructs for survival purposes. yet it espouses free-thinking (that has nothing to do with survival) as a virtue? should it even matter? anyway, this whole free thinking thing i totally disrespect because it claims a monopoly on reason and asserts through the philosophical impugning of the existence of the soul, an elitist position whereby there is an inherent discrimination against anyone religious be it Mother Theresa, Jesus or Ghandi...who i guess were intellectual slaves and therefore a virus among humanity?
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p.s. why do we feel the need to twist our language in order to support our actions or beliefs? is it because we recognize something incomplete or wrong with our actions that we have to convince our soul to turn a blind eye...that what we do or who we are isn't really all that bad? i think so. so here are a few more lies we can tell ourselves to help us keep feeding our appetites of self and social destruction:
why can't judgmentalism just be 'morally discerning'. or how about sleeping around? it's not adultery, it's 'sexual liberation'. or hurting people to get something you want. it's not selfish or rude. it's "extremely motivated". lying? slander? obscenity? no. 'free speech'. stealing? try 'borrowing'. or how bout our kids being disobedient and out of control. nah...they're just 'a.d.d.' these are just a few examples. the list keeps going and going...
I, as a believer in Jesus the Christ, God come down to man to save him from himself, am called to confess - to stop complaining and bickering about this dark world I inhabit and admit that I'm a contributor to the problem. That the corrupt politician or religious hypocrite, the prostitute or drug-addicted homeless degenerate, gangbanger or yuppie snob is no better or worse than myself. Together: We are the invalid in search of health. We are the thirsty in search of drink. We are the hungry in search of food. We are the imprisoned in search of freedom. We are the dead in search of life. Then why, if I am deathly ill, do I pretend to have a cure? Why, if I am starving, do I pretend to own a diner? To give the thirsty drink when I myself am parched? To play warden when I am behind bars? And to raise the dead when I'm confined to a coffin? Isn't He the only One who can impart Life? To forgive? To Love. How am I any different than you?
"Love others as I first Loved YOU," He says. "Love ME and your neighbor as yourself - this is the meaning of life," He says.
the first step toward being one who loves is to admit that we NEED to be loved - but not foundationally by others, but by self and God. He said it. not me. and this not because we deserve it or because it's ours by right. but because we recognize our true state - that we DON'T deserve it. that we can be cold-hearted bitches and bastards who exploit and manipulate and charade. and any ounce of love or freedom that we experience is the gift of heat that sets ablaze the fuel of redemption hidden in our hearts, reminding us of who we really are beneath our superficial exterior. to truly be ourselves, we need to forget ourselves. it's all backwards. i'm learning this now. and i need my perspective to be altered drastically if there is to be any hope that emanates from my life beyond just lip service. i need to let go of that which binds me. the darkness i have bottled up inside. the rancid inner decay that is sucking me dry and feeding the entropic principle that is killing my brothers and sisters in humanity. i am contagious and i want to be cured before my disease infects others.
"Mind the world that's dying, it isn't yours to kill....Look around...it's what you will" - these convicting lyrics from Chuck Ragan's album Los Feliz, in conjunction with the following passage from John, instigated the spiritual 'infighting' that led me to submit myself to this time of self-reflection:
"For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him. There is no judgment against anyone who believes in him. But anyone who does not believe in him has already been judged for not believing in God's one and only Son.And the judgment is based on this fact: God's light came into the world, but people loved the darkness more than the light, for their actions were evil. All who do evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will be exposed. But those who do what is right come to the light so others can see that they are doing what God wants."
John 3:16-21
And so for freedom's sake, I step out of the darkness and into the light through confession. I confess: That I am a part of the problem. I'm cynical. I'm judgmental. I'm defensive. I have built up walls around me to keep people out because I don't trust anyone to actually care. I have no faith in anyone but myself. I am self-righteous. I look down on the weak-willed who have no respect for themselves or others. I look at them not with restoring eyes of compassion but with daggers of condescending pride and pity. I don't give them any ounce of grace or dignity. I do not love as I am loved. I talk trash on people who have wronged me. I claim to Love as my friend, my Savior, my Master does me...but do I? nope. is he truly my Master? My friend. B.S. He's more like my servant and my 'pal' who i can hang out with for a few minutes then toss Him to the side when i'm sick of Him. thats the way i treat Him and others who demand more than just the scraps from my plate. instead of extending an empathetic hand to people in an invitation into warmth, i choose to push them outside into the cold where they're left to suffer or die (because they deserve it and i don't). so as long as i'm okay, we're all good. my time is mine. my decisions are made to benefit me and those i choose to bless and i'm absolutely entitlted to do so. it's my life and if i keep it in order - as i'm supposed to - with my wise, morally astute decision making - i am justified to distance myself from a pathetic world of self-promoting zealots. (and i'm not one). if they need a doctor, let them fix themselves or find their own doctor who's willing to put up with their crap. consequence is a bitch and she bites hard. if it's a product of their own doing, let 'em have it. i preach Grace but have very little of it living in my brain. I am not content with what I have. I want more. I'm impatient. I'm rude. I worry about the future. A lot. I don't trust God. I doubt. I question everything, believe strongly in a few things yet somehow I think I know all there is to know. I'm lazy. I care about what others think about me sometimes doing or saying things that stem from a need for acceptance than from the integrity of self. but not tonight. tonight, i purge myself of darkness to make room for what i hope will be redemption. if i have no room for redemption, i am the black plague and every flower i touch will yield withering pedals and leaves to the wind of time. I am the darkness and I am culpable. I contribute to the depravity of this planet and what hell we experience here on earth that I so readily condemn and complain about and I am sorry....i feel extremely ugly after this. like after puking. but i think its necessary. regardless of where you live, or if youre a stranger or not, my actions, however big or small, affect you in some way (the price of community). and so i ask for your forgiveness. and prayer...
"Then the Lord God called to the man, 'Where are you?'" Genesis 3:9
my brother is leaving for iraq in a couple of days for his 2nd term there (for one more year). whether you believe in it or not, please pray for him and our troops over there. it's not only a huge material conflict where bodies are destroyed or saved and hearts are broken or freed but even more than that, this is a conflict of the soul for everyone. there is a bigger picture to be seen. the spirit realm is as real as the wind that rustles through the leaves of trees. cause and effect. and this war is bringing the spiritual world to the forefront. where there is war...there is not only concentrated evil that seeks to enslave, torture and destroy...but concentrated good that is only concerned with the protection and liberation of life so that it might flourish. war exposes the weakness of the armor of immortality we wear. we see that it is too thin. we are aware of ourselves. of life's fragility. we are aware of God. of the enemy. of evil. of good. and when we look into the face of evil we see ourselves for who we truly are... do we look away and pretend its not there, allowing it to murder - hoping that our 'pacifism' gains its respect, earning our right to life? do we look at it with weak eyes and run away? do we ask it in for tea, give it a nice seat on the couch in the living room while our family sleeps, hoping we haven't sold our family into slavery to its perverse will? or do we stare it in the face and come whatever lies ahead, sacrifice ourselves for our neighbors...our friends...our family...doing whatever it takes - whether we succeed or not - in keeping it from hurting the innocent? i'm reminded of what maximus said in gladiator: "what we do in this life echoes in eternity"...and from our actions echo the voice of life or the voice of death. what flows from you? now about this particular war - consider this:
if you're against it, admit that you might be wrong. that it's absolutely possible that this might be a good war that was necessary in ridding the world of evil and that the collateral damage, though horrible, might have been calculated and worth it for the benefit of the world of lives affected by the liberation of iraq. who knows what the future holds? there is hope. regardless of what motives led us there - we're there and leave room in your intellectually honest mind to admit that maybe...just maybe...we were destined to be there for a greater cause and it might prove to have been, though mismanaged and imprecise, yes...but nonetheless, a moral imperative. it's possible. now, on the contrary...if you're for it, admit that its absolutely possible that the decision to go might have been predicated upon the mercenary appetite of corrupt politicians aloof to the longterm consequence that has not only affected iraq and our men and women in uniform but the world at large. it's been costly for all of us and most of all to those who have lost their lives. it will continue to be. admit that it is possible that we might have been wrong in going there. it's possible that it was a grave miscalculation and in retrospect, that we shouldn't have taken the risk. it's possible.
but the question i ask to both of you...so what? based on the information we had - however corrupt it may have been - (and we all had the same information) - dems, republicans and independents alike came to the same conclusion. that we should go. and now we're there. on false pretense or not. i can make a decent argument for why i supported the war by bringing up the countless u.n. resolutions that saddam defied or the u.n. food-for-oil scam that uncovered, upon our invasion, saddam's exasterbation of the impoverished plight of the iraqi people who were supposed to be getting rationed food and water in exchange for international oil sales, but was held back from them to fatten Saddam's wallet and apparently the wallet of high ranking world officials...(france, russia and the u.n. itself are to have been involved)...or saddam's funding of suicide bombers' families and the funding and sustainance of terrorist training camps... or the highly controversial- done-deal - favorite media soundbite of the decade 'weapons of mass destruction' bit. and they either a) never existed or b) were destroyed or c) lay dormant in another country. whatever. we'll keep looking and we may or may not ever find any. it'll work itself out. but nevermind all of that. it's all in the past. and what do i know? i'm a moderately ignorant layman like everyone else who gets his information from biased sources whose investments lie with who knows what or who? whether the bush/iraq conspiracies are true or not and regardless of what the media and power-hungry politicans are telling us, WHAT DOES IT MATTER NOW? we're there. and if we leave, people will be massacred. terrorism prevails. i'm sick of the arguing. the propaganda coming from both sides is murder by crossfire. i don't know what to believe. but what i DO KNOW is that evil needs to be destroyed. it cannot be pacified and allowed the freedom to strip us of our freedom.
"All it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do NOTHING" - Edmund Burke
my brother is doing something and so are his friends. and i DO KNOW their motives are for good - to help...not to kill innocence, but to snuff the world of evil to prevent it from killing you and me. war is sometimes necessary. WWII for instance. (and while the world hurled insults at Winston Churchill for his unabashed judgment of Adolf Hitler as a dictator that needed to be stopped, Hitler, while proclaiming peace to the applause of the world, subversively began scheming his homicidal domination. 6 million plus lives later, it was too late...) sure...that's history, BUT is THIS war necessary? this specific one in iraq? I DON'T KNOW. but my brother will be there and he wants to do good. and that's all i need to know to support him and his brothers and sisters in arms. p.s. one thing that i notice that is missing from this world is humility. self-righteousness and arrogance are the parents of terrorism. ironically, they share a filial relationship with the general population of anti-war protesters (not all) who seem to have been given up for adoption to mr. and mrs. comfort.
i confess that i tend to be often cynical and skeptical but this blew me away. after viewing this clip, the wind was knocked out of me. children get it. adults ignore it. we learn to cope with the constant pain and disappointment we discover in life by rationalizing God away. if God is *really* good, then, we argue, we wouldn't experience pain or confusion or disappointment. so we become, as a friend put it, practical atheists. if not altogether atheistic. or we simply just transfer our faith in God to faith in ourselves or gods of our own design. but our beliefs do not dictate reality. just as much as opening or closing the blinds hanging over our windows does not make what is outside go away. nor will the tree outside become red if we tint our window with red film because we don't like the color green. who are we kidding? whether we accept it or not, there is a transcendent order that exists independently of ourselves. as we grow older, we become professionals of manipulation and alter our perspectives accordingly to see what we want to see or we cover our eyes to make it go away. when the God we want to be nothing more than a vending machine who exists to give us what we want when want it doesn't turn out to be the pushover we took Him for, we cry unfair, discovering that life is rougher and more complex than we once thought. and when wounded by this reality, we spite Him with unbelief or rebellion. instead, we chase after pallatable answers that only agree with our tongues regardless if they do or do not agree with our stomachs. but ignoring questions of faith or outright choosing unbelief, in my opinion, only damns your heart to a life further from heaven and closer to hell. after much questioning and doubting and reasoning, i can with an unswerving confidence affirm that i do believe in the existence of God. furthermore, i believe He is good and fair. just and merciful. beautiful and strong. powerful and humble. both master and servant. He is the Great Paradox. and i believe that he is actively pursuing the perfection of my character rather than the pampering of my feelings. most importantly i do believe His name is Jesus and I believe that He, if we are willing, can and will free us from whatever is suffocating our spirits if we only let Him, delivering us into the safe arms of peace and warmth and beauty as the storm of life swirls around us. And I believe that all other gods are at best clever but inferior lies with the intent to distract and divide. yet somehow each one of them can't help but kneel to the glory of God - even having fragments of truth within them that unintentionally glorify the Truth. oh to be a kid again. to experience the magic of belief untainted by cynicism. man have i become jaded. this is probably why i loved the movie children of men. okay. enough rambling. watch this cnn clip. i'm in awe. i have a lot of unlearning to do. kids are awesome. this one is a miracle that i am unable to fathom.
there seems to be some confusion among christians concerning the meaning of grace. sadly, most believers i know use it to justify their reckless behavior instead of humbly receiving it as a gift that demands due responsibility. grace is a liberating force with requirements. it is not the half ass nor indiscriminate free-for-all we tend to believe it is. it certainly does not release us into the treacherous arms of social anarchy. rather, it delivers us from the empty bondage of self indulgence and furls us into the bond service of social integrity. if grace exists in our lives, then the redemptive work within the intrapersonal must affect the interpersonal - otherwise we make ourselves liars and the truth is not in us. but if imparted in us is the willful and joyful adherence to jesus' greatest commandment to love thy neighbor as thyself (and thereby love God) then the grace is true. conversely, if we feel we have, by inherited right, the liberty to do whatever we want when we want, regardless, then the grace is perceived. listen: where there is no obedience, there is no grace. it's that simple. grace restores broken hearts. it does not give license to break hearts.
anyone who continues to look out for number one without care or concern for the people around them is in danger of dying in this life and waking up to eternal loneliness and hopelessness in the next. those who sew hell on earth will reap it. grace doesn't cover those who only want it, but only those who recognize they need it.
"You can be certain that in the last days there will be some very hard times. People will love only themselves and money. They will be proud, stuck-up, rude, and disobedient to their parents. They will also be ungrateful, godless, heartless, and hateful. Their words will be cruel, and they will have no self-control or pity. These people will hate everything that is good. They will be sneaky, reckless, and puffed up with pride. Instead of loving God, they will love pleasure. Even though they will make a show of being religious, their religion won't be real. Don't have anything to do with such people."
if you're feeling stressed or burned out or tired or empty...especially due to finals or the holiday season or whatever...if youre feeling dead....be reminded that there is life in abundant supply out there. its there...you just have to open your mind to it. awareness can change your life.
see...our culture breeds machines. we're raised to consume and everything we've done and continue to do from school to holiday celebration is for the purpose of contributing to the capitalist machine. this is not a value judgment. its simply what is. we've been molded to consume. its how our economy works. in order to feed your appetite for luxury, you buy something. (yes...even buying a precooked turkey at ralphs is a luxury. you dont have to raise it (or hunt for it), kill it, skin it and cook it yourself - no- you drive 5 miles, walk into an air-conditioned building and buy it.) and as for our 'education', would the mainstream have us go to school to grow into the cosmopolitans we were created to be - encouraging us to take the paths in pursuit of our passions birthed by the transcendent order - at any expense? even social stigmatization or financial forfeit? nope. it pressures us to follow the path toward what it wants us to be. in order to feel worthy, we have to go to the 'right' school to learn the 'right' trade that will make us the 'right' amount of money so we can live in the 'right' house in the 'right' city - married to mr. or mrs. 'right'. on top of that, we have to drive the 'right' car and wear the 'right' clothes. the mainstream isn't concerned with personal integrity. that's a joke. if that were so we would be going to school for the purpose of sharpening our skills so that we might be able to give something excellent to society for its betterment. instead, we learn to jump through hoops so we can contribute to society as heartless robots caught up in competition with a masters degree in performance. once we graduate, we skillfully take money from the system and pump it back in at the satisfaction of our peripheral desires. we're good at selling people stuff they don't need for prices they can't afford. and reared as vending machine button pushers, if we give, many times it's because we expect something in return. is this how we think we're supposed to operate?
maybe the mother of the beast is our time...we're so strictly regimented that we have to schedule in time to breathe. we have to be in bed by 10pm in order to get up at 4am so we can be at work by 5am. then we work til 6pm. when we get home, we rest from 7pm - 9pm. then eat at 9 only to be back in bed by 10. repeat. everyday. our time is thin - so our relationships - which we have no time to invest in - are thin. so it makes sense that we resort to strategizing in order to satiate our appetite for fulfillment - often vicariously - by any means that will give us a quick fix. we're so busy enslaving ourselves to our schedules in the name of 'comfort' (how ironic), we lose sight of the richness and freedom of life that only our weekends tease us with. our time and money control us and we must perform to appease both.
i believe, in this cultural framework, that we almost feel subconsciously that it's our duty to perform...and as we all know, a good performance in our relationships = less conflict...and in the work world it means mo money. and less problems + mo money = a good life. and this is where the reprecussions manifest themselves....because it is this mentality that greatly affects our relationships. maybe without us realizing it. how often do we do stuff FOR people instead of WITH people and if it's not that, do we take FROM them instead of giving TO them...and if we are giving, do we do so for the purpose of attaining a higher status with them - to win their approval - to reach a 'hero' status in their eyes? do we do what we do, stripped of any alterior motives, because we genuinely care about the peace of their souls? if this is not our drive in life - to cultivate joy in the people that our lives intersect with - regardless of ourselves, then do you think this is why we feel so empty sometimes? God lives in the heart of our relationships. He's not concerned with games. He's present in deep, honest, warm, redeeming, unconditional but tough human interaction. and thats what our culture is missing! we are human BEings...not human DOings! the remedy for the depressed is not always a pill. maybe its relational interaction and contribution. life isnt as simple as merely sustaining the livelihood of our families anymore through hunting and gathering and fireside chats. no...our stomachs are full. we're comfortable and we like it. so comfort becomes our manifest destiny. and thats what weve trained ourselves to 'need' and at any cost: comfort. for 40+ hours a week we toil but our appetites are growing bigger than our stomachs. so we dine in a vaccum - always eating but never feeling full. and as a result, our minds and hearts are continually hungry...so we chase after empty, lesser unnatural things and we wonder what the cure is. this is our woe: we mistake the spiritual for the material.
listen...
our rigid always doing something business minded schedules dull life. we want color in HD but we settle for black and white. we're living life practically and way too fast and its affecting our relationships. sooo....
slow down a bit...take a break from your work and doing whatever it is youre doing... and rest. then go ahead and get back in the saddle. its no wonder that jesus' second greatest command next to loving God is to love thy neighbor as thyself - and not coincidentally, doing this in turn, loves God. so love yourself and rest in the knowledge of God...recharge your soul by finding time to enjoy the good things in your life that God has blessed you with and be thankful for them. take care of yourself! ironically, this will affect the depth of your relationships more than anything. just make sure you take time to be still and know that God is God. listen to the voice of the transcendent ...even if you dont believe...maybe you've been so distracted by the superfluous that you've stripped away any possibility of God's existence. rest in the knowledge that youre not in control. that you are Loved by Him more than by anything or anyone ever has or will be able to. and if you dont believe this, youre listening to lies. lies inject pain and brainwash with frustration. these are not God. slow down and enjoy the beauty He infused into life. everything in the created order is sacred. God reveals Himself through His creation. He gave us color...so let your eyes enjoy it. He gave us sound so let your ears absorb it. He gave us smell, taste, touch...revel in them! listen to music. lay on your back and watch the stars. eat food slowly and enjoy the taste. go get a massage. watch the sunset. drive 65 mph. hug someone. read. write. draw. listen to the wind. watch a movie. go smell whatever it is you like smelling. inhale it. close your eyes and take deep breaths. dream. light a candle. take a hot shower or bath. heck...make a to do list if you have to then get back to it later (seems counterideal...but its actually helpful) whatever! just slow down! quiet your mind and rest...enjoy God...then give freely and warmly to someone else...
beauty wins over pragmatism. dude....it's christmas!
maybe its just the oc subsection of california. but i cant stand it. i do not apologize if this comes across judgmental because judgmentalism isnt always bad. without judgment, we would not be able to discern right from wrong. this being said - i cant stand christians who are caught up in the mtv morally ambiguous fashion-centric image glorifying lifestyle. get over yourselves and your hungry egos. why some churches are more like country clubs or los angeles dance clubs (straight out of laguna beach: the real oc) instead of meeting places that foster raw relationships between down to earth persevering people boggles my mind. its one of the biggest reasons why i have been pushed away from church. i cant stand the trite social groups that have formed within the sunday morning (and now saturday/sunday evening) 'church' structure that dominates this south land. where the self-proclaimed social elite congregate with pride invested in their talents and/or sense of style. these people keep outsiders at a distance because their self-righteous heads are too far above the clouds to notice those of us who desire to be firmly grounded. rather than pursuing a humility that emanates from their character in invitation, they revel in arrogance. maybe even ignorantly? i dont know. im just disgusted by image chasing christians. whether its chasing after the image of the world - trying to be cool or relevant or whatever or chasing after the image of the pharissee, thirsting for the praise of men for their super spirituality...regardless... selling personal fortitude in exchange for socio-cultural acceptance is disgusting. and within a christian framework, its absolutely oxymoronic. so stop trying so hard. you are not defined by the who you're trying to sell but by the who you're trying so hard to hide. sacrifice your superegos and pay attention to the void of the world around you. please. ... and i will do the same.
if this resonates with you - check out this group: Anti-Churchianity
this morning an acquaintance of mine and a brother to good friends of mine (figuratively) was found dead this morning. a brain aneurysm seems to be the most likely cause. his name is joe and he was the guitarist for the band miss leota who plays often with my friends' band phinehas. ive seen him play and have only had head nodding "what's up" exchanges and very brief conversations with him on a fingerful of occasions. but my friends who knew him talked very highly of him. and from what i knew of him - from being in his presence - he had a very steady relaxed demeanor. a genuinely affable guy. i dont know enough to go on...but in some small way he did make a positive impression on me. and as i write this i think of how funny it is how little i knew him yet how he did leave an indelible mark on my life - however small it may have been. and i know this because when i think of him - my mind immediately brings up warm memories of him - however distant and impersonal they may be. a pony-tailed big dude who always sported black. crossed his arms in conversation and smiled a lot. and though not the center of attention by any means - i remember him laughing. i know these are vague descriptions and don't cut to the core of who the man was...but regardless...his loss...however low the volume compared to the loss his true friends and family must be feeling ...is felt. its surreal. it goes without saying, but please pray for joe's family and friends. he is no longer with them and i can't begin to contemplate what they must be going through. a taste of hell i imagine. man....these are the times where the trite isnt so trite after all. where the trite is deep felt and real to the heart...mourn with those who mourn. be quick to listen and slow to anger. you dont have to forget - but forgive. by God, forgive. love your neighbor as yourself - even your enemies. treasure life. slow down and revel in the beauty of the details that channel to your heart by way of the senses. and by God, be thankful. a life lived in thanks is a life lived in full. and what good is love if you dont let those you love know it? by actions or words? all that sounds like crap to those who are in a state of perceived perpetual comfort - but to those who know loss - it's truth.
very rarely do i encounter empathetic dialogue where someone genuinely wants to understand the point of view of another. its like a war of the wills using weapons of condescension rather than the exchange and evaluation of ideas. not that we must side with or agree with one another - but i think it would be wise to seek to understand one another and introduce ourselves to the whys behind the whats. we're all coming from different frames of reference. born to different parents at different times in different places and exposed to different experiences, different people and different ideas. not to mention our genetic dispositions and personalites. we've all been shaped by what we have had no control over. we interact with one another - i hope - in pursuit of truth. that is as much as we can ascertain. and the quest is sobering as the core of our existence...the mystery behind the material - the question of origin and destination - transcends the senses. and the thing is - no one knows 100 percent for sure that their belief system is the correct one. not christians. not buddhists. not muslims. not atheists. all that we believe, we believe on faith. faith being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. so really...its an investment in what we do not 'know'. so why do we become so empassioned when arguing our case? usually it's because we think we have a monopoly on truth. and that truth we hold onto so tightly influences our hearts and our hearts - our behavior. and the intertwining of our motives and actions define us. so to challenge what we hold to be true is to threaten our egos with murder. at this point, it's fight or flight. so emotions become heightened and we fight to retain our identities. but we forget that our senses and personal logic fail us often. the very egos we should be trying to see beyond end up imprisoning us to the tiny insignificant world of self absorption and stubborn independence. but intuition aside, though never fully conclusive, there is reason and logic that bolsters the integrity of a belief. and we all must choose to believe something. a belief in nothingness is impossible. because nothingness is in itself, something. and however liberated we might assume our minds to be, they're not. as cognitive beings, we are bound to belief. and no matter the object of our faith or what attire it's fashioned in, we all have it and i dare say it's impossible to be completely without it. i mean...even in the smallest degree - to sit on a chair is a display of faith - that the chair will hold you. it's inescapable.
i believe the point of life is to grow - to capture the correct essence of truth as much as possible so that we might have a correct understanding of the universe we inhabit and live our lives in the fullness that our potential demands of us. the beginning of this, i think, is that we must realize that we're all human. and no one is better than the other. (well...depending on the state of the heart...the man who is hell bent on destroying life - though he is not without the hope of redemption - is, i think, in a worse condition than the man whose heart yearns to love) regardless, we're all on the same sinking ship grasping at answers to our questions. but i do think that, while religious labels are tied to very real, immeasurably valuable evolutionary personalities, the belief system that dictates the label - be it 'christian' or 'muslim' or 'atheist' - can be evaluated and judged on its own - without getting personal. i believe that christianity, as a thought system, in terms of philosophical, historical, scientific and thelogical coherence, is far superior to anything else that vies for the universal throne of truth...which is why i place my faith (certainty in that which i can't see) in Jesus as my spiritual liberator. to me, a faith in Jesus and not in myself or whoever...is the most sturdy decision I could make. and i use the word 'most' carefully. and that's me. all i can offer you is personal honesty and the truth as i see it.
again, our ship is sinking. now how do we make the most out of the time we have? how will we respond when we peer into the face of death? and what awaits us after our vessel goes down? the only irreversible absolute certainty that we have in this life is death. and only when our eyes close for all eternity, will the Truth be revealed. the material will be stripped away and our total selves will be exposed to the spiritual abyss. no argument or cunning rhetoric can save us then.
many conversations at work and amongst friends over the last few weeks have drifted toward sexuality. unprovoked by myself. which caused me to reflect on how sad our current state is. and this is the very reason i'm posting this. listen. we need to talk. based on what dialogue i've shared with my peeps, and what is continually propagated via the mass media, it's glaringly apparent that sex is no more than a sport to most people. a conquest. an impersonal recreational activity. an orgasm in this framework is the zenith of sexual triumph over utilitarian bodies as opposed to the deepest expression of intertwined intimacy with another human being. as relational beings, we crave intimacy - to know and to be known - to love and to be loved - to commune with the divine nature of another - but we whore our total selves to usury - chasing after illusions. content with 'wham-bam! thank you ma'am. now what's your name again?' - experiences. are genuine people really that rare? people who care more about others than superficial self gratification regardless of consequence? or are we all addicted to communion free sex? or is sex the temporary fix that holds us until we find what we're looking for? whatever the case, it has torn our collective hearts to shreds. it has left us with a generation of hurting children with absent fathers and lonely mothers. with disease and abortion and emotional cancer. all a product of love's void. if it were love, we would know it. love is not a harmless spectator. nor is it always warm feelings toward another. its much more than that. love is a fighter. it charges after the object of its affection through hell to redeem it, disregarding all rationale and consequence. it knows no master other than total commitment. and so love makes its home 'in poverty and in wealth. in sickness and in health. until death do us part.' where our culture lives, however, is in the murderous arms of lust. lust is exciting, sure. but it knows only to take and take without offering anything in return. it runs away when something is required of it - 'til hardship do us part'. and i'm not so sure if people are actually having love infused sex. i think they are willingly using each other. in not so many words - raping and giving themselves to be raped (and i'm not talking in the explicitly physical sense) all for pleasure's sake and nothing more. it's disinterested in the personal and infatuated with the physical. and once it gets what it wants, when it wants it, it leaves the beloved tied to the tracks. and i know that everyone wants something more than this - everyone wants that one, true, self-sacrificing, everlasting love - but we settle. and we settle with each other. is it because we don't believe love is out there for us? it is. but are we willing to listen for it? or will we always be content with settling for momentary ecstasy that leaves the heart lonely and the body in a vaccum of dissatisfaction - always craving more but never being filled? don't we really want people to connect with and not apathetic bodies? we're better than this people. you're better than this. you have something to give. you are worth more than your body.
"you motherf***ers don't know how to act. go ahead be gone" (this is a line from that justin timberlake song that i find ironically appropriate)
i don't feel like devoting my time to good grammar or thorough sentences right now...so bear with me. i'm about to go to bed. i just want to get this out before i do. okay. now that that's clear, i'll begin. (no pretense in my game) i work the graveyard shift. i love it. first break is at 10pm - this is 15 minutes long and the time i eat lunch. this consists of edamame and a sandwich. which i enjoy immensely. then our actual lunch break is at 1230am - we have 30 minutes and being that by this time, i have already consumed my lunch, i have free time. so i hit the internet...check baseball scores, gmail and myspace ritually. i then logoff, go out to my car, grab my earthboard and skate to the truck yard where i cruise listening to my ipod with my eyes transfixed on the evening sky - embedded with glorious stars. as i ride, i enrapture myself with the sensation of the blanketing wind and regardless of what music is playing - it pours into my ears and finds its rightful home in my heart and throws a party. sometimes by the fireplace. sometimes on the dance floor. and so i skate...pumping steadily...gazing upward...with my heart lulled or set on fire by my music (tonight it was a mix of radiohead, louis armstrong, oakenfold and killswitch. and i dont care what you think of these musicians. i love them all). after 5 minutes of cruising (its become my ritual), i find a dimly lit spot on the concrete in the corner of the trailer yard between trailers (i work at a warehouse..and outside the warehouse is a truck yard where about 20 trailers are backed into dock doors for loading/unloading) and i lay down on my board and stargaze for the next 15 minutes - looking for shooting stars - meditating on God and life and people and the awe and complexity of existence itself. (the purity and constancy of the stars testify to the transcendent life we all thirst for). and i have the soundtrack of the purest level of human communication through music scoring my evening - giving a pulse to my nights. its amazing really. then i go back to work with a renewed perspective - aware that the guys i work with have a place in the heart of the God who holds the same glorious stars i just enjoyed watching...giving them more awesomeness to admire despite their already apparent awesomeness...flaws and all. and i work with joy and return home in the early morning hours. usually from 330am - 530am. and depending on what time i get home, i get on my black beach cruiser - pump up the music once again - and cruise behind my apartment complex (well...its not so much a cruise) - and pump as steadily as i can up a gnarley hill. and you know...its tough. but through doing this, ive really learned what power the mind wields. i'll be peddling like a madman up the hill and along the way, i'll make goals for myself - "okay...go hard, then take it easy at the 3rd lightpost..." heavy breathing ensues. my leg muscles tire. my heart is threatening to rip through my chest if i dont slow it down. but NO...thats not how its supposed to be done. go hard and keep going hard. but steady. you can't restrict your mind. you have to allow it to be free from limitation or its potential wont be realized. the mind feeds the heart - the heart feeds the will. convince yourself that you cant and you wont. convince yourself that you can and you will. and sometimes its best not to think at all...just do it! the last two times i've ridden, i shattered my goals because i retrained my mind. i just kept going and i owned it. ineptness is the fault of our minds. not our hearts. or our abilities. we have to ignore the lies that would have us give up so easily. if we only knew. so anyway, i would ride hard and arrive at the top of the hill - in plain view of an absolutely open downhill slope. no cars. (its 4 in the morning) the city lights warmly glowing in the distance against a black sky. its just me, my bike, the street and the lights. so i get to the top and i'm rewarded with the downhill ride. i take off and let the wind enwrap me. sometimes i'll ride without hands and stretch my arms out like meg ryan in city of angels (dont judge me...kidding) other times, i'll slalom down, weaving as fast i can through the street reflectors or curb to curb. its a ton of fun. and tonight my ipod jumped around from playing promiscuous girl by nelly furtado to the dawn breaks by officer negative. so i was riding to some pretty intense stuff. ha. it was epic. then i got home and worked out and now i'm sitting on my couch typing this, as my ipod just died...and now i'm goin to bed. thanks for reading. pretty ramble-icious. and...i'm out. off to bed. and its 724 in the am. awesome. goodnight.
as i walk down city streets, listening to city beats, a steady rhythm seeps through the urban upholstery - i feel the palpitations calling me.
stop. pause and reflect - i retreat to absorb the mental pattern - the collaboration of feet and concrete, engines and social taverns - signals that change, the collection of change, social exchange - my mind is rearranged by the cues of ontological symmetry. these city blocks - they speak to me. i'm aware of the mystery. but what about the people surrounding me?
to and fro people go, their destinations unknown - with the pitter patter of step after shady step, they search for me. under the breath of electricity, business remains empty, so in cars and city bars, they continue their pursuit of me. but have they checked the stars where they would find the pure voice of me? the universe is alive with the pulse of me - an echo from the invitation of eternity.
though many procede aloof to the truth and free from absolutes, i continue to haunt them as i have since the days of their youth. waiting for them to come to me. each beat of their heart is a knock from me. but in their numbness and pain, pride and desire for gain, they climb to their rooftops and in thunder and rain, they shout to me - 'yo, where's the proof? why won't you speak to me?!'
haven't you been listening to me? relax your mind and come walk with me. i'll show you a world longing to hear, but stubborn with fear - willfully unaware of me.
lo, from the stars to the city bars, i've been in the midst of thee. let go - pay ear to the rhythm and come chill with me.
in batman begins, (an excellent movie by the way) batman asserts, "it's not who i am underneath, but what i do that defines me". this is not true. what you do is NOT what defines you. who you ARE is what defines you. and who you are then dictates what you do. if we were the sum of our actions, we would have no definition. we're human. we sometimes screw up. and sometimes we manage to do good. we can't pick and choose to let our good actions or our bad actions define us. whatever they may be. otherwise our 'defined' lives would look like a beautiful oil painting - rich in detail, warm in tone, defined in style, yet covered and stained with blotches of oil splattered across the canvas - a product of both our genius and schizophrenic fits. yes...there is beauty underneath...but there too exists ugliness. on the same canvas. you can't separate the two. to view it properly is to view the whole. follow me?
on the converse, fight club's compass points in the right direction: you are NOT your job. you are NOT your clothes. you are NOT your music. ...or your car. or your home. or your money. or your looks. or even your family. you are NOT what you do.
relative to our definition of who we 'are' - is our view of life's purpose. why do we have to constantly kick our apathetic asses by reaffirming the value of life through a trite mcdonald's version of 'carpe diem' with the 'hey! life is short...live it up!...enjoy it while it lasts!' philosophy? i admit that its something that i sometimes stumble into a daily adoption of. but this too is a lie. (this relates, i swear) you see...'life is short' is nearly fatalistic thinking. your life is NOT short. it is eternal. the life of our deteriorating bodies is short but isn't that what we leave behind? we were destined to be free. we spend our lives chasing after the shadow of freedom when the freedom lies within us - the freedom that only God Himself can unlock. but we are captives to ourselves and He will not force us free. it must be by our own volition. by our choice. by our desire. and if our desire is to be let out of our self-created prison, then all we need to do is ask God for the key. and once out, we will find ourselves in the middle of something amazing. a transcendent cosmic war for the hearts of all men and women that has been raging since the dawn of time and will carry on until time's death. for truth whispers to us from beyond the grave and seeks us now in the present, hoping to whisk us into this epic adventure with raised fists....an adventure bigger than ourselves and bigger than the alloted time of our limited bodies. for when our bodies fail, we will live on. our actions may make a dent in our material existence and their vibrations do impact the unseen...but our actions, in and of themselves, are not eternal. but they emanate from our eternal beings. we...in the present state....are. we are not human doings. we are human beings. our job...so to speak...is to just 'be'. and that is the secret to life. to be still. and know. know that God is God. and to live in that warm light...reflecting Him as the moon reflects the sun in the darkness of night. to listen. to trust. to obey. ...a word we all hate...but our obedience only requires that we spread love at all costs (no...not warm fuzzy feelings...but a ravaging redemption that restores broken and hardened hearts to hearts that beat warmly and steadily...as if lulled by a fireside nap on the beach under the glory of the stars and to the sound of rustling waves...a love that ravenously defends and protects the weak and smites those things that smite life) and when this is realized by us, through us, God can heal the world. He wants to. but we're too foolhardy to let this happen. we're too caught up in the debilitating lies of the world. we're rendered ineffective. sin has taken its toll. so the world suffers. and all thats required is that we let go.
our power is limited because we limit ourselves. we enslave ourselves to pride in human accomplishment. to ingenuity. to intelligence. to portfolios and resumes. to dollars. sex. food. drink. status. power. anger. self-pity. you name it. our handicap is our identity crisis. we are not what we own or what we indulge in. these things do not define us. nor are we what we do or what we've done. it's foolish to judge a man or woman by these superficialities. things aren't always what they seem. for example, a good hearted janitor is no more important than a good hearted C.E.O. but in a society that gives value to accomplishment, some of us would have a hard time admitting that. deep inside, there's a part of us that worships the ceo and pities the janitor. but this is an illusion. a lie. self worth is inherent to all of humanity. everyone has their role to play. its not necessarily what we do but how well we do it that offers testament to who we truly are. and it all flows from the wellspring of the heart. this is what truly matters. the heart is what God sees and what He weighs. the person with 1 talent is no better than the person with 5. so long as one's whole heart is infused into one's allotment. i believe that when we realize this core truth...when we strip ourselves of our masks...we will be able to live freely. there will be no room for condescending motives that stem from comparison games. no room for professional shame. when we know who we truly are - in light of God - we will be able to look upon a good janitor with the same admiration as a good king or a good musician. let us smile upon those who dedicate themselves whole heartedly to the meaning behind their endeavors and not to the endeavors themselves. we must forget ourselves in a world preoccupied with self so we can truly be ourselves to be as effective as possible in redeeming our world. word?
word.
p.s. ideas change as we learn more. they can solidify or sit or change. and we can't learn unless we're corrected or introduced to new information. so i admit i might be wrong or be unintentionally inconsistent in dealing with some things. so if you notice anything ever, please criticize. i love criticism. i want to learn. thanks.
Currently
listening
:
Real Gone
By
Tom Waits
Release date: 05 October, 2004
