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OC-Interview
I:There are – my mother refused to do it –
S: Why?
I: She says, "Well, am I going to meet the person who's interviewing me?" This guy, Gary, who is, like the most well mannered guy on the planet and I'm like um, "Well, no" and I go, "I think you'd be a really cool perspective because you're like a strong woman whose gotten, a Guggenheim, and a Fellow Fullbright." She's really, y'know, she's (germanic accent) "N- I won't do it! I don't wannna do it!" and I was like (muttered) "Well, fine you don't have to fuckin' do it, but"
S: Does she have an accent, honey / your mother?
I: My mother? / Yeah, yeah.
S: Yeah
I: That's really how this whole project, for me, I came up with the idea – it came about, was because I went to see my – I mean, I was living here at the time, and I went to ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Vienna to see my, like, my mom, and I realised, when I saw her there, like, "God, I will never know who my mom is." And then I started, remember, I was always fascinated by the guys selling bannanas at the side of the streets here, and thinking, "What is their fuckin' life about?" / Y'know
S: What's there story?
I: And then I thought to myself, "Why do I judge that person selling bannanas at the side of the – like, why do I think I'm better than that person whose selling bannanas at the side of the street?" and, and then I remember when I directed "Skin" I said, "I have – we should all go out and talk to these people and ask them: 'What does love mean to you – what does y'know, G-God mean to you?'" and then, to try to – 'cause, ultimately, my belief is, everybody will say the same thing, whether they're- selling bannanas or they're, y'know – on the, Trumps of the world, everyone has a similar desire to be loved, so, what happened was, at the elections, we were all so frustrated with what was going on, and so angry, and we said, "We have to do something that voices our opinion" and part of the thing was I – I never understood why people liked America – I was like, "How can you like it? Bush sucks! What about all the shit we do in the world? We're baaad people." Not bad people, but we're not a good country.
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Then I met, like, this guy who was, uhhm – my food delivery guy, and he was from Africa, and he – I said to him – "Oh, my God," and he said he's from Africa, he's delivering food, he makes $900 a week delivering food in Manhattan, he said if was a cabdriver, he'd be killed 'cause all the African drivers are killed on the West Coast Highway (sic), he said he loves America, you have no idea what it's like, in Am-in America as opposed to other places in the world – and I really don't – we don't realise, like, especially my generation, how spoiled we are, in terms of the luxury of safety, security, and all that good stuff…
S: Yeah, and that every day, we have a warm shower and nice food and good transportation, and /
I: Not/ war
S: Um, clothes. Yeah – we don't have to worry, yeah – yeah, about getting bombed y'know, from home to work, or, um, to get our groceries – nothing is a struggle for us to get just our – our daily essential – y'know –
I: We take it for granted.
S: Yeah.
I: We never appreciate it.
S: Yeah. Yeah – a warm shower – I mean – we do, we take it for granted – yeah/ being able to brush our teeth
I: And I think that our
S: … and leaving the water running. I mean, just, like, things that we do that just, indicate that we're just, y'know, consumers – we just consume and think that "Oh, y'know – that's just, y'know" – we're so spoiled.
I: Well that – I think is – the purpose of the project – is because we say to ourselv- it- what we get is people who really, really (long pause) recognize – like, when you look at – the Constitution and the Bill of Rights like "All men are created equal" and there's NO equality in this fuckin' country, and we look at the hypocracy, and yet you talk to immigrants, and immigrants – people of, or, first generations, or, and you really realise, like, they see the beauty in America that I don't see. And I guess, that's, really, like my mother, when I go to Arizona with her, she's in awe of the mountains, she's, and I said, "So what" – she wants to go touring, I'm like, "It's a mountain." And – she – she looks at it from a European perspective, and not an American perspective. So. But you're parents were – from here – they weren't from Mexico, right?
S: Right
I: What generation were they?
S: Uh… second.
I: So, their parents were born here, too?
S: Let's see, my father's mother, and his father – oh, no, so he - my father's first generation. Yeah. / First generation.
I: And what about your mom?
S: And my mother… ssss – I think she's – her, I think her mother was born here, and I don't think, I, and I think her father is, was, um, was born in Mexico.
I: Do you know how they got here, or why they came here.
S: I don't. I don't. And you know, it's interesting, Olivia, because, something that I realize about my family, and the fact that the story is never told, and I never heard the story, um – I think it's such a painful past, and they're it's such, such shame that is attached with however they got here, or, um – that they don't talk about it. Like, you know you hear, sometimes, parents telling they're children, you know, their story, painful, you know, the hardships, whatever, but they tell the story. And I've never heard the story. I don't know what the story is.
I: But yet you're so married to your Mexican background.
S: So much / I always have been
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I: I mean you, you really are, I mean, when I think of you, I don't think of you as American.
S: Yeah, and the thing is, is that, that is something that is comple- that is unique to me. Because I am proud of my Mexican heritage. I am proud to speak Spanish. I am proud of the culture. Because it is such a rich culture. And it- it's not, y'know, um – it's not o-only what Americans see when the cross the border to Tijuanna, or, where I was born, which was 90 kil - uh 50 kilometers from the Mexican Border. Um. Border towns are not – do not at all indicate how – the beauty of Mexico, and the beauty of the people, and the culture – how rich it is. Um - and I – I embrace the culture. I – of my brothers and sis- I am the only one of all of my brothers and sisters who speaks Spanish fluently.
I: Who taught you?
S: Well, when I was growing up, my grandmother – my father's mother only spoke Spanish, so we had to on- we had to speak Spanish to her only. But when I was in elementary school, there was a lot of immigrant children in my school –
I: Primarily from Mexico?
S: Well, from - only from Mexico. Um, and they - we were not encouraged to speak Spanish, because they wanted these children to speak English so, we couldn't speak Spanish, I mean, they discouraged us speaking Spanish in – in elementary school. But I still continued to speak Spanish to my grandmother, not sp- I'm sure I didn't speak well, and…
I: Did she ever talk to you about Mexico?
S: No. Because she was always praying. Um. That's all she did was pray. She lived in Douglas, which is another border town, um, like, a couple of hours from where we grew up – in Douglas, / Douglas was the Arizona side
I: You're talking about Arizona
S: Yeah, Douglas was the Arizona side. Agua Prieta was the – the border town. Um – so she didn't live in the same city that we lived, so we traveled to see her. And I just remember my Grandmother, just sitting there pr-praying the Rosary. She would eat – go back to praying. Maybe, you know, discuss or have some coffee and a conversation with somebody. But, the most vivid memory that I have of my paternal grandmother is a - praying. (pause) Yeah.
I: And what was – how did they end – how did you end up in Arizona? How did they all end up in Arizona?
S: How did they end up in - ?
I: Was there a huge Mexican population in Arizona?
S: Yes.
I: So how did they – but you don't know how they ended up / there
S: I don't know how they ended up there. And I – as I said, y'know, it wasn't, a – I don't know, my father probably ended up in Tuscon for work, because I rem – (pause)
I: What did he do?
S: He was a - a – a funeral director. He did - Yeah. He studied in San Francisco. So my father did, uh, go to college, and he studied, uhm, uh – I don't know what, what it ta- what you study to be a mortician, and he owned, um, funeral home in Douglas, and he worked for – and then when he came to Tuscon, he worked for, um, a – another funeral home for many years as the funeral director of that – of, of of the / Arizona mortuary.
I: You were around there a lot?
S: Yeah. I would, uh, well, you know, like to pick up my dad, or drop him off, because we had one car, so my mother would drive to pick up my father, um, or I would go to have lunch with my dad, and he would work, you know, that was where he was working, it was, kinda – it was, in a way…
I: Did you ever see dead bodies?
S: I was really creeped out about the whole thing, y'know as a kid. I mean, it's creepy. So, I knew that he worked there and I knew, y'know, that it had to do with funerals and I knew it had to do with dead people but I would never like… like…look inside. I would go in the front of the funeral home where everything is really nice and there's furniture and people come in and sit and there's a chapel but I would never, y'know, go into that area that was very sterile and, y'know, hospital like. There's gurneys and dead people y'know. I mean, I would catch glimpses -
I: Did he ever talk to you about that? (Overlapping)
S: Yeah! He would always be talking about, " O h y'know, I have to...y'know, about postmortem, y'know, an autopsy and uh…Oh this person, y'know. I mean I don't know I mean he would always be talking but it was all medical. So I don't remember anything exactly. "He had a corotic artery" - or something. I don't know. He would always say things. He would say "Oh yeah, I drained the blood and, y'know, I put the, y'know, embalming fluid and…"
I: Did he enjoy it?
S: I don't know if he enjoyed it. I don't know how he felt about it.
I: Did he speak Spanish?
S:He did. He could speak, sing, he could pray in Spanish. He could write, read…
I: Had he been to Mexico ever?
S: Y'know he grew up, unlike us growing up I Tuscon where we had to travel quite - like a hundred miles to get to the Mexican border, Douglas was right on the Mexican border. Y'know Douglas, AZ – the border. Awahquieta (this is a Spanish word I have mangled).
I: What does your dad consider himself?
S: Mexican-American
I: Does he consider himself one over the other?
S: I don't know.
I: I mean do you consider yourself?
S: I consider myself Mexican….more. I know that I'm Mexican-American. English is my first language, but I feel such an attachment to Mexico. I feel such an attachment to the music, the art, the food, the language.
S: Do have other friends…Do you think they feel the same way?
I: Oh no! Most of my Mexican-American friends consider themselves Americans first. As a matter of fact, I think that they think that it's um…That, y'know, I don't think that they're proud of their Mexican heritage. I think that they prefer to think of themselves as only Americans. And most of them don't even speak Spanish.
I: Do you think they're not proud…or - recognize their Mexican background because of what America views Mexicans-
S: Exactly. I do believe that. I do believe that they think that, yknow, all Mexicans are Wetbacks. Or they're all immigrants that, y'know, are trying to get to America for a better life to be a housekeeper or a Nanny or a cook or just menial working class people. They their whole – I mean - They don't want to identify with that, with that poverty –
I: Is that considered menial in Mexico as well? (Overlapping)
S: In Mexico, whatever you do the people take pride in what they do. Y'know? If they're a cook, If they do - If they have a job, I mean it's…something to be, to have pride about, because it ,it, it - having a good job, making a little bit of money means that their families are going to eat. So it may not be something so important, but every part of an industry or a part of, y'know being – y'know a hotel worker for example. I mean all of the components of making this whole enterprise run is by the hard work of the individuals who do the work y'know: from the people who, y'know wash the linens, people who, y'know clean the rooms. I mean they all take pride in what they do. And they can never do enough. They can never do enough and they don't earn that much money -
I: So your friends who look down on that, are they first generation Americans or have they been here a long time?
S: A lot of them are first generation. A lot of them have been here a long time, but I mean, there's not just, y'know, um…I think that it's a sin to be from a culture or from um…parents of another country and speak another language and that those…um…values and those, uh - cultural components are not passed on to their kids are not encouraged. Yes! You come to America and English is the first language and if you speak with and accent…. I mean, I don't know that other cultures, European cultures, when people from, from France or Italy come here that they have the same stigma as someone who comes form a Latin American country to America and has an accent. That there's somehow - there's a lower appreciation for - for Mexicans – for - then there are for other immigrants. So, American - Mexican-Americans feel that. So they try really hard not, y'know - to get over speaking with their accent.
I: What, What do you think … What do you - Who do you…If you had - What do you think they - If they would describe what being a Mexican is and what being American is what would be the difference to them? To you?
S: I don't think people who don't speak the language, I don't think they know the difference.
I: What do you think the difference is?
S: I think the difference is - is that it's a much First of all, the language is a romance language. It's a beautiful language. It's lyrical. Its romantic. Its…a language that is very um… a language is – that um…….It is. It explains so much. It defines it…There's so much visual in the language. Um…But the difference between what I feel between being an American and kind of, in a diluted … I mean that…so much of culture. There is not a culture in being American, but I do feel there - that it's a rich - culturally rich to be Mexican, but I don't feel that it's culturally rich to be American. It only…
I: Why do you think your friends then, wanna dismiss that cultural rich..?
S: Because they wanna embrace everything that's great about America and all -
I: Which is what?
S: All of the creature comforts that we take for granted. I mean they want all...It's all about consumerism. It's all about having things and materialism and that is what – y'know having a nice car. Having a house. |
