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~Hope For The Wounded~
Current mood:  happy
Category: Life
~You are the wind Beneath my Wings~
 
I'll make you Think, I'll make you laugh and cry. I'll touch your emotions like no other. I'll peel your mind away like layers of an onion. Read my blogs to understand this mysterious soul that I am. If you are lucky enough to read more than a blog or two… you will learn about the many colors of my writing persona. I'll be your Friend, I'll read some blogs and leave a few comments. Walk with me, talk with me, come join me in the garden of my mind. Here you will be delightfully entertained.
~Mia Rose of GraceVine Creations
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~Hope For The Wounded~
by Rhonda S. Grace © 8-17-08
Seek to learn and understand
Then make the necessary changes
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As Kathie Lee Gifford said in Lady's Home Journal-July 2008 "The minute I got my eyes off me, that's when the real healing started."
www.lhj.com/kathielee
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Then and only then, can you work towards forgiveness; this is essential for working past the pain to recovery and true happiness. It does take time and a lot of personal effort.
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When I talk about forgiveness I don't mean that you have to be best palls with people who have hurt you. When you come to a point of forgiveness it means that person no longer has power over you. Why? Because you have chosen to love them, you have chosen forgiveness and that my friend sets you free to be the best you.
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Don't kid yourself in thinking you have moved on when you only moved on to a new physical life. If you don't do the work of self-examination and of forgiveness, you can end up nursing hidden and/or unresolved pain for years to come.
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If you can't be brutally honest with yourself and your true motives, emotions, and hurt, then you've not moved on at all. If you still hold resentment or hurt feelings in your heart toward anyone who has hurt you, you've not moved on. To move past the pain you have to deal with self. Your Job is YOU.
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If you fail to deal with past or present hurt or anger, the next person who happens to disappoint you (and at some point that will happen) will cause your whole life to come crashing down at your feet. (The Emotional Roller coaster). If you are in a relationship with someone long enough you will see they are human just like you, and just like you they are not perfect. Get over it. Start dealing with YOU.
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Any one who sends out hate is a very miserable soul and I would not want to be that person. Not one person can hold hate in their heart towards another individual and in the same breath "claim to love." It defies the laws of God and the natural universe. It simply cannot be done.
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It's impossible to have a healthy relationship when one or both of you is not showing up as a grown-up.
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*Review the chart below.
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Childish Love
Your needs feel immediate and desperate.
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Mature Love
You can put your needs in perspective and feel confident that you know how to get them met.
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Childish Love
You view others as extensions of yourself.
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Mature Love
You consider yourself whole just as you are, and you don't rely on another person to make you complete.
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Childish Love
You fear abandonment.
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Mature Love
You are secure and can tolerate feelings of sadness and anxiety without being consumed by them.
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Childish Love
You need constant reinforcement that you are loved.
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Mature Love
You can evaluate situations and make judgments based on reality, and find
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Childish Love
You have no control over your emotions, and you are easily humiliated.
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Mature Love
You accept imperfections in yourself and in others and are not humiliated or fearful when you make mistakes.
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Childish Love
You crave certainty.
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Mature Love
You take responsibility for your life but know that you cannot control everything that happens.
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Childish Love
You feel you don't exist outside your loved ones presence.
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Mature Love
You are complete in yourself.
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Childish Love
You live in the moment.
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Mature Love
You plan for the future while living in the moment, having learned from the past.
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Childish Love
You see yourself as the center of the universe.
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Mature Love
You have the capacity for empathy, remorse, and change.
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Childish Love
You fear change and resist stretching yourself.
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Mature Love
You know that stretching outside of your comfort zone is good for you and essential for your overall well-being.
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Childish Love
You will do anything not to lose your relationship, including losing yourself.
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Mature Love
You can accept loss, but never of yourself.
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Dr. Robin L. Smith "Lies at the Alter" The Truth About Great Marriages.
Are You A Grown-Up?
By Dr. Robin L. Smith "Lies at the Alter" The Truth About Great Marriages.
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Do you struggle to look at life and romance through grown-up lens? Take the following quick quiz to find out if you're ready for mature love.
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1. When my partner is away, I feel insecure of uncertain of his/her devotion. Yes___ No___
2. I am hurt and humiliated when my partner does not respond to my sexual overtures. Yes___ No___
3. If I don't feel excited to see my partner, something is wrong with our relationship. Yes___ No___
4. I need to hear my partner say, "I love you" in order to feel loved. Yes___ No___
5. My needs and wishes should always be more important to my partner than the needs and wishes of others. Yes___ No___
6. I deserve a partner who will always try to make me happy. Yes___ No___
7. My partner is an extension of myself. Yes___ No___
8. I'll do almost anything to avoid having an argument with my partner. Yes___ No___
9. Conflict is damaging to a relationship. Yes___ No___
10. Marriage means that two individuals have merged to become one entity. Yes___ No___
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Evaluation:
Each "yes" answer involves a fantasy ideal that you hold about love and marriage. These fantasies seem like wonderful ideals, but they are actually remnants of childhood insecurities.
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The work of self-examination and self-healing is hard work and takes time. But it is well worth the effort. I have experienced a lot of hurt and pain in my life. I once could write a 300 + page book about all the hurt my ex-husband of 10 years dished out to me. Now that I have worked past the pain and chose to forgive, I no longer remember every little detail of all the hurt. I don't want to remember every detail because that would get in the way of living my best life today. Do I still remember the pain? Yes, but I do not dwell in the pain. I do not feel the pain when I talk of the experiences in that verbally and emotionally abusive relationship. That relationship is now in the distant past. I have truly grown past the pain. That is the only reason I can truly say I'm happier now than I ever have been in the past. I have learned some valuable lessons from my past, which also makes me a stronger, more adept and sound person. Now I can truly live with love and happiness in an authentic manor.
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Hot Tip
Guys, Learn how to treat women right. Learn Selflessness. It's not about you, it's about the one you love.
2:25
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