Tripl Axoid : My Band
Current mood: I feel Tripl Axoided
Category: I feel Tripl Axoided Music

Finally, the music group I've been part of for nearly a decade in on Myspace. The group was originally created by some of my war veteran buddies (we served in Viet Nam together).

So check it out. The musical group that combined science and entertainment to create the worlds first "Pizzard" (Half penis/ half lizard).

http://www.myspace.com/3axoid

~Richard Ingraham
The Myspace Unabomber
Original Member of Tripl Axoid

Currently watching : Over the Top Release date: 31 May, 2005

5:11 PM - 8 Comments - 14 Kudos - Add Comment

The Joy of Crazy People
Current mood: Genius, as usual
Category: Genius, as usual Religion and Philosophy

Why is it that the craziest people are always willing to share the story of their messed up life so quickly? I just think it's strange how often people tell me incriminating stories about things they've done in their past, and always with a smile on their face like they just dropped an observational anecdote of "common man" everyday life. As if to say "Here's some stories of insanely illegal criminal acts that we can all relate too".

Now I've accepted that part of my ability to experience this occurrence is due to the fact that I live in Los Angeles, California a city of 3.6 Million "legally-documented" people, and of that population, a descent percentage are too eclectic and crazy to survive in most American communities. If these people of "questionable sanity" were to show up in some small Mid-American town, they would be treated like gypsies and the local authorities would no doubt give them the old "Rambo, get out of town!" treatment, like Brian Dennehy in "First Blood".

I guess the thing that really amazes me, is that these people always seem to be pretty happy. They generally enjoy living their messed-up lives and all the terrible events that brought them to that point... God knows they want to talk about it. Share their unique experience with you so you can learn from it, even though it's quite obvious they haven't learned anything in quite some time and the forecast calls for a 100% chance of more "mindlessly drifting" in the future.


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Crazy Person ~ "Hell, I been outta work for 6 years... I got circulation problems with ma' blood... I got a wife and 3 ex-wives... 2 I want to kill, and one I already tried to kill... but don't tell the jury... (grizzled laughter... exposing unhygienic teeth like an English zombie)... I got 4 kids I don't care about or pay for and 2 step-children I gotta put up with cause bangin' their mom is worth it... she's real hot... flexible little biker chick... of course one of her eye's is lazy cause her ex-husband beat her pretty bad after she sold some a' there shit for drug money"

Me ~ "Hell, at least she's hot? A lazy eye is better than a lazy woman... am I right!"

Crazy Person ~ "Woo, boy... you can say that again... we should get a drink?"

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And this guy is as happy as can be. He's crazy, he smells like fermented orange juice, he has just enough money to scrape by, but he's happy... and at the end of the day, he goes home to a hot lady, with a lazy eye, and a history of drug problems... but he can't get past the good times... which seem to focus on "happy hours" and "smelly trailer sex".

Honestly, sometimes I wish my life was that "sweet". These are people who survive like a cockroaches, and they're always happy. Even though every step of their journey is terrible. We're talking about the type of person that would be happy living a rundown neighborhood of Topeka, Kansas, or "Top-City" as they would so earnestly call it. Selling crystal-meth out of a broken down Short-Bus to local high school drop-outs, who end up selling some of it to their only friends, the high school janitors, who actually only bought it to sell it for double the price to a couple of high school teachers, one of which probably oversees the school's D.A.R.E. Program for an extra $750 a year. But the real money is probably "slinging crystal" around the State Capital building to a bunch of Kansas' prestigious State Legislatures on their "congressional breaks". They need the crystal because it helps them cope with staying up all night while trying to maintain a balance between cheating on their spouses, who "faithfully" live back in Cowshit-town, Kansas... and working on credulous bills to change the meaningless, powerless, laws that a State really has. Plus, as a bonus, the crystal makes it so they don't have to exercise after work to burn-off that Double Whopper they just pounded at Burger King on their lunch-break.

In the end... i think the crazy people have figured it out. Maintaining happiness when you have nothing is pretty impressive... I'm just waiting for the day when I meet the crazy person out there, who has the ability to be happy and brush their teeth.

~Richard Alan Ingraham
The Unabomber of Comedy

Currently watching : WKRP in Cincinnati - Pilot Episodes Part 1 and 2 Release date: 04 January, 1993

1:15 AM - 8 Comments - 11 Kudos - Add Comment

Alternate Universe Self...
Current mood: The Power Glove!
Category: The Power Glove! Web, HTML, Tech

http://www.decoratingden.com/decorators5.shtml

Check out this website. Someone sent me this link asking if it was a fake web page I set up to be funny. After checking out the website, I realized this person didn't know how to spell my last name, and that's probably how they came across it... but after checking out that hair-cut on "Rick Ingram", I can honestly say I wish I was him. This is truly what I would hope to look like in an alternate dimension of reality... exactly how I would look... down to the flattop/gumby haircut.

http://www.decoratingden.com/decorators5.shtml

Currently watching : The Wizard Release date: 22 August, 2006

10:30 PM - 4 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

The President of Iran...
Current mood: mischievous
Category: News and Politics

With so much drama coming out of the Middle East these days, I thought it was probably time that I discuss politics in the region. The country that manages to steal my focus is Iran... for obvious reasons. Recently, the Iranian coast guard took 15 British sailors and marines hostage after claiming they entered Iranian territorial waters. I can't imagine the British would ever have the balls to enter Iranian water. In fact, I believe the British to be such cowards they probably wouldn't enter Canadian water... let alone the waters one of the evilest nations in the world. If George W. Bush had it his way, he'd probably bomb Iran to hell, set up an American-friendly government, and change the countries name from Iran to Mid-East Texas. However, recently the President of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, released those British hostages as an Easter gift. It was his way of saying, "Happy Re-birthday Jesus... now take your creepy English homosexuals back before they contaminate my precious country". After watching an interview with him on the news I started to wonder what the Iranian people were thinking, and more importantly, why would they elect one of the Geico Cavemen as their president.

Currently watching : Magnum, P.I. - The Complete First Season Release date: 07 September, 2004

1:41 AM - 6 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

the Cover of Rolling Stone
Current mood: cynical
Category: disgusted Music

I was more than horrified when I saw "Panic! at the Disco" on the cover of Rolling Stone. Bob Dylan and Led Zeppelin have been replaced by "more than slightly homo-erotic" new wave hipsters like "Maroon 5", "My Chemical Romance", or "Panic! at the Disco". Look at the eye-liner these fems are wearing. In the old days, if you wore eye make-up, you made up for it by being pure evil... like Alice Cooper. Ozzy might have had on eye shadow... but he also bit the head off a bat... and snorted fire ants. But not these guys... not anymore. I think "Panic!" wears eye make-up because they all want to be the homecoming queen this year. And what's with the dude second from the right... is that actually K.D. Lang? Holy shit... the entire band could pass for K.D. Lang... am I the only one who's scared for the future. I think it's official... Rock music is dead... or at least it has become a lesbian.

Currently listening : Blonde on Blonde By Bob Dylan Release date: 01 June, 2004

3:09 PM - 15 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

2006 - Let's just claim it was a dream... (the sequal)
Current mood: Reflective
Category: Reflective News and Politics

So many memorable international stories in 2006. The year ended with the execution of Saddam Hussein for war crimes. You remember Saddam Hussein, right? We gave him money and weapons during his war with Iran in the 80's, then we went to war with him in the early 90's, then we invaded his country in the early 2003 because we knew he had "weapons of mass destruction". As Bill Hicks once said years before the Bush administration, "We know they have weapons of mass destruction because we still have the reciets from when we sold the weapons to them." Well, we didn't find any weapons of mass destruction, but we arrested Saddam anyway, and he was put to death. I feel his legacy will live on through his many guest appearances on the popular animated cartoon series South Park.

Meanwhile, over in North Korea... they flaunted their Weapons of Mass Destruction. First, they fired off a series of short range missles, only to have their one "long range" missle malfunction and crash into the Sea of Japan after only 40 seconds. Then, they tested a small nuclear bomb in an underground mountain facility, which was protested by the world. In my opinion, North Korean dictator Kim Jung Il, is high in the running for "World Leader who Most Closly Resembles an Asian Harry Caray"


On the entertainment front, Seinfeld star Michael Richards, got in some serious trouble for dropping some N-bombs on stage at the Laugh Factory here in Hollywood. For everyone who has contacted me about that incident with the same question... the answer is NO, I didn't write those racist words for him to say... he stole them from me. He got my "Hanging from a tree with a fork up your ass" line from my performance on Def Comedy Jams back in '92.

Meanwhile, "City Slickers" fans were hit with a double dose of loss this year, losing both Bruno Kirby and Jack Palance. I'm sure Daniel Stern and Billy Crystal are more than upset to find the "City Slickers" story will end with "City Slickers II: The Search for Curly's Gold". Jack Palance was robbed of Oscars for both his performances, and I don't think anyone could argue with America's need for a City Slickers trilogy...

And finally, the Crococile Hunter, Steve Irwin is killed when a sting-ray stabs him through the heart with it's tail. This is a huge loss for Austrailia. After several decades of having "Crocodile Dundee's" Paul Hogan as their nationally recognized image, Steve Irwin had done numbers for reassuring our belief that Australians are mindless, senseless idiots whose toilets flush in the wrong direction. I mean, if there was a poisonous animal anywhere on the planet... Steve Irwin would go there, find the biggest one, and then have sex with it's woman, just to make it mad. His death was also a big loss for fans of "Baby Dangling". Other than Michael Jackson, he was the world's most famous baby dangler...



And that was about it for 2006. Nothing too out of the ordinary, other than Gerald Ford killing James Brown... only to be killed by the ghost of James Brown a few days later.

Currently reading : American Scream: The Bill Hicks Story By Cynthia True Release date: 19 February, 2002

3:04 AM - 6 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

2006 - Let's just claim it was a dream... (part 1)
Current mood: Livin the Dream
Category: Livin the Dream News and Politics

What a year it's been. I can hardly believe all the fun "after school special" moments that we've shared in 2006... and at the same time, the future is quickly approaching and the promised "hover-board" technology from Back to the Future 2 is still not possible. So what advances have we really made as a society. In 2006, NASA decided they want to start building a operational Space Station on the moon... yet the government has chosen to provide no financial backing for brilliant minded "rocket-scientist" to make a "hover-board" prototype, I've never even heard of someone trying to make them. And why are we spending the unreasonable money to build a Spacestation on the moon anyway, Of course, if hover-boards work any better on the moon... than I'm all for building that station. Really, I think we want to build the space station just because China has said they want to land on the moon by 2020. I say we just give the moon to the Chinese, and then we just fly all 1 billion of those communist bastards there and take their land back on earth. I bet that Himalayan mountain front property could sell for millions, especially if we get Erik Estrada to sell it for us on those late night infomercials... NASA also found evidence of water on one of Saturn's moons. That's important because it only leaves seven billion other reasons why we could never survive in the moon's freezing, oxygenless atmosphere.

Plenty of other exciting news this year. Our "White Trash Executive Branch" continued it's shenanagins. Dick Cheney shot his buddy, and wealthy Republican lawyer, Harry Whittington while hunting quail. The whole thing was awesome. The way I see it there are a few possibilities...1. Dick Cheney is so blind or dumb he shouldn't be shooting guns. 2. Dick Cheney is so evil he'll even shoot his friends, just to do it. 3. Dick Cheney is so trigger happy the rest of the world should quiver with fear. He might mistake Iran for Canada and just start firing bombs across the border.

Big news out of Eastern Europe in the glorious year of 2006, as the Montenegrins voted for their independence from Serbia, making them "Most Likely to be Taken Over by Serbia" by the end of 2007. Do they even have an army in Montenegro? How can they just claim independence, unless they're so crappy the Serbians wouldn't even care. Maybe the Serbs were happy with the whole deal, telling each other, "Let them go! Montenegro is like the New Jersey of Yugoslavia"


And in an turn nobody saw coming, K-Fed and Britney are breaking up. K-Fed, the apparent love child of Kid Rock and George W. Bush, is seeking financial compensation from Spears, who has already provided him with more money than he ever could have dreamed, since his previous life goal was a balance of working two jobs... As a part time short order cook at the Waffle House, and a full time gig at the trailer park, manufacturing crystal meth... and distributing to minors. However, after having two children together, something tells me K-Fed is about to get paid, making him the "Most Financially Rewarded Person for not 'Pulling-Out' with a White Trash Whore"

Currently listening : The Low End Theory By A Tribe Called Quest Release date: 24 September, 1991

1:17 AM - 7 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Anthony Michael Hall...
Current mood: amused

I was able to perform for legendary 80's star Anthony Michael Hall, last night at the Comedy Store. The entire audience left except seven people, including Anthony. Since he was sitting in the back, I couldn't tell it was him, but I did manage to unknowingly call him White trash and referenced his desire to do crystal meth, T-Bag the british, and eat assorted Jerky meats.

Ten minutes later, I'm standing in the back of the show room, as two real life prostitutes show up. Anthony quickly calls them over to his table. As expected, Anthony Michael Hall loves whores. He see's me, calls me over to his table and says,

"What's up bro, you were funny as hell up there. Makin it a party and what not... listen, some of my friends just showed up (whores) and their other friend (3rd whore) is still outside, could you go grab her and bring her inside."

All I could think was, "Three whores... really, Anthony Michael Hall... you need three whores?... who the fuck do you think you are, Judd Nelson?"

Currently watching : Brat Pack Collection (The Breakfast Club/ Sixteen Candles/ Weird Science) Release date: 01 November, 2005

4:32 PM - 13 Comments - 16 Kudos - Add Comment

The Welsh, Rednecks of Great Britain.
Category: Life

It has recently come to my attention that the Welsh are undoubtedly the Rednecks of Great Britain. All those "Blue-Collar English Comedians" are actually Welsh. And that is an achievement, considering the Scots are near retarded and the Irish are mocked by everyone, including one-eyed African-Canadian siamese-twins. (never look African-Canadian Siamese-twins in the eye... they reproduce quicker and emit a pungent odor that is so horrific it causes 18 months of bad luck).

But these dirty Welsh sons of bitches!... They should call it "Wales: The Arkansas of England". I had one of these dirty Welsh try and fight me recently because I said I would "titty fuck his dirty Goat Fucking Mother on her doublewide caravan's porch." Can you believe that? Someone needs to teach this Jerk... this is America... We're better than the rest of the world... And more importantly, why was he so offended? I mean, sure... I called his mother a dirty Goat Fucker... but I did say I would titty fuck her... and I meant that compliment with all my heart.

So, If you see a Welshmen spit his his face.

9:12 PM - 2 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment

Texas... Give it back to Mexico...
Current mood: Mood's are gay

I'm tired of people bragging about being from Texas. And don't get me wrong, there is probably six to ten people from that state that shouldn't be put to sleep... but talking up Texas... c'mon. I wouldn't live in Texas for a million dollars and a million blowjobs. Unless someone has either to offer... in which case, I'm willing to move to any part of Texas. Then again, maybe we could work something out... like a hundred thousand dollars and five hundred blowjobs... and I'll live in Florida. Which brings up the point of Florida... another terrible state that people brag about. Only Cubans should be excited about living in florida and that's because they don't know any better. What is a cuban really? A communist mexican... which brings us back to Texas. Let's give that chunk of hell back to Mexico along with all the mexicans. I'm starting a petition if anyone wants to sign it.

11:10 PM - 15 Comments - 14 Kudos - Add Comment