Today's featured performer is David Pollack. David is one of the most dependable members of The Robot Johnson Show. And though you can't tell by this picture, David has a side of himself that can only be described as "Unbelievably fucking frightening." David does not smoke, but he does enjoy alcohol, and writes songs the same way that normal humans might order food at a restaurant. David is the best educated, most experienced, and most likely to take another person's life at "The Robot Johnson Show."
And welcome to a new segment called: Robot Johnson Cast Profile! Today, our featured performer is a founding member of Robot Johnson, and the youngest member of the group, Brandon Ballard!
Brandon is a cancer, enjoys alcohol, and currently, is attempting to quit smoking. Just this weekend, Brandon saw "The Incredible Hulk," and appeared to enjoy the film. He has a new favorite shirt, has seen a woman naked in the last year, and has never owned a monkey. In real life, Brandon is shy, well read, and has a tendency to mumble when in a new environment.
Brandon is considered "1 of the 4 writers" of The Robot Johnson Show, due to output and a remarkable ability to write historic pieces that do not stink of lame. If there was a magazine called "Sketch Comedy Monthly," and in that magazine was a feature called "New Faces to Watch Out for in '09," Brandon Ballard would be in the February issue.
There sure is a lot happening at Robot Johnson HQ. First up, the big shows at The McGlohon Theater start on the 20th. (10p) It seats 800, and we're hoping to pack that pig! Tickets are super cheap, so tell your friends, and have your friends tell their friends, and so on, and so on, because if there's enough people, we'll look smarter than Albert Einstein's father's boss. Show times are as follows:
June 20th - 10p June 21st - 8 & 10p June 27th - 8 & 10p
Next, we've been getting a ton of good press lately, which we're unused to dealing with. Articles in The Observer, Charlotte Magazine, Creative Loafing, The Rock Hill Herald, and WFAE's "Charlotte Talks with Mike Collins." If you want to check out any of those articles, or listen to the podcast, go to robotjohnson.com. Not only has there been good press, but the reviews have been tremendous. With a few exceptions, we always USED to get "These guys are trying. Check them out if you can." It's been different this time, and I believe it has to do with all the hard work and the talent that has been put into our dumb little show.
There's more things on the horizon for this band of has beens and never would bes. It's still too early to talk about here, but I'm not over selling it when I say it's the biggest thing ever created by man's imagination. We're at the edge of something we've never seen before, and things look so positive, it feels like we must've endured something terrible in a previous life.
And finally, I turn 35 on July 1st. And the old saying goes, "It's not the years, it's the miles." But I think that's bullshit. I've put some heavy city miles on this model, and I feel better now than I did when I was young and miserable. It's not about the years, it's about where you are and where you're going. For the first time in my life, I look forward to what happens next, and more specifically, I enjoy where I stand today. I have a lot of you to thank for that, so thank you. I'm not looking to crap on the past, because without it, we wouldn't be where we are or who we'll be. But I hope that the next year is as exciting and life altering as this year has been. Not just for me, but for all of you as well. Good night, and good luck.
Oh, hello there loyal fan of Robot Johnson. You'll excuse me for not noticing your entrance. I was too caught up in my reading of Moby Dick. I admit, it's not what I was expecting at first but I like it. Can I get you a pipeful of something? No?
So... I guess this is where we talk business. You know, it didn't have to be like this. Yes, sorry. I know. It's too late for all of that.
Look, you want free tickets to see Robot Johnson at Spirit Square, right? Well, I want you to have them. I want everyone to have free tickets, but it can't be like that. I have to feed my Robot children.
Here's what I can do. I can pick a chosen few to win free tickets. If someone were to go to a certain site and answer a few basic questions that they might find the answers to by looking at the info on another certain site then they might win. What? Yes, I know I said certain site twice. You can still refer to a specific object twice in the same speech. Okay, fine, I could have been less mysterious but what do you expect? I am a fancy-bot. Fancy-bots always speak mysteriously. And they throw exclusive fancy parties. And speaking of exclusive, perhaps you should enter before April 27th, 2008. Because every good party has to be scheduled.
Except those parties where people put 'from 9pm till ?' on the invites. Why don't they just say "starting at 9 and ending when I'm tired" or "starting at 9 at my place and ending the following Thursday in a small bar in eastern Europe." That is the sort of lazy party planning that one gets from someone who is not a fancy-bot such as myse...
Why, I hadn't planned on going to Chili's but now that you mention it, I would totally like some of that action.
This is the last two weeks you will be able to see Robot Johnson perform at CCT in the Graduate. If you want to see what sweet, sweet comedy looks like, then you should make plans on showing up to the show for these last two weeks. It’s going to be a good show. For reservations, call:
(704) 640-ROJO, or go to: robotjohnson.com.
Tickets go on sale in a week for Robot Johnson @ The Duke Theater. So there’s that to look forward to.
