Its Bea Arthur's birthday. The old broad is turning 85. Can you believe it? Frakking 85 years old!!!! She looks good. Anyway, these are two of my favorite youtube videos of Bea Arthur. Enjoy the videos and just wish her a Happy Birthday!
The old couple
Current mood: crappy
Category: Life
Its 3am on a Saturday night, didn't go out, am watching Camp (love the movie, love the only straight hottie in the movie) and am thinking about the future. What got me started thinking about it? Today I did my normal pilgrimage to my comic books store for my weekly dosage of my addiction. I am on the bus and this old couple came on board. An old gay couple. Both look like in the mid-60s to 70s. It was obvious that they were gay due to their clothes, their effeminate manners, and the shoulder bags. The one thing I noticed was that they were holding hands during the entire time they were on the bus. I was looking at them and I felt happy that they had each other in their twilight years. I wondered about how long they were together, are they together out of love or necessity of not being alone.
Then of course I started thinking about me. Will I ever find someone or am just going to be alone for the rest of my life. Lately, I haven't given much thought to sex and one-night stands. I want something more than that. I want to be able to hold hands during a show, have a shoulder that I can put my head on during a movie, and just cuddle. Is that too much to ask for me? Lately I just feel that I will be alone and I think deep down I sort of accepted that there is no one out there. I should just accept it and move on. Don't let the lack of love in my life wear me down. Maybe I should turn it into strength and not weakness. Frak it who really needs love anyway!!!
(What you think that all my blogs are going to be about movies and music. Allow me the courtesy of at least one pity blog, lol).
Currently
watching
:
Camp Release date: 24 February, 2004
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Current mood: sleepy
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
Last Thursday, Bill texted me to see if I wanted to go see Harry Potter 5. I was planning on seeing on Monday with Urban Outings but I figured why not. How often does someone call me to go see a movie instead of the other way around. Very rare! So I went to see the movie with him. In this year of sequels and trilogies and so forth, there have been abysmal movies like Spider-Man 3 and Shrek 3. Fantastic Four 2 was decent. However, this movie: was very good. It was great movie 5. I don't know if there is a term for a fifth movie in a series. I read the book back in March in anticipation of the movie.
I do have book 6 and I have pre-ordered the final book. I won't read the books until the movies come out. I have like over 200 books in my house to be read so I am spreading out these books so I can read others. The movie has kept all the cast from the prior movies with a few new additional characters. The lead of the movie was of course Daniel Radcliffe
He is such a cutie. He is going to be a hottie when he hits the adult years. He hast the cute dorkish smile. Damn, how old is he? Is he legal age yet? Of course all this sexual fascination with Daniel is attributed to the play that he did in London called Equus. Everyone knows that play and how he was naked showing off the family jewels to the audience. You can tell that he is growing up into one fine man. He deifinitely is growing hair and bless him for not shaving it. He is also showing some muscle definition. Yumm. I do have the naughty pic showing the family jewels but I won't post it here for fear that Myspace would delete. I will just keep that for my private viewing.
Anyway, back to the movie. The only downside to the movie was that it had to cut back on material. The book is over 700 pages, you can't squeeze a 700-page book into a two hour movie without losing something in the translation. We missed out on the scenes that added substance to Luna, Neville and Bellatrix. The hospital scene with Mr. Weasley was edited out. However, the movie still stand on its own. If you want to know what else happened, go read the book you laxy bums.
It was a stroke of genius of casting Helena Bonham Carter as Bellatrix Lestrange.
No one else could have portrayed this character as well as Helena did. She is already crazy to begin with so it wasn't much of a stretch of the imagination for her to portray Bellatrix.
My favorite part of the movie was the training of Dumbledore's Army.
I just felt like a child watching them practice their magic, wave their wands and the smiles on the faces. I wanted to be part of Dumbledore's army. The battle scene at the end of the movie was truly good. The zaps, the bolts of energy, the performances, the battle movements all added up to one kick-ass battle. They better hurry up and film the last two movies before the kids are too old to portray their characters.
After the movie, Bill and I hit the bars. We went to Gym, Barracuda, XES and then back to Barracuda to watch Shequida in her Star Search show. There was some drama as Bill had a complicated sex life. Apparently, the one of his regulars was there as well as one guy that was interested in Bill and actually made out with him during the show, as well as the friend of one of Bill's past hookups who did not like Bill. Gee, it must be greated to be wanted. I wonder how that feels. During the show, Bill and I were texting each other about all these dramas going on. However, nothing came out of all this and we went to our separate homes.
Currently
watching
:
Boa (Dol Dts) Release date: 21 May, 2002
Spring Awakenings Part 2
Current mood: sick
Category: Music
Ok, I went through the YouTube selection of Spring Awakenings videos and now I feel that the video that I posted before doesn't really do the musical justice. I think that this video I found really does. Its their performance from the 2007 Tony Awards. Also I forgot to mention that the noisy neighbor who was killed in the first season of Desperate Housewives is in it. She was great. She was funny and she can sing. And I have another crush other than Jonathan Groff. That crush is the guitar player whose name is Tag. I looked in the playbill. He was fine. He was tall, hunky, muscular and talented. I saw him in the back of the stage in the band section and I said hello there. Yumm Yumm!! Anyway, enjoy the video. If you ever come to NYC, you have to see the show and of course you will have to get me a ticket since I went through all this trouble, lol.
Currently
watching
:
Gargoyles Release date: 25 January, 2000
Spring Awakenings
Current mood: sick
Category: Music
I recently saw the new hit Broadway musical Spring Awakenings.
Its been around since October but I only really heard about it this year. I first heard of it on the View (back in the Rosie days), the cast was there to promote the show and they sang a song. I keep hearing how it is the best rock musical since Rent. I am a big Rent fan, seen the show 5 times, saw the movie, have the soundtrack, know all the words to all the songs and I am hoping to see it again when the original Mark (Anthony Rapp) and Roger (Adam Pascual) are on the stage. I also keep hearing about Jonathan Groff who was playing a limited run on One Life to Live as social outcast Henry and that he was the lead in Spring Awakenings.
Jonathan Groff among a sea of ladies. Ain't he cute!!!! He is my current crush!
One of the driving forces behind Spring Awakenings is Duncan Sheik.
I will admit that I was a fan of Duncan Sheik back in the 90s and I had his two albums (was it two?). So I was finally able to score tickets for me and four others. I got tickets in Row H (eight rows from stage). I went on the Weds after the Tonys where Spring Awakenings was nominated for 11 but won for 8 Tonys. I am sorry I know that Jonathan is young to win a Tony already but damnit I feel that he was robbed!!!! So it was perfect timing to see a show right after it won the Tony for Best Musical. The day came and I went to see the show. I fell in love with it during the second song, The Bitch of Living!!
The musical is about teenage sexual angst and surviving under adult oppression. The musical takes place in 19th century Germany but the message relays to everyone in every time period. The music is upbeat, energetic and rock. The best part is that you can get to see Jonathan Groff's tush as his character has his first sexual encounter. Unfortunately you have to be sitting on the right side of the theater to get a real nice look of it. I know where I will be sitting next time. Next time? You better believe that I will go again to see the show. Not right away but I will go again. In the meantime I have youtube for videos of the show.
What I would like to know is who do I have to give a blowjob to in order to get those seats right on the stage?! Thats right there are seats on the stage on each side. The cast who are not singing will be sitting there among the common folk. I want the seat next to Jonathan Groff!!!!
I did buy the soundtrack for the musical as I was leaving the theater. The soundtrack is ok but it doesn't have the same emotion, feeling or strength that produces such lyrics as you would see on stage. Nevertheless, I will be downloading the album into my ipod along with Rent, Wicked, Hairspray, and Avenue Q (boy what a gay ipod!!!)
There is truly only one way to see Mommie Dearest nowadays. Its not in the loneliness of your home watching it on AMC or TNT or something like that. Its not on some fancy DVD. The only way is to watch in a theater full of gay men while a drag queen gives color commentary during the entire movie while being accompanied by a keyboard. Yeah that is what I did tonight with a few others. The drag queen in question is Hedda Lettuce. The theater is Chelsea Clearview Cinema. every Thursday just for the price of $6.50 you can watch those gay fabulous campy movies like Mommie Dearest, Auntie Mame, Whatever Happened to Baby Jane and so forth while being entertained by the funny comments of Ms. Lettuce. It was hilarious. I never saw the movie in its entirety, this was my first time doing so. Now, I can no longer watch it on television. It just won't be the same. Hedda was witty and funny during the entire film. She made comments about everything in the movie. We were all laughing. I remember the scene where baby Christina was brought to the house and Hedda would be baby Christina and cry out "no no, take me away, she is going to eat my brain, Nosferata, Nosferata" and she said it in that squeaky voice like the manfly from the movie "The Fly". It was hilarious. Whoever comes to visit NYC and is here on a Thursday, go out and check out Chelsea Clearview Cinama for campy movie night.
Easter with the family
Current mood: bored
Category: Life
I hope everyone's Easter was an enjoyable one. Mine was so-so. My family (mom and bro) and myself were invited to a cousin's house for Easter. We received the phone invite like three weeks ago. When I was told about it, I was in shock. These people were inviting us for Easter!!!! Is Hell freezing over?
To give some background about my family, when I was younger, my dad would always invite his sister and her family for Thanksgiving. I can remember them coming for the first 14 years of my life. It would be my aunt, her husband, her daughter, her husband, their son (only child at that time), and the son. They would come every year. Now my dad and his sister came from Cuba. Apparently grandpa owned some sugar plantations down in the motherland as well as servants. Yeah grandpa was rich until Uncle Castro came alone and stole everything. I mean, my daddy had a nanny which by the way, the nanny is still kicking and sending my brothers and me money for our birthdays. My dad passed away at age 72 so you can imagine the nanny (Catalina). My dad was the baby of the family, the youngest of 6. My aunt (Tia Carmita) was the snobbish one. She would always talk about how rich the family was in the old days. Its a well known fact that my aunt didn't think highly of my mom because she viewed her as being beneath my dad. My mom is from Spain, raised on a dairy farm, never made it passed 6th grade because she had to work and help the family.
Anyway, Tia Carmita's second daughter (Marlena) married Dr. Henry who also attended Thanksgiving at our house and bbqs at our house and everything. Well those two bought a house. A four-bedroom house with two baths and a renovated basement located two towns away from us with easy access by bus or hell by walking if its a nice day. For their first Thanksgiving, they threw the party and we were not invited. I know my dad was very upset about this because he was so family-oriented. People would comment on how out of the entire sibling group, my dad was the friendliest one and the most approachable while the others would raise their noses up in the air. So we were never invited to their first Thanksgiving dinner. They never came to our house for any event at all. We were invited to Marlena's daughter's communion in the early 90s and we didn't even know that she had another child. Thats how bad it was. We were invited to the communion, to Julio's (my aunt's son) wedding, to Danny's (Marlena's son) wedding. We always came. We invited them to college graduations, to regular dinners, to bbq, to my law school graduation but they never came.
In 1999, my dad passed away. They, of course, came to the funeral. Marlena started saying how we need to stick together like family at this time of sadness. Honestly, I wanted to bitchslap her for causing grief to my dad in the first place. Then my aunt became ill and would spend extended periods of time in hospitals. My mom (bless her soul) would go every day to visit her and to help take care of her. My aunt passed away in 2004. Once again, Marlena went on about we need to stay close as a family. I was thinking "yeah right, damage already done" in my head. After my aunt passed away, my mom and my brother would visit my uncle (the widower) at least once a month to see how he is doing and pass time with him. I never went because I had other plans and sometimes I just did not feel like it. We then find out that Danny (Marlena's son) had a baby boy and did the baptism and we never were invited. So much for Marlena's plea of family unity. My uncle becamse ill as well in 2005 and was in the hospital. My mom would go once a week to visit and when he got worse, she went every day. Marlena was there as she should have been every day as well. Anyway, my uncle passed away earlier this year.
I guess this last death really had an impact on that branch of the family. Since then we were invited to Natalia's (Marlena's daughter) engagement party. I was in shock that we were invited. Unfortunately, I was unable to go due to other obligations (golf cages at Chelsea Piers with friends) that were more important to me. We then received a phone call from Carmen Rosa (Julio's wife) inviting us to their house for Easter. I was in shock. I had to look out the window to see if a nuclear bomb had dropped or something. Julio has two daughters that we were never invited for baptisms or for their communions. Hell I don't even know how old they are so don't know if they did their communions. Anyway, Carmen Rosa said that she would send over a formal invite. So I am telling people that we will never get it, that she was just placating and then forget to send it to us. However, it was one of those very rare occasions where I was mistaken. The formal invite did come in the mail and since it was Easter, I had no excuse not to go.
So finally the day arrived. On Saturday, my mom wanted to go buy a dessert for the party. I was thinking why the hell should we waste money, lets just make it. But no, my mom believes that we hold no grudges and that we are better than those people so dessert was bought. Now this is the first time we are going to Julio's house. We have never been there despite the 7 years he has been living in Dumont, NJ. They never bothered to give us directions. My brother got directions from AAA. A word of advice, never get directions from Triple A. We got lost. Since my brother is the usualy cuban macho bore, he would not ask for directions from people in the streets. We were wandering around for like forty minutes. I was all set to head home and come up with an excuse but we are better than they are. He still would not ask for directions, so I had to call 411 to get Julio's phone number (yeah they never provided it as well). So I spoke with Carmen Rosa and she gave directions. Unfortunately she is so much of a ditz that she gave bad directions. We called back and spoke with Julio. We got the right directions and we arrived an hour late.
At the time appetizers were just served so we didn't miss anything. Everyone was there; Marlena with her husband and kids, Julio with his family, Lourdes (the oldest daughter of Tia Carmita) and her daughter. WE were there from 4pm to 8:30pm. While there, I am thinking that I don't feel any connections with these people. They treated my family like crap, they made my dad upset and heart broken. Why should we be nice with them? They have kids that I barely know (my mom and my brother do because they are the busybodies and gossip). I just wanted out of there. Believe me, I chatted with them, I smiled a lot but it was a fake smile. Is it wrong to feel this way? Am I know allowed to hold grudges against people for wronging my family? I am told that we have to show that we better than these folks. I say fuck that shit and screw them. We still have my father's side of the family in Miami that we get along great. We also my mom's entire family in Spain that we get along great. We don't need this branch of the family. Granted they are closer in terms of geography than the others but who cares.
I will tell you that I took advantage of the beer, wine and apple martinis that were being passed around. God knows, I can probably drink the entire family under the table. While passing time and doing my best to chat and guzzling down booze, I realized that no one was asking my family branch on how we are doing, what we are doing, seeing anyone, and other personal tidbits that one would think that family would ask. However, this branch did not. I am thinking come on folks, we are here, if you are for family unity ask away. I mean we knew all about them, we know that Natalia is engaged and when the wedding is (November 2008, damn talk about long engagement). We know why its a long engagement (finish school). We know that Danny's mom-in-law called his mom a fucking bitch at Natalia's engagement party because Marlena wanted to hold her grandson for a bit thereby depriving the other grandma the child. I honestly feel bad about Danny. He not only married his wife, but apparently he married the mom-in-law and the sister-in-law as well. They left the party early because grandma said the grandson had to be put to bed so they had to leave and travel back home. They all left. What the fuck?! Do they do everything together? Thank god, I am a fag. No in-laws for me. Anyway, no questions about our life.
Food was served. It was alot of food. It was a Cuban Easter dinner. We had pernil (pork), cubes of pork, yuca, congri (black rice and beans), pastellon (corn mash stuffed with meat I think), cuban bread and five types of salads. I ate, and I got stuffed. Since I wasn't talking much, I used my mouth for other purposes. Dessert was served. After dessert, most of the people left and it was just Julio, Marlena, her husband, Lourdes and her daughter and us. We started talking about those passed away. We told stories about Tia Carmita and her flatulent problem. There was one story where the aunt let it rip on a line at a department store and the lady behind yelled, OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!!. Another story was at a fourth of july party where my aunt let it rip and a woman stood up and yelled out, come on hurry up, we have to go outside they started the fireworkds. Yeah it was bad. We talked about my aunt took after grandma, the crazy Esmeralda. My mom told of how one time when Crazy Esmeralda was staying with us (I don't think I was born yet), she was in her room while my mom and the maid that come over with my dad's family were in the kitchen preparing their meals. Grandma comes out and says "Well isn't this a sight, while the mistress of the house is in bed, the servants are chirping away and not getting her meal ready". Yeah crazy grandma said that. My mom told grandma that she ate already, so grandma came up behind, and smacked her at the back of the head so hard that my mom went face down and hit the counter. My aunt was as tough as grandma.
Before we knew it, it was almost 8:30. Marlena had to go home to see the Sopranos and I, like every good faggot, had to go home to see Desperate Housewives. So the party was over, hugs and kisses to everybody and we got home. I was buzzed and stuffed.
So the question is when is the next time that we shall hear from this branch of the family. The only reason we stayed in contact was because of my aunt and then her husband. Now they are gone and we have no real reason to stay in touch. I honestly don't care because all we have in common is dna and blood. Thats about it. The next time we will probably see them is at Natalia's wedding and if you scroll back you can see when that it.
Boy, another long blog. I am sorry. Don't how know how I can type this much. I don't consider myself a storyteller or writer at all. But that is how my Easter was. How was everyone's?
Currently
listening
:
Hybrid Theory
By
Linkin Park
Release date: 24 October, 2000
The Conclusion to my Adventures in House and Dog Sitting
Current mood: working
Category: Life
I know, I know, its Thursday. My tour of house sitting ended this past Sunday. I am so behind but who gives a frak! Anyway, yeah, my tour is over. I am back home with the maternal unit and the catalan (just ask me later to define it).What happened since the last time I blogged about you ask? Thats a good question. I am glad you asked. Basically nothing happened. The last two weeks have been quiet. Flo started to show me some respect after she chewed one of my shoes. I taught her two new tricks. When I say out, she goes out to the back patio through the doggy door and stays there. When I say come in, she come in. I know I know, I am evil and I must be destroyed. I still walked her at least twice a day, she may have been losing weight, but I seemed to have gained a few. I don't know why. Blame it on TIVO and for being so addictive. I tivoed so much crap. Trick, Testosterone, Mambo Italiano, Adam and Steve, Beautiful Thing, Hard Pill, all the episodes of Nemesis Rising and my soaps of course. Yeah, I was tivoing LOGO a lot. I did slip in some Battlestar Galactica, Heroes and Gilmore Girls in as well. I spent my last weekend just watching everything that I tivoed.
No, I never heard from the Puerto Rican parolee again. Shame, he did had a nice ass. However, I did hear from an African American, an Asian and an Irish. What can I say I don't discriminate. Of course they did not come over all the same time. Shame, would have been hot. Anywho, on my last day, I cleaned the bed sheets (after what I just told you I had to), put in new bedsheets, walked the dog twice and restocked the fridge. I am such a good house-sitter. I left the house at 8pm, caught the bus at Port Authority at 9:15pm and made it home to catch the second part of Desperate Housewives.
Now I am back at home and its quiet here. The only difference is that at the house sitting there was no one with me to chat with. At home, I do but there isn't much communication between me and the other two. I don't go to church, I like to have fun, I like to go out and spend some money in order to have fun, I like music, I like different type of shows, I like doing things different and outrageous (plane glyding, kayaking, white water rafting) and unfortunately the other two don't fit into my list. There is nothing in common which is sad because they are family. I am the black sheep of the family and I am damn proud of it. I have my own opinions, my own feelings, my own likes. I do not blend in with the mindless church family nor do I have any intention to blend in. I stand out and I am happy for it. At times, I feel sad for my brother because he is really not enjoying life to the fullest. But we are individuals, we are unique. So whatever floats my boat, doesn't float his, and what floats his boat, does not float mine in anyway. I just want him to enjoy life and have fun, but fun is an alien concept to him. Anyway, I digress. Thats it for this blog. More to come.
The Roxy is closing and I am sad
Current mood: sad
Category: Life
Hi there,
After 16 amazing years,
ROXY is closing it's doors for good on
Saturday, March 10, 2007!
It's the end of an era, but also the beginning of a new and exciting one!!!
The building is being demolished a couple of weeks after that and we'll be moving our Saturday nights to a new location!!!
We thank you for your continued support, the amazing people we work with and some of the world's best DJ's.
Thanks to you our Saturdays have become legendary.
Although it's a bitter-sweet time for all of us, we're excited to move on and our NEW Saturdays will bring in a lot of good and exciting changes.....
Here is the schedule for Roxy's very LAST WEEKS:
This Saturday, February 24, 2007 DJ MERRITT
gives you the night before the last with his amazing mixes and the great energy that only he can deliver!!!
Saturday, March 3, 2007
ROXY will be closed by the State Liquor Authority on March 3, due to 3 incidents of underage drinking. The State Liquor Authority is closing all clubs for one week that have had 2 or more underage drinking violations. ( Now you see why we have been so strict at the door. You will start to notice other clubs having to do the same thing).
Saturday, March 10, 2007
SAVE THE DATE!!!!
This will be Roxy's LAST DANCE and we hope you'll be there celebrating the end of an era and welcoming the beginning of a new one!!!
We hope you'll join us!!!
Beto Sutter and John Blair John Blair Promotions
PLEASE NOTE : You're receiving this because you signed up for a John Blair membership card at one of our events or venues. If you wish to stop receiving our promotions, simply hit "reply" and write "unsubscribe" in the subject field. To stop e-mails only, write "unsubscribe e-mail only" on the subject field!
This is the email that I received today on my aol account. For those gay out-of-staters who don't know about the Roxy, I will try my best to describe it. Its a dance club. Its gay on Saturdays. Its big. It has two dance floors, one on the mail floor and one upstairs in the lounge box. Peter Rauhofer, Manny Lehman, Chad Jack and the greats have spinned their records. Madonna, Cyndia Lauper and countless others have performed there to their gay fans. Its like Babylon from Queer as Folks but less decorative and no catwalks. On a Saturday night, you can go there and dance the night away in throngs of half naked men of all types, from gorgeous models to twinks to average joes to bears and beyond. You can see anything happen. You can see someone getting a blowjob on the dance floor. You can see the drugs that the patrons buy. You can feel music throbbed through you body on the dance floor. Its been our number 1 dance club for 16 years. Now it is closing.
Why? The place has been shut down so many times due to underage drinking, to drugs, due to back taxes and to greedy land developers who want to property to build more condos that just look alike. Apparently, the greedy land developers won and we are going to lose a piece of our history, my history as well. No doubt, another place will opened somewhere else in the big apple calling itself The Roxy but it won't be the same.
The Roxy was my first gay dance club that I ever went to. Rome was my first gay bar but the Roxy was my first gay dance club. I went there alone at the age of 25 because I didn't know anyone. God knows, it was hard for me because I was a shy, timid guy back there not know how to interract with others. I still don't but thats another blog. Anyway, I stepped in and I was taken away by the sights and sounds of the Roxy. I was exposed to men of all types and I was exposed to the bare flesh. I felt the music in me. I wanted to dance but the timid me would not let me in. I just stayed off to the side watching, studying the men. I studied the way they interacted, the touching, the kissing and I learned from the Roxy. I know its not the proper place to learn but where else can a naive timid boy like me go. Anyway, I started to make friends and I had people to go with to the Roxy. So I got to be on the dance floor, dancing with strangers, touching them, kissing, but never went shirtless, the timid me always stopped me. In the end, the Roxy was a big part of my emerging gay life.
After reading the email, I was in shock of course because am losing a piece of history. However, I started to shed tears and I was getting emotionally upset. Why would I cry over a place that honestly I have not been to in quite some time?!! Fortunately, I was at work and it was a quiet cry so my office mates did not hear me. I was able to stop myself and did some thinking as to reason for the tears which I think I figured it out. Of course, I may be mistaken.
I haven't been to the Roxy in quite awhile. The reason for that is because of the weight gain. I was working at the job for 7 years where I was getting no respect, getting paid very little and so stressed out. I started to eat more and more and the gym faded away from my life. I now carry a basketball in me. The reason I haven't gone to the Roxy is because I felt that I did not belong there anymore because of the basketball in me. I was ashamed of thinking that I can actually go there and be part of the crowd that consisted of muscle daddies, twinks, models, muscle boys, and average joes who were in better shape. I mean just walked the streets of NYC and you can see all the frakking eye candy out there. Its like if a gay man lives in NYC that gay man will end up with a good body and sometimes a great body. If only my parents crossed the Hudson River instead of stopping short in NJ.
Anyway, I kept telling myself that the next time I was going to step into the Roxy was after I lose weight and I can be proud of myself. I can walk in and feel like I belong. I know, I know its a stupid reason to lose weight. I should lose weight becuase its for my health. But it gave me focus, it gave me something to look forward to. Now, that is gone. I think my tears were the result of losing a dream, a fantasy. Yeah there are other gay clubs like Splash, Mr. Black, and Element but Roxy was the first, Roxy was the dream. So what happens now? Does losing the Roxy mean that I will never lose the basketball? Does it mean that I will never feel that I am part of the gay crowd of NYC? That I will always be a NJ boy just looking in and being an outsider? I think that was the cause of my tears, those fears, that loss. And now that I realize it, I just have to work on it and get better.
Gee, I guess blogging is good for venting, for therapy. In the end this has become a special blog because it really opens myself up to strangers. So maybe this just opened a new door for me in terms of blogging. We just have to see. Tata, its off to the bed and I am so drained today.
working
crappy
sleepy
was very good. It was great movie 5. I don't know if there is a term for a fifth movie in a series. I read the book back in March in anticipation of the movie. 
sick
amused
bored
sad