that noise was richie.
Category: Travel and Places

i havent had the internet for more than 10 minutes since last monday, so this is absolutely not going to do this trip justice, but here goes...
we left boston for albany last sunday. i dont remember the date, and at this point i am brain damaged, so i cant use a calendar.
we were headed out and stopped at a wendys. its richie, me, j.t. and duncan sitting at a table, when i brought up the fact that i recently watched the "documentary about the boston comedy scene".
a voice from several feet away spoke out.
"you should be more specific when you are talking about documentaries."
say what? hey freakshow, mind your business. i look up, ready to berate someone when i see that its a mildly retarded vietnamese wendys employee, wiping the same table over and over. i cant berate a retard.
he goes on to tell us, while we are trying to ignore him, that he is going to be on a documentary about vietnam.
"PROMISE ME YOULL WATCH IT. PROMISE.", he commands, amidst twitchy blinking.
"the vietnam war was worse that 9-11! it was!" blink, twitch, blink, twitch, table wipe, blink, wipe.
i wanted to engage him in conversation, but i could tell the boys werent having it. when i left, i wanted desperately to take his picture, but j.t. said no way. i waved goodbye to wendys and said, "bye, charlie" upon exit. j.t. said "his name was charlie?"
no.
"did you name him that because he's vietnamese?"
yes, yes i did. now and forever his name is charlie mcblinkerson.

we did a show in albany that night at bar called valentines. everyone was really cool and i met the guy that does the posters for the stummies and is buddies with all the born to lose guys. he bought some buttons. rad.

after the show we drove to saugerties and stayed with j.t.s friends erica and john in one of the coolest houses ive ever seen. books lining the walls and a perfect mix of antique and modern furniture. she made us enchiladas which i was suspicious of (being from texas) but they were soooo awesome.
richie took the couch and duncan and i got air mattress. we wound up giggling like we were at a slumber party all night amidst thunderous richie gas.
ahh, on tour with boys.

8:11 AM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

boston to albany. stage one. i need pants.
Category: Travel and Places

our last night in boston we did a show at a punk rock ice cream parlor. i did not eat ice cream there, but i hear it was wonderful. i just cant eat ice cream in 40 degree temperature.
the show was for an art show for dave tree’s work and it was packed. i had to clean up my jokes, which nervoused me up a bit, but still fun. we performed in front of the restrooms and a homeless woman apparently had to go, regardless of joke-telling, which was funny.

dave tree is a spectacle. he used to be in a band called tree, and now performs in superpower. he reminds me of jack nicholson, but boozier. i saw his band at o’brien’s and it was awesome. heavy punk rock to pushdance to, with songs about voting for mike dukakis.

dave is fascinating to me. crazy with good stories. so, he is an artist. you know those people who say "i’m an artist, look at my stuff", and it looks like shit? dave tree’s art is not like that. it’s good. i bought some pieces that i could afford, and intend to buy more in the future. check it out.

sunday we got to sleep in a little at larissa, sean and duncan’s house. i awoke to a wall of clocks. ticking. larissa collects clocks. they will haunt my dreams forever.

i changed into my cute, tight pamela anderson jeans in the bathroom, then stopped in the hallway to talk to j.t. and duncan. i dropped one of my punk rock orange earplugs (used for loud rock shows, chris cubas’ snoring and endlessly ticking clocks) on the floor. bending over, i pluck it from the floor, then immediately am heartbroken.
"oh nooooooo", i whine with a look of intense sadness.
"uh, ruby, we can get you some more earplugs. not a problem." comforting words from j.t.
well, what the boys dont know is that dropping my earplug isnt the problem. i have split my pants open. split my pants.

8:23 AM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

so, i’m in boston. should have packed some socks.
Category: Travel and Places

thursday april 3rd we had an awesome kick-off show at headhunters. thanks to everyone who was there. it was a good time.
then...
so, i had planned to go home as early as possible so i could pack. i had to be at the airport at 11:00am on friday. i did go and hang out at mugshots for a little while, and sarah got her boob touched by this random dude in the street (i wont specify what sort of random dude, but he was fat-ish and black).
she starts screaming at him, then shoving ensued. well, i have a problem. i want to kick some ass for my best friend, but i have to get on a plane in the morning, which will be a problem if i am in jail. also, there is a boy with her, so i figured he would be the back up whilst i get on the phone to 911. i figured wrong. this fucking dude lit a cigarette while my best friend got punched in the face by another dude. and i was on the phone. that sucks. i have decided that if sarah ever gets punched in the face again (undeservedly) and i am not catching a plane the next morning, i will fight for her.

since sarah got punched in the face, she wanted to get drunk, which she did. she was supposed to drive me to the airport in the morning, but was still passed out drunk when i had to leave, so i called my cabbie friend al shire and made it. i knew she wasnt waking up when i stuck my finger in her open mouth and she didnt move.

had a typical flight. it was nice to sit next to j.t. habersaat so that i didnt have to engage in conversation with strangers. man, this awesomely nerdy guy behind us was torturing some poor chick with his words. he actually used the phrase "holy moley!" and said "the ladies are amazing down there" about wherever she was from but then talked about his engagement and fiance. he’s engaged. depressing.

got to boston and duncan wilder, another guy on tour with us, picked us up from the airport. we went straight to his house, dropped our stuff, and went to the show at o’brien’s. our first show went okay, but i soon realized that people in boston dont find racism funny. bad for me, but the set went okay. after the comedy, there were boston punk/metal bands. 26 beers, disaster strikes and superpower. the guys were all really cool, and it was fun hanging out watching music in boston and i found out that the weather up here is causing me to not smoke as much. as one girl said outside the bar last night, "its really nice out tonight", and it was 37 degrees and raining. yikes, should have packed some socks.

11:05 AM - 10 Comments - 16 Kudos - Add Comment

a day in the life of a hairdresser-to-be
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

some of you have wondered where my stripper quotes have gone.
well, i done went to school.
beauty school.
here’s what i did today:
9:45-12:45: a fist full of fingerwaves.
1:00-1:30: ate chicken.
1:30-1:35: took roll.
1:35-3:55: learned an ugly haircut that i would never do on a real person.
3:56-4:00: smoked a cigarette.
4:05-4:15: took roll again, this time could not answer "here" without naming my favorite band of all time (which my much younger teacher did not know).
4:15-4:22: read a chapter out of the textbook "popcorn style" (reading a paragraph and then call on another person to read a paragraph, preferably someone you have caught off-guard sleeping, or someone you know cant read).
4:22-4:42: assigned to write a rap about a skin disorder and deliver it for the class. mine is as follows...

you got prickly heat-huge sweat glands
you so ugly -dont wanna hold hands
you got miliaria rubra (mil-ee-a-ria roobra)
so get yo’self to cuba
or better yet-someplace cool-a
’cause yo’ face breaks out
looks like raw meat
especially when exposed to heat.

i run and run but i never sweat.
rode a bike with lance -didnt even get wet
aksed my doctor - what i got?
he said "anhidrosis".

i dont know what rhymes with anhidrosis.
i dont care.
we spent our last 38 minutes playing HEADS UP 7 UP.
i am 30 years old, and i just played HEADS UP 7 UP.
and i was the only one who knew the rules.

who wants a haircut?

2:55 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Stripper Quote

Me: "I want to learn the Superman dance."

Stripper 1: "You can look it up on YouTube."

Stripper 2: "I heard YouTube gives you diseases!"

Long Pause

Me: "...like, a computer virus?"

Stripper 2: "What?..."

2:26 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

i dont "hate" dr. juan

sometimes i overreact.

11:18 PM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Quiet Riot and how much I hate Dr. Juan

I love Quiet Riot.  Whatever.  I love them..  

It's a band, yeah.  I love that band.  Just as much as you love your favorite band.

What am I supposed to say?

I loved Kevin Dubrow.

I loved Quiet Fucking Riot.

And this is what An Asshole had to say...

"Bang! You're Dead!  Brittle health'll leave you dead!"

And this is my reply...

you are a dick.  i hope you get the killer strain of AIDS (not the good kind that magic johnson got) because you are so much of an asshole.  if i ever see you in person and you so much as mention kevin dubrow i will kick you in the nuts so hard that they will sink into your effing already rotting uterus.  thats a promise, dickhole.

3:04 AM - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Stripper Quote

Stripper 1:  "I like your new Subaru.  Those are 4 wheel drive."
Stripper 2:  "No, it's ALL wheel drive."
Stripper 1:  "Whoa.  That's awesome."

5:50 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Stripper Quote

"He's kind of an asshole.  He has little people's syndrome." (guy being discussed is not, in fact, a midget/"little person")

Napoleon complex.  Whatever.

1:03 PM - 6 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment

Stripper Quote

"It's stupid when a girl be namin' herself Hennessey when she look like a 40"

I guess the same could be said for a girl who names herself Mercedes when she looks like a Buick.

8:03 PM - 3 Comments - 7 Kudos - Add Comment