Mexicans Picking Up 2 at Home Depot
Current mood: busy
Category: News and Politics

The other day I was outside of Home Depot, and realized that the statistic of more mexican families has finally exceeded white families in the U.S.   

I saw a mexican male pull up to home depot, and pick up a dentist, a lawyer, and two insurance guys, one of which he screamed at and said "I only need one, your friend will have to stay".  

And so goes the see-saw of the minority balance.  p.s. I am late getting to Home Depot.  If I am going to get picked up, I have to be there extra early.  Comics are in heavy supply, and I need to make a good impression.

4:15 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

The Day the Viagra wore off...
Category: Life

When most people think of who invented Viagra, you say to yourself it must have been a guy.  But oh, Contrare.  (2 years of French)

I witnessed a horrific site the other day that literally ripples through the fabric of our nation.

A man was buying his girlfriend, or mistress, or someone some Jewlery at Macys.  While at another counter a man was buying perfume for his lady acquaintance.

Suddenly both men, shook their heads and declared being at Macys for expensive gifts was a horrible idea.  And, thats when it hit me...

A plot that us men who are to slow to interpert has been discovered.  Its not the cost of the Viagra or amount we should be worried about, its the expense that comes along with it.

Rise up Men!  (Without Assistance) and see the light!!!!

1:26 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

I stepped on something this morning getting out of bed..
Current mood: chipper
Category: News and Politics

At first I barely felt it when I stepped out of bed this morning, a sharp pain to the heel of my foot. Then I looked down and to my surprise an entire Starbucks had started growing right next to my bed. 

At first I was upset, then as the day went on I realized how convienent it will be to wake up lean over and have my venti double latte right there without getting out of bed.  Thank you Starbucks!

4:26 AM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Ancient Chineese Proverb 1,605
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

Wise men say....

Those who Can Do....

Those who can't run real estate informorcials in the middle of the night with midgets, and make up for it, greatly outdoing those who do, with much higher profit margins, and millions to show for it.

5:17 AM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Day 3 - Someone is following me

Dear Diary,

Last night I left my keys and a bottle of lube on the nightstand, when I woke up the keys were there but the lube had been moved to the other nightstand along with a pile of kleenex.  I dont rember moving anything. 

And charges for "Sara does Saratoga" showed up on my cable bill.  True I did watch "Sara does San Francisco", but I dont recall Saratoga. - how did they get inside my house?

5:09 AM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Day 2 - Someone is following me
Category: Life

Dear Journal,

Its now Day 2, In addition to a someone asking for Tim, Some guy named Stu keeps writing me.  He says if I dont come to his comedy show I will be missing out.  Afraid for my life, I went last week.  Instead of clowns and rubber chickens, I wound up mostly listening to crickets and other ambient noises.  Without laughter, was comedy a code word for something else?  Why were people throwing things at the stage instead of me - if I am who THEY are after.  I am so confused. 

I need to run back to my hiding space, I have already risked my whereabouts with this message.

4:13 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

I think someone is following me - Day 1
Current mood: creative
Category: Life

Dear Journal,

I think someone is following me, and as a result I am not getting much work done.

Today when I was sitting at the my desk, my phone rang, and when I picked it up, a woman asked for Tim.  I said there is no Tim here, and she said thanks and hang up.

I am pretty sure, Tim was a made up person, and whoever called was merely staking out my whereabouts for whatever plans their group has against me.

As a prelimanary precauction.  I have contacted Social Security and had my name and ss number changed.   I have also put a deposit down on  a new house, and told my employer I am leaving.

We shall see who wins at this game of cat and mouse.

5:14 AM - 7 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Letter to Canon - Waiting Reply
Current mood: sleepy
Category: Writing and Poetry

Dear Canon Products,

I have invented a new technology that can copy food ingredients in a machine  and produce a Soy copy that looks and tastes like the original copy of a Burger, or Cheese, Soda, .the possibilities beyond what I have already done are wide open. 

I havent copied a living thing yet, but I am working on it.  (Last week I tried to get my cat to hold still but it was way to impatient, no wonder people dont like cats.)

Please let me know if you are interested in the technology and what the form of payment would be for me?  Would I be paid in cash or would you send me a few copy machines if you were interested?  (Personally I would like a copy of Carmen Electra, I think shes pretty)

Please let me know how you would like to proceed as soon as possible I am sure Xerox would be interested to.

P.S. I made an extra copy of this letter just in case in gets lost.

Truly Yours,

Ron Babich

4:41 AM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Latest Invention - Giving Back to Society
Current mood: apathetic
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

To start, I am a giver, more than a taker.  So, in my giving mode I thought, how can I make a difference?  How can I give back to so many people that have given so much to me?   Simple....Invent Flavored window glass strips to stick on windows to lick for kids on the slow bus.

So many times I see those poor kids licking the glass.  And, it looks a bit out of place, and consequently mocked by society.  But, if they had a flavored sticky to put on the glass, then people would think twice before making rude comments. Instead they would say, "hmmmm  I wonder what flavor that kid is licking off the glass?, I bet its strawberry, I wish I had a flavored sticky too".

Please dont thank me, the idea that I can change the world is enough for me.  

5:28 AM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Relatihnship Tips and Tricks
Category: Romance and Relationships

There are so many books and experts that give advice on what to say and do for a terrific relationship, I thought its about time for a fresh list of helpful things Not to say or do to make a relationship perfect.  If you are looking for a perfect relationship avoid saying:

"Actually your right..., it does make you look kinda fat"

"I agree with the whole family unity thing too....do you think your sister would be up for a sleep over - just cuddling"

"Happy Birthday sweetheart, can you open your gift so I can go out with my friends, they are patiently waiting out front"

4:00 AM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment