You're avin' a giraffe.
Current mood: silly
Category: Friends

Just my stupid sense of humour probably but I was driving near my house yesterday and saw a van with the name on the side in huge letters BJ Champion scaffold services.
I saw their van yesterday and nearly pissed myself.

BJ Champion sounds like he's won awards for giving head. LOL  

I kid you not look just found their website. And they seem oblivious to the it.
 
http://www.bjchampion.co.uk/scaffolding.htm

on their website it says...
All trainees complete a rigorous 3 year training course

All the best,

Roy

Currently listening : Pet Sounds By The Beach Boys Release date: 13 July, 1999

10:03 AM - 3 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Our reject animals
Current mood: cranky

We have two dogs a paranoid springer spaniel called Barnaby, who brings back everything because he can't remember what you threw for him in the first place.

We've also got a westy who has an attitude problem, I call him "Mad Jock" because he has little man syndrome he thinks he owns the place and walks around like mad Frankie Fraiser picking on our other dog and our two cats.

Now theres another story, we have one cat who's agoraphobic and won't go further than the conservatory and another one who only comes home to eat and sleep. We have a field at the back of our house and our evil cat keeps bringing back field mice, I've told her 3 times I don't eat them, but she keeps bringing them home anyway.

So my wife who got suckered in by the pet shop owner to buy the latest cat gadget got her a collar that bleeps when she pounces to warn mice and birds that she's about to get them, so our cat now has a kitty ASBO tag for god's sake.



I've come to the conclusion that its their house and they let me live here.

Roy

Currently listening : The Best Of Sade By Sade Release date: 08 November, 1994

8:43 PM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Cider
Category: Life

CIDER




I have been drinking cider since 1987 to be honest I was a Redcoat at Butlin's in Bognor Regis and one day I got really bad stomach cramps. So i went to the doctor who told me (without even looking up and making eye contact with me) that it was me drinking watered down lager every night and not eating properly due to me doing on average 78 hours a week and only eating the food that the punters didnt want about a day later, which had the nutritional value of a first class stamp.

So he suggested that I cut my lager with cider and drink snake bite FFS (can you imagine a doctor giving you advice like that today?) So I did as the doc ordered and started drinking snake bite.


But most landlord's seeing a 6'6" bloke walking into their boozer and ordering as they called it "loopy juice" were having none of it. So I just started drinking cider and have done ever since.


But what really pisses me off was upto about a year ago, you could never get cold cider. Everytime I used to go to my local co-op or corner shop they had about 10 different types of lager cooling nicely in the fridge but the cider was warming nicely on a shelf in the shop somewhere.


But now everyone has jumped on the magner's band wagon every shop has it chilled in the fridge, and even Bulmer's have copied the look of Magners and started selling cider in near on identical bottles.


And what do you have to do to magner's before you drink it? pour half a freezer full of ice in it. thats because their market reaseach people probably like me realised that shops kept their cider on a warm shelves.


And how come you can but 15 ltr's of white lightening for 10 pence,  yet at a  club a little while ago where I had the launch of my book, Magner's was £3.85 a bottle.
Did they use magic apples that were picked by virgins?


Answers on a post card.


All the best til' next time.


Angry from Portsmouth.

4:54 PM - 4 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Blackpool

Hello me again, Well I've had a busy week this week, It started by me going upto Blackpool with my good mates Russ Randelle and Nikki Stapleford to the 55th Annual magic convention.

I hadn't been since 1998 when I was performing in the british magical championships (in the comedy section) so I was really looking forward to it, and I wasn't disappointed.

I was on the lookout for a few new props and to replace some of my bits that were getting tatty, I was also there to help Russ look for a new illusion to put into his circus this season which we did we got the X-Factor Illusion which is a beautiful prop made by illusioncraft of Lancs. Russ was also holding auditions while we were up there and we iauditioned a mongolian Contortionist at 9.00am which was a bit surreal considering we were out on the p*ss til' 6.30am that morning LOL

Apart from looking for new bits it was great to see some old mates up there too, I bumped into Joe Pasquale who I haven't seen for a while.



The Gala show was good this year with some fantastic acts appearing. My favourite has to be DeZauderer 3 german lads who came on dressed as knights, they were fantastic.

Apart from all the magic Russ and I spent every night in the Ruskin Hotel meeting up with old mates and meeting a few new ones and drinking heavily lol, we left there at 6.30 on the Saturday and 4.30 on the Sunday, so sleep wasn't on the agenda much.

Well we had a great time and will be going back again next year too, so you never know we may see some of there.

Well I'm off to my daughters school now as I've been roped in to teach them circus skills and juggling this afternoon. So bye for now and see ya soon.

Roy 

5:15 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Well here goes
Current mood: tired

Hello all, Well here' my attempt at a blog. I've had a busy week this week I haven't stopped. I've done gigs in Exeter, Somerset, Wiltshire, Devon, Sussex and tomorrow I'm off to Shropshire for the night, Then I've got a day off to recharge my batteries on Thursday then I'm off to Blackpool for three days.

Well I'm off to get some shut eye now.

Speak soon,

Roy

Currently listening : Overtones By Just Jack Release date: 01 February, 2007

12:44 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment