Lessons I’ve learned these past years
Category: Life

I've been on top living in a nice condo in the nice part of town in a relationship with a decent job.
I've been homeless living out of my car without knowing what the next day would bring.
One thing I have learned, no matter how hard I try, materialism always crumbles.

I may look like I have nothing.
But I have a strong spirit.  I have my art.
And I have friends and family that I care for and who care for me.
And that really is all I need in this life. 
For that, I am the richest woman alive.

The empire I choose to build is not of comfort and aetheticism.
It is of love and living life.

Let not frustrations overwhelm you... the bills screaming at you.  Deceitful people who pretend to be your friends.  Instead, focus on what you can do with what you have.  I am a strong believer that if you are optimistic it is much easier to notice the positive things lying right in front of you.

3:55 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Sounds like a Country Rock song in my head

Sitting here with a beer
Everyone's gathered here
But I feel so alone

If I could get inside their heads
And realize what's been said
Could I just carry on?

I try to relate to this
But there's always something that I miss
And if you can relate
Maybe I'll take
Some time out to be with you

Every day I'm wandering
Every moment pondering
Where should I turn to next?

I was high when I met you
That doesn't mean I will forget you
It's been so long since I left you

I try to relate to this
But there's always something that I miss

And that might be you.

5:24 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Midnight Fantasy

As you plant your lips upon mine
And say farewell
My heart screams out in panic
That I might never taste those lips again
Or feel the comfort of those arms

And yet sometimes it's like you are right here
Beside me in the darkness
Holding me and stroking my hair

Can this pillow be your chest?
Might I hear your heartbeat as I close my eyes?
Could the draft I feel be but the breath you softly blow against my ear?

If I am falling insane
Let me be insane
Because I have never felt so beautiful
Just to know your love

6:10 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

An Unusual Thing for me to Spill Forth Publicly

I could spill myself into your eyes
And find what I always desired
What might never have been for us
Has grown into an all-consuming fire

You dream.  I dream.  And it turns out the same.
So why must time make us both wait?
I have come to realize it must be real
If I still feel it when I hesitate

Breathe in.  Breathe out.  I have you in my head.
Whisper to me from such a distance.
You are right here... though intangible still.
Yet, between us there is no resistance.

If you love me still when time has allowed us
To finally breathe the same air
Then we will know we're not just fools
Til then, I'll be waiting here.

6:01 AM - 3 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Tell Mama
Category: Writing and Poetry

It's a fine time to write.  Hopefully I'm afraid for nothing.  But I wrote this tonight as I wait for tomorrow
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Tell Mama to go and dry her tears
If I go away part of me will still be here
I know I've made it pretty tough
But I can't say I love you enough.

I'm sitting here tired from the pills
Tired of feeling so in pain and ill
Hope for the best but fearing the worst
Does this really have to hurt?

And all my friends I hold so dear
It's been beautiful being here
I love you all there is no doubt
Gonna rock like hell all the way out

Maybe it's just the fear in me
But I think I need to say this, please.
I hope I did what I came to do
Tell Mama, I love all of you.

6:31 AM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

My Favorite Things

I'm not the dark girl I seem to be.
I love some awfully happy things.  I go crazy for clowns and carnival themes.  I like cartoons.  Like ladybugs.  I will stop for a moment if a butterfly passes.
I like jumping in rain puddles and wishing on stars.
Swinging on swingsets in the dark.
Catching fireflies in the palms of my hands.
Kicking back with a couple of friends.
Watching the sunset after a long hard day.
Pointing out colors amid the grey.
Playing with puppies.
Singing in the shower.
Tripping on sounds that nature makes.
Sculpting faces in a plate of food.
The dark stuff you see is what I chose to bring forth, to get over my fears and take them out of the dark.

8:09 PM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Dancing on the Spiral

First time I packed my bags I had no clue what I was getting into.  I'd never gone out on my own.  I'd never been so far from home.  I was terrified but knew that if I didn't go face every fear I had and try to live, I'd die right where I was.  So I went.  They all called me crazy, but when I got there they all knew.  There was nothing better I could do.
I came back just as broke, but with confidence and stories to tell.
And now I'm thinking it may be time again.
But I'm still moving in a new direction.  I've got love in my heart.  And a lot on my mind.  I've got dreams that'll never die.
Who ever knows where they'll end up?
Just live this life and don't give up.

6:44 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Scammed

Are you shittin' me?
I was told I'd have a SALARY as a full time sales dealer.
So for three weeks I have been busting ass, getting sales leads, going to every sales meeting.  Working full time earning my salary.
On my way to a demo today, I called work to ask if we were getting paid today or tomorrow.

Apparently there was a quota they failed to mention.  And I hadn't reached it.  And would not be paid until I met it.

FUCK!?

You mean to tell me I ain't getting paid?

Mother fuckers.  I have bills, rent, groceries, life.  I haven't been able to go out or anything because I was working for free.

Burned.  Scammed.

I'm reporting these fuckers soon as TWC is open Monday morning.

1:49 AM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

What’s Holding You Back?

I hear it time and time again.
"Wow, I'd love to do that, but..."
Back when I was 21 my sister sat me down.  She told me I had so much potential.  She said I should stop making excuses and holding myself back.
Not long after that I packed my bags and just left.
Since then I have never been the same.
So sitting here I'm thinking of  things to take care of.
Car payments.  Loans and stuff.
And too much junk to haul around.
And really isn't stuff only a burden?  I'm never going to read all these books again.  Or watch these movies.  I'm not in my room enough to care for the decorations.
It's just clutter.  Stuff.  Junk holding me back.
I think it's time for some cleansing.

3:15 PM - 2 Comments - 5 Kudos - Add Comment

Wander

If you only knew the fire burning in my soul
You'd understand what makes me do what I do.
It may look an awful lot like running away to you.

I'm drawn to some strange paths, my friends.
Destined to wander and fan the flame.
Life day to day should never be the same.

If I hesitate I lose my place.
If I close my eyes I won't see what I need
And standing here blindly I'll never succeed

And if you knew what love I've been given
And how I could return that eightfold
You'd never question what writhes in my soul

And any true friend I've ever known
Will always be connected with me
And soon, my friends, you will see.
This thing that sets me free.
This thing that makes me... me.

3:52 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment