She Writes Right!

Check out my latest article at emPower Magazine.  http://www.empowernewsmag.com/listings.php?article=43

I appreciate your comments and critiques.

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In Honor of the Brothers

Sunday was Father's Day.  I knew this, but really wasn't paying a whole lot of attention to it.  I made sure to send a card to my grandfather and my uncle so that I wouldn't have to run around at the last minute and run the risk of the card getting there late.  I spent way to much time in bed on Sunday morning, contemplating if I was going to church or going to work, so I did neither.  As I was getting dressed to head out, it happened.  I think I was watching NBC or whatever channel was airing the golf tourney and they showed the Nike commercial with the montage of Tiger Wood's photos with him and his dad.  I don't know if I felt empathy for Tiger after losing his father or if was the tenderness that was conveyed in the images or if I was mourning a little for my father, but after the commercial went off I cried for a good minute or so.  Hard.  I cried so hard my stomach hurt.  I was convinced that I had finally lost my mind.  After I pulled myself together I began to think that those type of images, those of a father loving his child or trying to cultivate that child's talent, aren't ones that we see too often.  That commercial (and my reaction to it) and a few conversations that I have had this week has encouraged me to give the brothers their props.

Earlier in the week, I had a conversation with a brother about the difficulties that black women and black men have relating to each other.  We talked about his relationship, how his woman makes more money than he does and how the income of the female in the relationship makes some brothers feel emasculated.  He then turned on me and said, "you probably wouldn't talk to a so called blue collar brother." I said that is so far from the truth it's funny.  I like to feel like I don't need a man to do anything for my financially although if a brother wanted to be generous and share with me, I wouldn't tell him no.  I went on to say that these so called blue collar brothers don't approach me and if they do, they don't approach me in a way that I think is becoming of a woman or that deserves my attention.  But, I can't say that the "white collar" brothers do much better.  You have to deal with a huge amount of arrogance and conceit with that group.  He said that the problem with us is that we can't communicate with each other.  We're both trying so hard to hold up the world and not seem vulnerable.  I agreed.  I asked what was the status of his relationship, he said shaky at best.  He went on to say that his woman was threatening to leave him if they didn't get married.  I told him I thought she should leave because at this point (she's in her late thirties, wants to have children and they've been together for three years) he's wasting her time if her goal is to be married.  He agreed and said it would be awful if their relationship ended, but he didn't want to be pressured into anything.  Our conversation was a good one and made me feel good that a man and a woman could have that type of interaction and hopeful that brothers are at least conscious of the affects of their behavior on our relationships.

Finally, I attended a dinner gathering to welcome a friend's mother into town.  There was a diverse group of people there and the topic of our conversation was to be the evolution of Dave Chappelle and the Black Man series in the Washington Post.  The conversation spanned from PanAfrican idealism to the evils of hip hop (y'all know I had a beef with that).  But as we went around the room saying our piece, I appreciated the fact that several people gave a shout out to their dads and spoke of them being positive role models.  One seriously lettered brother (2 masters degrees and a Ph. D., woah!) told his father, who died earlier this year, only had a third grade education but sent both of his children through college.  I'm always amazed by our resilience.  There was a fifty something couple that also had me feeling all warm and fuzzy.  The wife introduced herself first and then the husband.  The thing that got me though was the way that the husband introduced himself.  He said, "I'm her best friend and the father of our children." (go ahead Pops).  He want on to praise his son (in giving an example of a good black role model) for being an Eagle Scout and said that he's an example of how it takes a village to raise a child. 

With all my experiences this week, listening to discussions and taking part in conversations, I've figured that it's time to stop trying to diagnose the black man problem.  I don't think we need anybody else reporting or studying about what the black man problem is.  It's been done to death.  Solutions come when we work on ourselves, when we sit in houses or in lounges and talk to each other.  When men have a solid network of other brothers that they can discuss these "problems" with.  When men feel comfortable and deem it necessary to communicate with women and listen with an open ear when women convey to them what their problems are.    I'm hopeful that brothers are going to work it out.

Happy (belated) Father's Day!

10:03 AM - 11 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Riding on E in DC

From May 1, 2006

This past week was a trying one at best.  I knew that the weekend wouldn't be much better, with work and other social obligations, but figured I'd be able to get some rest on Sunday.  WRONG!!  I woke up early Sunday to attend church, go to the car wash, the grocery store and to the nail shop.  I was done with all of this by 1 and figured I'd have a chance to get a quick nap in before going to a meeting at 3.  WRONG!!  Just as I was going down for a nap, a friend of mine called to vent about another friend who had made some questionable decisions.  That conversation went on for about an hour, but I figured I would at least get 45 minutes of sleep before I had to leave home.  WRONG!!  When I finally laid down, a couldn't fall asleep so I ended up watching the "Miami Vice" marathon on TV Land.  Sometime while I was watching TV and was dead asleep at 3pm.  I jumped up at about 5 after 3 to go to my meeting which lasted about 3 hours.  When I finally got back home, I logged onto my computer instead of getting in the bed.  BAD IDEA!!  After spending more time than I wanted to on the computer, I decided to straighten up my bed room.  In my haste to tidy up, I ended up throwing a blouse that I just bought on Friday in the garbage can.  Thank goodness I could retrace my steps and went an dug my blouse out of the trash (that may sound gross, but I wasn't about to throw my money away like that).  Now my room is just as junked up as it was before because I was trying to find this blouse.  I began to wind down around 9 to watch my HBO shows and went to bed around 11.  Then around 12am, I woke up because I thought someone was knocking on my front door.  In my sleepy haze, I started to get up to answer it, but then realized if it was someone knocking on my door at this time of morning, it would sound more urgent.  I hear the knocking again, but this time I can tell that this is not knocking, but somebody hammering something.  HAMMERING AT MIDNIGHT WTF!!!!  And, the hammering was going outside on one of my neighbor's balconies.  I prayed myself calm because I couldn't believe that someone was actually making this noise at midnight on a Sunday and the  hammering stopped after a few minutes.   

5:16 AM - 6 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment

Whip You With a Strap
Current mood: sleepy

I've decided to doing small things to treat myself every week.  This week I bought two CDs, "Timeless" by Sergio Mendes and "Fishscale" by Ghostface Killah.  I wanted the "Timeless" CD for a while now, but was turned completely off when I saw the CD being sold in Starbucks and after I found out that most of the CD was produced by will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas.  I got over that because I had heard some slamming tracks off of the CD and after hearing it I can say that the CD is FIRE.  Some tracks are a bit too "smooth jazz" for my taste, but over all it's an enjoyable musical experience.

As for "Fishscale," I had my doubts about buying this CD as well because although I profess to be a true hip hop head, I haven't purchased a lot of hip hop CDs (meaning an artist's entire CD instead of a mix tape or a burned CD of the tracks I like) because a lot of the music is contrary to my womanist ideals and I don't want to promote the drug culture by buying a CD from an artist that glorifies this culture.  With all that said, that CD was FIYAAAH (like a reggae dj would say it).  Maybe my ear hasn't heard enough of this style of rap, but I was impressed by the lyrics (for the most part) and by the tracks.  I liked that I could sit down and visualize the story that was being laid out in the songs.  There was one song in particular that stands out in my  mind.

Track 12 is entitled "Whip You With a Strap." The intro is the track before that is basically of some little boy cussing out Ghostface and him responding back by telling him that he needs to get his butt whipped.  "Whip You With a Strap," is a song about Ghostface reminiscing about his childhood and the times that he would get beat and how the problem with the children of today stems from children not getting beat.  I may be hypersensitive, but this song has stuck in my  mind, especially a particular part of the song where he mimics himself crying as a child.  I don't have any children, but I do not think that it's cool to beat a child as a form of discipline.  It seems like people see as a badge of honor, or something to laugh about as adults.  People justify beating their children because that's the way they were raised or make biblical references to sparing the rod and spoiling the child.  I thought it ironic that this man who is extolling the positive affects of a regular beating is the same man who raps about stabbing folks, shooting folks, parties with women snorting coke, and botched drug deals.  A lot of good those beatings did him.

I'll get off my soapbox now.  Enjoy good music and stop beating your kids.

8:00 PM - 11 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Reflection
Current mood: grateful

At around 6 o'clock today, when I was trying to keep myself from falling completely asleep at my desk, my aunt called my cell phone.  The call itself was nothing unusual.  My family and friends call me at work on a regular basis because I sometimes work strange hours.  She told me that she took my grandmother to the hospital yesterday because she had been complaining of chest pains and she was admitted so that the doctors could perform test to determine if she had had a heart attack.  She told me that the doctor found evidence of earlier heart attacks, but that there were no enzymes that indicated that she had suffered one recently.  My face immediately flushed and a felt nauseous.  I know that if my grandmother had suffered a serious injury, then there was nothing that I could do about it and that made me sick. 

I called my grandmother after my aunt gave me the number to her hospital room and she was in good spirits.  She complained about the hospital food and said she was ready to go home.  I told her that I had been having a vision of she and I together all day.  I was washing her feet.  She said that maybe that meant that I was helping her to heal.  She told me that she expected to be released tomorrow.  I spoke to another aunt who was at the hospital with my grandmother and she told me that the family had been monitoring my grandmother's health because one of her doctors said that there was evidence that she had suffered several mini strokes.

I called my mother to tell her that my grandmother was in the hospital (she's my paternal grandmother) and my mother asked if I was okay.  I told that I was upset, but I was feeling okay.  She told me that I should be thankful to have lived to be almost thirty and to still have all of my grandparents alive to share my life with.  I definitely feel what my mother is saying, but I'm feeling more than a little bit shook.  I'm glad that I didn't get the call that she had died, because I know that I wouldn't have been able to keep it together until I left the office. 

Reflecting  on my life, I can say that I'm truly thankful to have been able to spend so much of my life with my grandparents and be able to learn from the wisdom of the elders.  I also appreciate the fact that my grandmother always raised me to be an independent woman, but also gave me the freedom to become the woman that I am and not what she wanted me to be.  I love my grandmother and my spirit is at peace because I know she has been healed and when it's finally time for her to transition to the spirit realm she'll always be around me to protect me and share her wisdom.

8:42 PM - 5 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment

It's April, but why is it still so cold?

This blog will be short, I'm just trying to get back into the practice of writing. 

It is April 17 and the temperature is somewhere in the fifties.  I love DC, but stuff like this makes me want to be back in Florida.  Not only is it cold, but it was rainy this morning and will probably be raining later in the week.  The weather this weekend was great though.  Sun all day Saturday a little rainy on Sunday.  It made for good weather for Easter.

This is boring I know, but this is all I've got right now.

6:56 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Remember to breathe
Current mood: blah

Peace peace y'all.  Everytime I look at my blog entries I'm always like "Wow, it's been a whole month."  Well, it has been so I guess it's further indicative of what I'm writing about today.  Plus, I had another whole blog that I started writing yesterday and due to my error or the error of Myspace, it's gone, so this is something fresh.

It seems to me that lately there aren't enough hours in the day.  I'm always rushing to do something; rushing to get dressed, rushing to drive to work, rusing to choke down my meal, and rushing to get things finished that I had totally forgotten that I needed to finish.  But I think I've figured it out.  It's because I'm always late.  I mean, if I complete tasks early or arrive at events early, then there will be no reason to rush.  It has to be a psychological disorder or something because even when I factor in time to be early I'm still late.  Take this morning for instance.  I knew I had to work all day today so I set my alarm clock to go off at the regular work day time.  When the alarm went off, I hit the off, not the snooze, button and went back to sleep.  I woke up an hour later when some rude assed person was honking a car horn in front of the building next door.  You'd think that I would have gotten up then.  Nope.  I laid in bed and watched a good portion of the Today show and left the house a little after 10.  I felt really bad because I know that I played an active role in my tardiness by just laying there, but rationalized it by saying since I had to be at work all day at least I got to enjoy my morning.  That's a shame, ain't it?

Then I kind of figured that since people call it "CP time," then it must be a colored folk thing (yep, I said "colored folk," but just because I'm about to talk about my grandpa and he still says "colored folk") but that can't be the case because my grandfather is never, I mean NEVER late.  I remember when I was in high school and my grandfather would wake me up at 6 am when school didn't start until 8am and we had a less than 10 minute drive to get there.  In the afternoon, I'd look out the window of my 6th period class and see my grandfather parked in his truck across the street from the school reading the newspaper.  The school day had 7 periods!  I said all of that to say that being late can't be a "colored folks" thing or a genetic thing in my case for that matter.

The funny thing about all of this is that I hate when other people are late.  I mean it really gets me heated and I can't stand to feel like my time is being wasted.  Just this week, I was supposed to meet someone at a specific time and when he arrived about an hour late I had a serious screw face on.  Granted there was some miscommunication but the idea that I had to wait just added to my aggravation.  It's messed up that I waste folks time all of the time, but let somebody be late and have the nerve to keep me waiting.  A sister gets HEATED!  Logical it ain't, but it is what it is.

I've been taking steps to help me with my chronic tardiness.  I've been writing lists so that I'll know what I have to get done and just check stuff off as I finish it.  Also, I keep a better record of the times of events by jotting it down in my PDA.  I try to get gas in the evening before I get home so that I don't have to rush and do it in the morning.  And I've set a bed time to keep myself from staying up late at night and surfing the channels to find an episode of Law & Order.  It hasn't worked, but I'm trying.  Now if I can just figure out what can get me out of the bed and stop me from watching that chipper Katie Couric in the morning, I'll be good.

(I wish I was at the Eric Roberson concert instead of in this damn office )

Currently listening : Vault Vol. 1.5 By Eric Roberson Release date: 13 January, 2004

9:59 PM - 10 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Some shit to ponder
Category: Life

Around the end of the year, I get in this weird contemplative, bordering on depressed, mood.  It sucks.  Maybe it's seasonal affective disorder or maybe I'm just crazy.  Maybe it has something to do with my father having died around Christmas time and his absence still being so painfully obvious or it's the fact that the year is almost over and I haven't gotten a damned thing accomplished.  Since I'm in such a reflective mood, I wanted to jot down a few things that I've been thinking about as the year comes to an end.

1.  How come folks give you compliments when you look your absolute worste?:  The other day I know I must have looked like hell warmed over.  My hair was barely tamed, I had on some ill fitting pants and a big sweater.  I had on a knit cap pulled down tight on my head and a big jacket. I get in my building to head up to my floor to work and there's a man waiting for the elevator on the opposite side of the hall staring all  up in my face.  I wanted to mean mug him but decided against it because I was at work and had no idea who this man was or who in my office he may know.  Now when I'm looking hot to death, no one even raises an eyebrow, but when I'm looking like shit, I get all types of looks.  Funny ain't it?

2.  Why are women so damned catty?:  I've never been one to try to degrade women are buy into the stereotype that we can't get along, but the older I get the stronger my compulsion to give a bitch a swift kick in the ass grows.  A few weeks ago, some of my girls and I went to NY for the weekend and the trip was rife with drama.  Now, I'll admit that we are all a bit spoiled and self-centered, suffering from the only child syndrome, but we usually are cool.  But during our time in NY, I was almost certain that we wouldn't be hanging out anymore.  The air was thick with attitude and snide remarks.  Then, this past weekend, I went to a Christmas party with some other women that I associate with.  The mood was festive, but I did note how certain women would give others the once over when they walked through the door, surveying what they had on and what type of gift or beverage they brought.  Damn!  Can a bitch breathe?  I hate that about women.  Why is everything a competition with us?

3.  How come it takes someone else's misfortune for us to realize how much we  have to be thankful for?:  Last month, a friend of mine died after a long bout with cancer.  She was my age with a kid and a husband and now she's no longer in this world.  I knew she was sick, but had no idea of the severity of her illness.  I found out she had died the day before Thanksgiving, which happened to be the day after my birthday and it really left me shook.  Just the idea that someone who I had been friends with was dead.  It really made me think of the life that I'm living and if I were to die right now, what would people remember about me.  I have a co-worker who is a complete cut up.  I don't know what it is about me, but I think because I tend to be very serious I am drawn to people who would be the "class clown" type.  We were talking about life and if life can bring sudden happiness just as easily as it brings sudden tragedy.  I said of course.  A few days later, she and another coworker were talking about health insurance and she alluded to some problems she was having with the health insurance company.  Later in the week, she relayed a phone call from a friend of hers who may potentially have MS.  She went on to say that she felt that her own battle with MS should be an example to her girl that it is indeed a serious illnesss, but that it can be dealt with.  To watch this sister on a daily basis, I never would have imagined that she was dealing with something like that.  She's funny as hell and never seems to be fretting about any medical issue.  It really is a shame that it takes comparing your life to someone else's to put your "problems" in perspective.

4.  Why are men so damned annoying?:  I really am aspiring to be at a point in my life when the dumb shit that men do doesn't grate on my nerves so much, but I'm not, so this is what you get.  Also, let me preface the following statements by saying that stereotypes usually result in one making ignorantly overbroad statements (but, sometimes the shit is true).  Why is it that men tend to shy away when you assert yourself.  I guess it's too much to ask to just let your nuts hang ladies. (I really need to stop saying stuff like "let my nuts hang" and "suck my dick."  That's not too lady like.). 

Why is it that men try to pub themselves as being different, but then do the same trifling shit that most of them do?  For instance, I had grown to like a really nice man who I thought was a true original.  What I mean by that is that our conversations never started with sex because that wasn't the nature of our relationship and we could always talk about things on a deep intellectual level.  But what I didn't like was the inconsistency of it all.  Like, don't act like you're in love with me when we're face to face, but then I can't even get you to return my calls when we're not together.  Then, when I confront him on the whole shittiness of the situation, I get no response.  I mean NOTHING.

And on the flip side of that, why is it that when you meet a man and he tells you he's not out for sex, but that's all he talks about out?

5.  Why is family so damned annoying?:  I truly love my family, but sometimes they also need to get their asses beat for being so aggravating.  For instance, every time my mother and grandmother come to visit me, I'm ready for them to leave after 3 days.  I love them, but I don't know if it's our personalities clashing, but we can really get into sometimes.  On one visit in particular, my mother was being particularly disagreeable and refused to go to any outing that I proposed.  I told her if she didn't want to go, then she could go back home.  I thought I was doing something big, but that sister flipped it on me and laughed in my face. 

Then this morning, my phone rang at 7 am.  I knew who it was, my Grandma!  I love my grandmother to pieces.  We have a special relationship.  She was asking when I was coming home for Christmas and just wanted to check up on me in general.  She put my aunt on the phone, so that we could wish each other happy holidays because she won't be in town when I get there, and my aunt began to thoroughly ruin my day.  She was saying how she had observed my grandmother's deteriorating health and that we needed to be more proactive in making sure that my grandparents' doctors knew about the changes in their health.  Both my grandparents are well into their eighties, but for some reason, I have a hard time imagining them not being here.  I started thinking about this on my drive to work and my eyes were watering.  I had to check myself because I was already late and if I came in the door with red eyes, I'm sure someone would think that I had been smoking.

There are so many aggravating and funny bits about life to ponder.  I'm hoping as a result of all of this thinking, I'll be able to resolve some of my issues and get a grip on my depressed end of the year state and start 2006 off on a high note.

3:53 PM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

My guilty pleasure

10:04 AM - 7 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

One gray hair
Current mood: contemplative

I found it yesterday.  I was looking at myself in the bathroom mirror, smoothing down the stray hairs that were not bound by my barrette and admiring my eye makeup.  And, there it was...one gray hair.  My heart started to beat a little fast and I tried to convince myself that it was just lint or a piece of string or something.  I damn near head butted the mirror trying to get in close to get a good look at the hair and try to pluck it out.  I kept pulling out my hair, but couldn't get a grip on that gray one.  By the time I had almost plucked myself bald on one side of my head, one of my coworkers came into the bathroom and saw that I was clearly distressed.  My eyes were moist (yes, I was about to cry because the sight of the gray hair made me feel like I was 100 years old) and asked if everything was okay.  With a wavering voice I told her no, that I had found a gray hair.  This woman is in here late twenties or early thirties with very blonde hair.  She tried to stifle a grin and said, "well it's ok.  I just lighten my hair to hide the gray."  That's easy for you to say lady, I'm 27 and hot as hell.  I can't have this gray hair in my head.  I felt the same way I felt when my age bracket changed on those surveys.  You know, 18 -25, then 26 - 34 (Oh God, I'm an old head!).

I never thought I would have such an issue with aging.  I used to make jokes with my girlfriends about going back to our 10 year class reunion and sitting in the corner and cracking on all the folks who look like hell.  Well, fast forward 10 years and the reunion has come and gone.  My girlfriend is visiting for the weekend and has brought a DVD from the class reunion and you wouldn't believe how shitty some people look.  There was this really cool white guy, Doug.  He was the pseudo-cool guy, I say pseudo-cool because he tried too hard to be cool, but he was friendly with the black kids ( there weren't a whole lot of us at the school and my hometown doesn't have the most racially diverse population) and he had cool hair and a cool car.  Anyway, as we were watching the DVD, my girl and I looked at each other and said, "Is that Doug!"  I swear he has five chins now.  There was also another guy at the reunion who I knew in high school, but can't remember his name now.  He was in a band and wore a ponytail.  He was in my band class and was cool with me.  Now, the ponytail is gone, has a receeding hairline and a big belly.  The kicker was all of the Becky types, you know, the chipper white chicks that you wanted to push down as you passed in the hall way.  A lot of them looked the same, but a lot of them were huge.  Now, I kinda regret not going after seeing the DVD, but I figured the reunion would be just as cliquish as school was and none of my peeps were going to be there anyway.

I'm sure you're wondering how I've held up over the years.  I'll be the first to say that I'm nowhere near as tight and toned as I used to be, but I'm still sexy and thanks to birth control pills and a little self control, I haven't birthed 100 children, so mostly everything is still in place.  It's just kinda frightening to me to see how time can ravage a body and how fleeting youth is.

Enough of my philosophical waxing.  I just know when I see the next gray hair I will get my ass to my hairstylist with the quickness.  I know getting older is a beautiful and blessed thing, but I've gotta preserve this for as long as I can.

4:28 PM - 12 Comments - 5 Kudos - Add Comment