The Sam Tripoli Project @ the Comedy Central Stage!
Current mood: ecstatic
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

After years of hard work and never giving up I finally have been given the only thing you can really ever ask for in Hollywood and in Life: a CHANCE!  When all is said in done, a chance to swing for greatness -- to show off you talent and live your dreams -- is all you can hope for when you come into the world and try to make your mark.  
So the incredibly smart people at Comedy Central have allowed me the opportunity to present The Sam Tripoli project! This is the show I've always dreamed of starring in since the first moment I touched a microphone!
 Now everyone in Hollywood knows that you can't count on anything until the contracts are signed and the money in the bank.  But what you can do is celebrate each individual moment and enjoy the success of that step forward!   So please reserve you seat and enjoy my moment in the sun!  If you love fun dirty jokes please come out and laugh.  
There's going to be limited seating so you must reserve your seats quickly.  To reserve VIP seating please email me @ samtripolilive@gmail.com!  Finally please only reserve if you know you can definitely make it!  I must fill this show with Sam Tripoli fans and there can't be any empty seats.

The Sam Tripoli Project
July 24th @ 8pm
Comedy Central Stage The Hudson Theatre

6539 Santa Monica Blvd.Los Angeles, CA  90038

(located just east of Highland)

5:10 PM - 6 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment

Global Warming,The Stock Market and Unrest in the Middle East, who cares when you’re broke
Current mood: giddy
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

1:54 PM - 12 Comments - 17 Kudos - Add Comment

Sam Tripoli and Joe Rogan are tag team long distance heckler destroyers..
Current mood: naughty
Category: Religion and Philosophy

7:17 PM - 9 Comments - 16 Kudos - Add Comment

I’m adopting a child and it’s my 33 year old friend Jayson Thibault!
Current mood: crazy
Category: Friends

I'm proud to announce that in the great tradition, or latest fad, of the Hollywood rich and famous I've decided to adopt a child!  Unfortunately I couldn't find a 3rd world country that would allow me to take home one of those cute little toddlers you see on TV. So I tried to adopt an American kid, you know made in U.S.A. and all the patriotic stuff, but no one here would cough up a kid either.

I was about to give up on my dream of fatherhood when destiny decided to dance her little dirty dance! It happened one night when I was partying with one of my favorite people in the world – Jayson Thibault.  And it was a very special party because Jayson's mom was in town and was down to get her drink on.  That's when the idea hit me: why not hook up with Jayson's mom and then adopt my friend?!?  How perfect would it be to be my best friend's step dad!  

Knowing Jayson's mom is a cougar and probably dying to get shagged I decided to make my move!  Within minutes my tongue was shoved down Thibault mom's throat and I was whispering sweet nothings to her like: "Have you ever boned in your kid's bed?"  and "You've got your tubes tied, right? Because I hate condoms!" 

Just like that I had her purring like a kitten because she was completely shit faced! Of course Jayson got pissed when he caught us going at it in his room. 

Jayson yelled: "Dude did you just bang my mom?

Me: "Jayson...... Yeah pretty much!"

Jayson:  "Dude! That's not cool, that's my mom!"

Me: "Jayson, I'm going to marry your mom and then I promise to adopt you!  I just want you to know that I'm not trying to replace your father even though you never knew your dad!"

Jayson: "Dude, you're not adopting me!"

Me: "You're mother and I had a discussion about it right before she past out naked. I just wanted to let you know that there are two people in this world who really love and care about you!"

Jayson: "You're an asshole!"

Me:  "Hey, that's not how a son of mine talks to his elders!"

Jayson: "Dude, I'm two months older than you!"

Me: "Hey! Watch your mouth!  Back in my day, kids didn't get lippy their parents!"

Jayson: "We went to school together Dickhead!"

Me:  "That's it! Get to your room right now before I get the belt out!"

It was a little rough at first, you know, because raising a child isn't easy even if he's not a child.  Sometimes I just want to be his friend but then I realize that a kid doesn't need a friend but needs a father!  I wish there was a manuel on how to deal with certian situations,  like the time I caught him smoking weed. 

Me: "What's going on here?"

Jayson: "Ahhhhhh, what does it look like? I'm getting high fool!

Me:  "Give me that......Listen, I know what it's like to want to experiment with drugs. I tried to smoke weed when I was your age."

Jayson: I know you used to smoke weed when you were my age because I bought this weed off of you last week!"

Me: "Not in my house!  No son of mine is getting high off the marijuana.  If you're lucky I won't tell your mother about this.  Even though I really can't right now because she's blacked out again!"

I love my drunken wife and my 33-year-old kid with all my heart!  We're going to be one dysfunctional family but then again what family isn't!

11:14 AM - 5 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Guess what, Ugly betty ain’t that ugly, I’d shag it!

9:19 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

F@King Robots are coming! Seriously, Robots that like to f@k are coming...
Current mood: pissed off

It looks like Tripoli is like right again!  The robots are coming people and these cyborgs are really horny!  For years I've been warning people about the sex robot invasion just to be stared at like I was retarded!  Well lookie lookie, it seem like the main stream media is finally catching on to what Tripoli's been screaming about for years which is avaiable on my comedy cd "Crimefighter" and can be purchased on paypal. Sorry about the plug but Tripoli's got product to push!    It's already happening in Japan, people are hooking up with Fimbots.  Now it looks like it's just a matter of time before the sex robots are here and the shit's going to hit the fan.  That's right guys the metal people are coming and they're coming for our women!  We all know how women love their pocket rockets!  Just imagine how much fun they'll have with some walking talking IPOD with a detachable penis cranking out Maroon 5!  We must do something now or else it will be too late!  I can't imagine what is going to happen to my life when I can bang robots all day.  I can barely leave my house thanks to fucking myspace.  I can't imagine what's going to happen to me when I can shag the bionic woman all day!  Please we must stop this now before we start using WD40 as lubricantion.  Below is an article on MSNBC.com written by Charles Q. Choi.   Oh yeah before I forgot........I TOLD YOU SO! 

Sex and marriage with robots? It could happen

Robots soon will become more human-like in appearance, researcher says

 By Charles Q. Choi

Special to LiveScience

Humans could marry robots within the century. And consummate those vows.

"My forecast is that around 2050, the state of Massachusetts will be the first jurisdiction to legalize marriages with robots," artificial intelligence researcher David Levy at the University of Maastricht in the Netherlands told LiveScience. Levy recently completed his Ph.D. work on the subject of human-robot relationships, covering many of the privileges and practices that generally come with marriage as well as outside of it.

At first, sex with robots might be considered geeky, "but once you have a story like 'I had sex with a robot, and it was great!' appear someplace like Cosmo magazine, I'd expect many people to jump on the bandwagon," Levy said.

The idea of romance between humanity and our artistic and/or mechanical creations dates back to ancient times, with the Greek myth of the sculptor Pygmalion falling in love with the ivory statue he made named Galatea, to which the goddess Venus eventually granted life.

This notion persists in modern times. Not only has science fiction explored this idea, but 40 years ago, scientists noticed that students at times became unusually attracted to ELIZA, a computer program designed to ask questions and mimic a psychotherapist.

"There's a trend of robots becoming more human-like in appearance and coming more in contact with humans," Levy said. "At first robots were used impersonally, in factories where they helped build automobiles, for instance. Then they were used in offices to deliver mail, or to show visitors around museums, or in homes as vacuum cleaners, such as with the Roomba. Now you have robot toys, like Sony's Aibo robot dog, or Tickle Me Elmos, or digital pets like Tamagotchis."

In his thesis, "Intimate Relationships with Artificial Partners," Levy conjectures that robots will become so human-like in appearance, function and personality that many people will fall in love with them, have sex with them and even marry them.

"It may sound a little weird, but it isn't," Levy said. "Love and sex with robots are inevitable."

Sex with robots in 5 years
Levy argues that psychologists have identified roughly a dozen basic reasons why people fall in love, "and almost all of them could apply to human-robot relationships. For instance, one thing that prompts people to fall in love are similarities in personality and knowledge, and all of this is programmable. Another reason people are more likely to fall in love is if they know the other person likes them, and that's programmable too."

In 2006, Henrik Christensen, founder of the European Robotics Research Network, predicted that people will be having sex with robots within five years, and Levy thinks that's quite likely. There are companies that already sell realistic sex dolls, "and it's just a matter of adding some electronics to them to add some vibration," he said, or endowing the robots with a few audio responses. "That's fairly primitive in terms of robotics, but the technology is already there."

As software becomes more advanced and the relationship between humans and robots becomes more personal, marriage could result. "One hundred years ago, interracial marriage and same-sex marriages were illegal in the United States. Interracial marriage has been legal now for 50 years, and same-sex marriage is legal in some parts of the states," Levy said. "There has been this trend in marriage where each partner gets to make their own choice of who they want to be with."

"The question is not if this will happen, but when," Levy said. "I am convinced the answer is much earlier than you think."

When and where it'll happen
Levy predicts Massachusetts will be the first jurisdiction to legalize human-robot marriage. "Massachusetts is more liberal than most other jurisdictions in the United States and has been at the forefront of same-sex marriage," Levy said. "There's also a lot of high-tech research there at places like MIT."

Although roboticist Ronald Arkin at the Georgia Institute of Technology in Atlanta does not think human-robot marriages will be legal anywhere by 2050, "anything's possible. And just because it's not legal doesn't mean people won't try it," he told LiveScience.

"Humans are very unusual creatures," Arkin said. "If you ask me if every human will want to marry a robot, my answer is probably not. But will there be a subset of people? There are people ready right now to marry sex toys."

The main benefit of human-robot marriage could be to make people who otherwise could not get married happier, "people who find it hard to form relationships, because they are extremely shy, or have psychological problems, or are just plain ugly or have unpleasant personalities," Levy said. "Of course, such people who completely give up the idea of forming relationships with other people are going to be few and far between, but they will be out there."

Ethical questions
The possibility of sex with robots could prove a mixed bag for humanity. For instance, robot sex could provide an outlet for criminal sexual urges. "If you have pedophiles and you let them use a robotic child, will that reduce the incidence of them abusing real children, or will it increase it?" Arkin asked. "I don't think anyone has the answers for that yet — that's where future research needs to be done."

Keeping a robot for sex could reduce human prostitution and the problems that come with it. However, "in a marriage or other relationship, one partner could be jealous or consider it infidelity if the other used a robot," Levy said. "But who knows, maybe some other relationships could welcome a robot. Instead of a woman saying, 'Darling, not tonight, I have a headache,' you could get 'Darling, I have a headache, why not use your robot?' "

Arkin noted that "if we allow robots to become a part of everyday life and bond with them, we'll have to ask questions about what's going to happen to our social fabric. How will they change humanity and civilization? I don't have any answers, but I think it's something we need to study. There's a real potential for intimacy here, where humans become psychologically and emotionally attached to these devices in ways we wouldn't to a vibrator."

Levy is currently writing a paper on the ethical treatment of robots. When it comes to sex and love with robots, "the ethical issues on how to treat them are something we'll have to consider very seriously, and they're very complicated issues," Levy said.

4:43 PM - 5 Comments - 7 Kudos - Add Comment

Call 1-800- Bull-Shit …………………..
Current mood: indescribable
Category: Blogging

Have you ever seen those late night commercials advertising some magical number you can call to talk to hot lonely models in your area?  Really, hot chicks are dying to talk to me?  Why is my bullshit alarm screaming right now?  First off, hot models don't want to talk to me at the bar, why would they want to talk to me over the phone?  And if they love talking on the phone so much, why do they keep giving me fake numbers?  Why do women do that, why can't they just tell me to fuck off and die.  No!  Instead they want to give me some crap number that they always give out.  So I end up calling some poor guy who has to break the bad news to me, "Nope wrong number douche bag!"   But this must be a magic number with magic super models who love talking to total strangers for $1.99 a minute.  Yeah $1.99, what kind of bang can you get for your two bucks?  Have you ever tried to talk to a super model?  Here's how the phone conversation would probably go.

Me: So, ummm, so you're like a super model or something?

Supermodel: ah, what?

Me: You're a supermodel right?  You model for a living?

Supermodel:  Yeah…….

Me:  Cool. That's got to be a sweet job.

Supermodel:  What….. Could you hold one second I have another call coming in…..

Me:  What I'm paying…..

Clicks over (3 minutes go by and I'm still on hold) Clicks back

Supermodel:  Ah, hello?

Me:  Yeah, hey it's me?  What's up?

Supermodel:  Nothing……

Me:  Cool, so what do you do when you're not……

Supermodel:  Can you get some coke?

Me:  Ah…….. Coke….I really don't do that but……

Supermodel: That sucks…. Oh my god is that Criss Angel over there….

Me: Over where?

Supermodel:  I'll be right back…..

Me:  You're leaving me but I'm paying 1.99...

Clicks over (ten minutes passes) Clicks back

Supermodel: I can't believe I totally just blew Wilmer Valderrama in V.I.P room!

Me:  What…..you just blew the guy from YO Mamma on MTV?

Supermodel:  Ah… who is this?

Me:  I'm the guy you just put on hold?

Me:   Who's Sarah?

Supermodel:  I have to find my friend Sarah.

Me:  She's probably in the bathroom getting gang banged by Big and Rob.

Supermodel:  You're an asshole! 

Me:  I have coke!

Supermodel:  Really?

Me: No but………

Supermodel:  Fuck off

Hang up

And all is right in the universe!  I've learned a couple things in my life and one of them is anyone worth talking to usually doesn't answer their phone. 

10:56 AM - 5 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Interview with Punchline Magazine
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

Wild World of Spike star Sam Tripoli is a comedian who's not afraid to take risks— literally. When he's not cracking jokes as a headlining comic, he's more than happy to drive through brick walls.

By Noah Gardenswartz

Stand-up comedian Sam Tripoli is living the dream. As if it weren't enough to make a living getting drunk and telling jokes, he even gets to co-host his own TV show, Wild World of Spike, on SpikeTV. Fresh off the release of his newest comedy album Crimefighter, Punchline Magazine caught up with Tripoli to discuss his life, his career and why he's a hooker magnet.

How long have you been doing comedy?

For 12 years now. I went to college at UNLV and was part of an improv troupe that used to perform at casinos around town. That eventually opened doors for me to host an open-mic room, but at first nobody would come. It got so bad that I had to start hiring a live band to come play just so they could be the crowd afterwards.

Vegas isn't a bad place to start your career though. Did constantly being in that type of atmosphere ultimately make you a better performer?

Oh, no doubt. But keep in mind, this was back in the time when Vegas was still trying to appeal to families as a vacation spot. It was like Disneyland with hookers.

So how long did you stay in Vegas, and why did you decide to eventually move to LA?

I was performing in Vegas for five years and after a while I just wanted something new. Don't get me wrong though, I love Vegas. Those are my type of people. But if you're going to make it in stand-up, especially if you're trying to get into other things like television or movies, then Hollywood is just a better place to be.

Was the transition difficult for you, moving from Vegas to Hollywood?

Actually it wasn't that bad because I moved into a really shitty apartment in a crazy area, so it felt familiar. There were actually four transvestite hookers that lived right down the street.

You seem to go where the hookers are.

I know bro… or maybe they go where I go. I'm like the Hooker Whisperer or something.

So you moved to LA, started working the circuit and got to know some people. But thousands of aspiring comics do that, so what separated you from the rest, and in the end, how did you get to pitch Wild World of Spike?

That's a really weird story. I actually didn't pitch the show at all. I guess the producers at SpikeTV already had this idea for a show and wanted one of the hosts to be a comedian. So they were at the Laugh Factory one night looking for talent when my buddy Steven Byrd was performing. After his set they asked him to audition for the show and they told him that if there was another comedian he worked really well with he could bring them too.

So he brought me, and I got in there and didn't know what the fuck to do. I started smacking Steve and dry humping the wall and shit, and all the dudes in the room were just looking at me like I was a complete retard. On the way home I felt so bad and I was apologizing to Steven for ruining the audition. But oddly enough, a few weeks later they called and offered me the job.

So you host the show, but you're basically a stunt man too, because you and the other hosts have to find these crazy sports from obscure parts of the world and then attempt them, right?

Yea, and it's funny because my co-hosts are Jason Ellis, who's a legendary skateboarder, and Kit Cope, a martial-arts champion. You have an X-Gamer, and an ultimate fighter, and me. It's like two superheroes and a Special Olympian.

What's the worst stunt you've had to do on the show?

One time we had to make a sandwich while getting shot by paintball guns without a shirt on. I got shot 29 times. Another show I drove a bike through a brick wall. That obviously hurt real bad.

Is the pain worth it? Has the show helped your comedy career?

Yea man, the show has helped a lot. Now I'm headlining all over the place and doing all of the things I couldn't do before. I've been working for 12 years but I'm actually glad it took me this long to get my shot because now I know from experience what to do with all of these great opportunities, versus if I got my chance too early.

When the show's not in season how often do you travel and perform?

I get on the road about once a month, but I really like to gig in LA.

What are some of your favorite clubs to work?

I like the Comedy Store in LA and the Improv in Hollywood. I also really like the Punchline up in San Francisco because it's such a smart crowd and it's fun to do political jokes up there. Outside of California my favorite club is probably Riddles in Chicago because it's just a crazy blue-collar crowd— my type of people.

I thought Vegas had your type of people.

I have all kinds of types of people. That's why I'm so excited to be on the Vivid comedy tour starting in July. Porn people are definitely my type of people— me and porn people are like George Lopez and Mexicans.

Is there any crowd you can't perform in front of?

Not really. Younger crowds are difficult because there's a lot of my act that I can't do, but they LOVE fart jokes.

Well clearly your career is going well, between being a headliner and having a TV show. So what's next?

Man, I just want to bring the party back to stand-up comedy like Sam Kinison used to do— just fucking party and have fun.

Party on, Tripoli… party on.

For more information, check out www.samtripoli.com.

6:17 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Playboy, Heaven, Necrophilia, and Trolling for hot Moms on Myspace!
Current mood: accomplished
Category: Blogging

1:33 AM - 25 Comments - 22 Kudos - Add Comment

Come on Imus get your head out of your ass!!!
Current mood: crazy
Category: Blogging

1:25 AM - 32 Comments - 24 Kudos - Add Comment