Voting, Democracy, and Barack
Current mood: confident
A preface: It shocked me. There I was, with a couple friends and a couple friends of friends at a bar after a wedding. The folks I was talking to were very intelligent, very Christian, very right-wing folks. They're great people and there's nothing wrong with that.
...until the Super Tuesday results came up and I mentioned that I voted for Barack. At which point, this girl, whom I had always thought was very cute, very intelligent, very funny, and very well-read, told me Barack gave her the heebeejeebies and that she legitimately felt if he got into office, it would be a national security threat since he's got ties to Islamic fundamentalists.
Straight-faced she told me this. Straight-faced.
I hadn't realized that kind of misinformation had been spread among the intelligentsia, but apparently it has. So now I'm trying to do everything I can to dispel the rumors, at least in my small circle of friends. By all means, disagree with the man. I love him, and I want him as my president, but you don't have to. That's the democracy of the whole thing. But if you don't vote for him, have it be because you know the truth about him and his positions and disagree.
Which is why sometimes I think I'm against the "get out and vote at all costs" mentality. Sometimes, I think only the people who have made a concerted effort to stay informed should vote. Like there should be some sort of pop-quiz at the polling plaza before you get to vote. Show them your ID, your registration form, and your ability to point at Iraq on a map. Elitist? Perhaps. Undemocratic? One could ostensibly argue. But I only take this position because I've actively gone out of my way to research the positions of all the major candidates and using that to inform my decision. Not identify my decision, but inform it.
That said, I'd hope most of my friends were well-educated and well-informed enough to realize that Barack Hussein Obama is as American as apple pie and (not that it should matter) as devout and long-standing a Christian as most folks around (having been a member of Trinity Church of Christ for 20+ years), but the following is a libelous letter that's being circulated. I hope for everyone's sake that before taking this or anything else as fact (about ANYONE), we do a little background research to vet the source before taking any written commentary to heart.
If you'd like, read "Dreams of My Father," an autobiography Barack published 13 years ago, 2 years before he even CONSIDERED running for political office. He documents his entire life, including his (minimal) relationship with his father and his (devout) adoption of Christianity in 1986, with no history of any religious or atheistic beliefs prior.
***AGAIN, MOST OF THESE CLAIMS ARE LIES. IF YOU'D LIKE THE TRUTH, PLEASE CHECK THIS LINK. I'VE ALSO INCORPORATED THESE COMMENTS IN THE BODY OF THE LETTER***
Body: Who is Barack Obama?
- CLAIM -- U. S. presidential candidate, Barack Hussein Obama was born in Honolulu, Hawaii, to Barack Hussein Obama, Sr., a black MUSLIM from Nyangoma-Kogel, Kenya and Ann Dunham, a white Atheist from Wichita, Kansas.
***FROM SNOPES: Barack Hussein Obama (Senator Obama's father) was born on the shores of Lake Victoria in Alego, Kenya. He met and married an American woman, Ann Dunham of Wichita, Kansas, while they were both attending the University of Hawaii. Their son, also named Barack Hussein Obama was born on 4 August 1961 at the Queen's Medical Center in Honolulu, Hawaii.
Although the elder Obama was raised as a Muslim, no evidence supports the claim that he was ever a "radical Muslim," and Senator Obama's family histories note that his father was an atheist or agnostic (i.e., no longer a practicing Muslim) by the time he married the younger Obama's mother. Of his mother's religious views, Senator Obama wrote:
"For my mother, organized religion too often dressed up closed-mindedness in the garb of piety, cruelty and oppression in the cloak of righteousness.
This isn't to say that she provided me with no religious instruction. In her mind, a working knowledge of the world's great religions was a necessary part of any well-rounded education. In our household the Bible, the Koran, and the Bhagavad Gita sat on the shelf alongside books of Greek and Norse and African mythology. On Easter or Christmas Day my mother might drag me to church, just as she dragged me to the Buddhist temple, the chinese New Year celebration, the Shinto shrine, and ancient Hawaiian burial sites. But I was made to understand that such religious samplings required no sustained commitment on my part. Religion was an expression of human culture, she would explain, not its wellspring, just one of the many ways — and not necessarily the best way — that man attempted to control the unknowable and understand the deeper truths about our lives.
In sum, my mother viewed religion through the eyes of the anthropologist she would become; it was a phenomenon to be treated with a suitable respect, but with a suitable detachment as well."***
- CLAIM -- Obama's parents met at the University of Hawaii. When Obama was two years old, his parents divorced. His father returned to Kenya. His mother then married Lolo Soetoro, a RADICAL Muslim from Indonesia. When Obama was 6 years old, the family relocated to Indonesia. Obama attended a MUSLIM school in Jakarta. He also spent two years in a Catholic school.
***FROM SNOPES: Barack Obama's parents divorced when he was two years old, his father moving to Connecticut to continue his education before returning to Kenya. When the younger Obama was six years old, his mother married again, this time to Lolo Soetoro, an Indonesian oil manager. Barack and his mother moved to Jakarta, Indonesia, where Obama spent 4-5 years attending both Muslim and Catholic schools before his mother sent him back to the United States to live with his maternal grandmother. The school Barack Obama attended in Indonesia was "Muslim" primarily in the sense that the preponderance of its student body was Muslim (because Indonesia is a predominantly Muslim country), but both the Muslim and Catholic schools he attended in Indonesia offered a few hours of religious instruction each week.
In his 2006 book, The Audacity of Hope, Obama elaborated on his early schooling, explaining that he attended both Catholic and Muslim schools in Indonesia — not out of any particular religious affiliation, but because his mother wanted him to obtain the best education possible under the circumstances:
"During the five years that we would live with my stepfather in Indonesia, I was sent first to a neighborhood Catholic school and then to a predominantly Muslim school; in both cases, my mother was less concerned with me learning the catechism or puzzling out the meaning of the muezzin's call to evening prayer than she was with whether I was properly learning my multiplication tables."***
- CLAIM -- Obama takes great care to conceal the fact that he is a Muslim. He is quick to point out that, 'He was once a Muslim, but that he also attended Catholic school.'
Obama's political handlers are attempting to make it appear that that he is not a radical.
***FROM SNOPES: Barack Obama never stated that he "was once a Muslim" (radical or otherwise), so his "handlers" have nothing to "conceal." Obama communications director Robert Gibbs noted that "Senator Obama has never been a Muslim. As a six-year-old in Catholic school, he studied the catechism." Barack Obama has been associated with the United Church of Christ since the mid-1980s, describes himself as a Christian, and says that he is "rooted in the Christian tradition." ***
- CLAIM -- Obama's introduction to Islam came via his father, and that this influence was temporary at best. In reality, the senior Obama returned to Kenya soon after the divorce, and never again had any direct influence over his son's education.
***FROM SNOPES: As noted above, Barack Obama's parents divorced when he was only two years old, and his father then moved thousands of miles away, from Hawaii to Connecticut, so he couldn't have received much of an "introduction to Islam" from his (biological) father:
"My father was almost entirely absent from my childhood, having been divorced from my mother when I was two years old.
At the time of his death, my father remained a myth to me, both more and less than a man. He had left Hawaii back in 1963, when I was only two years old, so that as a child I knew him only through the stories that my mother and grandparents told. (Barack's only other childhood contact with his father occurred when he was eleven years old, and his father came to visit Hawaii for a month at Christmastime. The elder Obama died when Barack Jr. was twenty-one years old.)"***
- CLAIM -- Lolo Soetoro, the second husband of Obama's mother, Ann Dunham, introduced his stepson to Islam. Obama was enrolled in a Wahabi school in Jakarta.Wahabism is the RADICAL ISLAMIC teaching that is followed by the Muslim terrorists who are now waging Jihad against the western world.
***FROM SNOPES: The claim that Obama attended a radical Wahabbist school in Indonesia in the mid-1960s is exceedingly far-fetched, given that:
- The large Indonesian community resident in Mecca was a medium through which knowledge about Wahhabism reached Indonesia, but the community itself appears to have remained virtually immune to Wahhabi influences. In reality there was little direct influence of Wahhabism on Indonesian reformist thought until the 1970s.
- Insight magazine claimed in a January 2007 article that Barack Obama spent at least four years attending what is variously described as a "madrassa," a "radical Muslim religious school," or a "Muslim seminary" in Indonesia, but CNN has more recently reported that its own investigation found those claims to be false:
"[R]eporting by CNN in Jakarta, Indonesia and Washington, D.C., shows the allegations that Obama attended a madrassa to be false. CNN dispatched Senior International Correspondent John Vause to Jakarta to investigate.
He visited the Basuki school, which Obama attended from 1969 to 1971.
"This is a public school. We don't focus on religion," Hardi Priyono, deputy headmaster of the Basuki school, told Vause. "In our daily lives, we try to respect religion, but we don't give preferential treatment."
Vause reported he saw boys and girls dressed in neat school uniforms playing outside the school, while teachers were dressed in Western-style clothes.
"I came here to Barack Obama's elementary school in Jakarta looking for what some are calling an Islamic madrassa ... like the ones that teach hate and violence in Pakistan and Afghanistan," Vause said on the 'Situation Room.' "I've been to those madrassas in Pakistan ... this school is nothing like that."
Vause also interviewed one of Obama's Basuki classmates, Bandug Winadijanto, who claims that not a lot has changed at the school since the two men were pupils. Insight reported that Obama's political opponents believed the school promoted Wahhabism, a fundamentalist form of Islam, "and are seeking to prove it."
"It's not (an) Islamic school. It's general," Winadijanto said. "There is a lot of Christians, Buddhists, also Confucian. ... So that's a mixed school."
The Associated Press reported similarly:
A spokesman for Indonesia's Ministry of Religious Affairs said claims that Obama studied at an Islamic school are groundless.
"SDN Menteng 1 is a public primary school that is open to people of all faiths," said the spokesman, Sutopo, who goes by only one name. "Moreover, he studied earlier at Fransiskus Assisi, which is clearly a Catholic school."
Obama later transferred to SDN Menteng 1 the elite, secular elementary school at the center of the controversy. The school is public but is very competitive and has exceptionally high standards. It is located in one of the most affluent parts of Jakarta and attracts mostly middle- to upper-class students, among them several of former dictator Suharto's grandchildren.
Indonesia is home to several of the most radical Islamic schools in Southeast Asia, some with alleged terrorist links. But Akmad Solichin [the vice principal at SDN Menteng 1], who proudly pointed to a photo of a young Barry Obama, as he was known, said his school is not one of them.
Moreover, a statement released by the Obama campaign affirmed that:
"In the past week, many of you have read a now thoroughly-debunked story by Insight Magazine, owned by the Washington Times, which cites unnamed sources close to a political campaign that claim Senator Obama was enrolled for "at least four years" in an Indonesian "Madrassa". The article says the "sources" believe the Madrassa was "espousing Wahhabism," a form of radical Islam.
All of the claims about Senator Obama's faith and education raised in the Insight Magazine story and repeated on Fox News are false. Senator Obama was raised in a secular household in Indonesia by his stepfather and mother. Obama's stepfather worked for a U.S. oil company, and sent his stepson to two years of Catholic school, as well as two years of public school.
To be clear, Senator Obama has never been a Muslim, was not raised a Muslim, and is a committed Christian who attends the United Church of Christ in Chicago. Furthermore, the Indonesian school Obama attended in Jakarta is a public school that is not and never has been a Madrassa."***
- CLAIM -- Since it is politically expedient to be a CHRISTIAN when seeking major public office in the United States, Barack Hussein Obama has joined the United Church of Christ in an attempt to downplay his Muslim background.
*** FROM SNOPES: As noted above, Barack Obama describes himself as "a Christian," says that he is "rooted in the Christian tradition," and his association with the United Church of Christ began over twenty years ago, long before he contemplated a political career. (Obama was first elected to the Illinois state senate in 1996, but he has been involved with the United Church of Christ since the mid-1980s.)
The beginnings of Obama's relationship with the church were described in an April 2004 Chicago Sun-Times article:
"Obama is unapologetic in saying he has a "personal relationship with Jesus Christ." As a sign of that relationship, he says, he walked down the aisle of Chicago's Trinity United Church of Christ in response to the Rev. Jeremiah Wright's altar call one Sunday morning about 16 years ago.
The politician could have ended his spiritual tale right there, at the point some people might assume his life changed, when he got "saved," transformed, washed in the blood. But Obama wants to clarify what truly happened.
"It wasn't an epiphany," he says of that public profession of faith. "It was much more of a gradual process for me. I know there are some people who fall out. Which is wonderful. God bless them ... I think it was just a moment to certify or publicly affirm a growing faith in me."
These days, he says, he attends the 11 a.m. Sunday service at Trinity in the Brainerd neighborhood every week — or at least as many weeks as he is able. His pastor, Wright, has become a close confidant.
So how did he become a churchgoer?
It began in 1985, when he came to Chicago as a $13,000-a-year community organizer, working with a number of African-American churches in the Roseland, West Pullman and Altgeld Gardens neighborhoods that were trying to deal with the devastation caused by shuttered steel plants.
"I started working with both the ministers and the lay people in these churches on issues like creating job-training programs, or after-school programs for youth, or making sure that city services were fairly allocated to underserved communities," he says. "And it was in those places where I think what had been more of an intellectual view of religion deepened.
"I became much more familiar with the ongoing tradition of the historic black church and its importance in the community. And the power of that culture to give people strength in very difficult circumstances, and the power of that church to give people courage against great odds. And it moved me deeply."***
- CLAIM -- ALSO, keep in mind that when he was sworn into office he DID NOT use the Holy Bible, but instead the Koran.
***FROM SNOPES: This statement is completely false. It is a mistaken reference to a different politician, Minnesota congressman Keith Ellison, not Barack Obama.***
- CLAIM -- Barack Hussein Obama will NOT recite the Pledge of Allegiance nor will he show any reverence for our flag. While others place their hands over their hearts, Obama turns his back to the flag and slouches.
***FROM SNOPES: Senator Obama drew some criticism over a photograph that showed him standing without his hand over his heart during the playing of the U.S. national anthem, but the claim that he "will NOT recite the Pledge of Allegiance" is false.
During the Democratic candidates' debate on 15 January 2008, Senator Obama directly refuted the three primary rumors about him that are circulating via e-mail: that he is a Muslim, that he was sworn in to Congress on the Quran, and that he refuses to say the Pledge of Allegiance:
- CLAIM -- Let us all remain alert concerning Obama's expected presidential candidacy.
The Muslims have said they plan on destroying the US from the inside out, what better way to start than at the highest level - through the President of the United States, one of their own!!!!
***FROM SAV: I sincerely hope after the fact-by-fact rebuttal above, you don't believe this. If you do, I pray for you. Not in a holier-than-thou way, but sincerely.
Also, there was a line here asking you to forward this to 'everyone you know!!', and posing the question, "Would you want this man leading our country?!!!!"
However, In the vain hope that I might make a small dent in the death of ignorance, I have deleted that line, and ask you to you to stop this malicious chain of propaganda. Evaluate the man (or woman) on his merits, not on a foundation of libelous fear-mongering.***
Performance Value
Current mood: confused
Category: Music
Ok. So I'm a little behind on this. But today, given a rather portentous series of events, I came to the conclusion that this week's blog ought to broach the subject of performance value.
And by performance value, I mean the je ne sais quoi brought by individual entertainers, musicians, comics, athletes, and artists to their work.
In film or TV it's called "chemistry" (when paired) or "magnetism." In music or theater it's called "stage presence." In politics it's called "charisma." In athletics it's called "entertainment value."
In all cases, it's also called "IT."
Let's recap some of these events. That led to this blog. In no particular order: - The "Britney at the VMAs" fiasco - The brilliance of Justin Timberlake and Kanye West at the VMAs - The brilliance of Justin Timberlake and Kanye West at Staples Center last night - A BBQ/concert this weekend with performances by Jon, Gary Busey Community College and Ghosts of Searchlight - My brief cameo playing guitar with the tremendously talented Paul Lemire
What I've surmised is that "it" is really pure, unadulterated desire. A pure unadulterated desire to some other power. Latent, perhaps. Downright submerged in others. But it's there. It's always there. In those who have it, they can't ever hide it.
What do I mean by desire? I mean that the artists and entertainers who have performance value are the ones who, aside from all the excuses they may make, have an innate NEED to do what they're doing. My roommate once mentioned the concept of "soul" and how it's easy to recognize soul in singers, but it's harder to recognize soul in janitors or construction workers.
I think it's more difficult if only because the medium doesn't afford "soul" much visibility. But I don't think it's any less prevalent. "Soul" in all cases is an immediate connectedness with the task at hand, and a desire to express that connectedness, and all ambient emotion, with the task.
Getting back to "it," the people who have "it" all have the same desire to please. We've all been to concerts or seen performances where the talent is obvious, but the performance is lackluster. My concept of "it" is that "it" applies to people who can't, no matter how hard they try, cop out of the moment. They might be thinking about the pizza and Fat Tire waiting for them backstage, but there's still a part of them, a very determined part, that is holding on to the performance and the moment. That hesitance is lost, the confidence has taken hold, and the moment is grasped.
Another interesting concept.is the drive behind this desire, this nebulous concept of "it."
Consider: - Jimi was connected to his music because the music provided him a greater "high" than any of the other artificial substances he could succumb to (see Jim Morrison) - Jeff Buckley was connected to his music because the release was the only salve for his bitterly tortured soul (see Janis Joplin, Tom Waits, Neil Young) - James Brown was connected to his music because it was the only way he could reach the sheer orgasmic pleasure of performance (see Prince, Axl Rose) - Sam Cooke was connected to his music because it was the only way he could find his religion (see Marvin Gaye, Al Green) - Britney was connected to her music because it was the only thing she was good at (and no pot shots here, please. She was a very talented entertainer for some time, no argument allowed.) - John Mayer is connected to his music because it's the only venue with which he can please everyone (see Chris Martin of Coldplay) - Kanye is connected to his music because he's ridiculously insecure and overcompensating (and doing it marvelously, by the way. The new CD is killer).
But this all leads to one thing.
Justin.
Man. Last night I saw something. I saw Justin. Justin dancing. Justin singing. Justin playing guitar. Justin playing piano. Justin riling up the crowd.
The show was fantastic, that's beside the point. But what I also saw last night was that Justin was hurting. It was subtle, but it was there. Not hurting in pain or in emotion. But hurting under the full toll of what he's accepted. He's not only accepted the mantle of Michael Jackson and the Atlasian burden of holding up Pop and R&B simultaneously (which really is all small beans compared to the real thing), but Justin has this grudge. I don't know what it is. Where it's from. Anything about it.
I just know it's as if when the boy is on stage, it's almost as if he's trying to wrong all the rights in the world (in his own way... his successes or failures notwithstanding). The sheer audacity of effort and will he puts into his show (rehearsed down to the T, you've found your '00s version of the JB's, ladies and gentlemen. The hardest working man in show business), his sheer desire to please, not just the audience, not just himself, but some higher power. Thanking Prometheus for bringing fire. Skating on the edge of the stage as if to avoid the sword of Damocles over his head. Throwing caution to the wind, and his body not far behind.
The man performed. He had it. I've seen many of them. Buddy. B.B. Prince. Clapton. Beck. The Roots.
Lots of them.
But Justin... man. That boy is on a mission. To what? To where? I don't know. To it? -Sav
Currently
listening
:
FutureSex / LoveSounds
By
Justin Timberlake
Release date: 12 September, 2006
Would you shoot an innocent man from your computer desk?
Current mood: hopeful
Now that war is moving into the virtual environment, very soon, soldiers might be fighting battles and killing enemies from the comfort of their own homes, or close to it.
Which brings me to the story of Wafaa Bilal, an Iraqi professor at the Art Institute of Chicago who, 24 hours a day for 30 days, is living in an open room of a gallery with a camera watching his every move.
The only catch is, the camera is attached to a high-velocity paintball gun, and the direction of the camera/gun is controlled by visitors to his website, as is a button that allows them to fire a paintball at him. At any point, 24 hours a day, any anonymous web visitor can shoot at Bilal with no repercussions.
I like video games and movies as much as the next guy, but if our weaponry reaches the point of utter desensitivity in inflicting harm on another human being, all behind the guise of anonymity and virtual invisibility...
This is why I HAVE to believe that people are good. They may be misguided at times, but they are good. Take for example the U.S. Marine, Matt, who gave Bilal a new desk lamp after his only remaining lamp was destroyed by repeated shootings from an anonymous visitor.
Watch the Day 11 youtube video diary and tell me you aren't moved.
-Sav
Currently
listening
:
Voodoo
By
D'Angelo
Release date: 25 January, 2000
Many of you know I've been on a self improvement kick for a couple years, trying to make myself a better person and whatnots. These two little bits should tell you something about what I'm aspiring to.
"The true gentleman is the man whose conduct proceeds from good will and an acute sense of propriety, and whose self-control is equal to all emergencies; who does not make the poor man conscious of his poverty, the obscure man of his obscurity, or any man of his inferiority or deformity; who is himself humbled if necessity compels him to humble another; who does not flatter wealth, cringe before power, or boast of his own possessions or achievements; who speaks with frankness but always with sincerity and sympathy; whose deed follows his word; who thinks of the rights and feelings of others, rather than his own; and who appears well in any company, a man with whom honor is sacred and virtue safe." - John Walter Wayland
I'll be honest. I only kind of like 24. It's one of those shows I watch every week only partially because I'm interested in it, but more because I feel obligated to, in order to have discussions about how much it rocks, or how great I think it is. Kind of like the Sopranos. Both are great shows, mind you, but every Monday, before I sit down, I have to convince myself to watch the show. I really do.
Ok. That said, with no hyperbole or equivocation, Jack Bauer is the single greatest fictional character to grace the small, silver, or printed screen.
I idolize him. I want to be him. I forgive lapses in story logic, just because Jack's involved, and dammit, if Jack's involved, everything makes sense. He got stabbed in the back an hour ago, and now a rear shot reveals no wound? Well he's frickin Jack "Power Hour" Bauer. He can heal himself.
And like all my idols (Neil Diamond, Pete Sampras, John Mayer, Sam Cooke, Jimi Hendrix), I want to figure out how to become him. Not in a stalker-ish way, but to get an understanding of what makes Jack Bauer Jack Bauer. I've therefore spent most of the past week concocting a list.
So, with no further ado, I present the fruit of my toils. 11 Steps to Jack Bauer.
1) DEVELOP A URINE-INDUCING GLOWER - Practice in front of a mirror wearing Depends undergarments for practice. Feel free to practice on dogs, children, and the elderly first to gain confidence.
2) ENGAGE IN A HIGH-PERFORMANCE FITNESS REGIMEN, UTILIZING ONLY YOUR OWN BODY WEIGHT, MENTAL STAMINA, AND LEVITATING ABILITY - You need to be able to work out your rock solid guns anywhere and anyhow. If you're strapped to a rickety wooden chair, with a sword of Damocles dangling over your head, what better time to practice calf-raises and high-tensile wrist flexion?
3) DISAVOW AND/OR ELIMINATE ALL KITH, KIN, AND CANINES (AND OTHER PETS) - Sure. Fluffy seems harmless now. But wait until radical East-Asian terrorists torture him for information. Kim Jong-Il can make even a cat spare no detail.
4) CONQUER PAIN - Self-explanatory.
5) a) PLACE ALL WORLDLY POSSESSIONS IN A LARGE PILE b) IGNITE c) INHALE SMOKE TO FACILITATE VOCAL ENHANCEMENT
6) DEVELOP A TOLERANCE FOR ALL KNOWN TOXINS - Start with household consumer products with Poison Control phone numbers on them. Best to start under your sink and/or in your cleaning closet.
7) BATHE IN POTASH AND LEATHER TANNING PRODUCTS - Weathered skin requires dedication and burning.
8) CHEW GLASS
9) a) CONCOCT A MYTHICAL REPUTATION BASED ON LEGENDARY STORIES OF SUPERHUMAN FEATS AND UNMATCHED GALLANTRY b) MAKE THEM A REALITY
10) DEVELOP THE ABILITY TO PERSUADE PEOPLE TO PERFORM COMPLETELY UNSUBSTANTIATED ACTS OF DANGER, PERIL, OR MAYHEM IN ORDER TO SERVE THE GREATER GOOD OF THE UNIVERSE - Always start with "This is Jack Bauer. Listen. I can't explain right now, but this is a matter of NATIONAL SECURITY. I NEED YOU TO TRUST ME ON THIS!..."
11) YOU DON'T REALLY THINK I CAN TELL YOU STEP 11, DO YOU? NOT UNTIL YOU'VE PROVEN YOURSELF, YOU PANSY. GO PLAY WITH YOUR OIL-OF-OLAY SKIN LOTION AND OVERSIZED PASTEL LOAFERS AND COME BACK WHEN YOU'RE A REAL MAN.
Currently
listening
:
Some Girls
By
The Rolling Stones
Release date: 26 July, 1994
The following words really should have more of an everyday/user-friendly definition, based solely on how fun they are to say. Is there a board of English diction? Because if there is, they really should convene on these delicious words. Also, can I join?:
1) Your voicemail message doesn't start with "Hi" or "[insert your name here]" followed by a long extended pause in which I make a fool of myself by initiating conversation, not realizing that it's not you on the other end, but in face a pre-recorded sequence?
Sample Conversation: Your phone: "Hi. This is [insert your name here]..." Me: "Hey! How's it go..." Your phone: "...I'm not here right now, but please leave a message after the beep." Me: "Futtbucker!"
2) The sample plate at the cafe or the restaurant of the menu du jour looks even halfway like what you really get on your crusted-ass plate?
3) You don't throw away the extra ketchup packets and napkins you specifically asked for and didn't use, and instead place them in some sort of pre-designed receptacle for condiments and the like?
I usually hate blogs that don't blog. That are just survey's. But I tried the first song, and it was just too funny:
Put your music player on shuffle. Press forward for each question. Use the song title as the answer to the question. Terrifyingly true answers and scary... and ridiculous!
How do my friends see me?: "Brown Eyed Girl" - Van Morrison (teehee! wait...)
Where will i get married?: "This Boy" - Franz Ferdinand
What is my best friend's theme song?: "One Day" - Eric Clapton (really?)
What is the story of my life?: "Covered In Rain" - John Mayer (I wish. I love rain.)
What is college like?: Soon Forgotten - Muddy Waters (hahaha.)
How can i get ahead in life?: "I Get a Kick Out of You" - Charlie Parker
What is the best thing about me?: "Us and Them" - Pink Floyd
How is today going to be?: "Nobody's Fault" - Phantom Planet (yikes)
What is in store for this weekend? "Third Degree" - Eric Clapton again (again, yikes)
What song describes my parents?: "Ocean Breathes Salty" - Modest Mouse (what? I don't get this song when it refers to the ocean, let alone my parents)
My grandparents?: "Obstacle 2" - Interpol (que?)
How is my life going? "Driving South" - The Jimi Hendrix Experience (yikes again)
What song will they play at my funeral?: "Murder" - Coldplay (OMG this totally came up! i'm kinda scared now. this survey isn't boding well for me)
How does the world see me?: "Sing For the Moment" - Eminem (wow. nice.)
Will I have a happy life? "Monologue - Cafe Days" - Jeff Buckley
What do my friends really think of me?: "I Got Some Help I Don't Need" - B.B. King (really? fine, i'll stop offering).
Do people secretly lust after me?: "Misty Mountain Hop" - Led Zeppelin (thanks shuffle. for being so non-committal. seriously though, how are songs supposed to answer yes/no questions?)
How can I make myself happy?: "'Round Midnight" - Joe Pass (Hm... doing what?)
What should I do with my life?: "Cocaine" - Eric Clapton (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Man, The Clapp does it again, for the 3rd time).
Will I ever have children?: "Trouble" - Coldplay (yikes.)
What is some good advice?: "Shake" - Sam Cooke (hahaha)
What is my signature dancing song?: "Boogie Woogie Blues" - Roy Brown (not bad)
What do I think my current theme song is?: "Waited All My Life" - Raul Midon (probably right.)
What does everyone else think my current theme song is? "When I'm Sixty-Four" - The Beatles (what?)
wow, life don't look too good for me, do it. ;)
Currently
listening
:
Voodoo
By
D'Angelo
Release date: 25 January, 2000
1) Why is the paper towel dispenser in the bathroom automatic, but the door isn't? People don't use paper towels without washing their hands. But they damn sure use the door.
2) Really, what's the difference between a sunroof and a moonroof?
3) When they have two light switches for the same light, can we figure out a way that if you flip one switch, the other flips too? Because in this country, up is on, down is off. Always.
4) Did you know there are people on this planet who CHOOSE not to eat food that's readily available, cooked, paid for, and on their plate?
5) Do the titles "St. Pauli Girl" and "Dr Pepper" for two different beverages throw anyone off? It's not "St. Pauli Girl's" beer or "Dr. Pepper's" soda.
6) Is Norms the name of the diner? Did a bunch of Norms come together and name the diner after their collective group? Or should it be Norm's diner?
Added 9 May 2006:
7) I'm not clowning on it, because goodness knows I love it, but was Mac & Cheese hard enough to make to warrant "EZ Mac?" EZ-Chicken Cacciatore with a side of braised asparagus and some garlic spinach risotto, I can understand. But EZ Mac?
More to come...
Currently
listening
:
Z
By
My Morning Jacket
Release date: 04 October, 2005
Top 5 Suggestions To Ticketmaster For Use As Security Codes...
Current mood: chipper
My first submission to McSweeneys.net:
Top 5 Suggestions To Ticketmaster For Use As Security Codes Written In Awkward Fonts, With Various Palette-Blending Color Schemes, With No Sense Of Linearity, Spacing, Or Evenness of Type, Hidden Behind Various Grids Which Will Need To Be Typed In Order To Buy Tickets For Pink's Still Missundaztood! Tour.
confident
confused
hopeful
contemplative
busy
