There's a quiet calm on this early afternoon. No one home except me...and the cats. Until some mysterious force rushes through the room that floats right over my head and is only felt by the cats. And suddenly it starts...the standoff.
Tension fills the air as two big cats face off. Ears back, tails twitching, whiskers pointed forward, and angry eyes locked. I don't dare intervene! In the left corner we have Jaspur, a 3-year-old tiger weighing in at about 12 pounds and sporting a bright red collar. In the right corner is Gilbert, a 13-year-old black Burmese weighing in at about 14 pounds. Place your bets now, because the game is on!
Neither cat moves a muscle except for the occasional twitching of their long tails. No sounds except for a random throaty growl. The tension in the air is so thick it feels like a weight. And then Jaspur makes the first move! But much to my surprise, instead of lunging forward he takes a step back. Gilbert answers with two steps forward. Again, one step back followed by two steps forward. And a third time...amazing! The champion is clear even before Jaspur turns and runs followed by Gilbert right on his tail. Then the final pounce, Jaspur's humiliated scream, and it's all over. Gilbert holds onto his title as the top cat in this house.
As suddenly as it started, it's all over. Jaspur lounging on the floor with eyes half closed, and Gilbert preening himself on the bed. The world can start spinning again, and we can all return to what we were doing on this quiet, lazy afternoon.
Currently
listening
:
Classic Queen
By
Queen
Release date: 1992-03-10
The irony of time
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life
As I sat in the dentist's chair today waiting for my crown to set and become a permanent fixture in my mouth I did some contemplating about time. Once the crown was affixed to my tooth I was told to bite down and hold the pose for 7 minutes. Only 7 minutes...but it seemed like an hour before the timer rang. I was imagining all the things I would much rather be doing during that time. It seemed long enough that I could have enjoyed a nice dinner, could have watched half a movie, could have taken a leisurely stroll around the pond outside, but instead I was stuck in the dentist's chair with nothing but a mouthful of cotton and a head full of random thoughts.
Quite the opposite was my lunch date this past Saturday. He picked me up around 11:30 on Saturday. I figured we'd have a nice lunch and I'd be home in a couple hours. In what seemed like a couple hours, the entire afternoon had passed and evening was well under way. I got home from that "lunch" date almost 48 hours later, but we were having such a great time that time seemed to fly by all too fast.
Here we are already into the month of September...there are only 17 more weeks...119 days...left of 2008. And yet it feels like only just yesterday we were trying to remember to write 2008 on all our checks.
It's rather unfair that the time spent sitting in dentist's chair or sitting in rush hour traffic is the time that drags on, but the time spent having fun is here and gone before we even realize it. I know there's nothing we can do to change that; it's just one of the many ironies of life.
So many thanks to my blog reading friends for stopping by. I hope this was one of those moments where the couple minutes you just spent reading felt more like hanging out in the pool rather than sitting in the dentist's chair.
It's been a rather stressful week between my computer at work crashing, my big fall Monday, and the general day-to-day BS. So I decided a movie with a cute but dorky hero was just what I needed this afternoon, and after work I made my way to the theater...alone.
Now going to the movie alone isn't necessarily high up on the top of my "fun things to do" list. It ranks right up there with going to a nice restaurant to eat alone. But being unmarried and otherwise unattached, I either suck it up and go buy my single ticket or I sit at home and wait for a friend to decide to call.
Now don't get me wrong, there are a couple of guys I could have called as I was leaving work who probably would have joined me in the next seat in a heartbeat. But the two that came immediately to mind are both the types that don't want to do anything fun unless there are strings attached. And both of them seem to think I should be at their beck and call to hop in my car and drive on over whenever (or wherever) the mood happens to strike them. These would be my two "cling-ons" as they are referred to in workplace gossip, and neither one can seem to figure out why I don't return their hundred texts a day. To be honest, given those choices sitting alone was much more appealing.
I'll give the girl at the cash register credit for a job well done in the upselling department. No, I didn't want the monster sized drink and popcorn...I WAS there by myself after all. But she didn't let that deter her in the least and managed to tack on a bag of Skittles to my order. The teenaged manager standing behind her watching this whole transaction was quite pleased that she was genius enough to have suckered me "unsuspectingly" into a bag of Skittles.
After making the concession girl's day a little brighter I took my popcorn and Skittles...along with the Diet Coke to cancel out the calories...to my seat (alone) where I promptly opened my bag of Skittles and dumped them into my bag of popcorn. I heard the girls behind me snickering about it but then I heard them dumping something into their popcorn bag, so maybe I taught them something new. If you haven't tried it yet, it really is a yummy treat.
Some days it doesn't take much to put a smile on my face. Today it just took a stupid movie full of puns and predictability and my bag of popcorn/Skittles. And as I sat there thinking about sitting alone I realized that as much fun as it is to have company at the movies, it is nice to be able to mix my Skittles and my popcorn without having to explain myself to anyone else.
Currently
listening
:
30
By
Harry Connick Jr.
Release date: 2001-10-23
A tablespoon of ocean water
Current mood: rejuvenated
Category: Life
A weekend on the beaches of San Diego; what a nice start to a week-long vacation! Other than the sunburn that is...OWWWWW!!!!! This weekend was all about rekindling an old friendship and getting away from all the stresses of life.
We strolled along the shores of several beaches, talked, laughed, reminisced, and reflected on life in general. Between my picking up sand dollars I had fun observing the people around me and the way almost everyone becomes somewhat childlike when they are in an environment that promotes total relaxation. Brothers and sisters played like they actually liked each other, fathers took time out of busy schedules to play with their kids, adults played in the sand building sand castles or just throwing sand in the air to watch it fall.
I also saw some pretty interesting things wash up on the beach while we were walking along. Saw the one sandal wash up that left someone with only one protected foot. Saw plastic shovels and other digging toys that had been left unattended by children who had their attentions diverted and didn't notice the tide coming in ever closer. Saw the little crabs who washed up on shore and then fought to dig themselves back under the sand before the seagulls noticed them and turned them into afternoon snacks.
But the most interesting find was an old plastic tablespoon...the type that comes in a measuring spoon set. I'm sure this was probably brought to the beach as part of a child's digging arsenal, but it managed to fixate in my mind as random things tend to do.
A tablespoon. Looking out at all the water in that vast ocean, a tablespoon of water is as insignificant as one grain of sand on the beach. The same can be said of an individual life. One person in the grand scheme of things can become insignificant and lost in the crowds of the world. To many people that is acceptable...live life unnoticed and try not to draw too much attention. But to most people, we want to feel that our would-be insignificant existence somehow left an impression on the world once we are no longer here. Whether or not that happens is almost entirely up to us as individuals. How we live our lives determines how we will be remembered.
So the real question that came up from this weekend is how do my actions impact those around me? Do the things I do and say really have a positive impact on those I interact with? It will give me something to think about the next time I have to make a decision on how to react to a situation or the next time someone asks for my help. When my life is over I want to be remembered as the one tablespoon in life's ocean that really did have an impact. Without that my life will truly have been meaningless.
Just checked my profile on the dating site, and I have another round of emails from would-be admirers. Some of these are people who really think (or so they claim) that I could be the perfect girl for them. It's a little difficult for me to believe that so many think I'm the girl of their dreams after reading my pictureless, slightly vague profile.
Maybe I'm beginning to become very cynical when it comes to the idea of "love", but I can't help but wonder if the saying really is true that there is someone for everyone. I'm beginning to question whether such a thing as true love really exists, and if so how do you know when you're lucky enough to find it?
I had a date Saturday night with someone I met online who happened to be from my hometown and went to my high school. We have so much similar history that we even used to have the same friends. The evening was going well until he decided to announce that he's really falling for me. Is that even possible on the first date? Yes, we had spent hours talking during the week leading up to Saturday, but that was still the first time we had officially met. I'm not even sure there is such a thing as love anymore, much less "love at first sight". From that point on, I felt myself retreating further and further behind an emotional wall until the evening was over and I could return home to the safety of my familiar life. And now he claims that he would be willing to follow me across country if I moved and that he will always be there for me. That declaration from someone I didn't even know 2 weeks ago is a tad bit uncomfortable, to say the least.
And before him I dated another man for a couple of months who claimed to have fallen in love with me. As scary as that sounded, I actually believed him, let my guard down and allowed him to get into my heart and head more than I should have. Apparently he loved me so much that he decided I wasn't even worth the consideration of a phone call after returning from a week long trip. Why would you make that claim if you are just going to turn around and so deliberately hurt the person you supposedly "love"? As much as I try, that doesn't even compute in my mind.
Like so many others, I enjoy a good movie or song about two people who find each other and manage to fall in love against all odds. But it seems, at least in my experience, that stories like that are rare. Both of these very recent experiences seem to support that. I don't think either one of these men truly know what it means to love someone, and yet they make their proclamations with no regard to the emotional consequences that might arise as a result.
Whatever happened to two people sharing the desire to invest the time and effort necessary to really get to know each other? Why is it that so many people throw out that word to complete strangers, or worse yet to people they know but don't care if they hurt? If there really is such a thing as true love I hope that someday I will be one of the lucky ones who get to experience it. Until such a time I remain increasingly skeptical.
Silly but fun
Current mood: flirty
Category: Games
I stole this from someone's blog on a dating site. This makes me look downright irresistible...not to mention a fabulous kisser! Reply with your name if you want to share.
Use the letters of your name to get your name personality.
T: Awesome kisser O: very very hot N: Very good kisser I: Has one of the best personalities ever
A: Likes to have long relationships B: Amazing kisser C: Great kisser D: Very very easy to fall in love with E: Can kick your ass F: likes soda G: Doesn't give a shit H: Fucking Hot I: Has one of the best personalities ever J: super sweet K: Crazy L: Has beautiful eyes M: Is really sweet N: Very good kisser O: very very hot P: Popular with all sorts of people Q: An animal lover R: perfect person to date S: Makes people laugh T: Awesome kisser U: Has a Smile to die for V : Not judgmental W: Very broad minded X: Never let people tell you what to do Y: can be funny and dumb at the same time
Coincidence or fate?
Current mood: crazy
Category: Life
Today I met a really nice guy for the first time. We met through a website, and we chatted for the entire afternoon and on into the evening. Very nice guy...very nice looking...and we have a lot in common. And yes, we do have our first date scheduled for next weekend.
So is it surprising that I would meet a nice guy online? Not really...I've met other people the same way that I've dated and/or developed friendships with. The surprising parts became clear when we started talking about our backgrounds.
Here I am in Tempe, Arizona. My new friend is in Phoenix, Arizona. I moved out here 8 years ago, and he's been here about 7 years. Turns out we both moved here from Indiana. Not only did we both move from Indiana, but we both moved out here from the same town in Indiana! There's more...we both graduated from the same high school one year apart and knew some of the same people. And if that's not strange enough, he used to work with my cousin and knows her whole immediate family.
Turns out we have many more things in common that just our shared high school history, but the other things are such that I wouldn't be surprised to learn from any new friend.
So the big question that is raised by this situation is this. Are these merely coincidences, or is there really such a force as destiny or fate? There are religious and philosophical arguments on both sides, and I've heard some pretty heated debates on the subject of coincidence versus fate.
Up until today, I used to fall somewhat in the middle without spending too much effort trying to determine if one of these concepts really guided our lives. But today...well, this just sounds incredibly similar to something I would expect to see on a Twilight Zone episode.
Was it coincidence that we just both happened to be online on the same day, at the same time, on the same site, in the same chat room? I don't think so. I think that life is far too complicated to leave it solely in the hands of coincidence. Whether anything more than a friendship develops out of this or not is yet to be determined, but I think there were forces at work beyond my comprehension that brought 2 people together at just that precise moment in time finally closing the loop that we had unknowingly started over 20 years ago.
The age of stupidity
Current mood: amused
Category: Life
I know I shouldn't be surprised at the lengths that companies will go to avoid potential lawsuits, but I still get hit with surprises that catch me off guard. The American justice system that allows people to sue companies and win large settlements for their own carelessness or plain stupidity is so backward it's not even funny. What is funny are the CYA attempts by companies to combat the stupid lawsuits. I never used to read through all the precautions when I bought something new, but nowadays those precautions provide some great comedic relief. Here are some that come to mind.
My new curling iron: "Do not use while sleeping" George Foreman grill: "Do not use while standing in water" Clothes iron: "Do not attempt to iron clothes while wearing them" Cat litter box: "Safe to use around pets" Hair dryer: "Do not use while in the shower" Windshield sun shield: "Do not attempt to drive with sun shield in window" Hot beverage cup: "Caution: contents may be hot" Peanut M&Ms: "May contain nuts" NyQuil: "May cause drowsiness" Fruit Roll-Ups: "Remove plastic before eating"
Do the words "well, DUH!" come to mind for anyone else? I guess "common sense" isn't as common as it used to be.
Currently
listening
:
Bat out of Hell
By
Meat Loaf
Release date: 2001-01-30
As those of you who have taken the time to browse my photo albums know, I like to take pictures, lots of pictures. My favorite pictures are the pretty flowers, the beautiful landscape, and moving critters...especially the lizards who hiss at me when I'm trying to get a good shot. I have received so many nice comments about my pictures. One of our IT guys downloaded my desktop pic while he was fixing my computer one day. One of our customer service reps has a whole folder with my snapshots in it. Friends, relatives, and strangers alike seem to enjoy looking at my photography.
And now the critics are stepping up. In the past two weeks I've received criticisms about my pictures. Now I don't mind a bit of constructive criticism, especially if it's given by someone who is trying to teach me something. But then there are those who just plain annoy me.
Critic number one: my uncle (see previous blog). This would be the lecture I got about spending too much time focusing on taking pictures of a bird that was posing for me that I didn't watch the woman trying (unsuccessfully) to feed it. Could it possibly be that my uncle was a bit jealous because he was so wrapped up watching the woman trying to feed the bird that he didn't get his camera ready until the bird flew away?
Critic number two: a friend. This would be the friend who finds new topics to preach to me every several months. He's given me parenting tips (about 50, never been married, and no kids). He's told me what types of guys I shouldn't date (and I'm well aware that he thinks he falls into the "should date" category). He tells me what kinds of activities I should and shouldn't do (he really hates when I go hiking by myself). And now...I've gotten about a dozen emails from him since I made the mistake of sending him some of my favorite recent wildflower pictures a couple days ago. Talk about opening up a can of worms! I should focus less on things and more on people (especially if the "people" happen to be a semi-nude shot of myself). My photos are off balance. My photos don't capture his attention enough. All this from the guy who takes mostly fuzzy pictures of old people standing stock still with frozen camera smiles.
Here's a tip for the critics. When someone has a true passion for something they usually are interested in feedback to help them improve. However, when the feedback comes in the form of a long lecture or a long string of emails or comments that contain nothing but all the bad points, it isn't welcome. Even if someone is doing a horrible job, there is almost always something positive that can be said. One positive comment, however small, would go a long way when the message is going to be primarily negative.
I like what I do with my camera. And there are some shots that I'm especially proud of, shots that my artistic eye allows me to find and capture. I like sharing my pictures with those who want to see them...no one is forced to look. It's a big world, and not everyone is impressed by the same things.
So here's to my critics...I welcome you one and all. If you are more experienced and have some ideas that will help me improve, I will gladly listen to what you have to say. If you don't like my work just tell me and I will leave you off the list next time I share. A simple "I don't care for them" would suffice; I don't need a long lecture on everything you think I'm doing wrong. To those who do enjoy my pictures, there will be plenty more to see.
The month of May has been an exhausting one for me. My graduation (the day before I flew out to Illinois for work) was followed by my son's graduation just before Memorial Day and my daughter's this past Friday. Throw in playing a few concerts just for good measure and top it off with a long weekend of out of town relatives that I haven't seen in about 15 years, and we've pretty much got the month summed up. Whew...now to take a breath and think about all that I learned.
My aunt and uncle came down to visit for my son's graduation. They were here for three full days over the Memorial Day weekend. I hadn't seen them in many years, and it was good to reconnect on a level which just can't be achieved through phone and email conversations. However, the visit also made me realize a few things about my own values.
I'll preface this by saying that since I am apparently the "black sheep" of the family, my aunt and uncle are about the only relatives that I still really have any sort of relationship with. Sad? Maybe, but that's life and there is more to my and my family's story than I am willing to blog about.
Before they ever arrived, I spent a good deal of time getting things prepared and making sure the house was spotless, the guest room was set up, etc., etc., etc. Anyone who has had house guests knows the drill. But despite my best efforts, I still managed to fall short in the eyes of my guests.
From the type of food in my fridge, to the type of car I drive, to my passion for getting a good picture, the weekend was filled with little observations that revealed their disapproval.
The house is nice...but it's too big for me. The fridge is stocked...but not with the right foods. The coffee is good...but we prefer something else. The yard looks great...but how much does the gardener cost. And the list goes on.
They tried to hide their criticisms, but their snobbery came through regardless. My aunt didn't like the soap in my bathroom so had to use her own. My uncle actually got down on his hands and knees and looked under my stove to complain about the dust and cat toys underneath. They cleaned my microwave; they rewashed all the dishes that came out of the dishwasher; they ran through an entire roll of paper towels in one day!
And the kicker was my uncle's observation that I was too focused on taking pictures that I didn't take time to enjoy the surroundings. This observation came after I got some beautiful pictures of a cardinal who was posing for me, but in doing so I missed the part where the tram driver was holding out a few kernels of corn trying to get the bird's attention. That was the point where everything really came into focus for me.
Yes...I missed seeing a woman holding out a handful of corn, but in return I got about a dozen shots of the bird in all his glory, and I remember his vivid colors and the rush it was to see him so close; the joy it was to be able to capture his beauty with my lens. It seems to me that I got the better end of the deal...I remember the cardinal, not the handful of dead corn. And the bird seemed more interested in posing for me than he was in the potential snack.
I may not have the money to hire a housekeeper to make sure no dust bunnies are lurking underneath my stove, but my house is clean. I may not drive the latest model BMW, but I can sure have fun in my Ford Escape. I may not have friends with yachts, but those who I do consider close friends know how to have a good time without money. I may not have a house filled with designer furniture, but I can appreciate the way the sound of my sax bounces off the uncluttered wood floors, bare walls, and high ceilings.
There will always be someone who has more money, more things, more whatever. Those who focus more on "keeping up with the Joneses" will never be satisfied. People like me who can be happy with the cheaper camera and car are able to appreciate the little things in life that are so often and so easily overlooked.
I love my aunt and uncle, and I don't think their snobbery was intentional. But it taught me something important. I may not have much as far as expensive material possessions, but I am happy and content with what I do have. And most importantly, I know how to derive pleasure from something as simple as seeing a brilliant red bird sitting in a tree just waiting for me to snap his picture.
"That which you manifest is before you"
Current mood: enlightened
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
Otherwise known as self-fulfilling prophesy, this statement is from the latest book that has captured my attention. "The Art of Racing in the Rain" is a novel with an interesting twist. The storyteller is a dog, and he is remembering his life and reflecting on what he has learning about humans.
This was one of those impulse buys that I picked up during a trip to Starbucks last week, and having only read it 2 days, I am currently halfway through the book. The dog, Enzo, has gained his knowledge of humans through interacting with his family and through countless hours of watching television. His observations are insightful and humorous with just enough dog-type behaviors thrown in to let the reader's imagination think that it actually could be a dog telling the story.
Enzo's master is a champion race car driver, so the dog has learned to use racing analogies to describe characteristics of life. The statement "that which you manifest is before you" is a statement that is repeated often throughout the book. When his master first said this to him, he was speaking of taking control of the car and thinking ahead about what may be coming up rather than thinking of the mistakes that have been made. In thinking ahead, the driver has time to act rather than react to situations that may arise, which could mean the difference between winning or losing the race.
This statement can also be applied to life in general. When we dwell in the past and think about all the mistakes we've made and all the bad things we've been through, our behavior tends to repeat the same mistakes because that is what our minds are most focused on. When we choose to move forward and look ahead, envisioning our goals instead of imagining our potential defeats, we are much more likely to reach those goals because our minds are focused and we have time to act appropriately instead of reacting when unforeseen obstacles arise.
Obviously, we can't control everything in life simply by manifesting good thoughts, but the mind is a very powerful tool. The way we think definitely has an affect on the outcome of things we do have control over. A rather simple phrase with a very insightful message...the power to essentially change our own destinies.
If you can’t laugh at yourself Part II: Stupid things Randy has said (or done)
Current mood: amused
Category: Life
As promised...Did he inherit it from me, or did I acquire it from him? Who knows, but like mother, like son when it comes to saying (and doing) stupid things. Here are some of my favorite "Randyisms".
"...and forgive us our dinners..." Randy was about 4 at the time and he was very proud of himself for having learned to recite the Lord's Prayer. He did quite well, but as hard as I tried I couldn't hold back the laughing when he said this line.
"Because she asked me to." This was in response to my question of why he decided to jump off of the porch wall. He ended up with a broken arm for the summer at a very young age all because the little neighbor girl wanted him to jump.
Forging mom's name. He made a good effort...even included my middle initial. Unfortunately for him, his 3rd grade teacher was able to tell the difference between a 3rd grader's cursive writing and mom's signature.
The power strip incident. This one needed no words. He needed to plug something in and couldn't figure out where to plug it in. So after looking around he unplugged the empty power strip so he could plug into the wall outlet!
Setting fire to his school. Supposedly an accident. What more can I say?
"I worked so hard to get kicked out of school so why are you making me go back?!" After getting suspended for setting a fire in his classroom, he was clearly not interested in returning to school one Saturday to see the school play.
"When I die I want to be cremated and flushed down the toilet." This statement was even funnier considering that just as he said it his sister came walking around the corner. The expression on her face was classic!
That's my son...a few laughs, but his life is clearly headed down the "shitter".
If you can’t laugh at yourself...leave it to a kid to do it for you
Current mood: amused
Category: Life
A slip of the tongue and my son not only got a laugh at my expense but now expects me to blog about it. Now would I want to disappoint my baby boy the week of his graduation?
Let me start by saying I'm tired. Not that all of the stupid things I've said have been when I've been tired, but this evening, that's my excuse. Just when I think he never listens to me, here are some of the things that have gotten my son's attention in the past few months.
"Do we have enough laundry soup?" Again...I'm tired. No, I don't expect him to pop open a can of Campbell's chicken noodle to throw into the machine, but then again whatever works!
"If you see my keys in the fridge don't take them out!" This one was an honest request. I had forgotten to take my lunch to work that day so I figured if I put my car keys with my lunch I wouldn't forget it the next day. And the fact that it was a tuna sub prevented me from leaving my lunch with my keys on top of my purse.
"I just figured out what I want for dinner...a burger and shake!" What made me suddenly think of that, he asked? "I just passed Taco Bell." Don't ask...I have no idea why the Taco Bell sign suddenly had me craving In 'N' Out, but it did. It made perfect sense at the time (at least to me).
And his apparent favorite..."It's right next to the Fry's on Southern and Rural! Will you just listen to what I'm telling you?! If you just go to the end of the building the parking lots are connected!!!" OOPS...after about 10 minutes of this argument I realized that the place we were meeting was actually a mile down the road. :)
So Randy...here's your graduation present from Mom. Enjoy the laughs, and just wait for If you can't laugh at yourself Part II: Stupid things Randy has said.
amused
contemplative
relaxed
rejuvenated
discontent
flirty
crazy
artistic
thankful
enlightened