Tonight I decided to not make another mistake regarding kitties...
I got my digital camera out and took many photo's of Bonnie. I also took two short videos... both were 30 seconds each. They're of her playing with one of her favorite toys... a tiny red beanie puppy made of velvetine material.
I plugged the camera into my pc and downloaded them to my hard drive. Ronny got home right when it was finishing its transfer. I called him in my office to view what I'd taken.
As I stared at the screen, I began to cry. I couldn't speak for a moment until he asked me what was wrong. Nothing was wrong... if anything... it was "right"!!
It was Clyde!!
We thought my camera battery had died before we were able to take any photo's or video's of him.
We were wrong!!!
We got a 4-second video of him, winking at the camera and kneading my chest.
It's only 4-seconds but it's the most awesome 4-second video I have EVER seen!
I feel like this is just another blessing from Clyde to us. We have this little video we can now show everyone... his sweet little face and HUGE ears... hehehehe!
I am uploading the video to my videos here on myspace in a few minutes.
I hope you all enjoy it.
If you watch it, please comment on it so I know? I would really appreciate it!
A gift from Clyde
Current mood: thankful
Category: Pets and Animals
August 5th... the day after Ronny burried our little Clyde... he and I went outside to visit him. I placed his favorite kitty toy by the stone upon his resting place and Ronny picked a small white flower, that was hiding amongst the weeds and grass. As we held each other and cried over the loss and laughed over the happy memories we had formed, even in such a small amount of time we had with him, I couldn't help but notice a very large Monarch butterfly flittering about. It seemed to have come out from nowhere and was landing on more of the tiny white flowers, like the one Ronny had just picked moments before. The butterfly danced around our heads, circling us a few times.
My mind went back to what still seems like it was only last week when my grandmother passed away. I remembered her funeral. I remembered the pastor speaking about her and life and transitions. He said that she hadn't really left us, that she'd only been transformed, like a butterfly that starts out life as a catapillar. I thought about this, thought about her and I smiled and hugged Ronny as I watched the butterfly slowly fly around and finally leave.
Thursday, Ronny and I were running some errands. As we were driving, we passed the county shelter on Shop Road and Ronny decided he wanted to stop in and look around. I was hesitant at first but thought perhaps the "kitten room" would cheer him up some. Holly and I have visited in that room a few times and I've never gone there and left without a huge smile on my face. Typically, the kitten room is filled with at least 10 kittens... all of them bouncing around and playing.. sniffing whoever walks in, inspecting them, loving on them, hoping to find a new owner to take them home. We exited the car and we were immediately greeted by another butterfly. It flittered around Ronny as he got my wheelchair out of the car. It flew about us and "led" us to the front door.
Much to our dismay, the kitten room was locked and there were only a few cats inside... no kittens. I asked the receptionist if they had any kittens anywhere and she directed us to another room. This room didn't have any kittens but it had several adult cats, all of them sleeping and being lazy. My cell phone rang and it was Ronny's mom calling. After his conversation and much petting of the lazy cats, we left the room and went into another room.
This third room had kittens and cats, behind cages.. not roaming around free. We walked around, playing and talking to each kitten and cat through their cage bars. Ronny and I noticed, at around the same time, a small tabby kitten. It reminded me of Clyde and I half-smiled... bittersweet, was the moment. Ronny proceeded to open the cage door and he took the kitten out. He held the kitten and it started purring on contact. It licked and nibbled at his fingers and I could see on my husband's face that we were not going to be able to leave without taking it home.
He put the kitten back inside it's cage and left us to so he could talk to the receptionist and inquire the kittens sex. We had talked about in our distant future we might consider a female kitten and name her Bonnie. This idea came from a dear friend of mine, Kim aka Blossom, as a way to honor and remember Clyde... adopt a female kitten, save it from being put down, call her... Bonnie. Anyhow, I had told Ronny that I was certain this kitten was a female. He returned after a few minutes with confirmation. It... was a she. After talking it over and making sure Ronny wasn't making a hasty decision, we filled out the necessary paperwork and adopted her.
We've had her since Thursday and she's brought a lot of happiness to us. She's not a replacement to Clyde, whatsoever, we still miss him, still cry for him and we both still are dealing with the flashbacks and images. In a lot of ways, Bonnie is like Clyde... and in a lot of ways, she is very different. One thing I am thankful for is she's not as tiny as he was. Bonnie is at least twice the size of Clyde and for her sake and ours, she seems to "fear" my motorized wheelchair. Clyde was much too young and innocent to fear it. He was only about two months old, just learning his surroundings, still tripping over his own paws... Bonnie is almost 4 months old... old enough to know fear but still playful, small and somewhat innocent.
We thank Clyde for sharing his love and life with us and bringing so much joy and laughter into our home. And we thank him for Bonnie. Ronny and I fully believe he led us to her.
Thank you Clyde. You and Smudge take care of each other and daddy and I will see you both at the Rainbow Bridge one day. We love you both, always.
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The killer in me...
Current mood: wasteful
Category: wasteful Pets and Animals
I am a killer.
I have taken a life.
This is my confession.
August 4th... was a horrible day...
I wanted to show our new stray kitten something neat. I called out to Ronny, who was in the kitchen, to get our kitty and bring him to the living room so I could... I never confirmed he actually had him though. I only assumed. I was stupid.
Instead, Clyde Noir, the stray kitty that Ronny rescued from under a dumpster, had run from my husband and darted under the back wheel of my wheelchair as I was backing up...
and well...
the rest is too graphic to explain.
I am in so much pain and so much grief.
I feel such an incredible amount of guilt it's ripping at me piece by piece.
The images won't leave me and I feel as if I am suffering my own Post Traumatic Stress. Ronny isn't doing any better, if anything this has made his PTSD from Iraq worse than before. He just got home from Iraq in May 2008... for those who don't know.
I feel like I'm breaking... I want to die.
The aftermath of what happened is haunting me...
during the day at night in my dreams
Even when I try to pre-occupy myself with activities and movies to watch.. I find my mind drift and all I can see is him spasming, making dying sounds and... the blood.
Oh God...
the blood...
I have washed my arms from when I held him as he died and I still see the blood....
I still feel him tense one last time and still see his face... his eyes looking at me as he died...
The pain of losing him.. knowing I killed this creature that trusted me and loved me and needed my protection and love...
...
it
is
killing me..
I feel like my heart is breaking into a million pieces over and over
Someone told me that Clyde forgives me and would want me to stop hurting... that's another major part I am having trouble with....
... knowing and trying to believe whether or not he truly forgives me and that it's not just my own delusions trying to make me feel better.
Friends tell me it's not my fault...
They tell me to stop thinking about it... to stop playing the images over and over...
They tell me to not blame myself.. to stop being so hard on myself...
I thought about it and told myself that...
surely my friends are able to see this situation better than me... from the 3rd person perspective...
who knows a person better than their friends and family...
when you can't rely on yourself to speak the truth to oneself... you turn to those who are speaking from a place of calm and clarity...
but how the words seem empty to me now...
how can I believe that I am worthy of forgiveness and peace for something I supposedly had no control over, that supposedly wasn't my fault, that supposedly was an accident... when my friends don't give themselves the same credit when they suffer hard times or tragedies?
I am not special compared to them...
If they're told, just like I'm told, to not beat up on themselves about things that aren't in their control.. to be strong and lean on friends when in pain... why should I ? When they don't? What makes me so special that I should take their words when they don't believe it when I say it about them?
I am equal to them.
I am no different.
I deserve no sympathy and pity.
I deserve no forgiveness.
Clyde will see me at the Rainbow Bridge and he will turn from me.
I failed my husband.
I failed my friends.
I failed him.
He will not forgive me and I don't deserve his forgiveness if he did.
I deserve to suffer and remember those graphic images every second of every day I have left in my wasted life.
53 bird species face extinction in S.C.
Current mood: sad
Category: News and Politics
COLUMBIA, S.C. - Nearly 30 percent of the nation's most threatened birds species can be found in South Carolina, according to a conservation report released Wednesday.
Of 178 rare bird species in danger of extinction, 53 spend at least part of their lives in the Palmetto State. The biggest threat to them is suburban sprawl, especially along the coast, according to the Audubon and American Bird Conservancy's WatchList 2007.
Keeping cats indoors, leashing dogs on the beach, volunteering to protect nesting colonies, and donating to wetlands conservation are among the ways South Carolinians can help save the endangered birds, the report said.
Birds come to South Carolina for its wide range of habitats, from the beaches and salt marshes to the mountains, but development is limiting their places to breed and rest, according to the report.
WatchList species in South Carolina include the swallow-tailed kite, red-headed woodpecker, wood thrush and Bachman's sparrow.
"Whether you have heard of these birds or not, all of them perform vital roles in sustaining South Carolina's natural ecosystems," said Jeff Mollenhauer, director of bird conservation at Audubon South Carolina, in a release. "The time to act is now, while there is still time left."
Heeey! I’m in the Carolina Sunrise Local Newspaper! :-D
Current mood: happy
Category: Life
How cool is that? :) I was interviewed back in 2002 by the Columbia Star newspaper and the writer did a horrible job translating her notes into facts. I mean, everything she had written about me was wrong, right down to my age!
So, anyhow.. I'm super excited about this article because it got the facts right! LOL! Woohoo! Aaaaaaaaaand... Ronny is included in the article and I think he will be very tickled to see himself on the front cover of a newspaper.
Anyhow, you can read the article along with the rest of the paper, here: The Carolina Sunrise
The IAVA.org and BarelyPolitical.com present: "I Like a Boy". A salute to U.S. Troops who serve overseas and at home...and the people who love them.
The song can be purchased at BarelyPolitical.com/music --all proceeds benefit the Iraq Afghanistan Veterans Association (IAVA.org)
Created by: Ben Relles
Directed by: Kevin Arbouet and Larry Strong
Vocals by: Leah Kauffman
Cameo by: Mims
Music produced by: Rick Friedrich
Starring: Amber Lee Ettinger as Obama Girl Amina Sade and Sena Khoda as the Obama Girls Rebecca Dipietro, Dani Gross and Kristina Adelina as the Giuliani Girls Carrie, Chrsitine and Carolyn Ditmar as the Romney Girls Members of the US Military (as themselves)
Special thanks to all the wives, girlfirends and friends of U.S. Troops who appeared in the video... THANK YOU!
Pregnant soldier forced to remain on front line
Current mood: pissed off
Category: Life
This is just insane!!
Thursday Jul 26 18:00 AEST
By Simon Bouda National Nine News
An Australian soldier was forced to remain on the front line in Afghanistan after she fell pregnant, and eventually miscarried before she was sent home.
The 34-year-old major was deployed to the front line at Camp Holland at Tarin Kowt in southern Afghanistan with the First Reconstruction Task Force.
Within weeks the married officer discovered she'd fallen pregnant before leaving Australia. Her condition was confirmed by the camp medico.
She reported the pregnancy to the relevant officers. National Nine News understands arrangements should have been made to have her evacuated as soon as possible.
ADF Health Policy dictates that pregnant soldiers are unfit for both operational and sea-going duties.
But it is claimed she was told to stay in the war zone until a replacement arrived, even though she could have been evacuated on an aircraft which was due to return to Australia.
It's understood that in the days after she reported her pregnancy, Camp Holland came under mortar attack and she was repeatedly forced to lug her heavy bullet-proof vest and helmet in and out of bomb shelters.
Australian Defence Force headquarters in Canberra was notified of the major's situation but it wasn't until almost a week later that she was flown out on a C130 Hercules. She miscarried on board.
Both the major and the officers involved are now back in Australia.
It is understood that the Defence Minister's office was informed of the soldier's pregnancy before she was shipped out of Afghanistan. But she was not flown out until almost a week later.
Internal investigations are understood to have been held into the incident, but no action has yet been taken.
Join me... Freedom Walk 2007
Current mood: calm
Category: Life
In 2005, Pentagon employees created The America Supports You Freedom Walk to commemorate the attack on the Pentagon and honor all lives lost on September 11. What began as a small gesture has become a new national tradition. Last year, over 135 Freedom Walks of all types and sizes were held across the U.S. to honor the victims of September 11, reflect on the freedoms we have in America, and pay tribute to our veterans, past and present. The National Freedom Walk will be held in Washington, D.C. on Sunday, September 9, 2007, at 9:00 a.m. Local Freedom Walks will be held across America from September 8-11 in cities, workplaces and schools. Anyone is welcome to host or organize a Freedom Walk, or participate in a walk in their local community.
The America Supports You Freedom Walk is free of charge and open to the public. You must register in advance to participate. Registration closes on September 7, 2007 at 6:00 p.m. EDT.
If you're not in Columbia, SC and would like to walk or maybe host a walk - click here to view a map and list of contacts of "team captains". Freedom Walk Map
The Freedom Walk in Columbia will be on Tuesday 11 Sept. 2007. Walkers will meet at the State Capital between 1015 hrs and 1115 hrs and the Walk will begin at 1130hrs. We will walk down Main Street to Taylor Street and turn left and end a Finley Park. At 1200Noon we will have a Memorial Ceremony at the park.
blissful
thankful
My cell phone rang and it was Ronny's mom calling. After his conversation and much petting of the lazy cats, we left the room and went into another room.
awake
sad
happy
peaceful
pissed off
calm
