Somethin' Like A New Love
Current mood: sleepy

Notttt my best work.
Jeff says it's beautiful.
(and I say he's crazy. =P)

So sometimes I find this

So hard to believe

That this love I know

Was so hard to conceive

So once I said

"My heart can't mend

And this other boy I love

Is only my friend"

How could I say that?

With him on my side

"But him in love?

That'd hurt his pride."

And the hardest part was

Letting it into my head

That my eyes were bloodshot

And my heart was shaped red

But hardly in my mind

Did I have the slightest delight

That his words

"You know I still love you, right?"

And at that

Exact moment in time

The sound of my heartbeat

Overwhelmed my mind

For his love to me

Was more than a heart

It was an open door

It was a brand new start

I could love again

And love him alone

"In love" took awhile

But "in love" was known

For this man was placed

In front of my eyes

To kiss these lips

And be my prize

As forever and ever

Is more than just a notion

Because I love you deeply

More than the sky

Loves the ocean.

2:26 AM - 4 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

I said it all. I said what was true.
Current mood: accomplished

Yet to be titled

It was a slow, moderate kiss.
Pushed hard against the lover's lips.
Wrapped up with emotion
With hips pressed against hips

Heat rose between the thighs
And neither could bear
The aching between the two
Was so strong, it shouldn't be there

They were told it was wrong
But they were in love!
And holding back
Was something they were sick of

They were in hiding
But why? Their love was true
Oh, but they were different
And this, they shouldn't do
That they knew

They couldn't resist
Nights apart seemed so long
And neither understood
Why their love was so wrong

So riddle me this
You riddling fool
Tell me why
This world is so cruel

I believe
Their love is true
So why must you place them
So far below you?

The worst part is
You love who you can
So why won't you let him
Love another man?!

We're all "equal"
And life was made "free"
So tell me what happened
To the phrase "meant to be"

They tell you "Be yourself"
"Don't change to fit in"
What about faking to save your life?
You know, burying it within

Does that break your rules
Of "being yourself"
Or do you have to pull that book
From your dusted off shelf?

You'll blame that they're wrong
You'll tell them what's right
But the truth be told
They both want to die tonight

Because they feel unborn
They feel untrue
Because they hid in contempt
From people like you

"But we don't have to do this"
The lover stated
"I know that we're different
And I know that we're hated"

A breath was taken
And there was a long pause
As he choked back tears
"We're not following the laws"

Love is not limited
Love is not confined
Love is a connection
But love is only blind

So riddle me this
As you've riddled me before
Tell me why
There's this bloodshed on the floor

-Mercedes.

7:06 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

It's just there..
Current mood: There.

Pretty much all that was on my mind one day in class.
Swarmed.
Defeated.
Blank.

His eyes were almost a deep purple. And his gaze was locked between eternity and the blank wall. the empty space fascinated him. It was all he had left. For he could no longer speak. Every breath was a lifetime, and every word was a new death all over again. He was hurt. For a mended wound opened itself and left him waking up in the middle of the night praying it would close. Screaming it would end. He was alone. He was angry. He was afraid of dying. But there was an unbearable misery within his world. And he knew the worst part of him was taking over. He knew he his life was giving out. But he was afraid of letting go. His wonders, hopes, and his dreams were drowning in the wake of being taunted for being an excuse to fanticize reality and fill a boy's head with sick escapes. Nothing was giving out to him. He was hurt. For a would that opened left him waking in the middle of the night screaming. He was afraid of dying.

Currently listening : Blood in Blood Out By AMB Release date: 18 April, 2006

6:28 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Live me.
Current mood: blank

It's eating at me again. Inside, I just want to decay.
Last year, I was everything. Everyone knew who I was.
And now I'm nothing. I'm just a walking flesh that no one cares about, because no one notices her.
No one knows who I am. No one knows what I can do.
And if I went up to someone and said
"I can write. I can sing. And I'm a photographer."
They wouldn't go
"OH, that's wonderful! Be my friend and show me who you are and what you're capable of!"
They aren't going to care.
I'm just there. I have no life.
And everyday it just picks at me.
Be somebody. Be somebody.
I always have someone telling me "You're only 14! You have your whole life ahead of you."
YEAH WELL. I'm 14 with an ambituous mind to BE who I am RIGHT NOW for the rest of my life. And a DESIRE to live out what I can do right now.
I can't just keep sitting here day after day after day chasing unicorns.
"SO GO FOR IT. Do what you want!"
Go for it? I can't just run out and make a speech of who I am today.
I need listeners. I need a life.
I just keep babbling.
I can DO this, right?
I can pursue every dream I've ever wanted.
I'm halfway through it, right?


Maybe I just need some help.
Someone get me somewhere...


-Mercedes.

4:23 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Empty.
Current mood: cold

"Well apparently it wasn't that important to her."
Exactly what my mom said to her friend over the phone when I got my schedule to enter High School only to find that Yearbook wasn't on it as if I wasn't sitting next to her.
Yeah, I started school three weeks ago, and haven't been in Yearbook. It hasn't bothered me, but when I really think about it- it's the reason I don't have any new friends.
Yeah, it's my fault I didn't make Yearbook, because my application was late.
"Excuse me. Yearbook was my life for the last two years."
And it really was. It was all me. The only other way I could express my creativity, other than my writing. With Bawb by my side, her and I were nothing but a team of invincible Yearbook Editors and the Yearbook's Saviors. But now Bawb, my other half, is at a different school, and I am not in Yearbook. I've finally realized PART of the reason why I've gotten and empty feeling every night. The feeling where everything feels so cold.
I was the top. Everyone knew who I was. Yearbook's finest, and the most outgoing independent in the school (next to Bawb.) I was everything. Now I walk through the school as to no one knowing who I am, and how much creativity I have in me.
Yeah, Yearbook stressed me out. I lost sleep over it. But I needed it all. I had a responsibility everytime I walked through that door. I had people who looked up to me. Who knew that could they come to me knowing something wasn't right one their DPS, and say "Hey, does this look okay?"
And if I changed it, they wouldn't give me the vibe they felt criticized, because they knew I had the upper hand, and knew what I was doing. I freaked sometimes over things. I was horrified when we didn't make deadlines. I got called Miss Tuttle over and over (our advisor.) But at the end of every day I felt accomplished. Like my life just wasn't a waste of oxygen. I felt like I was something to someone and to the world. Now I feel empty. Like I should be doing something, but I can't.
I want to help somebody. I want to be someone.
Last year, I wasn't just a student. I was Yearbook Editor. I was the IT. With the best partner by my side.
But now it's over, it's gone. For the time being. I am dead.

-Mercedes.

2:26 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

What World Are You From?

"What World Are You From?" meaning, what is your outlook? Your perspective. How do you see things from you own eyes?

What World Are You From?

How do you live?
Do you take it step by step
Breathe slowly
And take every second
Into consideration?

Do you move so fast
You don't have time
For anyone else?

Or do you take it
Down the wrong path
Dreading every second
You keep your eyes open
And wishing everyday
That you would die?

How do you pray, precious?
Right beside the preacher
With your head bowed down
And faith guiding you?

Or are you knelt against
Your own rigid lie
With nothing to give
Because you're not set to believe?

How do you love, baby?
With every piece
Of your worn out heart?
And every beat it takes
Is for the one
You want to spend eternity with?

Or do you love and forget?
And push yourself away
By not giving your all
Into the relationship?

How do you win?
Do you reach for the top
And follow all the rules?

Or do you stomp
On everyone else
So no one can get in your way
At making it
To the highest rank

How do you live, dear?
With love and slow steps?
Or hate, wishing it would end?

Do you know
Time heals wounds?
Or do you move so fast
Time has no time to exist?

Do you think before you speak?
Or do you fall on every word
Because they caught you in a faded lie?

Do you feel like you've done something
To make a difference
In someone's life?

Or do you feel secluded
Like no one listens to you?

Do you walk with pride
In your chest?
Or do you
Hang you head down?

Do you speak with intelligence
Or with ignorance upon your tongue?

Do you think with your head?
Or do you think with your heart?

Why do you take the time to kill
But you don't take the time to heal?

-Mercedes-

11:28 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Sunsets

Purple.

The sky turns a hazy purple.

And everything comes crashing down on me like a house that just fell apart.

Sunsets remind me of a time where nothing mattered.

When I wasn't running from this worn out heart inside of me.

Or when I wasn't screaming in the middle of the rain, while standing in the street.

I watch it until the sky turns completely black, and the stars shine with a glistening grin.

I wish the sky could speak.

And tell me the sunset will be there tomorrow.

So I won't feel half as bad when I turn my back on the night sky, and flit.

Even though I know, I wish I could be assured.

-Mercedes.

9:20 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

I Can't...
Current mood: numb

Lovely.


I feel completely wrecked as it is. I seriously can't find the time to think straight at all.

It's a weird conspiracy of how I can just sit here, and take every bit of me apart...and find nothing of what I'm looking for...

So I break open every faded lie, and remember how...he tried to save himself from what we had..

OH HE.

He...I call him he...but he has a name...that burns..

I have ten million different things running through my head...yet they all run at the same pace..

I just want to break down. But I can't. I have to keep it together.

I HAVE to. If I don't. Everything is messed up.
Because today is my responsibility
And tomorrow. And any other day. I have to keep myself in order...so others don't fall away with me.

I have to act like nothing is killing me. Like his knife....is not there.
To others. It's not there.
My eyes see it perfectly and it's coming right at me. BUT. I can't scream.
I can't fall. I can't shed one single tear. I have to act like it's not there.
Like I don't hear his voice in my head.

I can't do it. Unless I'm alone.

People can't know I'm still falling apart for this man..

Over and over I'll get "HEY! How are you?"
I have to smile and say "I'm fine. How are you?"

Because I can't let them know. I can't let this show..

I can't face the world today...
But I must.
Yet, I can barely see.
My eyes...they sting...
"Just like the life in front of her"

Sorry...I broke into one of my poems for a second.
Ugh. Who am I here?
I'm no poet.
I just have feelings..that can't be spoken...but they can't be written down into the right words of exactly what's in my head..

So it comes out as this...disasterous flowing piece of...hatred...

I don't know.
But I must leave this room soon enough.

I can't keep hiding away in here
I hide my hurt feelings...behind my eyes...
And I step out of this doorway.
And no one can see it.

-Mercedes.

Currently reading : Cirque Du Freak #11: Lord of the Shadows : Book 11 in the Saga of Darren Shan (Cirque Du Freak: the Saga of Darren Shan) By Darren Shan Release date: 10 May, 2006

2:12 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Love Isn't Much of a Pain Killer
Current mood: lonely

A world so cold, I was blinded.

There was everything, I could not see

The right, the wrong, the good, and the bad

Love had completely taken it's toll

And it was in to destroy me

And get out as fast as it could.

It caught me

When I was most vulnerable

When I had nothing to give, but love to whom I was in love with

To my surprise, for awhile, that ended up being enough

And in return

Was everything I swore I'd always wanted

There were no more tears

No more anger

And the feeling of being stabbed in the back over and over

Was gone

Because he was mine

But what I didn't see

Was how much of a wreck

Love was trying to make me be.

It reeled me in by making me feel wonderful

Like I mattered in this world

But again and again it slowly covered me

Shielding the sun

And every surrounding

All I wanted was to feel loved

Doesn't everyone?

I didn't want to feel this hot knife poke in and out of me anymore

With him by my side, I had the world

We had more than a sick love story

We had a friendship

An understanding

Each other's hands, and guidance

And telling love

That I was happy

Was the worst mistake

I'd ever turned to

At that, it ripped me apart

It pulled off every shade

And showed me every witness

Everyone who was trying to tell me all along

That I wouldn't be happy with this man

Whom I thought, was the love of my life.

Everything right then, fell apart

As my eyes were the only thing keeping me

So close, yet so distant

Because I was so blinded by love

I could not see what was going on

What I needed to see

As to him and I were too much alike

And we failed

Which destroyed me

From the inside out

From my mind to my heart

Exactly what love wanted

It's plan was to destroy me

And get out as fast as it could

And it did

It took off without a single trace

And never looked back once

Left me a complete wreck

With no chance of him coming back

I was left to run away

From my fears

From my love for him

I didnt want it anymore

I didnt want to feel

I was scarred

For everything inside of me

Was broken down

And now

Something in me

Some part of my heart 

Will not let him go

 And it makes it hard

To love anyone else

As for love

Never wanted me

It wanted me in ruins

With a world this cold, I was blinded

-Mercedes.

Currently listening : Mutant, Vol. 2 By Twiztid Release date: 26 July, 2005

8:31 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Healing Words: Trisha
Current mood: touched

So. I told Trisha I was going to start this new thing...that everytime someone had inspired me...or gave me wise words to advise me or help me, I would post it has a blog, and say what they had said, so maybe it could help them to.

Funny part is...she happens to be the first one to do that...since I came up with the idea.

So...here is goes...

The other night. I freaked into crying, because of someone in whom I love, has half-stepped out of my life. And with him it's not the same anymore.

I knew that someone would understand. So I spilt all my feelings, just right there.

I had said "I can't take this anymore. I can't do it. I thought I could be happy for them, but I just can't. It hurts. I love him so much."

She stops me and goes "Whoa whoa. Where is all this coming from?"

I tell her "My heart."

I told her how I got to crying.

I can't remember her EXACT words, but the ones that got me were "...maybe you should take him out of your life for awhile. You know no phone, no internet with him or whatever. Just to give yourself some time to heal."

Who did those words come from?

Trisha.

Her telling me that was just another thing to let me know she actually cares about me.

She let's me know to take it in slowly. Heal.

And that's why I love her.

And I always wish that I could take her pain away with just words.

You know...let her know...to heal

I love you Trisha. <3

Muffin.

Currently listening : Iowa By Slipknot Release date: 28 August, 2001

4:48 PM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment