Gender: Male
Status: Single
Age: 28
Sign: Leo
City: Moorpark? Serious?
State: California
Country: US
Signup Date:
10/10/04
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Tuesday, January 15, 2008
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Memoirs of a manchild...
Current mood:  froggy
Category: News and Politics
I've had a lot of time to rummage through my brain as of late, and I came across this interesting snippet of my life.
For a creative writing assignment in my 7th grade English class, I wrote a short story titled, "The Dragon". The story centered around a boy named Simon.
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Simon was always fascinated by the tales his father spun about how he survived an encounter with the dreaded dragon that lived atop Mount Silver. Simon proclaimed that he would one day slay the dragon, and would rid the land of this terror.
One day, Simon, on one of his many adventures, wandered along a beaten path deep into the forest. He was good and lost when all of a sudden a dark figure appeared before him. It was the Black Knight!
The Black Knight, atop his wild horse, was a horror to behold. He donned a nightmarish horned helm and black armor. Before Simon could discern if this was man or monster, he was assaulted with a ferocious voice, "Tell me how to find the dragon! There's no time to waste!"
Simon, draped in fear, fell to the ground and pointed to the mountain top which was barely visible above the trees. The Black Knight stormed off in a hurry. Simon, having never experienced such dread, pushed himself against a tree, and cried and cried.
Simon cried for what seemed like days, but was certainly only minutes. Suddenly, a man's voice called out to Simon.
"Do you know these lands, child?"
The voice was friendly, and Simon felt it was safe to gaze upon the man. Simon saw before him a man draped in glinting white armor. It was the White Knight atop his beautiful white horse. Simon's crying must have drowned out the sound of the approaching horse.
The White Knight boomed with his majestic voice, "Do you know where to find the dragon, boy?"
Simon, pushing back the last of his tears, pointed again to the mountain top above the trees. Simon warned the White Knight about his previous encounter. The White Knight was clearly dismayed with the news, but was steady and swift as he rushed off in the direction of the mountain top.
Simon rushed home to tell his father of what happened. When Simon got back to the village, and told his story, his father determined he would help the White Knight. He quickly saddled the horse, grabbed Simon, and rushed off to the mountain top.
When Simon and his father arrived to the dragon's roost atop the mountain, they witnessed the White Knight and Black Knight locked in fierce battle. The dragon was nowhere to be seen.
Simon's father quickly set Simon on the ground, then leapt off the horse. He then found the largest rock he could lift. He was taking aim at the Black Knight, when suddenly the sky turned dark, and a great gust of wind knocked him over. The dragon had returned.
The dragon swooped in and, without any effort, swallowed the White Knight whole. Both Simon and his father could not believe what had just happened. They both fell to the ground, crushed by this turn of events.
The Black Knight turned his sights on Simon and his father, and began approaching them. The dragon perched himself on the roost beyond.
After a few steps, the Black Knight removed his helm, to reveal that he was indeed a man, a handsome man, a powerful man. When he arrived in front of Simon, he reached his hand out in support.
"I would like to thank you for helping me, child" said the knight as he lifted Simon to his feet. "I got word of the White Knight's plan, and had to hurry here to warn my friend that the White Knight was coming to slay him. We devised this battle plan shortly before he happened upon us."
"The dragon is your friend?!" gasped Simon.
"All dragon kin are my friends. And they should be yours. They are a very important part of our world. Their wings bring us wind, which helps the forest grow. Their tears form our lakes and rivers. Their fire breath warms our air. They protect these lands from all that wish to harm them" said the knight.
This is when Simon realized that he was wrong all along about the dragon, and the Black Knight. He couldn't even think of a time in which a dragon had attacked his people or his village.
The Black Knight sat atop his horse, and thanked Simon again, and disappeared down the mountain.
Simon would tell his story of how he helped save the great dragon of Mount Silver for years after the event. It's his son's favorite story.
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In retrospect, it was a silly story, written by a silly boy.
The paper, which today is likely hidden away with the Ark of the Covenant in my mother's garage, scored a proud A+++++. Although, I'm sure it won't be winning any awards anytime soon, I'm proud to have been the one to pen it.
I wanted to write a whole commentary on the moral of the story here, but I'm too tired, so it will have to wait until later. Hope you enjoyed the silly story!
3:48 AM
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Sunday, January 13, 2008
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Living in a bubble...
Current mood:  stalked
Category: Art and Photography
Funny story:
For the last week I've been the victim of a bacterial invasion. I'm completely oblivious to how I got this nasty little monster, but I've spent a week solid watching it devour my leg. For anyone wondering, I have a MRSA (Staph) infection. I'm currently fighting the good fight. I'm on antibiotics, and I've sterilized everything in my house. Things are already looking better... I can walk again. I will be seeing a specialist on Wednesday, January 16th. From my conversations with others that have had this infection, I could be free of it in as little as a week. Here's hoping that's the case for me.
Ok so it wasn't a funny story at all. In fact, it was kind of dreadful.
I'll be back soon with an update, and perhaps with a more upbeat blog. You know how I love blogs.
9:58 PM
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Sunday, August 26, 2007
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I make strange bedfellows with myself...
Category: Automotive
Hello, anonymous reader.
Time for some more bitter-much rantings:
The creators of John from Cincinnati owe me 10 hours.
If I could go back in time to change one thing about my life, I would bring myself a TiVo.
I dream about monsters and murder. I always wake up thinking how great that dream would have been as a movie. 10 minutes later, I realize I'm a moron.
Flight of the Conchords and Entourage stand alone as my reason for having cable.
Flippant is my favorite word (until I can think of a better one).
The main ingredient in Shasta has to be the collective nightmares of orphaned children.
Having never seen his stage act before, I was thoroughly agog when I saw that Bob Saget was going to have an HBO special. Within mere seconds of tuning in, Bob was already making derogatory Dave Coulier references. It only took another 8 seconds before he made reference to Kimmy and the Olsen Twins. Now, don't get me wrong. I can appreciate a good child molestation joke as much as the next twisted fuck, but I was over the "I played Mr. Tanner" gag before he even said it (which happened about 3 seconds later). His act was full of fuck and I hate myself. I watched for as long as my masochistic mind could stand it, which was about 3 minutes (or approximately 49 Full House jokes).
Every time I wear board shorts in public, I'm annoyed that I have no place to put my wallet.
Hot Fuzz, Stardust, and Superbad renewed my faith in humanity (somewhat).
I love watching/listening to people argue. I get more pleasure in it when stuff gets broken.
I like to act naive. People are always so much easier to deal with when they think you're an idiot.
Quiet people are boring. Loud people are annoying.
Secrets are never good.
Honest people can't be trusted.
It always takes me considerably less time to deal with the cashier than it does for the person ahead of me in line, especially when I'm purchasing more than that person.
People that drive slow scare me.
Every girl I've never dated thinks I make the perfect boyfriend.
My name spoken aloud drains me of my life force.
Young British girls scare me.
"You just need to break the cycle" is the easiest advice not to follow.
As a child, I was taught what's right and proper; What's polite and kind; What's good and bad. I've learned as an adult that I was the only one taught these things.
My ideas are better than yours.
The person that ordered their coffee after you, is the person that you're going to have to push out of the way when your order comes up.
The electric guitar is one of the ugliest sounds in music, and I'm pretty sure I'm the only person in my demographic that's ever said that.
Seduction is the act of telling the right lies.
I feel sexually gratified every time I step out of my car.
When looking to get a promotion, getting the job done isn't as important as showing up on time.
I should be able to call the cops on neighbors that think I'm being too loud (for disturbing my peace).
I have a hard enough time hearing people on my cell phone when I'm in a quiet place, but people have this great tendency to only call me when I'm at a concert, or in a loud bar.
The more money I make, the less money I have in my bank account.
I insist that the plural for a PC mouse is mouses.
11:46 PM
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Saturday, August 11, 2007
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My animatronic theater troupe...
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
Some of you may have noticed the absolutely fantastic YouTube video I have posted on my page this week. Watching this video inspired me to do in kind.
Mason and I talked at length about what it would be like to have our very own animatronic band. The conversation got out of hand, and before I knew it I was looking everywhere on the net to find out how to purchase these fantastic machines. While I was on this grand journey, I realized that this idea could be bigger than just a band!
I propose to you my Animatronic Theater Troupe!
The players:
Brown Bear - Self-loathing/Self-disparaging. Wants nothing more than to end the charade of "life". Hates the Penguin.
Penguin - Super bubbly. Could not be more oblivious or happy about life.
Badger - Perpetually angry. Can't believe the state of the world.
Hyena - Generally "off". Has several types of social disorders. Carries a hand puppet
Drive-thru Intercom - Believes himself to be alive. Thinks his animal friends are conspiring against him.
Now, you might be wondering... what exactly would you do with an Animatronic Theater Troupe? Too easy! We'd have them perform our favorite scenes from Swingers or Scarface!
This is just the beginning.
4:46 PM
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Sunday, May 13, 2007
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Life quotes (updated once in a blue moon)...
Current mood:  awake
Category: Life
The contents of this blog are rated NC-17. If you're younger than 17, what the fuck are you doing on my page anyway?
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THINGS SAID BY ME:
Carrot cake, if done right, is exactly like having sex with a cake
I mask my dread with a coy laugh
Zack: If your cock is in her mouth what are you going to put in her ass
Sean: my matchbox cars?
Zack: which ones
Sean: the ones that aren't actually modeled after real cars
Predictable is boring. Unpredictable is infuriating.
I swim in the shallow end of a very deep pool
I read this book on success once and it kept saying, "these are just stories"
"I will never tell you the truth you are looking for"
"hopefully, you just find it for yourself"
and the first thing that jumped out at me, and was ironically the truth of it all
the truth to success, as written by this man, is to write a book about success
Arguing religious fact is like arguing over which smurf is the green one
I don't want to be idolized
I want to be used as an outlet for sexual frustration
They have phones on airplanes now... You hear about this?
I came rolling out of my mom just for you
that's why the doctor slapped me
Llana: well.. in your favorite song of mine, "something bout them bees" I say at one point... "Blue skies emphasize my blues, and graveyard mud may comfort me. Touch the stones and feel imperfect creases, then bring some spirits home.."
Llana: I wrote that one night when I got back from a cemetary in my hometown that was established in the 1600's
Llana: I love touching those graves
Llana: they feel so cold and rough.. and I can feel energy in them
Sean: you smoke a lot of pot
Sean: I mean...
Sean: deep
NOTE TO SELF: Send Matt Schembari those pics of monkey porn
I remember this rule when buying stuff... Buy cheap. Buy twice.
I plan on putting up some of my poems soon, too. Yeah yeah. Poetry. How very lame. Indeed, it is what people do when they haven't the capacity to write a song, the imagination to write a story, the dedication to write a movie script, or the talent to draw a picture. I assure you I can do all those things, but poetry is so much easier. I mean, just throw in a couple words like 'dreams', 'seems', 'mirror', 'fear', 'pain', 'rain', 'death', and 'orange', and you've got yourself a poem! In fact, this paragraph is so clever, I will write something very similar to it as my opener for the poetry.
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THINGS NOT SAID BY ME:
Sam: It's a pretty lame process... that whole egg thing
Dave F: Patti said people were bitching to her about me being late.
Dave F: So, much like high school, I'm going to call in sick rather than be late again.
(Classic IM moment)
Pam: waxed my box
Pam: oops wrong window
(After quoting an essay from some guy named Peter Nguyen) Sean: like all black youth, Jimmy joined a gang Mason: ::eyebrows:: i want to meet peter nguyen he is probably pretty cool. hahaha wait NOT because of the black youth comment!!! there was a temporal pause and implied end of subject there, just for the gmail record
I've got a prophetic memory. I can remember tomorrow like it was yesterday
Sean: My least favorite thing about working an all-nighter is when people come into work in the morning all clean and refreshed.
Mason: I know, right? At least have the courtesy to not shower.
Aaron: Dude. I'm so backed up right now, I feel like my dick is gonna shit
David: you should give me a scarf or some other article of clothing she owns so that i can catalogue her scent signature... just in case she goes renegade
Sean: Fandango is dead at the moment
Zack: Kind of like how you are to me
Zack: i DON'T KNOW WHY BUT FOR SOME REASON AT THIS VERY MOMENT i WANT TO CALL YOU A DIRTY SHEEP FUCKER
Zack: sorry for caps
10:13 AM
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Monday, September 25, 2006
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Seriously, I'm not bitter...
Current mood:  chipper
Category: Writing and Poetry
In the words of my roommate.... "That is gaaaaaay." Enjoy!
Romance
It's a clever manipulation.
A sleight-of-hand masterpiece.
Crafty words and skilled execution.
Cowardice veiled in convoluted ramblings.
Move this verb,
Replace that noun.
Insert some rage,
Supplement with sadness.
It's just so easy.
Be vague, be whimsical,
Convince them you're different,
And broken in a beautiful way.
Forget the truth,
Ignore the facts,
Hide your intentions,
Wear your best pants.
With cunning trickery,
You will gain passage...
Topple these arbitrary barriers,
Penetrate the wounded center.
Then shattered souls will commiserate.
The "normals" are all so ugly.
Look at them, in their confused interactions.
How could they possibly understand this feeling?
Congratulations. This isn't love.
10 Paces
I walk 10 paces...
At 2 paces I break into sweat
At 3 I think about what I'm doing
At 4 I breathe
At 5 I take notice of my surroundings
At 6 I forget them
At 7 I think about her
At 8 I think about him
At 9 I think about me
At 10 I realize who I am
At 10 I pull the trigger
4:03 AM
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Tuesday, June 06, 2006
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Steve conjures up some donuts...
Current mood:  contemplative
Category: Life
I was digging through ye' old archives again and found this old chat with a buddy. I had it bad for some donuts and coffee that day (as is the case most days). And yes, I know how much of a dork I am...
Steve (Back up in your ass with the resurrection) says:
poof!
Steve (Back up in your ass with the resurrection) says:
did that work?
Sean W (I want Donuts and Coffee - Make it happen) says:
exactly
Sean W (I want Donuts and Coffee - Make it happen) says:
no donuts
Steve (Back up in your ass with the resurrection) says:
damn
Sean W (I want Donuts and Coffee - Make it happen) says:
I smell coffee though
Steve (Back up in your ass with the resurrection) says:
let me try again
Steve (Back up in your ass with the resurrection) says:
POOF!
Steve (Back up in your ass with the resurrection) says:
that work?
Sean W (I want Donuts and Coffee - Make it happen) says:
I'm looking around, but I don't see any donuts
Steve (Back up in your ass with the resurrection) says:
damn.
Sean W (I want Donuts and Coffee - Make it happen) says:
where'd you put em?
Steve (Back up in your ass with the resurrection) says:
i got nothing
Steve (Back up in your ass with the resurrection) says:
lol
Sean W (I want Donuts and Coffee - Make it happen) says:
you sure you got the right place in mind?
Steve (Back up in your ass with the resurrection) says:
hmm
Steve (Back up in your ass with the resurrection) says:
shit
Sean W (I want Donuts and Coffee - Make it happen) says:
try again
Sean W (I want Donuts and Coffee - Make it happen) says:
I bet some lucky schlub is eating all those donuts you just conjured
Sean W (I want Donuts and Coffee - Make it happen) says:
bastard
Steve (Back up in your ass with the resurrection) says:
PoOoOoOoOoOoOOF!
Steve (Back up in your ass with the resurrection) says:
W00T!
Sean W (I want Donuts and Coffee - Make it happen) says:
I think you just cast "Gay II" on yourself
Sean W (I want Donuts and Coffee - Make it happen) says:
hehehe
Steve (Back up in your ass with the resurrection) says:
ive got donuts!
Sean W (I want Donuts and Coffee - Make it happen) says:
you bastard!!!
Steve (Back up in your ass with the resurrection) says:
mmm
Steve (Back up in your ass with the resurrection) says:
warm toasty donuts
Sean W (I want Donuts and Coffee - Make it happen) says:
noooooooOOO!
Steve (Back up in your ass with the resurrection) says:
lol
Sean W (I want Donuts and Coffee - Make it happen) says:
but do you gots coffee?
Steve (Back up in your ass with the resurrection) says:
SHIiiiiiiiiit!
Sean W (I want Donuts and Coffee - Make it happen) says:
hahaha
Sean W (I want Donuts and Coffee - Make it happen) says:
sucker!
Steve (Back up in your ass with the resurrection) says:
i always screw something up
1:42 AM
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Friday, July 15, 2005
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When the lights go down in the city...
Current mood:  crazy
Found this story in one of my old emails. Felt the need to share it. I think it pretty much details a normal day at work:
So, I walk into my office and start singing, "When the lights go down in the city". About 3 minutes later, I hear an office-mate whistle the first 3 notes to the song. He screams out, "Thanks Sean!", and then gets up to leave the office. On his way out, he tells me, "When I get back, I'm going to stick my penis in your ear".
Right after he leaves, our HR guy walks in, and I ask him if that qualified for sexual harassment. He responds with, "Yeah, but he could have easily said something worse. On a scale from 1 to 10, the 'ear' is probably a 2."
3:10 PM
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