Chasing Cool

So, I've been thinking a lot about my crazy quest for "cool."  I know, some of you are thinking, "Shannon, you're really not that cool."  And the truth is, I probably wouldn't argue.  Some of you are probably thinking, "What in the world is she even talking about."  I just think we live in this society where we are constantly chasing cool.  And, I'm not just talking about what is hip or brand new.  Sometimes "cool" is this state of mind, this kind of "I'm cool, nothing really bothers me, I am more enlightened than others, I don't care what everyone else thinks," mentality.  This is the "cool" that I chase.  And the thing I'm discovering is that what I really want is for people to think that I'm not afraid, when the truth is that I am absolutely terrified.  It allows me to keep people at a distance and believe that they are admiring my very "cool" nature from afar.  And the thing is, is that I'm really just missing the joy of being known.   Behind the facade is a girl who cares about what people think, who wishes she were pretty, who wants to be the best, who is  highly sensitive, but more than anything wants to be loved in spite of all of her shortcomings.  This is not necassarily a new discovery, though.  The thing that is new is that I'm starting to feel God giving me grace to come out of this box.  I have to confess that it's really hard to let go of the masks that have made me feel comfortable with others for a million years.  But, I want to.  And, this is what being "real" is.  It's not saying, "yeah, I these are my struggles, you can take me or leave me," but instead saying, "these are my struggles, I need people like you in my life to help me live a more loving, fruitful life."  The thing I find when I allow myself to be known is this very warm, peaceful, restful place with people.  I think this must be what true friendship, and healthy relationships are built from. I'm not always thinking about what I'm going to say next so that I'll still be part of the dynamic and people will always want me around.  I'm just there, giving a little of me and recieving a little of them.  It's a process no doubt, but I am encouraged to feel that I have sent my little "cool" box out to sea and by the grace of God am watching it drift further and further away from my everyday habits of relating. 

1:48 PM - 5 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Christmas and Everything That Comes With It

What is it about Christmas time that makes life feel so crazy?  Is this what it's supposed to be?  Is this what peace on earth is supposed to be?  I overslept an hour for work today and I really think it was because I was just absolutely exhausted from the holiday madness.  The thing is, is that I'm not doing anyhing that I haven't chosen and mostly, things that I want to do.  And no, this isn't one of those Hallmark movie moments where we all learn the real meaning of Christmas, although I do enjoy a number of Hallmark movies.  Call me girly or sappy, I'm guilty of both.  Nevertheless, while in church on Sunday, my mind began to toil.  I began to toil over what is so special about this time of year, that I should do more, be more mindful of Christ, of the poor, of my own sinfulness.  Should I be more aware of the wonderful gift on this day any more than any other day of the week?  I've thought about this a lot for the past couple of days and then I remembered the verse from Luke, "Glory to God in the Highest and peace on earth toward men of good will."  What does peace on earth mean?  I've been rolling that one over for a good couple of days as well.  And then, something occured to me.  May be it's like this pause that I'm taking in life.  A pause to think on things eternal.  I might think on the middle east, and the hungry, and the lonely.  I might think on the oppressed and the sick.  I'll most likely think on my own struggles with fear, rejection, and selfishness.  But, I will pause to remember that they won't last forever.  I will pause to remember that my faith warrants a belief that better things are to come.  That there will be "peace in the middle east," that no one will be hungry, lonely, sick, or poor and that I won't be afraid, rejected or selfish any more.  I will pause to remember that the God that I love is good and loving in spite of what dark things are in front of me now.  I hope for a moment in the day, apart from my loud, crazy relatives, apart from the pressure of gift exchanges, apart from all of the "hustle and bustle", to slip away and take a pause.  I hope for a pause to give glory to God in the Highest and to know that I can be at peace with all that goes on in the world because of Christ's birth and resurrection.  And, so I hope the same for all of you.  I hope for a moment, for a pause in life apart from your crazy relatives, and pressures, to think on things that matter, to think on things eternal, and to know "Peace on earth."      

7:35 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Songwriting Breakthroughs

So I have been in this songwriting funk.  My mom used to say that when I started writing from my heart, I would write my best stuff.  I think that proves to be true.  However, the past few months I have been writing some really lousy stuff.  That is until about a week ago.  I realized that I was trying to keep writing from the same place that I was in a couple of years ago and the fact is that, as all living creatures do, I have grown.  So, I decided to tap a new well and I am finding that I am wriitng even better stuff than before.  Previously, I was most likely to tap into heartache and love unrequited but those days have disappeared and I find my inner stirrings deal a bit more directly with the state of my heart toward God and other people.  I think that I have been afraid to tap into that part of myself for fear that I may be labled as a certain type of musician, but I'm so tired of being afraid of what other people think all the time.  And so, I am choosing to embrace my growth and write again from my heart. 

11:29 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

So, I thought I'd try this blog thing

Okay, so I thought I'd try this blog thing out.  Being a songwriter, you would think that placing my thoughts out there for all to see would not seem such a vulnerability.   I think I have always thought that I could somehow hide between the melodies, my guitar, and my voice.  So, in challenging myself I thought I would share some of my recent thoughts on life and such. I keep thinking about this song, "The Shadow Proves the Sunshine" by Switchfoot.  (Hold the "pop" bashing for just a moment, I too was a naysayer until a friend encouraged me to pay closer attention to the lyrics.)  I just can't get past it.  I am again reminded and moved toward God by the very idea that although life can be rather treacherous, it is that very treachery that shows me that God is real.  Were life not hard, were I not sinful, I would probably not look for God, and whether or not He were there, I probably would not see Him.  What can I say, I am a sucker for these natural analogies.  I feel like that particular lyric is a coin that I could turn over a million different times and find deep value in. 

3:41 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment