Otis, the rain and the salty breeze
Current mood: crushed
Category: Life

Today it's Otis, me and the rain.  I could not think of a more perfect setting for a day such as this.  The theme of the sky is colored in a hazy shade of gray.  The leaves are stuck in the in-between state.  A land of their own confusion I suppose.  Green and erect stand some.  Others are slowly wilting with shades of orange and yellow fluttering in the strength of a cool winter wind.

Then there are others that are barely hanging on.  Already the life that once vibrated through them has been drained and struggle as they may, though still there, you can see the will to hold on slowly drain away.

 There are some that will go in style.  Vibrant shades of red, bold and shining upon their once supple skin littering the midmorning winter sky as they boldly soar to new heights.  To leave a life they once knew, without fear of consequence, just floating further and higher into a new reality.  Unafraid to let go.

Life is always and ever changing.  I'm not sure when we learn this lesson, but we all know it.  Most days we just mindlessly flow through our day unafraid, or more possibly, unaware. 

Then there are those days we feel all of what has changed.  All of what we've lost, passed by or let go of come flooding into the senses, the moment we are mindless no more. 

For some I imagine that there is much happiness at how their life events have unfolded.  Maybe they are grateful for the opportunities that have come because of the paths they've chosen to pass by.  I imagine the water that floods their senses is clear with a scent of a fresh crisp air that follows in its wake.   I wonder how it feels for them to watch the rushing of the wave's crash upon the rocks.  Is there joy in seeing the once strong rush of pure crystalline liquid dissipate?  Is there a sense of fullness even though something, once strong and beautiful, has faded? 

What of the waves that promised much?  What happens to the child who sat expectantly upon the shores as it approached watching it swell and grow, the anticipated excitement, overtaking the senses, and the child stands, breathless, waiting?  Forever, just waiting.  Never to know the sound of the crashing on the rocks or taste the salt sprayed upon their lips or smell the sweet of a realized expectation. 

Do they sit as I do?  Just staring out a window into a world of beauty that always seems just beyond their reach?  Is Otis their companion and the rain their solace?    

Sometimes there is a reason to smile.  Sometimes when I close my eyes and remember the shore, with this winter wind caressing my face, sometimes I can taste the salt in the air and remember the exhilaration that floods the senses when, in my heart, I hear the wave crashing down. 

Just once I wish to be standing in the wake of the wave as she breaks and share in freedom of it all.  Just once to fly free with bold colors and go wherever it is that the wind would carry me, further, higher and unafraid.  How beautiful it would be to smile as I watch her crash and not think of to what is missed but of the next wave to come.

Currently listening : Dreams To Remember: The Legacy of Otis Redding Release date: 18 September, 2007

7:10 AM - 20 Comments - 20 Kudos - Add Comment

A SOLIDER COMES HOME!!!!
Current mood: bouncy
Category: Religion and Philosophy

The day has come it's finally here,

   With anticipation and breathlessness the time draws near!

 Eighteen months have come and S L O W L Y gone,

   There were times I feared we'd never sing this particular song.

Now it's time to say hello,

    To the solider boy we used to know!

For boy no longer in he resides,

    He's fought the battle on distant shores, for our side.

Much time has come that I did wonder

   His feelings, while attitude of country's gone asunder?

Many days his family worried this day would not come,

    Breathlessly waiting the setting of sun!

Anger, sadness, worry and tears,

    Till the ring of the phone and his voice they did hear!

Survived did he, through bombs and grenades!

   In minutes, not hours, he'll be here this day!

The Goddess has blessed us and God we do praise,

   Another solider comes home!  He'll be here this day!

          © Shannon LaVonne Keigher

"……And now, the rest of the story….."  O' you know I couldn't help it!  LOL

     Today is a day to be celebrated!  Now everyday should be celebrated, enjoyed and lived to the fullest!  But, there are those days, those once in a lifetime-going to change the sands of time- REMARKABLE days!  And this friend, this is one of those days.  Not just for me.  Not just for my TURNER family.  For all of us!

     For all of us who've lost a member of our family to an overseas war, to any war, today we celebrate!  For those soldiers who, to this day, still remain MIA (missing in action), TODAY WE CELEBRATE.  For all those who've had someone return, changed, not who you once knew, never to be the same, THIS DAY we celebrate.

    For the past three days there has been much chaos, not just at my house, but in every breath of air, every whirlwind of dust, every spark of energy that surrounds my dear "fishy" friend!  You cannot help but be infected but such an activity!  Eventually some of the happy sand gets in your eyes and you squeeze out a tear or two….uhhh just to clear the eye sockets of course. 

     Seriously, because you have seen the struggles of a family over an entire year and a half!  You can't but think that this moment is yours to enjoy as well.  I spent time contemplating this and that's when it struck me.  THIS IS OUR DAY!  OUR CELEBRATION!  Not just myself and my family's extended joy, but all of us.  U.S. citizens joined together, military veterans, friends or family members of such!  As a public we all our bombarded with fluffed up negative stories of what goes on overseas and who has died or what has recently happened.  Being informed and intellectual patriots that we are, we know that what really happens is tempered in the media and subsumed beneath "breaking stories" that promise much and deliver nothing!

     So this day belongs to us!  MY NEWS I'M PROUD TO SHARE (if you've not yet guessed on your own) THIS DAY A SOLDIER COMES HOME!!!

He is alive!  His family for a few moments still will wait with anticipation, mixed emotions flooding their senses.  Tears randomly spilling their cheeks as flashes of what's changed and what's been missed speed quickly through their conscious.  Smiles and loud outbreaks of laughter that burst forth, for what appears no particular reason, and startles people surrounding them to STOP and take notice, then walk off in their day thinking how "weird" that was, some stranger just haphazardly bursts out with belly shaking chuckles! 

     With such frenzy you may wonder what runs through the hours of the previous day.

     There were nails to be done and errands to run.  "What about this shirt or does this one look better?"  Shoes to scrutinize as we wade through pounds of jewelry, looking for the perfect accessories!  New hair do-dad's to purchase and style decisions to make, and practice and reexamine.  Now of course I did my part to try and remind our dear wife lady, "it's not what you wear; it's what's in your heart!"  Still, so much time has come and gone that the nervous energy of it all must be honed in somewhere.  Each moment I've helped make a decision or quiet the kids, or just be that comfort that whispers "no worries," I realized that their moment has become ours.  One my heart swells with as I share!  So now I put it to you so you too can share in some HAPPY NEWS!

     I've listened to words and thoughts spill forth at top breaking speeds and in my minds eye wondered "if this were superman, here's where we insert the whole 'faster than a speeding bullet' line!"    All I can say, my dears, is you'd imagine that this particular soldier was royalty himself, or possibly the president approaching! 

     Then there are tears.  The kind that spill forth from relief.  The kind that express deep emotion that could never be put into words!  And in the deepest realm of my soul I realize, he IS royalty and a "president" in his own right!  He is everything to the family who loves him so.

     This day, a few hours short away, a soldier comes home! 

     There are many battles yet to be fought on battlefields we've yet to conceive.  There has been and always shall be wars.  It is the way of man, unless there is a change deep within our God given soul, there will always be wars.  Casualties cannot be avoided.

     BUT THIS DAY A SOLDIER COMES HOME!  And it should be cause to celebrate for us all! 

Praise Allah, Yahwey, I AM, Our Lord and Savior, God, Goddess, the Supreme Being, however you want to see it and by whatever name!!!! Every moment is precious but there are very few that stand out and beseech (be it so subtly) recognition.  AND THIS, MY FRIENDS, IS THAT DAY!!!!

WELCOME HOME BOOBY (Bobby)!  WE LOVE YOU BRAH!

5:53 AM - 21 Comments - 30 Kudos - Add Comment

Today it’s all about YOU!!!
Current mood: anxious
Category: Religion and Philosophy

Today it's all about YOU!!!

Though I've not written in quite some time (and I know, I know, even longer than that some of you are telling me), I've never left.  There have been more days than I'd attempt to count where thoughts of each and every one of you have pervaded the limitless bounds of my mind.  Even more where my heart has reached out to you in hopes that you'd hear my call and know….I'm still here.

Today is about you.  Though many days have been about YOU…. Today I laid restless in bed- Hang on now trigger…. We both know I suffer from insomnia; it wasn't that kind of restless.   It was the most amazing fulfilling restless I've felt.  I thought about all the times we spent together through many of blogs written daily,  OUR daily visits.  I was so FULL of YOU.  The happiness you all brought me filled my heart.  The encouragement you offered invaded my senses.  Curiosity of how you've been, where you are now, what you've been up too, how life is unfolding in your side of this "space," and are you still here, those are the thoughts that kept me awake. 

A need to be close to you once again has filled my mind with thousands of questions.  I miss our laughs.  I yearn to once again be an active part of your lives, and you a part of mine.  I even miss the debates.  Though they seemed so few in retrospect, what struck me most was our common bond.

Then it hit me!

What I love more than chocolate!

The desire to write again!

So much has happened and so much more has changed.  For a bit I was frozen.  That moment we all know, too well.  I was stretched.  The way, once again (and yes I know you've been there too) was lost to me.  Or it may have been I'd lost the path.  Then I considered, maybe it was never lost at all.  There is a time for all things under heaven, right?  Now if you had asked me months ago, I'd have told you that I was stretched then and now was reborn.  How little we know while we stand active in a moment.  It's always later that we realize we knew nothing then and it's only now that we have truly learned.  (And soon we'll all look back and think the same now… and that my dear is what life really is.  Always realizing, changing, and shifting, just as the seasons revise, modify, reconstruct and transmute, so must we.  As it should be thus!  You agree?)

Something in my heart, a hurt that clouded my mind, has transitioned.  Once again I am ready to jump feet first into whatever waters, wherever you are, and sit within your glowing presence and share your lives!  So today is about you!  And again we'll sail upon shores that we have yet to imagine!

How is my Shannon and her schooling? 

What is new in the "spooky" life of my dear Nina Pirate?

How is my Seumas?  The Highlander games were put off for work… or will there be another chance to attend?  And how is the job?

My Way Ministries…. I share your compassion for our blogger Babe.  How tragic and surprising…. I found it such a comfort to see you're amazing loving face on her page and so miss hearing from you on mine!  How are the Ministries?  Any special news? 

My Momma of 2 and tigress, how have you been?  I have so much to share!  Exciting new discoveries on this way of crafting that I'd love to hear your opinion on.  You've been so busy… Has your schedule cleared enough that I can call, or maybe just see your gorgeous face more often.  *You know I miss you fiercely*

Ahhh and dear Rebecca, I've not been by to relish and be uplifted by your amazing words for far too long!  You must tell me which blogs are a must read!!!!!  And I'm still anticipating those brownies!  (And I can so explain where I've been, though it's a sad pathetic story….) Smile on me baby, I miss you so!

How is my Ordained Princess of Poetry?  Would you consider posting some of your magical words on my page to light my way and brighten my day (*holding breath in anticipation*)!!!

And since poetry is on the brain, ROCK I am waiting to be blown away… something amazing that only you can do!  Would you honor me this most amazing YOU day?

Dear Chris….. Why has your name changed to Unwritten?  It is good I hope!  Maybe signifying that there are pages- blank are the best- upon which you are reconstructing your life story and making your own rules!!!!

WHY I OTTER, my PEACEMAKER (who brings my heart so much peace and my life many reasons to smile) and my ALEKS…. All I can say is *insert blush* and how blessed I am that you've given me time to be stretched and still miss me.  Your occasional visits and encouragement helped to fire up my muse and make my fingers itch to share!

Dearest Christie…. Well I just still love your amazing smile and hope to enjoy it more often!  What is new, how have you been, what are you up to?

MiDwAy MaUdE, might I say, you still look mahhhvelous!

Pamela luv, how is your autumn so far?

 My Jayme & Dear Jillian I miss you!  Speak to me!  Anything! 

YOUR ANGEL…. Sexy lips, what more can I say LOL Very yummy

Lance, last we talked, well sexy mud wrestling was on the brain…. See any good matches lately *wink*

Jacquelin luv how is your daughter lately?  And the grandchildren, are they growing too fast?  Developments!  Share dear!  I'm all ears and can't wait to hear!

Cheryl LaVon…. I love that you changed your sign in name to include your middle name (course it could be because we are sooooo close- LaVon & LaVonne… my myspace sister).  How have you been dear?

LeeLee Lewinski, please tell me your baby boy still loves big and juicy hugs!

My Senza!  How is mom?  How are the blogs going?  Oh I'm so sending you a big virtual HUG right now!

My precious BOB…. How have you been?  It's been so long since I've heard from you!  You know I've missed you dearly right?!!!

DEAR JOHN…. OH LORD THERE'S SO MUCH I CAN SAY THAT SOUNDS JUST WRONG ABOUT THAT INTRO…LOL Love the picture dear!  Forgive my naivety, but what on earth are you doing with that uhhh vehicle?  And keep spreading the word darling!

OK NOW WHAT?   I know right?  LOL I haven't seen you on in awhile either…. Where have you been and where are you now? 

Jennyfur… you look so happy and sweet in your picture.  Is life peaceful right now?  You sure do look it.  Wish we could sit for tea and I could just relish in that peace and the sparkle in your eyes!

Ohhh my BECKS… I heard the news and wonder are you as excited as I am?  I want to come to Alaska just to enjoy every moment of it!  We know that factory is out of commission here! 

Jae, I heart you!

San I am: Word

 
Lynette… how's the weather in Cali?  Oh, and the gas prices?  Any better?

Taste the Rainbow… *sigh* you look so in love!  (Or was that like a serious exchange of words that involve, "don't make me…."  LOL Just playing girl!  How have you been?)

Sexy Mama…. Won't you come share a sultry hello?

Tiffany luv, have you remembered to stop and smell the roses lately?

Elly… I hope your listening and ready to share some laughs (and whatever else you feel the need to share hun)!

Pixie…. First off, SOOOOOO hot!  No wonder you're always getting hit on ;-)  I must say I so enjoyed the first part of our Halloween party and was sooo honored to be a recognized guest!  I miss you luv.  Drop me a line and let's talk!

DR JONES how have you been my friend?  Feel free to update us and share!  I can't wait to hear from you.

Stacy, our wicked witch of myspace, I love the dress…. How on earth do you do that with your pictures!  Your one of those ultra talented computer peeps huh?  Man I need some lessons.  When does class start?

Isabelle, my Cinder-Bella, have you smiled today?  Tell me tell me! 

So our Jamie is no longer the great and powerful oz but I see he is now the GREAT AND POWERFUL JAMIE!  Share some power doll!  I need to hear from you!  How've you been babe?

Dr Mickey Quinn… I didn't get my invite in the mail L  Looks like you had an amazing time!  So uhh morning headache?

Phoenix [trying to rise]~ Cool picture, but you had me blown away when you changed it.  I thought I'd lost you off my friends list until one day I stopped by and lo' and behold, there was my gorgeous!

Breezie, is the truck still broke?  And did you ever find out what the heck happened?

Svenja, Jackie, Angie, & Sarah, my dearest- and longest friends (notice I didn't say OLDEST LOL… cause we're so not old…)  Where are you guys?  I miss you so!  *sheds tears*  Okay, well I thought about shedding tears but I'm so not in a "cry" sort of mood!  I love you

Oh  I can't forget my Mand-bear... cause like WHERE IN THE WORLD IS MY MANDA PANDA BEAR??? "Answer the phone, I know that you're home...."

 
Captain Awesome, well you're just freakin awesome! (But you knew that huh?)

Pinky… where you been luv?  I've got some new plans formulated that we must get to immediately!!!!! Wake up man!

Oh and all my kiddos (mine and adopted) I love you!  And love to my fishy....SO what we doin today then?  LOL

Okay I know there are so many more!  Cuss me!  Trust me it will make my day just to know that you are still here too.  With it getting colder out I figure we need to get started on some new blogs and get closer to keep warm!!!!

Sending my love and eager with anticipation!!!!  Come on it's all about YOU!  Can't have a party of YOU without YOU! 

1:09 AM - 78 Comments - 60 Kudos - Add Comment

To dance with fairies, that is the life for me
Current mood: creative
Category: Religion and Philosophy

We all create our own messes in one form or another.  Whether we are aware of what we're doing in the beginning or not, it still goes to say that we have a hand in our own demise. Still there are the few, or who knows, maybe the many, that are brave enough to take their hand away from the jar of destruction and start over, begin anew.

 They say the definition of insanity is to repeat the same behavior and expect different results.  What if you change your behavior?  No more self-defeating thoughts, gone away are the days of worrying what you did wrong in the past and focusing on what lays ahead.  What if you revamp and renew you but the others in your life do not climb on board?

 When in counsel with others, I always know the right things to say to lift them up or put them on the right path.  There is this inner light of wisdom and understanding of human nature that has blessed my soul for as long as I can remember.  I don't need to search for it or even think to tap into it.  It is part of me.  When someone comes to me hurting or lost it steps forward and I can show another where, along the way, they got lost or sidetracked and I know instinctually what they must to do find that right way back to their own happiness.  The choice is ultimately theirs.  They don't always take my advice.  Still, even those that don't feel a sense of peace just knowing that when the time is right they can seek my counsel again and maybe this time have the strength to pull their hand from that jar and move on once and for all.

 This is always easier with others.  Ever noticed that?  We can immediately recognize the hurt in someone else and feel compelled to step up and help!  That of course is a good thing.  It took me a long time to recognize my own self-defeating habits and muster the strength, or maybe it was courage, to step up and move back to that path of light.

 I've walked this path with my maker and those angelic guides that are sent to live life at my side and protect me for sometime.  Honestly, probably my whole life.  I'd argue they were there even when I had fallen to the depths of   despair; I just was too caught up in the dark to give them any recognition.  Still they were there.  God/dess (however you see it) has a way of bringing us back where we need to be and setting us on that road to enlightenment and happiness when we've grown too weak to do it ourselves.  I wonder if Almighty waits upon us with the patience of a saint to get up and do it on our own.   Just as a parent must re-teach and reinstruct a child on how to tie their shoes, and then wait as they stumble over laces, mumble aloud about "bunny ears" or "hold the loop tight, bring the string over…."  Then we wait.  We have to allow them to mess it up on their own many times, each time bringing them one step closer to that final result.  And don't we always step in right before the frustration level has gotten to be too much?  That is how I see my heavenly father and blessed mother.  They wait and hold their omnipotent breath as I try to master the next bump in the road.

 To know you are spiritually loved and protected, provided for, it requires faith.  Travel a difficult road, throw in a dash of faith and what you get is truth.  I've been blessed that I don't need to REMEMBER to have faith; it is a natural part of me.  I don't mind when others ask, "So what if you have this Faith your whole life only to die and find out there's nothing?"  I just smile; of course I do try to answer it in a way they might understand.  For me though, there's never been a question of what if.  I've seen God.  As a child I could hear the voice of my angel, Michael.  I just know.

 Today I ponder, why is it that when I'm about to step into tumultuous waters I worry that my higher power might be on vacation?  It is amazing the power of the mind combined with the strength of the flesh.  If we do not recognize the negative rearing its ugly head, well, we get lost in hesitation and wonder will God remember me and help to carry me through this?  I know the answer should be of course.  Still I let slip that what if this is the time I have to struggle with the laces?

 The antagonist of my life will be headed home from Tennessee this evening.  He'll be here either quite late tonight or very early tomorrow morning.  All the sudden the scent of pungent salt waters fill my senses.  I can hear the increasing strength of white water rushing down a river and crashing hard upon the rocks.  My mind begins to hesitate as I step upon the shore.  Sucking in hard, I practice over and over holding my breath and I count the seconds to see if my lung capacity can hold on longer than last time.  Have you ever noticed that when you try to hold your breath, all the sudden your lungs immediately begin to burn and you can feel them twitch as they fight to expand and contract?  Funny, when you're swimming how it just comes naturally. 

 The past two weeks have been amazing.  The first one was healing.  Initially I took time and care to place balm over the wounds and gaping sores of my heart.  I had to pick carefully through my mind and remove the rubble that collected as the waves slammed me upon the rocks and pushed me further into the grains of sand below.  Time consuming and I hate wasting time!  The effort was worth the final results.  My heart began to lift and I smiled through bruised lips until they were perfectly plump and rosy with laughter.

 That would be week number two!  Laughter and plenty of it!  The children and I had a pillow fight.  That was one of my choice highlights for the past couple weeks.  Even my seventeen year old joined in and she's usually too busy for such childish nonsense.  We baked together, worked in the yard and garden together, oh and we danced!  I mustn't forget that!  The music blared throughout the house.  Booming, thumping and a pounding base beat against the walls threatening to push them beyond their restrictive limits! And we laughed and danced for several hours.  It was the day the air conditioning wasn't working.  How funny that it was blazing hot and we danced with sweat coating our entire epidermis and musical notes of hysteria skipping about the room! 

 For an entire two weeks, there was only one day of raised voices, one!  That is an all time record for this household of many children.  Huh, the thought alone makes my lips pull up at the corner and my spirit want to put on the music again! 

 There is a choice I must make, if it can be called a choice at all.  I could get another job, my car is able to finally move, though barely as the antagonist has returned it in such a condition that the front wheel vibrates furiously if you get over 45 MPH.  Not many people in North Carolina can appreciate a moving vehicle or the driver that keeps it at 45 MPH. Odd finger gestures start flying outside the windows of their rockets on rubber as they fly by.  So I can risk life and limb to drive to work every day and not see my children but once a week for the last couple years they have at home.

 I can continue to stay here and tend to the house and see them everyday.  His job does pay the rent you know.  The rest of us only have to stay out of sight out of mind three days a week when he's around.  With six others of us and limited house space, it seems we've made it a secret game of who can find the most unique or odd places to "hide" during these days he's around.  If we can find a way to suffer through, hold our breath long enough, my novel will be written.  We will have a chance at living a life of uninterrupted pillow fights!  If it's published right away…..

 (Can you see the worry that God/dess has stepped away on vacation looming into my overcast mind, already?)

I guess just this once I had a solution that didn't include standing before the brick wall and preparing to bang my head against it, again, waiting for a different outcome.  Do you imagine if I look at him and repeat, "Old, Alone, Done FOR!"  That he might slip away into the abyss?  Or maybe if we stand before the nursery window, leaving it open of course, would Peter finally come and take us away so that we could do battle with pirates and dance among the fairies? 

5:54 AM - 31 Comments - 30 Kudos - Add Comment

Our Shared game of Mud infested Slip-N-Slides!
Current mood: cheerful
Category: Religion and Philosophy

Repeat after me; "All that I see, everything that surrounds me, the situations I encounter, are all temporal.  None of them real.  Nothing can do me harm for it is but a moment that will surly pass."

 *Deep sigh* Thank God that is out of the way.  I was stuck for a second thinking that today might be ruined because my refrigerator has finally, officially, and completely broke down.  It's been dying for a couple of months.  First the freezer would freeze the mechanisms that run the motor, not on the interior where the ice and other frozen goods were stored mind you.  Then it would go through fazes of increasing loud spells every time the cooling element would click on.  In the beginning it would moan, then creek, and finally the rumbling would sound as if the damn thing was gonna blow!  As of last night it was barely blowing, and this morning, nothing.

 My wee hours were spent making trips back and forth to the freezer that is located under the house.  Like a drone, with little thought, moving things from the fridge to the freezer with one point in mind, save what we have.  In and of itself adds up to not much.  After all the work I've done the past three days, just to make a few meals, there was NO WAY I was willing to loose it all.  Mindlessly, without complaint, I begin to rearrange the placement of everything I'd built.

 Then a thought slowly seeps into the monotone recesses of my mind, "so true to life."  But we'll hit on that after a moment.

 We put so much effort into doing what we must just to survive.  See, for the next ten days I had seventy dollars to buy enough food to feed six people, plus any "adopted" children that would grace our house over the course of these precious days.  Seventy bucks for one person's groceries for a week, I imagine for some, is not much, if enough.  Still God and the Universe are abundant and know what we need and are sure to supply us with everything!  One package of hamburger, a bag of beans, a bag of flour, package of ninety-five cent noodles and a few cans of tomato sauce can equal a few meals. 

 Here I'll show you.  Spend two days cooking the beans.  Cook the hamburger (and hopefully you always keep onions and garlic on hand, mother natures best seasoning)!  Now split the beans into three pots.  One is for chili.  Another will be for vegetarian chili (if you're daughter is anything like mine and decided to swear off meat for, well, until next time she changes her mind).  The last we'll squish all up, smash to pieces, pummel the very recognizable essence out of this third portion (to work off steam and frustration, and of course add a doctor visit for carpal tunnel flare ups) to make refried beans.  The hamburger you can split into three.  One portion will be for the chili, one for the upcoming tacos and burritos and the last to be saved for the spaghetti that will come later.  Then do the old fashion way of formulating home-made tortillas (flour, dash of salt, cut in some shortening that hopefully you still have in the kitchen and roll into thin circular disks, just in case you didn't know…oh you'll have to flip them over a high heated skillet for a few seconds each side, or just lay them straight on the burner, like my Mexican aunt swears by)!  So yes, it is possible.  Just plan on loosing a third to half of your next couple days, keep in mind though, we're talking of survival, so no complaints here!  [If you're wondering of the spaghetti, the noodles, left over tomato sauce and hamburger….oh and flour with water=pancakes for breakfast!]

 With all these Top Chef, gourmet meals, nearly finished and awaiting (another third of my day) to assemble in the cooler, there is no time to waste.  All that is left is just to change their placement (I'll worry for thawing them out later).

 So thus is life.  We invest all this time and effort to do something the hard way (and according to my Mother, I'd have it no other way), put everything into near proper order, think that we are nearly finished and wah-lah….total and complete breakdown. 

 Now to smile in the eye of the storm!  I'd argue that all is not lost.  It just needs to be moved, changed a bit, placed somewhere more appropriate (considering the circumstances and the ulterior consequences if we choose NOT to do as the situation would demand of us)! 

 I wonder if it is not an actual "bad habit" to get lost in the mind frame of, "What NOW?!!"  Or maybe, "Not again…." Or worse still, "Well, nothing else can go wrong."  Maybe we spend too much time looking at greener pastures to realize that, though ours might be momentarily flooded, the landscape holds a beauty and uniqueness that shall bless us, regardless.

 I know, you're thinking "how is a flooded field better than a green pasture?"  Here's a secret that I think shall make you smile, we can have a bloody good mud fight, mud-wrestling and a built in slip-n-slide that would make that greener pasture person blush!  Ha!  And we didn't need to do a thing to have the best time in the history of mud involved sports.  Owhhh, smear the queer football comes to mind!  Who's game?

 It's not always so easy to be mindful of the blessings in our lives.  Most especially when we've spent wasted hours staring at some other guys green fields.  It is still a choice to find the beauty in our own chaos.  (Now you might have to remind me of this later when I realize that my mayonnaise has gone bad because I wasn't sure what to do with it!)

Now again, repeat after me, "Nothing that I see is real!"  I hope you too will find a personal empowerment in that.  It will take effort, and of course some creative vision.  We are all abundantly provided for.  I once heard it said that, "Poverty breeds ingenuity."  Think to the areas in your life where you've once considered yourself poor (in a sense) and make it your own personal, mud infested, slip-n-slide.  Oh and don't forget to invite me!  I can throw a mean curve ball!

Namaste!

Shannon

10:13 PM - 23 Comments - 24 Kudos - Add Comment

The brilliant light of my Everything
Current mood: exanimate
Category: Life

Today I watched as a piece of me slipped further away.  It seems the past year I am more aware of the precious moments of every blessed second that comes, hovers and shortly passes like a brilliant flash of light.  A moment of magnificence that you know was there in all its power and glory, for your eyes are still seeing the blue streaks and dots when your lids lay heavily closed.  For a moment you freeze to relish in that breathtaking grandeur of illuminating iridescence.  Just as quickly as the glow comes it fades and still you wait, breathless.  Hoping, just once more, that its beauty shall shine before you and again you'll suck painfully in a labored bit of atmosphere, all your senses caught up in the glory of thine eyes.

 Just a moment ago I watched her beauty flash before me, glorious, strong, her smile lighting up my life.  Like an angel she alighted into the carriage that was to whisk her to her Cinderella ball.  Breathless I waited in disbelief that once again my star was gone.  My lids lay heavily down as I held tightly to the streaks and dots of blue that danced within my mind.

 You spend your whole life doing what you can to try and make their lives the best that you can muster for the circumstances that you're in.  With each accomplishment and success, I'm told, as a parent, you are to feel pride for you've done your job well.  As they grow, we are to celebrate each step forward.

 So why is it that each step she takes, in my eyes, is one step further from my life?  Ever since my baby girl turned thirteen I've had these inner talks to try and convince myself that soon it would be wise to distance my heart some so it would be easier to let go.  Each major accomplishment you think that you've got it down for you didn't cry this time.  Then, in an instant, a brilliant flash; your sight clears, and you find yourself searching and wondering where they've went. 

 Breathless.  So many times I've waited, breathless.  Then the tears.  No one tells you that no matter how many practice sessions you have in your thoughts or conversations you have with your senses, at the moment they leave, your heart will be pummeled.  Pain will rip within your very core.  Your mind with be wreathing, spiraling into the bottomless pit of lost.  No one tells you.  Blindsided with a flash of light and left in seconds of flashing blue beneath your lids.  That's when you know that a piece of you has once again been ripped away.

 Life goes on, or so they say.  This too shall pass.  But how does life go on, I wonder?  How can that be possible, for she is my life?  She is my everything.  If my everything leaves, am I not left with nothing?

 When I was fifteen my mother sent me away to live with a man I'd not seen but twice in my life; once when I was three and once when I was five.  I lost my identity then.  Before I had worked since forth grade to be the best saxophone player in the band, there were try outs and I made it to the best band in the state!  I had met the first "love" of my life.  I was working my first "real" job.  For the first time I was participating in extra school activities, with the wrestlers and on the track team.  In an instant, without my input, I was sent away to live in a state I knew very little about and with a father, of whom I knew even less. 

 The poor man had no clue what to do with a fifteen year old, grown and ready made daughter.  He had just got out of prison himself and was just starting his own life.  Within a year everything fell apart.  He was moving out and I was alone in an apartment.

 That's when I met my first husband.  Though we were not to be, this introduction served a purpose.  I had lost everything.   In need of something "real" I fell into his arms.  In nine months she fell into mine.

 Just when I thought I had nothing to live for, nothing to hope for, no family to turn to, God gave me everything.  I have cherished every moment.  Every smile, every tear and even every disagreement serve to remind me, each day, that God gave me everything.  Even when I've pondered for a moment on how my life still seems to have collected nothing, then a flash, a smile and I am the richest person I know!

 Today my everything went to the prom.  She sparkled with a beauty more profound than any words could ever describe.  "She's so grown up," kept ringing through my mind.  Yet, even as a "grown up" I relish in the fact that she has spent more time as a child then I ever knew.  Why isn't that thought enough for my heart?  Why do I wish still that she was small and I was her everything?

 I know forever her star shall shine brightly and blind others who were blessed to have stood in her presence, if even for one breathless moment.  Still, I cannot stop these selfish tears from falling.  What I would give to keep her brilliance all to myself forever and for always.

 One year is all I have left.  A year goes so fast.  Though I've searched this world and the next, I've yet to find a way to stretch a year to last forever.  I would give all I have, which without her is not much, to hold that star in my hand and stare at it's brilliance for as long as I live.

 Today I watched a piece of me slip further away and I wonder, without her if my heart shall die.  For surely it crushes to fragmented blue without her to hold.  In all of my life, all I've know of love, in her presence I've known it true.    Where would I go?  Without my best friend at my side, who am I alone?  What purpose is there?  What do I do?

5:40 PM - 26 Comments - 28 Kudos - Add Comment

The Pernicious Heart of Battle
Current mood: discontent
Category: Religion and Philosophy

When things are going difficult in life, I hide.  There is an inner dark and quiet well that I sit within inside my mind and just wait for the storm to blow over.  It's not an avoidance tactic; it's my way of having a bit of control in the mist of chaos.  This well is located in the center of the storm and serves as a fortress from where I can step up and do battle and crouch down behind the solid walls and wait out the arrows whooshing at top speed overhead. 

 Sometimes the battle is so tense and the arrows so close that even my armor has been pierced and my inner heart swells and aches from the blows.  Deeper down the well I hunker, in the darkest spot, where the air is scarce and the atmosphere damp and thin.  I close my eyes and just focus on trying to breathe.  Here is where the Spirit becomes languid and the soul sits in quiet void.  To help us survive they take a back burner in the name of human preservation and wait, so that we can remember how to breathe.

 Once you've discovered the magic of a selfless life and living in flow with the universe remembering how to be human, if only for a moment, becomes a challenge that you're not so quick to take on once again.  It's here where I focus on the basics.  What do I need to do to keep my mind in order?  How do I protect the children from the destruction and damage of the storm?  How do we get away? 

 Though the darkness of this inner cave can bring comforts and the illusion of necessity for survival, it is a lonely place.  You can become disillusioned by the solitude and feel that you are alone and there is no one around, no place to move forward to, not a soul to share in the journey with. 

 A life lesson I was force fed at a very early age is, "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all."  It of course can be seen as negative and its actions not serving to help you out of the cave of your own.  Though I'll not argue the value of such a saying for there is positives on both sides of the fence.  This is a world where far too many people value they're own thoughts, words, desires and demands above all else.  They are willing to harm and even kill and all because they feel that no one gave them their just due!  Maybe if they had been taught to remain quiet and deal with their own issues on their own, there would be less violence, less ecological destruction, fewer people killed in the name of some thoughtless bloke who felt that life had dealt him a shoddy hand. 

 For my friends who have written me with concerns for my absence, and my readers who look forward to my writings, I apologize for hiding in a cave of sorts.  I have a really hard time with the "woe is me" card and the intentional seeking of pity from others.  I don't need it to feel better about my horrid situations.  On my visits to the cave, of course I wish for love and upliftment, but my thoughts focus on one goal, how to survive this current barrage?  If you find yourself stuck with the death card, know that it only means a death of something that is current, outdated, a time to move on to something else.  It stands for a new beginning.  First though, something must be set free.  First we have to figure out what is the old it warns us of and figure out how we'll step beyond to find the new. 

 For the moment, and a long moment it's been, I find myself trapped within a calamitous war zone.  Through the past few battles, I've been able to wrap my arms around my babies and shelter them from the blows, I realize now they've grown far too big for my loving arms to wrap around all five of them.  I see them at my sides holding their own bows and arrows, drawing their swords ready to take on these hateful circumstances that are surrounding the fortress.  I'm not alone.  Still I look to them and see that they too have scars, their wounds are deep, and I wonder, life long?  So I fight on the outside with these strong amazing people of my womb.  In my heart I ache for the cicatrices that mar their precious souls and I battle within with the enemy of blame and how it is that I am here again and why I did not do a better job of keeping them safe? 

 The choices I made to keep them "safe" and provide them with survival are the very choices that robbed their innocence.  They are now warriors at my side.  If I could stand on pride that foundation would be indestructible. 

 The war rages around us and we push forward.  Still, inside, my heart is broken for the youthful babes who have found it necessary to take up the arrows of determination, the swords of defense and to grow up overnight to pull together to help.  When did I stop protecting them and when did they start protecting me?

 Sometimes, when you're stuck in the heart of the battle, you do not look for the life beyond.  You're only thought is to make it out of the line of fire alive. 

8:24 AM - 45 Comments - 40 Kudos - Add Comment

What do you do when every grape in the bunch turns out to be sour?
Current mood: pissed off
Category: News and Politics

Have you ever noticed that the price of grapes is slowly and astronomically climbing just as high as the quick, yet none to subtle, prices of gas?  Let's see, gas is now (well as of yesterday anyway, who knows as it continues to skyrocket and reach new and amazing soaring heights on a daily basis) $2.57 a gallon, and that's the cheapest I've seen it.  It seems that the average station is offering its liquid gold at about $2.62 a gallon.  The last bunch of grapes I saw were being advertised, with big and bold smiley faced "roll back" price of about $2.25 a pound. 

 Here's what gets me, that's about a half hours wage of the average persons minimum pay.  Now who's ever bought a bunch of grapes that tops the scales at exactly a pound?  Nope, it's always more than a pound.  So if your average bunch of grapes is two and a half pounds, well now you've just worked for an hour just to buy grapes.  If your family is as large as mine then you're working what two hours for just grapes.  (HA!  *holds sign that reads will work for grapes*)

 Now consider for a moment that, with exception of the singular cheap canned food store, the small bag of flour or box of baking soda, most items in the store these days run into the $2ish range, then we're working (on minimal average) about an hour per item we buy at the store.  That is, after we take out regular cuts of meat, tomatoes (the red gold of the grocery store) and toilet paper.  We all know these things require a few more labor dollars because of their minimum supply…..yeah I don't know, you tell me?

 So my mind gets to contemplating this.  The least amount of items I've ever left the Wally World with was 10.  Something about that place insists on the purchase of ten or more things.  Ever noticed that?  They have to employ the super power geniuses of advertising.  People who can lift you up and shake you like dog with their mind powers (LOL sorry Monsters INC flashback there)!  Guess that's why the express lanes demand no more than 20 items, they already know you're in it for about ten just because you graced the doorsteps of their super psychic faculty's. 

 Now ten items at 2.25, 5, or 10 bucks a piece averages out to $5.75 each.  What's minimum wage again?  $5.50 an hour, so slightly over minimum wage.  You're going to have to put in about ten and a half hours of work to buy ten items.  If you like to cook and that's what you're good at, good luck finishing one Four Food Groups meal with under ten items, but that's neither here nor there. 

 I just filled the gas tank yesterday.  It was sitting on the red, so angrily flashing "go get some fuel before you get stuck walking 20 miles to the school and back!"  It cost a total of $52.50 to "filler up."  That's another nine and a half hours of working pay.  Ten items + one tank of gas = 19.5 hours of work.  So already I've lost a week of work and so far I've not accomplished anything.  Just scraped the top of the barrel.  It's going to take 118.2 hours to pay my rent, 40.9 hours to pay my electric bill, 18.18 hours to pay the phone bill, the same amount of time to pay the monthly satellite T.V. bill and if the kids are to eat for the month I'm looking at another 118.2 to finish buying groceries. 

 Survival total, so far, I'm looking to invest 401.66 hours just to pay the average monthly bills.  It appears my month is going to require an extra six more weeks just so I can pay the regular monthly bills.  Yep, I need 10.04 weeks in a month just to pay the bills that pile up for the month.  (*Scratches head and wonders what political department/party handles calendar making so we can lobby for a few more weeks*?)

 Before we're totally up in arms over the absolute absurdity of all this, let me share another, sort of off the subject, theory I have with you.  America is at an all time high for obesity.  There is an alarmingly growing rate of severely overweight people in our country.  Of course the news and government groups will holler on the air waves about their concerns for the growing number of health related issues that escalate in regards to this increasingly heavy burden on our medical society.  So, really quick, I wonder, do you suppose there's any correlation between the increased price of well EVERYTHING and the fact that minimum wage hasn't went up in ohhh eons?  Ever noticed that most of the overweight society fall into the under poverty line end of the population?  Huh, I wonder, are they working 15 days a month just to pay the rent as well?  Maybe they need an extra 6 weeks a month to be able to meet monthly bills.   I suppose when it takes 15 days of the month to pay the rent, 5 days to pay the electric bill, an additional 5 days to pay the phone and cable bill and 26 days of work to put gas in the car just to make it to work (so quick calculation, 51 days so far), well that 29 cent box of macaroni is looking a whole lot more attractive than those two tomatoes at $5!

 All the political and financial mumbo jumbo aside for a moment, I'm thinking to the grapes.  Let's say you've decided to take two hours of work and invest it into a healthy food option for your children, you know so we don't further burden our already over-paid high demand medical professionals, what do you do if the entire bunch of grapes turn out to be sour?  At this point, give or take a day or two, I'm looking at an excellent fermented glass of wine (add in about a pound of sugar at another $1.50).  Are we allowed to bring back the bunch of grapes (keeping in mind the huge investment on my part to burn an additional tank of liquid gold a second time to return to the store that sold me the shoddy bunch)?  Or, as life does has it's moments of being a crap shoot, is this an occasion where the store claims its non-responsibility as to the quality of "fresh" foods that it carries? 

 Do you suppose if we schedule a "peaceful protest" on the quality of grapes sold in a store, demanding of course that fresh foods in fact be sold FRESH, that this could snow ball into either a raise in minimum wage standards, to of course match the inflation prices of goods and services that have spiked over the past decade when in fact the wage rates have not?  Maybe, instead of sitting idly on our keesters, we can rally together to do something?  How great would that be to get monthly bills due payable in a monthly time frame?  Who knows, possibly gas could return to 97 cents a gallon, or wages could be raised so that gas is still only a quarter of our hourly wage?

 So I wonder, what's your take on sour grapes?