What Happened?

He and his wife were at a comedy club and the symptoms are the description of what happens to someone who is laughing.

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Mystery House

Mystery House

Clyde Stevenson just bought a brand new house. Everything in it was state of the art; the refrigerator was stainless steel, the ovens were electric, even the windows were built to only open from the inside. Clyde was a very nervous man, and always kept his house locked up, especially this one, since it was new.

Clyde decided, since he bought a nice new house, he might as well break it in and plan a barbeque. He went to the store and bought some steaks, wine (it was his first party), and other things that he saw fit. He set the table, had the steaks marinating, and then began calling his friends to come over. He invited Stan, Eric, Helen and Pete.

They all came over and Clyde started the steaks. He finished grilling the steaks, and then broke open the wine and they started to eat. They talked about sports, the news, and gossiped about people in town. After a while, Stan started to get a little tipsy and was getting a little rude. Clyde asked him to settle down, in a civil matter, but Stan got furious and tried to fight. After quite a brawl, they got a taxi for Stan and everyone left.

The next day at 10:00 A.M., the police got a call that Clyde had been murdered. When the police arrived on the scene, they found Stan and Helen. The police officer decided to question them both at the station, to get the story straight.

When the officer questioned Stan, he said, "I was talking to Helen on the phone when I told her I should go over to Clyde's to apologize. (Stan told the officer what happened last night) She said that she should come with me in case things got heated again, and I said that was fine. I got there about ten minutes after Helen did, and I noticed that the front door was locked. I decided to look through a window to see if they were there, when I saw Helen, blood soaked, tossing a knife into the sink. I quickly opened the window and crawled through, and called the police. Helen killed Clyde."

When the officer questioned Helen she said, "Stan called me and told me to meet him at Clyde's so he could apologize about last night. (She also told the story about what happened) I get there about ten minutes faster than Stan, so I decided to wait in the car for him. After a while, I got bored so I decided to go in and tell Clyde what was going to happen. I noticed the door was wide open, and I thought that was strange because Clyde is a very nervous man. So, I rang the doorbell, walked in, and locked the door, because I know that Clyde always wants the door locked. I saw Clyde lying on the floor with stab wounds. I grabbed him to see if he was alive, but he was dead. I went into the kitchen to call the police when I saw Stan in the other room saying that I killed him, and that he had called the police."

The officer put them in different jail cells and decided to look over the crime scene. He searched the entire area and discovered who murdered Clyde. Who was it and why?

Answer

Stan murdered Clyde. In the beginning it states that the windows were new, and were designed to only open from the inside. If Stan had tried to open the window, he would have found it wouldn't work, and he would not have been able to get through that way.

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Used Everyday...

I am used to live, to get what you need,
You have all used me, I come from many different places,
On me are many different faces.
Every country is in need of me.
Too little of me has been a cause for poverty,
I am a primary target for people to steal.
If you think I am power, you are getting close.
What am I?

Answer

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Book Reports - Who Read What?

Book Reports - Who Read What?

Jessica, Matt, Chris, Ellen, and Tony are five students having the surnames Saunders, Alvarez, Mason, Tan, and Locke (not necessarily in that order) assigned to each read a different book and write a book report on them. But their teacher, unluckily, has forgotten which student is supposed to read which book! Help her figure out the students' full names, assigned books, and presentation dates from the clues below.

Students: Jessica, Matt, Chris, Ellen, Tony
Surnames: Saunders, Alvarez, Mason, Tan, Locke
Books: Pride and Prejudice, Jane Eyre, Gone With the Wind, War and Peace, Oliver Twist
Days: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday


1. Jessica, Chris, and the girl reading War and Peace plan to write their reports together on Monday night.

2. The 5 students are Matt, the girl presenting on Wednesday, the guy presenting on Tuesday, the kid reading Gone With the Wind, and Chris Saunders.

3. No person has the same first and last initials.

4. Miss Alvarez is presenting on Wednesday, while Pride and Prejudice is being presented on Monday.

5. Locke is mad he is the first to present, but Chris is happy because he is last.

6. Miss Tan wanted to read either Jane Eyre or War and Peace, but Tony and Ellen wound up reporting them instead.

Answer

Jessica Tan is reporting Gone With the Wind on Thursday.
Matt Locke is reporting Pride and Prejudice on Monday.
Chris Saunders is reporting Oliver Twist on Friday.
Ellen Alvarez is reporting War and Peace on Wednesday.
Tony Mason is reporting Jane Eyre on Tuesday.

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Medical and Financial Powers of Attorney

Medical and Financial Powers of Attorney

by Shae Irving, J.D.

Understand powers of attorney for health care and finances and why you need to prepare both.

What if an accident, illness -- or simply the effects of aging -- left you unable to tell your doctors what kind of medical treatment you want, or made it impossible to write checks to pay your monthly bills? No one likes to consider such grim possibilities, but the truth is that almost every family will eventually face this kind of difficulty. While medical and financial powers of attorney can’t prevent accidents or keep you young, they can certainly make life easier for you and your family if times get tough.

What Is a Power of Attorney?

A power of attorney is a legal document that gives someone you choose the power to act in your place. In case you ever become mentally incapacitated, you’ll need what are known as “durable” powers of attorney for medical care and finances. A durable power of attorney simply means that the document stays in effect if you become incapacitated and unable to handle matters on your own. (Ordinary, or “nondurable,” powers of attorney automatically end if the person who makes them loses mental capacity.)

With a valid power of attorney, the trusted person you name will be legally permitted to take care of important matters for you -- for example, paying your bills, managing your investments, or directing your medical care -- if you are unable to do so yourself.

Taking the time to make these documents is well worth the small effort it will take. If you haven’t made durable powers of attorney and something happens to you, your loved ones may have to go to court to get the authority to handle your affairs.

To cover all of the issues that matter to you, you’ll probably need two separate documents: one that addresses health care issues and another to take care of your finances. Fortunately, powers of attorney usually aren’t difficult to prepare.

Medical Power of Attorney

A medical power of attorney is one type of health care directive -- that is, a document that set out your wishes for health care if you are ever too ill or injured to speak for yourself.

When you make a medical power of attorney -- more commonly called a “durable power of attorney for health care” -- you name a trusted person to oversee your medical care and make health care decisions for you if you are unable to do so. Depending on where you live, the person you appoint may be called your "agent," "attorney-in-fact," "health care proxy," "health care surrogate," or something similar.

Your health care agent will work with doctors and other health care providers to make sure you get the kind of medical care you wish to receive. When arranging your care, your agent is legally bound to follow your treatment preferences to the extent that he or she knows about them.

To make your wishes clear, you can use a second type of health care directive -- often called a "health care declaration" or "living will" -- to provide written health care instructions to your agent and health care providers. To make this easier, some states combine a durable power of attorney for health care and health care declaration into a single form, commonly called an "advance health care directive."

For more information about preparing documents to direct your health care, see Health Care Declarations and Powers of Attorney for Health Care: How They Work.

Financial Power of Attorney

A financial power of attorney is a power of attorney you prepare that gives someone the authority to handle financial transactions on your behalf. Some financial powers of attorney are very simple and used for single transactions, such as closing a real estate deal. But the power of attorney we’re discussing here is comprehensive; it's designed to let someone else manage all of your financial affairs for you if you become incapacitated. It’s called a “durable power of attorney for finances.”

With a durable power of attorney for finances, you can give a trusted person as much authority over your finances as you like. The person you name is usually called your “agent” or “attorney-in-fact,” though he or she most definitely doesn’t have to be an attorney.

Your agent can handle mundane tasks such as sorting through your mail and depositing your Social Security checks, as well as more complex jobs like watching over your retirement accounts and other investments, or filing your tax returns. Your agent doesn’t have to be a financial expert; just someone you trust completely who has a good dose of common sense. If necessary, your agent can hire professionals (paying them out of your assets) to help out.

How a Financial Power of Attorney Works

by Shae Irving, J.D.

Durable powers of attorney for finances -- a simple way to arrange for someone to handle your finances if you can't.

A durable power of attorney for finances, or financial power of attorney, is a simple, inexpensive, and reliable way to arrange for someone to make your financial decisions if you become unable to do so yourself. It's also a wonderful thing to do for your family members. If you do become incapacitated, the document will likely appear as a minor miracle to those close to you.

That's because if you become incapacitated (unable to make decisions for yourself) and you haven't prepared a durable power of attorney, a court proceeding is probably inescapable. Your spouse, closest relatives, or companion will have to ask a court for authority over at least some of your financial affairs.

When a Financial Power of Attorney Takes Effect

A financial power of attorney can be drafted so that it goes into effect as soon as you sign it. (Many spouses have active, financial powers of attorney for each other in effect at all times in case something happens to one of them -- or for when one spouse is out of town.) You must specify that you want your power of attorney to be "durable." If you don't, it will automatically end if you later become incapacitated. 

Or, you can specify that the power of attorney does not go into effect unless a doctor certifies that you have become incapacitated. This is called a "springing" durable power of attorney. It allows you to keep control over your affairs unless and until you become incapacitated, when it springs into effect. Again, you must specify that you want your power of attorney to be "durable." If you don't, in this case, your document will never take effect at all.

The Attorney-in-Fact's Job

When you create and sign a durable power of attorney, you give another person legal authority to act on your behalf. This person is called your "attorney-in-fact" or, sometimes, your "agent." The word "attorney" here means anyone authorized to act on another's behalf; it's most definitely not restricted to lawyers.

Commonly, people give an attorney-in-fact broad power to handle all of their finances. But you can give your attorney-in-fact as much or as little power as you wish. You may want to give your attorney-in-fact authority to do some or all of the following:

• use your assets to pay your everyday expenses and those of your family
• buy, sell, maintain, pay taxes on, and mortgage real estate and other property
• collect Social Security, Medicare, or other government benefits
• invest your money in stocks, bonds, and mutual funds
• handle transactions with banks and other financial institutions
• buy and sell insurance policies and annuities for you
• file and pay your taxes
• operate your small business
• claim property you inherit or are otherwise entitled to
• transfer property to a trust you've already created
• hire someone to represent you in court, and
• manage your retirement accounts.

The attorney-in-fact is required to act in your best interests, maintain accurate records, keep your property separate from his or hers, and avoid conflicts of interest.

Creating a Durable Power of Attorney for Finances

To create a legally valid durable power of attorney, all you need to do is properly complete and sign a fill-in-the-blanks form that's a few pages long. Some states have their own forms, but it's not mandatory that you use them.

Some banks and brokerage companies have their own durable power of attorney forms. If you want your attorney-in-fact to have an easy time with these institutions, you may need to prepare two (or more) durable powers of attorney: your own form and forms provided by the institutions with which you do business.

You must sign the document in front of a notary public. In some states, witnesses must also watch you sign. If your attorney-in-fact will have authority to deal with your real estate, you must put a copy of the document on file at the local land records office. (In two states, North and South Carolina, you must record your power of attorney at the land records office for it to be durable.)

When a Durable Power of Attorney Ends

Your durable power of attorney automatically ends at your death. That means that you can't give your attorney-in-fact authority to handle things after your death, such as paying your debts, making funeral or burial arrangements, or transferring your property to the people who inherit it. If you want your attorney-in-fact to have authority to wind up your affairs after your death, use a will to name that person as your executor.

Your durable power of attorney also ends if:

• You revoke it. As long as you are mentally competent, you can revoke a durable power of attorney at any time.
• You get a divorce. In a handful of states -- including Alabama, California, Colorado, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Minnesota, Missouri, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Texas, Washington, and Wisconsin -- if your spouse is your attorney-in-fact and you divorce, your ex-spouse's authority is automatically terminated. In other states, if you want to end your ex-spouse's authority, you have to revoke your existing power of attorney. You can then prepare a new document, naming someone else to act for you.
• A court invalidates your document. It's rare, but a court may declare your document invalid if it concludes that you were not mentally competent when you signed it, or that you were the victim of fraud or undue influence.
• No attorney-in-fact is available. To avoid this problem, you can name an alternate attorney-in-fact in your document.

4:26 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Who is it ?

John had dinner the other night with his only sibling's husband's mother-in-law's only daughter-in-law.

With whom did he dine?

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One lives

Two men enter a bar one of the men is big and burly and the other short and thin.

They both order Scotch On the rocks.

One lives, the other dies.

How did that happen?

Answer:

The drinks contain poisoned ice cubes; one man drinks slowly, giving them time to melt, while the other drinks quickly and thus doesn't get much of the poison.

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mental asylum

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time. This little test should help you get started.

During a visit to a mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criteria is that defines if a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub. Then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask the patient to empty the bathtub."

Okay, here's your test:
1. Would you use the spoon?
2. Would you use the teacup?
3. Would you use the bucket?

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket, as it is larger than the spoon."

Answer

No," answered the Director. "A normal person would pull the plug."

So, how did *YOU* do?

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What Order

Before the game, the manager of the "Anytown Homers" had to decide in what order to bat his 9 players. However, the manager's dog chewed the paper the lineup was written on as the manager drove to the game. He could remember:

1. No one whose name begins with a "J" is the lead-off hitter.
2. Blake bats in the middle of the lineup.
3. Jay bats after Keith & Jake and before Gerald.
4. Mitch bats 3 spots away from Blake (2 between).
5. Jon hits before Jay and after Blake.
6. Doug bats before Mitch.
7. Keith bats 2 spots before Jon (1 between).
8. Jake bats third.
9. Jay bats 2 spots before Jack, who bats last (1 between).

Answer:

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What is it?

The one who makes it sells it.
The one who buys it doesn't use it.
The one who's using it doesn't know he's using it.
What is it

Answer: A Coffin

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