idk. boredom.
Current mood: bored
Category: Music

i took this song, didn't like the lyrics. so i messed around with them and made my own song out of it.

If I gave you the truth, would it keep me alive?
Though I'm closer to wrong
I'm no further from right
And now I'm convinced on the inside that something's wrong with me
Convinced on the inside, this is so much more than me

yeah...

No there's nothing you say that can salvage the lie
But I'm trying to keep my intentions disguised
And now I'm deprived of my conscience and something's got to give
Deprived of my conscience
This all belongs to me

yeah...

I'm beaten down again, I belong to this
Beaten down again, I've failed you
I'm weaker now my friend, I belong to this
Beaten down again

I've failed you...

The deception you show is your own paradise
Just a word of advice you can heed if you like
And now I'm convinced on the inside that something's wrong with me
Convincd on the inside this is so much more than me

yeah...

I'm beaten down.

Hold me now I need to feel relief
Like I never wanted anything
I suppose I'll let this go and find a reason I'll hold on to
I'm so ashamed of defeat
And I'm out of reason to believe in me
I'm out of trying to get by

I'm so afraid of the gift you give me
I don't belong here and I'm not well
I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living
Right on the wrong side of it all

I can't face myself when I wake up
And look inside a mirror
I'm so ashamed of that thing
I suppose I'll let it go
Untill I have something more to say for me
I'm so afraid of defeat
And I'm out of reason to believe in me
I'm out of trying to defy

I'm so afraid of the gift you give me
I don't belong here and I'm not well
I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living
Right on the wrong side of it all

Hold me now I need to feel complete
Like I matter to the one I need

I'm so afraid of the gift you give me
I don't belong here and I'm not well
I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living
Right on the wrong side of it all

Now I'm ashamed of this
I am so ashamed of this
Now I'm so ashamed of this
I am so ashamed of me...

Currently listening : Noise for Music's Sake By Napalm Death Release date: 2003-08-12

4:47 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

you better believe it.
Current mood: blessed
Category: Romance and Relationships

i love my silly lady, my everything, this beautiful woman that stands beside me even when times are tough. she's the one who keeps me moving. even if i feel like giving up, i know she'll be there to pick me up and aim me in the right direction. she's the most wonderful person in this world and she means alot to me, more than i thought possible. no one or anything can get in the way of that. if you disagree with me, then give me your best shot. you won't walk away with both legs, i'll tell ya that much.

i love you, sweetheart.

lml

Currently listening : Killing Is My Business...And Business Is Good! By Megadeth Release date: 1990-06-12

3:03 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

...mmh
Current mood: stressed

Behind the eyes of my compassion lies a suffering soul
And in my blood a bitter darkness slowly taking it's toll
I feel the death of our connection and the fading of light
Between the shards of sudden panic from choking on my life

I see the scars of your addiction and the feeling you hide
A blackened heart from all the hatred you will never rewind
Within the depths of your depression hear you pleading for help
Your just a shell of vacant ruin, a portrait of myself.

I can't breathe alone
You can guide me home.

I am the face of your affliction.
Feeding new life through the cracks in your skull.

Beneath the skin of your aggression is a thickening fear
A swelling plague from every devastating voice that you hear
You feel the throes of contradiction in the world that you left
Another day in your delusion, the never-ending death.

I can't breathe alone
You can guide me home
I can feel you here
You can draw me near

I am the face of your afflication.
Feeding new life through the cracks in your skull.
I am the pain of your conviction
Stabbing you right through the back of your soul.

This is life, this is love

I can feel you here
You can draw me near.

Play dead again. It just might stop before the end.
If I pretend you may not see the pain I'm in.
So close to me, can't tell what I'm supposed to be.
Don't stop to breathe, can't bear to think what you might see.
This tourniquet, these blessed hands around my head
So I can keep from...

Bleeding.
I've got to find a way to stop before it starts.
Finding its way through my veins right to my heart.
I never thought it something everyone could see.
And it kills within me.

I won't, I won't leave without a trace.
I won't be erased.

It's in my head, I can't forget what you once said.
The words I read, the fractured soul that I can't mend.
Right here with me, killing the void I used to be.
Remembering through fading sparks of memory.
Two broken hands lift seven wounds and fight to stand
To keep the lungs from..

Caving.
I've got to find a way to stop before it starts.
Finding its way through my veins right to my heart.
I never thought it something everyone could see.
And it kills within me.

Turning. It's moving. Escaping right through me.
I care not. I bleed not. For you I believe not.
I play dead.

There you stood in disbelief,
Trying all you could to see through these lies
And every word that I could breathe,
Would you find more inclined to leave,
But I tried, I tried

And knowing what I've done to you,
With every thought you suffer through
My heart as black as evil can
And everything I could have been,
Erased by what I wanted then
I couldn't think a lesser man

All the delicate ways
That I deepened our graves
My apology pales

Oh, the pain in your eyes
My regrets have never known such sorrow
Oh, the shame that you hide
Resolutions are the same tomorrow

So now I reap what I have sewn,
And any rapture I had shown has bled dry
And I walked the streets alone,
Accepting pain I'd never known,
As you died, you died

Then I hurt myself to see it too,
To feel the knife I put in you
My heart as broken as my ways
I never should've let it pass,
This fall was never meant to last
The reason gone and damage stays

Count the cost of your vile means
Solace comes to less

Oh, the pain in your eyes (the delicate ways)

My regrets have never known such sorrow (I deepened our graves)

Oh, the shame that you hide (the delicate ways)

Resolutions are the same tomorrow (I deepened our graves)

Deepened our graves

ok. i'm finished with this BS. i refuse to live this pathetic life. its time to pick up the pieces and start over.

Currently listening : Summer of Darkness By Demon Hunter Release date: 2004-05-04

1:02 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

hmm...

Feel no pain, but my life ain't easy
I know I'm my best friend
No one cares, but I'm so much stronger
I'll fight until the end
To escape from the true false world
Undamaged destiny
Can't get caught in the endless circle
Ring of stupidity

Out of my own, out to be free
One with my mind, they just can't see
No need to hear things that they say
Life is for my own to live my own way

Rape my mind and destroy my feelings
Don't tell me what to do
I don't care now, 'cause I'm on my side
And I can see through you
Feed my brain with your so called standards
Who says that I ain't right
Break away from your common fashion
See through your blurry sight

Out of my own, out to be free
One with my mind, they just can't see
No need to hear things that they say
Life is for my own to live my own way

See they try to bring the hammer down
No damn chains can hold me to the ground
Life is for my own to live my own way...

Currently listening : Ride the Lightning By Metallica Release date: 1990-10-25

10:25 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

one last time.
Category: Life

i'm sick and tired of being sick and tired all the time! its time for me to do something about it, time for me to hold my head up. people judge me by my appearance, saying "oh no! look here! another misfit walking the path to nowhere!" HA! i'm walking the path alright but i'm going somewhere with it, so stick your foot in your mouth after i shove it up your ass and enjoy it.

people expect me to be 'pouty' and 'pissy' all the time but i refuse to be that way. doing what's expected is boring as shit anyways! like i said, its time for me to hold my head up. life has thrown me some pretty rough stuff in the past. things that i really don't know how to deal with yet but things have changed. its time for me to show these 'assholes' what i'm made of and i got the perfect person i want to do that with.

i know that i don't get to see her very much but i know she's somewhere, being the person that i love with all my heart. thats just enough for me. :)

Currently listening : Peace Sells...But Who's Buying? By Megadeth Release date: 2004-07-27

12:03 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

here we go again....
Category: Life

life used to be so beautiful to look upon but once you hit that certain age and take a look at the bigger picture, it all goes to shit. ever since i worked up enough courage to crawl outta my fuckin shell, i've been regretting it. life isn't easy, life isn't beautiful, and life isn't grand. unless you get off your ass and do something about it and make it easy, make it beautiful, and make it grand. this shit does not happen by itself, its something you have to get for yourself. trust me, i know what the hell i'm talking about. i've been through it all and seen it all. i've been dragged through the mud, my heart has been crushed many times, my brains beaten in by other people's bullshit. i've fell apart, put myself back together, fell apart, put myself back together. you think anybody gave a shit or really gives a shit now? no. they don't care one bit. the reason that they don't care is that they're fighting their own demons. they're trying to make their own life easy, beautiful, and grand cause they know that time doesn't wait for no one. to be honest, i'm tired of fighting for it. if no one cares then i don't see a reason to put myself back together again but i guess we'll see what happens.....

Currently listening : Capitol Punishment: The Megadeth Years By Megadeth Release date: 2000-10-24

12:40 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

feel it. live it. love it. die with it.
Current mood: grateful
Category: Music

Scavenger of Human Sorrow - DEATH

What pain will it take
to satisfy your sick appetite
go in for the kill
always in sight-prey
the time always right-feast
feed on the pain-taste
sorrow made flesh-sweet
live how you want
just don't feed on me
if you doubt what i say
i will make you believe
shallow are words from those who starve
for a dream not their own to slash and scar

Big words, small mind
behind the pain you will find
a scavenger of human sorrow
scavenger
abstract theory the weapon of choice
used by scavenger of human sorrow
scavenger

Bite The Pain - DEATH

Look down at the body
you may see no trace of wounds
but in the eye
the eye of the beholder
one cannot assume.

Not a drop of blood is drawn
but you know how it bleeds
beware of the sharp edged weapon
called human being

It is a shield of passion
and strong will
from this I am the victor
instead of the kill

I will not feed your hunger, instead
I bite the pain
looking not back, but forward
I bite down hard
try to cover up the trail of deceit
and daggers spawned from your soul

Acid, the tears of remorse
flow in vain, too late for regrets
save it
for the next ill fated game.

Story to Tell - DEATH

Drifting into the lives
seep into the soul where emotions hide
dark skies were beating me down
with shadows of deceit slashing at
trust till it forever bleeds
with doubt, with pain, with trust
is pain.

When you think of me in your
multidimesional mind, try and wash the
"evil" from your mind and open it.

When you taste the truth you will
see like others before me, to you
I am past, a story to tell
tell it.

You may think you own the end
take another close look at the script

of sadness etched in the book.

The Flesh And The Power It Holds - DEATH

I told you once but I will say it again
when you live the flesh it is the beginning
of the end
it will take you in
it will spit you out
behold the flesh and the power it holds
passion is a poison laced with pleasure bitter sweet
one of many faces that hide deep beneath
it will take you in
it will spit you out
behold the flesh and the power it holds
touch, taste, breathe, consumed
deja-vu. already knew from the first encounter
but now I know to let go of words to speak no more
like a wind upon your face you can't see it
but you know it's there, when beauty shows
its ugly face, just be prepared.

Passion burns like fire carried by the wind
the end of a time, a time to begin
it builds you up one way and tears
you right back down, a time to begin
the end of a time.

Touch, taste, breathe, consumed.

the end.

Currently listening : Sound of Perseverance By Death Release date: 1998-09-15

2:10 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment