Beware of falling penquins...
Current mood: quixotic
Category: Life

Angry Tone

"Stephen, why aren't you and Eileen spending time at your mother's place with Arianna?"

"Dad I want to but she's not ready yet."

"I don't care what she wants – Stephen you need to start speaking up for what you want!"

Ok so perhaps I muttered something about not letting his girlfriend hold his balls captive.  HEY don't even give me a hard time, I'm far from perfect and sometimes tact is not one of my strengths. Beside that my son is my one and only. While I may be long past Parenting 101 trust me I still haven't graduated and this particular class is difficult! The last assignment dealing with your child having a child is by far the most difficult one I've dealt with.

It's often illuminating for me though to compare a past failure, my own or someone else's, to a current situation hopefully allowing me to determine the correct course of action. The big question is whether a negative outcome constitutes a failure. I don't think so. The failure occurs when the initial decision is made, that failure being the inability to figure out the ideal choice at the time. Was it the wrong decision or the better of two evils? There's a lesson to be learned here.

There are degrees of wrongness. Sometimes I forget to send my mother a birthday card. It may be wrong but not necessarily a bad thing. I can easily remedy the situation by placing a quick order with the local florist and calling her on the phone later that evening to wish her happy birthday. Not so bad compared to something like say crossing a desert without an ample supply of water – which could prove to be fatal.

Sometimes wrong parental actions cause no duress on your children and other times the simplest of mistakes lead to floods of tears. Sure those floods of tears sometimes happen because of things we as parents can't control, things we couldn't reasonably have predicted. Immoral decisions however and states of accidental duress are two entirely different things despite being connected.

Bottom line, we shouldn't hurt our kids "to teach them," that isn't how learning happens anyway. We don't have to hurt them knowingly in order to communicate moral ideas or concepts. Sometimes though, often with the best intentions, we may still do something which upsets our children. If they speak up, yell at us even, that is good. That's the time we need to be the grown up and back down, maybe apologize or figure out what went wrong. But most importantly it's a time for us to learn.

As a parent I have come to realize how important it is to identify and learn from the mistakes I have made. We all have weak areas that we need to improve or at least we should figure out some way of navigating around them safely. For me these deviations are merely experiments in life. They may prove to be ineffective now but useful in the future.

Expect to make mistakes; don't wait to be perfect before being a parent. If you don't think you are making mistakes, look more closely or ask your friends and family what they are. Trust me nobody is perfect so if you think that you're not doing anything sub-perfectly, you are deluded!

When it comes to being a parent some of your mistakes may hurt your children. Keep on keeping on though, work it out, learn and things will improve.  Or you can deviate…

"ring-ring"

"Hello"

"Hey Stephen, how are you guys doing?"

"Good"

"Good-good, so are you going to spend next week at your mom's?"

Frustration In His Voice

"I want to dad but she's not ready yet, I'm working on it though ok."

"Yeah sure, that's ok Stephen – Just try to go there soon ok. We miss you guys."

Silence – Puzzled Tone

"Ummm….ok dad."

"I love you"

"I love you too dad"

© 2007 PCN

2:00 PM - 8 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Passionate Ink
Category: Blogging

Passionate Ink…

My "The Fifth Business" blog would be best described as an erotic story. Erotic stories are all about human behavior. These stories are fundamental to our nature. All of us owe our very existence to sex. God has hard wires sexual behavior into our brains! Without it characters, such as you and me, would simply not exist. There are no other storytellers who can make this claim – not sci-fi, crime, not even romance. This is why I read many genres but enjoy writing bump-and-grind.

The idea behind The Fifth Business blogs was to write a short story that you would all enjoy reading. Something different from many of the other sexually charged blogs you read that, I dare say, are remarkably bad unless judged by there smut level alone. Truthfully there is nothing wrong with that approach. A lot of bloggers are happy with the results of their work as are many of their readers. However as a writer I want more and so do some you as readers. Sexual content doesn't necessary equal poorly plotted works with the word cock and fuck spattered through out. It can be well written literature that satisfies more then just the libido. This is the defining difference between porn and erotica and this is hopefully what The Fifth Business will become.

This story has taken on life and there are many pages written that I have not posted. Why? It is now passionate ink for me – ink that has a chance of becoming a book versus a blog. Sadly this means that I won't be posting every page of the story. I think you would agree that blogs are meant to be quick reads anyway, not short novels. I will post excerpts from time to time for your feedback and hopefully enjoyment. A condensed version.

That being said here's the next excerpt from The Fifth Business – not the full version but not the ending either. If you haven't read any of the other blogs pertaining to this story I would click the links below and read them in order before continuing on with this blog.

BIRTH OF THE PLOT

PART I

PART II

The tone of her voice, her fingers – both cut through me like sheets of ice. This couldn't be happening to me, things like this don't really happen, especially to me. Up until now I believed that I could handle anything life threw at me – but not this. How could I handle this?!

Lying in misery paralyzed as her fingers dug into the plump tenderness of my cock – there was no point in trying to squirm away, there was no slack in the bonds that anchored my hands and feet to the bed. Holding my breath every muscle clenched.

"There, doesn't that feel good?"

She pulled and stroked slowly but firmly.

"Just the way you like it. Don't pretend with me Merrick. We know each other's desires very well?"

Whoever she was, she was mad. She was going to kill me but not until she raped me. Or perhaps she wouldn't bother raping me – perhaps she would just murder me…at least that's what I wanted to do…

"You fucking bitch, I'm going to kill you!"

Ignoring me, the bed sagged as she lowered her head toward my abdomen. I could hear the breath escape her mouth as her lips parted. She pressed her face against my crotch and moaned.

 "What do you want?"

No answer instead she inhaled deeply. I could here her wheeze, almost as if she was being asphyxiated – her convulsions jiggling the bed.

For a moment she didn't move…didn't even breathe then without a word she stood up.

"Don't hurt me I'll do whatever you want"

She wasn't listening.

"Click-Click-Clank"

The locks slide open – the door creaked and the light washed over me.  She left the room closing the door and locking it behind her.

****

I know I didn't add very much to the story but this blog was meant to explain it's direction.

© 2007 PCN

5:00 PM - 6 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Nothing like a good pair of genes
Current mood: Proud
Category: Proud Life

Arianna & her Daddy

Arianna

4:00 PM - 34 Comments - 30 Kudos - Add Comment

Dear Arianna
Current mood: peaceful
Category: Life

Monday, August 13, 2007

Dear Arianna,

What an exciting night, I can't believe you are here already. I wasn't able to meet you when you first arrived but I'll make it up to you on Friday.

I'm sorry about how I acted when I first heard about you – about your journey here. I was angry with your father, sad and even disappointed in him for being so careless and irresponsible. Now I'm truly happy to be a grandfather, your grandfather. Unlike when your father was born I can sit back and enjoy this experience – the newness of you, without a shred of doubt – doubt the mark I wore as a young father to your daddy.

I am confident that he will help you deal with whatever life throws your way. (laughs) Although he really can make a mess of things girl! None-the-less I'm proud of him, very proud and you would be too. He has been there since the day he learned that you were on your way. I know, it seems like a no brainer right? Why wouldn't he be there? You'd be surprised how many dead beat dads there are in the world. Not your dad though, at times I hardly recognized him as my baby boy – instead I saw the beginnings of a great father, a great man. He won't be able to solve all of your problems, especially right now, a mere child himself. He's trying though, trying to be the best daddy ever. (winks) To bad that position is already spoken for. Don't worry, he may be a boy but you can be sure that I'll be there to help him dry your tears – to make you laugh.

I know at 37 years old I don't look like your typical grandparent. Don't let the lack of grey hair fool you. I may be a young man but I'm a man with quite a few miles behind me. I've been around the block a few times, around the world even and today I'm able to see most of the big bumps in the road before hitting them. (laughs again) Sometimes I still like to push the accelerator instead of the brakes though.

I don't know your mom very well but from what I can tell she's going be a wonderful mother. I think you lucked out when God decided to bless them with you. They're a couple of good kids and I'll do my part to keep them on track until they venture out into the world with you. It's going to be fine, trust me.

I can't wait to meet you, the latest chapter in my life, to see your sweet innocent face. You are undoubtedly like a smile, one that lasts all night.

-Grandpa

© 2007 PCN

3:00 PM - 28 Comments - 28 Kudos - Add Comment

iVibe - What's on your play list?
Current mood: horny
Category: Romance and Relationships

Have you ever had cyber sex? Did you go on a date with them afterwards? The company HIGHJOY apparently suspected that we were all a bunch of pervs so they combined online dating and "teledildonics" to create a cross between MYSPACE,  ADULTFRIENDFINDER, and MATCH.COM.

I think HighJoy is on to something here. Its concept is the logical next step to online dating and social networking. You can do everything on HighJoy that you would expect to do on Match.com or Myspace. Fill out a member profile and then search their database for other profiles with characteristics that interest you. Once you make a connection you can chat, use webcams, or email each other in private. You can even bookmark people or block them. There is one subtle difference though – you can invite them to control your vibrator while you control theirs. That's right, remote sex! After reading DOULEUR'S blog CAN I BE YOUR SIM I was curious, did virtually controlled sex toys exist? And until today, I only suspected that teledildonics existed.

The ability to relinquish control of a vibrator to someone else virtually may not be for you but the concept appeals to me. Let's get past cyber-sex and think of other possibilities. People could use it to nurture intimacy when they are apart, especially our Hero's in Iraq who are separated from their lovers for prolonged periods of time. How about those who have careers involving extensive travel or long distance relationships? One commenter on Douleur's blog indicated that cyber-sex was cheating if you were involved with someone else. HighJoy thought of this and offers a "one-on-one" membership that allows you to chat privately with your partner and control their toys without access to other member profiles or community chat rooms. Monogamous cyber-sex, no virtual cheating!

Internet enabled sex toys add another level to cyber-sex. The best cyber-sex is a combination of reality and fantasy. You tell him that your nipples are hard, he tells you to pinch and roll them between your fingers. Then there is the kissing-licking-grinding-thrusting phase where you explain what you are doing in the fantasy together. And finally there is the reality phase, what you are really doing – touching yourself or perhaps someone else, what the atmosphere is like – the mood. You take turns describing the scents in the air, how your clothes puddle around your ankles as they slip off, the taste of honey on your bare skin as it shivers with arousal even though no one has touched you. Add a web cam and teledildonics to this and your cyber-lover can do just that, touch you by controlling your sex toys.

I'm interested in your thoughts about this combination of online dating and cyber-sex. First, is cyber-sex cheating when you are involved with someone else or is it "simulated porn" equivalent to throwing a porn into the DVD? Would you try it, does it intrigue you? What pros and cons do you see? And finally what's your IP address you perv? (winks)

© 2007 PCN

1:00 PM - 22 Comments - 17 Kudos - Add Comment

Road to August
Current mood: worried
Category: Life

His eyes are brown; his hair is short (smiles) and so is he. He's 16 years old and in the summer he lives in the city with me and during the school year with his mother in the country. Ironically he loves to learn new things but struggles in school – boredom I'm sure. He's smart like his mother and father. A good kid overall and one who keeps his pants pulled up. He loves the same things all boys love yet he's independent and strong willed. Not the sort of kid who falls into cliques, he would rather do it his way – his father's son. I love him and I show him that constantly. I'm his Dad and I'm proud of him, although at times he may not realize it. I think his mother and I have succeeded – he's going to be alright. He's a great kid and will likely be a great man – I'm sure of it.

So why then am I experiencing these emotions – shock and disappointment, grief and worry about his future? I feel guilty, if only I had done more to protect him this wouldn't have happened. If only I wasn't such a punk kid when he was born perhaps then his mother and I would be together today. Would that have made the difference? Is that where I went wrong?

Please tell me how can I be proud of him and embarrassed at the same time?  What will my friends say, my co-workers. What's going to happen to him in two short years when he is legally a man?

It's been a difficult time for me. You only need to look at my current relationships both intimate and social since the beginning of the year to see that something is just not right with me. I'm removed, displaced, withdrawn.

Why?

My eyes are green, my hair is short (smiles again) and so am I. I'm 37 years old and during the summer, I live in the city with my son and alone while he is off to school. Ironically I too love to learn but struggled in high school – boredom no doubt. I'm smart. I was a troubled kid who grew his hair long. But not the sort of kid who fell into cliques – I did it my way and learned everything the hard way. But today I'm alright – a noteworthy man who is far too young to be a noteworthy grandfather.

The winds of change are all around me. Nearly 1 million teenage girls give birth every year yet somehow I didn't expect my son's girlfriend to be one of them. We talked about this. He knew what to do – he knew the consequences if he didn't practice safe sex.

It's a difficult time for me right now and on some day's I just want to say fuck it and fuck you. That's it, I'm through, I can't fight anymore. It doesn't matter what feelings I'm experiencing though. I've never been a quitter and I can't quit now, he needs me today more then ever. He won't have to go it alone – I will never quit on him.

2:00 PM - 18 Comments - 15 Kudos - Add Comment

PART III - The Fifth Business
Current mood: creative
Category: Writing and Poetry

THE FIFTH BUSINESS

At first the cries were just little hiccups, but then as if the full punch of some unknown terror hit her she began to sob, the kind of sobbing that makes your body convulse with each gasp of air. It continued for an insufferable amount of time; which in itself was unsettling. I heard a door slam shut and then she simply stopped as if someone had thrown a switch.

Listening intensely I blinked trying to see something in the darkness – anything.  Each gritty blink felt as if my eyelids were lined with sandpaper. Rolling onto my back I began to twist and push my way across the floor inching toward what I thought was the door; the lack of mobility increased my frustration. As her silhouette replayed in my mind's eye it didn't seem so far away. I dug my heels in, shoving myself forward violently – bubbling with anger. It was like being a caterpillar only the wrong way around. Snarling in rage I lunged forward with one colossal shove. My head slammed into metal – the echoing clang wrapped itself around my brain as I blacked out.

****

Something creaked softly beneath me – box springs. Paralyzed from the disorientation, I blinked furiously as if it could drive out the darkness. It didn't produce anything but pressure phosphenes and a sharp pain in my temples.

"Ouch, FUCK!"

"You hit your head and blacked out. I was worried."

Her voice – it was so close it made me flinch. Curling up I tried to get away. The mobility I had before was gone now. My hands and feet were still bound together, except now they were fastened to something inert and unyielding.

"Son of a bitch!"

"Sssh. Don't struggle, I won't hurt you."

"You won't what?  Fuck you you're hurting me now bitch! Let me go!"

"I'm not going to do that Merrick. You need to be sensible about your situation. You wanted this – I know you did. I know you very well."

Her hand rested on my leg, this time the sensation of her touch didn't trigger panic. Who was she? Did I know her before last night? The entire evening her voice sounded vaguely familiar. I searched my memory trying to match past with present.

Her hand was moving slowly inescapably upwards. Lying motionless I fought the instinctive urge to pull away trying to reclaim whatever distance I could. Her touch was greedy, yet hesitant. I was certain that she could feel my fear – or in some strange way was she as frightened as I was.

"Who are you?"

No response. Her hand slid up my thigh until she reached my zipper – her fingers moved across the teeth like a person reading Braille. Pants now unzipped she pushed harder as her hand moved across my bulging manhood. There was a slight chill of air against my skin. She wasn't going to listen. She wasn't going to let me go.

"No don't, not like this."

Panic rising up inside me again, this time I wasn't sure if I could fight it back down.

"P-please…who are you? Do I know you?"

Her fingers trembled as they wrapped around me.

"Know me? Of course you know me. You love me."

****

To be continued....

© 2007 PCN

BEAUTIFUL DISASTER -- [JUHK-STUH-POHZ]

3:00 PM - 10 Comments - 14 Kudos - Add Comment

Beautiful disaster -- [juhk-stuh-pohz]
Current mood: touched
Category: Blogging

"Beautiful Disaster"

The more I hear this song the more I appreciated the accuracy of its title. While it seems somewhat oxymoronic, you'd have to agree that a short reflection will reveal the many bitter-sweet contrasts that fill your days lending credence to its poetic description. I certainly have experienced moments of sublime beauty, as well as those of overwhelming despair – both seemingly unfathomable and sometimes unjust. The reality is that while we may not get what we pay for, we certainly pay for what we get.

*****

My "Beautiful Disaster"

Lying there peacefully lost in a dream. I could try to make it come true but my heart may not handle the extreme. The future is uncertain, but tonight she's real.

Holding on through the tears and the laughter – if I hold on longer would it be beautiful or just a disaster. She hurts – more damage than any heart should feel.

Longing for love she's soft to my touch. Before never enough but now almost too much. Unsure of what she's after to me she's so beautiful – a beautiful disaster.

© 2007 PCN

11:06 AM - 8 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Riddle me this riddle me that...cupid
Current mood: moody
Category: Romance and Relationships

The phone rang as my iPod shuffled to the next song.

"Hello?"

I'm not sure why I chose to answer a restricted call, I just did. I could barely hear her.

"Hi honey!"

"Huh?" (puzzled look on my face)

"Who is this?"

"It's me cintaku." (translation: cintaku means my love.)

"Heyyyyyy – how are you – you are so quiet – where are you at?"

Her accent made me smile and then I heard her say it...

Why do people throw the word "love" around so easily? It's almost lost meaning. People decide to jump so quickly on the rollercoaster of pleasure and pain they call love only to feel the bitter sting at the end. Is it because the idea of self-sacrifice isn't clear to them at the beginning? Is it a lack of understanding that emotions run high and low in all relationships? Either way, it seems that we, or some of us, always end up leaving the relationship with a bitter taste in our mouths.

I know, this is turning into a rant not a blog. It just seems that people are always blinded by the allure of it all. Holding hands, smiling, kissing, sex, and riding off into the sunset. I admit the idea of it seems so promising but there is so much more to love...there has to be right? It has been experienced and written about for centuries. Men and women have endured so much and even died for the sake of love.

"Cintaku" she whispered, "Remember when I asked you to tell me how much you loved me?"

"Yes"

"You said this, 'so much so that if I was in a situation where I had to choose between your life and my own – I wouldn't be able to choose between sentencing you to death or sentencing you to mourn my death' do you remember that?"

"Mmmm yes, kind of stupid huh?"

"No it wasn't, you told me that you loved me without actually saying it."

Tonight I sit and I ponder love...

...and ask you to share -- what one thing did your lover say or do that told you they loved you without actually saying those words?

3:00 AM - 30 Comments - 20 Kudos - Add Comment

Don't get "dooced"
Current mood: indescribable
Category: Blogging

Some of you will find the article below to be rather "dry" reading but if you enjoy blogging and have blogged at work before, I suggest you force yourself to use the left side of your brain and trudge your way through this article.  The sick accountant side of me found this quite interesting – perhaps you will too.

The article focuses on legal issues associated with the use of e-communication tools - such as blogs, e-mail, instant messages, camera phones, Web pages, listservs - both in the workplace (on company time and equipment) or on personal time. It also discusses notable cases, employee versus employer rights, and general considerations for policies and procedures.

It's a quick read, click and enjoy...

1:07 AM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment