So…Still Hanging Around Here, eh? (Replies)
Category: Blogging
It's been a full two months now since I've transitioned all my blogging and networking to my new MySpace Comedy Profile, and for the most part it's been a resounding success.I've made some connections, been invited to a few open mics, posted some funny blogs, and brought most of my friends along for the ride.
However, there have been a few issues.I think the best way to communicate them to all of you would be to drop by here in my old profile's blog for a visit, and put them in the convenient and easy-to-read "Q&A" format:
Q: Slow Joe, you are funny and sexy and gorgeous and if given half a chance, I'd have your babies.However, I settle for reading your brilliant blogs.Why haven't you been blogging lately?
A: Good question.The truth is, I have been blogging, but only on my new profile.I still have less than half the subscribers I used to have, and you must be one of them that "missed the boat".But you can remedy that by clicking HERE to subscribe to my new profile's blog.
Q: Slow Joe, is it true that you also only have half the friends you used to have?How can that happen to such an amazing person such as yourself?
A: Now now, "Q"…you know I try to stay humble.I'm not exactly sure why some of my old friends haven't followed me over yet.But they can easily befriend me by clicking HERE.
Q: Slow Joe, you are incredible and amazing and beautiful and extremely funny and witty and fantastic and humble and good-natured.
A: That wasn't even a question, but being as good-natured as I am, I'll allow it.
Q: Thank you.
A: You're welcome.
Q: Is it true that your handsome self also lost a lot of bloggers you've subscribed to, and would like those bloggers to send you subscription invites?
A: Why, yes, that is true!I hope that other bloggers do send me invites, since I've lost a lot of blogs in the transition.Don't be shy!
Q: So, was there anything else your sensational stupendous self needed to communicate, or was this just another cheap attempt to get your old blog's subscribers to move to your new MySpace blog?
Okay, my lovely little snowflakes…this is just about it.By January 1st, all new blogging will be done on my new MySpace Comedy Profile.I am going to try to squeeze in one more edition of "Random Crap" before the end, but that will probably be the last original blog here ever.
So, because I love you all so much and don't want to lose any of you, I'm going to make it real easy:
See?That wasn't so bad, was it?I knew I could count on you.
P.S.I've heard about several MySpace bloggers getting deleted and having to get all their readers back.I now know how much of a pain that is.One thing I don't understand, though: What the hell are they doing to get deleted in the first place?Posting porn?Selling crystal meth?One thing I can assure you: My new blog will be both drug and porn free.
A Dedication to the Best Friend I Lost Yesterday (Non-Humor) (Updated)
Category: Life
(I apologize, but there is no humor here. In fact, it may be a tear-jerker. I'm writing with a heavy heart.)
I didn't even really want her.
It was 1994, and my college roommate, Eddie, called me from his work, saying he wanted to bring home a free puppy.His co-worker's dog just had a litter and she needed to find owners for all the pups.I was initially against it, since neither of us was amazingly responsible, nor were either of us consistently at home.However, I've always had a soft spot for dogs, so it wasn't very difficult to talk me into it.
I regret never having taken pictures of her as a puppy, because she was the cutest damn thing I had ever seen.Not much bigger than my hand, she was pure white except a big brown spot around her left eye.We were having trouble deciding on a name for her when I jokingly said, "instead of calling her the generic 'Spot', we should call her Smudge."
It stuck.
And thus one of the most important relationships in my life began.As she got older, it became more and more apparent that she was not our dog, but my dog.She slept in my bed.I played with her for hours…hours I should have been studying.Smudge was amazingly athletic.I once mentioned how having her was like having a bird in the house, because you never knew where she might land.You could be lying on the couch watching TV and you'd hear a "th-thump" and you'd be looking up at her looking down at you from the armrest.
Oh, she loved to jump on furniture.
She was given a zillion nicknames.Smudge Master Ice.Mudge.Smidge.Baby Smudgie.Sweet Bubkiss.Smudgey Wudgie Wuffle Bear.Beavis.Smudge-Proof Mascara.Every friend of hers seemed to have their own nickname for her.
She was so full of energy.Always always always ready to play.If Eddie or I were too tired or busy, she'd start running around the apartment on her own, racing herself I guess.She was so entertaining just to watch.
Sometime between 1995 and 1997, I walked in the front door of our apartment, just getting home from class.Smudge immediately greeted me, as always, with her tail wagging so hard it shook her entire body.This time, I ignored her because I badly wanted to find the sports page to read about my favorite football team's big win the previous day.She ran circles around me trying to get my attention while I fetched the paper and sat down on the couch.I opened the sports page, held it open in front of me, and started reading it when—BLAM!!—Smudge burst through the paper, nearly ripping it in half, and jumped on me for a full-on face-licking attack.
I decided to forget about football and just play with her a while.
The most impressive thing about her was how easy she was to own.Once she was housebroken, she never had accidents.She could hold it forever.You could literally walk her without a leash.In fact, she could walk herself.A few years later, I lived by myself in an apartment on the third floor.If Smudge needed to go, I could just open the front door.Smudge would gallop down three flights of stairs, go out in the grass near the pond, do her business, and climb back up the three flights of stairs and scratch at the door to be let back in.
A lazy dog owner's dream.
In 1996, I experienced my first heartbreak when my girlfriend and I broke up.I was truly a mess.However, whenever I broke down, Smudge would always come over and bury her head in my chest.It helped.
As the years went by, it became more and more obvious how intelligent she was.I taught her how to play "hide and seek".Around 2002, my then-girlfriend Leila was absolutely amazed when I told Smudge "GO" and she immediately ran into my bedroom, giving me about 5 seconds to find a hiding spot, then absolutely tore the house apart looking for me.Leila started laughing as she watched Smudge peek in different bedrooms, closets, the pantry, behind the couch, and finally finding me hiding behind a door in the dining room.Her reward, as always, was a few strokes of her fur and a kiss on the cheek.
The last few years, Smudge began to show signs of age.She didn't play as long.She preferred to spend more time resting and napping.She would occasionally have back pains.Sometimes she would limp for no reason.She was diagnosed with hip dysplasia in 1998, so I knew back problems and arthritis were in her future even back then.
About two years ago, she had to go on painkillers to alleviate the pain.But no matter which painkiller they prescribed, it always wreaked havoc with Smudge's system.We had no choice but to take her off pills and try to go it with glucosamine alone.
The last few months have been really tough.Sometimes she'd yelp or cry out for no apparent reason.Just attempting to stand up was a difficult task.I'd often have to lift her rear end for her so she could walk around.Sometimes, I'd have to literally pick her up and carry her outside to do her business.Complete strangers would ask me if she had back problems.Friends and family started delicately hinting to me that "it was time".
I didn't want to believe them.My sister suggested that I take her into the vet again to see if they could give me some advice.I didn't.
I subconsciously knew that her next trip to the vet would be her last.
Yesterday, December 17th, 2007, I noticed Smudge bleeding from her hindquarters.It was dripping everywhere.She also kept falling in this weird sitting position where she couldn't get up.Clearly, I had to bring her in.I called the vet, and because of the situation, they squeezed me in for an appointment for 45 minutes from then.
I took her to the back patio, hugged and stroked her, and began to cry.I knew she wouldn't be coming back from this trip.
The veterinarian and his assistant were wonderful and sympathetic.He gave me the option of trying a steroidal painkiller, similar to morpheme, but it was obvious he was hinting that I should have her put to sleep.He said she was certainly suffering.When I tried to stand her up, she kept falling.Her legs could no longer support her body.I decided that it was time.
They gave me a few minutes alone with her.I somehow choked through tears how much I loved her…how she was a better dog than I was an owner…and how I'll never forget her.
I stayed with her through the process.I knew it would be painful for me, but there was no way in hell I was going to let her leave this life scared in a sterile room with complete strangers.I stroked her face and constantly told her I loved her and how it was going to be okay.
Then she was gone.
They left me alone with her again.I didn't know what to do.I knew once I walked out that door I would never see her again.I stroked her a few seconds, and then kissed her on the cheek.I left, knowing she no longer suffered, and hoping like hell I did the right thing.
Rest in Peace, Smudge.I hope you're running and jumping on couches and beds wherever you are.I'll always love you.
Random Crap III: Random With a Vengeance (Replies)
Category: Life
1.You know, I never intended for these "Random Crap" blogs to be a weekly thing.For whatever reason, though, I enjoy it.I can just fire away at whatever topics cross my somewhat warped mind.Like…
2.There's a commercial out right now for the Dodge Caravan that shows this supposedly dysfunctional family, all doing their own thing apart from each other, when the mother brings home a new minivan.They all get in it, go for a ride, and all of a sudden they're one big smiling happy family.
Because of a minivan.
It's a load of crap, of course, but I wish the commercial writers would've gone ahead and furthered the "amazing" impact of the new minivan.Maybe the dialog inside the van could have been something like this:
Husband:"This new Dodge Caravan is great!I'm so happy to be in this family again.And to think, I was banging my secretary before we got it!"
Wife:"Really?I was blowing the milkman!"
Daughter:"Me too!"
Whole Family:"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Husband:"I love you guys." (Group hug)
3.I seem to have a LOT of readers who never comment.I know this, because a boatload of the MySpacers in my subscriber list immediately subscribed to the blog in my new MySpace Comedy profile the first time I asked...even though I never hear from them.I had assumed that a lot of my subscribers were people that never read me but don't delete their subscriptions.I guess there are quite a bit of you out there that read everything I write and simply never comment.Hey y'all:Just this once, come say "hi".I promise I won't bite.
4.It seems every year, the local government where I live enforces tighter and tighter restrictions as to when I'm allowed to water my yard.It used to be three days a week.Then it became two.Now it's 4 am – 8am Thursday mornings.What?That is exactly my sleeping schedule!No wonder my yard looks like the aftereffects of a forest fire.
If I were to ask a city councilman about the ridiculous schedule, he'd probably answer that it's set that way so as to fairly distribute the water to everyone.But that is complete bullshit.If I'm allowed four hours of watering, why can't they at least be in afternoon when I'm home and, you know, awake?I'll tell you why: they don't give a shit about fair distribution.They don't want you to water, period!If people did start getting up at 4 am to water, they'd change the law again:
City of Cape Coral Ordinance 6777, pg 63, para. 7 –All homes with odd-numbered addresses can only water their lawns between 3:56 am and 4:07 am on Thursdays.The homeowner must use an eyedropper and wear a tutu.All even-numbered addresses can only use gasoline.Don't like it?We're the government, and we have the guns.
5.I've noticed more and more websites are allowing readers to post comments after stories.You can go to MSNBC, ESPN, ZDNet, and many other sites and not only read the articles, but the comments of other readers.Sometimes the comments are well-written, most of the time they are thoroughly idiotic, but there is one thing all the comments have in common:
No one cares what was written.
Seriously, do you think ESPN cares what your stupid-ass opinion is of the latest Yankee signing?Do you think MSNBC cares what you think about the latest celebrity scandal?No one gives a shit what you post, just like you didn't give a shit about the 678 posts above yours.The webmasters simply know that the more ways they can get you to click the more chances that you'll click on an advertisement.Plus, they know you'll come back to see if anyone responded to the miserable tripe you wrote.
Of course, that is NOT what happens at this blog, where I absolutely love you all.
6.I've tried sending some friend requests from my new MySpace Comedy Profile to people who are already my friends in my old profile.I've learned something: A LOT of you don't accept friend requests from comedians.So, if you're one of them, and you want to maintain this special relationship we have together, you need to click here.
7.Diamond commercials before Christmas are getting ridiculous.They suckered us back in the 1930's with the concept of diamond engagement rings, did it again with tennis bracelets in the 80s, and now they're shoving pendants and "right hand rings" down our throats.Women keep falling for it and men keep buying it.What are they going to think of next?
(Soft romantic piano music; a handsome man is looking at his beautiful wife)
Voiceover: She gave you your first kiss…her hand in marriage…and you rewarded her with your everlasting love.But how will you show you love her this year? At Zale's we have the perfect gift to show her she is the most special woman in your life: The New Diamond Encrusted Anal Beads.Each Bead has three sparkling diamonds, one to represent your love, one to represent your future, and one we simply like to call "Sanchez".So show her how much you care…buy her Diamond Encrusted Anal Beads Today.
8. One of the reasons I love going to bed is because I know that for the ten minutes it takes for me to fall asleep, my imagination can create anything I want.Absolutely any scenario, any people, any damn thing I want.
Granted, I usually use that ability to create phenomenally kinky situations with upwards of three Victoria's Secret models, but still…
9.This edition of Random Crap is getting too long.
10.I think I'm going to the local comedy club tonight.Just to have a few drinks, a few laughs, and see how talented the local hacks are.I'll hope to have a good time while secretly hoping that the comedy is not all that good.I'm sure all night I'll be muttering to myself, "I'm better than this jackass".Is that wrong?
My Price Would Never Be Right (Replies)
Category: Life
(A few of you may recognize this piece, as it was posted on my Official Blog back in February and teased here. It's always been a favorite of mine.)
I found out recently that Bob Barker finally retired from hosting "The Price is Right" game show earlier this year. This is sad to me for a lot of reasons, not the least of which is that watching the show always seemed to bring me back to my childhood. And why wouldn't it? In the thirty plus years I've been watching it, nothing has ever changed. Same charming host, same gorgeous models, same idiot games, same ghastly stuck-in-the-sixties set, same moron contestants. Tuning in to The Price is Right is like going through some kind of time warp.
That said, I've always wanted to compete on the show, but only with Bob Barker as the host, which means I'll never get the chance. This is just as well, because there is one part of the show I absolutely detest. During the opening segment, where contestants bid on one item to see who gets to play an idiot game, I hate, and I mean really loathe, when a competitor bids exactly one dollar more than the previous contestant. I root for the latter to lose. I don't know what I would do if I were the victim of that strategy. I'd probably kick the guy under the podiums:
Bob Barker: "The first item up for bid is a beautiful pool table by Snotwick Industries. Joe, what's your bid?"
Me: "One thousand, Bob."
Bob Barker: "And Fred, what is your bid?"
Fred: "One thousand and one, Bob."
Bob Barker: "And Martha, what--"
Fred: "OWWW!"
Bob Barker: "Um…uh, Martha, what is--"
Fred: "BOB! This jackass next to me is kicking me!!"
Me: "I don't know what he's talking about, Bob."
And I just know it wouldn't end there. "One-Dollar-More" bidders always keep up their strategy, and I, being the stubborn mule I can be, would continue to give retribution. The second round:
Me (whispering to Fred): "If you outbid me by one dollar again, You're going to find that microphone jammed right up your—"
Bob Barker: "The next item up for bid is a gorgeous set of American Terrorist luggage. Joe, what is your bid?"
Me: (Giving Fred a dirty sideways look) "Um, eight hundred, Bob."
Bob Barker: "And Fred, what is your bid?"
Fred: (smugly) "eight hundred AND ONE, Bob."
(The camera starts jerking wildly as you briefly see a fist connect with Fred's jaw before complete pandemonium ensues. Podiums are knocked over. Martha gets clocked by a wild punch. After a commercial break order is restored.)
Bob Barker: "We sincerely apologize to the viewing audience for the interruption. Martha, what is your bid on the luggage?"
Martha:(bleeding above her right eye) "Can I just go back to my seat?"
Martha may want to give up, but not me and Fred. The hate between us would make Osama bin Laden and George W Bush look like a happy gay couple. You would not be able to cut the tension with a hacksaw. By the third round we'd both be ready to kill the other:
Bob Barker: "The next item up for bid is—"
Me (seething): "A BILLION DOLLARS, BOB!"
Bob Barker: "Wait, you don't even know what the item is y—"
Fred (snarling): "A BILLION AND ONE, BOB!"
Bob Barker: "But that's way too mu—"
Me: "AAAAAUGGHHH! I'LL KILL YOU, YOU SON OF—"
(screen goes black)
So I guess I would never be a winning bidder. In fact, I would be lucky to avoid a felony charge. It's just as well, because I'd probably also be a bitter winner. When I'm watching, it always cracks me up when the winner comes on stage and Bob Barker announces "you'll be playing for THIS!" Then the big door opens and the prize is something truly lame. You can always tell that the contestant was coached to act excited, no matter what it is. I don't think I could do that. I'd have to be honest about the prize:
Me: "Bob, what the hell am I going to do with a Real Mahogany Sewing Table?"
Bob Barker: "Um, like the announcer said, you'll surely get years of enjoyment—"
Me: "Bob, I'm a thirty-six year old bachelor! Why did the last contestant get a 'New Car' and I get stuck with this crap? I bet it isn't even worth a hundred bucks!"
Fred, yelling from off camera: "I bid a hundred and ONE, Bob."
Random Crap II: The Christmas Time Version (Includes a Video Clip of Me)
Category: Life
1.I hate television commercials this time of year.Every other ad on TV seems to tell me that if I'm not buying my loved one a $50,000 luxury SUV, I must be a lousy, cheap, hygiene-challenged pig farmer from Iowa.Who the hell are these people that buy Lexuses (Lexi?) and Cadillacs as Christmas presents?Just once I'd like to see a realistic version of one of those commercials:
(A couple is sitting next to their Christmas tree; she's opening a small present from him)
"Merry Christmas, honey."
(She opens the box to find a new set of car keys.)
"OH—oh my God!I can't believe this!I'm so happy!Where is it parked?"
"Where is what parked?"
"The—the new car."
"Bitch, I'm two months behind on my mortgage!I can't afford a new car!I had a new set of keys made for your old car!Merry Christmas."
2.Staying on the topic of Christmas presents: I have long railed against the giving of electric razors to men.No guy I know uses those damn things, basically because no one wants to start every morning running a mini-lawnmower across their face.However, I'm starting to have a change of heart.Why?
Has anyone priced refills on razor blades lately?!?
What the hell do they make those things out of?Unicorn?Why are they so damned expensive?I currently use a Gillette Fusion razor, and I almost vomit whenever I have to pick up refills.How can an 8-pack of refill cartridges cost $25?In the last fifteen years, Gillette has, in succession, sold the Sensor, Sensor Excel, Mach 3, and now the Fusion.With every new model, Gillette has:
1. Told us that their new model is a wonderful shaving dream
2. Told us that their old model really sucked.
3. Decreased the amount of cartridges in the refill packs.
4. Jacked up the price of the refill packs.
I think I see their game now.In two years there's going to be a commercial on TV similar to this:
"You are a modern man, and you want to experience shaving at its finest…that's why you need the new Gillette Orgasm. With eighteen blades, you'll experience shaving bliss like you've never felt before! You're not still using the Fusion, are you? Don't be a pig-faced, fat-headed, ugly moron. We readily admit the Fusion sucked. Go buy the new Orgasm today, and you can have women like this!"
(The commercial shows a gorgeous blonde that you could never in one billion years ever have caressing the face of some male model who probably doesn't even grow facial hair.)
Maybe I'll start growing a beard.
3.If you haven't already, please send a friend request to my new MySpace Comedy Profile.I hate that I have to start a new profile from scratch, but as Katrina Brown has told me many times, the benefits are worth it.I've already received an invitation to perform at an open mic down in Naples.I'm definitely doing it…I'm just trying to decide whether I want to bomb with my friends watching, or bomb all on my own.
4.I was screwing around with videos yesterday, and managed to upload a clip I took a few weeks ago.I was on a Ferris wheel of questionable structural integrity with my friends Noelle and Brian, and we were debating what our chances of survival would be if we fell:
5.By the way, why the hell is it that in TV Commercial-land, girls receive as Christmas presents cars and $5,000 jewelry, and guys get shafted with electric razors?
6.I'm embarrassed about the way I handled being plagiarized.Don't get me wrong: I'm still ticked my stuff got stolen, and I still believe the plagiarist's alibi ("I didn't take it from you…I asked permission from someone else who must have taken it from you!") is absolute crap, but I shouldn't have vented in my blog.People who use their blogs as diaries can get away with venting.I cannot, because my readers are fiercely loyal.I'm not complaining…I love each and every one of you that stood up for me.But I'm saying that I definitely should have handled it better.
7.I wrote a standup bit making fun of overweight people.For use here.In America.Where 75% of the population is either overweight or obese.It'll be a miracle if I don't get booed off stage.
8.I also wrote a bit making fun of gangsta rappers.So after I get booed off stage, I'll probably get rolled in the parking lot.
9.The games of Madden 2008 between Brian and I are getting intense.During games now, I'll literally jump off of the couch and yell, "THAT WAS PASS INTERFERENCE!WHERE'S THE GODDAMMED CALL FOR INTERFERENCE?!?!"Brian is not quite as vocal as I am, but last night he dropped some serious F-bombs after one of his cornerbacks blew a coverage and Joey Galloway (I always use my beloved Bucs) flew past him for what turned out to be the winning 80-yard touchdown.One thing we both agree on: even in video game world, NFL officials suck.
10.I think ten is a nice round number to end this version of "Random Crap".I have a lot of plans this weekend (two Christmas parties!), so I may not be on here as much.What little time I do spend on here will probably be to coerce people to add my Comedy profile.Have a great weekend!
Do You Have a Strong Back? I Need Help Moving to a New MySpace! (Update at Bottom)
Category: MySpace
I've started moving all of my stuff to a new profile, and I gotta tell ya, this is hard work!I mean, I'm building up a serious sweat.I've got boxes everywhere!I've got a box marked "for the 'About Me' section", another box marked "for the blog", another box marked "miscellaneous" that I guess I'll have to go through, and another box marked "midget porn" for the—
WHOOPS!Um, uh…I'll just be keeping that last box to myself, if you don't mind.
Anyway, most of you don't have to do anything but come over and send me a friend request.I'm hoping that by January, I'll have everything and everyone over there, making it my Official MySpace Page.I'll still be blogging here for the time being, but if you like my stuff you probably better go ahead and subscribe to the new blog as well.
However, if you do insist on helping, I'll be supplying plenty of pizza, snacks and beer.* Most of the stuff is boxed and ready to go, but I'm going to really need a hand with the biggest item: my ego.I'm warning you, it is heavy.
So what are you waiting for?Send me a friend request now!
*As anyone who's been reading my bulletins will tell you, the pizza is bad, my dog ate the snacks, and the beer is from a keg, flat, and skunky.
Update: Since I posted this blog, I've received about fifty friend requests at my new profile.So, if one blog equals fifty friend requests, and I still have eleven hundred more people to go, that means I only have to post twenty-two more blogs whoring out my new MySpace!It's that great?Aren't you looking forward to me badgering you constantly to befriend me?
Well, if not, then you best come over for the crappy beer and befriend me now.
Apparently My Last Blog Was Good Enough to Plagiarize (UPDATE: His Response)
Category: Blogging
Update: In retrospect, I feel kind of bad that he got bombarded with messages/comments before he had a chance to respond. But, while I've apologized to him for that twice now, I'm wondering: "Hey…am not I the one who got his blog stolen? Shouldn't someone be apologizing to me?" Anyway, I've replied to everyone, and his response is blogdicked on page one.
I'm sure this probably isn't the first time this has happened, but it's the first time I've caught it.It wouldn't have bothered me that much if he at least credited me for the original, but there was nothing anywhere in the blog or the comments.
Hey, Last of a Dying Breed, if you read this: I understand if you thought it was some MySpace survey or the like.But it wasn't.And it is never cool (nor legal) to steal someone else's creative works.
I guess, in a way, this is a good thing."Plagiarism is the sincerest form of flattery".
Do YOU Qualify to be Slow Joe’s Girlfriend? (Update with replies)
Category: Romance and Relationships
I'm often asked why I'm seemingly always single.Almost daily I hear: "Joe, how can someone as charming, handsome, sweet, modest, and adorable as yourself possibly not have a girlfriend?"It is certainly quite a conundrum, and I'm as mystified as anyone else.A few naysayers have tried to hint to me that I've set my standards too high.Have I?I don't think holding out for a six-foot-tall neurosurgeon/former supermodel with an Eastern European accent is too much to ask.
Okay, okay, okay...maybe I am being too choosy.That's why, solely as a service to any potential mates out there, I've developed a multiple choice test that determines your "Slow Joe-worthiness".I'm sure your immediate reaction is, "Wow, Joe!This looks like it was a lot of work!Thank you so much!"Think nothing of it…I'm all about helping out my readers.Now, let's begin:
1.Look inside your pants right now.What do you see?
a) A vagina
b) A penis
c) It's too hairy to tell for sure
Note: If you answered anything other than "a", you may go ahead and put your pencil (haha!) down.
2.What is your opinion of high heel shoes?
a) They're painful to wear and designed to make women look like sex objects.I don't own any.
b) They're fashionable and fun to wear for short periods of time.
c) I think they should enact a law that women have to wear at least four-inch heels at all times, even during labor.
3.How soon is sex appropriate in a relationship?
a) I would only feel comfortable having sex after we're married.
b) I think sex is fine at a point where we both feel committed to each other.
c) I'm getting horny just reading this test.
4.What kind of work habits or employment are you seeking in a mate?
a) I expect that he work fairly hard to provide for his family.
b) I have a career as well, so we just need to strike a good work/life balance.
c) Work?As soon as I receive this multi-million dollar divorce settlement, you and I can travel around the world!
5.What is your opinion of threesomes?
a) They're disgusting.Sex should be between one man and one woman.
b) Though I prefer just to have sex with my mate, I'd be willing to experiment with another woman.
