One of the terrible things about TV is it functions on the same psychological mechanics that fast food restaurants do. Namely, the more something is on, the more the same people will watch it because it's comforting to know what's going to happen. Sigh. So, I've been watching Major Payne quite a bit of late.
The movie is about a severely uptight marine who is put in charge of group of underage cadets. Of course this allows for lots of chemistry between the marine DI and the overly sensitive lady school counselor. Their first date is my favorite part of the movie. Payne inhales his dinner then more or less gets challenged to a dance. On the dance floor the Major proves as lethal as on the parade ground as he proceeds to bust many a move to 'Pop that Koochi.' And that's when it hit me…
How come there are so many songs about girl parts and so few songs about boy parts?
Okay, you done laughing yet? I'm serious. I thought about this a long time and except for Chuck Berry's My Ding-a-ling, I couldn't think of a single song about men's 'swingage.' Maybe there are dozens and I just don't know them because, well, there's only one man's appendage that I care enough about to serenade. And to tell you the truth, I seldom sing to my trouser buddy, though I have been known to pretend it's a baton when romantic opportunity and inspiration and a specific Marvin Gaye melody intersect. But that's a matter for another blog.
Think about it. We've got Shake Your Groove Thing, Baby's got Back, Back that Thing Up, Hot legs, Rock the Boat, Rock the Cradle of Love, Open Your Box, Push It, Juicy Fruit and Lady Marmalade (gitchi, gitchi ya-ya da da). And that list isn't even close to being exhaustive. I forgot almost as many titles as I listed because my fingers couldn't keep up.
Now it's true, many a song about the 'deed' can be sung from any kind of body to any kind of body. O.P.P. can apply to either 'P' you might be meaning to reference. And Freak Me Baby, might well apply even if the person being sung to were male. And what is probably my favorite of the erotic songs, I'm Gonna Make You Sweat, might, I admit, be just as valid if sung to a man. But be honest, when you hear the phrase, "soaking wet," are you visualizing fluids dripping off a bratwurst? I didn't think so.
Clearly the tote board is heavy on the side of the 'innies' and that doesn't strike me as fair!
Now I don't think I'm going to get any feedback on this one, because you ladies are clearly NOT ready to voice your appreciation of that which lies in the nether regions of man-land. I get it. This is one of those one-way streets. But it felt like it was time and somebody had to say something, so I did.
You know me, I am a liberal. No apologies. Liberal sentiment toppled empires, freed the slaves, (most of them anyway), and gave women the vote. So I have few problems being called a liberal, even when it is pronounced like the taste of bile accompanies the word. I'm that kind of liberal. A Rachel Madow listening liberal. A Keith Obermann watching liberal. But less and less can I say that I'm a Bill Maher liberal. And yes, it's the 'Santa-Jesus' thing.
Maher's movie, Religulous, opened last night and I'm already anticipating the impact it's going to have on fellow liberals. Maher argues that religion is stupid. That it's stupid to believe in things you can't see. That this stupidity invariably shows up as pedophile priests, greedy tele-evangelists and an electorate that can be manipulated to follow anyone amoral enough to assert that God wants you to 'vote for them and not the other guy.' I can't argue with most of that, but I take exception to the damning of religious convictions along with the practices of religious institution.
Maher says about his movie, "I'm not looking to make a religion of non-religion…" But he will, and that's the point. An institution will crystallize about his assertions, not because they are truer than other viewpoints but because they will be as popular as other viewpoints. Popular viewpoint asserted by a celebrity, which precipitates the formation of an institution. That's as good of a working definition of religion as I can think of. Add some misogyny and you're there mister! This movie will encourage an army of disciple surveyors to descent upon anyone who believes in anything to 'prove it!' Mark, my words by the end of the month there will be thousands who'll claim that Bill Maher invented the "good" atheism.
I myself have no trouble summoning up disdain for certain religious practices like dogma for instance. But it isn't as if religion was the only arena where the dogmatic holds sway. Religious intolerance can get pretty dogmatic too. And that's where I'd like to caution Mr. Maher. I get it. Religion is a pretty good straight man. What with the magic underpants, the Vatican guards, the secret gestures and overtly outdated traditions, a comedian is set for life, if one is careful to be even handed. Still, pointing and laughing isn't exactly 'rational criticism' is it? And asking ordinary devotees to explain theological mystery proves what? That matters of faith are complex? Duh, that's why they're matters of FAITH!
For the better part, I hang with a crowd who pride themselves as smart but accepting folk. We'll argue the political but generally when the conversation strays into areas of faith we fall silent. Not because we don't have spiritual beliefs but because we do. Our silence is the silence of conviction. My truth is that I find only one thing less credible than the existence of a sentient force behind the billions of years and impossible vastness of the Universe. And, that single less credible possibility is that there is no sentient force beyond that of human kind. That all the beauty, harmony and principle, everywhere evident is the result of a really big explosion and time acting as the proverbial infinite typewriting monkeys.
The people of science say that the something beyond science is 'as yet undiscovered science.' The people of spirituality say that the something beyond science is Spirit. And the really crazy folk, the nut-jobs like me say that the science beyond science and the Spirit are one.
GOOD NEWS: I’M WELL. BAD NEWS: I’M ALONE.
Category: Life
I refuse to get started on the bad news in the news, so this one is personal. I've been resistant to writing about me for some reason but it's the only good news going.
Mom's is well and recovering from her surgery. Haven't seen her much as I'm recovering slowly from a cold that I don't want to share with her. She's got her voice back. She's back to bossing her people around and watching her stories. And I'm sure in no time she'll be up to helping the "old" people around her complex. (Her words, I'm not kidding).
Yesterday I completed my test at a cardio-diagnostic center. 89%. What does that mean? I have no clue. I only know that I wanted to put the thing off as I'm not totally over the cold and I figure that next week the Doctor is going to say something like, "You under performed on the stress test so we're going to have to put you on… " But I'm not going to go there. Except for the lousy taste in my mouth, the whole thing was fun. Basically, they injected me with something that they can track with radio-photography. Phillip, my tech describes the taste people complain about as 'slightly metallic.' I would describe it as a combination of burnt plastic and ass. But who am I to argue with an expert.
The class size of my two largest groups has fallen to 43 a piece. I can live with it but it really is about class size. If they had been 41 or under from day one, the students and I would have already have established a history of success, like I have with the period one class of 34 kids. There I posted the 3 week marks and they had 24 A's and 1 fail. The other two classes has 9 and 13 fails respectively. The bigger the class, the larger the number of fails. I've seen it time and time again and the studies bear it out. Yet the drum the administration beat over and over is "Teach with Rigor!" Anyway, like I said, the good news is the size of the classes have come down, so the kids have a chance.
I've got two more physical assessments coming up. One for my vision and one for a nutritionist. I have to pick up one of those blood sugar testers but other than feeling lazy as hell these days, I don't 'feel' diabetic. I certainly haven't seen the 'sudden weight loss' that suppose to mark the transition into the disease. But that's why God made Doctors. My Blood Pressure is under control with the meds and the moderate exercise. The last two readings I've had have both been under the 130/80 barrier.
The bad news is that my Bruins are dreadful! And my fantasy team isn't much better. The good news is that I'm not invested on either account. And my other favorite football team, whoever is playing against USC, is doing pretty good! Peace, my peoples.
I'm back at school and that means another year of me struggling with me. I'm teaching mostly 10th graders this year and, as always, the 15 year olds are a mix. Never a class so aptly named: sophomores. Half wise, half foolish. I can't blame them for class sizes though, and that is my challenge this year. One class of 44 and one of 48. Studies have shown, as class size go up, the learning curve goes down. Still, the rhetoric coming from administrators is 'More calls home but from school phones only. Post assignments on the school webpage, but don't give the kids your personal email.' Be more caring but don't care.
The new buzzword this school year is "rigor." We're to raise the bar. To what end? The kids perform to the level of expectation. As far as I can tell, no one expects anything of these kids beyond not getting brought home in a police cruiser. The kids are packed like sardines and if I were a parent, I think I would've checked on my kid's classroom. Want to know how many parents I've seen thus far? Little hint: you could count them without removing your shoes, even if you had no hands.
Already, in nine days I've beaten my last year's record for referrals, in that I've written one. Last year I tried hard to give the counselors a break but not this year. I don't know what's going on for them but instead of balancing my classes, they keep sending students to check in to my biggest classes. I see it already, mediocrity. Robert the baby-sitter. Where the f*** are the parents? I can't blame the kids for being restless. Why not, act out? If the teachers had any power, the kids wouldn't be sitting on the floor!
I've got to apologize to my Mom. There were six of us. Six. And I never had a doubt that education was important to her. None of us did. Every single one of us graduated high school. Maybe there was one GED in there but even so, we beat the odds. But the person I really need to apologize to is me. For buying the BS, flying down the pike about teachers being the third parents. These kids don't need a third parent; they need the first one or two. But no one wants to wake up the absentee parents. No one wants pull the wool off a broken system that parents working too many hours count on to complete a job they don't have time for.
God love you if you have kids. God love you if you know your kids teachers. God love you if you've seen your kids classroom. God bless and keep you loving parents.
Obama said something at the convention that stuck a cord. "Teachers can't turn off the TV." Well teachers can't make sure that a school that went through a total reorganization is still functioning! Not when their wages have been slashed, their health care threatened and their class sizes pushed beyond all reasonable limits. What I want to know is, what are these kids, ditching classes, late to school, collecting referrals--what are these kids answering when their parents ask: Learn anything new today?
I'm back at school and that means another year of me struggling with me. I'm teaching mostly 10th graders this year and, as always, the 15 year olds are a mix. Never a class so aptly named: sophomores. Half wise, half foolish. I can't blame them for class sizes though, and that is my challenge this year. One class of 44 and one of 48. Studies have shown, as class size go up, the learning curve goes down. Still, the rhetoric coming from administrators is 'More calls home but from school phones only. Post assignments on the school webpage, but don't give the kids your personal email.' Be more caring but don't care.
The new buzzword this school year is "rigor." We're to raise the bar. To what end? The kids perform to the level of expectation. As far as I can tell, no one expects anything of these kids beyond not getting brought home in a police cruiser. The kids are packed like sardines and if I were a parent, I think I would've checked on my kid's classroom. Want to know how many parents I've seen thus far? Little hint: you could count them without removing your shoes, even if you had no hands.
Already, in nine days I've beaten my last year's record for referrals, in that I've written one. Last year I tried hard to give the counselors a break but not this year. I don't know what's going on for them but instead of balancing my classes, they keep sending students to check in to my biggest classes. I see it already, mediocrity. Robert the baby-sitter. Where the f*** are the parents? I can't blame the kids for being restless. Why not, act out? If the teachers had any power, the kids wouldn't be sitting on the floor!
I've got to apologize to my Mom. There were six of us. Six. And I never had a doubt that education was important to her. None of us did. Every single one of us graduated high school. Maybe there was one GED in there but even so, we beat the odds. But the person I really need to apologize to is me. For buying the BS, flying down the pike about teachers being the third parents. These kids don't need a third parent; they need the first one or two. But no one wants to wake up the absentee parents. No one wants pull the wool off a broken system that parents working too many hours count on to complete a job they don't have time for.
God love you if you have kids. God love you if you know your kids teachers. God love you if you've seen your kids classroom. God bless and keep you loving parents.
Obama said something at the convention that stuck a cord. "Teachers can't turn off the TV." Well teachers can't make sure that a school that went through a total reorganization is still functioning! Not when their wages have been slashed, their health care threatened and their class sizes pushed beyond all reasonable limits. What I want to know is, what are these kids, ditching classes, late to school, collecting referrals--what are these kids answering when their parents ask: Learn anything new today?
I want to thank Senator McCain for making it clear who I'm voting for this November. This last few months has been agonizing. There aren't many Republicans that I can listen to for more than a few minutes without tearing at my ears, but McCain is an exception. The man is a good man. He's not a Senator because of ego and he's not a Party front man. He's carrying on a tradition of public service that runs deep in his family and I admire that. So it was painful to see him pitted against my Party, the Democrat Party, at such a pivotal time in the history of this nation.
I like McCain and I've admired the things that he has tried to do over the years. Immigration and campaign finance reform, come to mind, as does the fact that the ineffectiveness of these legislations due to successful Republican efforts to fill McCain reforms with loopholes. Still, I've always viewed McCain as a man of integrity, until this campaign. The ship of "McCain's integrity" has sailed. He's abandoned his "anti-lobbyist" stance and now has 3 or 4 of the most Machiavellian lobbyists in his advisory. And he's abandoned his "anti-theocracy" rhetoric, in an effort to capture the religious Right. And he's abandoned his anti-negative campaign/ attack ads philosophy and taken on one of Karl Rove's disciples to run his campaign. And did he choose someone unqualified to be 'a heartbeat from the Presidency' in order to maximize his chance of getting elected? Absolutely!
I ask myself why he did it and I don't like what occurs to me. I can't claim the Republican Party as being misogynist. Our nation is misogynist enough that tossing that term around too often will make it meaningless. Democrats have congratulated themselves silly over the Ferraro and Senator Clinton bids for the executive. But it doesn't change the facts that Ferraro was 28 years ago and Hillary didn't win the nomination. No, I think the Palin nomination doesn't say so much about either Party as it does about McCain the man and the part of him that got left in that Vietcong POW camp.
McCain came home hungry to be with a passionate and statuesque beauty-- the love of his life. What he found waiting for him was an older, damaged and diminished survivor of a devastating car accident. I believe that since then McCain has been looking to get back what was taken from him: the youth, the passion, the love, in short, the sex. The evidence surfaces when McCain, not a guarded man, is most at ease. Then we see how matter of fact he is about his extra-marital affair, playfully using the C-word with his wife, and now, checking out his nominee's ass throughout her acceptance speech!
Still, I say that John is a good man and a damaged man.
Many parallels have been drawn between this election and the election of 1860 and with valid reason. Obama compares favorably to Lincoln, as former Vice President Al Gore pointed out at the Democrat Convention.
And, there are more than a few parallels between McCain and Lincoln's opponent in that race, Stephen Douglas. No one has accused McCain being a "great orator," as Douglas was known, but one could argue a similarity of temperament between the two. And Obama's speech made clear, that the question of the McCain 'temperament' will be part of the run for the White House. Another Douglas/McCain connection is in the area of the decision making process. Lincoln was big on assembling a group of the most intelligent and competent and allowing decisions to emerge from dialogue, whereas Douglas was much less transparent. Again and again during the Lincoln/Douglas debates, Douglas would assert that he had the problems of the nation all worked out and folk should trust to his superior experience and not to quibble about the details. Douglas insisted, the nation had avoided secession under Andrew Jackson that, "wink-wink," they would again, if the nation made the correct choice of President. McCain has run a campaign worthy of Stephen Douglas himself. Insisting on details from Obama and then co-opted the best and labeling others as "obviously" flawed. His campaign is largely based on bluster and the insistence that now is not a time to trust to inexperience when the deeper truth is that now is not a time to trust to bluster.
I want to thank Senator John McCain for giving me the opportunity to cast a vote in the 1860 election. And, yes, I'm voting Republican. I'm voting for LINCOLN!
ROBERT NEEDS... the GOOGLE BLOG
Category: Blogging
Okay, according to my friend Carolyn, this blog, based on GOOGLING, my first name followed by 'needs, wants, knows, has and was,' results in something REALLY FUNNY!
Got to say, in my case... not so much:
Robert needs: Most of the page 1 'google' has to do with a Season 7 episode of Everybody loves Raymond: "Robert needs money." (Couldn't hurt).
Robert also needs,
…needs love (at Comic com),
…needs to make more nisu (a type of bread)
and on a German Myspace profile,
…needs A HUG! Or to be more precise: "gehört zu deinem erweiterten Netzwerk." Couldn't have said it better myself.
Robert wants: (Brace yourself, these responses were all totally gay).
…wants 'query refinement. (I warned you).
" …wants a tattoo?" (Not so gay you say? Note the question mark)!
And on a webpage named: Men alone ('nuff said),
…wants to observe the distance between the artist and the ordinary man. (Is it just me, or does that sound slightly pornographic)?
Robert knows:
… how to apply the Accrual Method. (To hell he does)!
…knows Japanese. (See note above).
…knows how to get down. (Was excited for a second, then realized it's about knowing how to use a computer program. Sigh).
…knows he's succeeded for the day when he can get the students engaged in debating a topic. (True)!
Robert has (totally geeky google).
…has a message for Viacom.
…has a keen weather eye.
… has been with Waterman for over 18 years
and, ...has acquired Preferred Editor status. (Apparently, Robert has NO LIFE)!
Robert was… (These are all obits. Bummer).
…Robert Johnson (a blues musician and the only multiple entry on page one, with 3 entries).
…Robert F. Kennedy (Attorney General under his brother John F. Kennedy and Presidential candidate until his assassination in 1968).
The upside and downside of Obama's Delaware running mate.
To quote today's New York Herald headlines: It's Joe! In going with Senator Joseph Biden of Delaware, Obama went with the smart, conservative choice. With most of his backing screaming for Obama to knock it out of the park, Barack chose instead to make sure that he's at least on base in position to be brought home come November. Here are some of the reasons why, the Biden bid are the equivalent of an Obama bunt.
He's experienced. Biden came to Washington in 1972. Count 'em folks, that's 36 years. The choice of Biden has effectively balanced the "experience" issue. If he had first come to DC as a zygote, it would still be Constitutional for him to be named as Obama's running mate today. Even with that, he's a half dozen years younger than McCain. So, all those oh so subtle digs about 'Grampa' McCain are still good!
He's Catholic. Obama has polled weak in this demographic, a sector that Biden has consistently carried in his State. The question is, will it carry in the Southwest and Florida, where the issue mixes race with religion? Obama had the option of choosing Richardson and didn't. This opens up the possibility of McCain going radical and making a grab for the young, Latin / Catholic vote. Clearly, Obama doesn't think there's much chance of McCain doing that as it might cost McCain the Conservative vote.
He's known for bipartisanship. Biden's bipartisanship does counter a little of the 'Lieberman' factor, but is it enough? Is it enough to capture the Jewish vote or the Reagan Democrats, if in fact any Reagan Democrats still exist.
He has deep roots, roots in Pennsylvania, roots shaping foreign policy and has a great voting record on issues impacting veteran's rights. Warranted or not, these issues are strong areas for McCain. But it has yet to be shown that American hawks can tell the difference between the pro-Soldier candidate and the pro-Military candidate.
And last but far from least among his positives, Biden is a working class White. And before you ask, yes, it is relevant. The race issue clearly cost Obama a few States in the primary (West Virginia to name one) and many other State races probably won't be close with Biden along side Obama, trumping the Race card.
And now for the downside:
He, like Hillary, ran against Obama this election cycle. That means he had some stuff to say about why Obama wasn't the correct choice. And guess who is editing that footage, even as we speak.
He was never in the military. We can't lose sight of the fact that America is involved in two wars. And what's worse is that conditions throughout the Middle-east lend credence to the possibility of even deeper war involvement. The 2006 election cycle showed that America has cooled on involvement in Iraq, but the 2004 election cycle showed that America still prefers hawk over dove, where all else is equal. And when there's but one military person out there and he's a decorated hero to boot, all things aren't equal.
He's not rich. He's not nearly as rich as McCain or Romney or even Obama. And, in another election this might be a plus but for the fact that the economy is in such a critical state. Times like these, Americans tend to go with the rich guy. And if McCain goes with Romney, all the chips are on one side of the table.
The geography is all wrong. He's not from the South. He's not from the West. He's not from a big State. Well, actually, he is, in that originally Biden is from Pennsylvania. Still, Obama is wide open if McCain were to go with Giuliani. True, Giuliani does come with some baggage but whatever juice is left in the 9/11 batteries; Giuliani might deliver as well as the huge State of New York.
And last but far from least, he's not Hillary. Looking back, picking anyone other than Hillary as a running mate might prove to be the story of 2008, for Barack Obama. For good or for ill, Obama put the Hillary legacy on hold and there are at least a few million folk out there who will feel that Biden is sitting in Hillary's seat. It hasn't been heard in awhile but it's doubtful that McCain has uttered his last, "my good friend, Hillary Clinton," just yet.
TOP 10 BULLETINS I CAN DO WITHOUT…
Category: MySpace
In the spirit of. "Forgive them Lord, they know not what they do..." I'm offering my top 10 bulletins that I'd like to never see again:
10 Any survey containing the question "What are you doing right now?"
Only cartoon characters have the right to be that stupid!
9 Any bulletin that purports to be a test of whether or not I'm really paying attention. Want my full attention? Try sending me, um, I don't know… AN EMAIL!
8 Any bulletin that threatens my love life or any aspect thereof. E.G. The forfeiture of kisses, sex, make-out sessions, foot massages and / or bondage.
7 Any bulletin that threatens me with eternal damnation if I don't repost evidence that I'm a Christian. Listen, if God's checking out MySpace to see who's a Christian and who's not… we're ALL going to hell!
6 Any survey that asks me what else I do in the shower besides shower. That I shower is the beginning and the end of your business.
5 Any bulletin recruiting me to join a gang, a death squad, becoming a felon, brawler, mobster and / or a lesbian ninja assassin. (Actually, at a later date, I might want to get in on some of that killer lesbo action).
4 Any bulletin me to help judge ANYTHING THAT ISN'T stuck to, draped around, emanating from, about to be pulled off of and / or protruding from the body of a mature, curvaceous female… of my species! (Got wet tee-shirt pix, I'm your man! Otherwise, Stockholm is thattaway).
3 Any bulletin where the person is SUPPOSEDLY asking an unbiased political question but has obviously already made up their minds and is asking you to agree without thought, just because you accepted their MySpace friendship. (In other words, NO, I don't think Obama wants every American female to have an abortion, just to appease feminists
and… NO, I don't think that John McCain's first name was changed from Methuselah.
2 Any bulletin that has to be sent to all of MySpace because somewhere there is ONE asshole who is being an… uh, what is the word I'm looking for, 'asshole!'
Newsflash: the reason assholes are out there doing "assholey" things is to get attention. Want them to stop? IGNORE THEM!!!
AND THE NUMBER 1 BULLETIN I CAN DO WITHOUT IS… any bulletin where the title promises
THE SECRET TO MULTIPLE, EARTHSHAKING ORGASMS, and then when I open it says…
I knew you would open this you pervert. Ha, ha. Repost.
