Sudbury (AP)-- In a report from Parliament Hill today, MP Hank McCain issued a short statement stating he will suspend his campaign in order to meet with top economic officials in an attempt to stave off an economic meltdown here in Canada.
What may have been the top news story of the week was trumped today on the national news front by the annual "Chicks with Guns" convention being held in Kingston, Ontario.
................
Apparently Hank McCain's potential nominee for Deputy Prime Minister, Bunny St. Croix. St. Croix, the former Hooter's waitress is running in her home town of Trois Rivieres, QC, is running on the platform of "Beer and Guns are cool, tabarnac!!!" This political strategy is proving popular among young Quebec males, although they had no clue who Hank McCain was, the potential next Prime Minister of Canada.
The party faithful expressed some concern when McCain didn't show up at the meetings with financial giants this afternoon. CBC photographer's caught up with him in his close friend Clem's living room.
(AP Photo)
When asked, "What in the hell are you doing here, Hank?", Hank muttered something about "her not leaving" and he was going to "give it a rest".
At this point confidante Clem offered: "He ain't goin' nowheres!!! Now git outta my livin' room!!!!"
It appears as though Hank has conceded the election in which voters go to the polls tomorrow. He has resigned himself to a life of Halo 3. A far cry from his once lofty pursuits.
Now, more chicks with guns......
................
Now that's a helluva lot more fun than any ol' Federal Election, now ain't it? We all wish Hank well in his XBox 360 pursuits!!!!!
yeah, so, after some soul-searching, I figured it was time for some sophomoric goofiness. Yes. Wine, women and song.......
(as far as the search goes......didn't find a soul.....oh bother!!!!)
So......here's wine and woman combined.....
OK.....so that's not wine. It's hooch. And you are right. There's no cootch! OK....so instead of wine and women.....it's hooch hiding the cootch!!! Blame those photobucket bastards!!! Oh, and Tom too. He ain't got much artistic appreciation when it comes to the naked female form. Oh, and maybe not outright smut either! The tightass!!!!
So.....song? Hmm....what can we do about song......something that would appeal to the masses. Something nice.......
OK.....how about this....
................
That's wine, women and song all wrapped into one!
Not enough?
Some wine and woman..........
Geezus!!!! Alright......here goes.....
Not only do women go well with wine and song.......cake too!!!! I like cake!!!!
I like my martinis shaken........and my women stirred.....
So.....there.....I told ya I would post something devoid of the sappiness that's plagued me over the last while......
Well folks, the blogs have been pretty sparse. I was all set to write about stinky things, sex, silliness, or whatever else came to mind. However, took a 180 and became introspective. Yes, it happens during the wee hours of the morning where there is only silence around. Normally the headphones with some Rob Zombie, or the like can turn that around. It didn't happen last night. So the introspection continued.
I ended up searching through my hard drive to find a particular song. I found it. It was by Xavier Rudd. He's a pretty talented Australian folk singer. Check him out. He is very talented.
Anyway, found the song. Listened to the shit out of it. And so here I am. This morning though, although the introspection can and does kick the shit out of me (there I go with the stinky things!!!), at some point I need to turn that around.
It's kinda like cranking the rusty old gears on a drawbridge.....Takes some work. Some farts and grunts and a whole lot of ass and elbow! But maybe I turned the corner today. So, while searching for the song that tore my heart out, I found this one. It's about good people, helping the world. It kind of struck a chord with me today. My brother just got back from Africa where he did dental work for kids in Nairobi. So today, I'm going to concentrate on some of the good things. Take a listen. Hopefully it brings some inspiration in a world that is too often roiling in shit......(see? stinky things!!! can't get away from that......Anyway....have a listen. I'm going to try and do something good today....like not smack somebody (who really could use it) between the fuckin' eyes with a tackhammer! Good of me, huh?
These are the 30 questions, now you're supposed to post a blog with the answers to them and the only way people can get the questions is if they do a blog with the answers
He’d heard it all before. He seemed rather bored.He let out a long, slow sigh.Settling himself on the porch waiting for another story. It was the same story, over and over again.But Hank seemed to like telling it.It brought a smile to his face.Because of this, he would listen again.He wouldn’t go play in the yard to avoid the story.This was his life as Hank’s dog.And besides, the old guy loved him.And he was good to him.
.. ..
“Well, Bruin, you would have loved her too.” reasoned Hank as he started a slow steady swing on the porch. His coffee cup was full and it was hot. This was going to be one of those stories.
.. ..
He lit a cigarette. He took a long haul and got that far away look in his eyes.
.. ..
She was beautiful, and full of life. I remember her that first night. She was radiant.I was broken.You wouldn’t believe how broken I was.And she was there.I didn’t know it at that time, but she would become my lover, and more than that, my best friend.....
.. ..
Ha!You would have laughed at me!Well, if you could laugh!Guess dogs don’t fuckin’ laugh do they Bruin?Haha!Oh Bruin, you are a good dog.Hell, putting up with my stories like you do!Glad to have you, buddy.....
.. ..
But you would have laughed at your old Hank!I was nervous as all hell.She kissed me, she did!I was blown away!Then we were up in her room, and I had to bust outta there!This old hillbilly wasn’t used to women and their attentions. It had been a long, long time since I’d been with a woman.She skeered this old fella, she did.I needed a cigarette.Yes, I smoked back then too.....
.. ..
Well we did everything that night. Well no! Ha!We didn’t do that.But we laughed, we cried, we talked about everything.Then we danced.Yes, we did! Now I swear that you are laughing! Naw, but really.We did dance, in the dark of her room.Holding her against me was the most wonderful feeling in the world.Ya know, that was just a couple of days after Guinny was killed in ....Afghanistan.....Like I told ya, I was broken.And she saved me.....
.. ..
It could have stayed just like that. But no, it didn’t.She made a big mistake.She let me get to know her.You know that she is wonderful, don’t ya?Have I told you that before?She has this fire inside of her.She has this passion that you can get drunk on.And drink I did!....
.. ..
It went on for over two years, ya know? Yep!Two years, back and forth.We were together, then apart, then together again.I even went so far as to run with another woman for awhile. But you know, that whole time, all I could think of was her!I would always wonder what she was doing, was she happy, did she think of me?....
.. ..
You’d a thunk me crazy, don’t ya know. ....
.. ..
We got together that last time. We met up, we did.We spent four days together.It was a tough four days.I would ache when I saw her.I can still remember what she looked like when I first saw her.You know at this point we hadn’t seen each other for a long while.I knocked on the door and she opened it for me.I didn’t grab her like I’d wanted.I had all these crazy ideas floating around in my noggin.But we did talk like old friends.I sat in the chair across from hers in that room.I looked at her while she talked.You know that woman can bring me to tears.Felt like bursting many times over the next four days.....
.. ..
Well we went to a movie that night. It was a love story!We were just good friends we kept telling ourselves. You know you can lie to yourself pretty good.Well that night, we proved not to be just friends.I felt as if I was on top of the world.The woman I was so in love with, loved me back.....
.. ..
And so, for the next four days, we loved, laughed and cried.We pretended we were WE again.We both knew that we couldn’t be together.But for that small moment in time, we were WE.....
.. ..
Now, I know what you are thinking. Why didn’t we just stay together? Well, Bruin, ya know, I would have loved to wake up each day to that woman.But we had separate lives.So many things stood in the way.It just wasn’t meant to be.....
.. ..
So, ya, we did part ways.We decided that yes, we loved each other. We knew we would long for each other over the years. I remember sitting in the van, in the rain, in that parking lot. Tears filled her eyes.Tears filled mine.I think we knew that it might be last time.Those tears told me she loved me.To be loved by that woman is something else, Bruin. I cried many tears for that woman.You seen me.Ah, Bruin, she was a great lady!She sure did ol Hank here a lot of good.I sure did love her.....
.. ..
Yes he had seen the old man cry.He’d seen him, each time he told the story.Tears would well up in his eyes, and he’d smile at the same time.Bruin decided he loved this story.And although he seemed to miss her, she sure brought the old fella a lot of good memories…..
.. ..
Well, I guess the story is over.He’s getting up from the swing and getting another coffee.I hope he gets me one of those treats.He’s a good old fella.Wish they could have made it together…….
4:42 AM - My cup runneth over....becauth I'm drunketh, and I stumbleth, and spilleth....
Category: Life
I'm such an idioth!!!
Actually, not drunketh.
Just wrapping up what has been and experience. As much as I would like to tell you all what has been going on, I can't. Don't worry. It's been good. Well, it's been bad.
Ok. It's been joyous. Well, yeah, but it's been sorrowful.
Geez.....It's been exciting. Well, sure, but it's been terrifying.
Holy fuck.....It's been enlightening. OK, but it's also mired my brain.
Well, it's been wonderful..........but it's been horribly distressing.
Holy! Well it's made me smile......although, there has been a lump in my throat and tears welling up frequently......
OK. Without confusing myself more.......
I will be back to regular blogging very soon. And although that's all I can say at the moment about the past few days.....I will say this.....
I am not sick....(OK, not in the needing medical intervention to prevent death sick......although "lying-on-a-couch-wondering-what -my-analyst-looks-like-naked-sick" has not been ruled out....)
I am not moving......(At least today......although that may occur in the near future....)
I am not leaving MySpace.....(Although one of those melodramatic blogs crying out that "I am tired of all the bullshit around here".....might be fun!!!!.......actually all of the bullshit I have experienced here, I've spewed out myself!!! LOL)
I am not going to jail........(at least not yet.....although when Bill Curtis is finished finding the internet all over the world and gets back to his [insert sleepy little town name here] was a sleepy little town.....or was it???? " stuff......well you never know....)
I haven't cooked any amazing meals....(of course I have broken bread with some amazing company over the last few days....)
I haven't developed any breakthrough theories....(although some answers have been revealed....)
I haven't found the answers to life's questions.....(although some of those questions have come back to the forefront....)
I haven't stolen a car......(well,.......I haven't!!!!)
But I do believe that I am in a better place than a was a few short days ago......(or maybe a worse place????)
FUCK DEANER!!!! STOP THAT!!!!
Oh!!! OK!!!! Sorry guys......sorry for being cryptic'ey.......but that's all I can be for now......but it's good to be back! I'll be on soon to enlighten you about poop, accidental self-injury and the mysterious lack of butt-wipe in my bathroom soon!!!!!!
Good to see "you's guys" (as they say in Northern Ontario.....or at least the French lumberjacks who are taking a stab at English between splitting wood and Hockey Night In Canada.....)
10:01 PM - At 10:45 pm tonight, my life was salvaged......
...because that's about the time my fuckin' ISP decided it would be functional again!
Oh, my life is not so grim as that. However, when you become used to something, and all of a fuckin' sudden, it ain't there......well, it get's pretty goddamned annoying!
Ya wanna know what else is annoying??? (Aside from someone asking you 'Ya wanna know what else is ..')
This:
The rich-text editor is currently disabled. We're working on a fancy new one.
How long does this fancy new rich-text editor take to develop for crissakes!!! Been looking at that for two goddamned years!!!!
Not that I'm grumpy tonight or anything. Might just be the lack of sex for a month of Sundays! Or, it could be that I have to light a fucking fire everynight now.......and it doesn't seem like summer even visited. Or, it could be I burned it a little too hot tonight, and I am sweatier than a ten dollar whore right now!!! (OK....maybe not that sweaty).
Or it could be that we ran out of arsewipe and had to run to the gas station tonight to get some!
Or it could be that Sarah Palin didn't wear something naughty to the debates!
Or it could be that our answer to Sarah Palin is
ELIZABETH MAY, GREEN PARTY LEADER
Now don't she look like she can eat an apple whole???????
Jimminy Christmas!!!!!
.....but you know.....it has been a month of Sundays.......(yikes!!!)
So....what else annoys me? That not only does fuckin' photobucket decide to delete innocuous photo's that make your blogs just fuckin' pointless, they decide that they will not recognize your cookie......and you can't remember your fuckin' password that you picked ages ago.......and you send for your fuckin' password.....and you get it back and it was something you obviously picked while you were dating HER.......and having sex......and tonight you hope that craziness wasn't a communicable disease.....and who wakes you up screaming at you 'Who is Kim!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who is Sandra!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and you have no fucking clue what she is talking about since there is no Kim or Sandra in your social circles..............then about three hours later she says she still doesn't believe you because they were on your cell phone logs......and you still have no clue.....until she retires to the cave and you check yourself and they were your son's therapists that you had called two weeks prior........but then she emerges from the cave and you sheepishly explain........and she comes back with 'Well you should'a told me'.....and you walk away confused......still half asleep.....having no defense.....clothed only in your boxers........looking for your other sock......when you fuckin' realize that geez......she's nuts!!!!!!
Not really sure what that means......One of the favourite sayings of a former colleague. Not really sure why that comes to mind tonight.....
However.....
Haven't blogged lately. Not really sure why. Had some computer trouble the other night where I had to re-load windows.....Well, I guess I could'a shit a meat axe when that happened.
Just getting over a dose of the flu. Without getting too specific, didn't feel like it had the consistency of a meat axe.....
Must be some reason I am thinking meat axe. Maybe it's a change in careers coming. Maybe I am going to become a butcher. They use meat axes, don't they? To tell the truth, not even sure what a meat axe is?
Holy fucking boring blog, Deano!!!!
Yeah, I know. It's 5:57 am. I am tired, but sick of sleeping, if that makes any fucking sense. So, what do I do at this time of the morning? Well, got some laundry going, and the washer is making angry noises!!! I think it's tired of washing "that sock". Sounds like I'm washing a workboot when I wash "that sock"!!!! LOL
Hmm.....what now?
Well, planning a small trip. Not real sure if it's a good idea or not. I will have some downtime during the trip, and access to real fuckin' high speed......so I will likely be on here some more come early next week.
ummmm......what else?
We had our debate up here last night. Yes, us Canayans are having an election too. October 14. The campaign has been an excessively long 3 weeks already!!!! Can you imagine that? We only have to hear the rhetoric for about 5-6 weeks!!!! Not 18 months!!! Although, it has been entertaining. Not sure if I would be confident to vote for either McCain or Obama. Now if Obama had chosen a hot little number like Palin, well, there would be no question!!!!
Truth be told, I would likely vote for Obama.
Up here, I think I'll vote for the unassuming fella from Quebec.
Well, I got about an hour before I have to rouse the young'uns.....think I'll couch it for a bit.....
I'll write again when I feel a little more interesting.....
I hope so. You didn't bicker? Didn't break anything?
Good. It looks like I can trust you and leave you alone more often!
So.....
I'm back, safe, sound, and silly......
It was a good weekend. My kids had a blast. It's a very well run weekend and there is little down time if you choose to participate in everything. There was archery, fishing, climbing the high ropes, and the rock walls, hikes, campfires (except during the rain), arts and crafts, and much more.
......and food!!!! Always food. Many of these kids nutritional requirements are very high while they continue to heal. So the food was aplenty! And for mass produced food, it wasn't bad.
And for those of you wondering about the fishbat, didn't have to use it once. The kids were very well behaved. Aside from dime sized bladders......the trip was smooth.......
At the camp, there were a wide variety of characters.
There was the Loudmouth family. The Loudmouth's are a large family. Not in numbers, but in stature. Big people. Not fat people, just large people......with big heads. I guess they would look goofier still with small mouths. Big head, small mouth.....that would be goofy. The Loudmouths knew everything too!!! This was so comforting. Should I have had a question about the meaning of life, I could have had it answered.
Then there was the Dirty family. Mom was dirty, Dad was dirty, and all 34 kids were dirty. They got there dirty. They came to supper dirty. They apparently went to bed dirty, because they showed up at breakfast each day, dirty. It's one thing to be at camp and participate in activities, and get dirty. But fuck! Wipe your kids face once in a while!!!!
Then there was the Perfect family. Mom was gorgeous, Dad was handsome, and the kids all came out of the Sears catalogue. And the neat deal about them, was that they didn't realize they were perfect. They were kind, talked with everyone and without any trace of pretention, when they could so easily have been......(I'm wondering though, how stable that marriage is......I think Perfect Mom would be a vixen!!!!! I should have made a move!!!! Ahem......nevermind!!! lol)
Then there was Mother Theresa. Or was it the Old Lady That Lived in a Shoe? This was the lady, with no kids of her own, who takes in foster kids like that crazy lady with all the cats. I shouldn't make fun, she is doing good things for these kids. I think she had five in tow at the camp.....
Like I said, we had fun. Being fall time though, the weather didn't cooperate on Saturday night. It rained. We retired to the cabin early where me and the kids played cards. It was an opportunity for education as I found out. The kids were kicking my ass all over the place in cards. At one point I said "Merde!!!"
"Dad, what's that you say????"
"It means poop......in french."
They looked at each other.......looked at me......then back at each other.....and the giggles started!!!!
Poopy things always cause laughter in kids!!! And, being immature as I am, I enjoyed the guffaws as well!!!
"Dad taught us a curse word!!!!"......
No.....no......no......You can't use it in French class monday!!!!!
Oh but they will, and they will giggle, and Ms. Savard will turn red.....tell the principle......and there will be a phone call home for sure!!!!!
"Mr. A.....I am very much concerned about the vocabulary your children are using in my class. French is a classical language and I will not have your children ruin my class with their vulgarity!!!"
"Blow it out your ass, Ms. Savard!!!!!.......err......I mean, derriere!!!!"
I am heading out for the weekend with the kiddoes.....
I will likely be on life support by Saturday night since I won't have computer access!!! Wish me luck!
Going to a camp for burn survivors. The boy always has a blast and so does my daughter, although she is reluctant to admit it sometimes!!!
It's about 4 and 1/2 hour drive. Got the car all packed up. Got sleeping bags, clothes, and other amenities (iPod's, Nintendo's, books, movies). And my trusty fishbat.
Fishbat? What the hell do you need a fishbat for Deaner?
Well folks, the fishbat keeps the noise level down in the car.
How in hell does it do that?
Well you see, the fishbat extends my reach into the backseat. A smart whack or two now and again, keeps the kiddoes on their best behaviour.
You are a sonofabitch Deaner!!!!!
I'm kidding.....I don't use a fishbat on my kids!!! My reach is plenty long!!!!
So, we are all set to go. The trip should be a good one. Would have been a great trip should the Wildcat have come. But that is impossible.
Anyway, wish I could write longer. There's a whole lot of bullshit piling up in the noggin since I haven't written much lately.
12:42 PM - I’d like to fellate myself and fart the White Album......
Category: Life
......but that ain't gonna happen, now is it????
Hank Moody is my new hero! (OK, my new shallow hero.) He is not replacing my honest to god heroes.......but.....I think that disclaimer just ruined the tone of the blog.......OK....let's start over.
Who here does not endear themselves to a wisecracking S.O.B. who sleeps with anything that moves, dreams of oral sex from a nun, drinks entirely way too much, and underachieves despite stellar talent?
No one? What the fuck are you reading my page for, then? HA!
OK, I believe we have our 'tone' back!!!!
Watched season 1 of Californication recently. Hank Moody, our hero, is a successful writer who finds himself sinking into the world of meaningless pussy and booze. Because of these diversions, he is unable to write, has lost his daughter and love interest, and well.....just living the life of Riley......
The title of the blog is just one of many fucking hilarious quotes. Without getting too Ebertish......it's a great series, but you don't want to watch it with your mom!!!!
Now....wouldn't you just fuckin' die? Bring your daughter home and have her find that? Now, you say "Deaner, that's just fuckin' sick!!!! You shouldn't laugh at that!!!!"
Well I can laugh! Due to the fact that there are never any naked women in my room, not to speak of naked women with no hair on their vaginas.......
Fuck....now I'm cryin'!!!! Geezus.....My kingdom for a naked woman with no hair on her vagina.......in my room.......!!!!!! (And my kids at the inlaws for the day!!!......or at least for 10 minutes........so I can get my business done.......get the woman out of the house......put a load of whites in the washer and get dinner going!!!)
Huh! So now what do you want to talk about. Kinda done with the bald pussy stuff.......well not really.....maybe revisit that later when you nice people have left.....
Huh! Nobody? Nobody has a topic?
Well......It's Monday. How's that for a topic? Well I read a bulletin this morning about getting rid of the clutter. You know the clutter that doesn't let you move forward in life? Kind of a new beginnings type of bulletin.
[Sidebar: She checked before work. Cool, huh?]
Well that's a good Monday morning topic. Which brings me to question why people hate Mondays so much. Is it because they look at the week ahead and remind themselves of what last week was all about? Is it because they remember Friday at noon, thinking only a few more hours until this clusterfuck of a week is done? Was the past week full of shit? Was it because you just didn't give a fuck? Was it because you took the Fuck It attitude?
Or alternatively, was it difficult to motivate yourself?
Well today is Monday! This week does not have to be the abortion that last week was. It's full of new challenges!!!! Full of new opportunities!!!!
Just think. I have until Friday to get a naked woman in my bedroom (with no hair on her vagina!!!!). Now would that not be a successful week? Wow. Could you imagine? I would not want Friday to get here!!!
And you could be goddamned sure I would look forward to Monday.....to start the naked woman with no hair on her vagina in my room saga all over again!!!!
Now you may be saying......Deaner.....why so optimistic on this Monday morning????
It has been frustrating.....unfulfilling......making me crazy! Boy had it been a dry spell!!!! But no longer! I new it wouldn't be forever! I finally did it!!!!
No more waiting, being frustrated! Don't know when or if it will happen again, but I feel exhilerated that it happened!
Yes my friends, I did! I finally solved a Sudoku puzzle at the 'difficult level'.
I think I need a cigarette!
Later
Dean ___________________________________________
I remember that day well......sort of......maybe a bit foggy, but an indelible fogginess nonetheless....
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nostalgic