The sadness that cripples me emotionally and bonds my future to my past.
Current mood: sad
Category: Romance and Relationships
I dunno if it's the milestone (or should that be millstone) that I've just reached put I kinda feel that my mind and my heart have been put into some kinda backward spiral where I'm over-analysing my past failures in relationships, matters of the heart or friendships.
I don't know why these things should matter to me so much because I do genuinely feel gratitude for everything that has passed because they have all helped to make me a better person in a lot of respects but in others I think that I'm heading backwards.
I have a great number of friends and family that mean absolutely everything to me but why do I always feel so antagonistic towards myself? There are days where I simply have it all on to drag myself out of bed, this isn't necessarily during the week but can be the weekends when I have things to do that I'm genuinely looking forwards to but the tiredness I feel is so great that it literally weighs me down.
God I sound so ungrateful and I really have no reason to be at all, I'm fortunate to have experienced a lot of the things that I have and I'm also fortunate to be able to experience some of the things that will inevitably happen to me in the future.........but I just dunno, has my life become everything I hoped it would be? I don't think the answer to that question will ever be a complete 'Yes', yet I know things have happened and will happen that will make me smile, will quicken my heart-beat, will delight my senses, will make my mind, soul and heart soar and for these I am forever grateful.
But..............................................I guess I can never fully express the feelings or thoughts that I have because they only matter to me these days. The sadness is that to have this love, respect and desire for somebody who is no longer mine and it breaks my heart, soul and mind in such a way that life in some ways is torture.
Even so, I guess that when these moments of despair pass I am eternally grateful for the love, affection and respect that she showed me and the times that we shared together, I just wish there could be more.
"If you take me back back to your place I'll try not to bother you I promise
Cause it's colder here and I wish it was hot The sink's broke it's leaking from the faucet
And I'm fractured from a fall and I wanna go home Now it takes two and it used to take one It takes two and it used to take only one
Well my money's no good when I'm up to no good No good ever comes from it all I got a really good heart I just can't catch a break If I could I would treat you like you want me to I promise
But I'm fractured from the fall Oh and I wanna go home I'm fractured from the fall And I wanna go home
It takes two and it used to take one It takes two and it used to take one It takes two and it used to take one It takes two and it used to take only one"
Ryan Adams - Two -------------------------------------------------
"Like a bird on the wire, Like a drunk in a midnight choir I have tried in my way to be free. Like a worm on a hook, Like a knight from some old fashioned book I have saved all my ribbons for thee. If i, if I have been unkind, I hope that you can just let it go by. If i, if I have been untrue I hope you know it was never to you.
Like a baby, stillborn, Like a beast with his horn I have torn everyone who reached out for me. But I swear by this song And by all that I have done wrong I will make it all up to thee. I saw a beggar leaning on his wooden crutch, He said to me, you must not ask for so much. And a pretty woman leaning in her darkened door, She cried to me, hey, why not ask for more?
Oh like a bird on the wire, Like a drunk in a midnight choirhave tried in my way to be free."
"If you go away On this summer day Then you might as well Take the sun away All the birds that flew In the summer sky When our love was new And our hearts were high And the day was young And the night was long And the moon stood still For the night bird's song
If you go away
But if you stay I'll make you a day Like no day has been Or will be again We'll sail the sun We'll ride on the rain And talk to the trees And worship the wind
Then if you go I'll understand Leave me just enough love To fill up my hand
If you go away As I know you will You must tell the world To stop turning, turning 'til you return again If you ever do For what good is love Without loving you? Can I tell you now As you turn to go I'll be dying slowly 'til the next hello
But if you stay I'll make you a night Like no night has been Or will be again I'll sail on your smile I'll glide on your touch I'll talk to your eyes That I love so much
But if you go I won't cry Though the good is gone From the word goodbye
If you go away As I know you must There'll be nothing left In this world to trust Just an empty room Full of empty space Like the empty look I see on your face And I'd have been the shadow Of your shadow If it might have kept me By your side"
Scott Walker - If You Go Away
I think they all say what I'm thinking and feeling any better then I ever could.
Biblical Me!
Current mood: Biblical
Category: Biblical Quiz/Survey
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It's all so true.....................
Your Biblical Personality Style:
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Careful & Compliant: As a "C" style, your personality is similar to Biblical heroes such as Luke, Silas, Ruth and Esther. All of these people led by example, having a high standard for excellence and walking in personal integrity. Valuing accuracy and organization, Luke wrote his gospel account accordingly, "It seemed good to me also, having had perfect understanding of all things from the very first, to write unto thee in order, most excellent Theophilus" Luke 1:3 Ruth and Esther both showed patience and persistence in doing well and waiting for Divine opportunities rather than forcefully demanding things for themselves; it was all about preparation, planning, and perfect timing.
Interesting enough, many of the "C" style personalities in the Bible were challenged by being put into situations that required great faith. Esther and Ruth both exhibited great faith, an area where they no doubt both grew personally since their natural desire would have been to gain a better understanding before having to make life threatening decisions. Silas had to act in faith when becoming the Apostle Paul's new travel companion when Paul rejected John Mark because of his non-compliant behavior. Silas proved to be much more compatible with Paul's high standard of commitment and excellence.
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Your Personality Style Description:
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Systematic and detailed, David focuses on the process. Others see him as practical and logical. He tends to be sensitive to criticism, but prefers to internalize his emotions rather than expose them. David likes to clarify expectations before undertaking new projects, because he works hard to meet the standards that are set for him.
David is an optimistic individual. He is the type of person who loves exploring new places or things and a wide variety of experiences. He tends to display a natural charisma that draws others to his charm. David is a very encouraging person; others are drawn to him because they find him inspirational.
A loyal friend, David is patient and caring when attending to the needs of others. He is usually an even-paced individual who thrives in a peaceful, harmonious environment. He tends to be quite predictable, sticking with proven, reliable methods of dealing with situations rather than taking chances with a new, unproven approach.
Because he cares about how others feel, David may feel uncomfortable making decisions that strongly affect others. He typically encourages others to be involved in the decision making process and prefers to work in a team role. Others tend to see David as agreeable and humble.
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Currently
listening
:
The Best Of The Doors
By
The Doors
Release date: 08 August, 2006
Finest film of 2007 so far.................
Current mood: enthralled
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
Every so often a film comes along that draws you into watching it due to its subject matter, how it looks, how you imagine it would feel to view the spectacle unfold before you..........'300' has everything I ask for in a film, it is beautiful to watch, superbly acted, speaks of heroism not just in the battle field but in everyday existance. It speaks of history and legend but deep within lies a story of love for oneself and all that a person can hold dear, their ancestary, their belief and faith in those they love and the ideals which have been passed through to them by their own heroic deeds and those of their ancestors whom have long since passed.
sad
enthralled
amused
