My 40th Wedding Anniversery

I've been married 40 years to the most wonderful lady - the "O" - and my daughter is throwing us a great 40th Anniversery party in New York City.

As an invitation she mixed in a slideshow of 40 years of family photos set to music. View, enjoy and send along best wishes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2Dfmg8Lk9w

12:01 AM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Buying someone as a pet?

Everyday someone on myspace buys someone else as a pet. What's that all about?

Is it fun? How about if I bought someone as a slave?

Sounds stupid to me and probably some kind of a scam with a virus. I won't get into it but can somebody explain why it's going on?

Thanks

3:59 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

The NONzine March 7th
Category: News and Politics

March 7th issue

Another great NONzine issue just hit the newstand... and it's FREE! (It's always free, I just like excuses to tap my exclamation point key!!!) This one has a Star Trek painting on the cover.

The cover is the work of featured artist Tony J Trammell (pages 15, 16 & 17). Check his stuff out. It's very intricrate and Out of this World!

Mark Faulk is back on page 6 with his Faulking Truth (I think that's a play on words or sumthin') and this time he's addressed it all as an open letter to Hillary Clinton, telling her to bow out with whatever smidgen of grace she may have. Here's something I never quite got. When writer's pen open letters directed to a particular person, are we supposed to feel a little guilty because we're peeking in? I mean I read it, enjoy it, learn from it but I'm still a little quesy. Hillary might slap my hand. Mark makes many good points and if Hillary hasn't seen this letter, we need to get it to her (and while we're at it tell her about the great sports column back on page 30 where I talk about the Leibo. And if you don't what the Liebo is, please pick an issue. It's FREE!!! For crying out loud!!

By the way, Mark Faulk is usually on-the-button. Last issue he told readers not to vote for the MAPS for Ford Center, and sure enough it passed with only a 62% majority. Otherwise it could have been 80%.

On page 7, Cassidy Warner from Sophie Zine talks a lot about gender. A lot. If you like to read about gender and it's talia and various kinds of sexuals, and norms, and categories, this is up your alley. And I'm not even going to say what alley.

Pages 8 & 9 covers the Oklahoma Visual Arts Coalition. If you like your visual arts coalified, check these pages.

On page 18, Adrian has his interview with Matt Brown about Matt's rock movie Rainbow Around the Sun which premiers at SXSW in Austin at the Alamo Drafthouse. Have you ever been to that theatre in Austin? They sell beer, sandwiches, pizzas and bring it to you while you are watching the movie. It's a fantastic, wonderful concept, except for one thing - the Alamo is like an Arts Theatre and they always seem to show, at least when I've been there, very gritty movies. Y'know, the kind that's makes your tummy quesy, hard to keep your food down?

Anyway, pick up a NONzine. No, make that... pick up a NONzine!!!

Stan

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3 Hours in the Witness Chair

It was middle of February. I got upon the hotseat in district court during a real estate civil suit to which I was a party. No nonsense judge. Our side won, their side sux. Two things I'm proud of: I handled the chair without having to excuse myself for bathroom breaks. Apparently my grapefruit sized prostate decided not to embarrass me and secondly, I resisted all urges to smart mouth during cross examination. You would have been proud of me, too. When their attorney asked me why I didn't consult an attorney when they were drawing up this contract I almost bit off my tongue not to say "I heard you were the only one available." When their attorney asked if I thoroughly read the contract I didn't say "Well, I always read the well written ones." I censored myself, something comedians are taught to never do, there are times and places... and like I said, you would have been proud of me.

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The NONzine Feb 22
Category: Art and Photography

Pick up a new copy of the NONzine, the Feb 22nd issue, if you haven't already.
I like this issue and not because my column is in it on page 28 on a FULL PAGE! No!! There are other good things in this issue and you need to read them.

For one Mark Faulk on page 4 presents the contrarian view to the upcoming Maps 3 vote. I don't agree with every thing he says but it's good read anyway.

Sharp, very sharp photographer, Hannah Stapp, has contributed a few of her photos. I like her photos and even more, her titles.

Graham Brewer did an extensive interview with musician/artist Doug Martsch. Check it out page 12 and 13.

On page 14, Calvin Son does a review of a comedy CD called "The Comedy Underground." I've never seen reviews of comedy CDs in local pubs so this is refreshing, exciting, unexpected. What is unusual about this CD, as Calvin Son points out, is that it's such a diverse collection of the works of 10 local comics, almost every comedian who ever performed at the Othellos, except one, I think, but I can't remember the missing one's name. If you are interested in all aspects of the Oklahoma art scene then you should seek out this CD.

The middle pages featured artist this issue is tat master Houndy. He produces tattoos with so much color they look three dimensional. Put another way, he's not afraid to put a bunch of flowers on the arm of a vicious serial killer... and make those flowers pop. Gutsy, if you ask me, and going the extra yard (I don't know they measure it in needles) for your art.

Wilhelm Murg this week is all about Britney. By the way, have you ever seen Wilhelm's myspace logo? It's psychodelic and hypnotic. Whenever I want to put myself in a trance I just go gaze at it. Page 20. He gets after the Britney phenomona or craze and how Britney farts become worldwide events. It's a worthwhile read... ponderworthy. This is beside the point (as is most of my stuff ) but I recently did a study of Britney lyrics and realized they were all about her and what was going on in her life... right then. It's like "My mom walked in the door. My sister says she's pregnant so I had to shave my head." It's weird.

Adrian did an interview with the Norman band, Locust Avenue. It's a portion of his interview on the NONcast. On pages 26 & 27. By the way and this is off the point... AGAIN, but have we run out of band names? I mean Locust Avenue actually has a nice sound to it but... was Ladybug Avenue already in use? How about Roaches Road or Cicida Circle or Shrimp Street?

Anyway, pick up the issue, the one with the tattoo of the dead teddy bear. Seriously, don't let the cover scare you. It's not a real dead teddy bear. It's just a picture of a dead teddy bear... tattooed permanently on somebody's body part. You'll make Mr. Taber happy.

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Going up the Peehole

Oh, the joys of being old and having a prostate the size of a grapefruit.

Wait, that's not the fun part.

On my "routine" visit to my urologist Monday, the one where I thought I was going to do another flow test, I had a little surprise... a cystoscopy. Little did I know a camera on a catheter was preparing itself to take a trip up my peehole. If there's a Disneyland for catheter cameras this is an "A" ticket ride, where you get to look around in Stan's bladder.

And if you hadn't had the experience, don't try to compare it to a colonoscopy. During the colonoscopy they put you to sleep with some butt hanging out. You even get a little music. With the cystoscopy there's no anesthetic, nobody whispering sweet nothings, just a few comments like "This might feel a little uncomfortable." Do you ever notice how the word "uncomfortable" and the word "understatement" both begin with the same "un"? Un-canny, isn't it?

So here I am, thinking I was there for a flow test, but wondering why I was stripped bottom half naked on an exam table with my feet in stirrups (I feel for you ladies) and then when  the gizmo goes in, I'm squirming like a worm who just spotted the early bird. And the only thing I could say was "Doc, I wish I had known so I could have worn my 'sweatin' to the oldies' outfit.'" And seriously, I have a deep voice, but I muttered that statement in exactly a Richard Simmon's octave.

I should have come up with something a little more clever. But, you know, laying half naked with a contraption up my weinie is not my best improvisational postition. No stones, by the way.

7:10 AM - 2 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

If I were a Martian Part 2

Here's another thing, if I were a Martian, I'd be pissed about.

The way earthlings define things. For instance:

When Earth sends a spacecraft to Mars, it's a PROBE!

When Mars sends a spacecraft to Earth, it's a INVASION!

Is there no doubt why then, any wonder why, when we capture a redneck, we're going to PROBE!

4:24 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

If I were a Martian
Category: Religion and Philosophy

If I were a Martian, I'd be pissed over that book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus."

Besides stating the obvious (men and women are different) it assumes us Martians could not procreate before space travel.

After kicking John Gray in his balls, I'd say "Where do you think little martians come from?"

3:02 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Jackie Mason

Jackie Mason is on an ad across the top of my profile. Do you guys see his ad or is it only aimed at old Jews?

He's an old guy but still pretty funny.

I use his name in my act, twice, once when explaining about my stiff shoulders and neck, which resulted when Mr. Tumor was extracted after he had wrapped himself snugly around my spinal chord. Thank you, Dr. Pelofsky and crew.

Excising Mr. Tumor stiffened muscles even further that were already tight. I was operated on twice and just when I thought things were loosening up a diagnosis came down that indicated I should go in for six weeks of radiation. The result being whatever looseness I thought might be returning turned out to be an illusion. My neck and shoulders became as tight as a prison newby's spincter. Yada, yada, two or three more jokes and then I say "I make Jackie Mason look like a mad black woman." 

The inference is Jackie Mason has a certain tightness to his posture, but nothing like mine. As if compared to me, he could sling his neck around and do that finger snap thing like a pissed-off black lady. 

The only other contact I had with Jackie Mason was back in the early nineties (around 1993) when I was putting together a project called "The Comedian's Cookbook." In that project I started collecting recipes from famous comedians to put out a benefit book. All the proceeds were to go to charity. One of the side benefits I had from doing the project was getting to solicit recipes and occasionally call up and visit with celebrity comics. I spoke to a bunch including Ellen DeGeneres, Judy Tenuta, Elayne Boosler, Emo Phillips, Henny Youngman and others. I got phone numbers from managers and listing sevices and made a lot of calls. One of the numbers was for Jackie Mason at a Los Angeles address. I never actually made comtact with him but I did leave messages on his answering machine, a few times. I always thought his answering machine message was funny and here it is:

"This is Jackie Mason... Of course, it's not the real me. If it were the real me, do you think I'd be talking to YOU?"

9:12 AM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Three Sports Blogs in One

Lots of things happening but just for funnies I've posted three of my random sports columns. One deals with Maria Sharapova (don't you love saying that name?) and her burning desire to team with Daniel Craig as a Bond girl.

Another recalls events at one of our favorite Oklahoma City watering holes - Henry Hudsons - a place where castration looms if you wear the wrong T-Shirt.

And lastly, Gundy and Jenni. Say that a few times and you know what, if you are old enough, you'll drift back like I did and ask "What ever to Forrest Gump?" Gump and Jenni? 

Here we go. Log onto these:

[url]http://www.sillimanonsports.com/Bond_Babe.html[/url]

[url]http://www.sillimanonsports.com/HenryHudson.html[/url]

[url]http://www.sillimanonsports.com/Gump_and_Jenni.html[/url] 

4:15 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment