October isn’t just a pink month...
Current mood: enlightened
Category: Life

This month isn't just about Breast Cancer Awareness.  Did you know that October is also National Domestic Violence Awareness Month? And apparently, it doesn't mean just romantic relationships, either.

Saturday mornings, I go to work for just long enough to pick up the mail, make any bank deposits that need made, & take care of any loose ends from the week.  I walked in this past Saturday, & the boss had put two of our little heaters in my office, turned them on, & shut my door.  My office was nice & toasty.  He had also ordered a new, larger space heater in hopes that the gas heat won't be turned up too high this winter.  He put the new heater in my office & had me leave it on so that the office would be warm on Monday.

I thought it showed how underneath his rough exterior, he DOES have a heart & can be a nice guy.  After all the yellings & complaining he has done in the past month, let alone eight years, I was impressed.  I was telling someone about it, & I could tell by his reaction; he was not impressed. 

I realized then, that my thinking was typical of people who have gotten used to some type of abuse. 

Whether it be physical, mental or emotional, isn't that how things usually go in abusive relationships?  The person gets beaten up, & then the abuser comes along & does something nice, or apologizes, & the person accepts that, thinking the abuser still cares & is sweet, but then the pattern begins.

In my mind, I always thought of it as looking deeper into that person & thinking they had good intentions & a good heart underneath, but I think it isn't as basic as that.  Perhaps they do have a heart, but those moments of apology & niceness don't negate all of the other words & actions to the contrary that we endure in-between.

Those moments can't possibly take away the effect that all the negativity has had on us.  We just push the negative effect to the back of our mind, when these nice gestures are given to us.  In actuality, we stay in a trap; like a hamster wheel.

I was actually shocked to come to this realization on Saturday, just by the reaction I received to the story.  Shocked that my job can be likened to a mentally abusive relationship, & shocked that, once again, I can be sucked into not seeing the true picture.  Perhaps I'm a slow learner, or a glutton for punishment?  I'm easily satisfied by morsels of kindness, chalking it all up to the repressed goodness of people being shown in those moments.

Maybe these people do have a heart, but the acceptance of the negative behaviour allows them to get away with being negative bullies the rest of the time.

What we do with that knowledge is up to us.  Tolerate it, knowing that we're allowing the behavior to continue, or not accept it anymore.  And sometimes, that may just might mean....moving on.

Currently listening : When October Goes: Autumn Love Songs By Various Artists Release date: 1992-10-07

1:38 AM - 26 Comments - 26 Kudos - Add Comment

Destiny calling...
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

I've heard that our lives are following some type of plan....we each have some type of destiny to fulfill.

I've been told that the people that have come into our lives & will come into our lives in the future, are all part of a purpose in this path of our destiny.  If that's the case, then that means that we are also affecting their destiny.  I can probably pick out good things that have come from each relationship & friendship, some lesson learned.  I just hope the people I affect can say the same!  That also means that the events & situations that we've gone through all serve some purpose too.  

We all make our own choices in life, though.  So, how is it that a destiny is prepared for us, if we're making choices that wouldn't follow along with the plan? 

I have a hard time grasping this theory.  Do YOU believe in Destiny?



See what I mean??  

 

Currently listening : Karma and Effect By Seether Release date: 2005-05-24

12:31 AM - 20 Comments - 18 Kudos - Add Comment

Toxic Thoughts
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life

I watched Joel Osteen last week, & the premise was how we need to stop listening to toxic thoughts & remember who we are.  Of course, he meant it in terms of remembering that we are all God's children, preparing to fulfill some destiny, (which is a blog topic in itself) but I'm not trying to Bible thump.  I see his sermons as more motivational & inspirational, rather than religious.

Currently listening : Home For Christmas Release date: 2003-08-19

3:39 PM - 19 Comments - 20 Kudos - Add Comment

I’m fibbing...or not...**with answers**
Current mood: accomplished
Category: Games

Well, I have been tagged again... this time, by Behind a Plastic Smile. He says it's a little retribution from when I tagged him last time....I forgot all about that tag (**crossing fingers behind back**).

Here's the deal:

I have to put 10 statements about me, that can be answered with a simple true or false. Let's see how much you know about  me! (if you know nothing, feel free to guess based on attitude, lifestyle, or however you wanna classify me)
 
I've done tags like this before, but since I'm too lazy to go look them up (& that handy little box up top isn't working), I'm guessing none of us will remember if I repeat myself!  Geez, this took forever for me to come up with...

Here we go:

  1.  I studied with Jehovah's Witnesses for years, complete with Bible studies and not celebrating  holidays.
       TRUE.  I studied with them for most of my marriage, so....12 years.

  2.  I have been married twice.
       FALSE.  Married once, one long-term mistake, I mean...relationship.

  3.  I like to argue & get my point across.
       FALSE.  I really don't like to argue, but I will, if necessary.

  4.  I am completely organized.
       FALSE.  I need a lot more organization!

  5.  I had an online relationship.
       TRUE.  I thought it was a strong bond, & not easily forgotten.

  6.  I like to figure out mysteries, subliminal messages, secret codes, reading between the lines, etc.
       TRUE.  I love figuring out hidden messages....the things unsaid, etc.  I should have been a sleuth...lol

  7.  I have a sister, but we haven't spoken in years.
       FALSE.  I'm an only child.

  8.  I've had a journal since I was 15 that I write in daily, without fail.
       FALSE.  Although I had started a journal quite a few times, I've never kept up with one for very long.

  9.  I have a hot temper that flares quickly.
       FALSE.  My anger is more of a slow burn.

10.  I am a packrat.
       TRUE.  I have to force myself to part with things.  It even carries over into being an online packrat...I need to clean out my inbox badly.

Now, on to the victims:

Darron
Cherie
Dianna
Lee-Amber
Swampy
Randa
Foss
Arris
Lanie
and my last choice is Sex  (Mahoney, perverts!)And a bonus tag:  Gordo...I think he likes these things!


Thanks for playing!

* Note...if you know an answer...please don't say why you know...then it gives others clues...and who wants that???  Lol

Currently listening : History for Sale By Blue October Release date: 2003-08-05

9:47 AM - 24 Comments - 16 Kudos - Add Comment

It is what it is....
Current mood: rockin
Category: MySpace

In my last blog, I mentioned that I would be meeting some friends that I had met on Myspace, & I have to tell you, I had a great time at both events.

I've seen quite a few blogs that discuss the point of whether friendships & relationships online can be real, & I would still argue that real bonds are made this way.  Meeting in person just solidifies & strengthens those bonds. 

The first event was a cookout with friends that I have been interacting with for years on here.   I believe we all had a great time, & I'm looking forward to doing it again. 

Don, Billy the Squid, Carl, Mistress in Distress, Malka, Cherie Amour & Me.



The next event was over a week ago...I can't believe I've been back that long already.  We had such a good time.  


If you've been around a while, then you've seen these familiar faces in my blog parties.  I finally got the chance to meet them, by all of us gathering in Michigan for a Poison concert.  You have to check out Dianna's blog for the rundown on the weekend.

And there you have us....ready for the weekend of events to begin...
Dianna, Eightezchic, her man Gene, Me, Steph & Darron.  Darron was a great host, & we had a blast.  It was completely comfortable in meeting with everyone, because we all had been friends already.


 
I didn't take advantage of opportunities in the past, so this time I couldn't pass it up, & it was totally worth it.  Check out my friends & their pictures of the trip, & don't forget to stop in to Dianna's blog & say hello. 

Great opportunites, great moments shared, & great memories....it is what it is....real.

Currently listening : I Remember You By Skid Row(80s)

1:00 PM - 36 Comments - 28 Kudos - Add Comment

A little this, a little that...
Current mood: mellow
Category: Blogging

Can you say...

Just thought I'd write a random blog...it has been a long time since I've done one of those.  You know...the kind where you really don't have anything of major importance to say, but you want to write anyway...

A few of us from this area (of Ohio) are getting together on Sunday & meeting for the first time in years.  I think that is just SO cool....can't wait!  Who says that friends aren't REAL because they're on Myspace?  (Another blog, another time..)

Next weekend, a different group of us from Myspace are meeting for the first time in Michigan....Poison Concert, & various other bands & bars.  We are going to have a blast, & I'm sure there will be lots of pictures too.  I'm totally psyched for it.

If I don't get my car fixed, or traded in, by next week, I'll be hitch-hiking to get there, 'cuz I'm not going to miss it!!  lol

Why is it that men like to call you up, say their peace (or bitch, if you prefer), then hang up?  Do they really think I'm going to call back?  Pffft! 

Why do people put a projectplaylist player in their blogs, rather on their profile, so every blog page you go to, you have to hear the music?  (No offense to anyone reading....)

Post-dating blogs for days.  Does that drive anyone else nuts?  I have 135 subscriptions, & see the same 5 blogs as "NEW" for days, pushing everyone else's blogs further down the page because of it.  And now, without getting notices, I'm SURE blogs are sliding from my view.  Not that I've been very good at going around to them lately anyway, but....

A phrase that just makes me cringe is when someone says to me, "Take Care".  Take Care just sounds like such a blow-off.

Does my wallpaper really look like a funeral home? 

I love that Mobster game...even though I get my ass kicked quite a bit!  lol

A thunderstorm has rolled in....perfect sleeping weather!

That's all I've got for now...anyone have any random thoughts they'd like to share?

Currently listening : Thundering Rainstorm By Various Artists Release date: 1999-01-12

5:25 AM - 22 Comments - 20 Kudos - Add Comment

Tag answers....finally...
Current mood: accomplished
Category: Blogging

I know you all have been patiently waiting for the answers to my tag blog.  Honestly, I don't even have a good excuse as to why I didn't post them before.  I'm behind in my reading too.  I'll get around to you, though....have no fear!  I'm just going to be fashionably late!

So, without further ado:

1.  When will I give in to Deep Thoughts? 
         Hmmm...perhaps a road trip would be in order?
2.  What's the best thing that happened in my life so far?
         Good grief....I would have to say it's having my sons.  (Is that 2 things?)  Many happy moments come, then go, but I'll always have my sons, & I'm grateful & blessed for that.  I love my sons!
3.   Do I ever want to get married again?
          I'm not opposed to getting married...I just want to know this time around, without a shadow of a doubt, that it's absolutely the man I'm meant to be with.
4.  Can I talk about my oddest sexual experience? 
          I COULD talk about my oddest sexual experience, but....WOULD I, or SHOULD I??  lol  Actually, I don't really have "odd" ones.  Embarrassing & awkward, maybe...
5.  Would I ever consider sleeping with someone on my friends' list? 
          Easiest question!  I would definitely consider it!
6.  If someone gave you $15,000 dollars, earmarked for your pleasure only, no bill paying, no charity, no posting bail for boyfriends, what TWO things would you do with the money. And please break it down as to approximate cost per item. Example: $14,999.00 new car and one of those large 3 Musketeers.
           You've seen my little car (it has more issues by now), so a new car is DEFINITELY one thing.  $10,000.00 for the new car & all the bells & whistles.  I think I'll split the other $5,000.00 between vacation & redecorating, so $2k & $3k respectively.  (I like spending "wish" money!)
7.   If you died and came back as a 70's television character, who would it be? 
             I would be Jill, on Charlie's Angels.  Wasn't her hair just the prettiest??  (Gotta love Farrah!)
BONUS QUESTION: 
8.   Where is loveland?
           Isn't that in Tennessee?  Elvis' bedroom in Graceland, right??

Okie dokie, people.  Finally done.  Did you check out all the poor victims & their tags?  Their links are in this blog. And thanks to everyone that played along! 

            

Currently listening : The Best of Poison: 20 Years of Rock By Poison Release date: 2006-04-04

4:53 PM - 10 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

TAG...are you next?
Current mood: breezy
Category: Blogging

Here's the deal:

1) Copy this blog inviting people to ask you any question they want, they can post their questions as a comment to your blog.  Once you have 7 questions, blog your answers. If you get more than 7 questions, you get to choose the most interesting to answer!....

2) Choose 7 people to victimize, we mean....TAG.

3) Let me know when you post your blog, so I can come and post my question for you!

My victims:

1. Mistress in Distress

2.  Eightezchic 

3.  Malka 

4.  behind a plastic smile 

5.  GordyB 

6.  69RSS 

Currently listening : Karma and Effect By Seether Release date: 2005-05-24

8:40 AM - 32 Comments - 24 Kudos - Add Comment

I just don’t get some people...
Current mood: disgusted
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

Currently listening : Working Class Dog By Rick Springfield Release date: 2006-07-25

2:07 AM - 52 Comments - 40 Kudos - Add Comment

Who knew?
Current mood: amused
Category: Friends

What planet have I been on for the past few months?  Okay, don't answer that...I may still be lost there.....

The other day, I was looking at my friends list, & happened to notice a category tab of "Categories I'm in".  How did I not see that before?    Just tonight, I had a notice of "New Category Created"....how is it I've never seen one of those before?
 
Anyhoo, I HAD to check it out, & I realized that I was in with a bunch of people I didn't recognize.  Then it dawned on me, that it's all linked to the person who created the category!  So, we can check out new people that all have a common thread with us.  I just think that's the coolest thing!   It doesn't take much to amuse & excite me, does it? 

Did you guys all know about these categories?  Am I the last to figure it out??

Currently listening : Karma and Effect By Seether Release date: 2005-05-24

5:56 AM - 36 Comments - 30 Kudos - Add Comment

To stalk, or not to stalk...
Current mood: curious
Category: MySpace

I'm just going to throw this out there for your opinions.   Got your thinking caps on today?

Myspace stalking.....what actions make up stalking around here?

Currently listening : The Best of Poison: 20 Years of Rock By Poison Release date: 2006-04-04

7:00 AM - 30 Comments - 28 Kudos - Add Comment

Carte Blanche....wtf?
Current mood: nostalgic
Category: MySpace

I don't know about anyone else, but I like to save things, like momentos of a time gone past.  Call it sentimental, call it a nostalgic walk into the past (as Alan would call it), it's just me.  Heck, my mom & dad saved all the letters they wrote each other during their courtship (& that was over 50 years ago), so maybe it's genetic for me...lol

Anyway, I don't often go through my old comments, but I happened to be looking not too long ago, & I was missing comments.  How did I know?  Because they were comments from someone who is no longer on my friend's list. 

It isn't merely that these comments are now gone, although that disappoints & hurts me.  I understand the wherefore & why of...SOME deleted comments.  What really bothers me is that Myspace has these rules, like that you HAVE to be a friend in order to leave comments, or that you have to be a friend to email, yet a non-friend can come along to MY profile, & just erase every trace of evidence of ever having been there?  How can that be?  How can someone who is no longer friends with you, have carte blanche over YOUR profile, erasing comments & photo comments?  Doesn't that sound...a little off?  WTF??  

Currently listening : Best of Ballads & Blues By Poison Release date: 2003-08-05

6:30 AM - 45 Comments - 36 Kudos - Add Comment

Party!!
Current mood: frisky
Category: MySpace

Here we are....once again...partying! 

Grab yourself something to drink:




Something to eat:



Find a new friend (or two), blog to read....mingle, & just have fun!  If you're shy, just say hello!

5:40 AM - 221 Comments - 56 Kudos - Add Comment

Past tense...
Current mood: sassy
Category: Life

"You are not defined by your past, you are PREPARED for the future by your past."  - Joel Olsteen

For the past few months, I have been watching Joel Olsteen on Sunday mornings.  I got hooked when I was up that early getting ready for work.  I haven't turned into a Bible thumper, but I do like discussing religious views.  Anyway, I find him more of a motivational speaker, than an evangelist.  A couple weeks ago, he talked about the past, which hit home with me, since I have been having an issue with this for over a month now. 

I touched on it in my last blog, about having things brought back up & used in a disagreement.   Basically, my present/future was being predetermined by a friend, judging from my past, which struck a nerve with me.  If that isn't how it was meant to be read, then I apologize for any misunderstanding.

I don't believe that idea....that the past determines the present or the future.  I think we CAN learn from our mistakes & move past them, not making them again.  For example, surely you've heard "Once a cheater, always a cheater."  I don't buy it.  I don't believe that because a person cheated in one relationship, it proves that he/she will cheat again.  I think there had to be serious issues going on in the relationship that need to be looked at, to determine the cause of the cheating.  It all depends on the situation, & I think it's possible that if those relationship issues don't come about in the new relationship, then odds are, neither will the cheating.

I know a lot of prisoners don't reform while they're in prison, & when they get out they commit the crime again, but that's not to say that ALL prisoners can't & don't reform.  I'm sure there are those that learn from their mistakes, & change their ways.

So, I need some feedback.  What do you think....should one's past define what the future will be?

7:33 AM - 23 Comments - 20 Kudos - Add Comment

Trust me...
Current mood: strong
Category: Friends

Sometimes close friends share with each other their pasts, their mistakes, their secrets, & just generally things that they wouldn’t announce to every person they meet.  Once these things are shared, though, it’s with the understanding that they’ll still be accepted by their friend, & said friend won’t use these things against him/her in an argument, or to make a point.  I think it’s a huge disappointment & betrayal, when that divulged information is thrown back up in your face.  Aren’t true friends supposed to accept you for who you are, mistakes & all?  Perhaps my views on a close friendship are too demanding?  How does it make you feel, when you find out that information is used against you by your friend?

Currently listening : Trust Me By Craig David Release date: 06 May, 2008

5:54 AM - 53 Comments - 39 Kudos - Add Comment