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June 19, 2008 - Thursday

STFP Presents: The Art of Marcelo aka Snuffle© The Raver Baby™ WEEK THREE
Current mood: jubilant
Category: Art and Photography

In this installment of STFP's month-long exhibition of the work of artist Marcelo Goycoechea (aka Snuffy), we are featuring some of his "Fine Arts" work:

"Lion's Wrath" after Bruce Pennington. Acrylic on canvas 24 X 30" © Snuffy

"The Hand That God Walked" charcoal drawing ©2007

funky still life. watercolor on watercolor paper, 18 X 24 ©Snuffy

 

For more unique work from this extremely talented artist, visit his MySpace page!!

1:20 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

June 16, 2008 - Monday

Lit. Showcase: "The Lilly Among The Thorns" - by Stephen W. Roberts
Current mood: content
Category: Writing and Poetry

Stephen W. Roberts is a writer of fiction, who hails from Maryland.  His bibliography includes a number of diverse of projects, including: • Edward Ballister project - Chapter 18 • Darkened Horizons issue 5 - The conscience of Janice Clovell • Untitled patriotic anthology – D-Day on Omaha beach • Tome of distant realms Vol.1 - Midtown Siege • Requiem for the damned Vol.1 - Til death • SK Magazine – Non-fiction serial killer articles.

 

Stranger Than Fiction Press is glad to support and promote another talented author here on our blogs!

 

Visit Stephen's MySpace

 

* * * * *

 

The Lilly Among The Thorns..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

 

"Wake up." Lenny shook Richard awake.

He thrust his scrawny hand over Richard's mouth, as to keep his awakening as silent as possible. It was still lights out on the cell block and the cell was pitch dark, so much so that he couldn't see Lenny kneeling next to his bed. Confused as to why Lenny even shook him in the first place, Richard sat up in bed, nearly hitting his head on Lenny's upper bunk.

"Lenny, what the Hell do you want? You're going to get us both into trouble with the guards."

"What do I want? Well that is easy; I want a juicy steak, a crack at your Sister's fat ass and my freedom."


They both began to laugh, covering their mouths to muffle the sound. Though aggravated for being woken up in the middle of the night, Richard was always able to laugh extremely hard around Lenny. With Lenny being the kind of guy who can find fun in anything, it just could be how they ended up behind bars, or maybe it was the money they stole. Either way, Richard knew Lenny had some sort of scheme brewing in that thick skull, which usually could only spell disaster. Reluctant to even ask at all, Richard decided it was better to know the details.

"Lenny, what's going on?"

"What's going on? I'll tell you what's going on. What's going on is that we are getting out, yes, we are home free buddy."

"And how exactly are we supposed to get out of prison?" Richard asked. "Certainly you have not forgotten about the armed guards or the extremely high fences."

Lenny didn't say another word, but instead just tapped himself on the temple as to say he had a plan. This gesture filled Richard with both curiosity and dread, because he just knew that this would not end well. The guards already had it out for Lenny because of his big mouth, the mouth that didn't please many inmates inside the big house.

A cell door at the end of the hallway jerked open as a guard was making his rounds. Corrections officer Mike Billbury, the nightly usual, slowly walked down the hallway as he counted the inmates. Richard laid back down as the guard got near, but Lenny approached the cell door instead to greet the hefty out of breath guard.

"Are we still on?" asked Officer Mike Billbury.

"Certainly." answered Lenny.

"You're sure that you can do this? I am really sticking my neck out on this one."

"Everything will be fine."

"Good. It better be, because I'll..."

"Hey, hey, hey. Calm down, we are professionals. Relax."

Richard being unable to understand exactly what they meant, he continued to lay there and listen. Lenny used the word "we" a lot, which bothered Richard to no end. Lenny was up to something that was big enough for a guard to risk his life, which could never be a good sign. Though a tricked guard is the perfect escape plan, the risk is very high and Richard had a thing about bullets and his body, they didn't mix.

"Brief your boy, we need to move.

"Ok, I'm on it."

Richard still pretending to be sleeping, he waited as Lenny approached. Waiting until Lenny put his hand on Richard's shoulder and shook once hard. Richard sprung from bed into an upright sitting position with his feet on the floor.

"Richard, Richie boy, Rich. It's time, my brother. Oh-ho yes, it is time."

"Time, time for what?" Richard whispers back.

"Time for freedom. I told you that I had a plan, now you can see that I've also got an inside man."

"Can you two kiss and finish up? I've got to do this now or never." Officer Billbury added impatiently.

"Look, I have been planning this for some time now, so please just trust me." Lenny said as he stood back up and approached the cell door.

This still didn't feel right to Richard, being in the dark and following a plan of Lenny's, but what other option is there? Richard got up to his feet, tied up his ponytail and stepped into his extra large pair of shoes. Officer Billbury opened the cell door while trying to remain as quiet as possible. He picks up two dummies made of laundry and pillows and tossed them into the cell, once properly positioned in bed, he let out Richard and Lenny and then locked it back behind them.

"Follow my lead. We are going to the roof." instructed Officer Billbury.

"Sure thing." Richard and Lenny replied in unison.

"The cell is all set. I dug out parts of your cell, as to look like a tunnel escape." Officer Billbury informed them as he quickly dashed down the hall.

Lenny and Richard followed closely behind the guard as they sprinted down the hall, through a few corridors and into a stair way that goes up and down for a few floors. Traditionally, we would be going down to either mess hall or the yard, but tonight we are moving up. Up and up until we come to a dead end at a door which read "Roof-Helipad" which we quickly pushed through and approached our symbol of freedom.

"Now I want you to know that this is fail proof. I turned off the cameras after the others went to other blocks to count bodies. They will also suspect that you somehow dug out, which is what I am about to radio to the others, which will send them out on foot and myself, the pilot, will go by air to search." explained Officer Billbury.

"Brilliant." Lenny replied.

"Sure is, which tells me this was all your idea, Mike." jokingly added Richard.

As the two inmates get into the helicopter, Mike Billbury radioed in his story. This seemed to go over well when the sirens go off and dogs can be heard in the distance. As Mike Billbury got in and started it up, a guard rushed from the roof entrance to go along with Officer Billbury, who hopped back out to intercept the rookie guard.

"What are you doing rookie?" asked Officer Billbury.

"Going up with you, Sir." The rookie guard replied.

"No. Stay here and look over the cell. I need a man of intellect in that cell, now go."

The rookie guard didn't say another word, but smiled as he ran back toward the door. Mike Billbury let out a sigh of relief and mumbled naughty words under his breath as he ran back to the helicopter.

"You just saved that kids life." Richard said. "He was a dead man if he came any closer."

"Yes, I'm aware." replied Officer Billbury.

"Yeah, because we are cold blooded killers, remember?" added Lenny.

"You had better be." added Officer Billbury.

"Why?" asked Richard as he turned to look at Lenny.

"Umm...no reason. We are just killing his Wife in return for freedom and cash." Lenny explained with a smile.

"Really..." Richard whispered.

They all stopped their bickering for the moment, because it finally hit them that they are free. They can see the Arizona prison fading in the distance. The evil building, surrounded by the steel cage which has held these men captive for years. Caged like animals, with animals, for accusations not proven.

"Where to now?" asked Lenny.

"Well, my wife is in California, but I can't go far. Luckily the prison is near the edge of Arizona, which means I can drop you just before the California line, but I refuse to risk state lines." explained Officer Billbury.

"That's fine, you don't have to go across state lines, just land where you can." explained Lenny.

"Yeah, just land where you can and we will hoof it to Cali. Right..." Richard interposed sarcastically.

Officer Billbury and Richard exchanged looks of dismay and then got quiet for what seemed like forever. The tension in the helicopter was thick, which nearly made Lenny crack, that is until he began to whistle for entertainment. Richard and Officer Billbury cringed with every high pitched whistle, proving that a short helicopter ride can be an eternity with the wrong people.

"Lenny, knock it off before I remove your lips" Richard said calmly as he turned to Lenny.

"There. We will land there." Officer Billbury pointed to an open area below.

"Finally, you people were getting annoying." Lenny added.

The helicopter began to slowly drop, lower and lower until they finally felt it touch the ground. Officer Billbury, Lenny and Richard all get out of the helicopter. Officer Billbury as to stretch his legs and of course explain how to handle his family matters. A pre made noose was made by Mike Billbury, plus a hunting knife was given to Richard which he wished to be used on his wife. Also reminding them to let his daughter find her, but for his daughter to be alive and well.

"A 7 year old with a dead Mommy is sure to run to Daddy. Bringing Mommy's cash right along with her easy bake." Officer Billbury said with a smile.

"Wow, she is only 7 and you want her to find this body?" asked Lenny.

"Yes." answered Officer Billbury. Why, is that a problem? Don't tell me that I picked the only two monsters in that Hell hole with a conscience."

"Hell no, we'd kill that runt too." Lenny said.

"Good." Officer Billbury said.

"Change of plans." Richard said.

"Oh, and that would be?" Bill bury asked.

"You're coming with us." Richard said as he attacked Billbury.

Richard and Officer Billbury struggle on the ground for a bit, until Richard rolled him over and repeatedly beat him in the face. He finally took his gun and ordered him back in the helicopter, which Lenny and Richard followed him into.

"Fly, you bitch." Ordered Richard.

Officer Billbury did exactly as Richard said and flew them as far as they could go before gas became a problem. They just barely got across the California state lines when they had to find a spot to land. They crash landed into a large parking lot and immediately ran for the street to find a car. Richard stepped out into the road and pointed his gun at a large blue car, which skid and squealed as it stopped in front of him.

"Get the Hell out of the car and we will not hurt you!" Lenny shouted.

As soon as the man emerged from his car, Richard shot him in the face and then got into the car. They all three buckled up as Richard peeled out and ran over the former owner of their get away car. Quickly Richard went speeding onto a main highway, following the directions Billbury gave as he gave them. Only having to stop once for gas before then pulled into a quiet little neighborhood.

"This is it." Billbury said as they stopped in front of a large white house.

Without a verbal response, Richard hopped out of the car and rushed up the lawn followed by Lenny and Billbury. They had to peek into many windows before they found his wife napping on the couch. Billbury had no doubt that the little girl was playing upstairs, which meant that a gun was out of the question.

Lenny and Billbury watch from the window as Richard goes running around the house and out of sight. Moments later they see his shadow like figure sneaking up behind her, which filled both Lenny and Billbury with excitement. Richard quickly leaped onto the couch and on top of the wife, hesitating long enough for her to wake up and look at him before he began to thrust his knife into her chest. She cried out in pain as blood poured from her many stab wounds. He watched her for a moment as if enjoying the way she looked as she died, and then he looked up at Lenny and smiled.

Richard emerged from the front door, whistling as he gestured for them to hurry up. They walked toward the blue car until he said for them to get into the wife's black SUV. Quickly they sped off from the scene, not wasting any time until they got back near the helicopter. Richard stops and orders Billbury to get back to the helicopter and tie himself up.

                                                                *******

Months went past that Lenny and Richard had to be in hiding, killing their way across country as they waited for Billbury to gain his cash. The story was covered on the news and it said he got millions, but not once had he looked for them. Sleazy motel rooms and TV dinners was not part of the live they were supposed to be living down in Mexico. The men dreamed of many beers and topless women on the beach, though all they saw was fuzzy porn, piss water and dips in the occasional public pool.

"Lenny, I think it is time that we get our cut."

"I agree."

"One way or another, I will get something out of this incident with Billbury."

"Yeah, plus Arizona weather sounds good."

For many days the two felons traveled until they made it to Mike Billbury's estate. Early one morning he opened his door to find two pistols in his face, which then made Mike very much so obligated to invite his old business partners into his home.

"We want our money for what we did." Richard said.

"Yeah, you got the girl and the news claims that you got millions." Lenny added.

"Fine, I'll go to the bank and you'll get your cash later today." Mike said. "Now if you will excuse me, my princess has school and I need you to be gone."

Richard and Lenny waited in their car until they saw Mike emerge with his daughter. The small blond girl in a little blue dress still has no idea of the crimes that took place in her name. They follow Mike to her school, and then watch as he drives away. Lenny opens his door as Richard pulls up which made it easy to grab her without completely stopping the car.

"Hello little girl, what's your name?" Lenny asked.

The frightened little girl did not respond.

"Damn it, what's your name?" Lenny asked.

"Lilly." The girl said as she began to cry.

"Now Lilly, I promise you that all will be fine if your Daddy does his job. Do you understand?" Lenny asked.

Lilly nodded her head.

"Lenny, just put her in the back seat so that the whole world can't see the little girl we just snatched!"

"Ok, Richard."

They decided to hide out for hours at Mike's place until he finally arrived home. He burst through the front door looking for his daughter, which he found sitting on Richard's lap. Lenny immediately approached him, but quickly found a pistol pointing in his face. Richard matched his threat by pointing a gun a Lilly's head, pushing it hard enough for her to begin to cry.

"Mike, don't be an idiot." Richard said.

"Look Richard, I have your cash. I also needed a way to be sure that we wouldn't end up dead once I paid you."

"And pointing a gun a Lenny was your best idea?"

"He is your best friends and you know it, this would pain you if he got hurt."

"Oh, really?" Richard said as he stood up and put a bullet through Lenny's shoulder.

Mike let him drop to the ground and then tossed a bag full of cash at Richards's feet.

"C'mon, now give me my daughter."

"Or what?"

Before Mike could answer, a loud sound of sirens echoed from outside of the home. Mike smiled at Richard and began to walk toward him. Lenny was lying on the floor in pain, screaming at Richard for actually shooting him.

"It is all over now, so my advice to you is to give it up." Mike said.

"You'll die before I go to jail, as will your little girl. Hell, I'll kill myself before I go back to that Hell hole." Richard replied.

"Please, go ahead and do what you must, but I ask of you to send my little girl out of the room before you get violent?"

"As if you care for her well being, you're a joke."

Richard let Lilly go as he pointed his gun at Mike Billbury. Lilly ran to her Father, then ran upstairs as he instructed. Mike Billbury put his arms out in the air, as if waiting for Richard to do his worst. Richard looked away from Mike for a moment and down at Lenny, feeling disgusted that he is still down.

"Lenny, get the Hell up!"

"I can't because you shot me, remember?"

"Pick him up!" Richard shouted at Mike.

"Fine." Said Mike as he pulled him to his feet, then pushed him into a chair.

The police can be heard on the front lawn, as they make their advances and their demands. Richard began to panic for he couldn't go back to jail. He pointed the gun at Mike Billbury as he stepped closer to him. He placed the barrel hard against his forehead and stared into his eyes for an extended amount of time. Richard smiled as he prepared to pull the trigger, but a shot fired from behind him and went through his head, splattering blood and skull all over Mike. Lenny lay slumped over in his chair with his smoking gun pointed at Mike. Mike put his hands in the air, but slowly lowered them when Lenny lowered his gun.

"He was a good friend, but a psychopath all the same. He gambled with my life, a lousy shot who was willing to get me killed." Lenny said with tears in his eyes.

"That was brave of you, but what now?"

"Now I go to prison and you take care of your daughter. She will be safe now, won't she?"

"Yes, of course. My wife was toxic, but my daughter is an angel. Which is the difference between Richard and myself, He would kill again and again where as I did it once for the benefit of my child."

Lenny got up from the table, dropped his gun and made his way toward the front door. He opened it slowly and emerged with his hands up, only to be gunned down by a police officer who thought he was armed. The police rush the house and almost kill Mike until they see who he was and saw Richard splattered on the floor.

The police call for an ambulance as Mike left the kitchen and walked up the stairs. He entered the room of his daughter and picked her up to leave the house. She held on to him tightly as he rushed down the stairs, out the front door and into his car.

A police officer stopped him to give him back the bag of ransom money and to quickly question him on the incident. He told them that they killed his wife and wanted to kill his daughter, as to force him to share the life insurance. The officer smiled as he thanked him.

"Daddy, what happened to Mommy?" Lilly asked as they pulled away from the house.

"Those men hurt her, but Daddy got them so they can never come back."

"Daddy, I saw you."

"What?"

"I was there when those mean man hurt Mommy and I saw you through the window. You were smiling as he hurt her, I saw you there before I saw him."

"Lilly, you're mistaken. Daddy wasn't there, but he wishes he was." Mike said as he stopped his car.

Mike couldn't help but admire her persistence and of course take solace in the fact that she was clearly a chip off of the ol' block. For a 7-year-old little girl she sure did have guts, though he would break her of it in time. Mike knew that she was of great value for the monthly checks, plus the killer life insurance policy that he would clearly cash in when the time was right. Maybe she would drown in a swimming pool accident or Daddy might take her to go running with the bulls.

"Daddy, you're a liar!"

"Lilly, you're confused!"

"No Daddy, I saw Mommy get hurt and so did you."

"This whole experience must have been stressful for you, which is why I'll seek out a doctor for you. But I wouldn't go around saying that I was there, or else they will say you're crazy and lock you up."

"But Daddy, I..." Lilly tried to explain.

"Quiet Lilly or else the world will think you're a bad girl. Do you want that, do you want to be punished? If so, then keep talking."

Lilly fell silent in the backseat, fearful of getting into trouble for her words. Mike Billbury started driving again, onward toward the sunset with his next paycheck in the backseat. He cashed in on his ex wife at the cost of two felons and still he knows that his child is worth much more alive then dead, at least for now.

The End.

 

* * * *

Other links, where you can view and purchase Stephen's work:

http://serialkillercalendar.com/

http://www.lulu.com/content/2368900

http://www.lulu.com/content/2088659

6:59 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

June 8, 2008 - Sunday

STFP Presents: The Art of Marcelo aka Snuffle© The Raver Baby™ WEEK TWO
Current mood: cultured
Category: Art and Photography

Stranger Than Fiction Press continues its month-long salute to artist Marcelo!

This week, we would like to share with you a poem that Marcelo has written, along with some other pieces of artwork from his ever-growing collection.

Enjoy!

*

My Izzy-Pops
by Marcelo Goycoechea (c) 2008

U are the I to the Izzy
The Izzy Wizzy Izzy-Pops
Gettin on bizzy'
Till you Get dizzy
U fizzy fizzy fizzy like a yummy-yummy Soda POP.
UR as cool as Ice
That UR twice as nice
I know it's true
Cause I see your crew
A band full of artists, writers and ninjas-
who they all like you
Cause your pretty and smart-thats off da chart
who makes pretty art-
thats full of love-that fills my heart
I knew your good friend from the start.
U are the treatz of my sweetz
that fills my feetz
with Happy Beatz-
That it really wanna makes Snuffle do-the-shuffle like a deck of cards
your the queen of hearts
A queen thats filled with love and art.
Lets make a promise
A pinky-swear
as you stare into my binky
please make your share-
that our friendship will shine-
always and forever-
Forever and ever till' the end of time
My Izzy-Izzy-Wizzy-Wizzy-Dizzy-Bizzy-Izzy bizzy Izzy Izzy Izzy-pops!!
Before im done and before im Gone
Would you please be so kind and write me a Song =o)

* * * *

"I was unable to read time in the 6th grade" Acrylic and watercolor, ©2007

TeCh SnuFFy~80gB, Snuffle© The Raver Baby™

 

There is plenty more to view on his page. Head over there and show your support!!!!

Marcelo on MySpace

 

9:15 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

June 2, 2008 - Monday

Stranger Than Fiction Press Presents: The Art of Marcelo aka Snuffle© The Raver Baby™
Current mood: animated
Category: Art and Photography

For the month of June, STFP will be featuring various works from the amazingly talented Marcelo, also known as "Snuffy" or "Snuffle the Raver Baby".

Marcelo is a fine artist/cartoonist and illustrator from New York City who works in a vast array of media including: watercolor, acrylics, pencils, marker etc.

His unique artistic style allows him to experiment in many different styles and create an ever-expanding universe of characters and colors.

Marcelo's work has been featured at the TENELEVEN bar in New York City, and we have offered comics and other art pieces of his here on STFP.

[The Original. Snuffle© The Raver Baby™]

["SNUFFLE Vs DOOMSDAY"] Snuffle© The Raver Baby™]

 

Here, we have selected only a couple of pieces for your viewing pleasure.  There will be more as the month goes on.

There is plenty more to view on his page. Head over there and show your support!!!!

Marcelo on MySpace

7:40 AM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

May 30, 2008 - Friday

YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE! "Any Minute Now" is currently available for purchase!
Current mood: excited
Category: Writing and Poetry

Stranger Than Fiction Press™ is quite proud to announce that a poetry chapbook from our own Peter Hammarberg is now available for purchase!

* * * * * *

"Any Minute Now" is a short, self-published collection of recent works from up-and-coming poet, Peter Hammarberg.

Several salacious selections to stir syllabic stimulation! With original front cover art by Christina (TNTina) D'Airo.

If you've enjoyed any of his work in the past, then you will love this compilation.

 

* * * * * *

To order, please visit STFP's profile - or Peter's MySpace.  Each chapbook is $5 + $1.50 (optional) Shipping and handling fee.

1:52 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

May 9, 2008 - Friday

On The Precipice Comic 10
Current mood: accomplished
Category: Art and Photography

*

 

Greetings, friends!

 

Long time, no blog - as they say. (I think.)  And yes, it's been a while.

 

So first of all, I want to thank you for your continued patience and fandom over the past few months.  It's something that Peter and I greatly appreciate.  Things here have been slow going, but that's something we're determined to change!

 

This O.T.P., for example, has been on the docket for . . . months. I am very much to blame for the delay, since Peter wrote the script long, long ago and I took my sweet time getting everything together.  Then, once I finally had everything inked, I couldn't get Photobucket to work properly, so it was sort of like a weird internet Karma.

 

My sloth was not for lack of interest, I assure you! I've been spending some extra time doing my creative homework, albeit really really slowly. Heh.

 

Well, ANYway . . . hope you enjoy the new comic!  Drop a line, let us know what you think!

 

TTFN!

~TNTina

7:05 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

April 1, 2008 - Tuesday

The Illuminyte by Harry Contol - Comic One
Current mood: inquisitive
Category: Writing and Poetry

I have known Tim Mucci for many years. He is as brilliant as he is fuzzy, but I digress…
Tim’s uncovered a veritable library of lost comics, created by the enigmatic Harry Control. They are poignant, intelligent, and very well done. Tim feels that the people (despite his unsuccessful attempts to find Mr. Control) should view these works. Stranger Than Fiction Press proudly presents, The Illuminyte!

-Pete


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January 9, 2008 - Wednesday

Poetry Showcase: Joseph L. D’Airo
Current mood: productive
Category: Writing and Poetry

Stranger Than Fiction Press is proud to present the debut of another young poet: Joseph L. D'Airo, from New York!

Visit his MySpace.

*

Joseph Woke Up


Joseph woke up, to his bedroom

The tunes on the radio as his eyes unfurled

He got up to see the moon

Joseph woke up, to the world......


I want to transform!!!

 
He said days go by, I don't know why

I'm walking on a road, the vision is swirled

Blinded by the light, made to cry

Into the world


Joseph sat down at his favorite park, to decide

With a book and a pencil for invention

He wanted to see with his mind inside

He stared out with no intention


He said days go by, I don't know why

Every page is blank, each idea hurled

To be what I was to be, I so try!

Into the world


Violation, oppression is ageless

Stare at your watch, it goes faster

Suicide is blameless

Realize that love is better


Joseph came to work from yesterday's affair

He sat in his chair and stared

The screen, black as night

Jaded and restless, giving fright


He said days go by, I don't know why

Trial and error, I'm never right

Looking for answers, never found on my dime

They say that I will always have the time


I'm loosing my mind

Into the world


Joseph went traveling to a place far away

The train ride would be good for soul to stay

Listening to his player at his side

Talking of things he never tried


He said days go by, I don't know why

Never desires to be

Listing all the people who tell me

How quickly life goes by

 

Sorrow can be defeated

Time is all you learned

Dreaming is needed

Watch out or the pain will burn


I'm loosing my mind!

Into the world


Take the gun, its being lead

You always knew it

Face your head,

Just point and do it


Count the years you'll be missing

Change the sky to amber gray

Hold on to thoughts your are kissing

Realize you just passed the best time of day

 
Joseph said that days go by I don't know why

Let have the change, I can't find

Restless and tired I can't get by

 

It's all in my mind!


Into the world……

It's all in my mind!

Into the world……

I want to take off!!!

Into the world….

©2007

 

9:39 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

January 7, 2008 - Monday

Melancholy Flower 10 - "RUBY"
Current mood: mischievous
Category: Art and Photography

7:02 PM - 4 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

December 27, 2007 - Thursday

Lit Showcase: VIctor Schwartzman
Category: Writing and Poetry

Victor Schwartzman is a diverse writer from Canada. His work has been seen in many publications, such as Arabesques Press International, Defenestration, and The American Drivel Review, to name a few. He also is the force behind the hilarious Herald Weekly Newspaper novel, which we will also showcase once we are Adobe Reader compatable. Without futher ado, the first installment of  selected works by Victor Schwartzman.

 

 

The Politician Who Got Smarter 

      When Charly Humble was elected to Parliament, his IQ was 134.  After eight years in office it dropped to 129.  When he was elected Prime Minister, it sank to 98.6.   

      But then a terrorist blew up a building.  Charly toured the wreckage, made a speech and looked strong.  His approval ratings shot up, and something remarkable happened: the higher his approval ratings climbed, the smarter Charly became.  His IQ was 98.6 on the day of the bombing, but after showing up at the site and looking like a leader, it rose to 115.  After speaking on tv about standing up to the terrorists, it rose until he became almost as smart as he had been before he entered public life.

      Using his new intelligence, Charly realized the connection between his ratings and increased brainpower.  Knowing that if there were only a few more events, he would become a genius, he decided to start a war.  It worked--but only at first.  The war dragged on until his poll results plummeted, followed of course by a similar sharp drop in Charly's intelligence.  When he became an idiot he did the smart thing and stopped the war.

      He eventually retired.  An honourary degree stabilized his intelligence, and his public pension was significant.   
 

 

Fast Food Heaven 

      One Summer afternoon, as Frank placed his old newspapers in the blue recycling bin in his back yard, he yet again had the disquieting experience of watching his little Shitzhu perform her own version of recycling, creating waste from one end and then gobbling it back up with the other.  It certainly was part of the cycle of life, although not to everyone's taste. 

      Taking a cue from how fast food chickens are raised, Frank purchased a large barn with a lot of small cages, brought in a truckload of small dogs, and then packaged and marketed their produce as the ultimate fast food:

      Protein, minerals, but no transfats

      Edible package, so it doesn't have to be opened and you don't have to look at it

      Available in chunky or smooth

      Predigested

      Not having to open the package before eating was clever, but Frank showed his genius with pre-digested, which turned out to be the biggest selling point for fast food fans.  Government regulation was not a problem—politicians and Health Department officials were among his hungriest customers.   


 

 

Literary Delusions 

      An author laboured under a delusion: that he knew how readers understood his writing.  He knew he had a delusion, being an insightful author, but resented having any delusions at all (which was in itself a delusion, of course, but then he had delusions about his delusions).  In any event, as it bruised his ego to have a delusion, he decided one day to ask it to leave.

      "Leave?  Certainly not," the delusion replied.  "I've got quite the solitaire game going.  Unlike you, I know what I have and am quite comfortable."

      Worried, the author decided to try Education.  He enrolled in Universities and after being awarded Degrees asked if he had not Education enough to rid himself of his delusion.

      Responded the delusion, "Thanks for the friend!  I love Cribbage."

      Even more concerned, the author decided to try Religion.  He studied various religions, attended churches and mosques and synagogues, and when he believed he had improved his soul sufficiently he asked if he had not Religion enough to rid himself of his delusion.

      To which the delusion replied, "Now we can play Hearts!"

      Now growing desperate, the author decided to try Love.  He found a woman and listened to her when he had to and had sex with her and did his share of the housework, and then asked if he had not Love enough to rid himself of his delusion.

      "Bridge at last!" 
 

Victor Schwartzman

victors@mts.net

Published in Defenestration

Published in anthology of TRA/No Record


 

About The Author

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