Don't call it it a comeback.....I've been here for years

So trading a 16-mile round trip commute to work for a 126-mile epic journey may not have been such a great idea. That being said, the hour plus ride each way usually gives me ample time for self reflection and time to quietly ponder thoughts that mean nothing to anyone but me.

Life is good and I wish I could devote more time to blogging but the pressures of being a full time dad, worker and asshole, definitely cut into the free computer time. So without further ramblings here we go in no particular order.

Who steals shit paper? The other day at work I go to drop the Cosby kids off at the pool, I was thoroughly enjoying the bathroom and then panic oh no! No paper. I duck walk pants around my ankles to the next stall. Empty? 3 stalls, 6 rolls all gone. I wiped with a paper towel. So wrong. The person who did this is probably the same guy who steals the plastic forks, and the salt and pepper, from the lunchroom

Ever notice that the louder, smellier and more disgusting the bowel movement, the more people will walk into the bathroom to wash their hands?

Call it the result of being born in the Dukes of Hazard generation but whenever I drive on a dirt road I spin the tires, drift around turns, and generally (hahahaha general lee) drive like a jerk.

That song "your beautiful" has officially annoyed me? I saw your face in a crowded place; I went home and made some stew, in a pot that was brand new.

I wonder if bugs are attracted by the smell of fresh wax and Rain X?

It should be legal to beat someone to death for driving behind you with their high beams, fog lights and driving lights on. I usually try to find the other jerk of the road, Mr. and Mrs. Ill drive 25 miles an hour slower then the speed limit. I pass them and leave them and Mr. bright lights together.

Do fireflies come out during the day?

I have to shave my face every day when the new job starts. Only facial hair that can remain is the mustache. I cant decide on a style? What do you all think?

The Burt

The Rollie

The Einstein

The Freddie Mercury

The Clark Gable

Or my favorite that probably is illegal... The earl

Ever have a song follow you? Lately the eagles, "take it easy" has been following me from radio station to radio station?

I hate it when something cool comes on the radio, only to fade out before you can figure out whats going on. Quote from today the perfect woman is one who will cook clean and not call the cops when you beat her with a bag of oranges for mouthing off WTF and then static. Ponderous

There are too many big houses and not enough farms left on the back roads I travel.

7:50 PM - 19 Comments - 27 Kudos - Add Comment

Shit, parenthood,Safe and strange Ads all happen
Category: Automotive

I like commercials. Usually they are so predicable, that I can see the sell a mile away. Recently two ads completely got me. I was watching and wondering what the fuck is this? Is it for allergy medicine or for herpes, perhaps its a 7-11 spot.  Just about the time I would notice that the drivers in the ad were busier talking then driving! BAM car wreck!

Now I dont know if seeing a brand of car wreck would make me more likely to buy it. The funny part is distracted drivers probably should. Lets watch the video and then Ill discuss other Shit that happens. Shit that doesnt even get a video.

..>" target="_self">video 1

..>" target="_self">v2

Ok now a short list of things that happen, that also suck but don't get a video.

Getting kicked, hit or struck in the balls is not funny! not even when Johnny Knoxville and the rest of the jackass boys do it.

Getting your dick caught in a zipper, really sucks! I did it once when i was 13. Given the choice between getting unstuck by yanking the zipper or suicide, i'm suprised more dead bodys with  pricks stuck in zippers aren't found.

Stubbing your fucking toe sucks. furniture, walls and the occasional steel toed boot allways wins next to a bare foot. And why is it allways the pinky toe that takes the worst hits?

Cranky, Swamp or Sweat Ass. Someone needs to find a cure for when your working in the heat and suddenly your Ass, taint and ball sack suddenly becomes hot and itchy. You can only wash your ass in a sink so many times before people wonder. And powder and corn statch make paste.

Gas prices that go up 10 cents during the time it takes you to run some errands and drive past them later. Its the same gas that was in your underground tank this morning. You paid for it allready! I just don't fucking get it.

1:00 AM - 18 Comments - 30 Kudos - Add Comment

Super Nate takes on the Super Nanny
Current mood: sick
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

I was watching tv and my mind got wandering. I was thinking that Super-Nanny probably is pretty perverted in the sack. Shes british, moderatly cute and I think she would be in charge.

I picture a night with her going something like this.

Guy; hey can i take you home?

SN; only if you say please

Guy; please

SN;ok will you eat it?

Guy; I don't want to eat it

SN; how will you know if you like it?

Guy; i don't know

SN; well if you eat it, i'll let you push in my naughty stool for ten minutes

Smell my finger bitches

7:05 PM - 14 Comments - 26 Kudos - Add Comment

A rant not about babies or fatherhood.
Category: Automotive

ExxonMobil should take the Record 5.4 million dollar profit it made last quarter and pay the puntitive damages it still owes from the exxon valdez spill. You greedy money hungry pricks, i hope in your next life you come back as an oil covered duck or as a salmon with respitory problems.

I hope the boycott american drivers are trying to plan against your company actually would work. It won't because most americans are complete morons. Case in point look what we drive in this country.

Check this site out, its dedicated to the fine art of giving anyone who drives A hummer the finger and capturing it on film or video. Its called fuck you H2 and its worth a minute of laughs or two. Over 3000 pictures sent in from around the world of people flipping off hummers and their retarted drivers.

If you drive anything that gets less then 15 miles to the gallon regardless of brand. I sure hope its for working. Otherwise your a tool.

Illegal immigration. I got this one figured out too. Whenever we as a country just about get ready to revolt againt this INCOMPETENT fool of a president and his corrupt, inefficent cabinet, he throws out an issue that divides us all again. Don't belive me! What were his rating doing when Gay Marrigage was an issue?Abortion debate? He has used one issue after another to try to smoke and mirror his way out everyone finding out what an idiotic asshole he really is.

2:42 PM - 9 Comments - 19 Kudos - Add Comment

Baby is here

Its official. I am a dad. Hannah Elizabeth was born on Thursday the 13th at 11:30 pm. A 6 pound 10 ounce cutie. She looked so small surrounded by a nursery full of 9 and 10 pound babys.

It still feels like shock, and it all hasn't sunk in. She stares at me when I  hold her, and i just know its all as it should be.

I can't write much know as its time to change a diaper, but for fun, the place to put the pictures and the new myspace youngest record, you can check out my daughters myspace page.

Theres a few pics a subtle joke or two and it can be checked out here.

Hannahs myspace page

10:21 PM - 36 Comments - 66 Kudos - Add Comment

Drop a coin right into the slot. You got to hear something thats really hot.

So I sit here tonight, pondering the big Question's

Am I ready for this?

Am I in over my head?

Will I fuck this up?

Do I have the necessary skills required for this job?

This looks complicated; perhaps I should consult the manual.

Wow, perhaps I can figure this out.

There are sites on the internet that might help.

A bet a bunch of you are thinking, father to be is have some last minute jitters.

I am!

But this little blog is not about babies and fatherhood.

No! Its about my chances of fixing a jukebox thats been sitting in my house for almost a year. I moved it out of the babies room and now it mocks me as I type on the computer.

Its old school, records that crackle and pop at 45 revolutions a minute. Electronics that frankly look like some experiment gone wrong at Dr. Frankensteins laboratory. Three plays for a nickel, such a deal. A 1965 Rock-Ola Starlet.

 I think Im going to give it a shot, as I can get it to play a record, but not put it back in the carousel and grab another when its done. It probably can't be any worse then when I rebuilt this pinball machine. Allthough it did have the annoying habit of blowing fuses during the games i was whupping it's ass

But know is the time for Myspace participation. How many of my readers remember records in Jukeboxs and not CD's. If you remember 45's did you have a favorite.As a kid I knew the way to make the jukebox thump was to play Another one bites the dust, by Queen. That song has so much bass its absurd.

9:01 PM - 23 Comments - 40 Kudos - Add Comment

Super-Nate approves this message

Hey everyone.

life is still busy, and still no baby yet...

My sister wrote a good blog and i think its worth a look.

Andys take on immigration

I hope everyone is good and I hope to return to blogging when the baby comes and work slows down.

3:25 PM - 12 Comments - 24 Kudos - Add Comment

I got tagged the fuck up
Category: Games

The 1st player of this "game" starts with the topic "6 weird habits/things about yourself" and people who get tagged need to write a blog about their 6 weird habits/things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "you are tagged" in their myspace comments and tell them to read yours.

Heather "tagged" me

6 Weird things about me:

1. I love to refer to myself in the third person. Such as Super-Nate is the fucking bomb.

2. I once had sex with a little person (or midget if the PC term offends you)

3. I once shared a bucket of chicken with a homeless girl who smelled like pee.

4. In high school I went to a party with a bunch of friends and pretended I was deaf for 5 hours. I communicated with my pad and faked lip reading and sign language. I heard a very drunk girl speaking behind me say "oh my god Amy, I think I'm totally going to fuck the deaf guy. That's when I blew it and turned around and said "really" The only word I spoke all night and it blew it for me.

5. Fake titties make me want to retch. I can always tell when they are fake too.

6. I'm a human sponge who knows more obscure bits of knowledge then any normal person should be subjected too.

I'm tagging Sherrie, Adam, Andrea, Trish, Tiger eyes & Fawn

8:15 PM - 23 Comments - 34 Kudos - Add Comment

Tales, observations and musing from the road.
Current mood: FANFUCKINGTASTIC
Category: FANFUCKINGTASTIC Travel and Places

 Observations

I just got back from long island, and boy is my middle finger tired. People need to learn how to drive. I've never seen more 60 thousand dollar cars with no blinkers. The slow lane is the one on the right, not the middle one, you fucking  jerk off. Uggggghhhh people on the L*I*E should D*I*E.

I've learned that by driving alone, there are some advantages.

You can rock out to the same CCR or Neil Young Cd for a long time and even sing off key. You can swear at cars and not offend anyone. You can even pick your nose and scratch your balls if you're so inclined.

The only time it sucks is when you're trying to read a map at 80 mph and avoid the douchbag in the Lexus that decides to exit the freeway at the last second with a 4 lane sweep.

Things I've recently learned by listening carefully

From a fat man standing next to me; "that if more people had to qualify as smoke readers (Visual Emissions Estimators) that the experience would rank up there with marriage and the DMV". Very true fat man

From a stripper at the pool; "I'm only doing it until my modeling career takes off". Ain't denial swell

From the same stripper; "Coke is non-fattening" So is full blown aids, but I don't see anyone signing up for that

From the concierge; "Why yes sir, whatever you desire I can arrange for" Ok I took advantage of this guy by continually asking him for the weirdest stuff. I called him at 2AM and asked if he could get me some rope? He replied; Yes sir, what kind? I told him "the kind that a fair maiden could struggle against and not aggravate her skin. He asked how long should it be? I told him to forget it and bring me a coke. I need a concierge 24/7, he was great. My wife tells me to get my own soda and stop being such a lazy fuck!

Stuff that I don't understand but that's okay

Yes I am still alive

My friends, my readers, my fellow bloggers,

I have missed you all. I was not killed in a botched liquor store hold-up. Nor was I abducted by aliens. Life is busy, way to busy to even try to blog on a regular basis.

Trust me I miss it too, I will write occasionally but time constraints are so out of control, trying to get one blog in a week is going to be tough. The baby will be here soon, I'm living at work, and life is hectic.

At work the other day, I found a hidden gem, a notebook from about a year ago. Some of the stuff was funny. Buried in between temperature control notes, chemistry data, and a few meeting notes laid a few short poems of the inner stressed genius of Super-Nate from the past.Since at this point i have been writing technical documents for weeks, i'll just share the old stuff i found.

                          Proud and tough, rough and rude

Oh, you got a job

Me too

What do you do?

That sounds interesting, king of cool

You get paid to drive around maintaining pools

What do you do in the winter?

You teach people to ski

What's that you ask, What about me?

I play with molten metal

Yeah really

It's hot as hell; you think I'm being silly

Hot enough to melt your boot soles

Hot enough to take its toll

So hot that you can't sweat

Don't look like that, it's my life don't fret

I've had hot flames lick my ass

Been evacuated due to gas

Dodged objects bigger then cars, falling from the sky

Seen saw blades dislodge, seen shit fly

Hit hard enough that I really saw stars

Yeah, you got a job but it ain't shit compared to mine.

Mr. Lady's man

Met her in the bar

Took her to the car

She said she loved my charm

Out the door arm and arm

The jukebox played my Springsteen song

The time we spent it wasn't long

With your feet upon my dash

It only cost one dollar cash

Now "I'm on fire" always makes me feel wrong

3am regret

 A cold cup of coffee

Way too many smokes

A few more hours

A sick pathetic joke

Slave to an imaginary job

Master to make believe subservient's

Mr. Hero, Mr. Mans Man

Mr. Zero, Mr. I think I can

Working for nothing, just to pay bills

In here its hustle and bustle

Where she's at its still

A hopeless romantic too scared to leap

She's on the mountain, climbing it's steep

I'm sucking in fumes and dust, don't think it's fair

She's in the mountains, breathing fresh air

2:51 PM - 27 Comments - 54 Kudos - Add Comment

Fun on subways

I got got back from NYC and boy do I love Having my own transportation.

The MTA as far as I can asscertain, Probably couldn't get their dick to a urinal on time. massive delays, miscommunication, and the slowest scedule known to man....At bargin prices I may add.

The people who live in the city are a strange breed. i saw some weird stuff over the last few days. Such as;

Moo, Moo. I felt like cattle.

                                     I'm here to talk about Jesus.

He lives in New York city.

Thats why I'm here

To talk about jesus

He will return this year

Thats why I'm here

Talking about Jesus

Slight pause for audience response..... Nothing

 I'm here to talk about Jesus.

He lives in New York city.

Thats why I'm here

To talk about jesus

He will return this year

Thats why I'm here

Talking about Jesus

For 3 fucking stops I listened to this guy repeat the same thing over, and over, and over. I was so tempted to Say "AND THEN".

Thats when it hit me. Genuis that I am, thats why everyone who is forced to ride the subway owns an IPOD.

What about hookers, needle drugs, and violence?

The redeeming factor is the girls... oh how I love you

So Many shapes, styles and sizes, I want to eat you all.

Also notice everyone is allways sleeping on the train?

But I saved the best for last. the only thing that makes mass transit fun.

More to come on subway musicians or why a bucket is for washing cars not for the rhythm Section

7:26 PM - 35 Comments - 55 Kudos - Add Comment

What do Super-Nate and Rosie Perez have in common.
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

This is actually going to be a tough question so i will make give you some choices. In white men can't jump She played a character named Gloria. What do we both have in common?

A: We are both fine as shit

B: We both hate the term "screw"

C: We both know five vegtables that start with the letter Q

D:  both of us are going to make it big on JEOPARDY.

The answer is all of the above.

I will be at the Jacob Javits Convention Center on Saturday from 10-12.

I am going to attempt to qualify for the show. I have been studying hard for the last two years and average about 13,000 dollars a show playing at home per show. I promise if I make the show it will be classic as they never have animated people like me.

From Summitville Ny,  An aluminum Factory worker, Nate Berg

When alex comes through after the first commercial with his stupid question expect something like this?

So Nate, could you explain the story about the trip to the zoo.

Sure Alex, the monkeys threw poo, top bloggers rock, baba booey.

Gee Nate that is funny, your comment ripped open the space time continueum.

Sorry about that Alex. I'll take funny whores in history for 800 dollars

Wish me luck and I'll be in the city if any of my blogger freinds want to meet for a coffee. Read andrea's blox about Trebek

7:15 PM - 35 Comments - 57 Kudos - Add Comment

Stuck in the middle with you
Category: Writing and Poetry

I am not a poet, just a guy who enjoys writing. Sometimes its funny, sometimes it's sad, but it's always true. To read a real poet click on my friend Gary R Smith II. He will look like Shakespeare after my hack attempt at conveying my point

Desperate

I only feel alive in the dead parking lot

Myself instead of a caricature

Confused and morally torn

Conflicted

Between the wrong right and the right wrong

This jukebox has a million songs

Desperate

Confused and morally torn

Conflicted

               I try to choose to the beat of a wacky streetlight

I choose to stay undecided

Like an Olympian on the medal stand

I'll wear my scarlet letter proudly

The right intentions and the wrong reasons

To justify staying, to justify leaving

What a difference, just a couple seasons

3:46 PM - 19 Comments - 45 Kudos - Add Comment

Your Horoscope for the next week
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

I figured since I could write a Advice column, I could do a Horoscope Section as well. Here are your predictions for the next week.

*Super-Nate is not only not a Psychic but possibly a fucking moron to boot. Do not listen to his advice as he is a world class bullshit artist.

Aries Horoscope 
 Stop Bitch should be your "watch words" for this week. You need to go after what you most want even if you have to stand up and fight or argue for it. Wax a random part of your body.Listen to a Ramones album within the next two weeks. If you start now you could have them within that time frame. So take the bull by the horns and do your best.

Taurus Horoscope
This week starts a period of spending money so you must be sure you actually need what you are buying during the next seven weeks.Watch nothing but the Fox network during primetime hours. An old freind will try to borrow money, get a sexual favor as you will never see the money again. Keep all your receipts because you could be returning some things you did not actually need by mid April.

Gemini Horoscope
You can expect to be very busy for the next seven weeks.Retain a lawyer as you know you didn't do it. The Killer who molest's chicken's is hiding in the bushes outside your local grocery store.You will find that your precise timing is everything.

Cancer Horoscope
An offer you should not refuse should be coming your way now.Wear a red shirt every day this week. Don't eat that taco, you will pay for it all week. You will have a strange encounter with Paula Abdul,  don't have sex with her.

Leo Horoscope
You will need all the perseverance you can muster for the next two weeks or so. Take a different way to work this week. Play at least 10 games of pinball before friday.Buy something random on E-bay

Virgo Horoscope
Hopefully fortune smiled on you late Sunday night when you or your mate had a chance to gain some extra money.  Extra money continues to come in for only another two weeks so plan accordingly. Blow the money on a gift for your favorite fake psycic personality.

Libra Horoscope                                             You have from now until mid March to make all the changes you want to achieve. You can expect success until then from these decisions and actions.Try as you may, you will spill something on yourself.Relatiate by stomping mustard and ketchup packets by the front door of your local Wal Mart Everything you do for the next month turns out successful.

Scorpio Horoscope
Late Tuesday night could be fortunate for you, the person your intrested in will completly surprise you with a request for hot monkey sex.This week you know just what to say to win an argument or to present your reasons for doing something controversial. Shave your head or put it in pigtails, your choice

Sagittarius Horoscope
This will be a bad week.Stay in bed and don't answer your phone. Do not put too much emphasis on responsibilities, concentrate instead on your own priorities such as building a lasting foundation for yourself. Drink a bottle of single malt scotch with raviloi's.

Capricorn Horoscope 
All this week you can easily get your own way because you talk a good story and are also very believable. You may have to change your story a bit, but it works.The person who blew the horn at you died in a 1 car accident. Don't feel bad about wishing death on them, someone else wished it too and they are to blame.

Aquarius Horoscope                                                           You have a clear view of what you want out of life and starting in April you will go after your goal so until then, be patient. Learn to bellydance. Visit a Ymca dressed as your favorite village person. It will bring an amazing series of events. Trust me!

Pisces Horoscope
If you are in any kind of argument this week, you win even though the other side presents some good points of interest.Resort to bullying and threats of violence if needed. You will stub your toe on Thursday. A woman at the grocery store was drooling into your cart, when you were buzy looking at cereal.

4:20 AM - 35 Comments - 57 Kudos - Add Comment

WWSND? Not a radio station just a silly advice blog
Category: Quiz/Survey

What would Super-Nate do? I'm sure you have all been in a situation where you have wondered "hhhhhhhmmmmm I'm confused, what would Super-Nate do?" Lucky for you I'm here to help. Ask your question about relationships, ethics, moral issues, or even what you should do with the dead hookers body?

*Disclaimer Super-Nate is not a licensed psychotherapist and his advice should be taken with a grain of salt.

3:58 PM - 60 Comments - 46 Kudos - Add Comment