Our Question is "Why?"

Our Question is "Why?"

3:06 PM - 5 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

A crash course in responsibility
Category: Life

I often wonder, really fucking often, what am I really doing? The question pertaining to whether my decision to leave everything and everyone I know and love, lose one of the best things that ever happened to me and start over isn't "was it the right choice?". Because it was. However, who the fuck am I to make "the right choice". As I begin on my road to financial stability, education and (like I would ever live this long) even fucking RETIREMENT, I find myself wondering if I am so busy looking down the road that I don't take any time to get the christ out of the car and have sex in the flower bed! Really now, did I grow up too soon. Don't get me wrong skeptics, I'm still the backtalking, egotistical , violence-lusting asshole you all know and hate, but I'M NOT USING ANY OF IT! I'm out here, working towards my future, but really, I miss having fucking FUN with everyone.

Theme:

Despite how much I hate to admit it, I really do miss you oxygen-thieves as much as I feared. And yes, your shitty little town (Palmdale is big compared to every town I get stuck in anyways) too.

Don't erase me, because I'll come back with a big red Sharpie and engrave my name into your foreheads so you don't forget that shit.

bye all (comment this shit, and yes Erich, pick it for typos and grammatical dysfunctions. Pick at the diction and the overuse of colloquialisms, and call my metaphors cliche. I love you for it)

--------Lau

9:47 PM - 8 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Thanksgiving
Category: Life

People are selfish.

There are times in which I can't help but see that look in their faces:

"it is far too painful to be close to you right now, to create positive memories which make it that much harder to watch you leave, so distance makes things easier."

Today it is so prevalent from every direction I can't help but notice it.

Thanksgiving

Give thanks for the human reflex reaction to impending pain-

Separation.

It must be easier for everyone to distance themselves today, so they can be thankful for my departure.

"At least we he's gone, and everyone can take comfort in the negative aspects that he brings with him".

Let's fight and patronize and make attempts tell you why your decisions are only hurting people, in all of your selfishness and lack of empathy.

It'll make it all the easier.

I can't help but feel alone right now, because everyone looks at me that way.

Sometimes I tell myself I am immune to depression:

Lies.

I hope it's easier for everyone when I am really gone, no regrets,. just remember everything that I fucked up.

I promise.

It will hurt less.

Happy Thanksgiving----

-----------Lau

1:16 PM - 8 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Listen

Well Children:

Listen
The fuck
Up.

Though due to my 2 dimensioinal vision, Erich will claim this impossible, I view this world as Quasidimensional and Multifaceted. Though there is, in juxstoposition to 360, an infitesimal breakdown of degrees and subdivisions. Every view, standpoint or scope an individual views and acts upon the world from is

There In-fucking-alienable RIGHT.

Thus:
Passing Judgement
Scoffing
Denouncing
Zealots

All bullshit.
and I am fucking SATURATED with the IGNORANCE.

Out of sheer curiosity, who told you that your way of life is right, and as such, you wield the staff of Ultimate Judgement? You are positive that your perception of the correct path of life is correct, objectively.

In all honesty, this shit drives me insan. So INSANE that I got my ass up at 5: 30 in the AM to light it up.

It is one thing:
When one lives a rigid, close-minded lifestyle-
but preaching
and acting as though your life is the way for all to follow

can BLOW me.

This rant is focused at certain individuals, and the fact that they will not read it does not even bother me. I would like to give special thanks to certain individuals who have enough respect to accept the decisions of others, however damaging, dangerous illegal or ridiculous(a common night out) they may be. Worry is one thing, gossip is another and denouncement is idiotic. Some of these people, whom I hold in high esteem for respecting decisions that conflict with their own:
Erich
Maech
James Gil
Mr. Guthrie
There are more, and If in my sleep-deprived state I missed you, all apologies, message me and I will make the alteration.
 
That is not to say that everyone else is close-minded, I was just making shining references

HOWEVER
To you narrow-fucking-minded individuals
scared to leave your cellophane, shrink wrapped bubble
of security
WHO
look down upon those outside in the torrent of reality
To THOSE OF YOU
Who destroy half-decade friendships and Romantic interests
Due to your own lack of trust
in your own
Self control

And in pointed, specific cases, wonder yourselves how the fucking TORRENT feels, and in a motion of pur hypocracy step out, but under the cover of darkness. I doubt things will ever mend-

And to those narrowminded fuckers I raise two hearty middle fingers, because you really fucking believe that your omniscient Judgement RULES.

Skip out on experiencing your short life

GO AHEAD

Hang up on me, denounce me, delete me off of your friend list and block me. You with your oh so fucking noble forms of battle, such as silence and hiding, COWARDS. Face me. Or does your justifcation falter?

Live in your holding pen, and avert your eyes from the atrocities of the world.

On day that shit will catch up to you motherfuckers
and when it does
I hope it kills you

This shit is for anyone who looks down on me, and people like me, for living dangerously. You scoff, and run, and close yourself off from me, a gang-greened Limb you sever. NIP ME AT THE BUD? Good try.

Remember you poor bastards, I don't want you to waste time fearing me. I could crush you to dust, but lashing out at you in violence won't save you. 

Just fear
Yourselves.

FUCK YOU HYPOCRITES

I feel better, with that public, I will be on my merry way.
Love and tenderness always
James Fucking Lau

5:50 AM - 11 Comments - 7 Kudos - Add Comment

Inevitability
Category: Life

I love the beach.
    I hate building sandcastles. You want to build them close to the water, so you can use the wet sand. For a long time you have fun making your sandcastle as beautiful and complex as all hell. You make tower after fucking tower, and the complexity begins to fold in on itself in your excitement. Then the tide begins to roll in, and you start fighting. You dig a moat, put up blockades, but the water just keeps drawing closer. The entrire time, you knew this shit would happen, you always know your sandcastle cannot last. The waves start breaking, and pillars come crashing down. You rebuild, but its not the same. Then you accept fate, and start fucking smashing it yourself. "it was going to happen anyways, I may as well aide the fates in their errands. We were all so good togther, parties of eleven at Denny's and the parade of black hoodies walking into albertsons at 11:30 PM. Capture the keys and late night skateparking. The Cult. Pipe dreams and OK GO dances. The faint screaming down Rancho Vista at 100 mph.
I love you all, but it seems that my castle crumbled. There will be nothing to cry about it when we hit the end, because most of you veered off before that. Though most have decided that they have had their lifetime fill of the James Lau experience, in all of its bruises and headaches and Authoritarian run-ins, curfiew tickets and bloody noses, police high beams and tray surfing, follow that car and fight club- I still truly miss all of you. It will never really leave, this feeling that we are all still friends somewhere. In all of my ranting, waving, breaking, yelling and fighting i can't get things back, after all, I was never that adept at making vrs. unmaking. Unfortunately, none of the people I am writing this to will probably ever read it, so, futile it is. With this realization, I will close this up. Live it up in college kids.
I will miss you all,

----------------James Anderson Lau

11:19 PM - 13 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Another one Bites the Dust.

*Shhhhking*. It is 2:23 AM, I walk away as my sword falls back into its metallic dungeon. I glance over my shoulder, as Sephiroth falls to his knees. IN the ever so elloquent words of Ryan Albertson: "And 1 Bitch!". Hell yeah, level 73, sephiroth dies. WOO!

Man, ee, then sephiroth. I am on a rampage. Any takers?

2:24 AM - 8 Comments - 9 Kudos - Add Comment

The battle is over

I hunch over slighly, pressing a sweaty palm to my open wounds. I drop to my knees, and my sword is sent careening out of my hands onto the marble floor. On all fours now, I glance back over my shoulder. There,bloodied and no longer breathing, lie the infernal extended essay. 

5:23 PM - 6 Comments - 7 Kudos - Add Comment

If you wonder why James Gil was punched in the head, and why it hurts to breathe. . .

I have been searching. . .
---Pretty much tirelessly for someone who would accompany me in a daily training excersize, which basically consists of beating the shit out of each other every day until both fighters become better. I could not find anyone, in my vast circle of contemporaries, who believed this was even remotely sane--but then I had not asked James had I?
    Today was fun, we went into Domenic Massari Park, pretty much in plain view of everyone in the soccer and tennis areas, and just went at it. It was good stuff, and I must admit
a. James has superior blocking and deflecting skills
b. His abs of steel are a fucking beast to penetrate
    In which case the fight was just about evenly matched; I would say. As both fighters were now fucking tired, I saw his guard drop. Completely believing that I was going to get a solid hit, I swung at the side of his head. Just as my knuckles made contact, I felt the air thrown from my lungs and I was sent sprawling backwards. It took about a minute to catch my breath. After the fight we grappled for a while, Josh purpus, being the CIF MASTER in wrestling, and all that stuff proceeded to pretty much dominate that little event. Good stuff. A good day. Until next time. Hats off to James, for being the only fucker whose insanity is on par with ym own.  see yah tomorrow man,
---Lau

7:17 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Everyone!

    All apologies for the lack of updates and comments etc. I don't have a computer, so myspacing is slightly more difficult. I should be back to updating soon enough though, hang tight kids.


---------Lau

11:31 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Happy Birthday to me, Even the EMP's showed up!

1. The EMT's just left, I don't know why. Probably attempted suicide. Thats an assumption, I could very well be wrong.
2. This is probably my last blog, chances are I wont finish it, but if I don't finish it, I will post anyways.
3.My neighbor is here, "talking to me" about all of this. She has no idea what she is supposed to say, nor do I have any inkling as to why she has agreed to give advice to somone she does nt know. nor understan, let alone me.
4. The craziest drive of my life just now, btw, I raced a V8 all the way from 20th west to 40th east, and completely kept up at 104 due to my failure to experience any fear of impending death.
5. My hands are really shaking.
6. I should pack
7. That was probably the most insane ride blue death has ever experienced, or will ever experience.
8. I am actually very tired.
9. I miss my old life. When things were hard, but feasible.
10. I wonder how many people are upset with or angry with or hate me at this point.
11. I cried in the car today when brian was driving, I am really scared of losing everyone. I do feel fear, I really am afraid of being alone.
12. I love everyone, they even made me birthday cake, my mom actually used to do that. I miss those days everyone, I truly do.
13. I still have this candle, "coconut bay". A present from a Christmas where though the world held us down we were strong. Only lit it twice.
14. Brian said that no matter what happens, its not worth worrying about yet, It will be worse next week.
15. SSDD my friends, SSDD.
16. Thats a lie, WSDD is better
17. Thank you everyone, my best friends, for being with me today.
18. I hope, for my sake, nothing rips us apart. As brian says, It really is all we have anymore.
19. No car = no school, GED. . .
20. HAKUNA MATATA
21. There isnt a whole large amount we can do to control the things around us, its the way that we take them that counts. In which case i need to et over this shit, because it really isnt that bad.
22. I have to go, good night all.
----Lau

10:03 PM - 5 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment